Previously on DC: Pacey admits that Bessie thought up the bed-and-breakfast, but takes credit for telling her how to do it "for to nothing"; Dawson tells Joey that The Flashes have finally divorced; while Henry strums his guitar, Jen says that she doesn't know "what it's like to completely lose yourself in somebody else"; Pacey bitches Dawson out for not thinking that another guy would come along and show an interest in Joey one day.
Fade up on The Big Chill. As Mary Beth Hurt and Tom Berenger cut a rug onscreen, Joey "Serial Mom-Mentioner" Potter snorts derisively and observes that "nobody dances in the kitchen." Dawson "Imagine There's No Forehead / It's Easy If You -- Oh, Wait, It Isn't" Leery, slumped on a couch, says that maybe their parents danced in the kitchen, and goes on to say that his parents love The Big Chill, and that it's the definitive movie of the entire baby-boom generation. Twenty-two seconds into the episode, I tell Dawson to shut up for the first time. Shut up, Dawson. Joey takes the popcorn bowl from Pacey "Hey La, Hey La" Witter, who has popcorn jetsam all over the front of his sweatshirt, and asks if his parents dance in the kitchen, and he repeats incredulously, "My parents?" and says no, they definitely don't. Dawson defends his choice of The Big Chill by saying that he took all the posters off of his walls, "everything's in question," so he thought he'd try something new for Movie Night. Joey moves to turn the TV off, sniping, "Oh, so we're scaling new heights of Mount Lame," and Dawson tells her that he intended the night's activities to calm her nerves, "not agitate them," and Joey grouses, "Well, that's impossible. I mean, this bed-and-breakfast has been open for a day -- a very costly bed-and-breakfast, mind you -- and there are no guests!" She adds that the reservation list has no names on it, either. Dawson correctly points out that it takes time to establish a reputation, and Joey, near tears, snarls that she and Bessie have sunk their every dime into the place, and "along with guests, time is another thing we don't have." Just then, the phone rings, and Dawson and Pacey give Joey "see, just relax" looks; Joey smiles and goes to answer the phone, but it's a telemarketer, and when she tries to turn the tables and invite the telemarketer to stay at the B&B, the telemarketer hangs up on her. Like, ha ha. Not. Pacey tells her to "keep the faith," and Joey asks accusingly if that's all he has to say, "considering that you were the primary force that escorted Bessie and I [sic] down this road to economic ruin?" Get off it, Joey -- I for one don't doubt that Bessie would have told Pacey to get bent if she thought you'd lose money on the idea. Pacey tries to defend himself by saying he only found a way to "kick in some free labor," but Joey keeps strumming the oh-woe-is-me chord, blaming him for the whole "pipe dream" and using the word "bereft" incorrectly. Pacey rolls his eyes just as we hear a knock at the door. Once again with the "see, just relax" looks and the relieved smile from Joey, but once again, the much-needed guests don't materialize -- Joey whips open the door on a pair of Jehovah's Witnesses, one of whom hands her a tract as Joey glares over her shoulder at a laughing Pacey. Does the fun ever start?
New credits, same old cat-undergoing-acupuncture theme song.
Capeside High interior. "There's Something About" Henry Parker rushes down the stairs in pursuit of Jennifer "Crimp On! Crimp Off!" Lindley, who greets him with, "Hey, stranger, where ya been all week?" Henry "working" blah blah blah Jen "haven't seen you since Capefest" blah blah blah Henry "working at The Bass" blah blah blah Jen "my favorite restaurant" blah blah blah Henry took a free meal instead of wages blah blah blah datecakes. Henry wants Jen to eat at The Bass with him, Jen doesn't recall Henry asking her, Henry deliberately didn't ask so that Jen couldn't say no, Jen points out that that strategy doesn't allow her to say yes, on and on and on. Jen gets off a pretty funny line about spotting "a date in sheep's clothing," but other than that, you only need to know that Jen says she'll think about eating dinner with him, which pleases Henry.
Jack "Newbie Treat" McPhee rounds a corner, clad in his varsity jacket, and greets Andie "Guided By Voices" McPhee as she kneels in front her product-placed iBook: "Hey, my sister the future bureaucrat. How goes it?" Andie core-dumps her play-related stress on Jack: she has to format a bunch of junk into a Playbill, pick up posters and hang them around town, deal with the tickets, check to make sure the paper runs the ad, and "did I mention that I'm a student with a little obligation called homework?" Damn, Andie, just cheat on the homework -- it's not like you'll face any consequences or anything. Jack looks over her shoulder and observes that she doesn't know much about the program she's using. "What gave that away?" she asks. Jack says that she has each word in a different font, which Andie perkily calls "a style choice." "And upside down," Jack says. "It's a bold style choice," Andie says through gritted teeth. Bah-dump-bump -- Andie McPhee, ladies and gentlemen! She's here all week! Don't forget to tip your waitress! Anyhow, Jack takes the iBook from her and settles down to help his "wayward sister" with the layout, remarking that he doesn't know how she keeps it together: "I mean, personally, I wouldn't be able to handle all this." "Well, you would if you had a supportive family to come home to every night," Andie hints. Jack smiles but doesn't take the bait: "Thanks, but I'm happy where I am." "You couldn't be happy at home?" Andie asks, and Jack says no, not with Angry Pants there. Andie says that their father misses Jack, and Jack laughs out loud and says, "Yeah, I'm sure he does -- all those father-and-son heart-to-hearts we used to have." Andie says, "It'll be different," and Jack finally looks up from the iBook and says, "Okay, he knows that I don't wanna move home, so he enlists you to speak for him -- that's what this is, isn't it?" Andie just stares at him for a second, then rolls her eyes and begins gathering her things: "You know, Jack, thanks for your help but -- I can manage on my own." She slams the iBook closed so that it nearly pinches Jack's fingers, snatches it off of his lap, says, "See ya," and walks off. Jack shakes his head.
An office at the bank. Joey and Bessie "Mama's Got A Brand-New Bag" Potter sit glumly in front of a bank officer's desk as the woman explains that, although she championed Bessie's cause personally, the bank can't give Bessie a loan, because she's a single mother with multiple dependents "and an income-to-debt ratio that doesn't even qualify for our most liberal profile." Bessie asks the bank officer if she has any suggestions as to what to do, and the BO mentions doing "what a lot of small businesses do, and that's leverage your assets." Joey says snidely that "our Microsoft options have been called, and our yacht is in hock." Um, since when does one of the "multiple dependents" in question get to skip school for a loan-application meeting, and shoot her mouth off during it besides? Bessie shoots Joey a look, but the BO just ignores Joey and suggests taking out a mortgage. "On the house?" Joey asks in disbelief, and the BO says, "It is paid for, free and clear." Joey rolls her eyes and shakes her head, but when Bessie says brightly, "Do you have an application?" Joey whips around to glare at Bessie.
Later, Bessie parks the truck and says placatingly, "I'm just thinking about it," as Joey storms out of the car and snarls, "Bessie, it's our home, where we live, the only connection we have to Mom -- how can you even think about it?" Okay, ease up on the self-righteousness throttle there, Joey. First of all, what I know about real-estate financing would fit in a thimble, but I would hardly call mortgaging a house -- a very common transaction -- an unforgivable betrayal. Furthermore, defaulting on your mortgage doesn't mean you wind up on the street; you just declare personal bankruptcy. And second of all, if the house represents your "only connection to" your mother, then why do you insist on drawing parallels between said mother and every blooming situation you find yourself in? "Air -- before my mother died, she used to breathe air." "Shoes. You know, my mom used to wear shoes, before she died." Yes, your mother died. Yes, you miss her. Yes, you want to hold onto her memory. Fine. Great. But you can't just declare everything she did, thought, or touched a Joey Potter's Dead Mother Memorial Landmark, so find another note to play, girlfriend, because this one's gone flat, and moreover, WE BLOODY WELL GET IT. God. Anyhow. Bessie reminds Joey that everything takes longer and costs more than they expect, "and if there's a way to take a little out, then maybe we should." Joey says in her snottiest tone that Bessie can't do something "like this" without her approval, "and I'm not giving it to you." Bessie responds in an equally -- and far more richly deserved -- snotty tone, "Actually, I can. I'm an adult. You're a sixteen-year-old girl," and stalks ahead of Joey towards the house. Joey crabs that she's Bessie's sister and a part of the family, and she starts in again on the possibility of losing the house and thus her only "tangible connection" to her mother, but Bessie has had just about enough: "She left it to me, Joey, just like she left me in charge around here until you turn eighteen. That's a responsibility you can't understand." Joey narrows her eyes and says sulkily that she knows "all about" responsibility, and Bessie gets up in her face and sneers, "Do you? Because until you understand what it's like to humiliate yourself by asking some trust-fund snob who looked down on you in high school for money, I don't want to talk about it with you anymore." Bessie wheels and storms into the house. Rock on, Bessie.
Joey slumps down her front steps, looking insulted and sad at the same time, and looks up to see Dawson lurking at the edge of the property. "Dawson?" she calls. Dawson comes toward her, blathering something about putting his video camera to good use even if his film career is over. Joey ignores his blatant trolling for compliments of an "oh, no, Dawson, don't give up on your dream, o wunderkind" nature and asks shortly, "What are you doing?" Dawson says he's shooting footage of the Potter B&B to put on the Web, and they can set up links from all the Cape Cod visitor-information sites -- not a half-bad idea, actually, but Joey says rather sourly that they can't afford "frivolous" things like advertising. Dawson explains that that's where the Web comes in. Joey tries to blow him off again, but Dawson wonders aloud who wouldn't want to stay at the PB&B if they could see it from every angle "and meet the charming proprietors beforehand." No comment. Joey looks doubtful.
Cut to the interior of the PB&B, where Joey leans her head on her hand. Dawson urges her to try to look "welcoming," adding that anxiety doesn't really fit the "homey, come-stay-with-us thing we're going for." Joey says she does toilets and windows but draws the line "at faux perkiness." And at "simple gratitude" too, apparently. Dawson sort of shrugs and prepares to work around her; a moment later, Pacey barges in, taking off his coat and announcing, "Lemme tellya, kiddies, we are lookin' good -- lookin' good!" Joey asks, "What canary did you swallow?" and Pacey explains that he felt a "teensy weensy" bit guilty about "having wrongfully inspired this establishment," so he decided to tell the world about the PB&B "via the mighty pen of Mr. Frederick Fricke," whom Pacey describes as "the Roger Ebert of the B&B world." Pacey rambles on a bit about the various publications for which The Frick-ster writes, including the New York Times Travel & Leisure section, and says that the issue of said section will contain a review of the PB&B, because Fricke is coming to stay for the weekend. "He's coming here?" Joey repeats. When Pacey, obviously pleased with himself, says yes, Joey shoots out of her chair and whines, "Are you insane?" and goes on to list all the reasons why they can't have a reviewer see the place: the half-finished room, Bessie's awful blueberry pancakes, and of course the utter lack of guests. Pacey seizes on this last thing and smiles, "Ah, I beg to differ -- we do have guests. Not only do we have guests, we have the perfect guest for the perfect heartwarming weekend at your local B&B." He calls offscreen to introduce the guests: "Guests, if you would please!" Enter Grams "Heart And Sole" Lindley, whom Pacey describes as a "God-fearing grandmother" who has come to reconnect with her grandchildren; said grandchildren -- namely Jack, Andie, and Jen -- file in behind Grams, smiling wickedly. Andie asks for an 8 AM wake-up call, Jack requests his orange juice "freshly squeezed," and Jen asks for black coffee and warns Joey not to wake her before noon. Joey makes a "like, ha ha, not" face. Pacey then presents Gail "Film At Eleven" Leery and Mitch "The Flash" Leery to round out the group, saying they've come "to spend a romantic weekend getaway." The Leerys beam at Dawson, whose massive face reflects obvious confusion, and then they beam at Joey, who looks like she might cry from frustration.
The WB has instituted a new "bump" from the segment of the show before each set of commercials. Whatever. And speaking of "whatever," Scream 3 looks way stupid, and Courteney Cox Arquette looks way over forty in the trailer.
Joey drags Pacey out onto the porch. In her shirt-sleeves. On Cape Cod. In January. And proceeds to bitch him out for not checking with her first. Pacey throws his hands in the air and shouts, "See if I try to help you again, Cosà Fan 'Tude-y!" Oh, wait, he didn't. Guess who did? Good guess. Anyway, Joey calls Pacey's actions "reckless," and Dawson adds, "and insensitive," because Dawson would know from insensitive. Pacey says, "Okay, one at a time, shall we? Starting with you," and he points at Dawson and tells him that he only asked Mitch to help: "It was his idea to bring Gail along." Dawson doesn't get it, and Pacey repeats that he didn't have anything to do with it, "so if you want to tear someone's head off, why don't you try the guy that sired you, and as for you," he address himself to Joey, "how can you possibly be so ungrateful, after just having witnessed an outpouring of love and support that would have made George Bailey proud?" I could have done without the Capra reference, but otherwise, a hearty "word." Joey says that there is nothing wonderful about her life right now; she picks up a cordless phone, smacks it into Pacey's hand, and orders him to get The Frickmeister on the phone and tell him "that there is no room at the inn." "Why?" Pacey asks, and Joey fumes, "Because! You don't show a movie reviewer a rough cut, and you don't serve a food critic your first stab at a new recipe, especially if that recipe is your last chance of [sic] keeping a roof over your head." Pacey and Dawson make concerned "huh?" noises, and The Little Match Girl flicks her hair behind her ear and mumbles that Bessie is considering taking out a mortgage, and Dawson splutters, "A mor -- you can't let her risk the house!" Oh, COME ON, people -- would you rather have her go to a loan shark? It just isn't that big a deal! Joey turns on Dawson and asks him rudely if the term "legal guardian" means anything to him. Pacey looks stricken throughout this exchange, then apologizes to Joey and says he'll "make this right right now, okay?" Joey goes inside to find some guy standing in the foyer, and she asks him all sarcastically, "Don't tell me -- the Fuller-Brush man?" The guy produces a card and identifies himself as none other than Baron Von Fricke. Joey takes the card mutely as Mr. Fricke asks crisply, "Is -- now a bad time?" "No, not at all," Joey says with a big old fake-welcome smile, then turns to glare at Pacey as The Bass Guitar Of Bad Timing twangs in the background.
Dawson enters his parents' room and says in his patented passive-aggressive-cheery voice, "So, you two are staying in the honeymoon suite." "No," Gail corrects him, "Your nostrils got the honeymoon suite, you arrogant little Fruit Loop -- we got stuck with the couch in the living room." Oh, sorry, she didn't really say that. But she should have, and she should have punctuated it with a ringing backhand slap and NOT turned her rings around first. She actually says that they've only come to help Joey and Bessie out, and that after Frick-assee falls asleep, "your dad's gonna go home and crash." Dawson asks if they don't think "it might be a little confusing, even hurtful, to the child of divorce to see his parents play-acting a happy marriage?" The Flash looks taken aback, but repeats that "we're just here to help out." Dawson tells him that Pacey only asked The Flash to help out: "He didn't say anything about Mom." The Flash tells Dawson to chill, that he's seeing "something dark and complex" when there's really nothing there. Dawson flares his nostrils, knocking his father against the back wall of the room in the process, and snaps, "You know what I'm seeing? I'm seeing two people who don't know what the hell they want, and I'm sick of it." Well, I bet they know what they don't want, and that's custody of your sorry ass. Rent a wet-vac and suck it up, Mall Bran. Anyway, Dawson snits off, slamming the door behind him. The Flash throws a "the hell?" look at Gail, who looks down pensively.
Fricke enters his room and looks around with an expression of patent disdain. Joey asks brightly if she can get him anything else; Fricke wraps his trenchcoat tighter around him and grunts, "Heat. It's freezing in here." Joey heads for the thermostat, babbling something about environmental friendliness and conserving resources, and turns up the heat, but Fricke has another question: "What, no en suite commode?" Joey doesn't know what that means, so he says very slowly and patronizingly, "Where -- is -- the bathroom?" Joey blushes and says it's down the hall, and that it's communal. "I see," Fricke sniffs, clearly unable to believe his bad luck. Joey tells him to enjoy his stay, and then she goes on for a bit about mealtimes, and as she makes to leave, she tells him again to enjoy his stay. "You said that already," Fricke points out flatly. Joey is embarrassed and makes a hasty retreat, closing the door behind her and leaning her head against it.
In another room, Jack comments, "Is it me, or is it cold in here?" as Andie wonders whether they can "successfully impersonate brother and sister" for the weekend. Jack doesn't see why not. Andie observes transparently that she can never get a good night's sleep if she's not in her own bed. Irritated, Jack tells her he gets the message -- Angry wants him to move home -- so she can quit campaigning. "Who, me?" Andie perks. Jack says he means it, and if she brings it up again, he'll stay in Jen's room. Andie shrugs and continues unpacking. Jack glowers at her for a moment, then smiles in spite of himself.
Bessie and Joey spy on Fricke. "Does he look like he's having a good time?" Bessie whispers. "Does a lemon ever look like it's having a good time?" Joey grumbles. Oh, fine -- heh. Bessie says that Fricke is "just doing his job," and Joey answers, "On which rests our entire future." Bessie wants to know where Pacey got to, because he said he'd help her turn down the beds. Joey says he's in the bathroom, "counting animals two-by-two." Apparently, the toilet overflowed.
Mop-cam. Pacey swabbing; Pacey grumbling under his breath that he plans to strike "hotel management" from his list of career choices.
The dock. Dawson sulks. The Flash walks down and sits beside him, admitting, "You're right. I didn't ask her here for just any reason." He explains that he and Gail have enough of the same friends that he knows what goes on in Gail's life, and he knows that Gail has hit a career wall and can't seem to find a job in TV. Dawson says that Gail hadn't told him that, and The Flash says that Gail didn't tell him, either; Dawson snips, "No offense, Dad, but I'm her son -- you're her divorced husband." You know, my father would have greeted a line like that with, "You're her DEAD SON NOW, pipsqueak," but The Flash for some reason fails to drown Dawson in the creek, saying instead, "I'm her friend. And I want her to know, whatever her history, that I am there for her," and yeah, he probably just could have phoned her up and told her that, but still, it's a nice sentiment. The Flash finishes by saying, "I'm sorry if that threatens you," and Dawson says a bit too quickly, "It doesn't threaten me," and The Flash murmurs, "Well, it does something," and Dawson nearly shouts, "It pisses me off!" The Flash, incredulous: "It pisses you off that your parents have a cordial post-divorce relationship?" Yeah, really, dude. Talk to a few of the kids I grew up with and see if you don't feel lucky that, say, you don't have to testify against one of them in a custody hearing, or that you don't have a stepmother only ten years older than you, or whatever. And also, shut up. Dawson sputters that it pisses him off that he doesn't know "what to believe" anymore and whether his parents are enemies or friends or what. His hair really, really looks like Sam The Eagle's. The Flash tells him that he and Gail are trying very hard to be friends. Dawson asks if it isn't a little late for that, and The Flash says that caring about someone doesn't have a statute of limitations, "especially if they've been so much a part of your life already." Dawson looks away angrily, but he seems to accept The Flash's explanation.
The PB&B living room. Joey and Bessie suck up to Fricke, and when Bessie puts her hand on Fricke's knee, both Joey and Fricke stare down at said hand in dismay. Pacey calls down from on high, "Bathroom's almost fixed." Joey and Bessie gush about their "on-site handyman, Pacey Witter," who comes in moments later to assure everyone that he has "everything under control now." Predictably, a puff of plaster-y smoke issues from an overhead heating vent just as he finishes speaking. Fricke suggests that Handyman Witter "check the furnace." Pacey goes to do just that, muttering to himself. Joey cringes.
I like Angelina Jolie okay, but if I see her licking that maraschino cherry one more time, I'll have to have her killed.
Joey tinkers with the furnace. Bessie sticks her head in and says excitedly that they've caught a break -- Fricke went into town to grab dinner. Joey hisses, "Shhhhoot!" and Bessie says mildly that swearing at the furnace won't help; Joey looks up at Bessie with her eyes slitted and sneers, "Oh, and flirting with it might?" Joey, honey, step off. Bessie wants to know what that means, and Joey mutters, "Nothing. I'm just a child, remember?" and flounces into the kitchen to slam cupboard doors, continuing, "I'll just think of the little things -- you know, like how we're going to prevent everyone we know from freezing to death on what's supposed to be the coldest night of the year?" Bessie says acerbically that Joey certainly is behaving like a child and asks, "What is your problem?" Joey asks if Bessie even remembers what it's like to be sixteen, or if it's "like, some far-off planet." Bessie can't believe what she's hearing and says in a dangerous tone, "I remember," but Joey hasn't finished, and she stomps over to the furnace with what looks like a box of matches, whining that teenagers have all the responsibilities of adults but none of the authority -- they can't vote, they can't drive, they can't make any decisions for themselves. As Joey kneels in front of the furnace again, Bessie asks her, "You think getting older automatically gives you more say in your life? Get real, Joey! You think I wanted to be stuck here at twenty-six, taking care of two kids by myself?" Ouch. Joey comes back with a low blow of her own: "Well, I guess I missed the part where you begged and pleaded with Bodie to stay." For some reason, Bessie doesn't stuff Joey head-first into the boiler, telling her instead that she asks Bodie to come home every chance she gets, but Bodie knows they can't afford it, and she adds, "Trust me, this is not how I planned for my life to turn out." Joey apologizes very sarcastically on behalf of herself and Alexander for cramping Bessie's style, but says that "with any luck I won't be here much longer to trouble you." Bessie half-rolls her eyes: "That's not what I meant, and you know it." Joey lights a match and leans into the furnace, grumbling that that's what it sounded like, and Bessie remarks that, for a girl who wants to leave Capeside so badly, Joey's putting "a hell of a lot of effort into this place." Joey pauses, slams down the matches, and stands up: "You're right. Maybe it's just time I stopped." She pushes past Bessie and storms out of the room. Bessie rolls her eyes for real.
Pacey splits wood out in the yard. The Flash comes out, eating an apple, and they have a man-to-man talk. Pacey blames himself for the B&B and for inviting Fricke to visit, and predicts that the resulting "comedy of errors" will bankrupt the Potters. The Flash chuckles that Joey and Bessie probably consider themselves very lucky to have Pacey in their lives; Pacey won't play, saying that he has the opposite of the Midas touch. The Flash points out that at least Pacey hasn't given up, and tells him to think about the selfless work he's contributed instead of dwelling on what's gone wrong. Pacey continues to chop wood as The Flash looks at him, bemused, and when Pacey turns and asks, "What?" The Flash asks in response, "What makes you care so much?" Pacey blinks and doesn't answer.
Gail and Dawson investigate the blanket situation. Dawson apologizes, albeit somewhat gracelessly, for taking his mother's head off before, but says that the rules keep changing on him. Gail mutters, "Tell me about it," and says that "the post-divorce landscape is like an emotional battlefield." Block that metaphor! Dawson says he doesn't get it, because she and The Flash still seem to like and care for each other, and Gail says that they do, "which is what makes the knowledge that we're better off apart even more difficult to bear." To illustrate her point, she calls on The Soulmate Injured Reserve, telling Dawson to think about his own life, "you and Joey"; she describes the decision to break up as "not made in one sitting -- it's cumulative," and says you have to decide to do it over and over each day. Dawson looks at his mother with concern.
Over at the Ryan Home For Wayward Girls And Alternatively Lifestyled Boys, Jack lets himself and Andie in, saying he knows there's a space heater somewhere. Andie looks at a grocery list on the fridge and asks, "Hey, what's 'Jack milk'?" Jack explains that it's Ryan-Home code for whole milk, which he drinks, as opposed to one percent (Jen) or skim (Grams). Aw. "Everyone gets their own kind of milk?" Andie asks enviously. Jack says that Grams "is accommodating, but she runs a very tight ship." Then Andie finds a giant coffee mug with Jack's name on it in yellow script; she holds it up and says, "Coffee much?" Jack laughs and says, "It's an inside joke, it's kind of hard to explain." Andie thumps the mug down and says sadly that he doesn't have to, that she gets it -- he's part of a family now, and "families have three types of milk and inside jokes." Jack regards her with a worried expression as she goes on, "Why would you want to move back into that big cold house, with a man who has no idea of what kind of milk you drink or what kind of play you're directing?" She adds with a rueful smile, "You're really lucky." Jack walks over to her: "It's you, isn't it?" Andie's eyes fill with tears; she looks away, then looks back at him and nods slightly as Jack repeats, "It's not Dad that's asking me back home, it's you." Andie says that she misses her brother, especially when her life gets crazy and she wants "someone around to share it with." She says also that that statement isn't meant to make him feel guilty, or as a sympathetic ploy (she said "plea," but I think she meant "ploy"): "It's just the truth." She leaves. Jack sighs. Andie has gotten on my last nerve all season, but Meredith Monroe did well with that scene.
Shots of the moon -- oh, boy, I'd better get my protective gear on. Jen and Dawson sit outside looking at the moon, which has colored clouds moving across it. Dawson attributes these to industrial pollution, and Jen comments on his increased cynicism of late; Dawson says that he has "a better sense of the reality behind the magic." Bootie and the Blowchunks sing in the background as Jen asks, "Can I ask you something -- just for the record?" Dawson nods, and Jen reminds him of when they dated -- which stretches the term "to date" kind of far, but okay -- and of when she told him about her past, then asks, "What was it that you were scared of?" Dawson says glibly that "anything that we don't know or understand can scare us," but goes on to admit that he'd never known anyone with Jen's "degree of life experience," and when you add that to his infatuation with her -- "and you have one very intimidated Dawson Leery," Jen finishes with a smile, and Dawson assents. I'd like to interject here that Jen looks quite lovely in this scene; by contrast, a rabid croissant mated with one of Liberace's toupees, and the offspring of that union settled on Dawson's head. I mean, such bad hair, folks. Anyhow. Jen asks Dawson if he thinks most boys would react the same way he did, and Dawson says he'd like to say no, with an unspoken "but"; Jen's face kind of hardens, and Dawson says hastily that you never know how different people will react. Jen stares up at the sky, and Dawson tells her that he knows the way he reacted "was wrong," and she turns to look at him again as he says that the only thing more beautiful than Jen Lindley "is the reality behind her magic," and they both smile, and he adds that he feels sorry for any guy "who's too insecure to see that." Wow -- pretty deft coming from Dawson.
The Flash, Jack, Pacey, and Dawson all crowd around the fireplace, arguing over how to start the fire, but they can't get it started, and Jen mutters to Gail, "We are so gonna freeze." Grams shuts them all up by telling them they'll never get it lit with the hickory on the bottom, and she pushes them aside as she tells them why: "Hickory is a glorious wood, but it's a hard wood -- it'll never burn on its own." She restacks the logs and says, "Soft pine goes on the bottom, oak in the middle, hickory on top," then lights a match, and the fire blazes up right away. I love Grams, but I bet she used newspapers and kindling too. The Flash makes impressed noises, and Jen pipes up that Grams churns her own butter too. Grams reminisces about building a fire after dinner every night in the winter, and how every night Gramps would read to her, and how, no matter which book they read together, Gramps would fall asleep, "chin on chest, book on lap, content." While Grams talks, the rest of the gang settles down in chairs and couches or on the floor for a volume of remembrance from the Anvil Modern Library. "You know you love someone when you can spend the entire night just sitting by the fire, watching them sleep," Grams remarks wistfully. "Sounds like you loved him very much," Gail says, which prompts Grams to utter the following unfortunate metaphor: "Love is the hardest of woods. It takes a long, long time to heat up, but -- when it does --" Joey sits sullenly, arms wrapped around her knees. Jen pipes up that it smells good in the room, and Grams says it smells like forty-six years of her life, and Dawson comments that smell is supposedly the most evocative sense, which leads to a heavy-handed Proust-and-his-madeleine-esque montage of the gang listing their earliest and most favored smells.
Gail remembers vanilla, because The Flash used to soak his hands in it after his shifts at The Franklin Family Fish House to get rid of the smell of cod; Dawson, the smell of film-processing fluid; Jen, mothballs, because she used to hide in a costume closet when she went to Chapin, and it made her feel safe; Jack, something called "kickapoo juice" that he used to drink at summer camp; Pacey, the smell of snow; Andie, new-car smell, from the brand-new rentals her father used to get for family car trips; and of course Joey remembers bacon. Why? Well, you just won't believe this, sports fans -- bacon reminds her of her late mother. No, really. Bessie remembers the smell too, and Joey talks about how their mother made breakfast every Sunday morning when she didn't have to work, and she and her mom would talk about school and boys, and they'd make pancake shapes with little molds, and she says that her mother loved to cook and take care of people and hated "working at that bar every night," and apparently, she always told Joey not to worry, "because eventually, um, she was going to make enough money, and, uh, she was going to open up her very own, um, her very own bed-and-breakfast." Everyone else in the room looks sad, probably because there's now an anvil hogging the couch, as Joey says that her mother obviously didn't get a chance to see that dream happen. Oh, no? She didn't? Will she get to see you graduate? Oh, she won't? Will she get to see you walk down the aisle? No, no, I guess she won't. Because she died. Which we already knew. Because you've mentioned it at least SEVEN THOUSAND TIMES this season, and I can sympathize, up to a point, but really, you have to stop it with that. We get it. "So I thought I would give it a shot," Joey finishes her train of thought. She finally gets around to thanking everyone for coming out to help her and Bessie: "You're the best fake guests a girl could ask for." Then she gets to her feet and stuns everyone by saying that they can all go home now. The fake guests look dismayed, and Joey heads out of the room, only to see Tricky Fricke standing in the doorway and looking as though he's just eaten an insect. Joey apologizes for the "horrendous experience" Fricke must have had that weekend, and says she realizes "it's no five-star B&B, but -- I'm pretty sure my mother would have loved it." She goes upstairs. The gang looks uncomfortable, probably because they've gotten as sick of hearing about Mrs. Potter as I have but don't know how to tell Joey that.
If the KFC honey-barbecue sandwich looks that nasty in the commercial, how scary does it look in real life? I mean, ew.
Sounds of breakfast-making come from downstairs as Joey drifts awake. I like her sheets; I think I saw those in the Delia's catalog. She bumbles out of bed and towards the kitchen as "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" cues up on the soundtrack. Get it? Like in The Big Chill? Okay, just checking, because if that skillet catches you off-guard, you could get hurt. Anyhow, the rest of the gang is dancing around the kitchen, laughing and joking and completing breakfast-roll passes to one another; Joey looks on with a mixture of tenderness and confusion. We also get an inexplicable and disturbing shot of Andie's wiggling ass, and it is revealed that Jack can't really dance, but I still think he's the most on toast. Joey, arms folded over her WonderBra, asks mock-angrily, "So, is someone going to tell me what's going on?" Everyone greets her enthusiastically, and Pacey says to nobody in particular, "Can someone please get this lady a cup of coffee?" and Joey can't help smiling, saying shyly that she thought everyone was going home. Dawson tells her, "Well, you sleep late, you miss a lot." The clock in Joey's room said 7:20 -- since when does that qualify as sleeping late? For anyone besides Andie, I mean. Whatever -- Dawson herds Joey over to the breakfast table to sit down to Bessie, and the camera pans down the table to Pacey, who hands a heaping plate of food to The Strange And Terrible Fricke. Silverware clanks as Joey wishes everyone good morning, and she singles out Mr. Fricke, who wishes her good morning in return. Joey tells him she knows they have "a few kinks to work out," and that they'll probably never have the fine linens and gourmet food he's used to. Silence. The other guests look expectantly at Fricke. Fricke catches his snap and observes that the heat didn't work last night, "but this is one of the warmest places I've ever stayed." Oh, yuck. Joey stares at him in disbelief as he goes on to say that "these pancakes may be the best in the county," and Andie squawks excitedly, "All right!" which was sort of sweet of her. Joey does a shrug-smile, but she smells a rat: "What am I missing?" "Why, whatever do you mean?" Bessie asks too innocently. Joey says that, for one thing, Bessie's pancakes aren't nearly as good as the ones on the table. Bessie mock-pouts, and Pacey says that perhaps they should pay their compliments to the chef. Everyone begins to chant, "Chef! Chef! Chef!" I have to give the writers credit -- I don't see this coming until a split second before he walks in, but right when the chanting of "Chef!" starts, I figure it out, and I get way too excited and yell at my TV, "Awww yeah -- where in the world is!" and then Joey turns around as Bodie walks in with Alexander and asks who wants seconds, and I yell at my TV, "BODIE SANDIEGO!" I never thought I'd type these words, but here I go -- nice one, writers. Now let Bodie stay, because he rules.
Anyhow, Bessie gets up and pulls Joey aside: "I was up for hours last night, thinking about what you said by the fire, and I went up to the attic." Joey starts to interrupt, but stops when she sees that Bessie has a guest book in her hands. "Dad gave this to Mom for Christmas ten years ago," Bessie says, opening the book to her own signature and the childish block print of Joey's. "Her first guest," Bessie says, shaking her head. "How could I have forgotten her dream?" Joey points out that Bessie had a few other things to worry about, like the lives of two kids. Word -- now see that you remember that. The sisters hug. In the dining room, Fricke proposes a toast to the PB&B.
Upstairs, Gail asks The Flash to help her with her necklace clasp. The Flash says that talking about "that whole nostalgia vanilla thing" the night before brought back another memory. "The fish bistro," Gail says with a sigh, calling it a pipe dream; The Flash says they thought up "Leery's Fresh Fish" when Gail was pregnant with Dawson. He says that when he thinks back on it, "that wasn't really my dream at all. It was yours." Gail says she doesn't know about that, and The Flash hastily says that he doesn't mean she "bailed on it or anything," that she just became "more successful at doing something else." Then he tells her he knows she has interviews at a lot of stations and so on, but he spotted an empty place by the river and he wrote down the number for her just in case, and he takes the number out of his wallet and holds it up. Gail thanks him, but says "that dream was so very long ago." "Seems like yesterday to" The Flash. He wiggles his eyebrows encouragingly. Gail looks at the number in his hand.
At the waterfront, Henry asks Jen, "This is why you brought me here?" Jen repeats for our benefit that she's just told him all about her past, which she calls "a veritable laundry list of sexual crimes and misdemeanors." For the last time, Jen, get off that train, will you? Unless a goat got involved somehow, your New York sexcapades just aren't that shocking. Anyway, Jen expresses surprise that Henry isn't shocked, or self-righteous, or "agog," and Henry asks why he would be any of those things, and Jen says, "'Cause that's how boys always react." Henry muses that "whatever you -- did before is part of what makes you who you are. I'm thankful for that." How very -- mature. And -- unrealistic. Jen can't believe her ears: "Did you just say what I think you said?" Henry, eager to please: "Whatever it was, I think I did, yeah." Jen laughs, "Who are you, Henry Parker?"
In the front yard of the PB&B, Pacey helps Dawson with the video camera. Dawson asks, "Pacey, do you have any idea what you're doing?" Pacey replies impatiently that he has put a lens cap on before, but Dawson means "in general." A quick disclaimer: I may not have transcribed all the dialogue correctly, but I could barely concentrate, because Dawson's hair looks like a bleached ostrich feather, and I'm fascinated and terrified at the same time. Dawson talks about everything changing, losing his bearings, yadda yadda; Pacey empathizes. Dawson again mentions his empty walls, saying that when he tries to imagine his future, "it's as blank as the walls." Pacey folds the tripod as Dawson continues babbling about the past, which he barely recognizes anymore; Dawson then says, "Perfect example -- you." Pacey: "Me?" Dawson: "Yeah, you've come through this whole metamorphosis. You used to be glib and predictable, and -- I don't know, I thought it was your relationship with Andie, but now you're not with her, you're still -- I guess what I'm trying to say is 'thank you.'" Pacey: "For what, man?" Dawson: "Doing what I asked you to do -- taking care of Joey." Pacey sort of blows it off, but Dawson says that Pacey "went above and beyond" and "did something really special" for Joey, and he's glad Joey has Pacey. Pacey, discomfited, switches gears and says, "Let me tell you something, man -- it's no picnic, okay? That Potter girl, she ain't easy, all right? She, she's physically incapable of keeping her mouth shut for more than two seconds at a time, she's got an opinion about everything -- I mean, it's uncanny [sic], all right, so anytime you wanna jump back in there, you just let me know, because I am eager to return to our regularly scheduled programming." Dawson chuckles through Pacey's tirade, then raises a brow at him. Pacey: "That glib enough for ya?" Dawson: "That'll do fine, Pace." Huh?
Grams comes out onto the porch, singing, and Jen follows her out and asks Grams if she mixed her red pills with her blue ones; Grams snorts, "I like that song." Jack comes up on the porch, and they make "oh, just in time" noises and hand Jack their bags. Heh. Jack puts the bags down and asks if he can "talk something through" with them. Jen can tell it's serious: "Absolutely -- what is it?" Jack clears his throat and stammers, "Andie's giving me the hard sell about moving back home." "What about your dad?" Jen asks, and Jack says moving back home doesn't have much to do with Angry, who's not there half the time anyway: "It's about Andie." Jen and Grams begin to see where he's going with this as he continues, "See, when you invited me last summer to, to stay with you, I didn't have anything. Or anyone. And it was so generous of both of you, and it's not that you just offered me a home, it -- it was the act of reminding me that somebody cared about me, even when I didn't really feel like I deserved it." Grams folds her lips and looks at Jen, whose eyes have filled with tears. Jack, also starting to cry: "Now Andie needs to be reminded of that. I'm her brother." Jen nods. Jack apologizes; he doesn't want them to think he doesn't appreciate everything, and he says they did so much for him. Before he can finish, Jen chokes out, "Go home, Jack. Go home." Jack looks at Grams, who smiles. Jen hugs Jack, and then Grams puts her arms around them both. Sniffle.
Pacey barges into the PB&B, bellowing something about the furnace guy coming the day, and finds Joey asleep on the couch in front of the fire. He crouches beside her and pulls the blanket over her shoulder.
Cue the montage, overlaid by "I've Looked At Life From Both Sides Now": Bessie, Bodie, and little Alex have a nighttime picnic (on Cape Cod, in January); Jen and Henry talk by lamplight on the waterfront; Gail goes to visit the restaurant space; Jack packs up his things to move home and looks around the room sadly before turning the light off; Dawson looks at his blank walls; and Pacey watches Joey sleep. Did everyone get that? Pacey watching Joey sleep? Okay? Okay. Cue closing credits.
week, Pacey has sideburns that make him look like Mel Gibson.