Snaps to Kisle, LaaLaa, and JoBeth.
Previously on Dawson's Creek, Eve calls herself "a fantasy," Pacey and Andie bid each other farewell in extreme close-up, Mr. McPhee tells Jack he isn't gay and Jack shouts that he is too gay while Andie cries.
For once, fade up somewhere outside the Sanctum Dawsonorum, namely outside Capeside High, where Pacey "Too Good To Be True" Witter worries that the gurgling of his insides indicates that he's going to explode. Dawson "Raisin Brando" Leery scoffs at the idea, and Pacey points out that "some guy in Norway blew up in the middle of the supermarket last year." Dawson says that nervous anticipation doesn't cause spontaneous combustion, and Pacey demands, "Who said I was nervous?" Dawson, in his best buck-up-little-camper voice, says it's only natural that Pacey feel nervous -- he sees Andie in less than six hours. Dawson asks if Mr. McPhee is still letting Pacey pick Andie up, and Pacey says yes, and that he's leaving at lunch; Dawson tries to act like a friend for once and asks if Pacey wants company, but Pacey says that Joey will accompany him. He explains to Dawson that Joey wanted to see Andie, and that he thought he should let her come after his conversation with Dawson last week, and Dawson makes fine-fine noises and says, "Nobody welcomes a Potter-Witter détente more than me. I'm glad she has somebody." (Strangely, the captioning here read, "Glad you asked somebody.") Dawson goes on, "It'll only help as Joey and I weave our separate ways through these pathless woods we call life." Shut up, Dawson. Pacey interrupts, "Speaking of wood, Dawson, whatever happened with a certain busgirl?" meaning, I assume, "The One Face Of" Eve, and Dawson grumbles that Eve vanished, "Jonathan Krakauer-ed into thin air." Like, ha ha. Not. Pacey questions Dawson's decision to let her slip away, and Dawson says he had a "slightly irate father to answer to" and he feels lucky to have escaped with his life, although Dawson doesn't seem to have gotten grounded or punished in any way. Pacey asks what happened after the party, and Dawson says he can't find Eve, and Pacey asks if Dawson checked down at the strip joint, and Dawson mumbles, "Embarrassingly, yes," and adds that "it turns out she was a temp." Pacey echoes my thoughts by wondering, "Strip joints have temps?" As they walk into the school building, Dawson says that he only knows Eve's first name and doesn't even know "if that's real," and Pacey begins expounding on Eve as the "ultimate transitional woman" blah blah blah "you are a young, virile, increasingly buff teenage male, you have certain wants and desires" blah blah blah Eve is "a gift from the gods on rebound high, a curvaceous ["curvaceous"? In what culture?] vixen" fishcakes. Pacey prattles on, not noticing that a slender arm has appeared from a passing doorway and yanked Dawson in by the collar, and when he finally notices that Dawson has disappeared and left him alone with his Epicurean soliloquy, he spins in a circle and trails off. Yeah, hilarious. Not. Cut to Eve mauling Dawson in the supply closet. When she finally comes up for air, Dawson says, "Eve." "Morning, Dawson," Eve vamps. "Welcome to school." Morning, Maalox. Welcome to my stomach.
Credits. Nails squawking across the world's largest blackboard.
Get a job, Nelle from Ally McBeal.
Back to Introduction To Tonsil Hockey. Dawson wants to know, "What are you doing here?" Eve says sultrily, "At eleven I'm popping out of a cake for Mr. Sax in AP History," then more snappily, "Duh, I'm, like, a student." Dawson doesn't believe her. Eve checks her face in a compact mirror and whispers, "What's the matter, Dawson, never seen a senior girl up close before?" Yeah, okay, and if Eve is a senior, I'm still in nursery school. He's seen plenty of senior girls, Dawson says, but none of them looks like Eve, and then he reads my mind by adding, "Plus, you've gotta be at least -" and Eve warns him, "Watch it," before he can make a tactless (but no doubt accurate) remark about her age. "Older than I am," Dawson says lamely. Eve strolls saucily ahead of Dawson; she thought he'd act "more excited by my sudden appearance." Dawson comments that she usually follows her sudden appearances with equally sudden disappearances, and asks, "Who are you, Eve? First you're this stunning passenger on my bus, striking up conversation, then you're wearing a wig, serving cocktails at the strip club -- now you're a senior at my high school." Eve goes for "mysterious" but takes a wrong turn at "trite and boring" by turning up the corners of her mouth and saying, "You've got it all wrong, Dawson - I'm none of those things. I'm just a girl, standing in a janitor's closet, asking you to kiss her," thus putting the "not" back in Notting Hill. Saved by the bell! It rings, and Eve disengages herself from Dawson and murmurs, "Late for Bio. See ya." Dawson chases after her, knocking over a mop and bucket in the process, and as he bumbles out of the closet, he yells after her wanting to get her last name, only to crash into Mitch "The Flash" Leery and Principal "Gang" Green. It becomes immediately evident that both The Flash and Mr. Green have had at least seventeen cups of coffee already; The Flash, either cracked out on caffeine or buoyed by the fact that he finally got rid of that pesky neck of his, makes a stupid "it's 'Leery,' but you can call me 'Dad'" joke, and he and Principal Green stride down the hall with Dawson between them and say they need his help, they want "an honest student opinion," they want to "revolutionize" the pep rally, blah blah blah steroidcakes. Mr. Green says he'll see Dawson in his office at three o'clock, and Dawson starts to protest, but The Flash thumps him on the chest and says, "Very wise of you to help out, son, in light of the fact that you owe me." You'd think The Flash of all people would notice that his son had just walked, um, OUT OF A CLOSET, but he doesn't. Dawson sighs, "It is so not my day."
Ryan House For Sexualized-Too-Young Girls And Alternative-Lifestyle Boys. On the front porch, Grams "Give Me More Lines" Ryan pours coffee as Mr. "Angry" McPhee (tm Kisle) says he can't thank her enough. Grams says wryly that, after a year of dealing with Jen, "having Jack was like boarding Saint Francis." Jack "Did Somebody Say" McPhee chuckles and asks when Andie gets in, and Mr. McPhee says that she gets in that night but Pacey has gone to get her early; Grams asks if Andie has made "a full recovery," and Mr. McPhee says that the doctors say she has, but that they also say that "with mental illness, you're never out of the woods." Grams says that Mr. McPhee has given Andie "an excellent chance" by moving his business closer so that the kids can stay in Capeside. Jack says something about waiting until the weekend to move his stuff back to the house, and Angry says that actually, he came to talk to Jack about just that. He pauses uncomfortably, and Grams goes inside to let them talk alone. Mr. McPhee says awkwardly that he thinks Jack might do better by staying with Grams for a while, if Grams doesn't mind. Jack asks, "You don't want me home?" Mr. McPhee says matter-of-factly that Jack has "a situation that works" for him, and Jack says sullenly, "What you mean is that you have a situation that works for you." Mr. McPhee explains, "The changes that you're going to make in your life now -- changes you have every right to make -- would be too difficult with me around." Jack gets upset and asks why his father can't "just admit that you're afraid -- you can't deal with having a gay son, and having me around would mean doing just that." I think Mr. McPhee just wanted Jack to continue living happily, but on the other hand, I can see Jack's point. I can also see that Kerr Smith looks pretty darn cute these days. Anyhow. Mr. McPhee demands, "Must you assume that every decision I make is based upon my lack of character?" and Jack snaps, "No, just the ones that concern me." Then Jack says that, since he still lives there, he'd like his father to leave. Mr. McPhee, stunned, slaps down his coffee and walks off the porch. Jack sighs. Not badly done, that scene.
Loon E. Tunes Psychiatric Facility. Pacey wheedles in the general direction of the nurse at the front desk. The nurse says Andie doesn't get released until the day. Pacey explains that that's why it's a surprise. The nurse says they "try to avoid surprises" and that Andie can't leave today without her own written consent. Minors can just, like, sign themselves out? Pacey says he'll get Andie's consent, but to do so, he has to go in and talk to her. The nurse says he can see her the day when visiting hours resume. Pacey mutters, "You've gotta be kidding me," and the nurse does the side-to-side with her head and asks, "Does this look like a face that kids?" Not with the DC writers in charge the dialogue, it doesn't.
Outside. Pacey kvetches to Joey "Flying Free" Potter that they won't let Andie out and they won't let him in either. Joey takes his hand, jumps down from her seat on the front of the truck, and says, "Follow me." She drags Pacey up the front walk.
Inside, Joey harangues the nurse at the front desk: "You don't understand. I need to see a doctor immediately." The nurse informs her that they "don't do walk-ins." Joey splutters, "This is a moral injustice -- I have psychiatric concerns!" "Well, obviously," says the nurse, and I concur, since Joey did go out with Dawson. Twice. Anyway, Joey says, "Fine, if that's the way it is then I guess you'll just have to do," and she hops up on the counter and starts telling the nurse her life story, starting with Dawson and proceeding via flashback to her mother's death blah blah blah fishcakes, and as the nurse listens raptly (whatever), Joey motions with her hand for Pacey to crawl past the counter and sneak into Andie's room, which he does, accompanied by The Bass Guitar Of Unsuccessful Slapstick. Joey launches into a rosy description of Dawson.
Jump cut to Dawson snorting, "That's propaganda." Heh. Across the desk, Principal Green agrees with him, but says he needs someone to recut footage of the football team into an inspiring film, and The Flash said Dawson could do it. Mr. Green launches into purple sporting prose lifted directly from the credit sequence of Wide World Of Sports, and Dawson points out that the Minutemen haven't won a game in three years, and Mr. Green says that he knows that, but the film would emphasize "not what is, but what could be," and no sooner do I mutter to myself, "Way to rip off Leni Riefenstahl," than Dawson smirks, "The Leni Riefenstahl approach. You know, the Nazis did this too." All right, I'll give the writers a modicum of credit for getting a cultural reference right for a change, but I feel I should point out that Dawson mispronounced "Riefenstahl." Mr. Green, not about to take Dawson's pretensions lying down, points out that Capra and Woody Allen also inspired people, but Dawson spots Eve outside and stops listening, and then he interrupts, "I'll do it, I'll do it -- can I go now?" He grabs his stuff and books outside after Eve, and when he and his dorky brown booties and white socks catch up to her, he informs her, "I'm warning you -- this is the last time I'm going to chase you," and then he bitches about how he doesn't want to get back into the bad habit of chasing after women. Eve, clad in a paisley Band-Aid instead of a proper top, sneers, "Oh, so you're one of those, are you?" "One of whom?" Dawson asks. "Whom"? Eve: "You know, one of those guys who spend the rest of their life [sic] comparing every relationship to their first one?" I hate to say it, but she's got a point. Dawson tries to deny doing that, and Eve says brightly, "Oh, so you're completely over her?" Dawson: "Over who?" Eve: "Nice try -- the brunette it took you all of five minutes to bring up on the bus?" Dawson wants to change the subject; Eve says, "Motion denied," and asks again if he's over Joey, and after a long moment, Dawson says too casually, "Yes." Eve doesn't buy it. Dawson asks why she asked, and she says she wanted to see if he'd tell her the truth, which he didn't, and then she says, "I like that." Huh? Dawson asks, "What else turns you on -- greed and corruption?" Oh, okay. Heh. Eve blurts out, "Sex," and backing him up against a tree (no comment), she goes on, "Sex turns me on, Dawson." Dawson observes glibly that "it tends to do that to people." Eve asks sarcastically, "And you would know -- how?" Ouch. Dawson says he will choose to ignore that slight. Eve says maybe it wasn't a slight but an invitation, and when Dawson asks what she means, she proposes "a night of scorching hot, unbridled, mind-altering sex." Um, Eve? You'll get no such thing from a sixteen-year-old boy.
Anyhow. Dawson asks, "Just like that? No first date, no months of getting to know each other?" and Eve blows those things off as "small-town rituals for small-town girls" and says maybe it'll help Dawson get over Joey. "You're on," Dawson says with a bravado he obviously doesn't feel, and Eve says she'll take care of the time and place, and Dawson should "take care of being prepared." He asks how to find her. She says he doesn't find her -- she finds him. As she wriggles away, Dawson says to himself, "It is so my day."
Loon E. Tunes. Pacey roams the halls looking for Andie "Academia Nut" McPhee (tm LaaLaa). At last, he finds her room, and walks in to see Andie sitting on her bed just a bit too cozily with a guy in khakis and loafers. Do all psychiatric hospitals in New England look this much like a bed-and-breakfast? He knocks, and Andie and her giant overalls and wee little braids hop off the bed and exclaim, "Pacey, oh my god! What are you doing here?" He sweeps her off her feet and says, "I came to surprise you," and Andie totally doesn't hug him back and seems quite relieved when he puts her down, and after stuttering "yeah, okay, yeah" in a screechy nervous voice, she immediately introduces him to Marc, the toolshed wearing the khakis, and then she says she thought her dad would come for her the day, and Pacey stammers, and then Andie shrugs all awkwardly, and I can't speak for everyone, but if I hadn't seen my boyfriend in four months, and I showed up to surprise him and bring him home and found him sitting on his bed with a girl, and he acted all stiff and weird when I hugged him after we had exchanged a bunch of sappy vows of eternal love -- well, let's just say that it doesn't take a master's degree in psychology to smell something rotten in Denmark. Marc interrupts and says he has to go to dinner, but they'll talk soon, and Andie agrees that they will and says goodbye, and as Joey walks in, Marc leaves, and Andie transfers her nervousness onto Joey by hugging her ten times more enthusiastically than she hugged Pacey and squealing, "You came too!" and Joey says that if they don't leave soon, "they're gonna make me stay," and Pacey suggests that they get Andie packed and ready to go, but he can obviously tell something isn't right.
Cheerleading practice. The cheerleaders peel off a single-file formation shaking their pompoms and saying things like, "One two three four, we don't care if we don't score." Jen "Wendy O. Williams" Lindley asks Jack for his opinion. Jack doesn't think it's "optimistic" enough for the pep rally. Jen, who apparently left her Secret Platinum in her other bag, says she really tried, but ever since they elected Jen "leader of their.junta," the pep squad only wants to do snarky cheers; furthermore, Jen says, they've even started to dress like her. She grumbles that cheerleaders must have a genetic predisposition "to have no identity whatsoever," and Jack cracks, "That's the blonde gene," and Jen elbows him and snaps, "Not funny," and Sars mutters, "Word." The two of them stroll alongside the football field, Jen looking even more like a Peterbilt than usual; suddenly a ball flies overhead. Jack jumps up, catches it, and throws it back.
Elsewhere on the field, Henry The Mysterious Freshman-At-A-Three-Year-High-School pesters Coach Flash to let him play. (Sidebar: Mr. Stupidhead's friend once acted in a play with the actor who plays Henry. Just thought I should disclose that.) The Flash snaps, "Power down, Henry." Henry runs around in front of The Flash and pleads, "They're killing us out there. The Flash takes Henry by the neck and explains to him, "We're running play-action patterns against ourselves!" Then he lets go and mutters intensely, "No one is killing us." The Flash really needs to ease up on his PowerBar intake.
Back to the sidelines. Jen says that she thought Jack hadn't decided yet whether he wants to go home, and Jack says his father should have asked him anyway. Another misdirected football slams into the chain-link fence to them, followed by yet another that sails into Jack's arms. Jack tosses it back and grumbles that his father doesn't want him, and Jen says gently, "Trust me -- been there." Jack says that at least she has Grams, and Jen points out, "So do you. And me."
Henry begging, The Flash saying no, Henry begging harder, The Flash saying Henry should play on the JV team, Henry pointing out they don't have one, The Flash saying that Henry will only start if the other QB gets injured, Henry saying the other QB "sucks," The Flash ordering Henry to do "four laps! NOW!" George C. Scott calling from beyond the grave and wanting The Flash to hand over his General Patton imitation.
Jack catches the fourth errant football of the last five minutes. The Flash pretends to notice Jack's innate football ability while checking him out.
Oh, man, here we go -- drugstore. Dawson. Lots of other items on the counter to disguise purchase of condoms. Failure of lots-of-other-items ruse. Deaf clerk; eventual shouting of word "condoms." Discomfiture. Giggling customers. Cut to "AISLE SIX!" Middle-aged guy; advice. Tootling muzak. Incorrect information on prophylactic varieties. Second, slightly younger guy. Revelation that glow-in-the-dark rubbers don't work. Middle-aged woman; suggestion of "Brown Betty." Grabbing of Brown Betty by everyone except Dawson. Dawson: "This is not happening." Penetration of Sars's cornea by carpet staple. ["Am I the only one put off by a condom brand name with the word 'Brown' in it? Just checking." -- Wing Chun]
Over at the LETPF, Pacey too-casually observes that Marc "seems like a pretty nice guy" as he and Andie and Joey lug boxes to the car. He asks what Marc is "in" for. Andie says all sulkily, "That's private, Pacey." Pacey tells her, "Come on, it's just us," and Andie squirms and says, "Let's not talk about Marc, please?" Pacey, still in too-casual mode, says it strikes him as odd that Andie never mentioned Marc, whom she seemed to get pretty close to, in any of her letters or e-mails, but Joey cuts to the chase by saying, "Pacey, drop the male-jealousy thing." Pacey says tersely, "It's a long walk home, Potter." Hee! Joey smoothes her hair. Andie teases Pacey for getting jealous, and Pacey says he spent months "counting the moments" until he could see her, so of course he gets jealous that another guy got to hear her stories and eat dinner with her. Andie smiles and says, "Well, we're together now, aren't we?" and they start smooching. Joey announces, "Finally, the reunion kiss we've all been waiting for. So, let's go."
Jump cut to an uncomfortably tight close-up of The Flash fweeping on his coach's whistle. He yells some touch-football instructions, including "now 'touch' does not mean 'half-ass,'" and I thought he'd go somewhere else entirely with that thought, but never mind -- The Flash hollers "BREAK!" so vehemently that I thought he would burst a blood vessel. Henry starts pestering The Flash yet again, and asks him to "call in a ringer" so that Henry can better impress The Flash with his abilities. The Flash tells him patiently that the team is divided and there isn't anyone left. Henry beams, "Sure there is." Cut to the huddle, and the camera pans across the requisite jockstraps and over to Jack, who looks uncomfortable. Henry calls the play (did I say that right? I know to nothing about football), and everyone screams "BREAK!" again, and Jack says nervously, "Okay." Let me get this straight -- the writers made a big point of Jack's clumsiness for two full episodes last season, and now they've turned him into a wide receiver? Oh, right -- I forgot that gay men have better hand-eye coordination. What. Ever.
Anyhow, cue the La Cage Aux Football montage, in which Jack runs, catches, rolls on the ground, and earns admiring looks from The Flash (no comment) and the cheerleaders while managing not to get a single grass stain on his product-placed American Eagle shorts. Henry high-fives the upperclassmen in his blue mesh cut-off shirt. Unbelievable.
Pacey buckles his seatbelt in the Sheriffmobile and solicits station requests. From the back seat, Joey chooses "alternative," only to get shot down by Pacey: "Classic rock it is." Joey glares at him. Meanwhile, Andie stares out the window glumly. Pacey calls her on it, and she says, "I'm fine -- I'm just happy to be with you and to be going home." She nods as if to convince herself and looks back out the window. Pacey makes no pretense of believing her, just sighs and puts the car in gear. A tear slides down Andie's cheek.
Bats? BATS? Did somebody somewhere get a check for that screenplay? Oh, and Chris, or Max, or whatever they call you on Roswell? STOP LETTING YOUR MOTHER CUT YOUR HAIR.
Fade up on a locker-cam shot of Andie and her new layered hairdo; Jack comes up behind her and asks, "How's the first day of classes going there, gorgeous?" "Very well, I must say," Andie says perkily, and Jack says he really missed her, and Andie says she missed him too, and they share a big hug. Aw. Pacey pulls Jack away from Andie a little too roughly and jokes, "Hey hey hey, get your hands off my girlfriend," and Jack raises his eyebrows and jokes back, "Get your hands off my sister." Andie finishes gathering her stuff, and Pacey suggests catching a movie and then strolling down to "our spot" as their evening's plan. Andie says, "Oh, well, I was thinking we could all grab dinner tonight, you know, as a group." Jack begs off; he promised Jen he'd go to the pep rally. He veers off in another direction as Andie says that the pep rally sounds like fun, and I can't believe that anyone, even Andie, would think that "pep rally" and "fun" belong in the same sentence, but on the other hand, if I'd just spent the summer months more or less on lockdown in a mental facility/bed-and-breakfast, so bored that I'd resorted to having a fling with a future-insurance-adjuster toadstool like Marc-y Marc, I'd probably think a pep rally sounded like fun too. Pacey reminds her that the gang doesn't really do the whole school-spirit thing and asks, "What about you and me?" and as Jack returns, looking with a furrowed brow at a piece of paper, Andie says they have plenty of time to be alone together, and she just wants to spend time around normal people. Pacey forces a chuckle and asks, "Well, what am I?" and Jack teases him, "Well, she said 'normal people,'" and cuffs Pacey and laughs, and Pacey basically says "like, ha ha, not," and Jack goes to class. Pacey slings an arm around Andie and says, "You know, McPhee, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to avoid being alone with me." Andie, not meeting his eye, says she isn't, and besides, they can be alone after, or the day, "okay? Bye." She kisses him on the cheek and goes to class. Pacey frowns.
Jack approaches The Flash; he got a message that The Flash wanted to see him. The Flash puts out orange cones and tells Jack he wants him to join the team. Jack says no way. The Flash says he and Henry did a great job. Jack asks if he has to "spell it out for" The Flash. The Flash says yes, he does, so Jack spells it out: "A gay kid on the football team. Now if that isn't a written invitation for ridicule, what is?" The Flash says one has nothing to do with the other, and Jack says in a perfect world, maybe it doesn't, but "that's not Capeside." The Flash delivers a monologue about why he took the coaching job, and the suckiness of the team, and the toughness of the last year of his life, and how he can't let a chance at winning escape, because "that's somethin' I could really use right now. Jack, I think you could too." Jack gives him a distrustful stare.
Dawson packs the SUV. Jen strolls over from Grams's house and asks what he's doing. The drugstore bag falls on the ground, and Jen picks it up, peeks in, and spots the condoms. After sarcastically expressing her shock, she asks, "Who is the lucky girl?" Dawson declines to answer ["That's just as well, since I don't know that the word 'lucky' describes a potential sexual partner of Dawson's." -- Wing Chun], and Jen notes that, ever since he returned from Philadelphia, "someone's been whistling a very different tune." Dawson proclaims himself "a Dawson Leery for the new millennium," and Jen asks if "Dawson 2000" is ready to have sex. Dawson doesn't get it. Jen says, "Sex isn't a one-way street, Dawson -- there's gonna be expectations where you're concerned." He asks her advice. Big mistake -- Jen observes sagely that virgins always go too slow or too fast, and asks which he thinks he'll be, and Dawson doesn't know how he would know, a response which prompts Jen to go into a long-winded, inapt, and vaguely disgusting metaphor involving an ice-cream sundae. I would go into more detail, but -- but -- I! Want! TO LIVE! A few choice phrases in case you don't get the idea: "Lick around the exterior." "You want to make that sundae last a long time." "If you don't get the whipped cream all over your face, you're not doin' it right." Shut up, Jen. [Ow! -- Wing Chun]
Cut to cymbals clashing as the Capeside bank geeks, clad in tri-corner hats, plow through a fight song. Jen, in torn fishnets and so-'87 crimped hair, does a terrible imitation of Janeane Garofalo as a cheer, then herds the other pep-folk off the stage. Principal Green makes a sarcastic comment, then introduces The Flash, and The Flash in turn introduces the team, and the linebackers burst through blue-and-yellow banners as the crowd cheers. In the back, Andie, Pacey, and Joey file into the auditorium and sit down, and Pacey immediately says he's seen enough and proposes leaving, and Joey says, "Good idea," and they both get right back up again, but Andie -- her hair in age-inappropriate Smurfy little ponytails that have the unfortunate effect of making Meredith Monroe look even more, well, thirty than usual -- pulls them back down. Just then, The Flash introduces "wide receiver Jack McPhee," and Jack slumps towards the stage with his hands in his pockets as the sound of teenage-girl shrieking gets distinctly louder. Jack smiles and bites his lip, secretly pleased in spite of himself. Pacey: "When did this happen?" Joey: "It's news to me." Andie: "Jen's a cheerleader and -- Jack's on the football team? Okay, I got sane and everybody else went crazy?" Yeah, really. Jack high-fives the cheerleaders and The Flash introduces starting quarterback Henry Parker. Jack must have passed the klutz baton to Henry, because young Hank stumbles as he runs up on the stage. He gets up, and he and Jen have major eye contact, in slo-mo just in case the iron skillet missed on the first pass. Henry apologizes. Jen says "it's cool" several times. Henry picks up one of her pompoms instead of the football, and Jen points this out and then giggles as Henry ogles her. Cannons fire and confetti streamers whip across the crowd as The Flash introduces the entire team, and Andie claps delightedly, and Jack and Henry bask in the attention. Pacey hugs Andie, and she tries to put him off, saying, "Frisky much?" Pacey suggests they go elsewhere; Andie says, "Um, in a little bit," and doesn't look at him. Pacey grouses, "Come on, McPhee," and Andie says brightly but firmly, "I said in a little while." Pacey grabs her arm and drags her out into the hall, saying he wants to talk to her, but not in front of the whole school. Joey watches them go and makes a "yikes" face.
The Flash announces "a closer look at the Capeside Minutemen," and a huge screen -- which, by the way, I doubt that a regional Cape Cod high school could ever afford -- descends. Stock footage of wacky athletic stuff rolls as Dawson intones portentously about valor and a bunch of other sporting qualities in the voice-over. Dawson himself watches from backstage. Enter Eve, saying that "the time has come." Dawson splutters. Eve overrules him. Hark! The boner pops, and Dawson babbles, "They say that girls like you don't exist." Eve says, "They lie," and drags Dawson behind the scrim. His arm reaches out and grabs the bag with the condoms in it. God help us all.
Hallway. Pacey demanding to know what Andie's deal is, and telling her not to say "nothing, because you've been acting strange from the second I picked you up from that clinic, and now I have to beg you to spend some free time with me." Andie walking ahead silently; Andie's ponytails suffering from major continuity problems. Pacey finishing, "So what is happening?" Andie, on the point of tears: "We shouldn't talk about this here, Pacey." Pacey, grimly: "So I'm right." Andie, gesticulating: "Look, this is not the time, okay?" Pacey asking, "Is it me?" and wondering if she wants to break up with him, and Andie saying no, that's the last thing she wants, and Pacey pressing her. Andie getting defensive: "A lot happened to me this summer, Pacey, a lot." Pacey: "What are you trying to say?" Andie making Pacey promise that, if they have to do this now, he won't say one word until she finishes. Pacey agreeing and rubbing her arms, and Andie pulling away and saying that, by the time she went to LETPF, a.k.a. "Mayfield," she had become someone else: "I wasn't the girl you fell in love with." Andie continuing, with much twisting of her hands, that she met Marc her first week, and Marc had gone through everything she had and more, and then explaining, "I didn't write to you about him, because I didn't want you to get jealous -- we were just friends." Andie beginning to cry in earnest. Pacey narrowing his eyes, his face hardening in pain as it becomes clear how this story is going to end. Andie: "We'd spend our free time together, just talking endlessly, mostly about our fears. I was so afraid, Pacey, afraid of everything. I was scared that they were never gonna let me out of there, or that whatever was broken inside of me wouldn't be fixable." Pacey regarding her sternly, but tenderly too, and Andie going on, "Marc -- he understood these things like nobody else could because they were his fears too. He had a girlfriend that he was anxious to get back to." Andie giving Pacey a pleading look. Pacey: "You slept with him?" Andie answering, "We knew immediately afterwards that it was wrong, for both of us." Pacey staring at her in disbelief and whispering, "You slept with him, Andie." Andie weeping and saying she and Marc decided to go back to being friends and never to tell their significant others, and blubbering that it's the worst mistake she's ever made and she can't stop thinking about what will happen if Pacey can't forgive her. Andie pleading, "Pacey, you have to forgive me, please, you have to forgive me." Pacey shaking his head and looking at her like he's never seen her before, then storming out of the building.
The gym. Dawson and Eve make out behind the screen. Eve unbuttons Dawson's shirt as Dawson suggests relocating to a janitor's closet instead. More making out. Long story short, Dawson's butt (not naked, praise the Lord) sets off the screen controls, and the scrim lifts to reveal Dawson, half shirtless, and Eve, wearing only a bra, to the entire school. Everyone begins to hoot and cheer, the football team rises to give them a standing ovation, and as Jen and Jack start laughing hysterically, the band launches into the Rocky theme (heh). The Flash and Mr. Green stare at Dawson and then sort of laugh as Dawson makes a nice recovery and takes a bow with Eve. Then he sees Joey staring at him from the audience; as he catches her eye, she looks down, then back up at him coldly. His huge face falls. Cut to commercial.
The empty, litter-strewn auditorium. Dawson sits glumly in his XXXL clothing at the edge of the stage. Eve approaches, sits beside him, and asks, "Are you ready?" Dawson says he'll probably just catch a ride home, and they proceed to have more or less the same conversation that they did in the episode, to wit that if Dawson ever gets around to having sex, he wants it to mean something. Eve says that sex for its own sake isn't a bad reason to sleep with someone, but Dawson holds his ground in saying that, for him, it is the wrong reason. Not a terribly realistic sentiment coming from a sixteen-year-old boy, true, but still, sort of a sweet one, and one I should have kept better sight of a few times my own self. And I hesitate to say it, but the writers actually made Dawson somewhat likable in this week's episode. Anyhow, Eve tells him her last name -- "Whitman" -- but balks at giving up her digits.
Pacey drops Joey off at the Bastard Barn. She says she doesn't think they'll go to any pep rallies in the near future, and Pacey drones lifelessly, "Probably not," and Joey thanks him for the ride, and he drones just as flatly, "No problem." Joey starts to get out, presumably to fetch the bra she totally forgot to wear in this scene, but stops to give Pacey some advice; prefacing it with the idea that he probably doesn't want to hear it right now, especially not from Joey, she plows ahead anyway as Pacey rolls his eyes. "You have to talk to her," Joey says, and Pacey says sadly, "No. Not right now. I couldn't even look at her right now." Joey presses him, "You have to, Pacey. You have to hear her out," and Pacey explodes, "Why? What's the difference, Joey? Huh? No matter what she says, the ending's still the same -- she slept with somebody else!" Joey leans forward and says, "You think that just because you two were together, what she did to you hurts more?" I don't get what she means; either she means that Andie feels just as hurt as Pacey, or that what Joey saw Dawson do tonight hurts just as much as what Andie did to Pacey, but either way it doesn't quite make sense. Anyway, she continues, "It doesn't. There's no difference, Pacey, I mean, she's sixteen years old and so are you. We talk like we know what's going on but we don't. We don't have any idea. We're really young, and we're gonna screw up a lot. You know, we're going to keep changing our minds and, and sometimes even our hearts." Pacey grits his teeth and stares straight ahead. Joey adds, "And through all of that, the only real thing we can offer each other is forgiveness. And I couldn't do that. Or at least I did it too late. Don't let yourself get so angry that you stop loving, because one day you'll wake up from that anger, and the person you love will be gone." Pacey looks at her, then closes his eyes. Joey gets out of the car.
Hallway. Jen complains to Jack about her itchy fishnets. Mr. McPhee appears, and Jen makes herself scarce so the McPhees can talk. Mr. McPhee says that Grams called him and said he should go down to the school, but he didn't know what for until he saw Jack on the stage. He starts to clap Jack on the shoulder but stops himself, instead saying stiffly, "Congratulations," and walking down the hall with Jack. Mr. McPhee, practically choking on the words: "Seeing you on that stage made me realize -- I was wrong." Jack doesn't understand. Mr. McPhee says, "I, I honestly thought I was doing what was best for you. I thought living under my care would be too hard, that there were too many differences between us," but adds that when he saw Jack in his football jersey, he saw himself in Jack. Oh, so now that Jack plays football, he can come home? The hell? Jack busts him for that, and Mr. McPhee admits that Jack has a point. Then he says softly, "I would like very much for you to come home." Jack says no. Mr. McPhee, obviously a bit hurt, looks down and stammers, "Well, I figured that would be your response. But I needed to ask." Jack says, "Thanks." Mr. McPhee wishes him goodnight and hurries away, on the point of tears, and Jack stops him and says, "Dad, ask me again sometime?" Mr. McPhee nods and goes on his way. I found that kind of touching.
The waterfront. Andie broods. Enter Pacey. Andie says she hoped he'd find her there. Pacey says he told himself a thousand times not to come, and Andie asks why he did come. Pacey: "'Cause I owe you that much." Andie, voice quavering: "I've already told you how sorry I am, what else can I say?" Way to expect a whiny apology to cover you, Andie. Not. Pacey: "There's nothing else to say." Andie: "So you don't think you can forgive me?" Pacey, resolutely not looking in the direction of Andie's whimpering sobs: "Whether or not I can forgive you, Andie, is not going to be what keeps us apart. What you did -- our relationship was like this beautiful thing, and I don't think you ever realized how powerful it was." Andie weeps as Pacey goes on in the same tiresome you-made-me-what-I-am-today vein that we had to endure at the end of the second season. She stepped out on your ass, Pacey, so kick her to the curb already. Anyhow. Pacey goes on to say that he realized, when she started to get sick, that he might not be the same person for her that she was for him, and he adds, "I can never go back to loving you the way I did, knowing that my love wasn't strong enough the first time around." I never thought these words would appear on my word-processing screen, but what the hell -- well put, writers. Tears pour down Andie's face. Pacey says, "I can always forgive you, Andie, but I can never forget." He sighs and gets up, and she gets up too and snivels, "But I still love you, Pacey," and I don't mean to sound all judgmental, because I've not led a blameless life, but Andie, you should have thought of that before you hid the sausage with Marc-y Marc and his funky bunch, okay? Andie takes Pacey's hand, but he pulls it away and says, "Goodbye, Andie." He walks away, and Andie keeps crying.
As a remake of "Time After Time" plinks away in the background, The Flash and Dawson get out of the SUV at Estrangement Estates (tm Wing). The Flash stops on his way up the lawn and looks out, and Dawson follows his gaze to see Joey slumped on the dock. Damn, the women on this show have terrible posture. Dawson furrows his brow and goes to investigate. Joey says she's not sure why she came over, but "your house is like magnetic north -- certain nights, it just draws me in." She says that over the summer she used to come by the dock in her boat sometimes, "for old times' sake, I guess." Dawson says they can't go back. She says she knows that, she's realized it for awhile, and she starts to say, "Earlier tonight," and Dawson interrupts to apologize, but Joey says it's okay, she thinks she had to see him with Eve: "In some weird way, it helped me. I mean, seeing you on that stage, something inside of me clicked, and for the first time -- I felt how wrong it would be. I mean we, we really do need to move on and to meet new people and to have new relationships." Dawson says, "It's weird how that happens, isn't it?" and as Joey turns to look at him, he adds, "You still love the person, you just stop needing them like you used to." Joey says, "Yeah. It's weird, and -- it's kinda sad." Dawson doesn't answer, sighing instead. A moment of silence passes before Joey asks, "So we're friends, and then we're a couple, then friends again, then we're a couple, so -- so what are we now?" Dawson says, "We're Dawson and Joey." Joey looks puzzled, and Dawson undoes his dorky mall-booth necklace and puts it around her neck. He watches her as she admires it around her neck and smiles. Joey wants to know, "Do you think every Joey has a Dawson and every Dawson has a Joey?" and I would like to thank the writers for giving that line to Joey instead of to Dawson, because it made me ill, but not as ill as it could have. Dawson smiles wryly before answering, "I hope so. For their sake." Joey half-smiles. They sit in companionable silence on the dock as the camera pans up to the strains of "Time After Time." You know, I thought that would be a lot worse.