Snaps to JS, xntryx, and Wing.
After a montage of scenes from episodes in which Jack "Ready Or Not, Here I Come" McPhee repeatedly avows his heterosexuality, we fade up on the Sanctum Dawsonorum. Jerry Maguire is on the TV. Tom Cruise -- living symbol of Hollywood's love affair with mediocrity, not to mention poster boy for the celebrity-outing frenzy of the last few years -- blathers on about the fish coming with him, as Dawson "Raisin Brat" Leery arrives home from school and Sars tries to resist the urge to make a whole passel of Top Gun jokes. Dawson, in his capacity as "personal homework courier," has brought Pacey "Too Good To Be True" Witter's homework with him. Dawson remarks snidely that he has come in "just in time for a personal screening of his home theater." From his slumped position on Dawson's bed, Pacey wearily informs Dawson that he'll go back to his own house when his suspension ends the day, "but until then, I'm willing to risk you getting sick of me for invading your personal domain, because hiding out here and alienating you beats the hell out of torture and death at the hands of my father back at home." Hmm -- seems like disappearing for a week might upset him a little bit, too, but okay. Dawson says, "I'm glad to help, I'm just saying that I will be -- happy once my room returns to its original owner. And odor." Don't run Pacey over in that welcome wagon or anything, Dawson. Anyway, Dawson comments, "Jerry Maguire again?" Pacey says he has the movie "on continuous loop -- it speaks to my current situation as a renegade moral crusader," and asks Dawson, "So -- what's new in the land of higher education?" Dawson: "Pretty much the same old, plus or minus a few sexual identity crisis [sic]." Pacey then asks after Jack, and Dawson responds that Jack "seems okay -- kind of keeping a low profile." Pacey: "And Joey?" Dawson: "She's fine." Pacey, just a little too casually: "And -- Andie?" Dawson says that, last he heard, Andie "DSM" McPhee had run off "to Bali with a Brazilian soap star named Diego," and something about Andie being happy and tan, and then he exhorts Pacey, "Would you just call her, you idiot? I can't believe you've let a week go by without even talking to her." Neither can I, now that I think about it. Pacey says that "it's not that easy," and that Andie blames him for precipitating the whole scandale du Jacques, while Pacey feels that Andie has behaved shortsightedly and insensitively, "so for right now, we're at an impasse." Dawson points out that the situation has progressed from an impasse to "avoidance," and advises Pacey to swallow his pride and apologize -- "get your girlfriend back." Pacey doesn't want to apologize because he stood up for something he believed in: "I was right! Look at my man Jerry here, his mission statement -- he took a stand!" Dawson adds, "And he lost everything. And he had to beg, grovel, and crawl to get it all back. And he was not sleeping on his best friend's floor." Pacey: "I thought you said I could have the bed tonight." Dawson: "I -- don't think so." Pacey, mock-sulky: "Joey gets the bed." Dawson: "Haaa -- don't go there."
Paula Cole doesn't want to wait for our lives to be over. No, seriously. You heard it here first. Oh, and you know what else? If you drink Mountain Dew with a song from Pulp Fiction in the background, that makes you cool. Oh, and guess what? Dingy clothes come from -- stains. Can you believe that?
Dawson walks Joey home, which she says he didn't have to do; he says maybe he wanted to. Dawson: "How you doing?" Joey, quietly: "Okay, I guess." Dawson: "Blues club make you more blue?" Joey, even more quietly: "Yeah." Dawson asks if she wants to talk about it. I can't decide if he really wants to help or if, typically, he has an angle here, but either way, they head inside. Joey says something about "stupid" and Dawson remarks that he has a world of experience with stupidity. Um, well, word. Joey wants to ask Dawson something, "straightforward and honest," and when he tells her, "You know you can," she asks, "Um -- am I sexual?" Dawson, flabbergasted: "What?" Joey, sadly: "The thing is, um, I know that Jack's not gay, but he's obviously confused about something, and it's always kept him at a distance, and -- I was just wondering if he chose me because I, I'm safe." Bemused, Dawson repeats, "You're safe?" Joey says, "Look at me -- Joey Potter, virgin at large. I don't have any really experience with men or relationships or sex." Dawson says with great intensity, "Joey, you are extremely sexual," but Joey, on the point of tears, reminds him, "You didn't see it. You fell for Jen, sex machine, and I was something else to you." Dawson looks taken aback, and as Joey plays with her hair in distress, Dawson explains, "Joey, I was just stupid. It took me time to see what was there." Joey, expecting to hear something depressing: "So what was there?" Dawson says gently as he walks over to Joey, "There was an amazingly sexy girl. Joey, your sexuality is in everything you do -- your wit, your intelligence, your anger, your feistiness," and as Joey looks down awkwardly, he goes on, "I see it more and more every day. You're blossoming. That is amazingly sexy." Joey says, in a sort of it-would-mean-more-coming-from-someone-else tone, "Thanks, Dawson." Dawson doesn't think the real question is why Jack chose Joey, but rather why Joey chose Jack. Interesting point, but not one that I think Dawson has the right to make, really. Joey doesn't answer, and Dawson leaves Joey cringing in pain in the kitchen, probably from the seriously pukey dialogue. Good performances from the actors, though, especially in light of the icky-pants lines they had to deliver.
Capeside High. The principal. Pacey. The principal makes a snide comment about Pacey's tardy record; Pacey hands her a report he compiled declaring Mr. Peterson unfit to teach, based on the state by-laws for professional ethics for teachers. Pacey reads part of it. The principal seems skeptical. Pacey says that it contains testimony from other students, and that he sent copies to the school board, and that he wants Mr. Peterson "publicly reprimanded." The principal hopes Pacey knows what he's doing, and given Pacey's appearances before the school board, so do I. Pacey apologizes for going around her but he did what he had to do. Pacey takes off, and the principal purses her lips and goes inside. Whatever.