All right, people. [cracks knuckles] Let's do this thing.
The show opens with one of my favorite things – a giant dance number that incorporates each couple, the judges, Erin Andrews, and some great dancing from the pros. Why wasn't Tom in there dancing? Come on, Tom.
Tom and Erin welcome us and reminds us that the stars chose their own dance style this week (although some of them didn't seem to remember doing so, which is all a little fishy). And the bombshell: tonight is a double elimination. And since the scoring is based on last week's votes and judges' scores, they could announce the elimination at any time. I mean, why make it less cruel and just announce it now when you can torture these poor people? Anyway, they start off by telling Drew and Cheryl that they are safe, and that they are going to dance right now.
They have the jive this week. As they rehearse, Drew realizes that he's more comfortable performing in front of the crowd and feels extra awkward in rehearsal. Interesting; that's probably the reverse of most of the contestants. Anyway, it's time for their routine! Cheryl's no dummy and she takes at least eight measures before she makes Drew start dancing with lots of what Len would call faffing about. Drew looks like he's having fun but his arm and foot placement isn't nearly as precise as it should be for a jive. If he can work on precision, he might go far; his basic moves are pretty good.
Judges? Len liked Cheryl's mix of steps and Drew was very entertaining, although he needs to work on technique. Bruno thinks that Drew is a professional entertainer because he covered his minor mistakes very well. Carrie Ann enjoys Drew's vitality and spring in his step, and thinks he'll like his scores. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Drew seems pleased.
More results: Billy Dee and Emma are safe. Wow. Really? I guess he got some friends to pull a Jedi mind trick on the voters. Meryl and Max are also safe. Danica and Val are also safe, and they are dancing right now.
Danica chose the samba for her dance. In rehearsal, Val says that he wanted them to stand out from the crowd more, but Danica was happy with their scores. Val says he's pushing her with the difficulty this week and Danica is stressed out with the reduced rehearsal time. So how did it all works out? First off, Danica looks sexy as hell. She is working it. And they do an amazing samba roll. But there's something missing from her dancing and I can't pinpoint it exactly. It's like she's an 8 or a 9 at this point, but I can't see her getting a 10. Maybe the judges can help. I also want to complain about the camera work so far in this episode; they keep cutting to close-ups and I can't see the footwork. Stop that, producers.
Judges? Bruno compliments her extensions on the samba roll, but she needs to work on some of the little details. Carrie Ann thinks she dominated the samba, but she gets a little lost when she's not in hold. Len tells her to straighten her legs a bit more, but she did a tough dance on week two and it was terrific. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8.
Billy Dee is still hanging around, and he was really disappointed with his scores last week. This week he has the tango, and in rehearsals, he gets discouraged because he feels like he looks like an old man in the mirror. Aw, that's actually really sad. Getting old kind of sucks. Emma brings in two other women to dance with them and it energizes Billy Dee as he gets his flirt on. You go, Colt .45. Emma's a genius because not only did it energize him, but it distracts to have the other two women dancing around them. I'll say this for Billy Dee: he's stiff and flat-footed but he doesn't miss a step. Emma should really encourage him to lose the sunglasses and flirt with the cameras. I think that's what people want to see.
Judges? Carrie Ann thought he handled the three women like a superstar, and despite his physical issues, he needs to add in some more content. Len wanted it to be sharper with more attack, and wants to see Billy Dee have fun out there. Bruno gets caught up in some sort of gay joke I think? He doesn't give any actual critique, which is probably fine. Scores: Carrie Ann 5, Len 5, and Bruno 5. Fair. I mean, he really just walked around the put his arms up about twice.
Meryl and Maks are up . They have swing dancing this week and Meryl is looking forward to doing some of the tricks and tosses. Maks is a little nervous to throw her around but it's not like Meryl isn't used to being tossed around by her male partner. I know they don't do as MUCH flying in ice dancing as they do in pairs, but they do some. Meryl's elbows are kind of freaking me out. They are knobby. Anyway, Maks says he's too old for this and this is the first partner that Maks has had in a while that does kind of make him look old. Wow, their routine is high energy. They start out in the skybox and then fly down the stairs and he's just tossing her around. And the dancing bits are great too. Meryl has a tendency to get a leeetle bit ahead of the beat, but other than that: fantastic.
Judges? Len compliments the band and thought their swing had wings. Bruno thought it was an acrobatic extravaganza and she never lost the style even if she did lose timing a few times. Maks wants to know where she lost timing because he doubts it. Come on, Maks. She did. Carrie Ann loves that she got Maks to work his butt off (and Meryl pats his butt) and she loves his athleticism. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 9, and Bruno 8. I thought it deserved all 9s, to be honest. I kind of love how Erin Andrews, as Maks's former partner, takes the piss out of him and eggs him on to speak his mind. Maks knows better, although he does say that Len is the important judge. We all know it's true.
More results: Amy and Derek are safe. Candace and Mark are safe too. Man, they are really trying to push this Candace/Danica rivalry; they cut to Danica who is just clapping, so stop pushing it, show. And Diana and Henry are eliminated. Diana is disappointed that they don't get to do their routine, and Tom says they'll let them do it. Aw, that's nice. Especially for Diana, who really seemed to be in this just for the experience and the fun. They do the cha cha cha and it's about what you'd expect if you saw Diana last week but she has a fucking ball, and good for her.
Jeremy Miller is in the ballroom. Oh, Ben Seaver. He says that he's rooting for both of them. He weirdly looks exactly the same as he did in the latter seasons. I wonder if he still talks to Leonardo DiCaprio. Candace and Mark have the rumba this week, and Candace is struggling with the potential raunchiness of it. She doesn't want Mark to go shirtless. No one wants that, Candace. Stick to your guns. I think a beautiful non-raunchy rumba is possible; I don't know if Mark is the dancer to choreograph it. Let's see. It's very passionate but kind of in a Twilight way. I don't like the choreography. It seems more contemporary than rumba; I don't see a lot of hip action or flowing arms. I think Candace is capable of those things. They just weren't a part of this routine.
Carrie Ann says the styling was more contemporary than rumba. I said that! Len says that she needs more fluidity and romance. Bruno loved her attack and emotional depth, but thinks the other judges are right. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Well, they got that one out of the way. Let's hope they get something like the waltz week. I think she would be amazing at that.
Derek and Amy have the swing dance this week and they have the unique challenge that, as Amy says, her legs could come flying off while she's dancing. In rehearsals, Amy says that the dance moves very fast and it's difficult because she needs a second when she lands to regain her balance and make sure her leg is still locked on. Derek jokes that one could fly off and knock Bruno out. She has an amazing attitude. Wow. You guys, if you didn't know, there's no way you could tell she's wearing prosthetics. That was pretty amazing. It was perhaps not quite as dynamic as Meryl's dance, in that they didn't cover as much ground on the floor, but the moves were all there and she had attitude to spare. There were a few misses on an arm pass and a bit off at the end, but really great.
Judges? Len thought they used the music well and she's amazing. Bruno points out that they missed an arm pass, which isn't what you'd expect them to miss, and Derek blames his jacket. Carrie Ann praises how synchronized their movements were. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8.
More results: Charlie and Sharna are safe as are James and Peta. And James and Peta are dancing right now. Peta notes that Len called James eye candy and she wants him to be known as an amazing dancer instead. James, totally deadpan, says that they should wear fewer clothes and STILL have people focus on their technique. That's the challenge. Hey, he's got a sense of humor. They have the salsa this week, and James really wants to beat Cody. How's their dance? They have some amazing lifts and stunts, and when James is dancing solo, he looks pretty good. But he's not good in hold and his posture is terrible. And I hate that he's wearing sneakers instead of dance shoes.
Judges? Bruno likes that James has come out of his shell and was able to keep focus. Carrie Ann thought James joined the sexy Hall of Fame. Seriously? He's handsome but he doesn't do it for me. Too skinny. Len thought he really attacked the dance but it made him lose a little technique. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 8. I guess. I just wasn't that impressed.
Sharna has Charlie go and talk to Maks to learn how to be a bad boy. And of course, Maks has a lot of tips about how to be arrogant and self-centered. When it comes to the tango only, of course. In the routine, Charlie's footwork and posture are great but I'm not buying the persona. He should have slicked his hair back. It's tough for me to think of someone as a bad boy when he looks like Christopher Atkins.
Judges? Carrie Ann thinks the power came from Charlie and his control and confidence, and she compares him to Baryshnikov. Len reminds Charlie that there are rules in dancing, just like in figure skating, and one rule in the tango is that you can't break hold except at the beginning and the end. Bruno loved Bad Boy Charlie, and he seemed like a predator with a killer instinct. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 7, and Bruno 9. Whoa, Len. I thought he'd get an 8. There's lots of booing.
Tom announces that they're going to make the last three couples dance before they reveal who's going home.
Nene and Tony are dancing the jive first. Nene announces that her husband picked the jive, not her, and she's getting really frustrated. When they start dancing, Nene takes a while to get going and she doesn't have the attack or intensity that some of the others had. She doesn't miss a step, though, and about halfway through, things coalesce and she looks pretty good. She's not awful, although her costumes are terrible.
Judges? Len notes her mistake at the beginning, and he admires her for doing the jive in week two. Bruno loved the shimmy and shake, but he wanted it sharper on the footwork. Carrie Ann thinks she looked more comfortable this week and advises her to do big arms, but Tony disagrees. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. I kind of hate Tony's attitude like those scores are unfair because the judges didn't understand it. It wasn't that good! Take it easy, Tony.
Sean and Karina have the salsa. Karina works with Sean to look like he's having fun and sell the dance through his facial expressions. Did she succeed? Sean starts out by watching Karina carefully when they're dancing side-by-side; it makes it seem like he doesn't know the steps and was watching her to make sure he's doing it right. There's a lot of footwork but Sean's moves are a little more Irish jig and a little less Latin. There are a lot of cool lifts and a ton of content. He just doesn't really have the musicality.
Judges? Bruno liked to see his lighter side, but he needs to get his hips going. Carrie Ann thinks there's something really authentic about his dancing and rhythm. Len tells Sean he only needs to get higher marks each week to stick around. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. They are pleased to have a higher score this week.
Cody and his many teenaged fans are ready to dance! But first, we see the rehearsal footage where Cody keeps pushing to add modern flair while Witney is trying to keep things traditional because she knows what's what the judges want to see. Cody needs to learn how to keep his mouth closed while he dances. His kicks are very sharp and his rhythm is great, but his footwork lacks a bit, mostly because he's quite pigeon-toed. I didn't see enough personality from him this week.
Judges? Carrie Ann loved how he stylized things a little bit, but he needs to watch his frame. Len thought it could have been tighter with a stronger frame, but he was impressed that Cody fit a moonwalk into a tango. Bruno thinks Cody can be very compelling, and you can tell he worked hard, but sometimes he leans forward when he's in hold. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 8. Cody looks disappointed.
After the final performance, Nene and Tony are announced to be safe, so it's either Sean or Cody going home. Who will it be? Of course, it's Sean. Cody's fans aren't letting him go home in the first week. Welp, it had better be Billy Dee week, and then maybe we can ditch Nene, and then I think we've got a competition.
Final Scores:
Meryl and Maks: 25
James and Peta: 25
Charlie and Sharna: 25
Danica and Val: 24
Amy and Derek: 24
Cody and Witney: 22
Drew and Cheryl: 21
Candace and Mark: 21
Nene and Tony: 21
Billy Dee and Emma: 15