The season's first results show starts with a group dance by all of the pros and the troupe. So we're still doing the troupe? I've noticed that the male eye candy quotient is much higher this season than in past years, at least for me. Or maybe I'm just turning into a horny old lady. But between Gleb and Tristan and (I'm sorry) Derek, I don't mind the pro numbers at all. I'm also impressed with the number of people dancing right now, and they don't run into one another at all.
This leads into a clip package of the highlights and lowlights from last night. They are very short clips and there's no behind-the-scenes footage, so if you already watched last night's episode, you've seen it all. And it was just last night - if you can't remember, I think you've got bigger issues than me not recapping every moment.
Moving right on to the first results, so let's move this along. Ingo and Kym are safe. Apparently, they can't hear Brooke so they don't react for the first two times she calls their names. Tom reads the couple that is safe: Sean and Peta. Blech. I mean, his dance was fine but I don't like that dude. Also safe are Wynonna and Tony. She either doesn't hear it or doesn't understand that she's safe, and Tony has to tell her. And who is the first couple in jeopardy? Victor and Lindsay. Well, that's expected. He wasn't that good and he probably doesn't have a huge fanbase voting for him.
The audience got to choose the encore dance, and they chose Zendaya and Val. Of course they did; all the kids these days are on Twitter, right? I'm glad she's good because she's going to be on this show for a long time. So they dance the encore and it's still good, but I think she needs to strengthen her core, because some of her spins are a bit wobbly.
Tom interviews Aly and Mark and reveals that, due to a production screw-up, they couldn't find each other right before they danced last night, and Mark was more nervous than Aly. Tom tells them they can stop being nervous because they're safe. He moves on to DL and Cheryl, who are clearly expecting to be in jeopardy. DL is very reserved as he answers Tom's questions until Tom tells him that he's coming back week. It is the greatest reaction I've seen on this show: Cheryl blurts out, "WHAT?!?" and DL just falls to his knees. I'm not sure if they're happy to come back, but they are definitely surprised.
Tom moves on to talk to Lisa and Gleb. They show a clip of them in the confession booth where Gleb suggests that Lisa sleep with Len to get them better scores, and Lisa says that she will. Then there's like ten minutes of Len reaction shots but we don't get to see what Lisa is doing to provoke those reactions, so I'm going to guess something dirty. Anyway, Lisa and Gleb are also in jeopardy.
Brooke talks to Victor and Andy backstage. They don't have anything interesting to say other than that this is really hard.
Which is a perfect segue into a clip package about how difficult this show is for the celebrities, both physically and emotionally. Here's a hint: it's hard.
Then there's a pre-taped performance from a duo that has got to be from Russia. Right? They're like the new t.A.T.u.? I've actually heard this song but I've never seen this group perform. They are something, that's for sure. Anyway, they're called Icona Pop.
Hey, did you notice that there are new pros this season? And there's also a troupe. Look, I'm not going to bother learning anything about the troupe. The show doesn't bother caring about them, so why should I?
Time for more results. I really think Jacoby was underscored, and I wonder if the judges miss something watching in person, because they don't see all the small touches and personality that Jacoby puts into the routine. Kellie and Derek got high scores and I feel like they were maybe about to make out at the end of their routine? Is she single? And Val and Zendaya whatever. I mean, there wasn't anything interesting in that clip package. To the shock of no one, all three of these couples are safe.
Josh Groban is here to perform. I have a hard time taking this guy seriously after seeing his comic turns on shows like The Office. Like he's just a big goofball. Dmitri and Chelsie dance while he sings and it's nice to see both of them.
Brooke is back to talk to Jacoby, who has the rumba week. He has no idea what the rumba is, obviously, so it's useless. She also talks to Sean about some dumb faux-planking thing they made up and whatever.
Time to hear results for Andy and Sharna as well as Dorothy and Tristan. Let's keep it short and sweet: Dorothy and Tristan are safe (and Dorothy doesn't look too happy so I wonder if her injury is worse than we were told) and Andy and Sharna are in jeopardy.
After a commercial break, it's time to find out who's going home. The three couples in jeopardy are Andy and Sharna, Lisa and Gleb, and Victor and Lindsay. Interesting that it's the three people partnered with new pros; I wonder if Tristan, for example, garnered enough votes to pull Dorothy through. First we will find out that one couple is safe and that the other are, in fact, the bottom two, unless Brooke misspoke. So the safe couple is Andy and Sharna. Aw, they are really happy.
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That means that Victor and Lindsay and Lisa and Gleb are the bottom two. But before we find anything else out, they're bringing Dorothy and Tristan out to announce that Dorothy needs to withdraw from the competition. Her injury is such that continuing in the competition could cause permanent damage. She's very upset and I feel bad for her and I feel bad for Tristan. So Victor and Lisa get a reprieve. Well, that was relatively easy.
Check out what Sharna had to say about Andy Dick in this exclusive from our friends at Wetpaint.
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