And we're back! I told my husband at dinner tonight that a new season was starting tonight. He asked me if there was anyone "good" on it. I said, "Andy Dick? Dorothy Hamill?" Then we both burst out laughing. So there you go.
The new cast is introduced, along with the same old judges and the same old hosts. We'll get to each cast member as they dance, and first up is former American Idol contestant and I guess country singer still Kellie Pickler. She looks a LOT older than she did when I last saw her on Idol. I mean, she can't be more than 30 and she looks like a 50-year-old divorcee from Tampa. Anyway, her rehearsal footage is good and she's partnered with Derek (who must have been given pretty big incentives to return this season since he seemed pretty intent on leaving after last season). Will she be able to pull it off under the spotlights?
They're dancing the cha cha cha. For the first week, she looks great. Her feet are quick, her hips have action, and her shoulders are down. There's something a little weird with her posture and I think her downfall, ironically for a musician, is that she doesn't have a ton of musicality. I feel like she's just counting in her head and doing the 8-counts and not actually feeling and interpreting the music. That may or may not come; we shall see. But good job for the first night out. Judges? Len (who is a newlywed! Go Len!) says that it was fun, even if her legs were a bit stiff. Bruno loved her shapes, but he thinks she needs to work on her legs as well. Carrie Ann thought it was fantastic, but she needs to keep up with Derek. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Maybe a little underscored but it's the first week.
Who's up ? Boxing champ Victor Ortiz, who's partnered with one of the new pros, Lindsay. He's got a tragic backstory; she's a new pro. I think his challenge will be his posture, based on the boxers on the show. They have the foxtrot. Well, he looks like he's having fun out there and his footwork is quick. His posture and arms are terrible, though. He's got serious pancake hands, too. He's not terrible, though. He doesn't screw up any steps. I've seen a lot worse in week one.
Judges? Bruno liked his charm and light-footedness, but he has a lot of work to do on his frame and his arms. Carrie Ann was surprised that his posture wasn't terrible, and he sparkled. Len thinks boxing and dancing do have a lot in common, but thought he could have had a few more wows. I think that's Lindsay's fault more than Victor's. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6. They haven't mentioned if they are keeping the half-points this season.
Tom explains that they are introducing new styles, and sadly for me, one of them is contemporary. I hate contemporary, at least as it's been portrayed on this show, because it kind of seems like running around and then falling on the floor. Not so much dancing. Anyway, the first to have one of these new styles is former General Hospital star Ingo Rademacher. His tenure on the show was after I stopped watching (I was big on the Frisco/Felicia era in the late '80s). Anyway, he's partnered with Kym, lucky dog.
As mentioned, they have contemporary, so they kind of run around and Ingo lifts Kym up and spins her around a lot. He's very athletic and I don't see any super clunky moves, but it's hard to tell how he will do with the more graceful dances from this routine. It's fine. It's just not my bag. Tom asks Carrie Ann for a description of what she's looking for from this type of dance, which would have been nice to hear before we actually saw it, no? She babbles something about how they want lifts and passion, and she saw both of those things. Len is not convinced that Ingo can dance. I'm with Len, as I almost always am. Carrie Ann argues with him about the style of dance. Bruno thought it was good, and Len and Carrie Ann start arguing again. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 7. I have no comments on that because I don't understand how to score that type of dance.
Here's where I admit that I have never watched any full episodes of any of the Real Housewives franchises so I know nothing about Lisa Vanderpump except that she has a spinoff. She's standing on the dance floor holding her stupid little dog and if they incorporate the dog into the dance, I will vote her off immediately. Her partner is also new and I don't like his stupid hair. I kind of hate this couple already. Oh my God, her partner's name is Gleb. I realize that it's not an American name but that sounds like someone just dropped some yogurt on the floor.
They are dancing the foxtrot and thankfully she hands off the dog before they start. Her footwork is good and graceful but her posture slips a few times and her arms are not great. And she has that "lady of a certain age" stiffness about the middle. I'm interested to see how she does with a cha cha or something that requires hip action. Judges? Len thought it was acceptable but not exceptional, and there was too much "staggering about." Bruno thinks she couldn't sustain her posture and jokingly blames the jewels around her neck. Carrie Ann thought it was nice and easy but she was dragged around a little bit. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6. Overscored. I guess they're not doing half points.
D.L. Hughley is someone I've actually heard of, although I didn't know about his past as a gang member. He's paired with Cheryl. I like how he says you have to suspend your ideas of masculinity to be a ballroom dancer; he's acknowledging the cultural trope without getting all, "Ew, I have to be like an icky girl" or worse, something outright homophobic. They have the cha cha cha. Oh, but he's not good. He's really bad, actually. He's crazy stiff through the middle, and his footwork is awful. He looks terrified. He needs to let go and get into it, although I don't know how much he could improve.
Judges? Bruno says he "terminated the cha cha cha" and his timing was way off, and it seemed under-rehearsed. Carrie Ann can't even form a sentence so she just says "yikes" and that he needs to practice a LOT more and come back strong week. Len thought it was rough, and week he has to do the quickstep, so he needs to work his butt off. Poor Cheryl. She tried. I do wonder how many hours he put in. Scores: Carrie Ann 4, Len 4, and Bruno 4. That's about right, even though the audience boos.
It's a Disney chick, and my kids are a little too young for those Disney shows so I don't know her. Her name is Zendaya, and she's partnered with Val. She's only 16, so Val quickly learns to keep it clean with her, even though they have contemporary. She's a skinny little thing. And tall! Their dance is really great. Val did a fantastic job of making it passionate but not totally sexual, and Zendaya just goes for it and throws herself into the routine. She's a little bit gawky at times, like she just shot up a few inches this year and hasn't quite figured out what to do with her arms and legs, but she can probably work through that. I liked it, and as mentioned, I don't love contemporary.
Judges? Carrie Ann thought it was amazing and beautiful, and compliments the choreography. Len tells her that it was great, and he never thought he'd say that in the first week. Bruno thought it was superb and he can't wait to see her do other dances, and he also compliments the choreography. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. Wow.
Sean Lowe was just on The Bachelor, which I haven't watched in many seasons. Trivia: I think I recapped a season of that show. Or part of a season. I don't even know anymore. Anyway, this guy is seriously uptight and that never lends itself well to dancing. He's paired with Peta and they have the foxtrot. I'll say this for him; he tries. He doesn't go out there and act like he doesn't want to be there. His posture is awful in spots and he's got zero musicality but he seems to know the routine, so that puts him a step ahead of D.L. And he's having fun! I like that. But he's not good.
Judges? Len says he liked it, but not a lot, because it lacked finesse and quality of movement. Len wanted it to be smoother. Bruno compliments his pelvic thrust and says he needs to add refinement and finesse. Carrie Ann compliments his "fearless exuberance" and he needs to keep that and he'll go far. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 6.
Whoa, Aly Raisman has got a rack. Those gymnasts usually strap those things down so you don't see that very often. Anyway, she just won an Olympic gold medal, and she's excited to be able to let loose and have fun. She's unfortunately partnered with Mark, who I still can't stand. The are dancing the cha cha cha. Hmm. This routine seems like it was made to disguise something, but I can't figure out what. There wasn't a ton of dancing; there was a lot of Aly shaking her fringe. Is it that she can't do footwork? She has no sense of rhythm? She's gained weight? She seems a bit self-conscious and she needs to throw herself into the dance more. She actually reminded me of Bristol Palin out there, and that's not good. After Shawn Johnson, expectations are high.
Judges? Bruno thought it was sexy but she needs to watch her legs. Carrie Ann says that she sees a lot of potential, but she felt it was a little safe and needs more musicality. Len loved the rhythm and feel of the dance but she needs to make her legs more crisp. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. That's fine; I didn't think it was quite that good but whatever.
I'm kind of excited about Dorothy Hamill if only because A) I know who she is and B) she was kind of my idol when I was little. Also, she's partnered with Tristan, and I lurrrrrve him. She explains how she went through breast cancer and while she was recovering, she watched Kristi Yamaguchi compete, and it inspired her to do the show. She will be dancing contemporary. Good, get all those contemporary dances out of the way. Okay, first of all, I'm distracted by Tristan's outfit. He's wearing a rope for a belt and I guess he's supposed to be some sort of urchin or something? It's weird. Anyway, Dorothy is not quite as graceful as I'd want for a routine that has a lot of ballet elements, and she has that middle-aged stiffness. She gets the routine down, but I don't see a ton of chemistry with Tristan and if freaking Nancy Grace had chemistry with Tristan, anyone can. I'm worried.
Judges? Carrie Ann thought it was beautiful and heartfelt. Len also thought it was beautiful and gentle, despite the unsteady moments. Bruno also thought it was deeply felt, even though there were a few balance issues, so she needs to strengthen her core. Are they just giving her a pass? Because I didn't think it was all that great. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7.
Wynnona Judd will obviously be this season's weight loss story. She talks about how she met the love of her life, Cactus (that's his name) and soon after they were married, he got in an accident and lost his leg. I've seen Wynnona on a few too many Oprah episodes talking about starting over and taking care of herself to be moved by it yet again; let the dancing do the talking. She's partnered with Tony to do the cha cha cha. She's got great musicality and she gets into it, but she's just too big to move much, I guess? She looks like she might have ten pairs of Spanx on as well; that would certainly restrict your movement. I don't see any hip action or much beyond a shoulder shimmy here and there. She doesn't miss a step, but it's a little boring.
Judges? Len thinks she had musicality and personality even if it was a bit careful. Bruno wants her to give more time, now that she's got the first one out of the way. Carrie Ann thinks she showed a lot of sass but now she's got to back that up and really turn it loose. She could be great; she's got the attitude down. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6.
Oh, Andy Dick. So many problems. So much attention needed. He's paired with Sharna, from the troupe. After a week of training, Andy was ready to quit and he was scared of being bad and letting his partner down. They are dancing the foxtrot. Aw, Andy. I involuntarily grinned when he finished the dance without a major mishap. I mean, he's been in the news for being such a dipshit, but he's so earnest when he's sober, which he says he is now. I can't stay mad. I probably should. Anyway, he's not a GREAT dancer, but he does inject some personality into the moves, and he doesn't miss a step, so he's clearly worked hard on this routine. I'm a little nervous for how he'll do on the Latin routines, but this foxtrot was just fine and I'm glad he got it out of the way; maybe it gave him the confidence to do even better time.
Judges? Bruno says it had a skittish charm, and while it could have been smoother, he enjoyed it. Carrie Ann thinks Andy is quite charming and she was touched, but he needs to work on his hand and feet. Len thought the choreography was nice, and there were moments of sophistication, but it lacked fluidity. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 6.
Aaaand, finally, Jacoby Jones. Doesn't it feel like it was ten years ago that Kellie Pickler danced? Anyway, Jacoby Jones plays football for the Ravens, and he just won the Super Bowl. And then he had knee surgery, so he didn't even get to start rehearsing until a week ago. Yikes. Karina, his partner, had better hope he has some natural ability. They're dancing the cha cha cha. Wow. He's got a TON of natural ability and personality to boot. Too bad his posture is awful. For only a week of rehearsal, though, it's good. I mean, the routine was super fun to watch but he might be in trouble when he gets something like the foxtrot or the quickstep because Karina put a lot of club dancing in there and she can't do that with the more formal ballroom routines.
Judges? Carrie Ann loved it and thought it was "a medley of touchdown dances" but he needs posture and technique. Len says there was no technique and it was all performance. Bruno thinks he has a ton of potential but he needs to work on his feet and control his posture. Jacoby is so worn out that he pretends that he can't even walk across the floor, so I guess he needs to work on his stamina as well. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 7.
Okay, the people I'm most excited to see dance again week are Zendaya, Jacoby, and Andy. I have reservations about Aly and Dorothy, but I want them to do well. The rest are going to have to turn it up to interest me. I forgot how fun it can be to see non-All Stars compete, because some of them are really terrible and don't even know it. That's comedy gold. See you week.
Scores:
Zendaya and Val: 24
Kellie and Derek: 21
Aly and Mark: 21
Dorothy and Tristan: 21
Ingo and Kym: 20
Jacoby and Karina: 20
Sean and Peta: 19
Victor and Lindsay: 18
Lisa and Gleb: 18
Wynnona and Tony: 18
Andy and Sharna: 17
D.L. and Cheryl: 12