Based on what we saw last night, tonight we will have the other four individual dances, and the other team dance. So when do we get the results? Will there be another set of scores Monday and then regular results on Tuesday? That's effed up. If you can't tell, I like to know the rules of the game ahead of time.
Tonight's first dance will be performed by Melissa and Tony. Hey, you know what I just realized about the format this week? I don't have to pretend to care about any live performances by musicians or troupe bullshit. So there's that. Melissa's guilty pleasure is "Toxic" by Britney Spears, which Tony is pleased to mention is a tango. Except Melissa's never done a tango, and she has a hard time with the frame and keeping her head up and back. She gets so frustrated that she starts crying in rehearsals. And this is before her big neck injury. Their routine is good but not electrifying. Her frame is a little weird, but that could be due to her neck injury. It's a very unnatural head position under the best of circumstances; with her injury, it's got to be tough. Her legs look great though, and in the second half of the routine, Tony put in a lot of opportunities for her to show them off. I can never remember the difference between the tango and the Argentine tango anyway.
Judges? Len thought it was crisp and sharp, and while she could have snapped her head a little more, he understands that she was injured. Tom makes a sarcastic comment and Len tells him to keep his comments to himself. Bruno thought she was sexy but agrees with Len about her lines. Carrie Ann thinks Melissa has broken out of her All-American Sweetheart role, although she also agrees with the men about Melissa's lines. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. That's fair, although Tony looks surprised and happy.
Shawn's guilty pleasure is "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. I don't really believe in guilty pleasures; if you like something, why feel guilty about it? But even if I did believe in it, how is this song a guilty pleasure? It was a blockbuster hit. Obviously, a lot of people liked it. Anyway, Shawn and Derek have the rumba and Shawn has a lot of trouble letting herself show the emotion needed for the dance. She has a good point; she's been trained her entire life to avoid showing any emotion or letting anyone see her pain or fear, so it's tough to throw that all away. So for their routine, they kind of re-enact Titanic, which might not be the most creative decision, but it's incredibly effective. They're dancing on a black platform with dry ice all over to look like the water. At one point, Shawn tries to leap "overboard" and Derek catches her, and at the end, Derek rolls off the platform into the "water" and completely disappears. I thought Shawn did a great job with the emotion of the dance; it wasn't as sexy as some rumbas in the past, but it was romantic, definitely, and she didn't sacrifice technique to show that emotion. Great job. The audience goes apeshit.
Judges? Bruno loved the shapes and the emotion, and he's never seen Shawn so emotionally connected. Carrie Ann feels like a proud mom, having seen how much Shawn has grown, but she calls them out on the lift. I'm like, "What lift?" When Shawn ran and jumped off the platform and Derek caught her, I guess that was technically a lift, since she wouldn't have been able to do that under her own power. Well, she could have, but she would have gone flying off the platform. Tom cracks that Carrie Ann is playing the part of the iceberg tonight. That Tom. So quick. Len claims that there was no hip action and both Bruno and Carrie Ann protest and they can't believe what Len is saying. I think Len is crazy too. I definitely saw hip action. I normally agree with Len on technique stuff, but I think he's wrong here. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 10. I don't know that it deserved perfect 10s, but an 8? Seriously?
Apolo and Karina will be doing the samba, and they are making the choreography really difficult, hoping it's their comeback week. So their routine is fast with a lot of content, including some difficult samba rolls, but I don't see much samba bounce. It's almost like it's too fast to include the bounce. Emmitt's samba was better.
Judges? Carrie Ann thought his legwork was great and he used the floor well, but they still haven't had their breakthrough dance. I totally agree. Len thought it was terrific, and the audience agrees, although he didn't love all the thrusting. Well, the song is called "Give It To Me Baby" so, thrusting there shall be. Bruno thought he was really sexy and his timing and rhythm were spot on. Scores: Carrie Ann 8.5, Len 9.5, and Bruno 9. The judges can't get it together tonight. Someone more conspiracy-oriented might suggest that the judges are trying to keep their scores equal so the audience votes will decide.
Here's a shocker: Sabrina's guilty pleasure is about being a Disney princess. Anyway, she's doing a waltz but she struggles with being soft and vulnerable instead of fast and fierce. Just once, I would love to see a roll-in package where the star was like, "Yeah, I picked this routine up really quickly and it's like second nature." Anyway, they have a whole Cinderella thing going on, but instead of seeming in love, Sabrina seems like she's in a daze. She's got a grin pasted to her face like a pageant queen and her expression doesn't really change. I can't fault her technique, although it wasn't as good as some of her past routines, but I didn't get a romantic vibe. It was like what a five-year-old girl would think people in love probably look like.
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Judges? Len thought it was charming. Bruno thought it was a magic ride and he loved all the faces. Really? Maybe the cameras just didn't focus on her face enough. Carrie Ann doesn't think she quite got to vulnerable. Agreed. Carrie Ann adds that it was light, airy, and elegant and she didn't need the vulnerability. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 9.5, and Bruno 9.5. Wow, I was not feeling that one at all.
I am really not looking forward to this Gangnam style group dance. Maybe they will surprise me. In rehearsals, Gilles takes charge because he chose the team, but as they start getting into actual choreography and decision-making, Maks takes over and the two kind of butt heads, which I find interesting. Gilles backs down, but you can tell he's a little annoyed. I guess Peta has been letting him run the show. The first rehearsal is a disaster, but things pick up with their second rehearsal, it seems. Their mission is to have fun, since they know they can't compete on lifts and tricks. Plus, they have Kirstie, who's like an anchor weighing them down, let's be honest.
I don't even know what to say about this routine. It was fascinating. I couldn't take my eyes off them. And I don't know what the fudge just happened. I mean, I've seen the video. I kept wondering about the old people who mostly make up the viewership of this show, and how they must be SO CONFUSED as to what's going on, unless they saw Psy on Ellen or something. Anyway, they start out all wearing suits, glasses, and wigs to look like Psy. Then, each couple tears off their suits and does a solo. Maks and Kirstie's solo is dumb, but at least it's not too offensive. Emmitt and Cheryl's features the most actual dancing. Kelly and Val just grind on each other. And then Gilles comes out with a very small towel around his waist and I don't know. I got lost there for a little bit. I didn't see any huge mistakes, even if it wasn't technically as difficult as the other team's dance. Like I said, it was entertaining and watching a nearly naked Gilles grind and thrust wasn't terrible.
Judges? Len calls it the greatest number ever, even if it wasn't together. Bruno asks for Gilles's towel and he unsnaps it and hands it over, revealing his boxer briefs beneath. Carrie Ann calls them a hot mess that somehow turned into crazy fun insanity. It appears that, without his towel, Gilles is somewhat exposed since he tries to run up with Peta in front of him and then ditches her and runs up the stairs, and hides behind Brooke. And then Brooke tries to ask serious questions but everyone is just like, "WTF? Are you really asking questions?" Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. Brooke has completely lost control of the skybox.
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Looking at the total scores, I can't believe that Kristie is ahead of Kelly. I guess they will add Monday's score and create some giant total score? I don't know why I care. Here's your leaderboard:
Sabrina and Louis: 29 + 29.5 = 58.5
Melissa and Tony: 27 + 29.5 = 56.5
Shawn and Derek: 27 + 29.5 = 56.5
Apolo and Karina: 27 + 29.5 = 56.5
Gilles and Peta: 29.5 + 27 = 56.5
Emmitt and Cheryl: 29 + 27 = 56
Kirstie and Maks: 25.5 + 27 = 52.5
Kelly and Val: 24.5 + 27 = 51.5
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