It's the finale! And it's two hours! Which means a lot of filler and three more dances that won't mean anything or even affect the outcome and after 118 minutes, the winner will be crowned. So let's get to it.
I love how these opening clip packages treat the show so seriously, like it's the like, "Who cares, it's not like this matters?", the viewers would be like, "Hey, you're right." And change the channel.
All of the pros who aren't in the finals come out for a group dance, and I have to say that I'm impressed with Maks's contemporary dancing. He's pretty good! I never thought he was that great at anything but Latin/ballroom stuff. The useless troupe is there also. And then all of the eliminated contestants get to do a little Soul Train style run down the floor (and prove why they were eliminated in the first place) and finally, the finalists show up on the stage for one last pose.
Tom sets up the stakes for each one: William has the charisma, Katherine has the technical gifts, and Donald is the hard worker. So let's look back twenty-four hours to what happened last night in case you developed short-term amnesia and forgot already. Are there a ton of people watching this finale that didn't watch last night, really? I guess they have to do this though. They do have two hours to fill. Ooh, Cheryl seems a little peeved with Len for the 9 when everyone else gave them 10s. She tries to make it out like she's joking around, but there was an undercurrent of annoyed. Watching Katherine's freestyle again, I still can't believe that they got a perfect score. Those transitions in and out of lifts were terrible. Carrie Ann was so thrilled with Donald's freestyle that she climbed up on the desk and cheered. And when you watch his and Peta's lifts versus Mark and Katherine's - I just can't see how those two routines got the same scores.
Of course, Len wants to see Donald and Peta's freestyle again. Woo, it's a lot sloppier than last night. Glad they did it better when it counted. And Donald is doing a ton of spins and not spotting them at all; I don't know how he doesn't just fall over at the end of the dance.
Clip package with the judges talking about the finalists. They note that William gets a huge reaction from the crowd, and his dancing isn't bad either, although Len says that he needs to recover from his mistakes better. Katherine is technically fantastic, but they don't know if she can handle the pressure. Donald has fan support and passion, but Len thinks he needs some refinement. And then Len compares this battle to Gettysburg and Bunker Hill. That's... almost distasteful, right? Because this isn't life or death. I guess that's why they chose battles from a long time ago so the families of those killed wouldn't be upset.
Tom introduces each of the finalists while super dramatic music plays in the background. Man, I know this show is cheesy but this is over the top, even for this show.
You know what I didn't miss? Sherri Shepard's ridiculous over-the-top "comedy". Anyway, she's back to do a cha cha with Val and a bunch of other guys At one point, Maks and Tony come down from the ceiling on wires, flapping their arms. Okay, that cracked me up. And Sherri looked like she was having the time of her life. I still don't like her, but I can appreciate her joy and delight with the routine, and best of all, it was pretty short.
Clip packages reviewing the first few weeks of the show. Remember when Jaleel White cried about Mickey Mouse or something? He's got emotional problems. And Martina and Jack Wagner were eliminated.
Oh, did I mention that the finalists have to do one more dance tonight? They got the music twenty-four hours ago. Brooke goes back to the practice space to talk to them as they rehearse. Because that's not annoying.
Martina is back to dance with Tony. As far as first-eliminated contestants go, she's not the worst I've seen. She at least as good as Kate Gosselin, who lasted many weeks in her season. In some seasons, Martina would have lasted three or four weeks, easily. And then Jack and Anna are back and Jack is doing a ton of hip thrusts with his floppy skater hair. Dude. You're like 50. It's time for a big boy haircut. He still hasn't learned how to control his movements, though.
Clip package of funny/memorable things that people said. Turns out they weren't that memorable because I didn't bother writing any of them down.
Gavin and Karina have returned to do their weirdo canoe dance. I never understand why people do the dance that got them eliminated. Although this one has been changed to add in some other female dancers, which means that Gavin has to do a lot less actual dancing. Gavin has loosened up a lot. He's still not good, but at least he looks like he's having some fun out there.
Brooke is backstage to check in with Katherine and Mark, who will be doing the jive. They think they're going to do just fine, you'll be glad to hear.
Clip package looking back at Rock Week, Latin Night, and Motown Night. Why did Rock get a whole week while Latin and Motown only got one night? Racist. Anyway, Gladys and Tristan are back to dance again. I love to watch Gladys dance. I knew she wasn't going to win but she is just a joy out there. And Tristan's not so bad either.
Dumb clip package about Jaleel White rehearsing for his final dance. No one cares. He's dancing to the Theme from Shaft. There are so many people on the dance floor that Jaleel barely had to dance. And I hate that Jaleel thinks he's so awesome. I will say that he does a good job matching the pro male dancers that are with them, but then he botches the lift and he and Kym are cracking up. At least he can laugh at himself.
Brooke is backstage to talk to Donald and Peta. They plan to get out there and have fun. Glad we had this time together.
Melissa is back to dance with Maks and Val in what I think was her best dance of the season. I'm glad she's doing this one again instead of some of the others. She really does need to work on that fishlip problem, though.
Roshon is also back, and he's going to do a freestyle instead of redoing one of his routine from the season. I think that's a good idea. Hey, you know what I learned from that freestyle? Roshon isn't that great of a hip-hop dancer. He's really good at popping and locking, but when it came to dancing side-by-side with Chelsie and trying to stay in sync - it wasn't great. Maybe I've just been watching too much America's Best Dance Crew, but it didn't do it for me.
Kelly Clarkson is here to perform a mix of her new single and "Stronger." Love her. Saw her in concert earlier this year and she's amazing. And I'll be recapping her new show, "Duets," which starts on Thursday! Tristan and Anna and Tony and Kym come out and dance while she sings. When Kelly starts singing "Stronger," I get goosebumps. I'm an old married lady, but if I was a single chick who just got screwed over by some loser, this would be my theme song. Everyone is fist pumping and the troupe members are out on the dance floor. They cut up to the backstage area and all of the eliminated contestants are fist pumping too. It's just a great song.
Clip package looking back at the last few weeks of the competition, which leads into Derek and Maria's tango. I'm curious if it will seem smoother now that they've each had some time to heal from their injuries. I kind of would have liked to see their jive again, but this is fine. It's actually about the same as last time for me. Maria sometimes lacks grace and they don't have the intensity they had during the season when it was all on the line. They got eliminated at the right time.
season is All-Stars. I am reserving judgment until they announce the cast, because it could be really awesome or it could be really terrible. I would love to see, for example, Gilles go up against Jennifer Grey or Kristi Yamaguchi. But I don't want to see Kate Gosselin or Bristol Palin or anyone terrible like that.
Finally, some actual dancing by someone who's still in the competition. William and Cheryl are up first. In the roll-in package, William and Cheryl head into rehearsals right after last night's show to work on their final routine. There's a lot of "last day of summer camp" hugs involved.
And they are doing the salsa and William is repurposing his white pants, because he's no dummy. Even if he doesn't win this, people are watching, including casting directors. Anyway, William seems more joyful during this routine than I've ever seen him, and it's technically pretty good. He does stick his butt out a little too much, but he's right on the beat the whole time. Does it even matter what the judges say? Len has always been a fan of William, Bruno thinks no one does salsa better than William, and Carrie Ann thinks William has true star quality. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 10, and Bruno 10. Are they really surprised? Unless someone really screws up, they're all going to get perfect scores at this point.
Katherine and Mark will dance . During rehearsals, Katherine starts crying because she can't believe it's almost over. Anyway, they're dancing the jive. I don't know why they didn't pick something to better showcase Katherine; I don't feel like the jive is her best dance. Mark starts out going a thousand miles per hour and doesn't slow down. He's got to be on something, right? Like energy drinks? Anyway, Katherine looks great and does a great job but it's all kind of boring to me and I'm distracted by Marks' focus-pulling. He's gotten better about that this season, but it all came back tonight. All three of the judges talk about how great Katherine is and Len does everything but crown her the winner. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 10, and Bruno 10.
Donald and Peta will be the last ones to dance tonight. Like the other two couples, they are sad to be ending their partnership. They are dancing the cha cha cha. Donald has such quick feet and this routine finally showcased them in a way I don't think they've been showcased yet this season. Technically, it wasn't perfect, but he was working it. Carrie Ann loves Donald's determination and she thinks he's the one to beat, Len thinks all three finalists are absolute winners and Donald is the best football player they've had (Emmitt Smith's in the audience), and Bruno thinks Donald showed improvement every week and peaked at the right time. I would agree with that. Katherine got boring because she was great in the second week and never got better, even though she's better technically than anyone else. There was nowhere to go. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 10, and Bruno 10.
Interesting that they didn't narrow it down to a final two this season. I think it's because the final three were so evenly matched that any of them could win (in the public's perception). It's not like other seasons where there was on clunker that you were pretty sure couldn't win, and that person got dumped in the first hour. Really, any of them could take this.
Gladys gets to sing! She'll be singing "The Way We Were." It takes balls to cover a Barbra Streisand song, but I think Gladys can do it. As she sings, the three finalists stand on stage and highlights from the season are projected on the screens behind them. Katherine is sobbing. Donald is grooving to the song. William looks confused and then teary-eyed. I love how much Donald is into this performance. And Gladys is, no surprise, great.
Finally, some results. We're going to find out the third place couple. And that couple is... William and Cheryl. Cheryl seemed pretty sure that it was her. Aw, William's son is crying. It's okay, little boy. Daddy's white pants will earn him many jobs to come. Tom rolls the clip package of their journey and they're out.
And finally, the moment we've all been waiting for. Well, maybe not waiting for. Feeling a weird responsibility to watch since we've committed so much time to watching this entire season? That may just be me. And the winner is...Donald and Peta. Donald starts rolling around on the floor and then gives Peta a huge bear hug. I feel bad for Katherine but Donald obviously wanted this so badly and he's been a fan of the show for so long. And it's nice to see a new pro get a trophy, although I still maintain that Donald could have been even better with a different pro. I guess the question is, "Better how?" since he won. Katherine and Mark are extremely gracious in their loss, and I think everyone just loved Donald as a person. They get the trophy, the streamers go off, and Donald's family joins him on the floor along with all of the pros and eliminated contestants. Oh, Donald is holding his baby girl (I assume) who is SOBBING because she's probably terrified by all the noise. Poor thing. She's adorable, though. They should have gotten her some of those noise-canceling headphones like Drew Brees's son wore after the Superbowl. See you in the fall for All-Stars!