And it's time for some results! Or at least the show about the results. We won't know any actual results for another fifty-eight minutes or so. The ladies of the show are going to dance to "I Am Woman." Not the Helen Reddy song. I was kind of wondering about that. Anyway, they're all there: Kym, Anna, Cheryl, Lacey, Peta, Karina, and the troupe ladies. That one troupe lady really needs shorter hair extensions. She looks like a witch. But it's nice to see dancers like Kym and Anna doing a more contemporary dance. It seems like those always go to Lacey or Chelsie. Anna, in particular, is really getting her Beyonce on. Love it.
And now, backstage footage! Rob earned a smack on the bum from Bruno before he started his instant dance. Bruno! Hands to yourself! It makes me kind of sad when, in their confessional, Rob wonders if they'll make the finals and Cheryl says that she hasn't made it this far in years. Cheryl! She's awesome! She did get fourth place with Ochocinco, which was only three seasons ago, but the last time she made it to the finals was with Gilles five seasons ago. That's got to sting, though, after winning her first two seasons on the show.
After Hope and Maks did their quickstep, Carrie Ann hugged Hope and, when the dancers left, Len joked that he should have hugged Maks. The other judges think that would have been HILARIOUS. And then after their jive, which Len raved about, Maks does give him a kiss on the cheek. Once the dancers leave, Carrie Ann basically asks Len if he's on crack (I felt the same way!) and Len says he doesn't care about their hands or whatever, because they went full on and it was brilliant.
JR and Karina knew immediately that their waltz was awesome, probably because the audience was so into it, and then they got a perfect score. And their instant jive was really amazing. I mean, it was great. Sometimes I get caught up in the emotion of the moment and then watch it back and think it wasn't that great. But this was really, really great. They earned those perfect scores.
I didn't mention the fake DanceCenter commercial they did last night (in the style of ESPN's iconic SportsCenter commercials), because it wasn't that great, but this one is pretty good. Kenny, Jerry, and Len come up to Tristan one-by-one and contrive to make Tristan say the word "third," which he pronounces "turd." Tristan walks away in disgust, and Len REALLY cracks up. Either he loves potty humor or he's a great actor.
Results for the first three couples: JR and Karina and Hope and Maks are safe and will be in the semifinals. Rob and Cheryl are in jeopardy. Didn't really expect that one. Just goes to know that you never know. And here I am with my newfound sympathy for Cheryl.
DanceCenter. It's tough to recap these segments because it's kind of joke-joke-joke that is hard to translate to the written word. Here are some of my favorite parts though. Kenny says that Derek is a lot like Mark Ballas except blond and not nearly as creepy. And then they cut together a segment to make it look like Ricki only talks about losing weight and having sex, which might not be entirely inaccurate. Then they make a joke that JR might be gay because he loves musical theatre. Come on, show. That's beneath you. Kenny keeps saying that JR is a hero and I guess they had to go to the gay joke because there is nothing bad you can say about the guy. Kenny says that Rob has lasted longer on the show than Kim's marriage. I wondered when they would go there. They also make fun of Rob talking all the time about how he went to USC. Glad someone finally noticed that.
Brooke is backstage with Ricki and Derek and Nancy and Tristan. Ricky says she's grateful to still be there and wants to continue. Derek lightens things up by joking about the sexy DanceCenter segment. Nancy was happy with her tango, if not her jive. Wow, that was a useful segment.
Andre Bocelli is on hand to perform. The troupe comes out and dances. Seriously, the one really tall guy is terrible. He's always out of sync and he's just not a great dancer. Why is he on the show again?
More DanceCenter. They show some of Nancy's "cheerleading" skills. Was she a cheerleader in 1978? That is the oldest cheer ever. It sounds like a disco song turned into a cheer. They show footage of Hope's nude photo shoot for ESPN: The Magazine and then Len does a parody of it. No, thank you. Then they address when Maks said it's his show, and show the credits from that night, where they have changed everything to say that Maks was the producer, the host, etc. It's kind of funny. I enjoyed this season's segment more than the past few seasons. But I feel like they really used to go for the jugular, roast-style, and they don't anymore.
It's a Cirque du Soleil Michael Jackson dance tribute! Cirque du Soleil kind of creeps me out. How sad is Mark Ballas that he doesn't get to dance in this tribute? It's so his thing. He could wear his spats and his guyliner and get down. I do always enjoy seeing people dance like Michael Jackson, though. This is making me want to watch This Is It more than anything. Because these dancers are good, but they are not Michael. There was only one, and say what you will about his personal life, he was an amazing dancer.
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Flo Rida is on hand to sing "Club Can't Handle Me." My boys and I had a toddler dance party to this song last week. It's a great dance song. We also danced to "Fly Like a G6." I feel it's important for my children to have an appreciation for the classics and my husband only plays them classical music and The Beatles. Someone's got to take charge.
Backstage footage! Right before their dance, Nancy was worried about beating all the nines that the judges had given out. Maybe try dancing well? Tristan tried like hell to get Nancy on the beat during their jive, and she begged the judges to give her good scores. They didn't. Her kids are cute, though. Derek really talked Ricki through their whole jive, which I understand, since it was the instant dance. And then Ricki had a little breakdown backstage and said she was really tired and didn't have what it takes to make it through. Ricki, take a nap and put your big girl panties on and suck it up.
So who's in the semifinals and who's in jeopardy? Ricki and Derek have made it through, obviously. And Nancy and Tristan are in jeopardy, also obviously.
And it's time for the final results. The couples in jeopardy are Rob and Cheryl and Nancy and Tristan. I have to believe that Nancy is going home; if it were Hope up there, I might believe she was going home instead, but maybe Rob is suffering from Kardashian backlash? I don't see anyone else for the younger viewers to rally behind. Brooke says carefully that this is not necessarily the bottom two, so if Rob is staying, it's odd that they put him here. Unless they didn't want Maks to have another tantrum. So who's going home? Nancy and Tristan. She looked ready to go. Cheryl looks TERRIFIED, though. And you know what? I really hated Nancy when the show started, but I don't think she's a monster anymore. She's annoying and irresponsible as a journalist, but I saw the human side of her through this. She thanks Tristan and gives him all the credit. Aw, Tristan. I'm sure he'll be back. See you week for the semi-finals! Not you, Nancy. The people reading this who aren't Nancy.
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