It's a salute to Broadway! And everyone will be doing two dances, presumably one solo and one group number. So before the introductions, we have a number from the musical version of Sister Act. It's very loud and everyone is wearing sequins.
First up this week is Rob Kardashian. Last week, he impressed with his manly rumba. Well, some people were impressed anyway, including the judges. This week, Cheryl and Rob have the cha cha cha, and they're dancing to "Walk Like a Man" from Jersey Boys. Rob's mother (momager?) visits during rehearsals to talk about how proud she is. His mom is talking about he was a boy but he's becoming a man. Isn't he a college graduate? Shouldn't he have already been a man? It's not like he was turning 18. Anyway, she tells him to "kick some ass." Always klassy, those Kardashians.
Well, their cha cha is entertaining and for the most part, the technique is good. I didn't see a TON of cha cha, but there was a bit of it. I would like more, but I'm a traditionalist like Len. Rob does a good job of keeping up the fun and performing instead of being in his head, and Cheryl did a great job with the choreography. And it's a fun song, which always helps. I did notice a lot of pancake hands from Rob, but not every time, which means that he does know better but forgets sometimes. The crowd goes nuts for him, including his dumb sisters who are super loud and screechy.
Judges? Len says that it was clean and precise, but he didn't feel like it showed rhythm and was too stiff. Bruno demonstrates how he wanted Rob to take charge and nearly clocks Len in the head. Carrie Ann doesn't think the dancing was as good as last week, but felt the charisma was better, and then she mangles an analogy about Rob being an adolescent but not in college, but he graduated, so he's going for his Master's. I don't know. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 7.
Nancy and Tristan will be performing to a song from "Spamalot." Do you think Nancy Grace actually watches Monty Python? I imagine her watching it, wrinkling her nose, turning to Tristan and saying, "Is this funny? I don't get it." And Tristan just rolls his eyes and offers her more popcorn. Anyway, Carrie Ann told Nancy last week that her dancing was drab, and Nancy wonders if she's supposed to put on a bikini and shake her booty. Yes, that it the only way to make your dancing more fun, Nancy. Wear a bikini. You idiot. Anyway, Nancy asked Tristan to make the choreography more dramatic and difficult, so he does, and then she confronts him and says that she thinks he's purposely making it so hard that she will fuck up, and then he can shrug his shoulders and say, "Well, that's what she wanted." Okay. Let's parse this. She thinks that he is doing WHAT SHE ASKED in order to make her SCREW UP. My husband is sitting to me, barely watching, and he just turned to me and made the "finger circling the temple" sign for crazy. Because she is CRAZY! And paranoid. And has a persecution complex. Everything about her kind of makes sense now that I know that. I always thought she was just mean, but she's also crazy.
So how's the dance? Well, it starts out pretty boring, but when they get to the middle, Nancy actually performs with facial expressions and playing to the audience and it's the most joyful I've ever seen her. She totally screws up the ending though. She misses a step and then I think she's supposed to click her heels but it's like something my toddler would do. Oops. But that middle segment was actually really good.
Judges? Bruno thought they captured the feel of the musical but also did a foxtrot. Carrie Ann thinks that she upped the ante on her content and nailed it. Nancy wipes away tears. Len thought that much more personality came out than usual, and he loved that, although the sections in hold weren't as good. He's right, though. Those were the most boring times. The judges argue amongst themselves and Tom escorts Nancy and Tristan off stage. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 7, Bruno 8. Wow. Carrie Ann got a little carried away.
David Arquette got great marks for his tango last week, which was a punk version. Kym wants to keep the momentum going, and they're dancing to "We Go Together" from Grease. David Arquette has a philosophy of jazz hands. Of course he does. He also likes the quickstep because it's joyful, like his personality. But he struggles to keep his energy controlled instead of chaotic.
And he continues to struggle with that through this dance. He gets all the steps but he's just a LITTLE ahead of the beat the whole time and you can see Kym trying to wrestle him into submission. And this dance is supposed to be fun and joyful, not a struggle. He has little flashes of brilliance - his Danny Zuko moves are adorable and he sails smoothly across the floor in hold - but overall, it left me feeling anxious.
Judges? Carrie Ann points out that a song from Grease is tough to live up to, because it's iconic, and David did great. Carrie Ann noticed the push and pull, but thought he was fluid at times. Len thought it was rough around the edges, but high energy and enthusiastic. Bruno thinks that David is too charged up but his energy was great. I couldn't figure out why David looked so handsome and movie star-ish this week; he shaved his stupid goatee. What a difference. I have never thought he was handsome before, but he looks great. Don't grow that back, dude. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8.
Ricki had a rough week last week, mostly due to her mistimed Roger Rabbit. Derek needs to take a lesson from David Arquette and lose the facial hair. Why do these handsome men feel the need to cover their faces in stupid facial hair? I love a good beard and all, but Derek's is patchy and kind of gross. Anyway, Ricki loves Broadway music and is excited to dance to it, but she struggles with the stamina required for the quickstep. Throughout rehearsals, she just keeps saying that she's tired and exhausted, and Derek admits that he's pushing her harder because she does better that way.
They are dancing to "Luck Be a Lady" from Guys and Dolls. I think Derek is auditioning for a role in a revival of this show because he is going ALL OUT. And as a result, Ricki looks a little tired and behind the beat. I think she fumbled the footwork a few times too, but her face didn't show it, and she recovered quickly. Here's the thing about these routines that I've learned: you have to keep your eyes on the star, not the pro. Because the pro will always look great, and they know how to choreograph to pull focus. Watch the star's feet and arms, and that's how you know who's doing well and who's not. In this case, Ricki did okay, but it was a lot of dancing and she couldn't keep up. Some sequences looked great, but others, not so much.
Judges? Len says that Ricki proved her talent with this number, and while he has a few finicky complaints, he loved it. Bruno thought she had great showmanship and she interpreted the music beautifully. Carrie Ann thought it was exciting to watch and sharp and sophisticated. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 9, and Bruno 10. Way too high. I can live with a 9, but not a 10. It was all Derek's choreography, and Ricki seems to realize that.
Chaz got better notices from the judges last week, and he's hoping to keep up his momentum and turn things around. They will be doing the tango this week to a song from Phantom of the Opera. Lacey seems really frustrated with Chaz in rehearsals, and she explains that she can't give him super basic choreography and let him fill it up with his personality any more. Lacey lectures him that he needs to memorize the movements and she can't do that for him, and she can't continue to talk him through the routines. Wow, Lacey just admitted that he's pretty much sucked so far and she's dragged him through it. I wonder how much they've been rehearsing compared to the others. Len hasn't yelled at Chaz for lack of studio time, so that's something.
You guys. Chaz is dressed up like the Phantom. With the half mask and all. And, I just watched the whole routine and I don't even know how to describe that. I mean, it was a tango, nominally. There were a few kicks and stuff. It was mostly Chaz walking around in time to the music? It was really boring. And weird, but that's because I think Phantom is pretty weird. I don't even know. I'm just going to move on to the judges' thoughts.
Bruno says that, all bad dancing aside, this role didn't fit Chaz's personality, and so the whole routine was off. Agreed. Carrie Ann agrees with Bruno a bit, but she liked how aggressive Chaz was. She does think that the choreography needs to be more difficult, though, and she knows Lacey agrees. Len thinks that Chaz got through the routine (that's a pretty low bar) and trying hard. However, there was zero technique. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 6. That seems fair, but Lacey and Chaz seem PISSED. Did you see what happened out there? Chaz seriously looks like he's about to murder someone.
Last week, Hope thought about quitting because she couldn't take the judges' criticism, but later she realizes that she's really just disappointed in herself for always getting the same scores. She feels like she's not improving. This week, Maks brought in the three female troupe dancers to help Hope with her rumba moves. See! How long have I been saying that! And they really help! But then the day, Hope regresses and Maks tells her that everyone else have given up on her except him. That's borderline abusive. Shut up, Maks.
They are doing a rumba to "Seasons of Love" from Rent. The beginning is actually really sexy. Hope looks great. When they get out on the floor and into the actual routine, she kind of loses it. I think part of the problem is that she's wearing boots (because she's dressed like a '90s street urchin) and they don't make the hip action as easy as heels would. She's flat footed. And sometimes her "sexy" moves just look like she's cold. Overall, it's better than I expected given their lack of chemistry, though.
Judges? Carrie Ann thought that Hope was trusting her natural sexiness for the first time, but sometimes she forced the moves a little. Len says he's never lost faith in her, no matter what Maks says. Len also blames the boots for her bad footwork, and then blurts out that it's her worst dance of the whole season. Hope is shocked, and I think Len's totally wrong. Len yells that he's been in the business for a long time and Maks snarks, "Maybe it's time to get out." Carrie Ann tells Maks not to be disrespectful and Maks says that the judges are too judgmental. Oh, fuck off, Maks. You might have just gotten Hope eliminated. No one likes it when people talk back to the judges like that. Maks claims he's just protecting his partner and they finally move on to Bruno, who tells Hope that she did a great job telling the story, but there were problems with technique. Backstage, Hope says that she was too intense at first, and this was the first time she was able to loosen up. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 7. Maks gives a little speech about how this is his show and he helped make it what it is and he loves it. Behind him, Derek pulls a face like, "Oh REALLY???" Maks adds that he's tired of some people being judged on effort and some on heel leads. You know, he's right that Hope was underscored. There is NO WAY she was as bad as Chaz. But after he called it his show, no one will call in and vote for him except the Maks fangirls. It's just a mess, and I doubt the producers are very happy. Now that they have Derek back, Maks had better watch his ass.
Last week, JR and Karina got their first 10. This week, they have the quickstep, the same as Derek and Ricki. Karina tells him that this is the most ambitious routine she's ever done on the show, but she has faith in JR. So he vows to push himself and make it happen.
I so love the quickstep and there hasn't been a good one on this show in a while. And this is a good one. It's very '20s flapper vibe, and JR is right on with the footwork. My one complaint, and it's a minor one, is that when they were in hold, he didn't put enough oomph into it. He ran down the floor, which is what the dance is about, but I wanted something more. And I still think Karina's choreography leaves something to be desired. I would love to see JR do one of Cheryl's routines. But it was really well-executed; at least as good as Ricki and Derek's, if not better.
Judges? Len says that Helio is in the audience, and he danced a great quickstep in his day, but JR's was as good. Bruno thinks it was A HIT!!!! Carrie Ann thinks that Bob Fosse would have been proud. Must be short on time after Maks's outburst. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 9, and Bruno 10. I'll buy that.
To give the couples time to prepare for the group dance, we get a performance from Kristin Chenoweth. Because she's a professional, she can dance and sing at the same time, as she performs "Maybe This Time" with a troupe of male dancers. I think Kristin Chenoweth is beautiful and funny, but something about her face creeps me out. As she ages, she's starting to look like a muppet or something. She finishes that song and the troupe (plus Tony, Maks, and Val and probably Peta) come out to dance to "I Could Have Danced All Night". And holy shit, Cheno hits a note at the end of the song that is amazing. Take that, Mariah Carey.
So how were rehearsals for the group dance? They brought back Carson Kressley and people were thrilled to see him. Some of the dancers (Rob, David) struggled with learning in a group setting, and the group enjoyed getting to hang out together. Ricki was worried about doing lifts because she's heavier than the pro dancers and Derek has a shoulder injury, but Derek showed that he could still easily lift her. Many of the stars are also worried about dancing to pros, which seems reasonable.
The first half of the group dance is very enjoyable, done to "Hey Big Spender." As you would imagine, the gents are johns and the ladies are whores. Or dancers. Or whatever. But everyone seems to be having a ton of fun. Although I think it would have been more fun to reverse the gender roles. Then they do "Money Makes the World Go 'Round" and each couple gets a solo. Chaz and Lacey wisely skip a lift and still make it cute, but Derek and Ricki do an incredibly awkward lift right after, and they're lucky this isn't being scored. When they go back to dancing as a group, Chaz is totally the awkward kid you stick in the back row in the high school musical. I'm sad that Hope will probably go home tomorrow, because it really should be Chaz.
What did the judges think? Len thought it was a fitting tribute to Broadway and he points out Ricki and Rob (really?) in their individual sections. Bruno thinks they're all motivated by money, and Carrie Ann thought Nancy was very brave. I notice that Nancy has a modesty panel on her cleavage this week so she doesn't have a nip slip. Smart.
So that's it! Who's going home? Probably Hope or Chaz, I would guess. Some people might vote for Hope and Maks, because they feel bad for her, but she hasn't exactly hidden her bitchface for much of the season, so I don't know. It should be Chaz, though. Your scores:
Ricki and Derek: 29
JR and Karina: 29
Nancy and Tristan: 24
David and Kym: 23
Rob and Cheryl: 22
Chaz and Lacey: 19
Hope and Maks: 19