Did you guys see that Nancy Grace denied that she had a nip slip last night? I mean, flat out said that there was nothing hanging out of her dress. Okay, look. I was kind of glossing over it last night because I felt bad, even though it was NANCY GRACE, but come on. I rewound and paused and that was a nipple. I'm no dummy. Does she not understand that we live in the age of DVRs and screen caps and high definition? I think I saw five screen caps of her business posted before midnight last night. I don't get why she would deny it. Unless she just wanted the publicity? But she seemed honestly humiliated. I have officially spent too much time thinking about this so I'm going to move on, because it's not like the show will address it one way or the other.
The opening number is male pros dancing to "Are You Gonna Go My Way" by Lenny Kravitz. They split up into groups: Maks, Tony and random troupe member dance first, then Mark and Derek, then Val, Tristan and other random troupe member. The troupe member with Maks and Tony is so clearly inferior to those two, in both dance moves and charisma. If they want to light a fire under the existing pros and make them fear for their jobs, they need to recruit better understudies. This guy can't hold a candle to the existing pros. Derek and Mark, of course, do a more contemporary routine and Mark shouldn't dance to Derek because he may be a better dancer but Derek has loads more charisma. They end by huddling around Carrie Ann and whatever. I think there are some attractive guys on this show but that routine left me cold for some reason. Too muddled.
Let's see some results. David Arquette was apparently staring at Kym's boobs instead of rehearsing right before his number, which might explain his manic energy. Carson was worried that their scores were 666. Anna seemed more worried that they might be going home. So are these guys safe or in jeopardy? Carson and Anna are safe, but David and Kym are in jeopardy.
Time for the encore performance, which they actually did in the pre-show last week. This week, Ricki and Derek get to dance on the results show proper. Watching this routine again, I still don't see much jive in there. Lots of groins rubbing, and look, I'm not against that. But I want more jive in my jive. Ricki also needs to work on her posture. She can fudge it a little in a jive, but when she gets to more ballroom, she'll get dinged for that, probably.
Then there's a parody of MTV's Cribs, showing off the rehearsal space. Ricki and Derek journey through Studio 1, which everyone wants because it's the exact dimensions of the performance area. It's also where Tony quit and Kym got dumped on her head. Kristin shows off the kitchen (where there's a medical kit with Jennifer Grey's name on it, ha ha), and Chynna shows the spray tanning area (and "catches" Tony in his underwear). Carson tours the costume area, and I could seriously watch an entire show of just him vamping with various costumes. Elisabetta sits in a blow-up pool and has Val deliver her a drink. David Arquette hits golf balls off the roof. The end! That was a decent idea with piss poor execution, like most of the bits on this show.
Then The Script performs their song "For the First Time" while Chelsie and Dmitry dance. It's nice to see those two again. I'm glad the show doesn't pretend they don't exist any more, as they do with Edyta and Alec. They bleep the song, which I don't understand, because I looked up the lyrics out of curiosity and there's no cursing (at least in the version I found). Weird. Maybe Nancy Grace's boob popped out again.
More results, this time from the highest-scoring couples. Mark totally lifted up Kristin's dress and checked out her butt. Gross. After judging, Kristin took some direction for Len and Bruno on her frame. She is really impressing me with her desire to learn and be critiqued and then put it to good use. Karina and JR got docked for their lift and for not doing a traditional jive. The grassy knoll part of me wonders if they did that on purpose to get people on JR's side against the judges because he's such a front-runner. Ricki is really grateful to Derek, and in their confessional, Derek can't add and I think Ricki was very, very close to popping out of the top of her dress. But I think it was a microphone, not her nipple. See, Nancy Grace? I can tell the difference. Anyway, all three of these couples are safe.
Before the commercial, there's a clip package where everyone talks about how the first results show really brought home that people will be leaving, and you never know who it will be. Most of the stars feel that their pros are really working them hard this week. Ha ha, wait until like week six. Shit gets real. You think you're working hard now? Week sixish is when you start paying. In sweat. Apologies to Debbie Allen.
A random dance troupe is on hand to do a tribute to Busby Berkeley. I am a sucker for this overhead stuff. I wish they had a swimming pool. I love when they do that synchronized stuff in a pool. I will be really happy if they also have fans made out of feathers. I think that's required. Oh, there are the fans. I called it. I enjoyed that spectacle. I don't always love these Stars of Dance performances, but that one fit the bill for me.
Brooke is backstage asking dumb questions to Rob, Nancy and Chaz. Rob says he's happy to be there. Nancy's shocked that they got an 8 from Len. Chaz thinks that his joints can hold up, and admits that he even feels better today after having a day off. So let's look back at last night with those three couples. Rob has no personality. I think that's my biggest problem with him. I don't hate him (as long as he's not a brat) and I don't love him. He's just there. Nancy claimed her quickstep would "burn it up." Um, I think you have to dance a little faster to even get a spark, Nance. After hearing the judges' comments, Chaz was actually pleasantly surprised by the scores. So where do these three couples stand? Rob and Cheryl and Nancy and Tristan are safe. Chaz and Lacey are in jeopardy.
1 2 3
Demi Lovato is on hand to perform "Skyscraper." I can't keep up with all these tween stars. I know that makes me old. I accept that about myself. She's also dancing while sitting down, which is just bad form. She's wearing a very pretty dress but it's kind of ruined by her wireless mic pack. There are some couples dancing around on ladders and stairs, and another reason that I know I'm old is that I'm worried they're going to get hurt. That looks dangerous!
And more results on the results show! Chynna and Tony were accused of playing it safe, and Chynna vowed to go all out in the future. Elisabetta kind of has man hands, doesn't she? Maybe I'm just jealous. Hope knows that she went a little too fast, but she thought she did okay. I just remembered that the jive is when Maks's last athletic partner, Misty May, got hurt. I'm shocked that the show didn't bring that up. So let's see where these three couples stand. Chynna and Tony and Hope and Maks are safe. Elisabetta and Val are in jeopardy.
So just as a refresher, the following three couples are in jeopardy: David and Kym, Elisabetta and Val, and Chaz and Lacey. Tom says that they are actually going to reveal the bottom two. Interesting. I wonder why? Guess who's not in the bottom two? Chaz and Lacey. So David and Kym and Elisabetta and Val are the bottom two. I guess they want the couple that doesn't leave to get more votes week. I feel like being told your favorite is in the bottom two really inspires people to vote. So enough of my theorizing about the way this show works. Who's going home? Elisabetta and Val. Well. Will anyone really miss them? I won't. I'm sure the show is sad that they don't get to play up the Val/Maks brother thing anymore. But no one knew who she was, so she wasn't going to stay long unless she was really awesome, and she kind of wasn't. Her final speech is kind of boring because her English is not great. Val blames himself. Aw. He'll be back. No one looks that sad to see them go except Maks.
1 2 3