Tom and Brooke reminds us that it's the finals and then introduce the couples. And then it's that thing where one of the judges visits each couple to give them advice. Do they need advice at this point? They made it to the finals. Shouldn't they just do more of the same?
Carrie Ann is going in to see Mark and Chelsea, and the judges have assigned them the samba. Why the samba? Who knows? It's not like the show is going to explain it! Anyway, Carrie Ann tells Chelsea that her last samba was a little too perky, and they want this one to be more sensual. She shows Chelsea what she means, and Chelsea seems to get it. Will she take these lessons with her during her routine? Um, sort of? I dig the '60s vibe of the routine, and Mark throws in some weird Watusi moves that are a little out of place. How about a samba roll or two? Throw Len a bone? It's well-executed, as always, and Mark doesn't pull focus as much as usual, but it's kind of boring for a finals dance. I don't like the ending, where Mark is kneeling and Chelsea is lying on his lap and Mark looks around at the crowd like, "Aren't I awesome?" while poor Chelsea is just hanging there.
Len thought it was great overall, although he wasn't "overly keen on the flailing arms section." Me neither. Bruno thought it was a firecracker of a samba, and Carrie Ann calls it "hot hot hot." Eh. I would give it a 9, because as I said, it was executed well. It was just missing that extra bit. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 9, and Bruno 10. I just realized one of the things that turned me off in that dance is that Mark's wearing an open shirt and his gross pasty chest put me off my feed.
Bruno went to visit Kirstie and Maks in rehearsals. He encourages Kirstie to take her moments and stick the poses. She tries it out and Bruno is jumping up and down with glee. He is a tiny little man, isn't he? I think he probably shops in the little boys section of the department store. Anyway, their routine starts out kind of slow, and she's really suffering from doing the samba right after Chelsea did the samba. Her routine, in comparison, is revealed as less full of content. It's good, and if Chelsea had done a different dance or had there been more space between, I probably wouldn't have noticed. But since it came right after Chelsea, it's obviously slower and more simple. They do have samba rolls, though. I get distracted because Maks is wearing a see-through orange shirt and he has a giant tattoo on his rib cage and you can see it. Anyway, it was fine, but not nearly as good as Chelsea's. I give it an 8, but I'm sure the judges will give it 9s.
Bruno thought her feet and musicality were great, but she looked at the floor instead of the audience at times. Carrie Ann mentions Chelsea but pretends like Kirstie was fine anyway. Len also says that they're both appealing, and thinks Kirstie was natural, though she could have been crisper. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. I totally called it.
And obviously, Len went to visit Hines and Kym in rehearsal. The judges assigned them the quickstep as their do-over dance, and Len wants to make Hines's feet sharper. Len does a few steps in frame with Kym and it makes me wish yet again that we could see each of the judges do an entire routine with one of the pros. I would love that. Anyway, Hines's routine is great. Another great idea that I'll give the producers for free, though: show the routine right before we see the new one, so we can see the improvement. The footwork is on point about 99% of the time, and I love Kym's choreography. Holy crap, though. Kym is totally cross-eyed. What is going on? Is she having a stroke? It is FREAKING ME OUT! She's never been cross-eyed before. Are they going to mention it? Anyway, this routine would get a 9 any other week, but I bet this week it gets a 10.
Carrie Ann says that it was a lot of fun, and she can't believe his charisma. Len thought it was a vast improvement, but he doesn't think Hines is quite to Mirror Ball Trophy levels yet. Bruno disagrees, because he thought there was excitement and glitz, and he also can't believe Hines's charisma. Kym doesn't seem quite as cross-eyed when she's not dancing. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 9, and Bruno 10.
And now it's time for the freestyles. I kind of hate the freestyles and here's why: the whole season has been about learning to do ballroom and Latin dances, and if the stars do well in that job, they get to stay. And now it gets to the finals, where we are saying to them, "Now we will judge which of the three of you has done the best job learning these dances." And in order to make that decision, we ask them to do a dance that is neither ballroom nor Latin. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I get that they are crowd pleasers. Actually, no, I don't get that. Are they? The show tells us that they are, but how do they know? Do people write in and say, "MORE FREESTYLES!" Anyway, it just seems counterintuitive is all.
So Mark and Chelsea, the rebels, are going first. In rehearsals, Mark is doing all this crazy choreography and Chelsea is just watching him going, "WTF?" She even rolls her eyes, which was awesome. And then Mark says, "It's so swag," as if I didn't hate him enough. He is the worst. EVER. At one point, they are practicing a spin where Chelsea has her legs on Mark's shoulders and he's totally pulling her pants down and doesn't know it and she's fighting desperately to pull them back up, which cracks me up. I saw Chelsea's underwear! So the actual dance starts with Mark and Chelsea riding in on a low rider bike for no apparent reason. And then they start dancing and it's a lot of lifts and spins and not much actual dancing. And then the lights go out and they have mini-lights on their hands and feet, which is kind of cool, and they are in perfect sync, although honestly, the choreography doesn't look that difficult. Says the woman sitting on her couch watching. Anyway, Chelsea's lights go out at one point and I don't think that was planned. It's fine. It's a very Mark performance, but I was kind of expecting more difficult choreography, like that I would go, "WHOA!" at one point. And I didn't. It could also be because they showed the biggest lifts in the rehearsal footage. They're totally going to get 10s, though.
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Len thought this was a great celebration of how far Chelsea has come and he loved it. Bruno liked that they used Latin rhythms and showed imagination while advancing the limits of dance. Carrie Ann does a dance rather than give her feelings. It's a dance of joy. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 10, and Bruno 10.
So what will Kirstie and Maks do for their freestyle? Maks explains that they have to do lifts because they're expected, even if Kirstie isn't as young and athletic as Chelsea or Hines. I really hope Kirstie isn't going to do that cartwheel she's doing in rehearsals in the actual routine, because it's terrible. So the routine starts out with lots of slow walking (Maks trademark) and some rumba-type moves and then there are a few lifts. And then it gets really fast and Kirstie actually does that horrible cartwheel and it's still horrible. Why would Maks let her do that? It looks dumb, and serves no purpose other than to show she can do a cartwheel about as well as my seven-year-old nephew. Actually, he's better. I should mention that Kirstie is wearing a catsuit and looks pretty good and way thinner than she did at the beginning of the season but am I supposed to give her a ten for that? It felt a lot like the greatest hits of all their other routines, with bits and pieces cribbed from other weeks. Maks is not good at freestyle. I mean, it was fine. It wasn't Marie's Doll Dance or anything. But it wasn't great.
Bruno says that he couldn't even imagine Kirstie doing lifts and the moves she did tonight, and while it could have been smoother, he has mad respect. Carrie Ann acknowledges the lifts weren't great, but she feels the dance embodied Kirstie's joy in living. Len liked seeing elements of different dances, and he thought she took risks and did well with them. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. The ballroom boos, but come on. Did you see that cartwheel?
Hines and Kym go third. They've chosen a song from Drumline and are going to do it like a halftime show. I love this idea. But will it translate to the dance floor? Hines comes out dressed like a drum major and they have a mini-drumline at the front of the stage. The routine starts off very paso-like and then moves into more of a samba, which is where Hines can really shine. It wasn't as exciting as their quickstep, and I bet they would have had more lifts if not for Kym's injury. I liked it a lot though; as much as I've liked any freestyle, anyway. The crowd goes nuts.
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Carrie Ann knows that it's tough to dance to marching band music, and the lifts were insane. Len says that Hines gave his all and it will show in the scores. Bruno thinks they created "a crowd pleasing event." Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 10, and Bruno 10.
So it's a two-horse race, really. You know the judges will give everyone the same scores tomorrow night, because they nearly always do. I think Hines will pull it out. I don't know if he's the best dancer, but people vote for a lot of things other than dancing: charisma, story, partnership, and God knows what all. We'll find out tomorrow. Here are the final scores:
Chelsea and Mark: 29 + 30 = 59
Hines and Kym: 29 + 30 = 59
Kirstie and Maks: 27 + 27 = 54
Check out who other other experts predictwill win.
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