Last night, Nicole and Jake got high praise, while Kate in particular got rightly criticized. But one of them, and only one, is going home this week. Who will it be? We'll find out LIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
They reveal some results immediately, which they've been doing all along this season, and I really like. They mix it up, though, and this week they're going to reveal the fates of the couples at the top and bottom of the judges' leaderboard. Nicole and Derek are at the top, and they are, to the surprise of no one, safe. Kate and Tony are at the bottom. I was sure they would be safe, too, because that would be shocking, and leave people wondering who the bottom two was then. And yet... they are in the bottom two. Yay! I mean, even if she doesn't go home this week, maybe she's getting closer. I don't know who Kate is looking at off stage, but she looks pissed (more than usual) and kind of sighs, like, "I don't know why people didn't vote for me. I'm just a mom! Doing this for my kids!"
Len reviews last night's dances. He was happy that Erin and Maks switched into high gear. He thinks Jake went from supporting role to leading man with his underwear dance. Pam's quickstep didn't have enough content. That's actually a valid criticism, and one I don't recall him making last night. Len thinks those three are in the middle. He moves on to Niecy and Chad. He thinks Niecy isn't meeting expectations, and Niecy seems to be confusing shaking her boobs with technique, much as I love her. Len argues that Chad isn't living up to his potential, either. Len tells Kate, "This is dancing with the stars, not strolling with the stars." So Niecy, Kate, and Chad are at the bottom. It's an insult to put Niecy and Chad in the same group with Kate. And then, of course, the top two are Evan and Nicole, and we all know how great they are. Let's hope someone else bubbles up to the top before the end, or this won't be very interesting until the finals.
Len says that he and Carrie Ann want to see a fun cha cha cha, and Bruno just wants to see Jake in his underwear. So we get to see that mess again. Jake makes guppy faces like Mark Ballas used to. I can't believe Len didn't point out how much of the time Jake just stood there while Chelsie danced around him. And his feet are really bad. I realize my dislike for Jake as a person is bleeding through to my critique, but there you have it. Chelsie has a bit of a wardrobe malfunction at the end, but I think she manages to keep everything contained.
The first performance of the night is Maxwell performing "Fistful of Tears." Why do I feel like he was already on this season? What other show did I see him on? His record label is really pushing him. Two pros I don't know come out and do a very nice routine with lots of interesting lifts. It's nice to see a lift once in a while without Carrie Ann bitching about it.
It's time for more results. They're calling couples forward in pairs. Chad and Cheryl and Niecy and Louis are called forward. First, Brooke says that Chad and Cheryl are neither safe nor necessarily in the bottom two. So good thing they were called forward. Niecy and Louis, on the other hand, are safe. Niecy jumps around. Yay! I hope she gets something more exciting week.
Brooke is backstage with Kate and Chad. Brooke points out that the judges hate Kate, and basically says, "Does that hurt your feelings?" Kate says that she knows she's improving (not really), and she's trying her best (absolutely untrue) and she hopes to continue on the show (or she won't get paid more). Brooke asks her if she's surprised to be in the bottom two, and Kate spouts the douchebag phrase, "It is what it is." Remember when Ryan on The Office originally got promoted, and they had that interview where he sat at his desk and just spouted stupid business-speak like "at the end of the day" and "it is what it is"? Yeah, it's like that. Brooke gets bored and turns to Chad, who says that he's frustrated and nuke-mad (a Call of Duty reference, apparently which is why I need my husband to stay up to tell me these things instead of going to bed at 8 PM so he can be fresh as a daisy when we have to feed the twins in the middle of the night. How dare he?)
Yay! Adam's back with Between the Mirrorballs. This week's installment is not as funny as the last one, although Adam gets a good shot in at Kate when he sees her routine and then asks to see it again at regular speed instead of slow motion. He does also point out that Evan got praised for his spins when, hello! He's an ice skater. If he can't do spins, he should pack it in.
Now it's time for a tribute to the movies through the years. They start with tap dancers to "Puttin' On the Ritz" and then suddenly jump to guys in Travolta white suits dancing to "You Should Be Dancin'" This just makes me want to watch Saturday Night Fever. To the Netflix website! Then they go to an Austin Powers tribute, because the woman choreographing this routine also did that movie. I don't really remember the dancing when I think of that movie, though. And then Debbie Allen is there to yell out the line that launched a million of my jokes: "You want fame? Well fame costs! And right here is where you start paying... in sweat!" Yeah, Kate. You hear that? You need to actually work hard at something if you want fame. And then there's a Lady Gaga-fied version of "Fame," which I'm totally against. Didn't they try to update this movie and it totally bombed? You'll never top the original with Coco's boobs and Rocket Romano's red 'fro. I'm sorry. Have you actually watched that movie lately? I have. It's incredibly loooooooooong and slow with surprisingly few musical numbers. And yet, it totally captures that era in New York, and I love it. Anyway, that seemed like a wasted opportunity. If they wanted to pay tribute to dance in the movies, that was way too short and way too focused on recent times.
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There's another performance? Damn. Someone named Debbie Nova is here to make her American television debut. She kind of looks like a cross between Shakira and Denise Richards. Dmitry, Derek, Tony and Damian come out to dance with her. It always amazes me how in sync the pro dancers can be when they have so few hours to choreograph and rehearse these routines. I'm sure they reuse segments and stuff from dances, but it always looks fresh to me, and like they've rehearsed it for weeks. They don't get enough credit for that.
Tom and Brooke announce that week there will be a swing dance marathon, and the stars will get to design costumes for their pro partners. They always make a big deal out of this, but nothing ever really comes out of it other than a lot of jokes and then the actual costume looks the same as it always does. Like Nicole jokes that she's going to put Derek in fringe, and Kate says she's going to put Tony in white with pastel sequins. But in the end, why would you want your partner to look ridiculous, because it could affect your score.
Tom and Brooke are ready to reveal some more results. They ask Evan and Anna and Jake and Chelsie to step forward. Evan and Anna are safe, but Jake and Chelsie are still in jeopardy (but not necessarily in the bottom two).
Brooke is backstage with Nicole, Evan and Niecy, since they are all safe. Brooke tells Nicole that it looks easy for her, and Nicole promises that it's not, and Derek says that she puts in a lot of hours. Brooke asks Evan how it felt to lose the top spot. Evan gives his ice skating answer, which is that they gave it all they had and were inspired by Derek and Nicole. Brooke asks Niecy how she's going to catch up to the others, and Niecy laughs that she probably can't catch up to "these beautiful thin children" but she'll stay in her lane and keep having fun.
Erin and Maks and Pamela and Damian are the only remaining couples who haven't been called down yet, so down they go. Erin and Maks are safe. Maks is thrilled; he obviously thought they were in trouble. Pamela and Damian are still in jeopardy.
After reviewing the dances from all the couples that have still not been told they're safe, it's time to find out who is actually in the bottom two with Kate and Tony. It could be Jake and Chelsie, Pamela and Damian, or Chad and Cheryl. Tom starts out first and tells Jake and Chelsie that they are safe. Brooke tells Chad and Cheryl that they are safe. Chad has a reaction but then stops, because he's not sure what they said. Finally, Cheryl figures it out and they hug. So that means that Pamela and Damian are in the bottom two with Kate and Tony.
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Tom ask the judges about the bottom two. Carrie Ann calls Kate "a housewife" which doesn't seem like a compliment, and says that she admires how Kate is no quitter. Except on her marriage. Hey-yo! Brooke asks Bruno about Pamela, and Bruno says that she's a good dancer and he can't believe that people can't see it. Tom wants Len to talk about these two. Len says that he looks forward to seeing what these two will do each week. But mostly Pamela. And not Kate.
So who's going home? Tom takes his time announcing that the couple going home will be... Kate and Tony. Oh, thank God. God bless America. I just saluted the television. Tony is grinning ear to ear. He must be so relieved. Brooke feeds into Kate's ego and tells her that she's courageous. Kate is very emotional and asks for a minute. Tony pipes up and says that Kate has eight kids and she's a single mom, and she still comes out and gives her best. But not really. Tom reveals that Kate kind of knew she was going home tonight. Kate says that her gut feelings are always right. Except that she had a gut feeling she should dance on national television, and that's not right. God, the partying the others will do tonight now that they don't have to deal with her bitchery anymore. And man, do they have a lot of time left to talk to her. Bleh. I don't want to hear what Kate has to say about her terrible dancing. Good bye and good riddance.
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