By Kim
Len loves Jake's enthusiasm, and wishes he hadn't screwed up the ending. Bruno wonders why Jake had to put his pants on at all, and he thought he had great lines. Carrie Ann thinks that Jake has guts, and she loved the whole dance. Were they watching the same out-of-control mess that I was? Seriously, WTF? Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8. Boo. Overscored.
Last week, Pamela got huge marks from the judges, and this week, she'll be dancing to one of my all-time favorite songs, "9 to 5," the title song from the movie. They'll be doing the quickstep, so Pam needs to work on her stamina, although since she'll be playing Dolly Parton, she can probably get by on her boobs for a lot of it. Pam comes out and sits at a table and shows off her assets until Damian comes out and they finally start the quickstep. It took way too long to get there. And this is one of the slower quicksteps I've seen. It looks more like a waltz in the beginning. I don't know if it's the poor song choice or what. They do an impressive move where they dance up a chair, over a desk, and back down the other side, but I don't know if it's enough. It was kind of dull.
Bruno loves how Pam stays in character, and she kept her posture throughout. Carrie Ann agrees with Bruno, and says that she would even love to see Pam on Broadway. Len hated the twenty-four bars of just messing about, as anyone would who watched this show knew he would. He disparages "all that nonsense." I love him. He's so right. Without him, this show would turn into people doing two-minute skits with thirty seconds of dancing. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 8. Backstage, Pamela explains that they needed to use the props in the beginning because the beginning of the song is pretty dull. That's actually true. Len isn't buying it.
Ugh, Kate and Tony. She sucks, but she sucked a tiny bit less last week. They're doing the foxtrot to "Don't You Forget About Me" from The Breakfast Club. Kate has never seen the movie. Okay, she's in her mid-30s, right? How has she not seen that movie? Anyway, Tony wants her to do that move where you plug your nose and pretend that you're diving down and Kate just stares at him and bitches about how dumb it is. Tony is starting to lose his patience. He says that it's in the movie, and he wanted to add a bit of humor. She's like, "Are we swimming or are we dancing?" He should just kick her in the box. Seriously. I think Kate's biggest problem is that no one has ever just kicked her in the box. I don't normally advocate violence, but she needs a good smack. She has NO SENSE OF HUMOR. How does she get through life? Tony asks her to please put one ounce of energy into her dancing, and explains to the camera that Kate has no motivation and it's like pulling teeth. God, what an ungrateful sow. Why are people voting for her? WHY? WHY DO THEY DO IT? She's making me like Tony, and I've never liked Tony. Blech. So how is their actual dance? It is the most careful foxtrot of all time, and a lot of it features Kate caressing her long wig. Who originally said that someone danced like old people making love? That's what this is. Kate seems to think that singing along with the song equals putting energy into it. But it doesn't. Poor Tony.
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