Last week, Kim and Mark went home. However, on Friday, while practicing her jive, Misty hurt her Achilles tendon. And they even have footage of the injury. Sometimes watching this show is kind of like watching a football game where every week, someone gets carted off the field on a gurney. And I kind of love that. Anyway, tonight, we'll find out if Misty's injury means she has to drop out, as well as see a bunch of performances as usual. And it will all be LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Tom and Samantha introduce the couples, and I'm interested to see if Misty is able to walk out, and if she's wearing a boot or cast or whatever. There are definitely some... interesting outfits this week. And I can tell by their '50s outfits that Cloris and Corky are doing the Jive and I'm not looking forward to it. There's a woman in the audience that I think looks exactly like me, and I pause the DVR and make my husband look because it's kind of freaking me out. He says that she looks like me, if I gained forty pounds and aged ten years. So either I have a poor self-image, or he sees me in the best possible light. You make the call. Anyway, Misty and Maks did not walk out, so either she can't walk, or they're just trying to draw out the suspense. Tom promises us that Misty will be out later tonight to talk about her injury. They show the footage again, and she actually hops around and puts weight on her bad ankle right after the incident, so now I'm thinking it wasn't all that bad. Who knows?
But first, we get to see some of this week's dances. The first couple to perform this week is Susan and Tony, doing the jive. Susan and Tony get in an argument over whether or not she knows the steps. She doesn't think that she does. Tony points out that Susan is too much in her head, so he... takes her to meet the Rockettes? To help with her kicking? They advise her to enjoy herself in the performance, and then Susan and Tony do a kickline with the Rockettes. Well, if you're going to meet the Rockettes, you have to do a kickline. It's like a law.
So here's their performance. Susan is light on her feet, but it's like you can see her counting out the steps in her head: "Kick, kick, step. Step, flick, step." She needs to just get into the music a little more and just perform. Like the Rockettes said! I get that it's probably tougher for the more mature competitors to really dance away with abandon, but she still seems too careful. And there are a few parts where she doesn't seem all that familiar with the routine and kind of forgets some steps. Judges? Len thinks being on this show is physically and mentally tough on everyone, and he thinks Susan has kept things strong. Bruno basically says he likes to check out Susan's boobs in so many words, and then says that she looked a bit tentative in her steps at times, but she does show improvement. Carrie Ann says also noticed that Susan seemed a bit timid, and needs to show off her confidence and strength. Backstage, Susan says that she rolled her ankle a bit earlier and missed dress rehearsal, but she's fine now. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7.
Lance and Lacey have the Viennese Waltz this week, and Tom wonders if they will "bow down to classical ballroom technique." Lance announces that this week they're going to play by the rules. Lacey tries to get Lance to be less hip-hop, which it's kind of sad that they're only this week working on taking the hip-hop out of his moves. So Lacey and Lance take their moves to that sure-fire hotbed of comedy: an assisted living facility. They do their routine for the oldsters, who have sassy and feisty things to say, like that they used to do the waltz, but better. Or asking about Cloris Leachman. Lacey says that Cloris will be there after the show, and I don't think she meant it like, "Cloris is so old that she belongs with you old people" but it kind of came off that way. Another woman tells Lance his hair is too crazy and he promises to tone it down.
So did it work? Let's see. I do like Lacey's dress; it's silvery and flowy and covers her up. Lance is wearing a matching suit. There's still something off about Lance's posture and I can't quite figure it out. He definitely gets into the drama of the routine, and the ending is super drama where he pretends he's distraught and has to sit down. Afterwards, Tom comments sotto voce to Lacey that Cloris wants to meet her in the parking lot afterwards. Judges? Bruno says there was a little problem with the rise and fall of the dance and looked a bit labored. Bruno missed the spark. Carrie Ann loved it, especially that Lance danced as much as Lacey instead of just being the frame. Len makes a crack about how he's old, and then tells them that it was flat-footed with poor posture, but had the most content and was their best routine so far. Backstage, Samantha makes yet another crack about Len and Cloris being old and then we hear the scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 7. So they finally got higher than a 6 from Len.
Maurice and Cheryl are up . Last week, Len told them that their routine lacked finesse. The day, in rehearsal, Maurice says his confidence is down a bit, but he thinks the jive is right up his alley. Cheryl seems really disgusted with him, and annoyed. She does not seem very fun. So Cheryl takes him to the track so he can do some tire drills and jump roping (jumping rope) to help him with his footwork. So... that happened.
Maurice and Cheryl are wearing some very aqua outfits for their jive I think Cheryl has a poodle skirt on. Maurice is really, really light on his feet, and his footwork is fantastic. I think that whole clip package was designed to lower our expectations because he's way better than I thought he would be. My only problem with the routine is at the end, when Maurice slides Cheryl across the floor, runs over to the judges' table to point at his watch (because they're dancing to "Rock Around the Clock") and then slides back over to Cheryl and collapses. WTF was that? Maybe the judges know. Carrie Ann calls Maurice "a wild, untamed beast" which seems kind of racist. Len thought it was "fast, bright, and lively" and compliments the choreography as well. Bruno liked the pace and the energy, and appreciates the precision this week too. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. Maurice says that this week was the hardest, but Cheryl helped him through it.
As for Karina and Rocco, last week Bruno said that he's out of juice, and Len told him that it lacked musicality. So Karina tries to get Bruno to get out of his head. She puts a blindfold on him and makes him dance to different types of music. Rocco actually kind of loses his self-consciousness when he can't see himself in the mirror and gets down to some reggae. He actually has moves! Only, like, two, but moves nonetheless. Karina plays some waltz music and Rocco gets into character, and tells Karina that the blindfold is really working for him.
So he starts out their routine with an actual blindfold on. I hope he takes that off before he tries to go down the stairs. Oh, good. He did. Here's what I love about HD. When Rocco starts doing these side-to-side leaps that look fairly ridiculous, you can totally see Carrie Ann in the background giggling. They do a big non-lift spin, probably so that Rocco has to dance less. This seems way longer than other people's routines. And then there's a weird thing where they like, high-five each other and then run over to the judges' table and Rocco makes Len put sunglasses on? WTF was that? This is the weirdest choreography night ever. So what did the judges think? Len gives his whole critique with crazy sunglasses on, and says that sometimes Rocco loses the time but the moves were good. Bruno thinks Rocco should have kept his blindfold on, and he needs to keep his musicality going. Carrie Ann tells Bruno that he's crazy, and she thinks Rocco is the most improved. She also appreciates that Karina kept her foot on the ground to avoid doing a lift. Tom reminds us, "This is not just a popularity contest. It's a popularity contest... with sequins." Backstage, Rocco says that every minute he gets to stay is a gift. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 6. Rocco is pleased. Samantha says that Rocco was in the room when Misty got hurt, but of course, Rocco can't really say anything because they're saving it for a big reveal, so he just babbles for a minute. Why even ask that question?
The couple is Warren and Kym. Luckily for me, my husband is sick and went to bed early so I don't have to hear his many disgruntled remarks about how much he hates Warren. Anyway, Warren is ready to do the Viennese Waltz this week. Ooh, he doesn't look very smooth in rehearsal. Kym urges him to be romantic and smooth, and she's impressed by how well he got into character. Warren promises to show us "the softer side of Sapp."
Warren is a vision in mauve. He's wearing a mauve suit and a pink shirt -- that exact color combination was on my comforter in my bedroom growing up. As for the dancing, Warren seems to be more of a frame than a dancer, and I'm not seeing the character that they promised me. He looks a bit stiff as well. I'm not seeing the joy he usually brings to the floor, although he is smooth. Judges? Bruno thought he got the character and performed well. Wow. I couldn't disagree more. Carrie Ann has a crush on Warren, and she thought it was gorgeous. Maybe my husband has biased me. Len thought this dance was going to be Warren's downfall, but it totally worked for him. Hmm. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 8. Backstage, Warren and Kym are just thrilled. Warren was happy to tap into his softer, romantic side.
Tom teases the Misty thing again, and then introduces Cody and Julianne. Ooh. Julianne is wearing a shag wig like Carol Brady style, and it is not cute. During the week, Cody and Julianne went to Miley Cyrus's birthday party at Disneyland, and EEEEE! They talked to MIIIIIILEEEEEEY! And lots of little girls screamed. Anyway, Cody is happy to get back in rehearsals and burn off some energy with the jive. But then he does an interview where he's wearing a fedora and he pretends to shoot off a gun and then blows on it, and I realize that he might be a little slow. And also, he kind of looks like Jon Heder.
So how's that jive? Okay, this is very confusing and disturbing. First, they are dancing to "The Breeze" by ZZ Top. Slowed way down. And somehow made into a jive. And then they sort of hop all around the floor, but I'm not seeing much actual jive content. I can't tell if Cody is chewing gum or mouthing something or just making guppy faces, but his mouth keeps opening and closing. At one point, Cody pretends to play guitar on Julianne's leg and also acts like he's going to bite it? I don't think Cody understands how sex works. With a woman, at least. Then they finally do a little bit of footwork, but then Cody plays air guitar again and then it's over. I thought that sucked. And was also quite disturbing. Carrie Ann liked the energy but didn't like that Cody was mouthing the steps. So THAT'S what he was doing. I thought he was chewing gum. Len says the mouthing didn't bother him, but he thought the second half was just repeating the first part. Bruno points out how dumb the air guitar thing was. Thank you, Bruno! He thinks that Cody is talented, and needs to use that talent. Dude, Kool and the Gang is going to be on tomorrow night! What do you wish they would play? I'm voting for "Misled" or "Joanna" or "Get Down On It" or "Jungle Boogie." Basically, anything but "Celebration." Backstage, Samantha asks Cody if his fanbase has changed from being on the show, and he says that he's gotten some attention from older women. Cloris sneaks into frame and starts feeling him up. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Cloris tells Cody to speak with a deeper voice and suddenly Cody is doing a semi-racist "Hi, I'm Isaiah Jackson" type voice. Make it stop! Go to commercial!
Toni and Alec are up . Last week, the judges loved Toni's rumba, but Carrie Ann gave her shit for lifts. Toni doesn't think she did a lift, but video shows she totally did. In rehearsal, Toni says that she wants to update the waltz a bit instead of making it so traditional. Ask Lance and Lacey how well that works out. Alec tries to get Toni to do a handstand, and Toni complains that she was the girl in school that no one wanted on their team, and she's not athletic at all. Alec tries to prove her wrong.
Toni and Alec are dressed in their 17th Century finest as they start dancing to Fur Elise, which soon turns into a rocking out version of the same song. I think the guitar player, who is supposed to be playing the melody, screws up a couple of times. And I think Alec lifts Toni off the ground again. The routine is... okay. I expect more from Toni, actually. I miss Maks. His waltzes were always awesome. Wait, did I miss the handstand? I just went back and watched the whole routine again, and I didn't see it. So we had to watch the whole clip package and then they didn't even do the handstand? Len tells them that if it ain't broke, don't fix it, and they don't need gimmicks because Toni is a good dancer. Bruno thinks they took a huge risk, and they kind of overproduced. Carrie Ann really liked it, and enjoyed that they went back to the roots of the waltz, when it was scandalous. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Alec admits that after hearing the judges' comments, he thought their scores would be lower.
Oh, Cloris. It's time for the freak show. In rehearsals, Corky says that the jive is the most physically demanding of all the dances, so he needs to build up Cloris's stamina. Which he does by having her do pushups and other calisthenics. Maybe he should have her do some cardio. Corky explains that he gets Cloris to dance and then makes up the choreography around her. Based on some of the moves I'm seeing in rehearsal, this is a frightening proposition.
So first, the outfits. Corky has on white pants and a fuchsia sport coat. Cloris has on a red wig, a fuchsia skirt, and lots of spangles. I don't know. They basically walk around the dance floor without making much effort to, you know, do the jive. And then Cloris is behind Corky and she pretends that his butt smells? How I wish I were making that part up. At one point, Cloris's wig falls off and she kind of loses it and just giggles her way through most of the routine, and then he does the wheelbarrow with her and then he's humping her across the floor? I swear to God, if I didn't know better, I would think I just hallucinated that whole thing. Because WTF? Cloris takes a victory lap and waves to the audience, and won't go over to talk to the judges when she's told. The audience gives her a standing ovation. Finally Cloris goes over and tells the judges that she just wants ones. No one knows how to respond. Bruno tells her that her routine was "beyond comprehension." Carrie Ann agrees and says that the crowd was definitely entertained. Len compliments her one basic move, and Cloris can't hear him. See, I knew the reason she always goes up to the judges' table is because she can't hear them. Time for scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 5. That's an overscore. That was ridiculous. I mean, I get that it's the best she can do. Cloris reveals that she was supposed to have a skullcap on her wig that said "Vote for Me," and then she gets all confused about how the judges' scores factor into keeping people there. Oh, Cloris. She's kind of making me sad.
Brooke and Derek and their high expectations are up . In rehearsal, both Brooke and Derek get frustrated because Brooke can't get the moves. Basically, Derek keeps asking Brooke about the move, and she says that instead of making her guess wrong, he should just tell her, because she obviously doesn't know. So this leads to Derek telling her that her mind is lazy (!) and Brooke asking him to hear her out about how bad that makes her feel. Instead, Derek refuses to hear because he says that he knows what he's doing. Honestly? I think Derek kind of looks like a dick here. Like, sorry you've been dancing since you were like two years old, but some people have a learning curve. Brooke walks out, but then later Derek apologizes and they get back to rehearsal.
Their Viennese Waltz is up . Derek is singing while he dances, which bugs me. His hair is also bugging me. Get a trim, you dirty hippie. The dance itself is gorgeous though. Brooke's arms and legs are extremely graceful, which is probably the most important thing with a waltz once you have the steps down, and you can't really teach it. They dance to "Daughter" by John Mayer, and at the end, Brooke gives her daughter a kiss on the forehead. Sweet. Judges? Carrie Ann says that Brooke is becoming her favorite dancer of all time. Len thinks it was the best dance of the season. Bruno enjoyed the beauty and lyricism. I totally agree. She's even better than Kristi was last season, because she seems more into the music and less robotic. Scores? Carrie Ann 9, Len 10, and Bruno 9. Whoa! The first ten of the season, and it's from LEN! That's unreal. Backstage, Derek says that he has to push Brooke sometimes to get her to her full potential. They both agree that their partnership works.
Tom introduces Misty to discuss her injury. Misty is on crutches with a big cast on her left lower leg. We see the footage again, and you can actually hear a pop as Misty's tendon rips off or explodes or whatever. Misty explains that Rocco and Karina helped her out, and Maks was scared. So the doctors said that she ruptured her Achilles tendon, which was the snap that we heard. Yikes! Tom asks what this means for her and this season. Misty says that she has to be on the sidelines now, as she won't be able to come back this season. Misty gets kind of emotional when she admits that. After the break, all of the couples are standing up on the stage. Tom asks Misty what this means for her volleyball career. Misty says that she was planning on taking time off anyway, so the timing is no big deal. They bring Maks down, and Misty says that she thinks all of the women will be upset with her for taking Maks off the show. She talks up how sweet and sensitive he is, and he says that she's angelic and he's really sad that they won't be dancing together anymore. Maks actually says that Misty is top of the list in terms of his partners, which is going to make the Mel/Maks fans in the forums go CRAZY. Misty says that when she gets better, she wants to come back and do the jive. Tom introduces a clip package of Misty and Maks's time together. Misty says that the other dancers were like a big family, and she hopes to remain friends with them forever. Everyone applauds, but they don't tell us how they're going to change the voting. Like will they end a week earlier? Or will there be a non-elimination week? Or other? I guess we'll find out tomorrow night.
So Cloris should go home this week. Make that happen, America. Here are the standings:
Brooke and Derek: 28
Warren and Kym: 25
Maurice and Cheryl: 24
Lance and Lacey: 22
Toni and Alec: 22
Susan and Tony: 21
Cody and Julianne: 21
Rocco and Karina: 20
Cloris and Corky: 16
Kim plots world domination, one domain at a time, at her blog Fresh Hell. You can contact her at reedkim@gmail.com.
Talk about the show with other fans in the forums. And stay tuned to Maks's blog to get his take on the other competitors.