Last night, the producers really tried to position Jason as the new leader, because approximately seven out of ten of the opening shots are of Jason, and then they show Kristi making a weird face. It would be an interesting social experiment to have a group of volunteers watch this show with no sound and try to judge who they think is the frontrunner and who is in last place, because sometimes I think the show sends me secret messages. Excuse me while I adjust my tinfoil hat. And in case you missed it, Christian had to go to the emergency room when he was injured during his second dance. Will he return? Will he continue to compete? We'll find out tonight LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Tom and Samantha introduce the contestants, and we get to see everyone except Christian and Cheryl. Are they there? Is Cheryl alone? We finally get to see them, and Christian is in dancing gear but appears to have some sort of bandage on his arm. I don't want him to leave tonight, only because TMZ was reporting that he wouldn't be able to continue due to his injuries, and TMZ can suck it.
As we recap last night's performances, Marissa rasps that Tony is the best teacher ever, since he took her from a six to a nine. As some pointed out on the forums, Kelly got a 13 in her first week in the first season, and came back to eventually earn a perfect score, so Marissa might want to hold off on writing her name in the record books just yet. In his confessional, Christian gets a little too serious in scolding Carrie Ann for telling him he didn't have enough energy, when he's sweating his buns off. He will cut her. Shannon continues to apologize, and it's getting a little old now. When you do it a million times, it starts to seem less than sincere. We flash back to Christian's injury. Cheryl reveals that she heard a crack and thought it was her dress ripping, but it was his arm. Christian gets into the ambulance as Tony speculates that it might just be a cramp, but Marissa dramatically intones that she doesn't think it is. She is totally worst case scenario girl. Like she just loves the most dramatic possible interpretation of events.
Oh my God. They just showed Def Leppard and Joe Elliott was wearing a suit jacket, with one button, and NOTHING UNDERNEATH. His belly was hanging out. EWWWWWWWWWW! Here's the thing: He seemed gross when I was in the sixth grade and my then-boyfriend (who recently appeared in a national Hertz commercial by the way) won me a Def Leppard mirror at the carnival. And by the way, what was up with all of the drug paraphernalia available at the carnival? Between the coke mirrors and the feathered roach clips that we used to clip in our hair, it was practically a head shop. But I'm getting off topic. I can't wait to see Def Leppard. It is going to bring back every road party, every long bus ride to a sporting event, and every ride in my friend's dad's van to a concert at the outdoor amphitheatre ever. The only artist that could more accurately bring back my high school years would be The Steve Miller Band. Go on, take the money and run.
Len asks to see Jason and Edyta's quickstep again. I'm glad, because it was definitely the better routine, and I was worried that corniness of the NFL paso doble would win them over. One thing I admire about this routine is that Jason totally does the dancer facial expressions, which he doesn't normally do, because he's too busy looking at his feet. This time, instead of throwing the judges' papers around, Jason kisses Carrie Ann on the cheek, and he kind of biffs the handstand at the end, but it doesn't really matter, does it?
Len decides to make an announcement about lifts. He tells everyone that he's noticed that there have been a lot of lifts and near-lifts this season, and the judges have decided to stop fighting it. Starting week, the dancers will be allowed to do one lift per dance, as long as it's in character with the dance. I get where he's going; if they didn't put restrictions on it, Edyta would have Jason twirling her around like a helicopter blade during the Viennese waltz, but Len came off as quite schoolmarm-ish there. In fact, Jason lifts Edyta up in celebration of their ability to do lifts.
It's time to find out who's safe. The first safe couple is...Kristi and Mark.
Kenny Mayne and Jerry Rice return for DanceCenter! Yay! Kenny is, as usual, wearing glittery eyeshadow, and Jerry Rice is too! First, they're going to look at Mario. The best part about these segments are the little fact they put on the screen for each contestant that they don't mention, so you might miss them. For example, for Mario, it says "Younger than Len's underpants" and "Brother called Luigi." Brother called Luigi! Funny. I mean, for this show. I set the bar pretty low. They think Mario has the advantage of youth and athleticism, but lacks finesse. They show a clip of Mario singing to Carrie Ann, and Kenny comments: "First name, Mario. Last name, McCheese."
up for scrutiny is Shannon Elizabeth. Len says that Shannon has great legs and a great figure, even if she does take the judging a little hard. Kenny points out that Derek has been in the hospital twice this season, and shows a clip of Shannon totally hitting Derek in the nuts. That is no way to flirt! Kenny says that Derek was hit in the "man area," which cracked me up. They note that Shannon's always slumping over at the end of her routines, and Kenny telestrates "LAZY!!" on the screen. Len suggests that she should hug him instead of Tom Bergeron, and avoid Bruno, because he wears too much makeup.
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What about Christian? Len starts going on about how well-rounded Christian is, and Kenny cuts him off to point out some of Christian's crazy facial expressions. But they can't really dig into him because as of the taping, they didn't know how injured he was. Pity.
How about Def Leppard? Singing "Pour Some Sugar on Me"? There was an urban legend at my high school that this dude named (I shit you not) Enos Ennis (that was really his name) was in this video. If we were watching it, I could point out to you where he allegedly appears, during some concert footage. The story was that they shot the video when Def Lep was in town for a concert. It was probably the most exciting thing to happen in my small town from 1984 - 1988 inclusive. Anyway, there's a paso doble going on, and it's well-danced, as the professional dances usually are, but whatever. It's Def Lep. Also, I was wrong before - the person with no shirt on is the guitar player (Steve something?), not Joe Elliott. But they're all still gross. Even the one-armed drummer. Maybe the drummer could talk to Christian about sucking it up and getting on with it after an injury.
Samantha talks to Kristi and Mark and Jason and Edyta backstage. She brings up how Kristi and Mark weren't in first last night, for the first time ever. Kristi mouths some platitudes about how great it was. Jason jokes that they were just pacing themselves, and then thanks Kristi for allowing them to have the headlines for one night.
More DanceCenter. up is Kristi Yamaguchi. Kenny claims that her nickname is "The Yam". Len thinks her advantage is her ability to learn routines set to music, and Kenny calls it an unfair advantage. So then Kenny shows a clip of Kristi letting her hair down and getting sexy during their rumba, and Jerry goes, "Kristi YamaHOOCHIE!" Len thinks Kristi can be one-dimensional. Kenny agrees that she's a robot, and then points out the worst of Mark's guppy faces. Thank you!
Marissa may be, as Kenny says, the loudest competitor in the history of the show. Len thinks she has improved from week to week. Kenny points out Tony's shaved chest, which is always exposed, and Jerry asks what's up with his glowing white teeth.
The final competitor is Jason Taylor. Len thinks Jason is graceful, elegant, and charming. Jerry is a fan as well. Len admits that Jason repeats the same moves in every routine, and they show three times that Jason has done the same stretchy move. And then there are some jokes about Jason farting, and I love a good fart joke, but me telling you about it won't really have the same impact.
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Samantha and Tom are ready to reveal another safe couple, once they can stop giggling over the fart jokes. So the couple that is safe is...Mario and Karina. Whoa. They were my pick to go home.
What in the hell is going on with Samantha's hair? It's frizzy and all over the place, and not in a good way. Did she take a nap during the break? Anyway, now it's time for Def Leppard to sing something off the new album. Or as we in the biz like to call it, the bathroom break.
There's a clip package going over the routine of the week. They no sooner learn that they're staying for another week when it's time to start learning the routine. Most of the celebrities have trouble learning the choreography fast enough for the pros. On Sunday, they do the routines on the stage so the directors can figure out where the cameras should go. But also, they all get to see who's doing well with their routines among the competitors. Monday is obviously the live show day.
Tom says something about the trajectory of the show changing multiple times since last night, presumably as Christian's status changed. So now there are four couples left: Marissa and Tony, Christian and Cheryl, Jason and Edyta, and Shannon and Derek. And we won't find out who is leaving until after the break.
Once we return, before revealing who will be going home, Tom wants to talk to Christian to find out what's going on. Christian says that he ruptured the tendon in his bicep early on, but tried to continue. Samantha asks what the prognosis is for Christian. He says that he had an MRI and he needs surgery to repair it, but the doctor told him that he can delay the surgery if he wants. Tom asks if that's risky, and Christian says that other competitors, like Marlee, have taken risks, so he will too.
One more couple is safe: Christian and Cheryl. One couple is in the bottom two: Marissa and Tony. The couple safe is: Jason and Edyta, which means that Shannon and Derek are in the bottom two as well. So someone is going home. Is it Marissa and Tony or Shannon and Derek? And it's...Shannon and Derek. She seems pretty resigned to it. Samantha tries to ask about the showmance, but Shannon deflects and says that the show was great. Derek says that Shannon was a great partner and a big dork, but he loved it. So they dance off into the sunset. And I'm going to bet, break up in like three weeks.
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