There are only five couples left! And all of them but Billy Ray deserve to be here. The celebrities are labeled "The Showman" (Joey), "The Fighter" (Laila), "The Perfectionist" (Ian), "The Olympian" (Billy Ray...just kidding, it's Apolo, obviously), and "The Crazy Bear" (Billy Ray). Wait, "the crazy bear"? "BEAR"? Did Bruno call him that? And if so, why repeat it? And didn't he call someone else a cockerel? This show is wacky.
The couples are introduced, and I realize that we haven't had a good production gaffe in a few weeks. I miss that. I love when the cameras are suddenly focusing on the floor for no apparent reason. I don't get why the show has to be ninety minutes long, since we just spent two or three minutes watching the contestants stand there and bop around to the theme music. Tom and Samantha remind us that the contestants will be doing two dances again tonight.
Up first are Ian and Cheryl. Tom reminds us that Ian is coming off his breakout week, when he was finally able to loosen up a bit and get "9"s across the board. As we watch their rehearsal, Ian tells us that he wanted to do something special for Cheryl's birthday, so he brings her a cake and balloons, and they end up having a cake fight. Cheryl says that they are doing the rumba, which is sensual, and Ian says that he's glad they are doing this a few weeks into the competition, since they are more comfortable with one another now. Their other dance this week is the foxtrot. Ian thinks that this season is the toughest one yet, and that he and Cheryl are peaking at just the right time.
Their foxtrot begins, and Cheryl is wearing an outfit that was found in the castoff bin from The Chronicles Of Narnia, white with lots of fur trim. They're dancing to "Baby, It's Cold Outside," which isn't exactly seasonally appropriate. I can't speak much about the technical aspects of their dance, but they manage to put a lot of facial expressions into it in a non-cheesy way, which is tough. Ian does a few leaps, which are not that graceful, and they also include some Rockette kicks, which don't really belong outside of Radio City Music Hall or possibly a junior high cheerleading squad. They line up to hear what the judges thought. Len thinks it was a dip from weeks, because it wasn't smooth and gliding enough. Bruno agrees that it was too hoppy and skippy. Carrie Ann points out how great their exuberance was. Random celebrity sighting: Marilu Henner.
Backstage, Ian seems subdued after the judges' words, but he has some nice words about how grateful he is for Cheryl's talents. They get an 8, 7, and 7 for a total of 22 out of 30. Not good at this stage in the competition.
Joey and Kym are working on the waltz and the mambo this week. Joey insists that he's confident, but not cocky. This week, to blow off steam, Joey and Kym are going to the Kentucky Derby. Joey plans to use it as an opportunity to garner votes. As they practice their dances, Joey announces that he's going to tone down the razzle dazzle this week, and that he wants to sell the dance.
Kym is wearing something that looks like my 1990 prom dress combined with a Barbie Dream House combined with a poodle skirt. And she's way too tan. Anyway, she and Joey both manage to glide around the floor gracefully, and with a minimum of mugging, and they finish with a neat under-the-arm turn.
Time for judging! Bruno thinks Joey should stick to the razzle dazzle, because this was boring. Kind of true! Carrie Ann agrees that Joey shouldn't hold back, although she praises the technique. Len thought it was elegant and beautiful, instead of the "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" type of dancing. What? Len! You scamp! Len tells them not to listen to the other judges. I think I would stick to the razzle dazzle, since then you get two out of three, and Len isn't going to give THAT low a score. The scores are revealed, and they get a 9, a 9, and an 8 for a 26 out of 30. Joey pretends to be mad at Bruno, but he's clearly pleased overall. Joey also remembers to appeal to the folks at home, which is smart.
Billy Ray is still here, despite the "heel-billy" jokes. Please don't make that joke again, Crazy Bear. He realizes that he should avoid trying to influence the choreography this week. Billy Ray pretends he still wants to be there. Poor Karina tries to teach him the steps, but you know, she's only got so much to work with. Billy Ray still really wants an 8.
Karina and Billy Ray are doing the foxtrot, which should be...interesting. Billy Ray is all cowboyed up this week, as they dance to "Stand By Your Man." Bless his heart, he's trying, but he's just so far below the talent level of the remaining contestants. He doesn't do too badly when they break apart, but when they are together, he just looks so awkward. At one point, he sort of tries to drag Karina across the floor, and it goes wrong, but Karina saves it at the end.
Judge time! Carrie Ann is amazed they are still in the competition, and she praises his improvement, but in the end, his technique is not up to par. Len thinks it had the most content of any dance he's done, and that he did all the right steps, but at the wrong times. Bruno thinks that Billy Ray is "deliciously awful," which Carrie Ann objects to. Bruno thinks that they are getting to the end and need to be honest, because "it was crap." Ooh! My three-year-old nephew told me just yesterday that "crap" is a bad word. Good thing he can't read these recaps. Backstage, Billy Ray lashes out and says that Bruno calling him crap is "the pot calling the kettle black." That doesn't even make sense. So he's saying Bruno is crap? A crap dancer? I don't know. Their scores are a 7, a 6, and a 5 from Bruno for a total of 18 out of 30. Ouch. OUUUUUUCH. I mean, I get why Billy Ray is angry, but seriously. He's not good. Are the judges supposed to lie? I guess Bruno could have been more tactful, though. But is it fair to give Billy Ray a score even close to what Ian or Joey got? I don't think it is.
Anyway, let's move on. Laila and Maksim are dancing and dedicating their performance to Laila's mother and father, Muhammad Ali. Oh. We all know that Mr. Ali is suffering from pugilistic Parkinson's syndrome, and he doesn't look great. But he gets a standing ovation from the audience, which is nice. During rehearsal, Laila and Maksim have a very staged conversation about how their waltz needs to be elegant, because Laila's dad is not comfortable with the "nasty, spicy stuff." Laila explains that her father said he was proud of her from Week One. Laila talks about how proud she is of both her parents. Maksim says that he wants to tell Laila's dad that she can dance. Laila dedicates the dance to her father and hopes it makes him smile.
Laila has a beautiful red dress on; it's a great color for her. They do sort of a Sleeping Beauty thing, where Laila starts out "sleeping," and then Maksim dances over to her and they start waltzing. At one point, Laila blows a kiss to her father in the audience. It's very graceful, and they execute a spin that seems very difficult before Laila ends up sleeping back on the pillow. They get a standing ovation. Tom decides that every season has a moment, and he thinks that was "the moment" for this season. I guess I'm made of stone, because I wasn't THAT moved.
Len thought it was beautiful, but that Laila needs to work on her posture. Bruno pretty much agrees. Carrie Ann loved the emotion Laila brought to the dance. Backstage, Laila says that her mother has been there every week, but that it was really special to have her father there. The judges give them a 9, a 9, and a 9 for a total of 27 out of 30. Laila is happy with that.
Last week, Apolo and Julianne were hurt by Len's comments, so it has inspired them to do really, really well this week. Apolo thinks the choreography Julianne has come up with is better than ever, and what we're seeing them rehearse does look pretty exceptional. Apolo wants to blow our minds. Way to manage expectations, dude.
Ooh, they're dancing the tango to "Jesse's Girl." Love that song, but interesting choice. Hey, they should have Rick Springfield on the show season! THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! I don't know much about the tango, but the footwork looks pretty impressive to me! The audience seemed to like it, so much that one woman jumped up and the back of her head blocked the camera for a minute.
Before Tom can even announce it, Bruno starts yelling and screaming about inventive the choreography was, and Carrie Ann adds that everything was fabulous. And now to Len. He thinks it lacked passion and drama, and even Tom goes over and pretends to swat him with the cards. The audience is booing so loud that Len can't even talk, and Bruno is making the crazy sign with his fingers. Len thinks it was too hectic, because the tango should be a passionate slow dance. Okay, sometimes Len is too cranky and old even for me. Tom jokes that it's past Len's bedtime, and Len chuckles. I thought Bruno and Len were going to come to blows. Controversy! I love it! And now to the scores: it's a 10, an 8, and a 10. But wait! It says 9 on the screen for Carrie Ann? Samantha explains that Carrie Ann keyed in a 9, and then held up the wrong paddle. They go back to Tom, and Carrie Ann says that she meant to give them a 10, so Tom promises that they'll get it straightened out on the break. Tom also apologizes for hitting Len. It's getting CRAZY! This show is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This show is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
When we return, Tom explains that there was a problem with Carrie Ann's computer, but that she intended to give Apolo and Julianne a 10, so that's the score they will get, and their total is now 28. So here's the rankings after one round of dancing: Apolo and Julianne lead with 28, then Laila and Maksim have 27, Joey and Kym have 26, Ian and Cheryl have 22 and Billy Ray brings up the rear with 18. Moving on to the Latin round.
Ian and Cheryl are doing the rumba to..."Imagine"? Wha? Seriously? This is dumb. This isn't a sensual song, but they're doing sensual moves and it's freaking me out a little bit. I think this was a huge miscalculation. I was sure Billy Ray was going this week, but now I'm not so sure.
Judging time: Carrie Ann thinks Ian was faking the passion a bit too much. I think she just said he was gay. Or that he doesn't find Cheryl attractive, at least. Len says that Ian is not natural enough, and seems to be concentrating too much on the steps still. Bruno liked it a lot, and thinks Ian is having a comeback. The scores come back 8, 8, and 9, for a total of 25 on this dance and an overall total of 47 out of 60. I have not voted this season, and I thought about voting for Ian, but I'm down on him a bit now. I like him as a person, but this wasn't his best week.
Joey and Kym are back to dance the mambo. Kym looks like Mambo Barbie for this one. I don't know who dresses her, but it's bad. I also don't really understand what makes this a mambo. They do a lot of spinning that looks impressive and complicated, and the audience digs it the most.
Len notes that they danced on the second beat, which is difficult, but he wonders why they spend so much time between each other's legs. Bruno says that they pimped the mambo. Carrie Ann thinks the competition might be in the bag for them. I do wonder if people might not vote for them because (a) Joey can be smarmy, or (b) they make it look easy. Backstage, Samantha wonders Kym and Joey can keep stepping it up week after week, and Joey gives props to professional dancers who do this all the time. The scores are in: 10, 9, and 10 for a total of 29 for this round. Their overall score is 55 out of 60.
Billy Ray and Karina are dancing the mambo now. Billy Ray still doesn't have the hang of staying on his toes at all; he's dancing like Master P. Karina is spinning all over the place trying to draw your eye away from how bad he is. Even my husband glances up and goes, "Ugh. It's bad." Billy Ray gets to shake Muhammad Ali's hand.
Judging time. Bruno thinks Billy Ray is "a wild beast that cannot be tamed," which is good and bad. Carrie Ann thinks Billy Ray might encourage others to try dancing, and claims that's a compliment. Len tries to say kindly that their other dance was good, but that this one was just weird. Seriously. If Billy Ray doesn't go home, I don't know what. I will feel really badly for whoever goes home before him. Backstage, Billy Ray is still harping on how rude the judges were earlier. Karina thinks it wasn't very constructive. Samantha has to rip the microphone away from Billy Ray, and it's starting to get a little scary back there. I don't think Billy Ray understands what the word "judge" means. Anyway, the scores are in, and Kym and Billy Ray get a 6, 7, and 7 for a total of 20. Really? Bruno gave them a higher score for this dance than the first one? Their overall total is 38 out of 60.
Laila and Maksim are back to do the jive to one of my favorite all-time songs, "Bad Bad Leroy Brown" by Jim Croce. They do a too-long skit before the actual dancing starts, but once it does start, it's quite good. Laila is the opposite of Billy Ray â she does better dancing with Maksim than when she's alone. She loses her posture when she's on her own.
Judge time. Carrie Ann thinks it was great. Len also thought the pre-dance skit business was too long. Bruno kind of agrees, since Maksim has such a great partner who can handle the additional steps. Backstage, Maksim gets all sentimental about how much he enjoyed dancing the waltz with Laila, and she's like, "Whatever, fool, let's hear our scores." The judges give them a 9, 8, and 9 for a total of 26 for this round. Their overall total is 53 out of 60.
Apolo and Julianne are going to finish it off with a paso doble. They try to do a sliding thing that doesn't quite work, but their leaps come off well, and then the song is somehow a Latinized version of "My Darling Clementine." Huh?
Len loved it. Bruno loved it MORE and he will YELL ABOUT IT. Carrie Ann got chills and thought it was fabulous. Backstage, there's only time for the scores: 10, 10, and 10 for a perfect 30. My husband loves how Apolo gets so excited and yowls at his score. Sam asks them how it feels to be known as "the cute couple." Apolo loves the chance to perform this way. Julianne repeats what we heard earlier about how they were motivated by the judge's harsh comments. While Apolo was talking, I noticed that I couldn't see Billy Ray in the waiting room with the other couples. He could have just been offscreen, though. Anyway, Apolo and Julianne have an overall total of 58 out of 60, which is insane.
Billy Ray is out there for the final shot, wearing sunglasses. The current leaderboard looks like this: Apolo and Julianne in the lead with 58, followed by Joey and Kym with 55. are Laila and Maksim with 53, and Ian and Cheryl with 47. Billy Ray and Karina bring up the bottom with 38. Tomorrow night: Nelly Furtado! Maksim and his brother dance against each other! Billy Ray might completely lose his mind! Don't miss it!