| Season 15 | Episode 1
It's the first All-Star season. I remember when, in interviews, Tom Bergeron always used to say that if they did an All-Star season, it was because they had run out of ideas and were desperate. Sooo......
Congratulations to Tom Bergeron on his Emmy win for hosting. It is so well-deserved; he is one of the only things about this show that I actually still respect. Certainly not the producers, the judges, the band, or Brooke. The couples all come down the stairs and, watching them, I try to decide who I'm going to root for. Maybe Drew. Maybe Gilles. Maybe Emmitt. Maybe Apolo. That's about it. There are some people I'm rooting against (Bristol, Kirstie, Helio), and then the rest are neutral, at least until they piss me off or impress me.
First to dance tonight is Joey Fatone, who's partnered with Kym once again. I do not at all understand how they decided to let some people keep their old partners and some people had to have new partners. I get that not everyone could get their old partners - some people have left the show, some people had multiple returning partners - so they should have just made everyone have a new partner. It seems sort of like cheating. Anyway, Joey reminds us that he came in second on his season, and was beaten by Apolo Ohno. So he's got revenge on his mind. In rehearsals, Joey asks Kym to give him the most difficult cha cha steps she's got, and they'll figure out if he can do it or not. They have lots of mishaps while practicing; can they pull it together for the actual routine?
Joey's feet are quick and he's got a great sense of rhythm. I mean, obviously. You can't make it to the finals and be completely horrible. You can be not great, but you can't be completely horrible. His posture is pretty good and he's got good hip action. The one flaw I see is one I remember from his first season - he's pigeon toed and his foot placement isn't as precise as it could be. He sometimes substitutes style for technique. But it's fun to watch and he and Kym have great chemistry.
Judges? Len reveals that this season, the judges will be allowed to use half points in their scores. Oh, don't make Brooke do that math. Len says that Joey has great energy, but needs to watch his posture and footwork. Bruno reminds Joey that his posture needs to stay true to the style he's dancing, and he needs to watch his footwork. Carrie Ann thought it was a great way to start off the All-Star season. Tom totally cuts Carrie Ann off; she obviously had a BUT to add there. Scores: Carrie Ann 6.5, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Carrie Ann adds that she had a lot more to say and hopes she can explain later.
| Season 15 | Episode 1
Judges? Len thought it was mostly good, although Helio's feet were a little pigeon-toed (my pet peeve). Bruno thinks Helio has a great stage presence, which made up for some small errors. Carrie Ann thinks it's a joy to have Helio back (for whom?) but he needs more body contact in his routines. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7.5, and Bruno 7. Mmm. I guess. I am always going to begrudge his scores, I think.
Here's the star that came back and everyone is like, "Huh?" Pamela Anderson. She didn't even make the finals of her season. She's partnered with Tristan, who I love. He's not a jerk like Maks has become, but he's not an annoying clean-cut hyper dancer like Mark or Derek. He's a good dancer, but humble, but also sexy. Yeah, I said it. Anyway, Pam knows she has to work hard because there are former champions and Olympic athletes in her competition. And she seems to take it seriously, so far.
They're starting out with the cha cha. She looks great and they're dancing to Amy Winehouse's "You Know I'm No Good." However. The dancing. I won't say it's no good, but it's got problems. Pamela misses a few steps early on, and she seems tentative the rest of the time. It's like she's not sure of the moves, so she doesn't fully commit. The few times that she does, she looks great. I think she's got potential. I don't know if she's going to be able to stick around long enough to realize it.
Judges? Bruno says that Pamela has to put the work in if she wants to make it far, although he thinks Pamela has potential. Pamela nods and says that she knows, and she will. Carrie Ann loved that Pamela showed the drama of the routine on her face, but she needs to work on her technique. Len thought it was a little shaky, but she got through it. That's faint praise in an All-Stars season. Pam looks chagrined. Scores: Carrie Ann 5.5, Len 5.5, and Bruno 6. The audience is stunned, but seriously. That's fair. She was not good. You can't score potential.
I totally forgot Melissa was back. Man, all three finalists from her season (Gilles and Shawn) are back. That was a close season. Anyway, Melissa is back with Tony, and they vow to do more and work hard so they don't get stuck in third place again. She is just really boring. I have no interest in her. Anyway, they have the foxtrot. They're dancing to "Hey Big Spender" and I just don't buy Melissa as the seductress she's supposed to be portraying in this routine. She's a great dancer, but I'm not buying the performance. She's too sunny and cheerleader-y.
| Season 15 | Episode 1
Judges? Carrie Ann loves Fosse, and thinks Melissa has beautiful lines and posture, but she wants to see more body contact in ballroom. Len thought it was a little theatrical by his standards but her lines and extensions were great. Bruno loves the fluidity and thought she looked sassy and sexy, but she needs a stronger frame in hold. Well, at least I know why they're getting points taken off. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Seems like the baseline this week is 7.
Apolo is partnered with Karina this time around. His season was so long ago that I can't remember if he was actually good or not. He's short. He had a lot of energy. He still has that terrible facial hair. Why does he have it? What does it do for him besides make it look like he goes to a waxer for lady parts? Apolo and Karina are dancing the cha cha. Hmm. Apolo seems just a little behind the beat, like he's always trying to catch up. It's a fast, fast routine, but maybe they should have slowed it down just a tiny bit. Apolo does still have great hip action and arm extension. He also needs to cut his hair as it kept flopping in his face. He really just needs a personal stylist because his hair and his whatever that thing is on his face are out of date.
Judges? Len doesn't think it was a gold-medal performance, but it might have taken the bronze. The hip action wasn't great, but Apolo sold it. Bruno thinks Apolo's extensions were "exquisite," but his foot placement wasn't perfect. Carrie Ann thought it was really sexy. Really? He's like a tiny pixie. That just doesn't do it for me. Scores: Carrie Ann 7.5, Len 7, and Bruno 7.5. Overscored.
Ooh, Gilles. You are one of my all-time favorites. This time, he's partnered with Peta, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Peta does, and she thinks she's hit the jackpot. Gilles thinks he and Peta have great chemistry. I think Gilles could have great chemistry with a potted plant. He's just sexy.
They have the foxtrot, which is a great dance for Gilles, with his long arms and legs and vintage movie star looks. God, his lines are AMAZING. His arms are so graceful and his posture is also great. I fear I might be gushing. Judges? Bruno thought he had style, flash, and panache, and was so good technically. Carrie Ann says she missed him. Me too, girl! It's nice to see a guy who can dance. Len liked the balance and sophistication of the routine. Loved it. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. More than fair.
Ugh, Bristol Palin. Why? Why bother? The Palins aren't the newsmakers they once were. And she was not ever a good dancer. Ever. At her best, she was mediocre. Anyway, she's partnered with Mark again, because who else is she going to get? I would pay money to see her partnered with Maks, actually. Okay, I'll say this. She's improved. She's lost some of her self-consciousness and actually looks like she's having some fun out there. However, she's just not a dancer, and you can't make a non-dancer into a dancer. If she were starting from scratch on a regular season, she could easily make it past the halfway point, and deservedly so. But on an All-Star season? After what we just saw from Sabrina and Shawn and Gilles? No effing way.
| Season 15 | Episode 1
Judges? Carrie Ann is taken aback, and thinks Bristol is the most improved, especially her confidence, but she needs to be sharper. Len also liked her confidence and her legs, but she needs more fluidity in her arms. Bruno tells Bristol that she's "refreshed, revived, refurbished." Was that a reference to her plastic surgery? Bruno thinks she needs power and focus. Scores: Carrie Ann 6.5, Len 6.5, and Bruno 6.5. Well, if the baseline is 7, she was just below average, so that's fair.
Drew Lachey won the second season with Cheryl, but now he's partnered with Anna, who tells him that the show is much harder and more intense. She's not wrong, but Drew thinks he can hang with the best. We'll see. This really is a different show from the early seasons. And Drew's "Save a Horse" freestyle is overrated. Yeah, I said it. Hmm. This is weird. Drew looks really, really nervous. One of his strengths was always that he's a great performer, even if his technique is not quite there. He is also a miniature person, by the way. Anyway, he seems really nervous and stiff, and he gets ahead of the beat. Anna tries to get him to loosen up by making big faces at him, but he's just timid. And I don't get why, because he's really talented and the few big moves he makes look good. Odd.
Judges? Len says he liked it but Drew was too stiff, even though he was precise. Bruno thought it was dynamic and they had good chemistry, although Drew did stiffen up a bit in parts. Carrie Ann thought his posture was fabulous, but he needs to work on being "firm but not rigid." Tom, being a pro, lets that one lie. I don't usually comment on Brooke's post-dance interviews because they are stupid, but I have to say Drew answered her dumb questions like a pro, was smart about it and entertaining, but didn't stumble. I seriously don't know why they don't let him co-host, except that he doesn't have boobs. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7.5. Average. Maybe a slight overscore.
Kelly Monaco won the first season. She wasn't that good. I will say this - she only had six weeks. Maybe she would have been better with more time. And I won't even get into the controversy where she might not have actually been the winner, since the show's obviously not going to go there. All I remember from the first season is Joey McIntyre's buns. Sorry. Anyway, Kelly is partnered with Val and all they can talk about is their sexual tension, which means they don't have any.
They have the cha cha. Kelly definitely has a strong stage presence and an amazing body. Her dancing is good but not great and I'm having trouble pinpointing why. Her shoulders are a little high and she gets off balance at times. She's just mediocre to me. Maybe the judges will have more specific critiques. Bruno thinks Kelly is sexier and hotter than ever, and he's amazed that she's never done this dance before. Carrie Ann can't believe how hot their chemistry is, but Kelly needs to lengthen her legs. Len doesn't think Kelly was this good in her season, and advises her to lower her shoulders. Well, the judges loved it. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7.5. Man, for all their gushing, I thought the scores would be higher.
| Season 15 | Episode 1
Gah, Kirstie and Maks. These two could just fall in a hole as far as I'm concerned. I'm still grossed out by Kirstie's terrible horsehair extensions and I don't know why she doesn't put her goddamned hair up in rehearsals. They're always in her mouth or stuck to her face. Anyway, they have the foxtrot. Kirstie has exactly the same strengths and weaknesses she had during her first time around: she's really graceful and quick on her feet, but she's got zero flexibility, so she can't bend her back as she should.
Judges? Carrie Ann loves how Kirstie feels the music and tells a story, but she needed to turn it up just a bit. Len tells Kirstie to lift up her rib cage and be more refined. Bruno loves how Kirstie emotes, but she does need to work on the technique. And then Kirstie gives Tom a full-on kiss on the lips. Whoa! Kirstie, he is a married man! Wow, she is so "outrageous." Spare me. Scores: Carrie Ann 6.5, Len 6, and Bruno 6.5. Those were fair. Maks was just steering her around the floor like furniture.
Emmitt and Cheryl are the final couple to dance. I'm not sure I ever thought Emmitt had great technique, despite the fact that he won his season. Latin is his strength though, because the man can groove. And he sparkles. I'm looking forward to see how he does in his cha cha. His feet are as fast as ever, and he's got good hip action, but Emmitt's a little older and a little thicker in the middle now (aren't we all?) and it shows in his dancing. He's good, but he's got to work to be as good as his competition.
Judges? Len thinks you can't teach flair, and Emmitt has it, and it was the best dance of the evening. Eh, Gilles and some of the ladies were better. Bruno thought it was fun and enjoyable. Carrie Ann thinks Emmitt was born to dance and Twinkle Toes is back. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8.5, and Bruno 8. Whaaat? I like Emmitt a lot, and that was a joy to watch, but that's a lot of points.
Someone will be eliminated tomorrow night. I hope it's Kirstie or Bristol and not Pamela. I think that's the best Bristol will ever be, and I think Pamela will improve. I'll predict a final of Gilles, Emmitt, and probably Sabrina? It's tough to say, though. Fanbases can surprise you. We'll find out something tomorrow night. Here's your leaderboard.
Emmitt and Cheryl: 24.5
Gilles and Peta: 24
Sabrina and Louis: 22.5
Apolo and Karina: 22
Shawn and Derek: 22
Helio and Chelsie: 21.5
Drew and Anna: 21.5