By LuluBates
After his attempted seppuku, the noble Uncle Pete was rushed to the hospital by the FBI, who continue their questionable behavior by immediately calling Ellen to tell her the news. Pete’s hospitalization and suicide note has Patty stumped. She knows he was up to something, but what? The fact that he brought fake clients home isn’t helping clear things up, either. But Patty isn’t feeling particularly suspicious, she’s just sad that her Uncle Pete is dying.
When Patty’s husband gives her the news that UNR is expecting an influx of capital, crafty lady that she is she puts together the douchey energy trader, the falling stock price and the merger and realizes that Walter Kendrick is somehow manipulating the energy markets. Luckily, Tom is all over the hooker beat and manages to scare the pants off Susie (no money required!) in an attempt to convince her to rat on Finn, the aforementioned douchey energy trader.
Meanwhile, Cheeseburger continues his assault on Frobisher, trying to get him to withdraw from the UNR lawsuit and get out of the damn media spotlight already. When Frobisher still insists on making amends and walking the path of the righteous, Cheeseburger pays a visit to his bunny-petting guru (not a euphemism). After the guru switches teams, Frobisher makes amends to a hooker in the back of a limo, and withdraws from the lawsuit. Does this mean Frobisher is off the show again? Somehow I doubt it.
Patty’s day isn’t getting any better. In fact she is having a giant ice cream sundae of Suck. First it turns out that her husband is taking insider trading tips from Lester, a.k.a. Dave, then he bought stock in UNR. WTF Phil? Then, as Uncle Pete wakes up, he reveals that the FBI has him over a barrel: either give them Patty or go to jail and away from his dying wife. Patty tells him to go ahead and give her up. The whipped cream of misery on that sundae of suck is that Frobisher had a Cheeseburger conversion and is pulling out of the lawsuit. Patty claims she doesn’t care because there are new potential plaintiffs, but you know she does. She really does. The cherry of doom on top of that sucky ice cream sundae? Pete’s hired gun, Patrick, gets wind of Pete’s imminent demise and rushes to his bedside only to find out that Pete is actually on the mend. Patrick can’t risk Pete having a deathbed conversion and telling the FBI about their attempted murder of Ellen, so he takes matters into his own hands and poisons Pete. So long, Uncle Pete! Maybe for real this time. Unless it turns out Aricite actually reanimates the dead, like in Resident Evil. Raccoon City might be in West Virginia, right?
Ellen is being haunted by David, giving further (and completely unmerited) credence to my thoughts on Aricite. Her interactions with his ghost send her running back to grief counseling and closer to Wes.
Three months later, Pete’s wife finds a box of files with Ellen Parsons' name on it, so she decides to meet Ellen and give her the files. Hey, they have her name on it, right? Cut to her waving her gun in the air talking to a blurry person. The blurry person becomes un-blurry and it’s: Patty! Whoa. Patty is begging Ellen not to shoot her. Ellen admits that the gun is not even loaded. Then Ellen pulls out the file Pete’s wife gave her, and Patty breaks the Botox barrier and looks shocked, then... two gunshots. Good thing we all know Ellen is a shite shot. But, man, Patty’s day sucks.
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