In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Noooo! Tommy's the one who bit the bullet! The one young male who wasn't obsessed with Elena and now he's gone. Rebecca calls some mystery person and orders a body disposal service like it was pizza delivery.
Bobby makes a full and super speedy recovery from his aneurysm. Does he slow down or relax so that he doesn't get sick again? No, he gets right back to work proving J.R. stole Southfork. Meanwhile, John Ross is so happy about getting a fresh start that he goes ahead and rents a new office for Ewing Energies. He also proposes to Elena and presents her with an oil-colored diamond ring. She accepts even though she's still making eyes at Christopher. Christopher reacts to the news with a moment of sadness, even though he's just recommitted himself to Rebecca and started wearing his wedding ring again. They are awful people, even standing in a room full of con artists.
Things start to fall apart pretty quickly. Christopher, thinking that Tommy is a danger to Rebecca, finds the motel room he'd been renting. He gets there just in time to intercept a call from Tommy's real sister, who is also named Rebecca. What an odd coincidence. Christopher threatens to send (his) Rebecca to jail and take the twins from her when they're born. At the same time, Elena overhears a meeting between John Ross, J.R. and Bobby's lawyer. They've recovered videos from Veronica/Marta's cloud drive that detail every bit of the dirty deal. John Ross tries to explain and/or lie his way out of the situation, but Elena's done. Then she sends her mother to break up with him because she's too busy having sad-faced sex with Christopher.
John Ross and J.R. work out some kind of miracle deal where they get total immunity in exchange for handing over Vicente. John Ross hardens his heart and asks J.R. to teach him all the dirty business tactics he knows so that he can take Ewing Energies away from Christopher and Elena. How is that even still a thing now?
In other plots, when Harris Ryland continues to be a pest, Ann and her bra ride to Sue Ellen's rescue. Rebecca's mystery person turns out to be Frank Ashkani. Why would he be helping her? Because he's working for Cliff Barnes and Cliff Barnes – wait for it – is Rebecca's father. Dun, dun, DUN! There is going to be so much fallout season. Stay tuned for the full weecap.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Tommy falls in slow motion to the floor, blood spraying from his bullet wound onto the carpet. Rebecca stands over him, gun still in her hand, crying. She picks up her phone and dials. "I'm in trouble," she sobs. She scrubs blood from the floor and then some men from Corpse-B-Gone show up to cart Tommy's body away. (Their motto: "If we haven't gotten rid of your murder victim in 30 minutes or less, your order is free!") Adios, Tommy. You were kind of interesting and now you're dead.
Everyone else gathers at the hospital to await the results of Bobby's surgery. The doctor gives them the good news that they successfully treated the aneurysm. They even went through his femoral artery so that they wouldn't have to disturb his treasured mane. Now they just have to wait for him to wake up to see if there's any brain damage. J.R.'s not one for waiting though, and goes on in to see his baby bro. A nurse tries to shoo him away, but you know what doesn't work. With hat literally in hand, he approaches Bobby's bedside. "Wake up and get better. You keep fighting. You keep fighting me." He seems frailer and older than he has before, even accounting for Larry Hagman's health. "I'm gonna tell you something you've never heard me say before: I love you, Bobby, and I don't know who I'd be without you." Aw. Interestingly enough, this doesn't conflict with his actions later in the episode. J.R. doesn't know who he'd be without Bobby... to fight him.
In the waiting room, John Ross gets a call from Vicente. He's at Christopher's methane test rig in the Gulf. That was quick. It would be nice to have more of a sense of time on this show. It feels kind of insular at times without that context. Vicente wants answers about the rig, but John Ross just gets snitty with him.
Rebecca arrives at the hospital, all flustered and in tears. Christopher reassures her, assuming she's upset over Bobby's illness. Then he notices the bruises on her face and throat. "Did someone hurt you? Was it Tommy?" She admits they had a fight. "But he's gone for good," she says. She has Corpse-B-Gone's guarantee on that. (Their backup motto: "Our customers keep coming back, because we make sure their murder victims don't!") Christopher says to Rebecca that he wants to protect her and asks her to tell him if Tommy tries to get in touch with her. As long as she doesn't bust out the Ouija board, I think she's okay. She notices that Christopher is wearing his wedding band again. She says she'll start wearing hers again, which is going to be a nice trick. When she leaves to get Christopher some coffee, he asks John Ross to get Bum to look for Tommy.
Rebecca goes to some little fleabag motel off the interstate. Is she still getting Christopher that coffee? Also, why does she have the key card to Tommy's motel? While she digs through the room, the phone rings, startling her. She ignores it and keeps digging. She finds pictures of her and Tommy kissing, which she tears up and flushes down the toilet. No sign of her rings. She calls Corpse-B-Gone. "Where did you put Tommy's body? There's something I need to find."
Bobby wakes up to find Ann and Christopher asleep at his bedside. "Were you two planning on sleeping all day?" he asks. They jump up, thrilled to discover he's not a rutabaga. Hugs and kisses all around.
Tommy has been stashed in the back of a van in an empty airplane hangar. Rebecca takes a couple of breaths and starts undoing the plastic wrap around his body and getting her fingerprints all over everything. It would have been awesome if he'd grabbed her hand. Alas, he seems to be really and truly dead and just lies there as she scrounges through his pockets. She comes up with a pawnshop receipt for her rings. All this trouble. Seems like it would have been easier to just buy new ones.
John Ross shows Elena the new office space he's rented for Ewing Energies. It's in the same space that Ewing Oil used to occupy. Seems like bad juju to start your new company in the place where the old company was fraught with such turmoil, especially when you say you want a fresh start. But... whatever. John Ross is like an adorably excited puppy as he shows off for Elena. At the end of the tour, he presents Elena with a brown diamond ring. "When I saw this ring, it reminded me how light reflects off oil. When I was a kid, I remember the first time I saw that; I thought nothing could be more beautiful. Then I saw you." He gets down on one knee and asks her to marry him. She laughs and accepts and they laugh together and hug.
I had a minor epiphany when John Ross gave Elena that oil-colored diamond ring and compared her beauty to that of sweet, light crude. Perhaps the reason Elena doesn't seem like a fully realized character is that she isn't meant to be one. She is the walking, talking personification of oil. Where Bobby and J.R. battled over Ewing Oil, Christopher and John Ross battle over Elena. The plot flip-flopped on Elena's love interests as it did over who would control the mineral rights to Southfork. She rolled back and forth between Christopher and John Ross like a barrel of oil, and with no more personality or ability to determine direction. She's a goal to be fought over, a prize to go to battle for, but nothing herself without the worth ascribed to her by others. Of course, I'm probably reading too much into it, in which case the writing for this character has been simply atrocious and hinging so much of the plot on her has been a big mistake.
Rebecca finds the pawn shop, but her rings have already been sold to someone. She gives the broker a wad of cash to get the rings back from the buyer.
Christopher arrives at the new office space to find John Ross and Elena already drinking celebratory champagne. Christopher is actually very touched to learn that John Ross has rented the space for them. Then he sees the ring on Elena's finger and the smile drops right off his face. He eventually recovers and congratulates them, even as he and Elena trade wistful looks. John Ross wants to hurry up and get working so that they can pay off Vicente and get Christopher off the hook, but Christopher wants to wait. He says the lawyers may have something they can use against Vicente. For some reason, John Ross doesn't seem worried.
Rebecca sits in the Condo of Death, replaying Tommy's shooting in her mind. She jumps when Christopher walks in. He comes bearing Chinese food. "I told you I wanted a fresh start," he says. "And what better way to start over than when we were dating?" he asks. You mean when Rebecca first conned you? What an odd place to restart. These people all have weird ideas about starting fresh. They kiss and he notices she's not wearing her rings. She makes some excuse about her fingers being too swollen.
J.R. drops by Bobby's hospital room just as the lawyer is leaving. "You know you've hit a new low when even a lawyer won't take the time to insult you," J.R. says when the guy just scowls at him. Bobby's not terribly happy to see him, either. J.R. may have signed over the deed, but they're still in debt to Vicente. J.R. maintains his innocence, but Bobby isn't buying it. He's now seen the files on Marta's cloud drive, including video of her conspiring with J.R. "I've got you dead to rights, brother." He's totally going to give himself another aneurysm.
As Bobby's checking out of the hospital, Sue Ellen and Ann catch up. Sue Ellen says she's going to announce she's dropping out of the race. "I crossed the line with John Ross and I'm prepared to live with those consequences," she says. Ann almost starts crying. "You can't let Ryland win," she says. Is it odd that she calls her ex by his last name? Sue Ellen seems determined to carry through with her plan. Ann goes from crying to looking determined.
John Ross and Christopher shoot some hoops in front of Southfork. J.R. drives up with Bobby's lawyer, which makes John Ross suspicious.
Elena has coffee with her mom and shows her the ring. Carmen isn't too keen on John Ross, but admits she's been warming up to him lately. Elena goes to get John Ross so that Carmen can tell her that himself.
The lawyer tells John Ross that the videos they've found prove that he's the one who brought Veronica/Marta into the deal. "You have no way to hide from this anymore," he says. Elena stops outside the study just in time to overhear all the nitty-gritty, including the bit about John Ross asking Veronica to impersonate Marta. John Ross turns to Christopher for help, but Christopher never passes up a chance to shout. Why is he acting so surprised? He's known all along that John Ross knew Marta as Veronica thanks to the World's Tamest Sex Tape. John Ross offers to confess to the whole thing as long as nobody ever tells Elena about it. Nobody needs to tell her, because she's standing right there. "You lied about everything," she says. She makes the same exact face when she's feeling sad and betrayed as when she's about to have sex with someone.
She runs off and John Ross chases after her. He tries to explain, saying he wants to be a better person for Elena, but she's not having it. She starts to take off her ring, but he asks her to wait. "I know you're angry... but meet me tomorrow at the Ewing Energies space. It'll be a new beginning for us." She holds off on returning the ring, but walks away.
Ann pays her ex a visit. She took the time to curl her hair, too. She tearfully admits defeat. "You sent me that necklace. You brought up the past, made me a wreck," she says. "And now Sue Ellen? I know you're blackmailing her just to get to me." Ryland doesn't try to deny most of Ann's accusations, but he says the Sue Ellen thing has nothing to do with her. He blabs his whole plan to her, then cozies up to her, implying he might change his mind if she's "in the mood" for something else. He starts to unbutton her blouse. She snatches his hand away and does it herself as Ryland looks on with lip-smacking lechery. She reveals her lacy purple bra... and the tiny microphone therein. Ha! "You make a move against me, Sue Ellen, or any member of my family... you're goin' to jail." Ryland somehow does not die outright from the sheer intensity of her glare. He makes like he's going to grab the microphone, so she punches him in the face. Is it fantastic? It is Ann-tastic! As he stands there bleeding, she tosses in one last threat about the business end of her shotgun and storms off.
Frank Ashkani is at Casa de Cano. He's working on Cliff Barnes's behalf, buying both Vicente's lien on Southfork as well as his share of the methane doohickey. An insane amount of money must be involved for Vicente to give up all the methane in South American waters. Federal agents interrupt before Vicente can sign the papers.
Sue Ellen and Ann meet at the park. Ann gives Sue Ellen the recording of Ryland blabbing all his dirty plans. Sue Ellen is confused. Ann declines to explain, saying, "What's important is that you stay in the race. The good people of Texas need you." I'm a Texan and I prefer my governors to be a little better at blackmailing, thank you very much.
Bobby confronts Vicente at the FBI office. Long story short: Vicente is screwed. They have signed confessions from John Ross and J.R, as well as video of Vicente's men killing Ver-Marta. John Ross and J.R. got total immunity for their confessions, which seems kind of iffy to me, but whatever. "You never should have touched a hair on my boy's head," J.R. says. "Remember, life in prison is cheap and I'm a very rich man." Vicente's like, "Dude, you borrowed money from me." As Vicente is carted off to jail, Bobby has some parting words for J.R. He reminds his big bro that he still has a copy of the cloud drive and will use it if J.R. ever tries to cross him again. But... doesn't J.R. already have immunity for everything on there?
Bobby and Christopher return home. John Ross is waiting for them. "I guess you heard what happened with Elena," he says. "You gonna tell me I got what I deserved?" "Elena deserved the truth," Christopher says. Then why didn't you tell her, you dolt? Christopher waggles his shaming finger at John Ross some more, but it doesn't have the smack-down value it should. Maybe if Christopher weren't so damned smug. Bobby encourages them to try to make their new business venture work. The doctors may have removed more than his aneurysm when they went into his brain.
Christopher gets a call from Bum. He's found Tommy's motel room. They find the place deserted and totally cleaned out. As they turn to leave, the phone rings. Christopher answers. The woman on the other end assumes he's Tommy and starts going on about Uncle Fred's heart attack. "Who is this?" Christopher asks. "What do you mean 'who is this'? It's your sister, Rebecca," says a blond who is definitely not the Rebecca we've come to know. Christopher tries to convey some emotions with his face.
He goes back to the Condo of Death. "I just spoke to Tommy's sister," he says to this other Rebecca. "The real Rebecca Sutter," he adds. That explains why the background check came back clean, if it was run on Tommy's actual sister. Shouting and crying ensue. Christopher calls her a liar, so she calls him one right back for being in love with Elena all along. Ugh. Christopher needed to be called out on this -- for all the wistful stares long before he knew about the con; for kissing Elena the day he learned of his father's cancer -- but it needed to come from someone whose opinion couldn't be discounted because her own sins are so much worse. Christopher threatens to send Rebecca to prison and take the babies. Rebecca threatens to send him to acting school.
Elena takes off her engagement ring and heads off to presumably to end things with John Ross. Alas, Christopher comes running up to her and starts rattling off their romantic timeline. It starts when they were kids and Christopher wanting to protect her after her father died. It should be sweet, but it makes one wonder how that stupid email could have had the power to break them up after all that history. Why would she have believed he sent it, or at least not confronted him? Why wouldn't he have looked harder for her after she didn't show up at the church? It's all so dumb. Christopher insists that he and Rebecca are through. He's made almost the same exact speech before and Elena's main concern was for the babies, but now that she's single, too, she's suddenly a lot more amenable. He gives her back her old engagement ring and makes some really horrible faces approximating crying.
Sue Ellen makes a big speech about the governor's race and the last few weeks that have been so difficult. She's staying in the race, so that'll be an arc for season. Meanwhile, John Ross waits in the new office space. Maybe he should have specified a time when asking Elena to meet him there. When the elevator dings, he gets all excited, but it's just Carmen. She gives him Elena's ring. What a douche move.
Rebecca returns to the airplane hangar. Now there's an airplane, onto which the hardworking men of Corpse-B-Gone load Tommy's remains. "Thank you for taking care of this," Rebecca says to her mystery person. It's Frank. "We told you not to hire the Sutter boy," he says. Wait, wait. Why was Tommy trying on his own to sell the methane doohickey to Frank? Was Frank trying to buy it out from under Cliff? Frank lectures her on her shitty conning abilities. "I know I screwed up," she says. "Don't explain it to me, explain it to your father," Frank says. She turns toward the plane. Cliff Barnes walks out. "You're just like your aunt Pamela," he says. "I couldn't trust her and I can't trust you." He's the one who bought the rings at the pawnshop, too. He says he'll give her one more chance to make him proud. They're going to take down Ewing Energies. He tells Frank to take care of Rebecca. "When the Ewings find out what's what, there's going to be a firestorm." Rebecca's all determined to do things right this time, now that Christopher has threatened to take the babies. "So, what's our first move, Miss Barnes?" Frank asks. Rebecca looks like she's having evil thoughts. Awesome.
For some reason, Christopher and Elena check into a hotel. Did she not want to get her own sheets dirty? She and Christopher were right there at her cottage. Elena makes lots of sad faces while they kiss. They're probably supposed to be passionate faces, but they are damned depressing. John Ross is still staring out his new office window. It's night. He's had all day to decide he didn't much care for being a good guy. J.R. shows up with glasses of whiskey. "You want in on Ewing Energies?" John Ross asks. "Then you stop teaching me about the oil business and start teaching me every dirty trick that you know." Well, for starters, make sure you're not being taped time and maybe don't work with such crazy people. John Ross promises to put his daddy back in the nursing home for good if he tries to screw him over again. Instead of being upset, J.R. smiles. "Now that's my son, from tip to tail." Johnny Cash tries to warn them off that path, but it'll have to wait for a future season. We're done with this one.
Email Tippi Blevins at b_tippi@yahoo.com, or find her on Twitter - @TippiB.
Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your show starts.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!