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Boy, John Ross is really deep into it, isn't he? It's hard to feel sorry for him when he brought most of his troubles on himself. Plus, it's actually entertaining, which is more than can be said for some of the show's other storylines. To start with, his cousin Christopher is still chasing after his girlfriend Elena. Then there's his father, who's still out of town and not returning any of his calls. Vicente grows ever more impatient about the drilling delays. He tells John Ross a story about a Venezuelan waltz that somehow becomes a metaphor for how ill-prepared John Ross is for all of this. To buy himself some time, he tells Vicente that Marta skimmed off money from the Southfork sale. When Marta is pursued by Vicente's men, she pretends to kidnap Elena in order to get John Ross to meet with her. He shows up, argues with her, notices the camera she's using to record everything and gets even angrier. Just as he leaves, the Venezuelans show up to toss Marta out the nearest window to her death. John Ross gapes at her dead body in front of a shocked crowd, then flees the scene in the guiltiest-looking way possible. He makes it home just long enough to give Elena a hug before the cops cart him away.
Now, for the rest of the show: Rebecca vomits in the middle of thanking Elena for all her help. Elena figures out she's pregnant and later tells Christopher when he shows up on her doorstep trying to be her boyfriend again. He pouts and stamps his feet and demands Rebecca agree to a paternity test. Ann is really mad at Christopher about all of it, like something about this hits home for her. It turns out that not only is Christopher the father, but she's having twins. As to why Ann seemed to take Rebecca's side so vehemently, we get another hint about her past. Harris Ryland files charges against Bobby for assaulting him in his office last week. He offers to drop the charges in exchange for an apology. When Bobby sits down for his dinner of crow, Ryland gives him an envelope full of Ann's secrets. Bobby tells Ann about it, tells her he loves her, and then drops the envelope into the fireplace without opening it. As the envelope burns away, it reveals an old photograph of Ann holding a baby.
Stay tuned for the full weecap.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Christopher rides a horse out to the ol' lovers' tree so he can stare wistfully at the carving of his and Elena's names. Then he makes a determined face and pays John Ross a visit. John Ross is in the middle of fussing at a lawyer about the mineral trust when Christopher walks into his bedroom/office. Why isn't this guy working out of his trailer office? John Ross sees his cousin gloating in the doorway and asks, "Don't you have some cows to go birth?" Heh. Christopher hands over the DVD of John Ross getting it on with Marta saying he could have used it, but didn't have to. Instead of being glad that loose end is all tied up, John Ross smirkily remembers their childhood basketball games. "I always knew if I let you score a few points, you'd get cocky and let your guard down." Um... yeah. John Ross really needs to be saying that to himself at this point. The two of them start bickering and then Christopher's all, "I hope you don't bring Elena into this!" even though John Ross didn't mention Elena at all. There must some kind of "mentions of Elena" quota they have to meet. Christopher walks back out of the office, stopping long enough to tell John Ross that he plans to fight for Elena. Way to give your enemy a heads up, doofus.
Rebecca goes over to Elena's cottage to thank her for the trip to the hospital. While she's giving Elena a gift basket, she starts feeling all barfy and runs into the bathroom. Elena watches her gagging over the toilet bowl and looks sad because she's realized that Rebecca is pregnant. Rebecca says she only found out at the hospital and hasn't been able to reach Christopher to tell him about it. Rebecca scampers away, saying, "I'm sorry I threw up in your bathroom!" Elena stands around looking devastated.
Ann hangs around at a playground, watching all the happy children and staring sadly at her mysterious locket. She gets a call from her husband. She lies and says she's out shopping. He looks worried, sensing the hesitation in her voice, but doesn't push.
John Ross takes his cousin Lucy out to brunch at the Omni Hotel. He regales her with a childhood story about the time she found him passed out on the floor, drunk after his first glass of bourbon. "You were half-ass gone on the floor!" Lucy says with a laugh. "And the first thing I thought was, 'Yep, he's his mama's son!'" This is in reference to Sue Ellen's alcoholism. What an odd thing to laugh about. John Ross gets to the point of their reunion: He wants her to ask Uncle Gary to let them drill on Southfork, since he's one of the heirs who's siding with Bobby. Lucy seems to be against that idea, but perks up with John Ross offers a stake in Ewing Oil.
Elena's working on her truck when Christopher shows up, being all flirtatious and stuff. She tries to get him to drop it, but he persists. Finally, Elena blurts out that Rebecca is pregnant. Christopher storms off, near tears.
Elsewhere on the ranch, Bobby is getting his ass arrested for assaulting Harris Ryland. I do like Bobby, but I laughed cheerfully at this development.
Down at the station, Bobby has some one-on-one time with his lawyer. "These charges are bullshit!" It's so weird to hear Bobby Ewing cussing. He rails about Ryland trying to get to Ann and then his lawyer interrupts him. He says Ryland will drop the charges if Bobby apologizes. Bobby looks like he'd rather take his pants off and ride a sandpaper saddle. His lawyer points out just how many friends Ryland has in government and big business. The implication, it seems, is that Ryland can make the Southfork mess even messier. Bobby changes the subject. "Where are we on trying to find J.R.? You said your investigators were checking out his phone records." The lawyer shrugs and says, "They found nothing eyebrow-raising." That's because J.R. doesn't raise eyebrows. His eyebrows raise you. The lawyer says they did find something on J.R's own investigator, Bum, although he doesn't say what that is.
Christopher confronts Rebecca at the condo they used to share. How is she paying for this on her own now? Christopher goes from a normal tone of voice to screeching like a banshee in no time. "You've been lying to me for the past two years! How am I supposed to trust a single word that comes out of your mouth?!" He probably types in all caps, too. Anyway, he doesn't believe she's really pregnant. Rebecca calmly explains that they're having a baby whether they're still married or not. "I really thought you'd be more adult about this," she says, having apparently never met her husband. But then she reminds him of what his own birth parents did to him, which is kind of a low blow.
He rushes back home to tell Bobby and Ann. They're a little hesitant to believe Rebecca would believe such a thing. When Christopher gets all shouty again, Ann suddenly busts out with, "That girl is trying to do right by you, and all you're being is spiteful and cruel!" Bobby is stunned. Christopher slinks off to lick his wounds. Bobby wonders if the flowers from her ex have something to do with his wife's mood, but she's doesn't want to talk about it. Bobby quietly confesses that he bitch-slapped Harris Ryland and now he's in trouble for it. He starts off sounding a little embarrassed, but when Ann doesn't take the news well, he gets defensive. Ann and her miles of legs stomp right the hell out of the room.
John Ross and Elena go out for dinner and reminisce about their first date. John Ross rips out his heart and slaps it on his sleeve. "I don't know what I would do without you, Elena. These days, I feel like I'm walking on shaky ground... but when I'm with you, everything is still." Elena looks sad and averts her gaze. Poor John Ross. Hopefully, he'll get a chance to call her out on treating him like the consolation prize. Just then, Marta walks by their table. John Ross makes some excuse and follows her out the door. When he gets out to the street, she's nowhere to be seen. He gets a call from one of Vicente Cano's men, ordering him to an emergency meeting.
At Casa de Cano, John Ross promises it will be just another couple of days before he can deliver the oil. Vicente doesn't buy it, and illustrates so with a story. "We have a dance in Venezuela called the joropo. It's like a waltz," he says, getting up from the table and making this recapper hopeful for a demonstration. He goes on to explain the mechanics of this very tricky dance. "It takes a very skilled dancer -- someone like me," he says. "My point is this: I can spot a good dancer when I see one, Mr. Ewing, and you? Are not a good dancer." Guitar music plays in the soundtrack. Why isn't this turning into a dance contest right now? John Ross puts on his tap shoes and offers Vicente some information in exchange for more time. He tells Vicente about Marta/Veronica skimming money from the fake Del Sol deal. He suggests Vicente get "his guys" to "spook" her. Why he thinks this would result in anything less than her death just goes to show how naïve he is. He's not only unprepared to dance with the criminal element, he isn't even ready to put his foot in the door. Vicente listens to all of this with a quiet but intense rage, then grants John Ross one more week.
John Ross crosses paths with Lucy the day just as she's leaving the ranch. Bobby happily tells him that Lucy is on his and Gary's side. John Ross pleads with Bobby to let him drill so he can pay off J.R.'s investors. He says all hell will break loose otherwise, but Bobby's probably envisioning something less than the truth.
John Ross goes to ask his mama for help. Sue Ellen suggests he ask Elena for the oil, from the Henderson drilling site. It's not like his investors really care where the oil comes from. John Ross is against the idea, not wanting to get Elena involved.
Bum calls J.R. with all the latest. Bum is pretty worried, but J.R. remains as cool as ever. "John Ross can handle himself. He's a chip off the old block." No, he's really not. The conversation turns to Cliff's driver, Frank Ashkani, except that's not even his real name. Cliff found him as a kid in Islamabad 30 years ago and somehow raised him in total secret during the timespan of the original show. Bud scoffs that the guy has an MBA and he's still working as Cliff's gofer. "A cheated man is a dangerous man," J.R. says with a twinkle. "Just ask my son."
Christopher goes with Rebecca to get a paternity test. He remembers the first time meeting her. "I thought you were so sweet, genuine." He's so much better when he's not shouting. She apologizes for what she said yesterday about his birth parents. She says she knows he wouldn't abandon anyone.
Sue Ellen takes Elena out for lunch. As often as people take her out to eat, you'd think she'd have a little meat on her bones, but whatever. Against her son's wishes, Sue Ellen asks Elena to loan John Ross some oil to appease his investors. Elena doesn't want to get into this whole mess between John Ross and the rest of the Ewings, so Sue Ellen basically threatens to pull all her funding from Elena's own drilling projects. She says this all in the most friendly way possible, of course, and it's pretty great. More of this Sue Ellen, please. After Sue Ellen leaves, Marta scowls at Elena from across the restaurant.
John Ross gets a call from Elena. Or, rather, from Marta on Elena's cell. She gives John Ross a hotel address and room number. She promises to hurt Elena unless he shows up. He rushes over there and finds Marta in a state of panic. Vicente's men are following her. She says she knows John Ross sold her out, but she doesn't care. John Ross ignores her as he frantically searches the room, finding no trace of Elena. "If you so much as scratch her, I will end you," he says.
We interrupt this suspenseful scene to follow Christopher to Elena's cottage. He knocks on the door as over-the-top dramatic music plays. Suddenly, an unharmed, unkidnapped Elena opens the door. She says something about not being able to find her phone. On to the subject of Rebecca's pregnancy, Elena says Christopher needs to do the right thing. "I still want to be with you," he pleads. "It doesn't matter what the test says, and I know some part of you still wants to be with me." Elena admits it, but doesn't want to get between him and his child. She sends Christopher on his way.
Bobby sits down with Harris Ryland and offers his most insincere apologies. Ryland knows full well that Bobby isn't really sorry, but this was more about making Bobby squirm. He drops the assault charges. At that point, Bobby promises another beat-down if Ryland messes with Ann in any way. Ryland gives him a sealed envelope, promising the contents will expose Ann for the kind of person she really is. "She's holding something back and you want to know what," Ryland says. "Here's your what." Bobby says he already knows what kind of person Ann is, but he sure does look tempted by that envelope.
Meanwhile, Marta and John Ross are still arguing when he realizes Marta never took Elena. He also realizes there's a small camera in the doorway, recording everything. "You're filming this? What did you think was gonna happen here? What is wrong with you!" He should have grabbed the camera at that point, but instead gets into a tussle with Marta. She scratches his neck. He throws her to the floor. He grabs Elena's phone out of Marta's purse and storms out of the room. He turns the corner before he can see two of Vicente's thugs coming down the hall.
Bobby returns home to find Christopher and Ann arguing. Ann defends Rebecca, with whom she clearly identifies for having hidden something in her own past. Bobby tucks the mystery envelope into a nook by the door. In the middle of this, the doctor calls to say that the paternity test results are back, but won't tell Christopher the verdict on the phone.
By the time John Ross makes his way downstairs, a sizable crowd has gathered outside the hotel. An alarm blares. John Ross looks toward the source of the noise and sees Marta sprawled across the roof of a car, her body broken and bloody. He gapes at her, then backs away. People give him suspicious looks. He scrambles for his car and peels out of the driveway.
Doctor's office. Christopher, you are the father! He looks devastated. He looks even sadder to learn Rebecca is having twins. (One of them is going to end up being someone else's, right?) Christopher joins Rebecca in the exam room while she's getting her ultrasound. She takes his hand. He's actually a little happy when he sees the two little lima beans on the monitor, but eventually pulls his hand away from Rebecca's. Ann, standing in the doorway, cries and leaves the room.
Later that night, Ann sits in front of a roaring fire, contemplating her locket again. Bobby walks in and presents her with the envelope. He tells her all about his visit to Ryland's office. "I'd be lying, Annie, if I said I didn't want to know what made you so upset," Bobby says. "I just wish you'd trust me enough to tell me." Maybe it's not about trust, dude. Maybe it just causes her too much pain. Ann cries. Bobby says he doesn't need to open the envelope. "Everything I need to know about you is right here," he says, touching her face. He drops the envelope into the fire. He totally should have given that envelope to her and let her decide what to do with it, but whatever. As the envelope burns away, its contents are revealed only to the audience: some newspaper clippings, a few photographs. One of them shows a young Ann cuddling a baby of unknown gender.
John Ross pulls up outside Elena's cottage and runs into her arms. He gives her several urgent kisses. "I know you're in trouble," she says. He's shocked, but she means the oil thing. She tells him about her meeting with Sue Ellen. Elena says she's going to help him. Their tender moment is interrupted when a police car drives up behind them, lights flashing. Bobby comes outside and reminds them that the charges against him were dropped. "Sir, we're not here for you," one cop says. They pass him by and head for John Ross, saying witnesses identified him at the scene of a crime. "This must be some mistake. What crime?" Elena asks. "The murder of Veronica Martinez," the other cop says. "I think you know her as Marta Del Sol." Dun, dun, DUN! John Ross is going to be adorable in prison orange!