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While pretending to help her shady brother look for a way to rip off the Ewings, Rebecca comes across a paper trail that uncovers Southfork's mineral rights. She turns Bobby and Christopher on to this trail, even if they aren't ready to forgive her for all the scamming and so forth. This eventually leads them to Jock Ewing's safe deposit box and the paperwork they need to stop the drilling. They triumphantly present this to John Ross, who's already got a heap of trouble to deal with. Vicente -- one of the Venezuelans behind the fake Del Sol deal -- comes knocking on his door, wondering why the first oil shipment is late. Without having to hear the words outright, John Ross knows his life is at stake here, and not just in a figurative sense.
Unable to reach his daddy for help, John Ross goes to mama Sue Ellen and uses his crappy childhood to guilt her into bailing him out. She's reluctant, but goes to meet with Harris Ryland. She offers him a cushy position with the Railroad Commission of Texas once she's governor, if he'll just send his tanker trucks back to Southfork. He declines the bribe, but agrees to do her the favor anyway. This worries Sue Ellen more than if he'd just taken the deal, because now she'll owe him one. Of course, it all ends up being for nothing, with the mineral rights in question and everything.
On the non-petroleum front: John Ross continues to pretend to be a decent human being with Elena, but his charade is threatened when Marta decides she really, really wants him back. J.R. has landed in Las Vegas to get a mani-pedi and some dirt on Cliff Barnes. It has something to do with gambling and maybe building casinos in Texas. It's not entirely clear, but it means a high-stakes poker match between the old coots in the near future, so yay. Also, Rebecca is pregnant, but who didn't see that coming from a mile away? Stay tuned for the full weecap.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Upon rewatching the episode and reading posts in the forum, it's clear I got the wrong end of the stick about some of the details in the recaplet. It wasn't Jock Ewing's safe deposit box, but Miss Ellie's father's. I think I blocked it out because the latter makes even less sense than the alternative. Also, it was really boring. I may have zoned out a bit. But here's the weecap, with what actually happened.
John Ross and Elena watch the cattle grazing in the fields beyond her cottage. John Ross remembers being a kid and looking forward to the day Southfork would be his. "It's funny how life always seems more complicated than you imagined it would be," he muses. "Especially in this family." Oh, boo-frickin'-hoo. You're the one who started the big complicated ball rolling, so quit complaining. He's also worried about Christopher doing something, but Elena's all, "You had nothing to do with the fraud, so what could he possibly do?" He seems to feel a little guilty, but not so guilty that he comes clean. He just reminds Elena that Christopher is a lying meanie who likes to say mean, lying things to her. As he heads off to work, Elena calls after him. "I don't believe in the war, but I believe in the warrior."
That puts him in a good enough mood to talk to Bobby. Things go from "I think I'll have some coffee" to "I'll kick you out of this house" pretty much instantly. They puff up their chests and trade a few insults, but before they can start pecking each other's eyes out, John Ross's foreman interrupts with bad news. When he hears that Ryland has ordered the tankers away from Southfork, John Ross immediately gets suspicious. "Ryland? Isn't that your wife's ex-husband's outfit, Uncle Bobby?" Bobby looks dyspeptic. John Ross accuses Bobby of sending Ann to do his dirty work for him. He walks away before Bobby can punch him in the eyes.
At the Condo of Impending Divorce, Rebecca hides a folder just as Tommy walks in. He complains about wanting to get out of the state because Texans are too nice. I'm a Texan and I just wanted to see a man get punched in the eyes. So shut the hell up, hon. Rebecca grabs the folder when Tommy's not looking and makes some excuse about needing fresh air. Tommy -- not used to his sister conning him -- doesn't notice anything suspicious.
Back at Southfork, Bobby confronts Ann about the miraculously disappearing tankers. She admits she's responsible. "I just saw how upset you were and thought it might help," she says. "I know you wanted to slow John Ross down --" He cuts her off. "Don't you think that's something we should have talked about first?" In the version of this scene that happens in my mind, Ann points out Bobby's being a big, annoying hypocrite seeing as how he sold off their family home and land without talking it over. Then she extends one fabulously long leg and kicks him in the groin from across the room. In the version that happens on the show, Ann is very contrite and near tears. Bobby dreads the day her deal with Ryland comes back to bite them in the ass. It cannot come soon enough.
John Ross isn't having much luck getting tankers -- from any company -- back onto the drilling site before the first shipment to his investors is due. As if he doesn't have enough to deal with, Christopher comes up to him as angry as a squirrel whose last sunflower seed has been stolen. "It's been two days -- I'm done waiting," he says. He wants John Ross to fork over information linking J.R. to the fraud. They get into a shouting match that's mostly all Christopher. Somebody really needs to take Jesse Metcalfe aside and have a conversation with him about his voice and delivery. When Christopher gets mad, he sounds like the bad cartoon version of mad. John Ross changes the subject. He thinks Christopher's more upset about Elena than about Southfork, which: ugh. I am this close to calling her Elena Lang.
Rebecca shows up at Southfork with a peace offering. It's a 1941 invoice from lawyers showing the work they did for the Southworth family to separate the mineral rights and surface rights to Southfork Ranch. Bobby and Christopher are wary. She explains about Tommy stealing documents, but that she brought this back as soon as she found it. She says she wants to make up for what she's done. If the invoice is legit, then it means that the mineral rights were never sold to the Del Sol Conservancy. Or to the fake Del Sol Conservancy. Or to J.R., for that matter. Bobby gets hopeful. Christopher thinks Rebecca is faking the whole thing. "Why would I do that?" she asks. "BECAUSE YOU'RE A LIAR!" he shouts. Rebecca offers to help them look for the original documents mentioned in the receipt, even though it would mean spending more time with Christopher's voice. They send her back on her way, though. She gets a nosebleed on the way to her car and stumbles a bit. Elena sees this and comes rushing over.
Bobby and Christopher head over to a storage shed somewhere on the ranch to look through Grandpa's stuff. Christopher whines about what he's sure will turn out to be a wild goose chase, and then tells Bobby about the sex tape he found. Why dig through piles of possibly spider-infested old furniture when they prove John Ross getting his fraud on with Marta? Bobby points out that it's J.R. they need to stop, not John Ross. Christopher gets all shouty again about how he's pressuring John Ross to that end, but Bobby is sorely disappointed and won't hear of it. Christopher pouts and drops the subject.
Meanwhile, J.R. has taken himself to a comfy suite in a Las Vegas hotel, where he's currently getting a manicure and massage from three young ladies. This heavenly respite is interrupted when Bum calls him for a little exposition. J.R. is in hot pursuit of Cliff Barnes, who plans to bring gambling to Texas. J.R. wants to nose his way into one of Cliff's high stakes poker games, find out what his fellow old coot is planning and put a stop to it. Bum doesn't think Cliff will let J.R. buy his way into a game. J.R. disagrees: "For a chance to make money from me, Cliff Barnes would push his mama into a puddle of piranhas!" He pronounces it "pir-an-yahs" and gets a good laugh out of his own awesomeness. This whole show should just be J.R. making quips about carnivorous fish, telling people to shut up and enjoying heaps of red Jell-O.
Back to Hoarders: Dallas Edition. Bobby and Christopher finally make their way to Grandpa's desk and find what looks like a safe deposit key.
Elena took Rebecca to the hospital to get her checked out. Everybody knows she's pregnant by now, right? When any woman on TV under the age of 50 suddenly feels ill in any way, it means she's pregnant. Rebecca apologizes for the email Tommy sent to Elena, disavows any prior knowledge of it and then wishes Elena happiness with Christopher. Elena says that's not going to happen, but that it's Christopher's fault, not Tommy or Rebecca's. While Elena's there in the hospital, maybe she could have some tests run to figure out why she doesn't move her jaw when she talks.
For some reason, John Ross is working out of his rumpled bedroom at the ranch instead of his trailer. Vicente the Venezuelan pays him a visit. Vicente regards the room with a slight air of distaste, picking up empty beer bottles and bits of refuse. Vicente keeps his tone friendly, but the threat behind it is clear: if John Ross doesn't get production up and running again, there will be hell to pay. During their conversation, John Ross glances over at a holstered gun slung over his chair. Somebody better get shot with that before the season is out.
John Ross puts on a decent shirt and goes to ask his mama for help. He wants her to talk to Harris Ryland, whom she knows socially. Actually, he wants her to bribe him as the future governor of Texas. Sue Ellen hesitates. "When I got into this race, I made a promise to my backers, my supporters --" "Screw your promises!" John Ross snits. "You've been compromising everything with me since I was born!" He tells her about the Venezuelans threatening him. She offers to find another way to help him, but he pouts about how she won't do what he asks and how some things never change, which, you know, shut up, John Ross. He got his own damn self into this mess and now he wants Mama to bail him out. If you want to swim with the pir-an-yahs, don't slather yourself with bacon and then complain when you get bit.
John Ross goes to his condo to get angry and throw some stuff around. With impeccable timing, Marta shows up, all dressed to the nines and apologizes for being so jealous. She wants to get back together with him, but he's not having any of her craziness. He ticks off a list of her sins, then shoves her right back into the hallway and closes the door in her face. Sometime -- not too long from now -- he's going to remember how his daddy told him to be nicer to Marta.
Christopher and Bobby go to the bank, where Grandpa's safe deposit box has remained unopened since his death. Who's been paying the rent on this thing? And why are Christopher and Bobby allowed access without any legal documents? Maybe Grandpa gave the bank permission before he died, even though, according to Bobby, he was just a kid at the time. It's probably better not to think too much about it. Among the assorted family trinkets and photos, they find the original mineral rights trust.
John Ross seeks comfort at Elena's cottage, but notices right away that something is amiss. The door is open when it should be closed. A faint whiff of bat shit hangs in the air. Elena is none the wiser and goes to start them a nice bubble bath. That's when John Ross sees what Marta has left them in the kitchen. Is it a bunny in the stew pot? No, it's the surveillance photo of John Ross canoodling with Elena, pinned by a knife to the cutting board. He goes outside to ask two ranch hands named Ace and Buck (ah, Texas names!) to keep an eye on Elena. They take up posts outside the cottage, rifles at the ready... like Elena's not going to wonder about that. John Ross races over to Marta's hotel. He even still calls her that. She's already packed up and left.
Vegas. Cliff's driver, Frank Ashkani, drops by J.R.'s hotel room to find out why he's been making inquiries about his boss. J.R. wangles himself an invitation to one of Cliff's poker games, even though the buy-in is a staggering $1 million. After Frank leaves, J.R. tells Bum to get the money from Carlos Del Sol and do some digging on Ashkani. He doesn't buy that Ashkani is just a driver. He's also a starship captain.
Southfork. Fearing for Elena's safety, John Ross sets Bum on Marta's trail, although what he expects Bum to do about it is kind of a mystery. He's not evil enough to have her killed and anything short of that will probably just drive her even crazier. Meanwhile, a bouquet of freesias arrives for Ann. At first she thinks it's a gift from Bobby to apologize for their fight, but then she sees the card. It's from her ex. There's also a small antique-looking locket, the sight of which brings Ann immediately to tears. She sobs and crumples to her knees. Bobby sees this and rushes over to her, but she pushes him away. He finds Harris Ryland's card lying on the ground and fumes.
He's still fuming when he charges into Ryland's office and backhands him right in the middle of a meeting. He even shoves a guy who tries to intervene. "You stay away from Ann," Bobby says to Ryland. Instead of calling the cops or even fighting back, everybody just watches Bobby charge back out the way he came.
Christopher and Rebecca cross paths just long enough for him to tell her the info she gave them was legit. He's not ready to forgive her, but he does seem to have softened a bit. At least he doesn't cartoon shout at her.
Sue Ellen puts on a tight little zipper dress and has a chat with Ryland. She promises him a post on the Texas Railroad Commission if he agrees to send his tankers back to Southfork. She looks like she's swallowing razor blades the whole time, but manages a smile at the end. Surprisingly, he does not take her up on the offer. "I can't allow you to compromise yourself like that," he says. He says he'll reinstate his trucks. At first, Sue Ellen is terribly relieved, but then he writes a big fat check for her campaign and she realizes she'll be compromising herself in some even bigger way in the future.
The trucks roll back onto Southfork. Ann puts on the mystery locket and looks sad. Bobby and Christopher present John Ross with the trust document. John Ross is at a loss as to what this means, so Christopher explains: "Your father may own Southfork, but mine controls the mineral rights." So what it all comes down to is... "My daddy can beat up your daddy!"
Condo of Possibly Averted Divorce. Rebecca gets a call from her doctor. The news she gets stuns her so much that she has to sit down. Tommy comes in, all het up about the trust document. (He found out about it through the spyware on Christopher's laptop.) He starts in on Rebecca, but she's not having it. She says she's tired of him pushing her around. "You and I are done, Tommy." She gives him her wedding and engagement rings, tells him to sell them and get out of Dallas. "What are you talking about?" he asks. "I'm talking about me and Christopher," she says. "You're right -- I'm in love with him." Pause! "And I'm pregnant!" And that's the cliffhanger for the episode. The news is supposed to be the thing that keeps us in suspense, but the real mystery is why she would tell her money-hungry brother this when he's looking for any possible way to extort the Ewings. Man, this show really suffers when there's minimal J.R.
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