A Man With A Plan

S04E13

Awesome is freaking out over becoming a dad, and his anxiety only gets worse when Ellie's water breaks early and they rush to the hospital. Speaking of which, Casey regains enough consciousness to point Chuck at the Hydra fragment and tell him Sarah didn't betray him, while Sarah and Mary break into Volkoff's office and discover that Volkoff is planning to transfer the Hydra to "The Contessa," which Chuck and Morgan reasonably assume is a woman but, through their own efforts, determine is in fact Volkoff's ship. Also, via Hydra, Volkoff gets a private message from, seemingly, Orion, telling him he wants his wife back.

Unnerved, Volkoff brings Mary and Sarah to the Contessa, who prepare to make their move by attempting to send Hydra to the CIA, unaware that Chuck and Morgan have also boarded. The four of them join forces, but Volkoff captures them all; however, Mary nicks his gun and holds it on him while the other three escape. Even though Volkoff recaptures Mary, he doesn't kill her, instead confronting her about her longtime and apparently ongoing communications with Orion. She tells Volkoff she never loved stopped loving her husband, prompting Volkoff to set out to kill Orion once and for all. However, when Volkoff confronts "Orion" in Orion's isolated cabin, he reveals himself to be Chuck, who captures him, but Volkoff once again turns the tables and, as he holds Chuck's gun on him, reveals that he can say goodbye to his loved ones – he has a man on his way to kill Casey and then Ellie, and if his men don't hear from him, which they won't, they have orders to kill his mother as well.

All seems lost, especially after the one guy smothers Casey with a pillow, but when Chuck gloats in Volkoff's face, we know things aren't as they seem, and Casey comes back to life and subdues the guy, hilariously revealing that he sabotaged his heart monitor in the process. Sarah saves Mary, Chuck reveals to Volkoff that the gun he's brandishing has no bullets in it, and – this is the best part – the communications Volkoff got from "Orion" weren't only designed to stoke his jealousies – they contained a virus his father invented that allowed him to transfer Hydra to the computer in the very cabin they're in. Apparently, all these things were part of Chuck and Morgan's plan, as Beckman and a whole bunch of CIA show up to the cabin and take Volkoff and his men into custody before getting Chuck, Morgan, Sarah, and Mary to the hospital to see Ellie, Awesome, and Baby Clara. Oh, and also? Chuck finally proposes, and Sarah says yes. Sigh, you guys.

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We open essentially where we left off last time, as Chuck, Morgan and Alex are crowded around Casey's hospital bed when Ellie comes in with good news -- his doctor thinks he'll regain consciousness in a day or two. Alex whispers a thank you, and Ellie tells her Casey's family, and she and Chuck do anything for family. Aside from me not remembering Ellie having such warm feelings for Casey, she... didn't really do anything, other than find a way to shoehorn this week's theme into the cold open. I mean, that's something, I guess, but I don't know that it merits doctor money. Morgan then assures Alex that Casey will pull through, which I'm pretty sure Ellie just covered, but then he turns his attention to Casey -- he just tried to say something. They listen close as Casey, oxygen mask still on, whispers, "Pants," and while Chuck and Morgan are at a complete loss as to why he'd say that, Alex, whom I might point out is the only person in the room not currently working for the CIA, suggests that Casey might be telling them to look in the pair of pants he was wearing when he plummeted to the ground. Morgan finds the piece of the fake eyeball, which I'm very glad was undamaged by a multi-story fall, and wonders what it's for, but Chuck flashes, and in addition to seeing Volkoff and Hydra's names, comes up with a "Ron Eimacher." Urgently, Chuck asks Casey where he got the eye, and when Casey breathes "Sarah," Chuck looks like he's putting it all together...

...while the woman in question appears from an elevator and tosses a small metallic device into the hallway ahead of her, which then sprouts appendages that make it look a Daddy Longlegs before it climbs up onto the security pad on the wall, and seriously, if the CIA has that sophisticated a device in its arsenal I'm not sure why it's taken them twenty years to bring Volkoff down. The gizmo disables the security system, but for only two minutes, as Mary, who appears beside Sarah, is kind enough to tell us. They access the station in Volkoff's desk in the hopes that it will tell them to what location he downloaded the Hydra data, but the man himself happens to call on Mary's phone, and I must tell you she has the most hilariously dorky picture of him linked to his number. Sarah opines that she should take it, and keeps working as Mary heaves a put-upon sigh and then heads to a darkened corner so Volkoff won't identify her location before answering the video call. Volkoff whines at her about his day as their time window steadily ticks down, but Mary manages to get rid of him as Sarah's wrapping up, and they vacate the premises with no time to spare. Mary asks Sarah if she found the location, and Sarah says it looks like Volkoff has entrusted Hydra to another person after all -- "The Contessa." I hope she still has both her eyes.

By Couch Baron

Beckman is telling Chuck that she received a message from Sarah (did she learn that tonal language too?) telling her about the Contessa. Chuck babbles about Eimacher and how Sarah needs to come home, like, yesterday, but Beckman doesn't want to hear it -- Chuck is too close to the situation, and needs to sit tight. Morgan suggests they go outside and play a little Bocce, which sounds fabulous to me, but Chuck tightly says no -- he's watched Volkoff take a bunch of people he loves from him, and it has to end now. "Ellie's right. Bartowskis take care of their family." He adds that "they" need to end this, and Morgan is thrilled to be included in whatever Chuck has in mind, but is puzzled when Chuck leads him to a cabinet: "We need office supplies?" Chuck, however, corrects him that what they need is a plan...

...and then there's a quick sequence in which they tape and tack up photos, Post-Its, maps, and the like to a wall. Chuck opines that they've come up with a good plan, and Morgan agrees before telling him he's been doing a lot of yoga, and as such is at his physical and mental peak. All that stretching does not appear to have made him taller, but as long as he's feeling positive, I guess. Morgan then asks if this is "what they call a...suicide mission," which suggests to me that the plan could use some work, but Chuck absolutely does not think so, and says they're going to start by finding Eimacher. Morgan gives him the fakest of fake smiles in addition to a thumbs-up, but when Chuck is out of earshot, he opines that they're going to need help...

...whereupon Volkoff, getting out of the elevator at Volkoff Industries, is startled by the lights going off. From his desk, he tries to call and summon someone up there, but the phone then mysteriously dies. His huge flatscreen then flashes off, whereupon a message appears on it: "Hello, Volkoff. I want my wife back." Volkoff breathes the question as to who's doing this, but after the letters merge, they re-form thusly: "Orion." The name flashes all over the screen, and Volkoff blanches and whispers that he's still alive. And while that seems unlikely, it also seems fair to say that if he is still with us, he has reason to be pissed. Credits.

As appropriately overwrought operatic music plays, Volkoff tells a bald tough whom I'm guessing is his new right-hand man that they have a Steven Bartowski problem. The dude Russian-accents that The Ring killed Orion, but Volkoff replies, "Then somehow a dead man broke into my computer system last night." Sounds like someone needs to come up with a Purgatory firewall. He tells Russian Guy that he's going to take Mary to a safer place, so Russian Guy should figure out where Orion has been hiding all these years. Russian Guy asks where he can find Volkoff, and he says he'll be visiting "an old friend," The Contessa, which is perhaps not a thing an actual person, even one as deliciously overdramatic as Volkoff, would say given that The Contessa is a ship. Sorry to spoil you, but I won't want to take the time to point that out later.

Back at the Buy More, Chuck is Googling "The Contessa," with what I'm guessing are less than satisfactory results, when Awesome comes in to pick up what Chuck calls "a push mix for Ellie," like, maybe I'm the problem but way to gross me out there, dude. Awesome doesn't share my feelings, although he does mention that Ellie hates his music. "But Rusted Root's rad, right?" Many extra points for alliteration, but... has Awesome been getting steadily dumber and I just haven't noticed? I still loveadore him, and nothing against Rusted Root per se, but for him to think most women would want to hear bluegrass fusion ever, much less when bringing forth a child, seems beyond even for him. Chuck's "Um...totally" reaction seems to agree with me, as do the eavesdropping Jeff and Lester's eyebrow-pops and side-eyes, and then Awesome almost has a panic attack right there about becoming a dad, like, dumb or not, I can't imagine any kid not feeling lucky to have him as a father, so chill out, bro. When Chuck calls him on his anxiety, though, he blows it off, and then says he's got to find someone to make Ellie's placenta into vitamin pills. Chuck's scarred for life by this statement, but he's the one that not only made a Push Mix but labeled it as such in all caps, so it's a little late to be crying "inappropriate" now.

Chuck then hands Awesome a card with a number on it and explains that since he's going to be gone for a bit, he set up some protection for him and Ellie if they need it, and all he has to do is call the number and an undercover team will appear. Awesome thanks Chuck, but on his way out, Jeff steps in front of him and wordlessly blocks his path, and it's hilarious that Jeff is generally so weird that Awesome doesn't think he could have any sort of hidden agenda here. However, while Awesome and Jeff are doing their "Shall we dance" thing, Lester surreptitiously nicks the Push Mix from Awesome's messenger bag, and then, after Jeff lets Awesome go, Lester seethes that Chuck "probably put a lot of indie crap" on the mix, which I have to agree might also not be Ellie's first choice. They go on, however, that the child shouldn't be hearing canned sounds to start his life, but a raw performance... from JEFFSTER! Oh, this is going to be a horror show. I can't wait.

After Morgan explains that he tracked down Eimacher "through his online Settlers Of Catan league" (heh), he tells Chuck that he's an engineering professor at Irvine. Chuck thinks it'll make for an easy "snatch-and-grab," but Morgan points out that they can't take him to Castle, given Beckman's earlier orders. Chuck, however, thinks they won't need Castle...

...and then we cut to the two of them, wearing ski hats and sunglasses, removing a mask from their prey's head and shining desk lamps in his face. As bright as the bulbs may be, however, they and the garbage bags haphazardly taped up are not sufficient to stop the guy from realizing that he's in a bathroom. Heh. Also, the dude has no idea where the Contessa is, in large part because he's not actually Eimacher, just a vague look-alike. Oh, these two. After a quick confab in the hallway (of their place, natch), they resolve to bring the picture this time...

...and then they're taking the mask off the real Eimacher, who asks, "Am I in a bathroom?" Hee. It doesn't take much to make me happy. At the mention of Volkoff's name, Eimacher babbles that Volkoff kidnapped him and forced him to create the Hydra device, and what's more, he did his work on The Contessa...

...which, as I said, is a ship, currently docked somewhere at which Volkoff, Sarah and Mary just so happen to be arriving. Volkoff tells them he bought her "on Craigslist Dubai," and while I doubt Craigslist existed twenty-plus years ago in any form, I will overlook that point, since that line was hilarious. Volkoff goes on that he thinks of it as his "Floating Fortress Of Fun," which does indeed sound fantastically fabulous, but when he goes on ahead to glad-hand the captain, Sarah tells Mary that the Hydra must be on board, and Mary agrees, adding that Volkoff must be nervous about something if he's staying mobile, and they need to go for Hydra that night, "and nothing can get in our way." Seems like another line whose gravity is not quite appropriate for the situation...

...except for its transitional value to a shot of Chuck and Morgan, in wetsuits, climbing up from the side. They then board stealthily, or as stealthily as they can given that Morgan still has his flippers on, and after Chuck grins that they're in, we go to commercial.

As Chuck says they have to get down to the lower decks, as that's where Eimacher said the server is located (ugh, sometimes it's a necessary evil, but it's never not grating when a character tells another something of which he knows the other is already aware), he strips off his wetsuit, leaving Morgan aghast, as he didn't know they were supposed to wear clothes underneath. He does, however, let us know he's at least sporting underwear, and I am not exaggerating when I say that WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER. They get going...

...and soon, day has become night, and Mary unknowingly echoes Chuck's sentiments as she informs Sarah that no matter what the outcome of their efforts that night, Sarah's going home afterward. Sarah protests that she promised Chuck she wouldn't return without Mary, but Mary insists that she doesn't want Sarah to become her, nor Chuck to become his father. And you guys, Linda Hamilton seemed like a good idea, but she is not selling this at all; it's a shame because this show has usually been exceptionally good with casting. Her lack of affect worked well when we didn't know where her loyalties lay, but now that we know she's a white hat she needs to bring some emotion, and it ain't happening. Anyway, elsewhere on the ship, Volkoff gets a call from Russian Guy, who's... also on the ship. Okay? I mean, it's a big ship, but why so spread out? Russian Guy tells Volkoff that Orion's method of communication has proven to be untraceable, and as such he's wondering if he might be working with someone on the inside. He asks for access to Hydra so he can test Mary's loyalty, and given that Hydra is something Volkoff HID IN A DUDE'S EYE SOCKET, you'd think he wouldn't casually grant that request with one keystroke. I hope you like being wrong.

By Couch Baron

On their way down, Mary and Sarah run into Chuck and Morgan, and I'll assume they're being allowed to proceed unobstructed as part of Volkoff's test of Mary's loyalty, because the alternative seems a bit far-fetched to consider. (The "even for this show" is, as ever, implied.) Sarah and Chuck embrace, but Mary is less than thrilled to see her son, and Sarah is forced to agree that the mission is too dangerous for him. Chuck, however, will brook no dissent about his and Morgan's presence, and Morgan pipes up that it's okay, as Chuck has a plan. Chuck smiles big, which is among the many things on this show I never get tired of.

By Couch Baron

In the bowels of the ship, our group looks down to see a couple guards in their way; Mary draws a gun to take them out, but Chuck stops her and fires from his own piece, sending them down, and then tells his mother, "When we get back, we need to have a serious talk about the benefits of tranq guns." Funny, but it's also nice character-wise to get a mention of Chuck's reluctance to use real guns, given what's to come. Hey, I call the show out sometimes, so it only seems fair to give it credit when it pulls off subtlety. Anyway, they reach their location, and Chuck gets to work on opening the door, but Morgan grabs a key card off one of the guards, swipes it, and goes through before anyone really gets the chance to stop him. Mary starts to tell him it can't be that easy, and she's unfortunately correct, as the door slides closed, separating Morgan from the group. What's worse it that a web of lasers then appears, the nearest of which slices the tip of Morgan's gun off, which suggests that it's probably a good thing that he's wearing a garment that pulls all his protrusions in as tightly as possible.

Chuck manages to open the door to the server area, which unfortunately is at the opposite end of the room, but he's doubtful of his ability to do any more, so Mary steps forward and offers that if Morgan could negotiate his way through the lasers, he'd be in a position to disable them and open the door. It may seem like she's being a bit cavalier with Morgan's life, but it is true, as she adds, that this may be his only chance, so after exhorting himself with a bunch of yoga talk, he gets moving. Things actually are going swimmingly until, about halfway across, he gets his wetsuit stuck on something sticking out of the wall, and given that he's in half moon pose, which I can tell you from experience is EXCRUCIATING to hold, I would say he's in some trouble here, which only gets worse when Chuck tries using the keycard and starts the lasers moving. We cut to outside as Morgan yells that they're slicing through his wetsuit, and then...nothing.

They get the door open and see the now-tattered wetsuit on the floor, but given that there are no blood and guts on it, it's no surprise when the lasers click off and Morgan, now just in his tighty-whities, steps into view. Chuck hurries forward and hugs him, but then gets grossed out by his boy parts, and I'd roll my eyes about there always being time for gay panic, except this is Morgan we're talking about. I must, however, give the show props for Chuck's awesome throwaway line, made after we've cut to Mary and Sarah inside the Hydra room: "Kinda cold, huh?" Morgan just as hilariously replies that it is, in fact, and then Chuck comes into the room and, after a surreptitious glance to make sure his mother's not watching, inserts some device into one of the computer banks. Meanwhile, seeing Morgan struggle with the cold, Sarah generously gives him her coat, and after Morgan opines that he'll probably be too broad in the shoulders and then the coat of course fits like a glove, the four of them sequester themselves in the Hydra room. Mary tells Chuck, who's still over at that one panel, not to touch it, but he does a bit more stealth-fu on it before Mary goes to transfer Hydra to a CIA offshore server..."now," which I can only imagine means she's setting off some flag that's going to bring Volkoff down on her. I mean, I don't know shit about computers, but I've learned quite a bit about scripted television.

Mary gets the bad news that only Volkoff can access Hydra, as it's connected to his voice, and then an alarm goes off; they try to leave, but it's too late -- Volkoff and a team of his men take them. Volkoff takes a long moment to digest Mary's betrayal, and then steps forward and intones, "Death is the solution to all problems," which allows him access to Hydra. He threateningly attributes that quote to Stalin, his "favorite poet and humanitarian," and then tells his men to "shoot them," but Mary suddenly grabs the gun from inside his jacket and takes Volkoff hostage, forcing his goons to let the others go. Volkoff, however, points out that for them to escape, she's going to have to stay, and with steel to match, she tells him she knows before firing a shot that turns the lasers back on. She screams at them to run, like, shouldn't have to ask them twice, and the three of them clear the lasers and the far door just in time. They hear voices nearby, and even though Chuck anxiously protests that this wasn't part of his plan, they head out into a break. And if it's any consolation, Chuck, a gritty Air Force commercial wasn't exactly part of my plan either.

Volkoff manages to twist away from Mary, and then one of his goons punches her in the face, prompting Volkoff to take the dude's gun... and shoot him with it. "No one touches my Frost." Oh, Volkoff. You're so mercurial and silly! After signaling Russian Guy to cue it up, Volkoff shows Mary another message, which tells her to meet him at "Twin Pines Cabin" and, knowing these writers, if that's not a Back To The Future shout-out I'll eat plutonium. Mary, apparently flummoxed, says she's never seen it before, but Volkoff spits that the message led Russian Guy to hundreds more like it, which in turn leads him to believe that she's been talking to Orion every day for years behind his back. Mary continues to assert her ignorance, but Volkoff persists, so she finally tells him that her husband, alive or dead, is a better man than him, and every moment she was with Volkoff, she was thinking of Steven. Volkoff steps forward and grips her head, and even though that's not this show's bag they do a good job of making you wonder if he's going to break her neck with his bare hands, but instead, he vows that he's going to visit her husband and return with his corpse. He kisses her and heads out...

...while Casey is whispering to himself ("Moron Grimes," I believe he said) when Alex enters the room. He's conscious enough to murmur that she came back, and she points out that she brought his bonsai tree before telling him that she likes having her dad around, and doesn't want that to change. He reaches out an unsteady hand to her...

...while Ellie is timing her own contractions and ordering her own drug dosages, like, I know she's a doctor but maybe she should chill out and let someone else do the driving. However, her husband would not currently be an ideal choice for that someone, as he's being an OCD mess about putting clothes and crap away in just the right spot to the point where the attending physician is like, "So, what's it like being married to a lunatic?" Ellie assures her he'll be fine, but her eyes are like, "Get it together, dude!"

HA! The Fortress Of Solitude theme music from Superman II, I believe, plays as Volkoff arrives at the cabin, loads his gun, and tells his goons to stay put, as he's going to take care of this errand himself. He enters and sees a male figure sitting in the darkened room, and tells "Orion" that they're finally meeting, but when the figure stands... it's Chuck. Rock. He takes advantage of Volkoff's shock by decking him, and it's nice that we got to commercial so he has a chance to recover.

When we return, Volkoff comes to and finds himself slumped in a chair, hands tied behind his back, with Chuck facing him. After opining that Chuck must be proud of his use of his father's "toys" to lure him in, he notes that his continued existence must mean that Chuck wants something, and Chuck agrees... and produces Volkoff's gun and levels it at his forehead. Volkoff coolly replies that he didn't figure Chuck for the vengeful type, and disparages him for holding grudges while surreptitiously working on the ropes that bind his hands. Volkoff then leans his head onto the gun's muzzle and tells Chuck that if he kills him, his loved ones will pay. "I have access to everyone." If that's true, can you tell Ryan Gosling I'm sorry about the Oscar snub? As if to emphasize the kind of access Volkoff has, we cut to Mary, still in the Hydra room, surrounded by armed goons, and then we see Russian Guy enter the hospital and put on a pair of black gloves, which is a really casual, non-threatening thing to do in Southern California. Ellie does her Lamaze breathing and Awesome keeps acting like a really hot version of Howard Hughes, and then Russian Guy passes through a door somewhere. Volkoff frees his hands, and he knocks the gun away, slugs Chuck in the face, and then walks over to where he's fallen and boots him in the cheek for good measure. He at least admits that it was a good plan to use his jealousy against him, but it had its problems, which isn't surprising, given Chuck's paternity. "Just know this: If it wasn't for you, everyone could have gotten out of this alive." It says something for his survival instinct that he didn't, but I would have loved Chuck even more if he'd pointed out Volkoff's neglect of the subjunctive there. We see Russian Dude enter a patient's room, and after a close shot of him holding a pillow, we see he's come for Casey, and he holds the pillow over his face. Casey starts to twitch and choke as his monitor goes bazoo; he tries to reach for the bonsai tree and the heavy clay pot housing it, but he can't quite reach it, and suddenly he flatlines and goes still. Russian Guy then breathes, "And now for the sister," and I don't usually mind when TV characters unrealistically talk to themselves, but I think I could have guessed that one on my own.

Back in the cabin, Volkoff informs Chuck that he gave his men orders to kill Mary if they didn't hear from him, and given what's to come, I like that this element mixes some genuine fear into what Chuck is feeling; regardless, he tells Volkoff he can't believe he hasn't figured out the solution, and when Volkoff repeats back that last word, Chuck smiles: "Gotcha." You see, apparently Volkoff reciting the key word "solution" is just what Chuck needed, as a large, heretofore unnoticed computer monitor comes to life and apparently is able to extrapolate from it and produce a workable facsimile of the pass code "Death is the solution to all problems." In Chuck's ear, Morgan confirms that they secured the code, and Chuck presses a button on his watch that activates more of the cabin's computer equipment. He gets to his feet as Volkoff asks what's going on, so Chuck tells him that the fake messages from Orion weren't just a play on his sensitivities -- they also contained a virus his father invented, and now that he has Volkoff's pass code, the virus will allow for transfer of all the Hydra files to the computer in front of them. He adds that they can give his father credit for taking Volkoff down, and that he taught him that looks can be deceiving. Man, as enjoyable as this episode is, there are some feeble setups in it. Nonetheless...

...we cut to Russian Guy removing the pillow from Casey's face, whereupon Casey opens his eyes and, for good measure, shows the dude the plug from the sabotaged machine before bashing him on the head with the bonsai pot. I hope he carves out some time to give that thing some TLC later. Chuck goes on that Steven also taught him to fight for his family, and suddenly, an alarm goes off on the ship, the Hydra door slides open, and Sarah throws a knife into one guard's leg before sliding into him. That attack and the element of surprise is enough for her and Mary to overcome the rest of the guards, and Chuck then tells Volkoff the final lesson: "Never use a gun" -- Volkoff pulls the trigger and gets only a plaintive click in response -- "unless you absolutely have to." He adds that he was never going to kill Volkoff, as he truly is his father's son, and then the computer signals that the Hydra transfer is complete. Volkoff looks momentarily dejected, but brightens when he points out that Chuck only has Hydra at this remote location, and there are several of his goons waiting for them outside. "You're going to need an army to get out of here alive!" Just then, there's a knock, and the dramatic music of danger swells, but Chuck, never taking his eyes off Volkoff, opens the door to reveal... General Beckman. He inquires, "Will this suffice?" and I'm sure I'm not alone in pumping my fists in the air at this moment. After a quick shot of the small army outside, Beckman marches in and orders her men to arrest Volkoff before assuring Chuck that Sarah and Mary are safe. She then offers, "It was a good plan, Agent Bartowski," and I think everyone's in agreement that now, finally, Chuck really is a CIA agent. He and Beckman shake hands, and then, before he's taken out, an unbowed Volkoff tells Chuck to have his mother come visit. "It's been fun." Agreed, which is why there's no way we've seen the last of him. Morgan then pops in and tells Chuck he just heard that Ellie's having her baby now, and Chuck turns to Beckman and asks if they can borrow a van. Beckman: "Agent Bartowski, you just arrested Alexei Volkoff, and obtained the Hydra Network we have spent the last twenty years searching for." Oh, boy, here it comes; she turns to a man behind her. "Lieutenant, get this man a chopper!" I may not have told you that Beckman has stealthily worked her way up to my second-favorite character on this show; after that delivery, I hope you won't begrudge me that opinion. We get a quick shot of the chopper taking off before it heads into the last commercial break.

Awesome is squeezing a stress ball as the nurse gives Ellie her current dilation, and Ellie tells her the baby's coming and sends her to get the doctor. Then, aware that Awesome's about to hyperventilate, she tells him to go outside for five minutes, pull himself together, and then come back in, as there's no one else for her there and she really needs him. Perfectly reasonable -- in fact, given the circumstances, far nicer than he deserves -- but poor Awesome looks like he can't even form a sentence. Maybe he'd relax if he took his shirt off? I'm only thinking of him here!

Lester and Jeff enter in their Jeffster! T-shirts, Jeff with a portable keyboard strapped to his back, and after Lester opines that pregnant women are gross and Jeff expresses a diametrically opposing viewpoint, they try to gain access to Ellie's room and are most summarily denied. However, when the desk nurse calls for some doctor on the intercom mike, Lester's eyes light up...

...while elsewhere, Awesome is staring at the baby ward and freaking out some more until Casey wheels his way up to him, and I love that even Casey addresses Devon as "Awesome." Casey asks why he's not in with Ellie, and when Awesome silently mouths what I loosely read as "Flubittyflargenbarger," Casey sympathetically tells him not to make the same mistake he did -- he missed not only Alex's birth but her whole childhood, and he regrets that every day. You can actually see Awesome coming back to himself during this little speech, and Casey gives a small grin before telling him to get in there. Awesome complies, giving Casey an appreciative slap on the back, which Casey seems to enjoy even with the pain it causes him. It figures.

Awesome rejoins Ellie, and after they smile and nod lovingly at each other, the doctor tells Ellie it's time to push. She agrees, and gets ready... and then the strains of Jeffster! singing Salt n Pepa's "Push It" are heard on the intercom. Hee, especially the part where they point out the pregnant women's stomachs on the "Ooh, baby BABY" parts. Casey seethes, "Jeffster," while Ellie looks like she's going to pass out not from the pain of labor but from the singing. Sarah, Morgan, Mary and Chuck then arrive (with the music still blaring) and run into Casey, and Sarah starts to apologize, but he just tells her he's glad she's back. By the way, the fact that Sarah's hair is still black suggests that we're meant to think she dyed her hair, although I doubt Yvonne Strahovski took that step but I certainly could be wrong. Finally, although most of the people in attendance seem to be quite enjoying the little jam session, two security guards come and break things up. On their way to being dragged out, though, Lester grandstands that cover song by cover song, they're shaping the youth of America, prompting this response from Jeff: "I'm not allowed to do that anymore!" Oh, Jeff. It's really impressive how high-functioning a Cro-Magnon man you are.

By Couch Baron

The nurse emerges from the room and asks the group outside if they're family; when all but Casey answer in the affirmative, she responds, "Oh-KAY," like, it's four people, honey. Not exactly unprecedented. She tells them that only one of them can go in, and of course Chuck says it should be Mary, but asks her to let Ellie know they're all there. Mary assures him she will, and heads in, whereupon Ellie smiles while holding back tears that she came. Mary nods and says they all did, and seriously, not even a hint of a tear? Even Sarah Connor cried sometimes, remember?

Back outside, Morgan and Casey wheeleconference, and when Morgan asks where Alex is, Casey tells him she went home. Alex, however, appears and demurs, saying she just went to get a coffee, and adds that whether he likes it or not, she isn't going anywhere. He assures her, "Neither am I," which is nice, although it counts less when there are doctor's orders involved. Morgan then pipes up that he's definitely not going anywhere, and Casey looks like whatever drugs they're giving him aren't strong enough to field that sentiment...

...and then we cross-fade back to Ellie, breathing hard; after a quick cut to Chuck and Sarah sitting in the hallway, we return to see Baby Clara has successfully entered this world, unadorned by the usual goo with which babies find themselves covered. I guess whomever Awesome found to make that vitamin placenta works fast. Mary makes a series of faces that I would not describe as quite fitting for her granddaughter just being born, but Awesome takes Clara in his arms and sniffles, "Awesome." Speaking of which...

...out in the hallway, Chuck and Sarah regard each other lovingly, and then Chuck gets A Look on his face...and gets to his feet and pulls out the engagement ring box, and it NEVER occurred to me that they would pile this on top of the baby, and as such is just a positively delightful surprise. There's no hint of hesitation in Sarah's eyes, and we cut to a shot of the janitor waxing the floor with one of those noisy machines. Chuck and Sarah are now in the background, so we can't hear anything that's said, but just before we fade to black, she leans forward and kisses him, which tells us everything we need to know. And if this episode could maybe have been the series finale, imagine what it will be like when they really mean it.

By Couch Baron

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John Ramos is a writer and film producer living in Los Angeles. He writes about film and television on his blog Pull Up A Chair, which he would just love for you to visit. Also, you can follow him on Twitter here, or get information about his most recent film East Fifth Bliss, starring Michael C. Hall, Lucy Liu, and Peter Fonda, on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr.