Cole "James Bond" Barker is back! And being tortured by a Fulcrum agent who looks kind of like Nestor Carbonell without the luxuriant lashes. Meanwhile, Chuck is being tortured by Sarah's mere underwear-clad presence back at Ellie and Awesome's place. She's been sleeping soundly in bed to him as part of their "cover" while he's been in agony. Chuck escapes his torment, as does Bond. He finds his way to Castle, where he badassedly dresses his own wounds.
Beckman sends Sarah and Casey off to a party at the Swiss Consulate to find a man known as Perseus, who Fulcrum is "protecting" because he's behind their own Intersect program. Chuck and Bond are supposed to stay behind at Castle, but naturally things go wrong and they leap into action when Imposter Nestor and pals show up at the party with guns in tow. Chuck manages to twist his ankle climbing into a window, and it only gets worse from there: Chuck accidentally shoots Perseus (real name: Howard Busgang) and Bond also takes a bullet for Sarah. Busgang manages to hobble away.
During the briefing, they find out Busgang created the Intersect that's in Chuck's head, which gives him ideas about getting the damn thing out. Before that can happen, Ellie and Awesome see an injured Chuck and rush him to the ER where he coincidentally finds Busgang, being treated for his own wounds. Chuck goes after him, trailing him to a lab with some pretty gullible security. Chuck confronts Busgang and flashes on one of Busgang's folder which conveniently as "Orion" in nice obvious letters. Busgang realizes Chuck is flashing and that he's got some Intersect going on. Chuck wants it out and Busgang says only Orion would know if it can be done. Then the cavalry and Fulcrum baddies arrive, and Busgang is killed. Bond gets shot again, too, by the same guy as before, because he's good target practice or something. Luckily, Chuck uses his cast-encrusted leg to trip up the baddie and saves the day.
So now Bond is about to go back home, but not before he has a little bonding moment (no pun) with Chuck about going for what you want. Read: Sarah. Sarah and Bond have their goodbyes, and he wants her to go with him, but she declines, and Bond muses with some disbelief that he's lost the girl to Chuck Bartowski. Aw.
Chuck tells Sarah he doesn't want to move in with her after all, because he's crazy about her. He says he plans to get the Intersect out and then he'll be with the girl he loves. Then Chuck goes into his room and does the awesomest thing of the episode: He takes down his supposedly geeky Tron poster and reveals this intricate web of super spy information he's been collecting all along.
The B plot has to do with Chuck not wanting to break it to Morgan that they're not moving in together after all, and Anna mistaking a found apartment lease for Morgan's way of committing to her. He tries to gross her out to the point of not wanting to live with him, enlisting the help of Jeffster, instead of just telling her he'd rather live with Chuck. But he comes to his senses, and decides to move in with Anna, and Chuck is a good friend about all of it. The important thing here is that Chuck's awesome poster of awesomeness gets to stay right where it is.
"Hi, I'm Chuck!" Chuck says. Hi, I'm your substitute weecapper for the episode! How do you do? Not so well, according to the Previouslies: Agent Cole Barker is working for MI6 undercover with Fulcrum. He sits around without his shirt and flirts with Sarah. Chuck and Morgan decide to move in together, to Ellie's dismay. Barker stays mum when he Sarah, and Chuck are captured, earning Sarah's trust. Then he gets captured again just as he's headed out of town and Sarah and Chuck have to move in together for 24-hour protective detail.
Now: We cut to a Fulcrum hideout where Barker is chained up and being tortured by baddies, one of whom bears a passing resemblance to Nestor Carbonell. Speaking of names, Not Nestor asks Barker for his name and Barker, possibly having read last week's Weecap, says he's "Bond, James Bond." We'll just keep calling him that, too. Not Nestor is not amused, though, and beats him up some more. He also wants to know how much the CIA knows about "Perseus." When Bond doesn't answer, a bald thug moves to hit him, and Bond's all, "Okay, not the face." Seriously. Not Nestor then asks, "Who's the Intersect?" Bond doesn't answer, so he gets beat up yet again.
Chuck's in his bedroom at Ellie & Awesome's place, suffering through his own torture at the moment, wide awake in bed as Sarah sleeps beside him. The alarm goes off and she unknowingly tortures him some more by chipperly hopping out of bed in her little pink undies, which Chuck tries very hard not to ogle. She jokes Chuck is lucky: "At least you didn't have to move in with Casey!" Chuck laughs nervously and it seems like he'd consider himself lucky to be dropped into a vat of piranhas at the moment. Sarah goes off to shower, leaving Chuck still immobile in his bed. Post-shower, Sarah brushes her teeth with Chuck in the bathroom and it's all very couple-y and domestic, except it's not, which makes Chuck contemplative. He asks her about her "connection" with Bond, and she assures him that it was "purely professional." Chuck doesn't seem entirely reassured.
Ellie excitedly greets Sarah and Chuck as they join her and Devin for breakfast. She gives them a hug and makes sure the two are still planning to move in together, not that she's trying to rush them. Devin's real estate advice, delivered with a suggestive wink: "You two love birds need to find a nest where you can let the worm wiggle free." Ellie tries to get Sarah to convince Chuck that not everything needs to move with them, specifically the Tron poster that he's had since he was 12. Chuck pointedly reminds Ellie that Dad gave him the poster. Ellie wants to know if Chuck's found Dad's address for the wedding, but he hasn't yet. We also find out Chuck hasn't told Morgan about the change in moving plans.
Over at the Buy More, Jeff, Lester and the Greenshirts are joking about Morgan having to endure his mom's and Big Mom's sexual escapades. Morgan breaks the news that he's moving in with Chuck and won't be inviting them for a housewarming. So, nyah! Chuck shows up just then but before he can tell Morgan about the new moving plans, Casey drags him off to the Castle. Sarah is already there, rushing to get Chuck put into a secure bunker, because they've found out Bond was captured by Fulcrum. Just then, the lights and sirens start flashing ominously, because there's been a perimeter breach. Chuck worries he's going to "die underneath a yogurt shop" (who hasn't worried about that?), but it turns out it's just a beaten and bloodied Bond who's found his way inside. He tells them he "didn't say a word" before collapsing in Sarah's arms. "Lucky me," Chuck says drily.
After the opening credits, Bond shirtlessly dresses his own wounds and tells Sarah he fought eight or nine Fulcrum agents to get free. Chuck is dubious. He watches with sad, worried eyes as Bond tells Sarah the reason he came back was to make sure she was safe. Meaningful looks all around.
Back at the Buy More, Anna is giving Morgan a 16-month anniversary present. She's feeling generous, because she found the apartment lease for Chuck and Morgan's new place and thinks it's for an apartment for her and Morgan. She leaves him with promises of noisy bedroom antics. A freaked Morgan allows Jeff and Lester to help him come up with a way to repulse Anna to the point she won't want to move in with him, because just telling her the truth would put an end to Morgan's sex life. Also, Lester calls him "bubeleh," which is creepy and cute.
At Castle, Beckman is briefing the gang about what Bond has learned: Fulcrum is protecting a man code-named Perseus. He's behind Fulcrum's efforts to construct an Intersect. Perseus is going to be at a Swiss Consulate party that night, which Casey and Sarah will be attending undercover while Bond and Chuck stay behind to do techy things. The two, vying for Sarah's attention, volunteer to go with, but Beckman doesn't have time for that crap. Fulcrum's still looking for both of them, so just stay behind and measure each other's nether bits, would you?
Morgan and Jeffster undertake "Phase 1" of Operation Repulsion, which involves the three of them working up a sweat while wearing disturbingly tiny white shorts. Anna wants to go look at the apartment, but Morgan turns her down in favor of playing tennis video games and promises there'll be more of this when they move in together. Jeff drives home the point by stripping off his jacket and revealing his fake-tanned and furry torso, and offers to play doubles with Anna. Understandably, she bolts.
Swiss party time! Casey and Sarah test out their surveillance equipment, and back at Castle Bond remarks she looks fantastic. Chuck reminds him to focus on the mission, then adds that Sarah does, indeed, look gorgeous. Bond fills Sarah in on who's who and who's "packing" at the party while Chuck fills Casey in on an approaching tray of tasty crab cakes. Casey, it turns out, gets hungry on missions, so this is actually helpful advice from Chuck. Bond helps Sarah navigate her way away from a handsy Italian, which makes even Chuck smile. Casey looks over towards some people at the "ice goose" sculpture, allowing Chuck to flash on a man standing there. He's Howard Busgang, a.k.a. Perseus, played by Robert Picardo. [The man who introduced Velcro to the Middle East? - Zach] Sarah: "Good job, Chuck." Chuck revels in the praise before asking Bond about those nine Fulcrum guys. Bond says it's not as hard as it sounds; "Always go for the knee." Chuck: "You mean sweep the leg?" I... think that's what they said, anyway. I was getting distracted by Bond's scruff.
Sarah and Casey wander through the party, where Not Nestor "accidentally" bumps into them. Bond tells everyone this is the Fulcrum guy who tortured him. Not Nestor turns on a signal-jamming device and cuts off communication between Sarah, Casey and the Castle boys. Sarah gamely presses on with meeting Busgang while Bond leaps into action as Chuck tries to talk him into staying put. Bond isn't having any of it and says it's not about wanting to be a hero, but about needing to be. He gets two guns and hands one of them to a stunned Chuck.
Bond and Chuck outside the Consulate: Chuck says they need a cover, like pretending to be waiters or dentists, but Bond says they'll just go as spies, and punches out a guard at the gate. That works.
Sarah and a bored Casey are chatting with Busgang about science stuff. Not Nestor and his friends approach them with guns, which is just terrible, terrible party etiquette. Chuck and Bond are still outside trying to find a way in when they see that their Sarah and the gang are being led through the party with guns at their backs. Chuck also notices that Bond is bleeding badly from one of his torture wounds, so he climbs up to an open window in Bond's place. Inside, Busgang is confused by all the guns and finds out he's been working for terrorists, but Not Nestor insists he's actually a patriot. Yeah, he's loyal to the United States of Crazy. Casey sees Chuck in the window and whispers: "We're dead; Bartowski's got a gun." Hee!
Not Nestor screws a silencer onto his gun and takes aim. Chuck rushes in for the rescue, but twists his ankle getting it stuck in the window and drops his gun, which shoots Busgang in the leg. This distracts everyone enough to allow Sarah and Casey to fight their way out of the situation. Sarah does a good job of kicking ass in her minidress and heels. Busgang hobbles away, Sarah goes after him, and Not Nestor shoots at her. Bond leaps into the line of fire and takes the bullet for her, still flirting with her even through the blood loss. Busgang gets away, Fulcrum gets away, and Bond manages to be concerned about Chuck's ankle. He should be annoying, but he's kind of awesome.
Castle: Sarah removes the bullet from Bond's arm. More flirting and shirtlessness. He can survive torture and gunshots, but shirts are his real enemy! Chuck interrupts, partly trying to be helpful, but Casey calls them all for a briefing.
Anna is browsing through Ikea catalogs for apartment furniture at the Buy More when Morgan comes in to present her with a "Morgannuptial." He wants her to sign an insane legal agreement designed to turn her off, but she's equally insane and agrees to do it.
At the briefing, Bond is talking up Chuck's courage to Beckman, and being very sincere about it until Casey points out he was just "clipped by a windowsill." Chuck's manhood shrivels. Beckman confirms that Busgang is Perseus, and then tells them that he also worked on the original Intersect, which wasn't in Chuck's flash because the information was "redacted" from the files. Chuck gets excited about the possibility of Busgang being able to remove the Intersect. Casey, Sarah and Bond go off to brief the field agents.
Chuck is off to the Buy More, where he means to tell Morgan of the change in living arrangements, but learns of Morgan's crazy plan to repulse -- or "test," as Morgan puts it--his girlfriend to make sure she loves him for him. Chuck talks some sense into him: "Buddy, you know I love you, but you are lucky to have a girl in your life who loves you for you even though you are, in fact, you." Morgan, thankfully, sees the light, which prevents us from the phase of the operation involving peanut oil, yarn and Jeff in some unimaginable way. Chuck speaks ruefully of losing the catch of a lifetime.
Back home, Chuck runs (or limps) into Ellie and Devin, who react to his injury by insisting on taking him to the hospital. Elsewhere, Sarah is dressing Bond's wounds, and yes, he continues flirting with her. Shouldn't all the blood loss be... softening him up by now? They talk meaningfully about being around people you care about in between talking about Busgang possibly leaving the country. Turns out Busgang is actually at the same hospital as Chuck, being treated for his own wound. Chuck wants to go after him and calls Casey, who tries to talk him out of it, but Chuck's all, "Sometimes you need to be a hero." His leg in a cast, he determinedly hobbles off after Busgang. The bald Fulcrum agent from earlier is sitting outside in the hallway and follows.
Chuck trails Busgang to an office building and manages to con his way inside with his Nerd Herd badge. I'd suggest the security guy at the desk be fired, but then Not Nestor and Baldy show up and shoot him dead. Saves him from trying to find another job in this economy, I guess. Meanwhile, Chuck has gone (very slowly) up to "Constellation Science" on the second floor to find Busgang. It's all appropriately science-y looking in there, with brain scans and diagrams. Busgang is getting a fairly small amount of money out of a safe. Chuck tries to sneak up on him, but is awed by all the science and Busgang gets behind him with a gun. He's all, "You're the guy who shot me!" Chuck explains it was an accident and introduces himself. He just wants to know about the Intersect. Busgang is suspicious until he notices Chuck flashing on a nearby folder that says "Orion" on it, and recognizes what's going on. He's awed by the possibility of a human Intersect. Chuck is less than awed and just wants it out. Busbang says only Orion knows for sure if it can be done, because he drove the research.
So of course, Not Nestor and Baldy show up just before Busgang can reveal Orion's identity. Sarah, Bond, and Casey show up a moment later, shooting Baldy in the stairwell. Not Nestor then shoots Busgang dead. Bond jumps him and gets shot, as well. Again. He's about to get shot a third time when Bond says "Sweep the leg," and Chuck uses his cast-covered leg to kick Not Nestor and hits him with a cane, for good measure. The gun flies from Not Nestor's hands, but he picks it up again and aims. Sarah shoots him and he goes down.
Castle: Beckman congratulates the team, because capturing Fulcrum's research will slow down their own Intersect program. Chuck wants to know who Orion is, but Beckman says they have no leads. Chuck looks crestfallen. Beckman says Bond is headed back to the UK, but not before confessing to Casey that it was 12 Fulcrum guys he took out, not nine. Casey is duly impressed. Bond says to Chuck: "You're truly the most... special... agent I've ever worked with." It actually sounds kind of nice the way he says it. He also says to never take "no" for an answer, and to start carrying a gun. Amen.
Buy More plot wrap-up: Chuck goes to talk to Morgan about the apartment, but Morgan beats him to it, and explains he wants to move in with Anna instead. Chuck is totally supportive. Morgan is totally misty.
Oh, hey, Bond is still here! Maybe he's waiting around to see if anyone else wants to shoot him. He's talking to Sarah one more time about coming with him. "No one else is going to make me feel like you do." She apologizes, but she can't cheat on her cover boyfriend. Bond sees through that, realizing he's "lost the girl to Chuck Bartowski." Scene of Morgan and Anna making out at Buy More, with Chuck looking on for a bit. He then goes home to talk with Sarah: He isn't going to move in with her, and the reason is he's crazy about her. Being around her like that is too much. She understands. She looks kind of distant until he promises he's getting the Intersect out of his head one day, and then he'll live with the girl he loves. That's something to think about, Sarah.
Inside, Ellie is packing up Chuck's stuff, but he tells her he's not moving out after all. He heads into his bedroom and takes down the Tron poster, seemingly to move on from that chapter of his life, but no! He turns it over and it's a chart of all this awesome, interconnected superspy information he's apparently been putting together all along. He adds "Orion" in big red letters. Fantastic! Fade to black.
Two weeks from now: Your regular weecapper returns and so does Chuck.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why Chuck makes vloggers Val & Beth think TV is the Answer!
Tippi Blevins usually writes for the Moviefile. She also writes a bunch of other stuff when she's not being a superspy. She can be reached at b_tippi@yahoo.com.