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I am clearly not the right kind of geek to get all of the references in this episode, so if you're here for the references, I'll just assume it's what forum poster kennyab said: “the bastard child of The Last Starfighter and War Games." Or something like that. Myself? I kept thinking of The King of Kong. What can I say? I'm more documentary nerd than sci-fi/gamer nerd, apparently.
Anyway, whether you like this episode probably depends on how much you like Nerd Herder Jeff, who takes center stage for a big portion of it. Me? I think he's better tertiary. But the episode also includes Sarah and Casey dressed up as Nerd Herders, Anna in a hula skirt (awesome!), Buster Bluth (who was also on Samantha Who? over on ABC later in the night), Sarah and Ellie having an awkward heart to heart, and -- best of all -- Casey and Sarah using their powers for good to get Chuck the degree from Stanford that Bryce cheated (or protected?) him out of so long ago. In other words, it has plenty of good to make up for the Jeff centrality.
Jeff ultimately fails anyway (at playing a videogame), and fellow big dorky gamer Chuck steps in -- with the help of Rush's "Tom Sawyer" -- and ends up saving the day and stopping the crazy scary satellite of doom. (How is it, by the way, that these episode title keeps fooling me? Last week, I thought "Cougars" would mean hot older women, and this week, I assumed Tom Sawyer would mean the book. Are they doing this on purpose just to throw us off?)
Oh, and when Chuck calls Ellie to sort of say goodbye to her, with an apology and love and all that, she immediately assumes he's on drugs. And Awesome agrees that would explain a lot. But the Stanford degree convinces them otherwise, making it a doubly wonderful deed Sarah (and Casey) did for him. You might even shed a tear. And then you'll keep crying at how annoying it is that Sarah and Chuck don't just GET TOGETHER ALREADY!
No time to worry about that, though, because the episode (in two weeks) features Jill.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!We open on boobs, and then zoom up to an unfortunately mulleted Jeff, sandwiched by two bikini-clad girls. He's being congratulated by an old announcer he refers to as "Stu." It's probably someone I should recognized, but even on a second viewing, I don't get any of the references in this episode. Stu is congratulating Jeff for being the world champion of "Missile Command," the videogame, and asks him what he'll do . Jeff looks down at the set of boobs on either side of him and says he doesn't know, because he has so many tasty options. Title cards take us to "25 Years Later" and Jeff -- hair no longer mulleted, but still unfortunate -- is standing in the backroom at the Buy More saying "So many tasty options." But this time he's looking at the backroom vending machine. Jeff actually believes this sad vending machine has too many tasty options and thus he can't decide, so Morgan comes up and chooses the Cheesy Snacks for him. Big Mike comes in and tells Morgan and Jeff to get back to a meeting on the sales floor, and also that Chuck's late.
thing we know, Chuck's alarm is going off, and he wakes up in a suit and pencil-thin moustache. Fun that we don't see every mission he goes on, I think. He quickly changes, but leaves on the moustache and walks out. Luckily, Ellie and Awesome don't look at him when Ellie asks if he's forgetting something. He realizes he did forget something: the moustache. He tears it off quickly, then turns around to face them and Awesome says Chuck almost forgot the most important meal of the day. Then Awesome gives him some of his green, wheatgrass-looking ginseng-protein shake, and Ellie asks why he was out until four in the morning. Chuck thinks the best lie is to include Morgan, saying the two of them had a "crazy night" of Grand Theft Auto. How he doesn't know that including Morgan and videogames is never the best option where Ellie is concerned is beyond me. Ellie and Awesome both start lecturing Chuck about how his life plan is not exactly going as planned, and that there should be some sort of forward movement. Ah, lectures. They go so well with breakfast.
Speaking of lectures, Mike's telling everyone at the Buy More that it's time for them to show some initiative, and he has just the guy to whip them into shape. He introduces them to none other than ... Buster Bluth! (But known here "efficiency expert" Emmett Milbarge). Buster wasn't exactly the initiative type, but I trust Tony Hale can act outside of the Buster range. Buster introduces himself by showing them he doesn't even care about them enough to know what city he's in (Morgan tells him: Burbank), and by telling them he'll be interviewing them all, evaluating them, and trying to trim the fat. Then he takes away Jeff's Cheesy Snacks and wads them up, just to be mean. Totally unnecessary.
Interviews: Jeff's answer to why he belongs at the Buy More? He satisfies a "quota." See! I knew there was something wrong with him mentally! But, no, he tells Buster that he's part Indian -- "the cool kind, though; not like Lester." With friends like Jeff, who needs friends at all? Then we have Lester, pointing out he used to be in management so he knows how to get things working. He then offers Buster cash. Buster scrawls "ASS KISSER" across Lester's evaluation form. Morgan's , and he actually needs more time to think about why he belongs, so he'll go grab a soda and come back. Buster writes "Untrainable." Anna tells Buster that she speaks more than one language, and starts speaking in "binary code." She provocatively says something that consists of a lot of ones and zeros, and Buster scrawls, "Prostitute?" Because he thinks the numbers are a price? Amusing. Except that he's the one who seems nerdy enough to "speak" binary code (I don't even know if it's possible to speak binary code, but please blame the show instead of me for any mistakes in logic), not Anna. Lester mentions his mantras: "WWCD: What Would Chuck Do?" and "WWCDN: Wonder What Chuck's Doing Now?" Then Anna also tells him Chuck's in charge. Buster asks everyone who they defer to -- the people we know and a bunch of extras -- and they all say "Chuck." "Chuck." "Chuck." He's your man, Buster. Now ... if only he were at work when he was supposed to be.
Chuck shows up and Morgan tells him the new efficiency guy's looking for him, but don't worry; Morgan covered with a story that Chuck has gall stone issues -- but he asks, "that's a thing, right?" Buster walks up and shakes Chuck's hand, but just then Chuck flashes on the bad guy from Iron Man, who's snooping around in the store. Chuck decides to run with the gall stone excuse and literally runs to tell Casey what's going on. But the bad guy stops him, shows him a picture of Jeff, and asks if he knows that guy. Chuck makes a joke about it being someone from Welcome Back, Kotter (I am older than Chuck, and yet I'm too young to have ever seen an episode of Welcome Back, Kotter; I sometimes think they need to check their references for age, because so much of what they make us think Chuck is into or has experienced is not the stuff someone his age -- even a nerd -- would have), but then suggests he check another Buy More location, because no one with a mullet like that works here. (He doesn't actually say the "mullet" part, but he should have, because even with a guy you flashed on standing in front of you holding it, when looking at that picture, the only word that can come into your head is "mullet." It's the sort of image that clears the mind of anything else. I think the only other time I've seen a mullet with this much power was in Joe Dirt. Or, rather, the previews for that movie, because I totally didn't watch it or anything.) The guy seems to buy it, and leaves with no further questions. Chuck turns around and sees Jeff in a whole new way. Except it's mostly in the regular old way, because Jeff's pouring Cheesy Snacks into his mouth out of the bag. Kind of hard to look at him with anything other than disgust, isn't it? Credits.
We return inside the Orange Orange's Super Secret Lair (OOSSL, or as I've been calling it, "ooh-sel"), where Casey and Sarah are telling Chuck who the guy he flashed on is. He's a global terrorist, which begs the question: what does he want with Jeff? Chuck asks that, and Sarah and Casey tell him that's exactly Chuck's mission this time. He has to hang out with Jeff in an attempt to learn more about his past. Chuck is horrified, and would almost rather have someone from the agency torture Jeff (which Casey tells him is the other option). But Chuck's nice, so you know he'll endure his own torture instead. Just then Ellie walks in on the Orange Orange camera, so Sarah runs up to greet her. She tells her she wanted to talk to her, without Chuck. Casey turns off the camera, and Chuck's like, "Hey!" Casey tells Chuck it's not polite to spy. I'm going to quote Phoebe Buffay here: "Hi, Kettle, this is Casey. You're black."
In the Orange Orange, Ellie tells Sarah she'd hate for Chuck to find out she went behind his back like this, but Sarah says her secret is safe (except for the CIA and whatever other agencies have access to the surveillance footage, obviously). Ellie asks if Sarah knows if Chuck has any plans, and Sarah's like, "Tonight? I think he's hanging out with Jeff." Ellie meant "plans" in a larger, life sense, but is distracted by the fact that Chuck would hang out with, in her words, "Nerd Herd, creepy, serial killer Jeff," and tells Sarah it's time they had a little girl chat.
Meanwhile, Chuck is trying to psych himself up to confront his fear of hanging out with Jeff. Buster steps in front of him as he's walking toward Jeff, and says he hopes Chuck enjoyed his "fro-yo." Chuck tells him the truth: he was going to see his girlfriend. Buster says he has a girlfriend who works in Accounts Payable for Buy More, and "she's a real tigress." Buster would like to move on to the interview now that they've covered their love lives, but Chuck says he'd rather do that in the morning. He rushes over to Jeff -- as if Jeff's going anywhere; you don't have to sprint, Chuck -- and Jeff's like, "What did I do?" Chuck awkwardly asks him to grab a beer, but Jeff declines, saying he would rather grab a dozen beers. Chuck agrees, and Jeff suggests his place, so Chuck can meet his ferret, Rosco. Hey, a reference I can get; yay! Or maybe it's not a reference, and Jeff just liked the name? But I think I'll go ahead and call it a win. Anyway, Chuck says he's allergic, so can they hang at the Buy More? Jeff's okay with this (I am guessing Buster would not be, what with the dozen beers and all). Lester and Morgan, who have watched this conversation, are confused.
Nighttime at the Buy More: Buster's talking into his digital recorder about the Buy More. He says there's no sign of intelligent life so far. Chuck and Jeff are in the screening room and Chuck is nervous about what disc Jeff could possibly be putting in. It's a stalkerrific photo-montage music video of Anna set to Air Supply's "All Out of Love." And somehow Jeff just ruined my high school heartbreak memories by stalking Anna to their soundtrack. Chuck is totally disturbed at what a stalker Jeff is, but all he can muster is, "Wow." Jeff says Anna's his muse. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think a muse is supposed to inspire something artistic and creative, not something completely weird and creepy. Jeff ups the weird and creepy ante, though, by telling Chuck to excuse him while he slips into his "drinking pants," which are basically MC Hammer pants. Chuck gives an awesome, high-pitched, "Lookathat!" that expresses all of our "WTF?" reactions perfectly. Chuck talks into his watch to abort the mission, saying he's been compromised. Casey responds that the perimeter's secure, and Chuck's like, "I'm talking about the weirdo inside the Buy More."
Sarah and Ellie are getting their wine and girl talk on at Ellie's apartment. Ellie's worried about Chuck. She thinks he's slipping back into old Chuck mode, which she also refers to as "the Morgan years." She credits Sarah with helping him move a little forward, but is afraid he's reverting. She tells Sarah that Chuck's only 12 credits short of graduating and having a real life. She tells Sarah she knows she sounds like his mother. And I will take this moment to talk about Ellie's hair, because she also looks like Chuck's mother. She has wavy '80s hair for some inexplicable reason. Her hair is usually so pretty, all shiny and straight, which completely works for her. But this new wavy thing is not good. Wavy-haired Ellie tells Sarah that if she can assure her she has no reason to worry, she'll lay off. (For some reason -- probably Ellie's history of never laying off -- I don't believe this will ever happen.)
But Ellie does have reason to worry this night, because Chuck is shotgunning beers in his work place with Jeff. With the Anna/Air Supply video on repeat, apparently, because it's still on and still playing the same song. And Buster's watching, and dictating about all of the rules being broken (my favorite: "lewd use of a musical montage"). Instead of doing what someone in his position should do, which would be to go in there and put an end to it. Buster walks away and Chuck and Jeff keep partying. Chuck ends up telling Jeff that some guy came into the store looking for him, with a picture and everything. Jeff imagines he was one of his fans. Chuck couldn't be any more puzzled. Jeff pulls out a VHS tape that he says he's never shared with anyone. Chuck: "Please don't be a porno. Please don't be a porno." The tape -- which Jeff brought with him even though he's never shared it with anyone? -- is the conference of boobs and congratulations that we saw at the start of the episode. Chuck says he used to kick ass at "Missile Command," too. Jeff says he was the best, though. And Stu backs him up, saying that he gets $100 in quarters and a year's supply of Slim Jims for breaking the world record. And the prize is being presented by none other than Morimoto, CEO and engineer of Atari. Chuck flashes on Morimoto, and then Jeff passes out.
Casey notices some guys getting out of a van on his perimeter cameras. He mutters to himself, "What is it about bad guys and vans?" I have wondered the same thing, but I think it's probably because of all of the stuff you can get away with in the windowless backs. Casey runs into the screening room to save Chuck, and wants to leave passed-out Jeff, whom he considers "dead weight." Chuck's the one who really knows how much dead weight Jeff is, though, because he ends up carrying him out on his back. Just in time, too, because the machine gun guys are in the store, and they find the screening room TV paused on mulleted Jeff with his trophy.
Ellie wants to know if she should be worried about Chuck, and Sarah -- superspy, trained to handle all sorts of awkward situations and difficult questions -- responds, "You know, Chuck is like a duck. Sometimes it seems like he is just gliding along, but beneath the surface his little feet are just paddling away like crazy." This would be the point where Ellie might change her mind about how good Sarah's been for Chuck. But she smiles. And Sarah says that deep down she thinks Chuck is incredibly mature and responsible. Right then, in busts Chuck with Jeff on his back. Chuck tosses him on the couch, and Jeff wakes up long enough to give us an obligatory incest joke. He tells Chuck to "take the brunette" because he's going to take a crack at the blonde. Then he actually rolls off the couch and lands on his face on the floor. Chuck's completely disgusted, as are the ladies. And me. And the world.
Jeff wakes up and scares Ellie. Then he hands her a card and says he's supposed to give it to her. It says, "My name is Jeff and I'm lost" and then has his address on the back. I want to know who in the world cares enough about Jeff to have had these cards made. I just cannot imagine he would be responsible enough to make them for himself, so who did it? One of his "fans," maybe? Or Lester? I know, I know. I'm overthinking it. It's just funny. Chuck tells her he's already called a cab. He pushes Jeff out the door, and Ellie lectures him again. She wants him to go back to school, and he tells her he hears her, and he still has all those goals he used to have.
Chuck arrives at work and greets Jeff with "Wild night, huh?" Jeff says, without a trace of irony, that it was pretty much his typical Tuesday. Lester and Morgan are watching again, and are totally jealous that their respective BFFs are totally becoming BFFs. Lester decides the best form of retaliation is for the two of them to also become best friends. Luckily, Sarah takes Chuck away before Morgan and Lester can take such drastic measures. In the screening room, she and Casey tell Chuck that Morimoto secretly worked for Japanese military and that he used to be in charge of their missiles. Chuck's like, "The guy who created 'Missile Command' commands actual missiles?" Casey replies, "Via satellite." Which really makes no difference, Casey. Don't split hairs. Problem is that Morimoto hasn't been seen in years, but the terrorist was seen outside his office. No one knows how Jeff's involved, so they need to get into Atari headquarters to figure everything out, but they don't know how. Chuck has an idea: They'll all be Nerd Herders. He attacks Atari with some sort of virus, and he and Casey go to help.
When they arrive, two nerds say they have it handled -- that Atari has more PhDs than Microsoft, and Chuck and Casey should go help some old lady log on to AOL. That's right: Nerd snobs. It's not a pretty sight, and not what I'd expect from Atari. Since that didn't work out, they bring in Plan B: Sarah in her own sexy Nerd Herder outfit. The nerds' jaws drop, and every other Atari employee heads over to gawk at her. Chuck and Casey take the stairs in, since Sarah has everyone in the building completely distracted. Sarah doesn't know how to fix a computer, but it looks like it won't matter because the Atari nerds are trying to impress her with their own computer knowledge. Casey and Chuck get stuck, and he tries to find another way, leaving Chuck there "where it's safe." Yeah, every time he tells you that, something bad happens. GO WITH HIM, Chuck! But he doesn't, and soon enough, our Iron Man terrorist is greeting Chuck again, telling him how weird it is to see him again. Chuck says it is a funny coincidence, but he got a call about a broken computer. The guy tells him he's in the right place, locks him in a room, and then tells Chuck he hopes the machine doesn't give him too much trouble.
The room is creepy and smoky, and Morimoto is in the back playing "Missile Command," trying to figure out the satellite codes. He hid them inside the game. Oh, and he's listening to Rush, which will be important. Morimoto already solved the game and gave the bad guys the code. Casey breaks in, and Chuck and Casey wonder why Morimoto's still playing if the bad guys have the codes. Turns out the game's hooked up to a bomb or something. ["It's like a geekier Speed." -- Angel] But it doesn't totally make sense, because he never stops playing and the bomb goes off anyway. But after Casey and Chuck are safely away, obviously. Morimoto is not so lucky.
Back in the OOSSL, they're telling General Redhead what happened. She guesses they're just going to have to shoot down the satellite so that the missiles aren't launched. People will die, but not nearly as many as if they let the terrorists use the weapon, starting World War III (is anyone else feeling like this is an entire season of 24 wrapped up in one episode?). Chuck would like to try out an alternate plan: Someone plays "Missile Command" to reach the kill screen. General Redhead wants to put their engineers on it, but Chuck says it has to be the world's best: Jeff. Casey's in charge of telling the Air Force how to shoot down the missile if contingency plan Jeff doesn't work out.
Chuck's trying to convince Jeff to come out of retirement and play; he thinks Jeff could be the first person to reach the kill screen, which Jeff thinks doesn't actually exists. Chuck pushes, and Jeff isn't even suspicious because he had so many fans back in the day. Chuck ends up making up a lie about what Jeff said when he was drunk to get Jeff to play again. Somehow Jeff believes that drunk him would say things he doesn't even feel, so he agrees to play. But only with "provisions": grape cough syrup, M&Ms with no browns, his lucky game from a certain convenience store. Oh, and he'd like Anna, in a hula skirt, to be fanning him with a palm frond. And he'd also like his old fans to come watch, because he needs a crowd. Casey says people who were into that game are all grown up with kids and wives now, but Chuck shakes his head, like, "Not so much. Look at Jeff."
Chuck enlists Morgan and Lester out of their jealousy and into helping this event happen. They set up the store for the game, Jeff watches Anna videos to get inspired, and all of Jeff's old fans find out what's up and come running. They haven't really moved on, if you wondered. The local news is even there, and Chuck flashes on the station; this somehow tells him that the terrorists are using the news station, so that's where the code will need to be entered. Casey's staying at the OOSSL to shoot down the satellite, as ordered, in 33 minutes. Sarah's going to the news station, since she trusts Chuck.
Morgan's pumping up the crowd, but when Jeff walks up to the game, he panics and passes out. Which actually disappointed me. I don't want to sit through a whole episode about Jeff, but if I have to, I'd like it to play out so that he actually gets to be the hero. I mean, Chuck gets to save the day all the time, but this might have been Jeff's only chance ever. And it's not like he'd even have known he stopped World War III. Chuck's trying to wake up Jeff, and then he realizes what's going to happen -- satellite will be shot down and/or World War III -- so he calls Ellie to tell her to take Awesome out of town. He tells her he knows he's been a disappointment, but he loves her, and they should go away, on him. She hangs up and asks Awesome if he thinks Chuck's on drugs. Awesome says it would explain a lot. WHY isn't Awesome funny anymore? He's so serious, with barely a trace of the lack of self-awareness that made him so ... awesome last season. Maybe the upgrade from recurring to cast member did not work out so well here.
Morgan comes in and tells Chuck that someone has to play -- remember how Chuck kicks ass at "Missile Command"? -- so Chuck takes over. No one claps at all; they came to see Jeff. But Chuck puts in his quarter as Sarah breaks into the news station. Buster walks in and wonders who authorized this "abomination" that's taking place in the store. (But just think of the sales if every nerd who's in attendance ends up buying something; "abomination" or "genius marketing strategy"? You decide.) Someone tells Chuck he sucks, so he looks into the crowd, and sees the heckler's Rush shirt. He flashes, realizing Rush is the "Music of the Universe" that Morimoto told him about. Chuck asks Morgan if they carry any Rush CDs in the store, and Morgan says, "No need. I got 'em all on my Zune." Chuck, shocked: "You have a Zune?!" Morgan: "No, no. I'll grab my iPod." I love how appalled Chuck would be that Morgan would have a Zune without him knowing it (and I like to think that Morgan owns a secret Zune). Anyway, Chuck somehow knows the mathematical equation of the game occurs by playing along to "Tom Sawyer." I know forum posters have pointed out "facts" such as: The game was released before the song, so it could not have been designed to go with the song. But, like Stephen Colbert, I don't care for facts. And neither does this show; last time I checked, it was about a guy who has a computer in his brain. So I'll just pretend it's also about a world in which "Missile Command" was released after "Tom Sawyer." And ... problem solved.
"Tom Sawyer" plays as Chuck plays; Sarah kicks ass all over the place to stop the bad guys at the news station (this requires taking her jacket off so that she can look even hotter in her tight black tank top); and Casey prepares, with the help of the Air Force, to shoot down the satellite. Sarah eventually gets the Iron Man terrorist cornered, but he won't give up the codes or tell her where the satellite is aimed. Casey and the Air Force guys are counting down. And Chuck reaches the kill screen. He immediately calls Sarah (with Casey listening in), with seconds left, and gives her the code. Well, first he tries to tell her how he did it, and she's like, "Just give me the code." And the code stops World War III. Sarah asks him how it feels to be a hero, and while he likes that he just stopped the world, he turns to the cheering crowd and we all know that he's WAY more excited about having reached the "Missile Command" kill screen. Jeff's awake now, and disappointed in himself.
Apparently the 40-year-old "Missile Command" fans didn't buy much, because Big Mike's not happy about the party. He's so mad, in fact, that he makes Buster the new assistant manager. Buster's agreed to stay on to fix the "sick" branch. He says he's going to perform surgery on the branch, implying that Chuck is the disease he needs to rip out of the branch. Chuck goes to talk to a sad, pathetic Jeff (not that this is any different than our usual Jeff), who's sitting alone on the loading dock. Jeff congratulates Chuck, but Chuck says it was luck. Jeff says he's glad it was Chuck instead of him. He hated being number one anyway, because the whole world is gunning for you when you're number one. Chuck agrees. Jeff asks what the kill screen was like, but he doesn't really want to know, and sends Chuck away. I feel legitimately sad for Jeff. This is why the show shouldn't feature Jeff; I want to just be able to find him funny and gross. I don't want to have any feelings for him.
Chuck arrives home and Ellie runs to give him a hug and tell him how proud she is. He thinks it's about the game, which is stupid because this is Ellie; she wouldn't applaud your gaming even if you were the best in the world. Oh, right, you are. Well, she's still not going to like it. So, no, not that. She's happy because Sarah gave her and Awesome Chuck's diploma from Stanford. Sarah told them Chuck's been taking online classes to finish his 12 credits and graduate. Chuck's shocked. They tell him to celebrate with Sarah, who's waiting out back. He walks out there and thanks her for the fake diploma. She tells him it's real. She and Casey convinced Stanford that his field service should count for something. I absolutely love that Casey was in on this; the guy has a heart. Sarah tells Chuck he earned it, and he thanks her. It's sweet and romantic, so she turns away and points out Morimoto's satellite being burned up. She tells him to make a wish, and it's his. He looks at her with such longing. And ... doesn't that mean he gets her? Doesn't it? Well, no. Because this show hates me.
And, if this were any old episode of Chuck, that would have been the final scene, but because this is actually a show called Jeff, we get one final scene of our title character walking up to the "Missile Command" game in the Buy More and dropping in a quarter as "Tom Sawyer" starts to play. So he wants to reach the kill screen after all. You can go ahead and decide if he did or not. I don't really care.
What else don't I care about? Jill. But she shows up week, trying to convince us all to forget how much we love Sarah.
DeAnn is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.
Is Chuck is really a nerd?