Fade up on the waters of the Pacific rippling onshore as seen through the lens of a still camera. The autofocus is off, which is about the most exciting element of the shot. Cut to Prue, lowering the camera from her face as Phoebe babytalks to herself off-screen. Prue turns her attention to her sister, who sits spread-legged behind a rather rudimentary sand castle. "I hereby proclaim this tower of sand Kingdom Phoebeville!" Feebs perks from beneath her pigtails as I roll my eyes into the back of my skull and claw at my ears. Prue kneels to get an astoundingly dull shot of the seashell Phoebe has placed on the top of the castle. As Phoebe beams girlishly, a wave rolls up, splashing Prue's ankles before chewing away at one of the castle's walls. Prue rises and bounds over to Phoebe. Prue's headlights are on, which is appropriate, given that she's barefoot on a beach in Northern California in mid-March, clad only in a t-shirt and a sarong. I can feel the pneumonia coming on just looking at her. "I don't get it," Prue states, as I tell her to join the club. "You just spent an hour of your life building something that is just going to be completely destroyed in five seconds." Given what happens in this episode, I recognize that they're trying to get all metaphorically existential on the audience's collective ass with that line, but they're failing miserably nevertheless. Feebs bounds to her feet, and the two stroll down the beach as Feebs blathers something about "Phoebeville" living on in the minds of those who had grown to love it. Oy, the tsuris. Phoebe asks Prue why she's so opposed to freezing, mid-March beach non-fun. Prue exposits that they're only there to give Piper and the Dolt a little privacy back at the manor, given that the newlyweds have chosen to delay their honeymoon. Phoebe, still with the babytalk, asks Prue if there isn't some deeper problem she has with the outing. Prue natters on about how beaches give her the creeps, as Grams took the sisters to the beach after their mother's funeral to try to get their minds off her death. "Something about the sand and the ocean makes me angry," she allows, as if she needs an excuse to be a bitch. She asks Phoebe if their mother's death doesn't anger her as well. Phoebe replies that it makes her feel "sad," not angry. Prue doesn't "do sad," and reminds Phoebe that she didn't even cry at their mother's memorial service. Phoebe deduces that seeing their mother at Piper's recent wedding set off Prue's current lousy mood, and decides to abandon the beach non-fun in favor of a couple of lattes. Only she does this by pouting out some drivel about "Princess Prue" and "Queen Phoebe" decreeing that "Phoebeville" will be moved inland or something. Don't make me rewind the dialogue again. I've already punctured both eardrums with the blade of my Swiss Army knife, and we're not even two minutes into this episode. Shut up, Phoebe. Please.
Prue thinks the lattes are an excellent idea. As Phoebe runs back to gather up their belongings and Prue turns to photograph a seagull, the shot shifts to another through-the-camera-lens POV. Someone is photographing Prue photographing the birds. That someone is revealed to be Ruth Bader Ginsburg. A Ruth Bader Ginsburg decades younger than the Supreme Court justice we all know and love, but still. Ruth looks fabulous, albeit a little JAPpy, with a tasteful, flowing scarf tied around her neck, tasteful, dangling faux-pearl earrings, and tasteful sunglasses perched on top of her head. Prue inexplicably turns to focus her camera directly on Ruth, and fires off a couple of shots. A ghostly greyish-black smear appears in the frame to Ruth. Prue lowers her camera to call out to Ruth, but Ruth spins on her heels and scampers off, the smear trailing along behind her. Phoebe bounds over, wondering what's wrong. Prue tells her what she saw, describing the smear as a "demonic shadow." Phoebe asks if the shadow was "like a Woogy." Prue notes the smear was "way spookier" than the Woogyman. I beg to differ, having seen the Woogyman in the second-season premiere, but my protest falls on deaf ears. Prue tells Phoebe she's pretty sure she got a picture of the smear. Phoebe supposes the lattes are off, and announces to no one in particular, "Looks like there's a new demon in town."
Two or three of them, actually. Cut to the former Chez Belthazor. A balding, beefy, black-suited enforcer type (I know, aren't they all?) who I'm calling "Moe" glides silently across the room, hovering a few inches above the carpet. I'm sure someone on the boards is going to claim that Charmed ripped this effect off from the "Hush" episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and I'm inclined to give that person a Kewpie doll for being correct. An Alice Ghostley type addresses Moe's companion, asking him if the two men "are new in town." Moe's partner in demonic crime tells Alice that they are. The partner is ugly in a way that nearly defies description. His eyes are practically on either side of his face, making him look like a fetus -- species unknown. His mouth is somewhat misshapen, and his gruesome head is topped off with a greasy tangle of dark brown curls. It's all so very...gross. Alice, who apparently owns the apartment building, tells the two she's down with the whole "alternative lifestyle" thing; she just doesn't like noise. Okay, they finally acknowledge the gay and lesbian population of San Francisco, and they do it with a line about "alternative lifestyles"? Shut up, Alice. And shut up, Hack Who Wrote This Episode. Christ. Alice blithers on about Cole, "the tenant," noting that while he was "strange" and "disappeared without a trace," she never had any complaints about noise, so she liked him. Moe opens up Cole's little demon cupboard, which has been stripped bare of daggers and pentagrams and goat's blood and whatnot. He tells FetusHead the "altar" is filled with the Colethazor's "demonic residue." Alice begins to wig out. FetusHead menaces, telling Alice that because she neglected to show them Cole's demon cupboard, they're inclined to believe there are other things about Cole she's keeping from them. FetusHead levitates above the carpet and glides over to Alice as she begins to hyperventilate with fear. She tries to splutter out a denial that she knows anything more about Cole, but FetusHead shuts her up. "Don't try to talk," he says. "Your brain stem will do the talking for you." Moe grabs her from behind and bites into the back of her skull, making some sucking noises as she screams. Moe then drops Alice's corpse face-first to the carpet. As he wipes blood and grey matter from his fanged mouth, FetusHead asks him if the Colethazor's still alive. Big Beef reveals that Alice didn't know. "But she knows someone who might," he adds. Don't ask me how they'd get that information from her goddamned brain stem rather than the parts of her brain that, oh, actually store memory, because I won't be able to give you an answer. FetusHead's misshapen mouth pulls out into a smile as we cut to the credits.
Fade up on the Golden Gate Bridge, because during the commercial we all forgot we were in San Francisco. Cross fade to Halliwell Manor. Inside, Piper fusses about her outfit, supposing something white would be more appropriate for "a Whitelighter reception" than the dark pink top she's currently wearing. The Dolt reassures her that what she has on is fine, and that "all [his] friends are going to love [her]." He has friends? Sorry, cheap shot. I couldn't resist. Piper gives the Dolt a sidelong glance and wonders why Phoebe and Prue can't come along for the ride. The Dolt tells her that orbing Piper up to Whitelighterland is fine because she is now his wife, but he can't act as some sort of "cosmic taxi for the whole family." Phoebe, who has entered the hallway from upstairs carrying the Book of Shadows, chuckles because the Dolt said "wife." Whatever, Phoebe. Piper and the Dolt prepare to leave. Phoebe stops them, wondering what she and Prue should do if the smear returns. The Dolt assures her that he and Piper will be "within calling distance." Phoebe instructs them to enjoy themselves and "bring [her] back a cloud." The Dolt wraps his arms around Piper, and the two orb out. Prue enters, fresh from her darkroom. She tells Phoebe she needs to call Detective Darryl to enlist his aid in finding Ruth. The photos Prue just developed for some reason do not include an image of the smear. Dorian Gregory wasn't in the credits, so don't expect him to drop in at any point in the fifty minutes. Prue asks Phoebe if she found anything in the BoS. Phoebe notes she hasn't as the doorbell rings. As she strides over to answer the door, she complains to Prue that she "didn't have much to go on," implying that they might still find an entry on ghostly greyish-black smears once they have more information.
Phoebe opens the door to find Inspector Reese Davidson on the manor porch. Phoebe asks, "How can I help you?" He tells her she can start by telling him where Cole's been hanging out. Phoebe folds her arms beneath her ample bosom and plays dumb while Prue puts on her best poker face to look on from the hall. Reese fills Phoebe in on Alice's recent grisly demise. Despite Phoebe's protests to the contrary, Reese is convinced Cole is the killer. He lays it on thick, his attitude betraying an unhealthy obsession with Cole. Yes, I realize accusing someone of having an unhealthy obsession with Cole sounds silly coming from me, but deal with it. Alice's "eyes were frozen open in terror," he tells Phoebe as Prue, in an approximation of the stage direction "gazes down at the floor in dismay," gazes down at the floor in, um, dismay. Alice's "skull was punctured in two places," Reese continues, "and by the time the police got there, most of her brains had spilled out onto the floor." Not buying it. Moe and FetusHead left the corpse lying face down. Maybe Reese is embellishing a bit for effect, but whatever. Reese barrels on, practically accusing Phoebe of abetting the murder. Prue picks up on this and orders Reese to reel it in a bit, as Phoebe had nothing to do with the crime. Reese counters that if Phoebe is lying about Cole's whereabouts, she might as well have been present at the scene. Phoebe remains silent, but the Cole Guilt Goggle creeps across her face. Reese, getting all up in said face, insists, "I'm gonna find him, Miss Halliwell, and then I'm gonna bust his ass. Then, I'm gonna bust yours."
Reese turns to head down the front steps to the street as Prue sidles over to Phoebe's side. Phoebe again protests Cole's innocence. Prue tells Phoebe she needs to convince the police of that fact, not Prue. As Prue and Phoebe watch Reese approach his car, Prue is shocked to see Ruth step out to confer with him. She tells Phoebe that Ruth is the woman from the beach as the smear appears at Ruth's side. Phoebe cannot, of course, see the smear. As Ruth and Reese get back into the car, Phoebe wonders if Ruth's under orders to trail the sisters. Prue's more worried about the smear, and guesses the smear is somehow related to Alice's murder. She supposes further that, as she alone can see the smear, she alone is meant "to fight it." She announces she will follow Ruth to protect her, and orders Phoebe to find Cole, as he might have further information. Prue trundles out of the manor as Phoebe grabs her forehead, clutches her non-existent pearls, and shuts the door.
The Hardest Working Cemetery in Show Business. Inside the Mausoleum's mausoleum, Cole announces that, in the interest of Phoebe's safety, he would do best to disappear for a while. Phoebe counters that she's more concerned for her sanity than her safety, insisting that she can't handle another enforced separation. Cole reminds Phoebe that demons unknown are after him, and if they killed his former landlady, chances are pretty good they'll be coming after Phoebe herself eventually. Phoebe again tries to persuade him to remain, but he's not having it. Cole moves to leave the Mausoleum's mausoleum, but Phoebe stops him with a profession of her love. "If holding onto that [love] means I have to fight a couple of demons along the way," she states, "then bring 'em on." Cole moves back to her side while reminding her that they have no clue what they're supposed to be fighting. Phoebe pulls him into an embrace, reassuring him that they'll figure things out together. "Trust me," she tells him, "avenging an innocent feels pretty damn good." And so, the attempted rehabilitation of the Colethazor continues. Cole smiles above Phoebe as we cut to a Prue POV of Reese's car parked in the rain. Inside, Reese and Ruth go through her photos of Prue on the beach. Ruth can find "nothing remotely suspicious" in the photos. "Unless you consider hot pink pedicures subversive," she adds with a smirk. Snicker. Ruth goes on to note that she can't really picture the Halliwells as merry murderesses. Reese tells her to carry on with the surveillance nonetheless, leading her to ask him what he's hiding from her about the case. Reese prevaricates, allowing nothing by way of response. Ruth urges him to take the night off and get some sleep. He replies by telling her to drop the Halliwell dossier off at his office on her way home. Ruth rolls her eyes, wishes him a good night, and steps out of the car. Prue switches off the SUV's engine and gets out to follow her.
Cut to the former Chez Belthazor. Cole and Phoebe jimmy the lock on the door, and slide under the crime scene tape to enter the apartment. Why he didn't just squiggle them on over from the cemetery is anyone's guess. Phoebe spots a rather small bloodstain on the carpet and mutters, "Oh, God." Cole instructs Phoebe to use the back of her hand if she wants to try to induce any premonitions, as she shouldn't be marking up the place with her fingerprints. But leaving fingerprints all over the front door is okay, I guess. She begins to run her hand over various objects as he crosses to peer into his former bedroom. Phoebe moves to his side and asks if there's anything wrong. They share a nice little scene wherein Cole reminisces about feeling "normal for the first time" in the apartment when he would wake up to her in bed. At such moments, he tells her, he "started to believe [his] own lie" about their relationship. Phoebe strokes his cheek, reminding him that the relationship is no longer a lie, and that they "can have a life together." When he asks her how that would be possible, she responds, "By taking out the bad guys who would take it away from us." Cole smiles a bit sadly, not really believing her. As much as I like him and the two of them together, something about this exchange makes me think he's not going to make it through the rest of the season. Phoebe turns and runs the back of her hand along Cole's former demonic cupboard and is tossed into the premonition she'd been looking for. Prue, Reese, FetusHead, and Moe are in some sort of chapel. Moe bites into Reese's skull to commence with the brain sucking, as Prue gasps in shock and turns away. Phoebe fills Cole in on the details of her vision, and he recognizes the demons as "Seekers." "Seekers"? That name is so lame it's confined to a motorized wheelchair that it operates by blowing into a little tube at its mouth. Anyway, Cole doesn't know how to vanquish the brain-sucking vampires. Phoebe proposes a little BoS research, and the two head back to the manor.
Reese's office. Ruth enters, and starts at the sight of FetusHead sitting in the shadows at Reese's desk. Moe glides down from the ceiling behind her as she quizzes FetusHead on his presence. FetusHead inquires after Reese. Ruth turns and starts again when she sees Moe smiling mildly at her. Ruth tells them she doesn't know if her partner will be back that night. FetusHead leans forward into the light from the desk lamp, asking, "Are you sure about that?" Ruth fiddles nervously with her purse strap as we cut to a shot of Prue entering the hall outside the office. Prue hears Ruth's muffled scream, and heads to the door. Inside, Moe's completed the brain sucking and notes that Ruth really didn't know anything. FetusHead supposes this means Reese has a couple of secrets as Prue TKs the door open. FetusHead and Moe glance at each other, then fade into black and white and dematerialize in a wipe from their feet up. The ghostly greyish-black smear appears in a corner of the office. Prue tosses an ineffective round of TK at it. It gradually assumes the shape of a craggy, dirty blond in black clothing, who introduces himself as Death. Death desperately needs a haircut and a facial scrub. He also appeared once on Zoe, Duncan, Jack, and Jane, so we know he has some experience with lifeless things. Death tells Prue he's "beyond [her] powers," and stretches his hand towards the almost-corpse of Ruth on the floor. Ruth's glowing spirit, or soul, or life essence, or what-the-hell-ever rises from the floor and takes his hand. Death promises Prue he'll be back. Ruth's spirit merges with Death, who then smears on out of the office. Prue looks either puzzled, dismayed, or vacant, and we cut to commercial.
Manor parlor. Phoebe sits on the couch, paging through the BoS as Cole perches a little way away from her on the arm of the sofa. Phoebe stumbles across the entry for the Suckers, which is accompanied by a watercolor of the demons in question. The watercolor makes me think the prop department creates these pages long before the tertiary characters are cast, because the two guys in the painting look nothing like FetusHead and Moe. The BoS explains that Suckers are "distant cousins of vampires [who] gather information by feeding on their victims' brain stem cells." Which we already knew. Thanks for nothing, Book of Shadows. And shut up while you're at it. Oh, God. I'm talking to a goddamned book. Gah. Anyway, the BoS also helpfully includes a vanquishing spell, which Phoebe offers to show Cole. He leaps to his feet and backs away, reminding Phoebe that the "last time [he] touched the book, it electrocuted [him]." Phoebe reminds him that his "intentions were evil" at the time, and tells him that perhaps the BoS knows he's now good. Cole isn't taking any chances. Prue storms through the front door at that moment, demanding a little quality time with the BoS. She's slightly annoyed to find Cole in the parlor, but drops it after a brief snark. Prue fills the other two in on Ruth's untimely demise, and confirms that the Suckers were responsible. She correctly guesses the Suckers' ultimate target is Cole, and glares in his general direction. He rises, suggesting that he deal with the problem on his own. Phoebe shoots this idea down, reminding Cole that he can't vanquish the Suckers without some Halliwell help. Prue reminds both of them that they have the smear to deal with as well, and rises to call for the Dolt. The Dolt orbs in with Piper and a fugly little lamp that looks like the Gandarium crystals that shot out of Mel Glibson's chest on Roswell a couple of weeks ago. The Dolt tells them the lamp is "a wedding present." "Bright, isn't it?" Piper perks through clenched teeth. Snerk. Glaah. First, I'm talking to the goddamned BoS, and now I'm more than mildly amused at Piper's bitchery. This show must be stopped before it succeeds in melting my brain completely.
Prue cuts to the chase, asking the Dolt if the Angel of Death really exists. He confirms this, and Prue reveals that she just met him. A round of goggling disbelief for everyone in the parlor. Prue fills them all in on her encounter, adding that Death promised to return. She surmises he's returning for Reese. Cole and the Dolt tell her that Death isn't colluding with the Suckers, as "Death isn't evil." Prue strenuously begs to differ. She proposes to get Reese into the manor, where she can better protect him. Piper chimes in with an objection: if they are to do that, they must also let Reese in on their big Wiccan secret. Prue doesn't care, as she is determined not to let Death win. The Dolt, still clutching the Gandarium lamp, looks concerned as Prue's little anti-Death rant amps up. Prue tells Phoebe to fetch Davidson's business card. Cole looks guilty, then excuses himself to the hallway. The Dolt beams at the Gandarium lamp, then beams some more at Piper. Piper's expression says it all for me: Shut up, Dolt.
In the hall, Cole raises a hand to his forehead and squiggles out of the manor. Cut to Davidson's office, where a coroner's assistant draws a sheet over Ruth's corpse. Reese blames himself for Ruth's death as his pager bleats. He excuses himself to take Prue's call, and the camera pulls back to reveal FetusHead and Moe in the background. They step around the remains of Ruth to follow Reese into the hallway. Outside the office, Cole confronts Reese and orders him to leave the Ps alone, promising to tell Reese whatever he wants to know. Cole moves to grab Reese, who bats Cole's hand away. Reese blithers a bit in righteous indignation as Cole senses the presence of the Suckers. He grabs Reese and squiggles out as FetusHead and Moe round the corner. They reach Cole's most recent position and "sense" the squiggle. Cut to Cole and Reese squiggling into the Mausoleum's mausoleum where, for some reason, the lights are on and several banks of candles glow in the shadows. That's some cemetery service for you. Davidson immediately drops to his knees, panting. Cole, in Colethazor mode, menaces out an apology as Davidson gasps out a demand for an explanation of what just happened. The Colethazor casually (and amusingly) instructs Reese to "just breathe. Try to calm down." "What are you?" Reese asks from the floor. The Colethazor turns and mutters, "Someone who just saved your life," as he slowly approaches Reese. Reese skitters backwards to Cole's father's bier, begging the Colethazor to let him go. The Colethazor icily replies that he can't let Reese go, as the "demons" will kill Reese if he does. Should they kill him, they'll realize that the way to vanquish Cole is to kill Phoebe. Or something. "Demons?" Reese splutters in a panic. The Colethazor leans in to reveal that when he uses the word "demon," he doesn't "mean it as a metaphor."
Manor. The Dolt lovingly sets the Gandarium lamp on a table. Piper silently disapproves of the placement. Prue wonders why Davidson hasn't returned her call as Phoebe enters to announce Cole's disappearance. She guesses Cole went after Reese alone to protect the sisters, and suggests that the two might be hiding in the Mausoleum's mausoleum. Upon learning that the Mausoleum's mausoleum might have been the location of Reese's death from Phoebe's earlier premonition, Piper proposes they head immediately to the Hardest Working Cemetery in Show Business. Prue tells them she can astrally project herself there faster. The Dolt reminds her that the Sucker vanquish is a Power of Three. Prue announces her plan is not to vanquish the vampires, but rather to "protect Reese long enough to get him out of there." She reassures Phoebe that her premonition will not come true, and turns to leave. Phoebe and Piper impotently gaze at their shoes.
Mausoleum's mausoleum. Reese struggles a bit with the Colethazor as FetusHead and Moe wipe into view. Reese goggles and gapes and gasps and hyperventilates. Shut up, Reese. FetusHead addresses Cole as "Belthazor" and reveals that he and Moe picked up on the squiggling vibes Cole left at the courthouse. The Colethazor initially plays dumb, then approaches the brain suckers, telling them to leave Davidson alone. Moe growls that Reese must have information Cole doesn't want to share as AP Prue glimmers in at the Colethazor's side. "Need some help?" she asks, winking at him. Reese goggles and gapes and gasps and hyperventilates. Again: Shut up, Reese. FetusHead: "Well, well. The mighty Belthazor, in bed with a witch." AP Prue: "Don't make me sick." Hey, don't knock it 'til you've tried it, honey. Not that I'd, you know, know anything about it. I'm just sayin'. Reese goggles and gapes and gasps and hyperventilates. GOD, Reese. Shut. UP. These people are professionals. Let them do their damn job. Reese doesn't listen to me, and bolts for the exit. Proof once again that I have to stop talking to the funny little people in my television. Moe slams Reese into a wall. AP Prue runs to his side as the Colethazor slams FetusHead through a stone pillar. Moe moves to suck on the unconscious Reese's brain stem. AP Prue kicks Moe through a large stone urn. She turns to check on Davidson as the Death Smear, um, smears in over him. Death materializes fully as the Colethazor calls for AP Prue's help. AP Prue glances over, notes that FetusHead and Moe are throttling the Colethazor, and decides to ignore the three of them. She faces Death and insists she won't let him scamper off with Reese's spirit. Or soul. Or life essence. Whatever. She tries to land a couple of kicks on the chest of Death, but her feet move right through his body. The Colethazor looks over and sees nothing but AP Prue kicking the air. Death announces that he never loses, and that it's Reese's "time." "Over my dead body," AP Prue retorts, and Death smiles as if that idea's not half bad. Snicker. Meanwhile, the Colethazor has managed to hurl the brain suckers across the room. He tosses a Flaming Ball Of Death at them, but they dematerialize before it hits them. Death himself, apparently thwarted momentarily by the vampires' exit, smears out. AP Prue bends to check Davidson as we cut to commercial.
Manor parlor. Piper and the Dolt bicker about the fugly Gandarium lamp. Piper continues to use the word "bright" to mean "that crap-ass piece of shit is not staying in this house on my watch, pallie, so throw it the fuck away now." The Dolt insists that the light represents their "eternal love." Phoebe, from the couch, shoots the Dolt a look that indicates she'll vomit if he carries on in that vein. Make note of the following, because I say it so rarely: Word, Phoebe. Piper asks Phoebe for her opinion. Phoebe knows better than to get involved in this "discussion," and is fortuitously interrupted by Cole and Prue returning from the Hardest Working Cemetery in Show Business. Cole has the still-unconscious Davidson slung over his shoulder in a fireman's carry as he bitches Prue out for not assisting him with the brain suckers. Cole places Davidson on the couch, and he and Prue fill the others in on recent events. Prue incorrectly interprets Death's departure as meaning she "vanquished" him. The Dolt tells her that "that's not possible." Prue points to the still-breathing Reese as proof that it is indeed possible. Cole reminds Prue that Reese's current well-being is temporary, as the brain suckers are certain to return. Prue snits that their return will be Cole's fault, and that he "[isn't] exactly a team player." Piper chimes in with an agreement, noting that Cole was to have remained at the manor. Cole asserts that he did the right thing by placing himself in harm's way, as it would be better for the brain suckers to come after him than the sisters. Phoebe crosses to him and gently reminds him of all he knows about the Ps. If he were to fail in his fight with the Suckers, the brain suckers could use the information they pull from Cole to destroy the Charmed Ones. Whitelighter Barbie pronounces the situation "complicated" and leaves to consult The Powers That Be.
Reese comes to just as the Dolt orbs up out of the parlor. He leaps to his feet and pulls out his weapon. Not like that. Ew. Prue tries to pass off the orbing as a result of Reese's head injury, but he's not buying it. Prue and Cole attempt to persuade Davidson to remain in the manor. Cole notes that Reese's gun is no match against "three witches and a demon." Reese…what was it again? Oh yeah: Reese goggles and gapes and gasps and hyperventilates. Just die already, Reese. Prue reveals that, in addition to the brain suckers, the Angel of Death himself wants to dance with Davidson. Cole moves to prevent Reese from leaving, but Piper tells him to can it. Davidson scuttles out the front door as Piper tells Cole that the sisters "don't kidnap cops and then hold them against their will." Phoebe makes "let's follow the cop" noises, and tells Cole to stay put. He asks if he's meant to do nothing. Piper confirms this: "No shimmering, and lock the door behind us." Snicker. She then asks Prue if she'll be joining them. Prue replies in the negative, claiming the "demons are just pawns" and that she's "going over their heads." Piper, Phoebe, and Cole all look like they think that's a bad idea, but say nothing.
Fade to a shot of the sun rising over the city skyline. Fade again to the beach from the pre-credits sequence. The camera swirls around Prue as she recites, "Spirits of air, sand, and sea/Converge to set the Angel free./In the wind I send this rhyme./Bring Death before me before my time." Death pops in to say howdy. Actually, he says, "Are you sure you want me?" Let's get this out of the way here: his accent, while British, is far less annoying than any of the attempts at British accents I've heard on this show. What is annoying is that is that the funny accent is always British on this show. Would it be so difficult to make Death, oh, I don't know, Belgian? Anyway, aside from that, they've done a neat little thing with the dialogue track in this scene. Both of their lines are clearly overdubbed, presumably to minimize the ambient noise from the ocean behind them. The ambient ocean noise, however, is more muffled underneath his lines than hers. It's more than a little creepy, and -- dare I say it? More than a little cool. Alrighty then, back to the scene. Death accuses Prue of wasting his time, and proceeds to wonder why she summoned him. "Did I take your husband? Or was it your brother?" he asks, walking across the sand towards Prue. "Your mother," he correctly guesses, and Prue starts to cry. Death lays a little supernatural science on Prue, correctly unraveling her sublimated motives for fighting him. He's seen it all before: "The anger. The pain. You lock up your tears and steel yourself against me as if I were the ultimate evil." "You are the ultimate evil," she insists. Wrong! Thanks for playing, Prue. Death, as Prue has been told already in this episode, is neither evil nor good. He just is. Until Prue can accept this fact, she'll be wasting her own time and keep "miss[ing] the bigger picture." Prue wonders what said bigger picture is. Death extends a hand, offering to show her while telling her not to worry, as "it's not [her] time…or not just yet, anyway," he deadpans. Get it? Huh? Deadpans? Oy. I can't believe I went there. I'll shut up now. Prue tentatively places her hand in his, and I must note that Death's hand's are frigging huge. Death and Prue smear off the beach.
The Hardest Working Cemetery in Show Business. Ruth Bader Ginsburg is being laid to rest. No, not the Supreme Court justice. The cop. Reese is in attendance. The presiding rabbi recites (of course), "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death blah blah we-get-it-cakes," then launches into a prayer in Hebrew. Problems I already have with this scene: a. the rabbi has a heavy, bushy beard that makes him look like he just stepped into the frame from an Ultra-Orthodox shtetl, even though Ruth struck me as more of a Reform kind of gal; b. I find it extremely unlikely that the Hardest Working Cemetery in Show Business is this ecumenical, and even if it were, I doubt Ruth's family would have her buried there; c. Reese is not wearing a yarmulke. How frigging rude. The camera pulls away from the service to reveal Piper and Phoebe in the SUV, eyeing Davidson. Phoebe's on the cell phone with Cole at the manor. He's climbing the walls from boredom. She tells him to cram it, as spending sixteen hours in the SUV is no slice of pie, either. FetusHead and Moe approach Reese. Reese agrees to speak with the Suckers, as long as they leave Ruth's grieving family alone. The rabbi drones on. Reese leads the Suckers away from the funeral in progress. Piper and Phoebe dart out of the SUV to follow. Davidson and the Suckers enter a large white marble chapel that is either Roman Catholic or Episcopal. Creepy larger-than-life statues of the twelve apostles gaze down on the three men as Moe bars the wrought-iron gates shut with a ceremonial candle-lighting staff thing. I managed to make it through Catholic school without being an altar boy, so I don't know what the thing's called. Sue me. Piper and Phoebe run up and pound on the gates, telling Reese to get out of the chapel. FetusHead's misshapen mouth curls into a sneer. Reese pulls out his automatic and fires at the Suckers. The bullets pass harmlessly through them to shatter several vases behind them. After Reese has emptied his clip, Moe glides over as FetusHead demands to know where "Belthazor" is. Davidson makes a "whuh?" noise as Death smears into the chapel with Prue. Moe starts in with the brain sucking. Prue gasps in shock and turns her back on the scene. "It's his time," Death intones, "just as it was your mother's time. Stop fighting me." Piper and Phoebe shout for Prue to open the gates. Sucking complete, Moe and FetusHead wipe out of the chapel. Death walks over to Davidson, who gives up the ghost. Reese's ghost smears into Death, and Death smears out. Prue gazes at the corpse, stricken. Commercial.
Oh, hello, shirtless Hugh Jackman.
Back from shirtless Hugh Jackman, Piper and Phoebe, having managed to break open the chapel gates, enter and ask Prue if she's okay. She's fine. How'd she get in? Death brought her. What? She doesn't understand it herself. Why did she let the Suckers kill the cop? Because it was the cop's time. What? She's sorry, she's oh-so-very sorry. Piper glares. Phoebe looks concerned. A lonely tear of regret makes its way down Prue's right cheek. Prue kneels by the corpse, grabs its hand, and tearfully apologizes again and again. Hello? You just saw Death smear out of there with him, Prue. Reese isn't there anymore. Stop wasting my time and your breath.
Fade to the manor. Cole moves to answer the ringing phone in the hall as FetusHead wipes in. Cole asks FetusHead if he's ever heard of a doorbell. FetusHead says, "We thought we'd surprise you," and swivels the fetus head on its fetus neck to look up at Moe, who's been crouching on the banister above like a gargoyle. Moe leaps, tackling Cole to the floor as the answering machine picks up the call. It's Phoebe, calling on the cell from the SUV. She tells Cole to get out of the house. Prue wonders from the back seat if she should send AP Prue on ahead. Piper, at the wheel, thinks the three "should stick together," and speeds up, running a red light and nearly causing an accident. Back in the manor, Cole (in Colethazor mode) and the Suckers maul each other, as well as a lot of the furniture. Moe crashes through a table. FetusHead head-butts the Colethazor into a bookcase. The Colethazor kicks FetusHead in the stomach, sending him flying backwards. FetusHead regains his balance in mid-air and levitates. The Colethazor tosses a couple of FBODs in FetusHead's direction. FetusHead dodges both, and they proceed to vanquish a picture and a plant stand. Moe boots the Colethazor into another bookcase. The gals are going to be pissed off when they see what the boys are doing to their house. Oh, hello, Cleansing Burst Of Synchronicity. The Ps trundle through the front door just as Moe leans in to suck Cole's brain stem. Wow. That sounds filthy and it's totally not. Prue TKs Moe into a table, where he vanquishes a lamp. She follows him and begins to kick his ass without mercy. Yes! Demon ass-kicking! Phoebe gives FetusHead the same treatment as Piper -- always useless in a fistfight -- helps Cole to his feet. Cole gazes over at Prue, who's working through her issues with Death by kicking Moe into a bloody pulp. He grabs her arm, stopping her with "don't." She joins Piper and Phoebe to recite the Sucker vanquish: "Knowledge gained by murderous means is wisdom's bitter enemy. The mind that burns with stolen fire will now become your funeral pyre." Appropriately, Moe and FetusHead clutch their heads as gouts of flame shoot from their mouths. Both soon disappear into balls of fire.
Phoebe crosses to plant a wet one on Cole's lips as Prue sighs, "Well, at least we saved one." Phoebe breaks the liplock to tell her demon boyfriend, "Well. You just reached innocent status." She continues, turning to beam at her sisters, "To Prue, no one is more important." Prue makes with the "aw, shucks, t'weren't nuthin'" face as the Dolt orbs in behind her. Piper scolds him for arriving there a little too late to be of any use. The Dolt reveals TPTB ordered him to stay away, as Prue had An Important Lesson To Learn. Prue's all "message received," and exits. Piper takes the Dolt by the hand and leads him over to the fugly Gandarium lamp. In the background, Phoebe and Cole share a devilish look of glee and scamper off together out of the frame, presumably to fornicate. Piper tells the Dolt she's decided to drop her issues with the lamp, as "life is too short" to bicker endlessly about such things. "If you like it," she says, "I like it." The two embrace, inadvertently knocking the fugly lamp to the floor. It shatters. Piper: "Now I like it even more." Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
NOT.
Fade to the beach. Prue, sweater-clad with a knit cap pulled down to her ears, sits on the rocks, staring at the waves. Death pops in for a little visit. "Contemplating the tides?" he asks. "Can't control them any more than you can control me." Prue, changing the topic entirely, tells Death she now understands that he isn't evil, but she still doesn't understand why she wasn't supposed to help Reese at the chapel. Death reminds her that she was "alone and outnumbered" at the time. She insists she still could have fought the Suckers anyway. "And you would have lost, Prue," Death replies. Prue asks how he knew her name. She was on his list, apparently, right after Reese. She would have died had she not stopped resisting Death. Wrap your minds around that one. There must have been several bongs circulating the writers' room when they hashed out this scene. Heh. "Hashed." Get it? I need help. Prue, having focused her anger on the Angel of Death, left herself unguarded against the "real evils of this world." This, supposedly, is the "bigger picture" Death discussed with her earlier. No, I don't get it, either. I don't come up with this crap; I just write about it. Death senses that Prue needs more of an answer than that, and asks her what's wrong now. She allows that she's been angry with him for so long, she doesn't "know how else to be." "You grieve," he responds, "and then you move on." Whatever. He eyes her evenly, then smears out. Prue finally cries for her mommy as we fade to black.
week, Piper and the Dolt take a shower together. I was immediately struck blind and deaf by that initial scene in the promo while the vacuum tube in my television spontaneously imploded, so I can tell you no more of what's supposed to happen Thursday. If you want me, I'll be gouging my now-useless eyes out with some glass shards from the TV screen.