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Mia and Jason seem to go swimmingly and Mia jogs in fur, which (sorry, PETA) is amazing. To make amends, she becomes the foster parent to a dog (per the suggestion of the awesome Mary Testa) and tries to convince it to love her. Jason falls asleep during an encouragingly suggestive almost-sex scene. Wallace Shawn works for the pet adoption service and decides that Mia isn't ready for a dog. She becomes determined to show that she is, in fact, ready. But, she's not really. She decides that she and Jason aren't right for each other because they aren't all over each other all of the time, and she may be right about that one. She decides that because she feels more right about the dog than about Jason, she has to have it.
Zoë gets really type-A with mommy duties now that she's unemployed. Eric tries to get her to recharge, but she's "go, go, go." She tries to learn Italian, and we learn that Adam the Manny speaks it fluently. Pretty. Clayton keeps trying to ask her questions about the Tate deal that they worked on together. It sounds like it might be falling apart without her. It looks like she's going back.
Juliet has to fight a takeover bid from a corporate raider. Also, Gerard decides that he wants a new architect for the project that they're working on. She and the raider, Len Dinerstein, do that urbane flirting thing where they act like they are burning holes through the other person's head with their eyes. She goes on a date with him, but he buys even more stock in her company, furthering his takeover bid. Zoë asks Juliet to interview Eric for the architect position. She does so, hesitantly, and Gerard hires him.
Lily Parish is in a tizzy because Zac Posen drops them from his show. I guess they were the sponsors of his show? This apparently means that Caitlin has to find a new designer, so she chooses this young guy right out of design school. She keeps talking about how she's giving him the chance of a lifetime, but he doesn't finish his designs in time for Fashion Week. So, Caitlin gets the bright idea to send all of the models down the runway in matching flesh-colored swimsuits with crazy doo-dads on their eyes. It Kills! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Mia dated a brain surgeon. Juliet was working with a sexy European hotelier. Zoë quit her job because Clayton got credit for her work.
Mia and Jason are jogging together in a park when they get all competitive and start racing. Mia is wearing fur. It's wrong and amazing. If this show were this level of ridiculous all of the time, I bet I could find a way to like it. After their run, Jason and Mia try to make plans to meet for a meal that day, but Jason's too busy. It is decided that he will pay Mia a pre-planned booty call come midnight.
Zoë is talking to Juliet on the phone, while in bed and wearing pajamas. For the first time ever. Eric thinks a headhunter is calling Zoë, but she explains that some guy named Len Dinerstein (most unfortunate name) is a corporate raider and is going after Juliet's company. Eric recommends that Zoë make up for all the sleep she has missed out on over the years, but it doesn't look like she's going to take his advice. Zoë tries to get all Type-A regarding mommy tasks, but Eric tells her that everything is taken care of. One might argue that, were a person even remotely interested in the minutiae of her children's lives (see: "Luke's Spanish workbook"), she'd be aware that someone else in her house took care of those details every day that she's not thinking about them. But to argue with this show is futile.
Later, Juliet and Zoë are leaving a café. Juliet is on the phone telling some reporter that she can't comment on Len Dinerstein except to compliment him on his business savvy for investing in her company. Zoë offers Juliet part of some confection that is hidden in a paper bag, and tells her that Len Dinerstein's buying five million shares of her company is "him wanting to take a closer look." She likens it to the company being a mail-order bride whose airfare has just been paid. Another b-school beatitude? Classy. Juliet refuses Zoë's treat, then asks for a little bit, then takes the whole thing. Meanwhile, Zoë goes on this weird industrial film-like explanation of ways companies can avoid hostile takeovers. Zoë warns Juliet that Len is going to want to check out his bride. Gross.
At the Lily Parish offices, Lily herself (again played by Christine Ebersole, who I just recently saw in Applause. She was terrific!) comes into Caitlin's office screaming that Zac Posen has dropped them from his show. He is going with an Icelandic company called Fase. Lily says that this is Caitlin's fault (no reason given). Caitlin says that it's an "Icelandic Hostile Makeover." Lily tells her to fix it; then she's out of there.
Mia gets to work, where Wendy (Awesome! Mary Testa!) is waiting in her office to tell Mia that she needs to pull a cover. Mia tells Wendy that she needs a few moments and a tranquilizer before she can talk to her. Oh, and Wendy has a dog with her. His name is Wylie Jim, and she found him on the street. She's the dog's foster parent until he gets a permanent home. Mia bends down and talks kissy-doggy to Wylie. Wendy suggests that Mia take Wylie. She can't, she says. Why doesn't Wendy? "Six dogs is just weird," Wendy intones. Funniest line on the series. Testa's a champ! Wendy convinces Mia to take over fostering duties, before Mia realizes that Wylie has bad breath.
Zoë is learning Italian with some sort of audio teacher when Adam comes in. He notices that she's speaking Italian, so he whips out his own pretty fluent knowledge of the language. Yum. Zoë starts kind of taking over Adam's territory. She changes his plans for what he was going to make for dinner. So, he says he'll go pick up supplies for Sasha's Go Green project. Zoë thinks that sounds like fun, so she volunteers to do it. But! She has to ask what it is. They were going to do a project testing plants growing in liquids other than water. Zoë says that they can do better. Then, Clayton calls her. He wants Zoë's advice on the Tate account they worked on together. Zoë hangs up on him. This storyline feels too inevitable. Like, from the moment we saw Zoë in bed this morning, we got it. We don't really need to see her in the rest of the episode. Domesticity doesn't suit her. Done.
Juliet is arguing with Gerard. He wants to fire the architect hired for the project they're working on together. She says it's too expensive to change architects, but he persists. She tells Gerard that she is meeting Len Dinerstein's people, but she's wrong; she's meeting Len Dinerstein himself. He walks into her always-open office; Juliet could really use more of a gatekeeper type of assistant. She introduces Gerard and Len. After Gerard leaves, Len says that he doesn't see the company's relationship with Gerard going anywhere because his business model is driven by the whims of b-list actors and Eurotrash. Um, those types of people actually keep a lot of hotels afloat. This dude is whack. Juliet points out that Len has never actually worked in the service industry. She wants to protect the brand for her company, and he won't want to fight with her every day. He says that maybe he would. She asks him what she needs to do to get him to leave the company alone, and he explains that he took a position in the company because he feels the stock is undervalued. He wants to add value, so she doesn't need to worry about anything. She's still suspicious, so he tells her that "billionaire" is not a character trait -- it's just a word that goes to his name these days. Juliet never thought of it like that! It's like she has finally started to care about the less fortunate -- or less encumbered, let's say. Len says that Juliet has made it clear that she doesn't want the company in play. Well, what about her? Is she in play? That rascal. Juliet says, "So that's what you're up to." Len says that his interest in Stanton Hall is sincere, as is his interest in her. Why did they pick this guy to play this? He has clearly not had enough time to study the Billionaire-Playing Handbook, and it's coming off like the chauffeur wearing the boss's clothes. Len asks Juliet to dinner, and she says yes.
Mia is trying to teach Wylie to catch, but he just recently escaped a life of starvation and pestilence on the streets of New York, so sitting is just fine with him, thank you. Jason rings the doorbell. He's shocked to see Wylie. And, he picks up on the dog's bad breath. Mia sits Jason down and takes off her robe, revealing the cutest little bra and panty set. Jason starts to kiss her and moves south, in a very not-for-network TV way, and once he's out of the shot...we hear snoring. Damn brain surgeons using all their energy on brains! Mia seems annoyed.
At breakfast the day, with the girls, Juliet is outraged that Jason fell asleep. Zoë reminds everyone that he's a brain surgeon. Mia says that between work and life, she and Jason see each other once a week. Well, newsflash, you can live in the same freaking house as someone and see them that rarely -- unless snoring to him counts. Mia says that this stage with Jason is so much work, and that she wishes they already knew each other's stories and quirks. I can also see where this is going, and I can't say I'm sorry. Mia says that she wants this to be easy and she wants to come first. Juliet says, "Don't we all?" Okay, they fashioned this whole scene around that line and it was totally not worth it. Caitlin arrives and explains that every cosmetics company gets a week of free publicity at Fashion Week, and that it's a disaster that Lily Parish has been dropped by that hateful Zac Posen. She says that she needs to find a new designer to prop up. Mia says that she knows the Dean of the Fashion Institute, so maybe Caitlin could use a student. Caitlin seems totally jazzed. She asks Mia to call right NOW! Juliet describes how Gerard fired their talented and expensive architect and how she's going to have to find a new one. Zoë suggests Eric, but Juliet seems hesitant. Mia says that she's afraid to mix friends with business, but Caitlin points out that they always mix the two. Juliet is worried about what would happen if Eric pitched and Gerard didn't buy it, but Zoë points out that Eric is a real grown professional. Juliet relents and says that she might as well, "while [she] still run[s] the company." Zoë tells the girls how Len Dinerstein is circling Stanton Hall AND that he's asked Juliet to dinner. Caitlin says that Juliet must be psyched about being courted by a billionaire, and she says, um, that's just a word that goes to his name. Why Juliet! The ink isn't even dry on your...pre-divorce papers. But, I think she might be a little smitten. Zoë says that's the line he uses in interviews. Embarrassing. And, you would have thought that Juliet would have performed a little due diligence when she found out the man was possibly buying her company. You know -- learned a little more about him than the information gleaned from girlfriends sharing a muffin. Caitlin says that Juliet is going to be the fourth Mrs. Len Dinerstein. Mia points out that he keeps a kosher kitchen. How does everyone know way more about him than the person who has a reason to know anything at all? Anyway, Len Dinerstein is apparently Jewish. Who knew?
Later, at her office, Mia has Wylie and is trying again to get his attention. Wendy enters, and Mia says that Wylie is "broken." Wendy says that not every dog is going to bound into your arms the minute you meet it. (Metaphor alert!) Mia says that she has read the book, and that the dog is just not that into her. Poor Lucy Liu. I love her, but she has a problem really selling these lines sometimes. Like right now. Wendy says that she'll call the shelter and have the dog picked up, but Mia's apprehensive. Not every person is a dog person, according to Wendy. "I'm a dog person," Mia insists. Wendy tells her not to worry about it, and leaves. Seriously, I wish Mary Testa were on every part of this show.
Zoë is in the park playing soccer with Luke and ordering supplies for Sasha's science project on her cell phone. She tries to make Luke do dribble drills "to increase field awareness," but he just wants to kick. She explains that being able to control the ball is the key to the game, but Luke's not having it. And, here comes Clayton. I think they're in Central Park -- which is way far away from their house in the Village. And, the park is really huge. So, how the hell did Clayton know to find Luke and Zoë there? He wants to continue the conversation they were having earlier, but she doesn't want to. She tearfully says that Clayton pushed her aside and took credit for a deal that she closed. I'm sorry, but she doesn't seem too strong when she gets all whiny like that. She wonders why Clayton's there, and he asks if she doesn't want to put Tate's money to work. Zoë gleans that it must be Tate who wonders where she is (or, at least, his wife does). Instead of telling Tate that she quit, Clayton said that Zoë was having her eyes done. Which is funny. She's outraged. Clayong says that he'll "put in a good word to Henry," but Zoë's not having it. She tells Clayton that they're done, and walks away. Clayton says that's so "Mommy" of her to act that way, and she kicks the soccer ball at his head. GOOALLLLL!
Caitlin is looking over the portfolio of Denis, the "brightest star" at the Fashion Institute. (This is another Broadway baby, Michael Arden; he has a really pretty voice.) Caitlin says that his work is beautiful. He's totally excited that Caitlin's looking at his stuff, and she decides that she will offer him "the opportunity of a lifetime" and show his stuff at Fashion Week. Wow, Lily Parish just went from a week of free publicity to fifteen minutes of really very expensive publicity. Denis is thrilled, but Caitlin says that he needs to make his stuff at the speed of light: her job is on the line. Denis says that he has been wearing Lily Parish since he was fifteen. Awesome. Caitlin's all, "Ooooookay." She asks whether he can really pull the pieces together, so that they can have "some semblance of a show." Denis says, "Was Tom Ford's first show for Gucci a 'semblance' of a show?" Um, you could ask a million questions like that, but why don't you just agree to make some pieces. Caitlin likes that Denis is aiming high, though. She commands him to sew, and he twirls out of her office.
Zoë is working on Sasha's science project while Sasha is barely engaged in the process. I remember those days. Eric says that Gerard is not going to want Eric as his architect, but Zoë's pushing him to try. He has also heard that Gerard is insane. Zoë tells him to play his "highest card," and Eric says she's talking to him like he doesn't know how to get his own jobs. Okay, is this guy very sensitive or is he not? I feel like he goes back and forth all of the time. Right now, he is. Zoë apologizes for using her personal expertise to help him, and then stops Sasha from ruining/contributing to her own science project.
At dinner at the hotel, Len tells Juliet that he was kidnapped while on a fact-finding mission for the UN. Juliet seems impressed. He replies, "I've been able to access some amazing experiences." Could someone please kidnap me right now? Juliet mentions Len's divorces, and he says that he won't talk about his relationships: "Some things a man must keep private." Okay, Yoda. Juliet says that she wasn't testing Len, but that he just gave the perfect answer. That's how get got wives #2 and #3.The sommelier walks up, and Len asks for the Sauternes. Juliet says that they don't stock Sauternes, but Len points out that they also don't stock the Burgundy that they have been drinking: he had them shipped from his personal cellar. I have to hand it to him: The way to a lady's heart is with booze. Len says that they should stock more vintage French wines and be able to get room service in less than forty-three minutes at the London hotel. He has thought of a bunch of other improvements that he would implement. Blah. What a boring date. Again. she questions his intentions for Stanton Hall, and he says that, if the stock he bought only provided his introduction to Juliet, it was still money well spent. Juliet suggests that she might get freaky if he says he's not buying the company. He kind of agrees, and she seems to warm to him.
Mia tells Wylie that he's going to have a great home and he suddenly starts to show a little life when he chews on a shoe of hers. Wallace Shawn comes in to retrieve Wylie, but suddenly Mia says that she wants to keep Wylie longer. He says that other arrangements have been made, but she insists that she wants to keep him...permanently. He says that she would need to schedule an interview, but she makes him sit down and interview her there. He won't let her call herself the owner of the dog -- she has to say "guardian" or "life companion." Urgh. Wallace asks her about her pets from childhood, and she jokes that Chinese families aren't even allowed to wear shoes in the house. He asks her how long her longest relationship with a human was, and she laughs that that can't be a real question. Thank God. He notices some plastic plants in her office, which she would totally never ever have. Come on! Also, Wallace Shawn sees Mia's fur coat, but she says it's fake and cheap and from Canal Street. With the interview complete, Wally tells Mia that she has been declined ownership of Wylie. She asks whether living with her isn't an improvement over eating off the street, and he replies, "Not from what I've seen." That's a problem with this show. Their actual lives aren't messy enough to warrant all the sturm and drang that occurs every time one of them gets a hangnail. They're all reaction with no action. Mia would never be rejected from adopting this dog. Mia screams after Wallace Shawn that she doesn't need him to validate her life.
Lily accosts Caitlin and asks whether she is really putting their brand in the hands of an upstart. Caitlin is. Come on, Lily, she's not really responsible for this. I guess people get blamed for shit they didn't do all of the time, but I would think she would at least attempt to remind Lily that none of this is actually her fault. Caitlin's assistant says that he has been researching spaces and the ONLY THING he could find was a "fabulous" space that is going for $75,000. Do it, Caitlin tells him. She'll borrow money from quarter's budget. If she's even there quarter.
Len and Juliet are looking at art together in a gallery. There's a drawing for $250 grand -- and Len says that he bought one of the artist's earlier works for $10 grand. It's the "Dinerstein Touch," says Juliet. She doesn't have much of an eye for contemporary art, though she likes John Currin. Len says that you "develop" the eye. He asks her if she'll go away with him to St. Barth's, and she just sort of laughs. Then, Len says that if they continue to see each other, she'll need to sign a confidentiality agreement. Wow. Juliet kind of gets it, though, and says that he would need to sign one too, but that they're getting ahead of themselves. Len says that he doesn't like to waste time. Juliet suddenly gets a text message that alerts her to Len's buying another chunk of stock in the company in after-hours trading. She stomps out. The most boring thing ever. SERIOUSLY. Are we really watching a TV show about this right now? Eric pitches to Gerard. They are totally in love. Gerard hires Eric on the spot. Juliet seems surprised. After Eric leaves, a drawing from the exhibit Juliet and Len viewed last night is delivered. Juliet tells them to return it, and tells her assistant to get Len on the phone. Gerard asks her about it, but she won't tell him anything. She says that they might drive each other crazy. But, not before the viewers. She leaves a message for Len saying that neither the company nor Juliet herself is for sale.
Zoë is watching Mr. Smith Goes to Washington with her kids. Someone from Gorham Sutter calls her cell, but she sends it to voicemail.
Caitlin is at the fashion show; Denis is not there. He finally arrives, and she starts screaming at him. None of his work is complete. The only things that are finished are a pair of pants and a pair of city shorts. Caitlin keeps saying that Denis screwed up the opportunity of his lifetime. I guess the Fashion Institute really sucks if this is the best they've got. So, Denis stomps off, and Caitlin is left with models with nothing to wear.
Mia tracks down Wylie and Wally in the park. She says that she really wants Wylie. Her bond is about feelings, not his clipboard and questions. She pulls out the shoe that Wylie chewed on for six seconds, and Wylie goes CRAZY! Not really, but he comes to her.
Zoë and Eric try to transport Sasha's science project, but she falls down the stairs and drops it. My mom fell down the stairs once when I was about Sasha's age and I totally started laughing. I'm laughing right now thinking about it. Seriously, it was hysterical. Zoë tries to put the project back together again and won't even let Sasha help, which eventually upsets the girl. Eric tells her to stop. Sasha brings down her own science project. Eric tells Zoë that, if she wants to go back to work, that's fine.
At the fashion show, Juliet says that playing "the game" at Len's level is what she'd always wanted. Backstage, it looks like Caitlin may have come up with a solution. She goes to sit with the girls and tells them that the show is all about the makeup. It begins, and the girls are wearing nude undergarments and crazy makeup. It's the most ridiculous Facts Of Life ripped-off bullshit I've ever seen in my life. This is so stupid. But, the crowd goes WILD. They love it! Denis is going to be the most famous designer of nude undergarments ever. Did they announce that they wouldn't be seeing his collection? Whatever. Lily and Caitlin exchange a look like Caitlin really saved the day or something. Seriously, the models have like peacocks and shit painted over their eyes. So completely not a cause for any sort of applause ever.
Later, Mia goes jogging with Wylie and she seems to like him a lot better than she did Jason. But Wylie doesn't like to jog much. Is this the last episode? It doesn't really seem like they gave much reason for why they should be on the air.