Skateboard culture, breakdancing and drug dealing? It must be New York in the 1980s. Since this show has already beaten us to Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day is generally not an episode-worthy holiday, it's spring break. And really, thank God we don't have to see scenes in the confusing and timeless hallways of Castlebury High this week. The characters can just be the miniature, jobless adults we want them to be.
Sebastian and Carrie stroll through Central Park talking about acceptance letters to NYU (Carrie's, I'm sure). A crowd has gathered and upon further inspection, the spectacle is a hawk eating a pigeon. Carrie tells the story to her dad and Dorrit, admitting her shock that a city as chic as New York would have a bird eating another bird in it. Tom says that kind of thing happens in the city all the time and Carrie is all, "nahhh," except that her purse got stolen not too many episodes ago and her friends had a big AIDS scare. Tom says you have to build up a killer instinct to survive in Manhattan. As a big-time lawyer, he knows.
The mail arrives and Carrie got her acceptance letter to NYU. She plans to enter the writing program, which she thinks will be supportive. At Interview, Larissa says she'll tear Bennett limb from limb because he's been out from work the last five days. Carrie tries to be supportive, offering that Bennett and Walt just broke up, and his ex-boyfriend is dying of AIDS. Larissa doesn't care, though. She gave him time off to deal but it's been too long. She wants 500 words on parachute pants or he's fired.
Samantha shows up and tolerates hearing about someone other than herself long enough to segue to telling Carrie she got a new job. Her new job is getting the reward money looking for a yellow parakeet. She's going to make new flyers with her number on them and a lowered reward so she'll have everyone out there looking for her. It's actually pretty smart. Carrie tells her hawk-eating-a-pigeon story again but it has no impact. Carrie decides to help Bennett out by writing the parachute pants story for him.
Maggie seeks Mouse's (and Donna's) advice on what type of lingerie she should wear when her new military boyfriend comes to visit her on … military spring break? I don't know. Evidently, Maggie doesn't remember the trauma of getting pregnant, miscarrying and almost dying. They tell Maggie not to confuse sex and love. Donna advises Maggie to wear gross underwear to keep herself from sleeping with him too soon. They tell her to wait until they're sure this guy likes her for her.
Larissa looks for Bennett, who isn't in again. She received the piece and wants to tell him it's the best thing he's written in months. Carrie is about to call Bennett when she realizes someone else is getting credit for her work and she doesn't like it. She complains to Sebastian but he says she should compare it to loaning money. He is so wise now that he's an entrepreneur. Sebastian's dad is visiting and Sebastian expects to be disappointed.
Samantha runs into a Zach Braff type on the street, who is impressed with her "nurturing" willingness to help find a friend's bird. He invites her up to his apartment and she accepts.
Tom meets-cute a scattered lawyer who can't find the glasses on her head. They keep dropping papers and her files and his files get mixed on the floor. The lawyer (client?) realizes she has her contacts in as well and runs to the bathroom. I don't know what this scene is even about.
Maggie greets her military guy and he's even cuter in citizenwear. She doesn't kiss him on the mouth and is in a conundrum when he wants to take her to a nice, romantic restaurant. Maggie is almost taken in but then tries to go more friend-zone because she's confused. Everyone is the worst.
Bennett finds out Carrie wrote the piece for him, and took his messages and scheduled his appointments. He's grateful and not at all put-out by her behavior like I might be. Carrie sees Larissa praise him for the parachute pants story again, Bennett takes credit, then Carrie tells him they need to talk. She calls him out for taking credit for her work because she doesn't understand what favors are. Bennett says his head is so foggy and he needs to go back home and coast a little more.
Tom's meeting with the seemingly-scatterbrained lawyer soon reveals that he got played. She swapped their papers for a quick peek at their internal memos and private numbers. Tom must occasionally act like a Manhattan killer to women, evidently.
Maggie's non-date in the diner is going nowhere fast. Mouse joins them and behaves awkwardly, making everything even less romantic, just like Maggie intended.
One of Carrie's coworkers drops off tickets for the ballet on Bennett's desk because he has an interview with a ballerina that night. Carrie indicates that Bennett wasn't feeling well and the guy who dropped off the tickets says he just saw Bennett out with a bottle of prosecco and a boy on each arm. All the Bradshaws are getting played! Carrie takes the initiative to steal Bennett's interview and calls the ballet.
Carrie got a plus one, selfishly, so she could take Samantha, who is wearing a tart-y dress. Carrie tells Samantha about the ballerina she's interviewing, and that she's the youngest ballerina ever to play the black swan in Swan Lake. Samantha says, heavy-handedly that the world seems to be all about birds these days. She shares her sex story about the bird guy, whose name is Elliott. She really likes him and feels the instinct to "nest." All of a sudden, she sees Elliott at this ballet party thing.
Samantha greets Elliott, who is soon joined by a redhead who calls him "honey." Oops, it's his wife. Not like it's the first time Samantha has been the other woman, though. Carrie tends to Samantha instead of her work until the ballerina is ready to speak to her. You can't take her anywhere.
Tom complains about his lawyer misfortune to Dorrit as he stabs at potatoes. Dorrit says he got played by a classic girl move. Tom realizes that he's a total sucker, and that he has to use what he has to get what he wants. What Tom has is Dorrit, who loves manipulating people just as much as this lawyer.
Sebastian's dad visits to ask if he can borrow his trust fund because he's "a little low on liquid capital" and "wants to get back in the game." Who cares? Not I.
Carrie goes to meet with her prima ballerina, in front of a fountain for some reason. This bitch thinks Carrie wants to audition for the ballet and is a jaded old bag about it. She can't believe Carrie is there to interview her because she's so young. Carrie says she could say the same of her, and Amelia is all, "I'm seventeen," ("I'm a grandmotha!") and says that's a year away from being pushed out. I don't know if that's true but whatever. This girl doesn't have the posture of a professional ballerina. Anyway, Carrie wins another person over.
Back inside, Elliott tells Samantha he's in an "open marriage." Samantha says she finds it intriguing, then introduces herself very boldly to Sally, Elliott's wife. She says she's having sex with her husband, and Sally runs away crying. Elliott says his wife doesn't usually meet the people he's sleeping with and they're a little shaky on the rules. Gross.
Back by the fountain, Amelia tells Carrie that the ballet world is brutal and the girl before her was out by 24 with a busted knee and anorexia. Amelia says you have to claw for every opportunity, even if it destroys you or you have to destroy someone else. Ballet is ugly, y'all. She applies this advice to the situation with Bennett and really goes for the piece.
Larissa is impressed with the article, and noticed a linguistic similarity between it and the parachute pants story. She knew, maybe all along, that Carrie had written the pants piece. She tells Carrie this one is going in under her own byline, and to stop worrying about Bennett and start thinking about herself.
Maggie finds Mouse with the news that her new boyfriend-maybe-not-anymore is leaving and she can't locate him. She regrets everything she tried. Mouse suggests that she go wait for him at the bus station and it's all so mundane because we don't care about Maggie and care even less about this guy.
Bennett storms into Sebastian's apartment to yell at Carrie that she "All About Eve"d him. He was fired from Interview and blames Carrie for taking his assignment. They fight, but Bennett needs to take this as a wake-up call.
Dorrit meets the manipulative lady lawyer in a conference room and gets her to confess to playing Tom like a fiddle. That doesn't matter, though, because this is all about Dorrit casually grabbing a file to her and then giving it to Tom. It's all very anti-climactic but you know, never underestimate a woman or a child.
Carrie is still in shock that Bennett was fired. She never thought Larissa would fire someone, but evidently neither did Bennett. Sebastian says Carrie should admit she knew Bennett was on his way out. He scolds her for being opportunistic, which is a shitty thing for a boyfriend to do. Carrie defends herself and Sebastian says she's not a struggling writer and doesn't have to worry about money. He sucks. Dump him, Carrie. I miss Weaver. Carrie calls Sebastian out for having a trust fund and Sebastian is like, "actually," but fuck him, that doesn't matter.
Carrie immediately becomes sympathetic as Sebastian whines about not being rich anymore. No, girl, he's a dick. Sebastian whines that he'll probably give his dad the money because he doesn't have that "killer instinct."
Speaking of things I have no interest in anymore, Maggie meets Pete (his name is Pete!) at the bus station to tell him why she was being a weird asshole. Maggie is like "I'm crazy about you," and Pete is like, "I love you," and we are like, "whoa, who are you again?" Boyfriends GTFO.
Tom wraps things up with the lady negotiator and she's like, "you sexy," basically. Tom would be unwise to date a woman so manipulative. But maybe they're just going to do it. He suggests billing their clients for another two hours and they make out on the table.
Elliott pursues Samantha but she says while she's interested, things are too complicated with him. The whole having a wife thing really throws her off and she likes him so much that she wants him all to herself. She says "sometimes your instincts change," and I'm just tired of this whole theme being yelled at me through my TV. Then Samantha finds the parakeet.
Sebastian gives his dad the money (a loan), Samantha returns the bird and doesn't accept the reward, Bennett's desk is cleared off and Larissa tells Carrie to take his desk, then alludes to Bennett getting the job in even shadier ways.