Is this the final episode of Carrie living in that swank apartment in New York? I hate that. I don't want to return to Castlebury with them. At least Walt is out now. Packing up at the end of the fantasy we only got a glimpse into, Walt and Carrie congratulate themselves on making it a whole summer in such a dangerous city. Walt had much of his bike stolen, and Carrie got a lot of necklaces ripped off on the subway. But that's easy compared to seeing exes every day!
Larissa, who I thought we'd seen the last of, busts in through the door. I wonder if she'll die before The Carrie Diaries can catch up with Sex and the City.
Back in Castlebury, Mouse has college applications for Maggie to start working on, but all Maggie wants is a date with Emilio Estevez (the '80s!). Mouse recommends that Maggie spend $200 to apply for college. $200 from her summer of babysitting and brief stint waitressing at the country club. Speaking of crappy friends, Tom's skeezy friend is back and promising "hot babes" and "hot blondes" at a charity auction. He's also offering Tom a position back in New York City. Being a bigger lawyer means more cocaine and more hot blondes.
Back at Larissa's apartment, Larissa regales Carrie and Walt with stories of her time spent in Japan, trying to be a geisha and sleeping with the CEO of an electronics company. She learned to be "Zen" from this CEO, explaining it's all about being calm and detached and centered. Carrie thinks being Zen would be lovely because then she wouldn't care about Sebastian anymore. Go for it, Carrie, anything to get rid of Sebastian.
After hearing about how Walt and Bennett are keeping it casual, Larissa invites them to a hot Japanese festival. She encourages Carrie to invite Samantha. Back in Castlebury, Sebastian asks Dorrit for help with Carrie. How exhausting.
At Larissa's festival, Yushiki, Carrie is transfixed by a gardenia and finds some Zen. Walt and Bennett take a stroll through the gardens. Walt talks about how hard it will be to be closeted back in Castlebury and Bennett's best advice is to be like the ninja and get out of high school without getting punched.
Samantha shows up and shouts, "what in the hell is this place!" and Larissa dismisses her as "bridge and tunnel crowd." Uh oh, the two obnoxious and entitled friends of Carrie won't get along.
Maggie is walking home and her hot cop lover pulls up to her. I care even less about this guy than I do about Maggie. Evidently he's engaged, though, and he misses hanging out with a horny teenager. He tells her she doesn't want to go to the library to work on applications and she agrees, getting into his cop car. Is he on the clock? Too many plots.
Back to Tom taking his girlfriend Deb to the charity ball full of hot blondes. He admits to her that Harlan wants him to come back to the firm but he's not sure about it because the big city and the girls, etc. Deb convinces him to reconsider.
As though there weren't enough plots already introduced, some hot mom named Mrs. Donovan walks into the diner to hit on Sebastian. She tells Sebastian she's just looking for something fun, light, and no strings attached. Also, it's Vicki, not Mrs. Donovan. So consider doing her, Sebastian. She is literally a supermodel.
Back at fake Japan, Larissa takes Carrie, Walt, Bennett and Samantha on a tour of some new Japanese fashions. Larissa suggests an all-black, "simple" outfit for Carrie and she's not feeling it. She'd be much cuter in the little overalls romper behind them. Samantha calls the outfit "pajamas" and says it's completely unappealing and not sexy. They fight about the outfit, and whether or not it's good for Carrie, and Samantha interferes with Larissa's Zen. Carrie is about to break up the fight but Walt encourages her to be Zen. In the nick of time, Samantha is distracted by wanting to have sex with the hot ninja. They take this to mean that being Zen "really works" and Carrie decides it's time for a mantra.
Carrie is back in Castlebury, practicing "detaching" from things on the first day of school. She chants her mantra "easy breezy, easy peasy" while waiting for Dorrit to finish up in the bathroom. Carrie could easily spend that time getting dressed, though, and her hair and makeup look good. Dorrit tests Carrie's new-found Zen and Carrie keeps it easy breezy, telling Dorrit she's excited to go to the same school together.
Oh we have to introduce another plotline! Samantha slept with the ninja and accidentally spent the night. He's getting too attached (wink! Themes!) and wants to take her out some time. I agree with Samantha that him moving to New York to be an actor is the least sexy thing he could have told her. Cue the funny gong sound effect and move on to the twelfth storyline of the hour.
Tom talks to Harlan about accepting the position but says he won't come cheap. Men love negotiating. They write numbers on pieces of paper and pass them back and forth. Tom gets what he asked for and demands that he gets to make his own hours, spend time with the kids and has season tickets to the Rangers. To remind us that he is awful and disgusting, Harlan says Tom shouldn't give his daughters unrealistic expectations about men wanting to prioritize them. I wonder how soon Samantha will sleep with Harlan.
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It's raining on the first day back at school, and Walt is wearing a sports jersey to "blend in" with straight guys. Why is anyone encouraging this? Dorrit walks up to Carrie and asks her if she can get her transferred into a different English class. Maggie comes in and is not talking to Walt. Walt's Jets jersey fails at letting him go unnoticed because it's the wrong sports team. Oh, and Dorrit lied, she just wanted to get her into a room with Sebastian. This show needs to detach itself from about half the storylines it has introduced in this episode.
Carrie can't resist Sebastian, who perhaps got her into that room to seduce her only. They make out and get caught by the teacher. Oh boyeee.
Maggie isn't getting on those college applications as quickly as Mouse would have liked. She is rude to Mouse, who tells Maggie she won't accept any responsibility for herself. "Take a look around, people are going through stuff," Mouse says. Everybody is going through too much.
Samantha drops by Larissa's office to see Carrie, who is not there. They fight because Larissa is classy and Samantha is trashy. Samantha's like, "you don't know me," but Larissa calls her out on being afraid to connect with anyone and also for being a hillbilly. Since when is Samantha Jones a hillbilly and I thought she was related to rich Donna LeDonna, who is an egregious omission from this overwrought episode? To prove Larissa wrong, Samantha gets the address of the festival so she can see that awful ninja guy again.
Oh thank god, Donna is in this episode after all. She saves Walt from an awkward sports conversation and kisses on him, forgetting she was dating one of the guys who wanted to beat Walt up for wearing a Jets jersey. Also, Donna made up the term "gaydar." Just then. I hope the rest of this episode is just Donna coming in and solving everybody's trivial problems.
Outside the principal's office, Carrie and Sebastian argue. They're finally getting the talk Sebastian wanted. He tells her that being without her is ripping him to shreds. Carrie confesses that she isn't Zen like the gardenia and Sebastian says she is like the gardenia. She says every time they're together it's chaos and nothing about them is simple. "I'll never be the gardenia … never," Carrie says dramatically before being called into the principal's office.
Carrie confronts Dorrit about getting her into a situation that led to after-school detention every day that week. Dorrit says she helped Sebastian because he really likes Carrie. Dorrit tells Carrie to get out of her head and just go after what she wants.
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Samantha goes to visit the ninja and gives a whole confession to the wrong ninja, but the guy who doesn't speak English will be a suitable companion after all. Or something.
The plotline to hastily wrap up and hit the garbage can of our memories is Tom's. He's back at the firm, with Barbara, who we remember from Season 1. She is much less of a boring, prudish bitch now. And by "bitch" I mean someone who cares about her job. Barbara tells Tom he's a barracuda again and Tom walks in on Harlan making out with Larissa. How unnecessary. Barbara makes the comment that "they can't seem to let go of each other," so that this can all get tied into the theme.
Maggie goes to the diner to talk to Walt, who has a black eye all of a sudden. Donna is guarding Walt as a good friend, but Walt says he can manage it. I was really hoping Maggie wouldn't be in this season very much. Maggie says she felt bad because she was all wrapped up in her own thing and forgot about how hard it must be for Walt to be gay. Walt says she deserves someone great and they are friends again.
Carrie is getting ready to diary when Sebastian shows up at her door. Carrie takes it as a sign and lets him in. She says she wants to tell him something and Sebastian says he wants to go first. He apologizes for everything: what happened in Mr. London's office, what happened with Maggie, and everything he put her through in Season 1. He says all he does is make things crazy for her and he wants to let her be more like the gardenia. He says he's letting her go and he'll see her around. Carrie says she thought about fighting for him but in a very mature moment of clarity she realizes he's right. Damn. I would have been crying and snotting everywhere in seconds.
Walking home, Maggie gets hit on by her hookup cop. She decides to value herself enough to not sleep with him and he drives off saying it's her loss but she knows it's not true in another surprising moment of clarity. At least someone is screwing up; Sebastian decides to sleep with Vicki Donovan because men don't know how to process their feelings and already value themselves pretty highly.
Maggie fills out a college application, Carrie has a gardenia in water at her desk at Interview. It's from Larissa, who is a good friend. Carrie looks at it sadly.
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