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We've skipped over several major holidays, landing on a week after Valentine's Day to find Carrie and Sebastian happily dating, Walt and Donna happily making out, and Mouse furiously competing against a black athlete at her school for better grades. It all starts with a Rubik's Cube, and becomes far too much of a thing. Speaking of things I didn't want this episode to bother me with, Tom is getting semi-anonymous blow jobs from an aerobics instructor at his gym and only feels a little weird about it.
Carrie likes Sebastian so much that she worries it's too much. She takes Mouse's advice to be carefree and easy-going, but it is so contrary to her nature it just gets her in even more trouble and confuses Sebastian. Carrie and Sebastian have earned themselves a couple nickname, before those were a thing, and rather than suffocating her, Sebastian's coat is causing Carrie the fear of losing it all. That's the way we do things, isn't it, girls? We just take something nice and then over-analyze it until it's ruined the way we need our lives to be.
Walt and Donna are dating, and getting along like gangbusters. It's only a little disconcerting to Donna that Walt only wants to do well, girl things, like shopping and watch each other try on clothes. Usually men want to watch Donna take off her clothes, which she attempts for Walt but gets pushed off the bed. She asks him straight up if he's gay, and he tells her he doesn't know. They agree to still be friends, which I think is the best idea for both of them, and I want them to have a spin-off show where they move into an apartment together in New York and it's better than this season of Glee.
Dorrit has been assigned to choose a day in history with meaning to her and after researching it at the library for a while, she sneaks out to research it further while Carrie and Sebastian are making out on the couch. Carrie fights with Sebastian after he figures out that Dorrit went to the Chelsea Hotel because she is obsessed with the Sex Pistols. Carrie goes to Manhattan, against her father's will, to find Dorrit. Eventually she does, but only after Sebastian gets there first. It doesn't matter that they went to the city for several hours, though, because Tom is at the gym trying to figure out "modern women" the whole time. He talks to Larissa and decides to let Carrie back into her internship at Interview.
Mouse challenges a new character, academically- and physically-superior black kid Wes, to a Rubik's Cube-off after he solves it in seconds in the hallway. She beats him, but the friendly rivalry continues because Wes is still #1 in their class, and he plays sports, and has snappy dialogue. Wes is a welcome addition to this cast. While you were reading this recap, Tom was at the gym getting a blow job, then talking about it to anyone who would listen.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Couples update: Carrie and Sebastian are a thing, Maggie and Walt are not, but Walt and Donna are. Mouse, Tom, Dorrit and Larissa are all single that we know of. Starting out the show, Carrie is still dreaming of Interview Magazine, literally. In her dreams, there are Arabs and miniature ponies, and her hair looks less '80s. But Carrie isn't allowed to go to Manhattan anymore after she got busted dancing in the club. Maybe now she can actually go to some classes at her high school.
Without her career to think about, Carrie can focus on more important things like boys. We learn in the first few minutes that we were robbed of a Carrie Diaries Valentine's Day episode, which seems even more pivotal than say, a Thanksgiving episode. I guess we skipped Christmas and New Year's, too, come to think of it. Boooo.
Sebastian's black friend, Wes, walks by and calls the couple "KyddShaw," which can mean one of the two things. One: this show is blatantly ignoring that celebrity couple nicknames were not officially a thing until Bennifer, which was not in the '80s, or two: black people are, as ever, way ahead of the trends that white people don't catch on to until 20 years later.
To remind us that we're still in the '80s, Carrie and Sebastian walk up to Mouse, who is trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. Stealing a line from The Wedding Singer, Carrie deems those things "impossible," and says no one will ever solve it. Mouse says she has solved it and aims to do it again. Then, the black guy at school interrupts to get to his locker. He's wearing a varsity jacket so he's presumably a jock, which is why he has never seen a Rubik's Cube. It's totally not a race thing, or a socioeconomic thing. Wes is actually smart, and possibly a Rubik's Cube shark, as he solves the cube in a matter of seconds. An academic rivalry is born.
After school, we assume, Walt is giving Donna a massage. She says it's the best relationship ever, and Donna has dated a lot of people. She says usually she has to get all dressed up and wear lots of makeup and be pouty and flirty, but with Walt she can just be herself. Yes, Donna, this is one of the many benefits of having a metropolitan gay friend. They don't care about your boobs.
At the gym, A slutty aerobics instructor is hitting on Tom while he stretches for racquetball. I think this is the slutty girl at the gym Harlan was talking about on Thanksgiving. She invites Tom into her office/a massage parlor and starts kissing on him and moving ... ahem, down South. Tom probably just lets it happen.
Carrie and Sebastian are making out, staying up North, at the diner. Sebastian offers to get Carrie home by curfew because he wants to stay in her dad's good graces. Carrie refuses Sebastian's coat on the way out, probably because he keeps trying to force it on her and it's too heavy. Cut to Carrie crying in her bedroom, while Mouse watches. Carrie is overwhelmed because she thinks she might be falling in love. She fears that Sebastian might break her heart, or cheat on her, or lose interest, or move, or get kicked out of school -- all valid concerns. Mouse tells Carrie to "try to keep it light and fun," which is, for Carrie, to deny her core being.
Back at school, Carrie is neurotic. She really needs to blow off steam in Manhattan. Mouse snoops into Wes's file and discovers that she ranks No. 2 behind him academically. He takes college math and plays three sports. But no time to think about Wes's superiority now; Walt and Donna are walking around the halls together. It must be Maggie's turn to miss an episode, like most of the recurring characters seem to be doing. I'm not sorry about it. Walt and Donna make out, and then plan a shopping date at the mall. Best boyfran evarrrrrr.
Carrie and Dorrit are also making Saturday plans. Carrie has to take Dorrit to the library to research her school project on "a day in history that means something to me." Tom is acting weird about "having fun at the gym" because he definitely got to at least third base with that aerobics instructor.
After the inconsequential library trip, Sebastian shows up at Carrie's door. He's trying to be spontaneous like Carrie wishes she was. Dorrit goes to her room to do homework, and Sebastian and Carrie make out on the couch to a movie. Carrie goes upstairs to tell Dorrit to turn it down, and it seems Dorrit has escaped/run away from home again. She did this in the first episode, too, and it was no big deal. Now it will be a bigger deal because Carrie was making out while it happened.
Carrie is freaking out and Sebastian, being 17 and not knowing much about how to help a Type A neurotic girlfriend, offers advice. He should just leave, really, but that isn't the right answer either. Sebastian is a pretty good detective, though, noticing that Dorrit collects a lot of Sex Pistols info, history, and memorabilia. Sebastian also notices the date on all the newspapers, October 12, 1978. It's a clue!
Dorrit chose the day Sid killed Nancy as her meaningful date in history, it turns out, and Sebastian thinks Dorrit will be at the Chelsea Hotel. Meanwhile, Tom is probably getting more sex from the aerobics instructor. He will never be able to have sex again once he is saddled with this guilt
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The Chelsea Hotel is in Manhattan, where Carrie is not allowed to go. This is stressful for Carrie, even though pursuing Dorrit, who is alone in the city, is the right move. Tom is also stressed out, wanting another blow job but not knowing how to ask for one. Douche-friend Harlan suggests that Tom "just enjoy," because Misty "knows it is better to give than receive," and no, Tom, you should definitely not ask her out on a date. Tom says a blow job is a big deal for women and Harlan says things and women have changed. They love doing it now, just ask 'em.
Oh god, I keep wanting Harlan not to be in this show at all but he keeps getting more and more prominent. Now, all of a sudden, he's seeing Larissa, Carrie's sort-of boss at Interview. And Larissa is there, at the gym. Because if there's one thing women can't get enough of, it's sex with Harlan.
At school, Wes challenges Mouse to a Cube-Off at the diner. This is a challenge she will surely lose, but maybe she'll get something more important out of it: a boyfriiiiieeeeennnnd.
Donna wants to have sex with Walt because it's the '80s and women are just givin' it up. Walt wants to wait until they know each other better, so he can imagine what type of man she might be. They are not seeing eye-to-eye on the sex thing, but Donna is quickly distracted by the prospect of a new outfit fashion show. Gay men always know how to change the subject to their advantage. Also, women always love giving practically anonymous blow jobs.
Carrie and Sebastian get ready to go to Manhattan and Carrie doesn't want Sebastian to drive because she sort of blames him for distracting her and he also really threw her off her game by being spontaneous. They get into a fight and Carrie leaves to find Dorrit on her own. Could this be the end, or pause, of KyddShaw?
Carrie yells for Dorrit in the hotel, and she's already there with Sebastian, who drove and found her first. There's a really stupid scene about the Rubik's Cube-Off with Mouse doing karate moves and practicing Rubik's Cubes. Simultaneously, Donna tries to seduce Walt. It fails when she falls off the bed Clueless style. In fact, it is practically the same exact scene where Cher tries to seduce a gay guy, but this one doesn't know he's gay. Donna asks him if he's even interested in girls and Walt has no answer.
At the gym, where Tom has been for hours on end, Tom asks Larissa about sex. She's very laissez-faire about the whole thing, blowing Tom's mind by telling him that women also talk about sex. The subject turns to Carrie's internship, and how good Carrie was at it. Tom doesn't want Carrie to grow up, especially not to be a sex columnist. But Larissa makes a compelling argument.
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At the Chelsea Hotel, Carrie and Dorrit talk about Sid and Nancy. They also talk about how short life is, and how they think too much like their mom did. Dorrit promises not to run away again, and tells Carrie that Sebastian is actually pretty cool.
Oh god, the Cube-off still has to happen. Wes and Mouse exchange glances over shifting colored squares. Meanwhile (or is it later?), Walt and Donna talk about how he maybe might probably be gay. Donna is exactly what he needed. And now she is his horny gal pal. Donna has a gay older brother so she gets it. Walt tells her he doesn't know what he is.
Mouse wins the Cube-off, but loses in the socioeconomic/scholarship applicant game because Wes is a black athlete with good grades from a single parent household. He describes himself as a "college admissions unicorn," which I will admit was a pretty great line.
At Sebastian's car, Carrie thanks Sebastian and admits that she's having trouble playing it cool. She is worried that Sebastian will leave her. He probably will, since she ends up alone most of the time in the city. But oh well, that's years from now. They make out while Tom is still at the gym.
After a full nine hours at the gym, Tom returns. He tells Carrie that he wants her to pursue her dreams and figure out who she is and who she wants to be, so he will allow her to return to Interview Magazine. Thank god; this show couldn't stand another episode without Interview Magazine. So Carrie is back to making coffee, Tom is back to getting BJs, Mouse is attempting to take up golf, and Donna is spreading the rumor that Walt's penis is so big Donna couldn't handle it. What a good gal pal. She is my favorite.
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