By M. Giant
After Michael and Fi tail a gofer from the P.O. box to the nondescript office park that appears to serve as Carla's lair, a Job Of The Week walks into Michael's life in the form of a paroled ex-wheel man who wants out of an upcoming heist. Michael's first move is to get the crew's safecracker busted, but when that doesn't get the job called off, Michael -- wait for it -- goes undercover as the new safecracker. The boss is a secretive control freak, so derailing the robbery proves problematic even from the inside. The job begins before Michael can do anything to stop it, so he ends up having to rely on Sam for some external sabotage to blow the job and frame the ringleader for betraying his people. Which goes brilliantly, because it happens in the final act.
Meanwhile, Sam's got girlfriend problems: Veronica asks him to marry her, but he's technically not on the market; it seems he's already married, as a result of a disco-era indiscretion. When Fi advises him to come clean, Veronica kicks him out and he's moving back into the loft, with Michael. Which at least means more beer in the fridge to keep the yogurt company.
Finally, when Michael finally enters Carla's office on the second try, he finds the place cleared out of everything but photos of his first attempt, a little congrats package, and... another crossword puzzle. Not exactly what he was hoping for. But at least there's no Madeline or Nate this week, so I think he came out ahead.
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We open on handfuls of pistachio shells raining from the driver's side window of a white PT Cruiser as Michael VOs about how surveillance is done in teams because it's so exhausting. They've still got the place that contains Carla's P.O. box staked out, but it's clear that they've left and come back since the end of last week's episode from the fact that they're in different clothes and an even more conspicuous car. Michael is dozing with the driver's seat leaned back, while Fi sits in the shotgun seat with one hand holding the opera glasses trained on the storefront and the other hand firing spent shells over Michael's inert form. Don't ask me what she's doing with the contents of the shells; presumably she's hiding them in the ashtray. Presently she nudges him awake for his shift, and after sniffing and snorting himself alert like he's been out for hours, he checks his watch to see that it's only been five minutes. So clearly "team" is pushing it here. A little exposition ensues as Fi complains about sitting for four hours in a hot car in case Carla shows up at an alleged P.O. box. Michael says it's all he's got, and confirms with her that the manager told her the mail is picked up from Carla's box every Wednesday. She bitches about how much she hates surveillance, getting pretty careless about actually getting those shells out Michael's window at this point. Assuming he stole this car for the day, she's making it difficult for him to stick to his previously stated rule of returning it clean.
Finally, a dumpy woman in a gray suit enters the "Mail N More," and Michael watches through binoculars that are apparently so powerful they can read the number plates on the boxes through the front window from across the street. "If that's Carla, that's one hell of a disguise," Fi cracks, when it would have been so much easier to just say, "There's your girlfriend." Getting ready to move out in pursuit, Michael says Carla's not the getting-her-own-mail type. As he starts the car, he VOs about all of the time-consuming preparations you need to make in order to tail a trained operative, like "acquiring" a car they can't trace or recognize (even if it does stick out like a glowing, sawed-off hearse) and studying traffic patterns. Which was kind of a waste in this case, as the person he's tailing can barely even get her car out of its parking spot without some remote coaching from Michael.
They eventually follow the woman to a low-slung office building that looks like it might have been fairly nice back in the early eighties when it was built. Maybe it even cameoed in a Miami Vice or two. The first thing Fi notices is the lack of any visible guards or cameras outside, but Michael, observing all the maintenance types puttering around, reminds her that security comes in many forms. "Hungry?" he asks Fi, whipping out his latest cell phone. He VOs, "Covert security is designed to blend in. People you never notice until you see them in action." Which is what Michael is arranging now. Soon a pizza delivery car rolls into the neighborhood, and the driver calls Michael's cell to have him meet him in the lobby. But Michael messes with the poor guy, telling him not to park at every spot he pulls over to, engaging him in a vehicular game of Warm/Cold. All this hinky driving on the pizza guy's part naturally attracts the attention of the covert security guys, one of whom quietly pulls a gun out of his cart to follow the pizza wagon down the alley behind the building. "I think we just found Carla," Michael grins, closing his phone. But he also owes the gods of delivery karma one hell of a tip time. On the bright side, at least Fi still got to enjoy her usual lunch.
Later, Michael and Sam are on one of their romantic boardwalk dates, and Sam has gotten the goods on that address. It seems to house Carla's "irrigation consulting" business on the second floor. Michael wants to figure out the security's routine and therefore its holes, which might call for a wireless webcam. Sam showily runs his hand through his windblown hair as he says he'll look into it. "Nice watch, Sam," Michael observes dutifully. Sam brags about the shiny anvil on his wrist, a gift from his girlfriend Veronica for their one-month "I love you" anniversary. "For that you get an eight-thousand dollar watch?" Michael asks. "And some other things," Sam leers. End scene now! Whew, thank you.
Michael has just pulled his Charger up to the gate to his courtyard, and when he gets out to open it there's a twitchy, wormy dude waiting for him. "You Michael?" the visitor asks. "No," says Michael. But the guy keeps talking, and gives his backstory. He just got out of prison, where he had a cellmate whose bulletproof scam got fucked by a guy named Michael. To his credit, Michael doesn't ask Trevor to be more specific; really, that could be anyone. The guy introduces himself as Trevor, but Michael doesn't want to hear about his problem, even going so far as to nearly twist Trevor's arm off when Trevor grabs him by the wrist. "Go home," Michael orders flatly, driving his car in. Hey, have you noticed how the little opening for each episode still includes Michael saying, "You take whatever work comes your way," when he's been consistently trying his best to do the opposite all season, and refusing money when the jobs are done? Yeah, I've noticed that too. Trevor's not giving up, though, so as Michael gets out to close the gate again, he gives him sixty seconds. Trevor takes a few seconds to get going, but eventually gets out that he's a "getaway expeditor." "Wheel man," Michael understands. Trevor talks about his full-service package, and Michael agrees, "you're an expeditor." But now Trevor has decided to go straight. As Michael rushes him along, Trevor explains that an old boss of his named Timo wants Trevor to work with him on a jewel heist, and not-so-vaguely threatened Trevor's life if he doesn't do it. Michael suggests Trevor leave town, but that would violate his parole. With the minute up, Michael gives Trevor his two options: go to the police, or do the job and not get caught, neither of which Michael can help with. The trouble is the first option will get Trevor's family killed by Timo, and after offering Michael some jewels he claims are clean, Trevor reveals the problem with the second option: he has a son who was born while he was prison. Michael looks away takes a beat, and says, "I'm sorry to hear that." He's hooked. Always a sucker for the son card, our Michael. Trevor says he promised his son that he was done. Seeing the subtitles that read "TREVOR -- THE CLIENT," Michael admits defeat and invites him up. Can't fight the subtitles.
Michael's unnecessary VO about criminal hideouts serves as a transition to a boathouse on one of the Keys, which serves as Timo's HQ. Trevor waits outside the house while Michael and Sam sit in the parked CadillAxe not far away, the tall weeds making them as inconspicuous as two ex-spies sitting in two tons of battleship-gray steel. I'm sure the robbers won't think anything of it if they happen to glance over. Sam says that Trevor's in a pretty high-end crew. Michael has to admit that he doesn't know anything about the job, since Timo didn't tell Trevor anything. Apparently he's the secretive type. As they watch, the member of the crew shows up. "C.J. -- THE HUSTLER" is how the subtitles identify a youngish blond guy as Sam summarizes his rap sheet. to arrive is "GILBERT -- THE SAFE CRACKER," a very large man in golf clothes who Sam says is one of the best in his field. His record, however, includes three recent DUIs. Sounds like Gilbert's gone to some severe lengths to steady his hands once or twice. The car contains Robin Givens, of all people. Man, you do this gig long enough, eventually you can't believe some of the people you end up recapping. She's playing "KANDI -- THE MUSCLE." No problem buying that. Sam lists off some assault charges and adds, "Her and Fiona would have a good time. Or, you know, kill each other." Ooh, let's find out. My money's on Kandi. Or it would be, if there were any room left for my money after everyone in the entire world already put all their money on Kandi. Dammit. Finally, it's "TIMO -- THE BOSS," played by Oded Fehr -- younger than me, grayer than me, but sooo much prettier than me. Sam says Timo's a suspect in any number of unsolved heists, but only got arrested once, and then the witness was murdered. So clearly his secretiveness, if not his paranoia, has worked out well for him in his chosen profession. Still, Michael figures he can get the job called off even without knowing what it is; all he'll have to do is get one member of the crew in trouble with the police. I assume he means another member besides Trevor. Sam seems to think that Gilbert is the softest target: "You get him pulled over after one beer, it's jail time." Michael's already on the phone to Fi, asking if she wants to make a new friend and have a drink with him. "Good looking guy," he adds, looking at Gilbert's mug shot. Sure, if you're into cave trolls.
Looking fancy in a white dress, Fiona catches up with Gilbert while he's having lunch at a sidewalk café. Man, those places must be a dream to shoot at or something. Affecting an accent that I didn't know was French until the closed captioning told me (seriously, I heard better French accents on Rome), she invites herself to sit down at his table and orders them each a glass of champagne. She introduces herself as Fifi, and he shakes her hand as though this happens to him all the time. She tries to get him to join her in a toast, but she's overplayed it (because why take her time, after all?) and he gets up to move to another table. Nice to see someone finally prove immune to her alleged charms. Sam is watching from the sidewalk as her backup, and as he moves into position, Michael VOs, "When you're looking to get somebody arrested, bad guys can't always be counted on to commit crimes on your schedule. Sometimes you have to give them a little push." And with that, just as a police car happens to roll up on someone across the street, Sam walks up to Gilbert's new table and throws Gilbert's own drink in his face. Something alcoholic would have been better, but sometimes you have to improvise. Sam rudely tells Gilbert to get away from "my special table," while Fi sits contently sipping her champagne and looking back and forth between the cops and the altercation brewing before her. Finally Gilbert is sufficiently provoked to sock Sam, sending his shades flying in slow motion. Michael's VO continues: "Once you've got a crime in progress, you can let the authorities take over. That assumes, of course, that the authorities are paying attention." Which the cops across the street are clearly not, so Sam has to get up and come at Gilbert again, while Fi continues to watch and do nothing. Sure, now she's not in a hurry. Finally Fi decides Sam's had enough, and screams for the cops to come pull Gilbert off. Which they do. It takes both of them, which explains why neither of them cuffs Fi for aggravated assault on Anglo-Gallic diction.
Trevor meets Michael to tell him that he heard from Timo; even with Gilbert in jail, Timo is still determined to pull off the job. Michael comes up with a plan B on the fly: "Find out the target, tip 'em off." Trevor is nervous about trying to pump Timo for information, but Michael says to leave that to him. But -- does that mean Michael is going to go undercover to infiltrate the gang? That's crazy talk! He explains to Trevor, "Taking Gilbert out didn't get the job called off, but it did create a job opening." Which Michael now proposes to fill. All Trevor needs to do is set up a meeting between him and Timo. "Tell him I'll meet him tomorrow. I've got some things to do tonight."
In case you missed it, that was a somewhat clunky transition to the scene, which finds a black-clad Michael using the roof exit on the building across the street from Carla's. Of course the alarm goes off, but as Michael VOs, "You can't stop a door alarm from going off, but you can explain it. Leave a few cigarette butts on the ground and anyone stopping by will assume someone was just sneaking a smoke break." Which still leaves the question of how a clean-living guy like Michael acquired the butts he now scatters on the gravel roof, but never mind. Michael also stuffs a wad of paper in the doorjamb to keep it from latching behind him, which is good thinking. I was once trapped in a skyscraper stairwell for twenty minutes because I didn't think to do that. Okay, twice, but I don't count the second time. Michael's on his headset phone with Sam, who's operating a computer at home base. Using dental putty, Michael affixes a webcam/signal booster assembly to the roof cornice pointed at the entrance to Carla's building, while Sam checks the framing on the computer monitor to ensure they've got a good angle. Michael's VO warns that you have to aim it just right the first time because of how quickly the dental putty hardens. Keep that in mind for later. His work here done, Michael returns to the roof exit, but hearing footsteps coming up the stairs, promises to call Sam back as he scampers off to look for cover. A gray-haired security guard opens the door and sees the butts on the ground as Michael VOs at unnecessary length about "making yourself invisible," which he claims is not as exotic as it sounds. I don't think it sounds exotic at all; in fact, I just call it "hiding." Which Michael is doing by hanging off the side of the building by his black-gloved fingerprints. That flummoxes the guard, but it's not like the guard is going to stick that wad of paper back in the door latch when he leaves. So now it's going to take Michael the whole commercial break to get down from there.
Back at the loft, the day -- or some days afterward, it's hard to tell -- Sam shows Michael some edited surveillance footage, which seems to have all kinds of different camera angles and zooming and everything. Michael's too modest about the limitations of dental putty, it would seem. The upshot of what Sam's learned is that there's a security shift change at 3:45 every day, at which point the only person watching the front is an old guy positioned at a sidewalk café table across the street. But he has to get up and check it out every time someone goes into the alley, so that's Michael's security gap. Michael congratulates Sam on his good work, which is even more impressive if we assume that this happens the morning after Michael planted the webcam. Which we probably can't, but then Michael hasn't heard back from Timo, has he? "I'd love to stay and bask in the glory," Sam says, "but I got my big 'one month since we said "I love you"' celebration tonight. Sammy's getting some hammy tonight." Oh, ew.
Cut to Sam with Veronica, all dressed up in a fancy restaurant. They gush at each other for a while about how happy they are, but you know it's all doomed when Sam says, "We are on a nice little roll here." Just hearing that tells you it's about to end. And here it goes, when Veronica says, "Oh, Sam... Marry me." Despite his decades of seasoning in the field, Sam fails to hide his panic. "There's a question, huh?" he blusters. Smooth.
Meanwhile, Michael is home brushing up on his safe-cracking skills. While he's bent over his workbench, he VOs that safe-cracking is a standard part of the average spy's skillset: "Spies steal secrets and people keep their secrets in safes." QED. The tricky part is keeping current on the latest models and features, hence the little practice session he's having. Fi's also there for some reason, messing around with his stuff and generally making a nuisance of herself. Spinning a dial when he's one number away, she tells him, "the last number's always the same: C-4." Ooh, good one. Except that's not a number, moron. Michael reminds her and us that Timo's enough of a control freak that he's likely to put Michael through some kind of test. And with regard to Fi's lack of support for his homework project, he says, "You don't like it because it takes patience." Even Fi can't deny that, as she picks up a power drill. I think this is meant to be kind of sexy, but all I'm thinking about is what she's even doing there. This is the worst breakup ever. Fortunately, Trevor calls and says that Timo is ready to meet. Fi gives the drill a spin and flits away. I suppose it's too much to hope she'll trip and fall on it while it's running.
The morning, Michael VOs about how tricky it can be to establish a criminal cover ID in a world that's got its own whole subculture and hierarchy: "Bank robbers are the rock stars, con artists are the snobs, car thieves are the blue collar guys, and safe-crackers are the artists." This is as Michael rides around Miami in a Range Rover with Timo and his crew. His "artist" persona is probably why he's talking to them in a flat, affectless voice that suggests some kind of social maladjustment and insisting on being called Joseph instead of Joe. Michael asks about the safe they'll be targeting, but instead of answering, Timo says he doesn't like working with people he doesn't know, so he proposes they get to know each other now. And they'll do this by all walking into the convenience store Trevor has just pulled up to and paying the clerk to take off, whereupon Timo orders Michael to crack the safe behind the counter. "No," Michael says flatly. "If you're looking for a guy to crack a liquor store safe I'm not your man," he slurs. Timo nods to Kandi, who puts her gun to Michael's head. He's unimpressed. "Last time I checked you needed a safe-cracker," he says, breaking character a bit with a little bluff-calling smile. So Timo puts his own gun to Trevor's head and insists. Michael pulls out a pocketknife and asks for a cup, which Kandi retrieves from to the soda fountain. Going behind the counter, he cuts the bottom of the cup out, creating himself a makeshift stethoscope which he uses to listen to the tumblers. As he turns the dial, he VOs about how referring a friend for a job puts you on the hook; in retail you could get fired, and in organized crime, you could get killed. Yes, Michael's VO, we gathered that from the rapidly deepening muzzle-print under Trevor's jaw. Fortunately for Trevor, Michael opens the safe and says, "Happy?" Timo is; he hands Michael a slip of paper and tells him to be at that address at 3:00. As he and Kandi leave Trevor and Michael in the store without even raiding the safe that Timo paid a fat wad to get opened, Michael allows himself an expression of relief. If he registers any concern about how he and Trevor are going to be getting home now, it happens during he commercials. Or maybe they just borrow cab fare from the safe.
Inside Timo's boathouse HQ later that day, Michael fidgets with a scale model of a building (presumably the target), and Robin Givens gets her first line of the episode when she tells him not to touch anything. I was kind of hoping she'd just be the scary, silent enforcer throughout the episode. Oh, well. Timo arrives with C.J. and introduces him to Michael, who ignores C.J.'s greeting like the withdrawn, aloof artist type he's pretending to be (as opposed to the withdrawn, aloof spy type he actually is). Timo also hands Michael a cell phone and orders him to always answer by the third ring, no matter what, "even if you're in the shower." My, what a colorful character this Timo is. That's all he could come up with? Now that everyone knows each other, they all sit around the model on the table for the briefing. Timo points to the entry point on their model, and Michael asks if they're breaking in. "No, man, it's sweeter than that," C.J. says, but is abruptly cut off by a sharp look from Timo. Clearly that's not on the safe-cracker's need-to-know list. Michael starts firing questions at Timo, but he's not giving anything away that doesn't have anything directly to do with the safe. Timo rattles off the model name and description of the safe and lock and says Michael will have nineteen minutes. He's ready to move on, but Michael has more questions. Timo gets irritated with Michael's curiosity, but Michael doesn't back down, saying he needs to know when the safe was installed so he knows what countermeasures to expect. Timo grits that it was installed two years ago, and Michael smiles and says they can move on. But Timo, completely thrown off his groove, calls an abrupt end to the meeting and throws everyone out...except Trevor. I'd be worried if this weren't only the third act.
Later, Trevor shows up at the loft's courtyard, reporting to Michael and Sam that he wasn't in trouble; Timo just wanted to give him a "scatter point." What that is (aside from a cool-sounding episode title) is a location where Trevor is supposed to stash backup cars nearby for every member of the crew in case anything goes wrong. Handing the address to Michael, he says that the scatter point is always within a half mile of the location. So with that information, plus the fact that the city requires a permit to install that kind of safe, plus the knowledge of when it was installed, they should be able to determine the target. Trevor hopes that means he doesn't have to get the backup cars, but Michael straightens him out that he needs to proceed as planned. You know, just in case something goes wrong with Michael's plan, which it always does until right before the last commercial and we've still got two to go. After Trevor leaves, Michael's about to go back upstairs when Sam stops him to remind him to ask how his date went. Dutifully, Michael does. "Not real good," is Sam's answer. "Sorry to hear that," Michael says, and turns away again. But he's stopped when Sam says he got proposed to. Michael asks what answer he gave, and Sam admits he hasn't given one yet, and Veronica's freaking out. Michael doesn't see a way out of this conversation, and wades into the personal issue with his typical level of terse discomfiture.
Michael: "Do you love her?"
Sam: "She could be the one."
Michael: "Then say yes."
Sam: "But it's complicated."
Michael: "Then say no."
Sam: "You're a true friend, Mikey." It's unclear how serious he is. Either way, their heart-to-heart is over.
Later, Michael meets Trevor on a street corner after Trevor has finished putting the backup cars in place. They're looking across the street at the building Michael and Sam have determined to be Timo's target: the jewelry exchange. But as for the original plan to tip them off, Michael says, "We hit a little snag." Turns out C.J. is working at the place -- Timo's inside man. So if they're not careful about how they manage the tip-off, Timo's going to know one of his crew is blabbing. Michael tells Trevor, "His first guess is going to be me or you; either way it's bad for you." Michael promises a stressed-out Trevor that he'll deal with it, and sends Trevor on his way with a smile that I'm sure he means to be reassuring, but doesn't fool me even before it turns into a facepalm. Which, just to be clear, it does.
Near Carla's building, Sam pays a kid on a skateboard five bucks to roll down that side alley. That done, he hops back into the CadillAxe with Fi so they can wait for the opening for Michael to make his move. Seconds before the start of a highly delicate operation, Sam abruptly changes the subject to ask Fi for advice: "I'm trying to come up with a gift. Something that says, 'I love you, but I can't marry you.' And not too expensive." Fi says there's no such gift, and asks Sam why he can't marry her. Well, it turns out that Sam is technically already married. Shutting Fi's mouth for her to prevent flies from wandering in (and if it's that easy, why can't he do it all the time?), Sam explains that it was the 70s, and although both he and his new bride realized their mistake the morning, he never got around to getting divorced. "I didn't think any of it mattered because I wasn't the marrying type. Until now." Fi advises Sam to tell Veronica the truth. "We all have skeletons," Fi says. "Horrible, horrible skeletons." Yes, Fi, but most of us keep them in our closet instead of hanging clothes on them and walking around like that.
Sam's still considering that when things start happening across the street. During the security shift change, the kid on the skateboard goes by, the old guy at the corner gets up to investigate, and Michael walks toward the entrance of Carla's apparently unattended building carrying a briefcase. Of course that's the moment when the phone he got from Timo chooses to ring. "I'm in the shower," he growls into it, but Timo gives him thirty minutes to show up. Rolling his eyes, Michael aborts the mission, much to Sam's confusion. Sam calls Michael's phone to ask what's up, and Michael tells him about Timo's call. "I think I'm gonna need some backup," he adds. As we'll see, it's a good thing he thought to add that.When Michael arrives at the boathouse, Trevor's already there, giving him a trapped look. Timo tosses Michael a pair of dark-blue coveralls just like the rest of the crew is wearing and tells him to put them on. "No more questions. Get dressed, get your gear, get in the van." Did I mention there's a van? So presumably Michael had been storing his safe-cracking equipment at the boathouse, because otherwise having to go home for it might have put a little crimp in Timo's ingeniously engineered plan. When Timo leaves the room, Trevor whispers to Michael that he's out, and damn the consequences. Michael talks Trevor out of bailing, dropping his character voice and speaking way too loud as he says, "You know what your boy needs more than a promise? He needs his dad. Now let me handle this, and when I'm done, you'll never have to worry about Timo again. Trust me." And then Timo, who overheard the whole thing, comes back in and shoots them both. Not really, but it would serve Michael right.
Outside the boathouse, the newly-coveralled Michael joins the rest of the crew sans C.J. He's about to go around the corner, claiming he has to pee, but Timo wants his phone back before letting Michael out of his sight. The handoff of the phone is viewed through a telescope from a distance, and then Michael goes behind a fuel tank, unzips his coverall, and whips out... a notebook. What were you expecting? This is basic cable, after all. As he scribbles something on a slip of paper and drops it on the ground, he VOs that sending a message in the middle of an operation is one of the most dangerous things you can do. "Sometimes you just have to drop a note and hope your backup team is paying attention." Which they clearly are, because after the crew takes off in the van, the CadillAxe rolls up and Sam retrieves the note. "They're doing the heist now. We don't have much time," Sam reports to Fi, who responds, "I was wondering when the fun would start." Not a good line to put into the fifth episode of a season.
When the van containing Trevor, Timo, Kandi, and Michael arrives at the jewelry exchange, the guard answers the security phone and asks his coworkers, "Monteiro Heating and Air?" "Finally," C.J. says from nearby. "Tell them to hurry up." The garage door opens and Trevor drives the van inside, while Sam just happens to wander past on the busy sidewalk outside. Once inside the inner security gate, Timo and crew pull their guns on the guards and arm C.J., then lock the guards in a storage room. Timo leads Michael to the room with the safe. "Nineteen minutes," he reminds Michael, who unzips his bag, pulls out his gear, and gets to work. And from what I can tell, modern-day safe-cracking seems to involve a great deal of specialized tools, funky music, and lots and lots of flashy editing.
Sam is not idle outside. He's found a highly convenient electrical junction box on the sidewalk, which he pries open and locates a certain wire inside. After waiting a minute, he cuts the wire, and an alarm goes off. Michael hears it from inside while still working on the safe, and sneaks a smile before Timo comes in. Still playing the dedicated artist, Michael asks for five more minutes, but Timo's shutting them down. He runs back out to the van, where everyone else is already ditching their coveralls, and tells them to be back at base in 33 minutes. Michael quietly offers to blow the lock, saying it'll only take two more minutes, but Timo shoots that down. Trevor torches the van, and they all walk out of there in their civvies, going their own separate ways to where Trevor left their cars. Sam, by the way, is already at Timo's car, letting the air out of his tires. Trevor reaches his own backup car just in time to see a small fleet of cop cars go screaming by, but he's seasoned enough at this to look like a curious bystander before driving calmly away. Timo's reaction to finding his tire flat is a bit less calm.
Back at the boathouse, Sam and Fi watch from the bushes as C.J. and Kandi arrive first and start arguing about what went wrong. Michael and Trevor show up, and the former asks them what they're so upset about. Kandi says she's pissed about walking away with nothing. "What do you mean, nothing?" Michael drones. "I got the stuff, it was in the bag, I gave it to Timo." C.J. and Kandi are instantly suspicious of their boss, and Michael and Trevor play along as Michael VOs, "A certain kind of leader insists on controlling every aspect of an operation so that nothing can possibly go wrong." And as the crew starts to head into the boathouse, Michael gives a signal, which Fi responds to by hitting the button on a remote detonator, blowing the boathouse sky-high. Yeah, without Michael around to encourage restraint, it looks like she overdid it a bit. From over a hundred yards away, all four of Timo's crew are knocked flat in the dirt driveway, and even Sam is startled by the size of the conflagration, which takes out, like, boats docked nearby. This is a pretty complicated plan he and Fi pulled off in such a short time, wasn't it? I'm wondering how much information Michael had time to put in that little note he dropped. I'm also thinking it's a good thing he had a notebook with him and didn't have to leave his message by writing it in the weeds with his urine. Anyway, Michael's VO continues: "The downside to insisting on controlling everything is that when something bad happens, people tend to think it was all part of your plan." Tactical judo again. I love how Michael always finds a way to use his enemies' strengths against them. Sure enough, Kandi is the first one to realize, "[Timo] set us up." Still in character, Michael turns on Trevor and knocks him against the back of the nearest car for getting him into this. C.J. pulls Michael off Trevor while he's still threatening to find and kill Timo, and Kandi promises, "He'll be dead long before you find him."
And now we catch up to Timo, putting a couple of suitcases in a car before getting in. He of course still doesn't know what happened, and when Kandi shows up he tells her they can't be seen together. "Get somewhere and stay there until you hear from me," he orders her. Kandi asks about the jewels, and when he denies getting any (because he didn't), Kandi pulls her gun on him and counts to three. Timo just stutters in panic, and the scene goes black right at the bang.
Back at the loft, Michael hands Trevor a makeshift icepack and apologizes for giving him a black eye. "I had to sell it," he explains. Trevor's fine with having bought it, and promises to be back the day with some jewelry for Michael and his friends. "That is not necessary," Michael assures him, both because he never takes payment and because the last thing he needs is a loft full of hot rocks. Although it seems like they could stand to make the crunchy beating Sam got from Gilbert a little worth his while. As they shake hands at the door, Michael reminds Trevor, "We didn't actually steal anything. So the promise that you made..." Trevor smiles, because apparently not only does he have the pink slips for all those backup cars he got, it sounds like attempted robbery isn't illegal in Miami, nor is assault (pointing guns at the guards), kidnapping (locking them in a storage room), or arson (torching a van inside a building). I'm sure he and his parole officer will have a good laugh about this story at their meeting.
Some other day, Michael's in a rush to get out the door to move on Carla's building an hour early, but Fi has just painted her toenails and wants a few more minutes to let them dry. At Michael's place, she's doing this. Okay, we know Fi has a home, because we saw it in the first season. Why is she never there? She asks Michael her contractually-required doubtful question about what Michael's expecting to find in Carla's office, and he tersely answers, "No idea. Maybe I'll hit the jackpot and find out her real name and Social Security number. Or I might find out what kind of staples she likes. Either way, it's more than what I have now." That's becoming his mantra here. Still anxious to get going and bored of watching her toenails dry, he smears them for her on purpose and says it's time to go. On their way out, they meet Sam, who's carrying a couple of suitcases and a pillow, which are quickly explained, even though he doesn't really have to. Still, he says that confessing his marital status to Veronica doesn't appear to have worked out. "She kicked me out, Mike," he says, glaring flatly at Fi. "Out of her place and out of her life. Thanks for the advice, Fi." Fi at least has the grace to look mortified, but suddenly she's in a hurry to get out of there too. "Who wants a beer?" Sam asks the empty apartment. He doesn't seem to hear me take him up on it, no matter how loudly I yell into my TV's speaker grille.
Michael and Fi are in position near Carla's building during the security window. This time the decoy is a graybeard in a suit who thinks Fi is going to be meeting him in the alley for a little assignation. Of course he's taking the bait, mopping his forehead and walking quickly to where Fi told him to go. He must not have seen her toenails. When he goes into the alley and the old guy watching from the corner gets up to follow, Michael hops out of the car. "Back in a few, Fi," he says with confidence. That's just asking for trouble.
This time Michael makes it all the way into the office, but it's been stripped bare, right down to the cubicle walls. The only item in sight is on the receptionist's counter, and it's one of those digital picture frames that can run a constant slide show and let you make a voice recording. The pictures in the frame are of Michael's first attempt to enter the building, and the recording is Carla saying, "Michael, nice try. Your day job does get in the way, doesn't it?" And for that, Tricia Helfer's name was in the opening credits. Now that is a rip-off. Michael VOs about how "there's no bigger slap in the face than a picture of yourself in the middle of an operation. It sends a clear message: we're one step ahead of you, we're in control, we own you." Still, Michael makes his way deeper into the office to find a bottle of champagne and a little bouquet of "Congratulations" balloons. "That's just twisting the knife," his VO concludes. But wait, there's more: that champagne bottle is weighing down a manila envelope, and inside the envelope is another completed crossword puzzle, courtesy of Carla. Jeez, man, is having Michael on the payroll really this much trouble if They have to keep going this far out of Their way to thwart his efforts to track Them down? I mean, this is what he does. He's going to get there eventually, even if this does mean he's back at square one. But as of now, Michael's face indicates that he is feeling, if you'll pardon the expression, 2 down.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com