In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
We begin with a duel of sorts- Michelle and Fanny's respective morning routines exercising and stuff like that. Then, they go to some sort of accountant or financial advisor. They are worthless, falling asleep and distracted the whole time. The poor advisor tries to get them to pay attention and not be... you know. But, they're still crazy and whatnot.
Melanie continues her assault on academia by deigning a health movie irrelevant because the people in it had body hair. She and Ginny see Cozette (I spelled her name with an “s” last week but apparently that's wrong?) and Frankie holding court on the stairwell and are still perplexed by their immediate popularity. Also, Frankie makes eyes at Ginny, which is cute. Then, Melanie's brother gets openly dumped by his girlfriend, which makes both Melanie and Ginny happy.
Michelle and Fanny stop to buy candles at some roadside candle place and realize that guy is on their land. He's being charged rent by the alpaca farmer nearby. Instead of demanding that the alpaca guys give them all of the money that they had charged the candle guy, they decide that they will open an outdoor theatre.
Charlie is totally heart sick and Melanie is no help at all. Truly is still without boundaries and her store has overtaken the dance studio. Cozette's dancing is BRILLIANT. She is thrilling to watch. The girls tell Michelle that Godot, the sexy bartender, is back in town. Melanie finds out that Charlie didn't do anything bad to get dumped and she starts to feel bad for him.
Michelle and Fanny need to get a loan for their amphitheater. There's a snag- Michelle finds out that she didn't actually finish high school. She apparently spent a really long time at Dollywood instead. I've got stuff to say about that.
The most amazing moment that has happened on this show, save for maybe the They Might Be Giants dance, is Ginny and Melanie walking down the hall at school. Ginny is talking about how her dad is getting remarried and her future step-mom is even crazier than her current mom. Then, they pass the girl that broke up with Charlie and, without even thinking, Melanie grabs her by the hair and throws her to the ground! And keeps walking! Ginny is completely stunned! LOVED IT.
Michelle goes to the Oyster Bar and the girls are there. They know she's there to see Godot. Millie is there! God, I hope she's always going to be here. Michelle and Sam are trivia partners for trivia night and Michelle is really no good, which makes her feel even worse about her high school drop outing. Michelle tries to flirt with Godot but it doesn't go well because she tries to relate to him as an idiot. Then, Michelle dumps him out of his chair.
Michelle talks with Millie and it looks like she and Fanny have a business partner in the amphitheater project. Also, Cozette and Frankie win trivia and Cozette recommends to Melanie that she join roller derby. When the girls go to Sasha's house after trivia, Melanie and Ginny notice that there are packed boxes everywhere. They find out that her parents are moving. Sasha tells her mother that she's not leaving, then she heads to Michelle's. She tells her about the whole thing. Sasha doesn't know what she's going to do, but Michelle tells her that she's got her back.
The end is a really beautiful contemporary dance that is just a thing to behold. The girls are so beautiful and expressive. Stuff like this is what really makes this show special. I mean, where else? As the dance ends, we see Sasha's face lined with worry.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!It's 8 AM and alarms are going off. Backed by Rocky-style exercise montage music, Michelle and Fanny both rise to greet the day. Michelle dunks her face in ice water while Fanny does yoga and jumps on one of those tiny trampolines. Michelle makes a smoothie that she takes one taste of and then dumps out the window. Not a fan of kale, I see. Man, whose idea was it for us to start drinking kale? Also, I guess they don't have bugs in Paradise, because no one seems to have screens on their windows. Michelle shows up at Fanny's door with two very large travel mugs. I'm assuming there is coffee in them. Or Hurricanes. Michelle swats ass on the Fanny as they walk out the door. I know, I know, it means something different in England.
, we see them struggling to stay awake as they listen to a financial advisor sort. They keep hitting each other to keep the other one awake. Finally, Michelle uses her fingers to prop her eyelids open, at which point the poor advisor dude is offended. He says that they are children and wasting his time. He points out that they don't charge half of their students for their lessons, which Michelle says is Fanny's fault. Then, he says that they managed to lose money on their annual fundraiser, which Fanny says is Michelle's fault. They both accept responsibility for closing down the studio when either one of them has as much as a bad day. The guy tells them that they need to make money, either through their business or their land. They don't know what to do with their land. Michelle educates everyone on what a sluicer is. That's how people pan for gold. How on earth she knows what a sluicer is but she doesn't know how to make an edible smoothie (as a DANCER for God's sake, don't they drink like two-thirds of their meals anyway? The other third they smoke) is beyond me.
At the high school, Melanie is bitching about health class. She's surprised that people even reproduced in the '70s (that's when their course material was made) because they had so much body hair. I mean, different strokes for different folks. They see Cozette holding court in the stairwell and its official, these girls are consumed with, if not jealousy, fascination at how quickly this girl has become the most popular person in the world. Aside from the narrative tool of making her more interesting by keeping her on the fringes for a little bit longer, it's strange that we always see her talking to people but never to our girls. Frankie is there too, drawing. Ginny gets nervous and wants to leave but Melanie wants to take a picture to see if they show up on her phone. That is really funny. She is sending the pic to Sasha and Boo. Ginny tells her to tell them about the laughter and the clapping and the rehearsed casual leaning. These girls mean business.
Ginny alerts Melanie to a scene that is playing out. Charlie is being dumped by Stacia at his locker. Melanie wants to buy her a pony. Stacia demands Charlie's sweatshirt then throws it away. Charlie slinks to class and Melanie takes a picture of the sweatshirt in the trash. When you are in high school, there is no one that can be more cruel about romantic relationships than your siblings. They are the worst.
Michelle and Fanny are driving home and discussing how they hate their accountant. I mean, what did they expect? Ladies, admit that you were rude. Michelle found him on Yelp, which Fanny says is for people who photograph their food. That's an actually freaking ASTUTE observation that is currently being discussed here. They stop at a roadside stand to buy some candles, all of which Michelle finds hideous but Fanny loves. Michelle realizes that the candle guy is on their land and the alpaca farmer down the street has been charging him rent. Michelle proposes they build an amphitheater to rent to bands and stuff. Like the Delacorte? Sure. And, Fanny would be Joseph Papp? Yes, Michelle says, she would be a low-rent Joseph Papp. I love Fanny, but she's going to have to do a lot to be even a low-rent Joseph Papp. He's the Grandfather of Off-Broadway. Fanny would be the Grandmother of Off-San Andreas Fault. She thinks it's a good idea though. Then, she takes the candles that she wants and says that they are for rent. She also takes a basket, but no one really says anything about that.
The day, Melanie tries to get Charlie out of bed to drive her to class. She notes that he's listening to "Vampire Doesn't Sparkle Anymore" music. She's so mean. He throws his keys to her and tells her to drive herself even though she's a horrible driver, doesn't have a license and Christopher Walken in Annie Hall is her vehicular role model. She's starting to figure out that he's maybe not OK.
At the dance studio, Ginny and Sasha are looking at the pic of Cozette and noting how people from disparate social groups are hanging together while Cozette was talking. Melanie comes in and hears Ginny say that the breaking up of cliques is defueling society. She is also worried that Cozette is bringing yellow back, which is not her color. Suddenly, Cozette enters trailed by Matisse. She is explaining the history of the artist Matisse, which the girl Matisse apparently does not know. I guess her parents have never spoken to her? How could they not explain that? Wouldn't you be like, "Hey guys, there are a couple of Abbys, Avas and Sophies in my class every year. I'm the only Matisse ever. Kids have a hard time reading it even. What gives?" She just thought that her parents misspelled Melissa. Cozette says that Matisse's grandson was her godfather. She offers to loan her a biography but says that she'll need to give it back seeing as Julian Schnabel's notes are in the margins. First of all, awesome. Second of all, I bet Julian Schnabel hasn't read a book since Dick and Jane. Maybe he was just doodling in that book?
In the studio, Fanny is calling for Truly. Her store stuff is everywhere. Fanny tells her to clear it so she can teach class. Cozette says that the stuff can stay -- they can make it work. Then, she dances to a classical piece, using all of the racks and stools and whatnot as props. God, I love her. This is shot so beautifully. The girls are not happy though. Cozette even won the studio.
Michelle comes in with some ridiculous story about a squirrel stealing her store and ultimately revealing the best place for an amphitheater. Afterwards, Sasha and the girls tell Michelle that Godot, the hot bartender, is back in Paradise. Michelle says that she doesn't care, but she does ask how he looked. Fanny needs help moving a box and Cozette calls to Frankie who is drawing nearby and speaks to him in sign language asking for help. Melanie says that they are two really hot unicorns. Indeed. Frankie is something ELSE, y'all.
Fanny and Michelle barge in on Eric the Accountant who is in a session with other clients and demand to be heard regarding their amphitheater idea. He proposes that they are going to need a proper business plan to get a loan or funding in general. Through some odd worm hole of cinematic logic, Michelle decides that in order to be Meyer Lansky (the Ben Kingsley type, not the Patrick Dempsey type) she will take a business class.
Melanie corners Charlie's moron friend while he's playing paper football and asks why Charlie got dumped. He didn't do anything. Stacia was just being mean. Melanie is stunned. This is the first she ever heard of Charlie caring about anyone but himself. Uh oh.
So, Michelle enrolls in a business class at the local junior college. When she returns to the studio, she discusses with Fanny the prospect of maybe charging Truly rent. Fanny is not into it. What she should be into is suing the alpaca farmer for all of the rent that he charged the candle dude. Then, Michelle gets a call from the college telling her that she never graduated from high school. She apparently went on a trip to Dollywood and didn't finish the summer school she needed for her high school requirement. There is some background information needed to explain that pathology. I mean, that's crazy.
At school, Ginny tells Melanie about how her dad is planning the same exact wedding with his new wife as he had with her mother. And, her mother is inconsolable. Melanie listens silently. Then, as they pass Stacia at her locker, she reaches out, curls Stacia's ponytail in her hand and throws her to the floor. Win! This is the best moment that has happened on this series. First of all, kudos to that actress who is playing Stacia. She took that fall like a champ. Melanie is so brilliant right here. You see how she didn't even know that she would throw down for her brother but it was obviously always there. And, special mention must go to Ginny. She is SHOCKED by what Melanie does. She hardly looks at Stacia though. Instead, she steps over her and asks Melanie what just happened. Melanie doesn't know. Also, should they go back? No. Soooooooo good. Guys, I've watched this scene at least twelve times now and made like five people watch it with me. It was like Melanie wasn't even interested in engaging Stacia. She just wanted her down on the ground.
Later, at the Oyster Bar, Rose is running trivia night. Michelle shows up in a pretty dress. Truly is all set up with a special trivia-winning luck altar. The girls are there and say that Michelle's there to see Godot. Sasha doesn't seem to like her dress, which is weird. It's a cute dress. Millie, Truly's sister, apparently owns the trivia equipment and tells everyone to not eat while using the machines. She's a pill.
Sam recruits Michelle to be her teammate. Michelle can't even answer the arts questions, so she's feeling kind of dumb. The questions are freaking hard though. I did know that Mary Tyler Moore was in the musical of Breakfast At Tiffany's but only because it was multiple choice. Millie tries to help Truly win by cheating, but she won't accept her help. Michelle goes to the bar and talks to Godot. She tries to joke about being a high school dropout. "Here's to being dumb," she tries to toast to him. He throws his drink out though. He tells her that he has a Masters in Oceanography and is thinking of seeking his PhD. He's unhappy with her. The girls ask her what went wrong but she says it was nothing. Melanie still takes the opportunity to dump Godot out of his chair. She is my vehicular role model. She tells the girls that she just saw red, then he was on the floor.
Michelle finds Eric at the Oyster House and tries to bend his ear about her problems. He tells her that he doesn't care. He has his own problems. That guy is a really good actor. Millie is ruling the place. Michelle sits with her and asks her if she's be interested in buying some of their land. She's actually more interested in the amphitheater idea. She wants to be her partner. This could be fun. To watch. Not to live. Cozette drops by Melanie's table and gives her a flier for a roller derby team. Frankie and Cozette win the trivia night, which is perfect. Truly doesn't like that Michelle is going into business with Millie. She says that Millie gets everything she wants. Michelle says that she didn't get Hubbell, which makes Truly smile.
Later, the girls all go to Sasha's house. She doesn't mention that everything in her house is packed, except Sasha's room. Sasha explains that her parents are moving but says that she's not going. Her mother comes in and asks Ginny and Melanie to leave. Then, she tells Sasha that the moving van is coming the day. She says she's not moving. She says that Sasha can stay in the house until escrow closes. She's giving up. So, Sasha is on her own. Michelle finds her waiting in the rain at the studio that night. Sasha is bewildered by all of the keys. Michelle's solution is to try to offer the kid booze. Luckily, she doesn't really do that. She tells Sasha that she's got her back.
We end with a contemporary routine, the girls (minus Boo who was absent this entire episode) with Sasha at the center dance to "You, Sailor" by Erin McKeown. It's a really beautiful, pensive, anxious song and the dance suits it. Lots of reaching and bending, like the new problems and choices that Sasha is having to make are turning her inside out. We end with her clutching her face which is lined with worry as the other girls surround her.
Jeff Long is a writer/performer in Brooklyn. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com or followed on Twitter at @jblong.