Ace gave this episode a grade of
C
1082 users have given this episode an average grade of
A-
Previously on Buffy: Buffy wouldn't sleep with Spike again, but Tara and Willow had no problems in that department. Buffy bashed Warren's balls, and The "Bitch" Count for this hour of TV went from zero to two in three seconds. Spike was a bad, bad man in Buffy's bathroom, and then did a Pike (sans Buffy). Warren took his Second Amendment rights a little too far.
An ambulance speeds through the streets of Sunnydale, then pulls up in front of the Summers house. Xander runs out of the side yard to guide the paramedics to Buffy's body, and I know I should be all involved in the drama here, but since the preview last week already showed Buffy up and mobile, I'm not feeling the suspense. Instead, I spent most of this scene snickering at one of the paramedic extras' nasty moustache and trying to see if the other one, who has cool hair, is cute. One minute and thirty seconds after the episode starts, and they've lost me already. Xander watches the extras as they start to work on Buffy.
Upstairs, Willow sobs and caresses Tara's face, refusing to accept that her girlfriend is dead. With some whistling noises, the room darkens and the ceiling is obscured by swirling storm clouds. During the heyday of the prairie look, I was in eighth grade and had a shirt a lot like Willow's. Without the blood spatters, of course. But with more satin ribbon detailing. It occurs to me that the bloodstains might have been a better look. Willow, all with the solid black eyes, commands Osiris to bring Tara back.
Ooh! The non-mustachioed extra is kinda cute! Uh, I mean Buffy is in mortal danger; her "lung sounds are wet." Xander frets, and Moustache tells him to back off. Buffy blinks.
Oh, Jesus. My cat just yakked up all of her breakfast right in front of the TV! I choose to interpret that as her editorial comment on this episode, and I have to concur. Now she's lying on the floor glaring at me. Sorry -- contractually obligated to continue recapping, Frances. You'll just have to be patient. And stop spewing that freaky yellow bile. Recapping keeps you in kibble and Petromalt.
Willow bosses Osiris around some more and then says please. Osiris isn't too charmed, and tells her that Tara cannot be brought back to life because she died a "human death by humans means." Can't get back someone who was taken by "natural order," unless of course it was last season and you were Dawn and you managed to raise your mother, who died of a brain aneurysm, from the dead. Willow screams, "Noooooooo," and a rippling force shoots out of her mouth and zaps Osiris, who vanishes. Oh, the heartbreak of halitosis! Maybe Willow and Buffy should've tried using bad breath on that other pesky hell god they had to fight?
“ 'He's coming for us,' delusions Andrew. 'He's out there right now devising a brilliant way to get us out of here.' Oh yeah, suuuure. And the sun will come out tomorrow, Little Orphan Andrew. ”
The medic extras roll Buffy's gurney into the front yard, followed by Xander. He runs into Willow on the front walk. Xander seems to register that Willow is bloody because he asks if she's okay, but he seems too shocked for it to really sink in. Willow's eyes are back to normal and she simply asks, "How did this happen?" Xander replies that Warren was the shooter, and Willow zombies, "Warren" before taking off down the street. Xander calls after her, but then has to hop in the ambulance to accompany Buffy to the hospital.
Sunnydale police station. Jonathan and Andrew are locked in a cell, sniping at each other. Jonathan indicates a burly man in the cell and says he thinks the guy wants to make him "his butt monkey," but Andrew scoffs that Burly Man is just in for parking violations. Jonathan is freaked that prison rapists like "the small ones with little hands like their girlfriends." Andrew tells him to "chill" because Warren is going to free them any minute. Jonathan is skeptical, and then they drift into their little nerd fantasyland for a second, talking about WarGames. "I miss Ferris Matthew [Broderick]. Broadway Matthew -- I find him cold." Jonathan doesn't agree, but then remembers that he and Andrew have real problems to deal with, like the fact that Andrew's aunt never responded to his one phone call. Jonathan growls about how Andrew and Warren were going to "fly off and leave [him] holding the bag," and Andrew cracks me up (a little) by very insincerely saying, "I was going tocarry you." He flops back down on the bunk. Jonathan snides that the "nice murderer" Warren was going to ditch him and then ditch Andrew too, but Andrew doesn't want to hear it. "He's coming for us," delusions Andrew. "He's out there right now devising a brilliant way to get us out of here." Oh yeah, suuuure. And the sun will come out tomorrow, Little Orphan Andrew.
The nice murderer in question has decided to don a sharp suit and jaunt his way into a bar, not a thought in his mind about the location of his erstwhile partners in crime. Warren tells the demon behind the bar that he's "feeling expansive," so he buys a round for the bar. He then sits down, doffs his sunglasses, and starts to make small talk with the vampire to him. The vamp isn't too interested in Warren, as he's busy "watching [his] program," which appears to be a nature show on crocodiles. Warren shuts up for a millisecond, but can't wait to crow loudly about how he's the man who just killed the Slayer. That catches the vampire's interest, and he's ready to hear more. Leading up to his big moment, Warren explains, "I've been heading an organization. The Trio? You've heard about us." "Uh, no," demurs the vamp. Warren brushes it off as not that important and saying he ditched two-thirds of his trio and, now that "Buffy's out of the picture," he's ready to get a real gang. The bartender seems a little skeptical that Warren actually managed to off the Slayer, and asks if he's a warlock. Nope, Warren has "explored all the dark arts," but in the end, found a gun to be most effective in ridding the world of Buffy. "You killed the Slayer with a gun?" snickers the vampire, and then he and the bartender begin to laugh. Warren says that yep, he did. Killed her in her own backyard. He babbles on about the effectiveness of science as the bar patrons laugh more and more. Warren is riding high on the good feelings and cheers, "The town is ours!" "Ours, maybe," agrees the vampire, "You are screwed." The barkeep makes a crack about being a good shot, and Warren finally realizes, "This isn't the evil laugh of victory, is it?" He wants to know what the hell everyone finds so funny, and the vampire tells him that the news just featured a story about a young woman shot in her own backyard. "She survived. She's in the hospital," says the barkeep, and reminds Warren, "Slayers heal fast. Real fast." Warren swallows nervously and looks like he's about to pee his pants. The vampire advises him to run and run fast, because the Slayer will be after him "big-time."
“ Season Seven! Willow freaks out and goes all black magic in Episode 20 when something happens to her girlfriend! It's new! Different! Something you've never seen before! Except, like, the past two years. ”
Willow blasts in through the front door of Der Zauber Kasten. All the light bulbs in the place explode as she strides by. She turns to Goodwife Anya, who's behind the counter sporting the latest in Pilgrim-inspired fashion -- a black top with a wide white Peter Pan collar and cuffs. Willow wants the "black arts books," and Anya says that although she acknowledges "something terrible has happened," she won't let Willow have the books. Willow freezes Anya with a wave of her hand and then uses magic to call all the black arts books down off the mezzanine. Hey, just where we were at the end of last season when Willow went all "I. Owe. You. Pain," after Tara got brain-sucked by Glory. No wonder I was feeling so very deja-vu. Season Seven! Willow freaks out and goes all black magic in Episode 20 when something happens to her girlfriend! It's new! Different! Something you've never seen before! Except, like, the past two years. The books flutter down to the table like a flock of evil birds, and Willow goes to them. A few volumes are open on top of the pile, and she plunges her hands into one of them. The lettering from the pages flows and wraps up her skin, sliding up her arms, under her shirt, and finally up over her face. This is one of the nicest effects in an episode that relies heavily in special effects, most of which fail tragically. As the lettering glides over Willow's eyes, they go black; the lettering then continues to scroll up over her forehead and through her hair, which also turns inky dark. "That's better," husks Willow in a voice much deeper than usual, as Anya looks on, horrified.
Dawn arrives home to find the front door standing wide open. Oh, man, that's never good. I was instantly reminded of the time a few years ago when I was house-sitting for my parents' house and their four indoor-only cats. I got there after work and found the front gate, and then the front door, standing wide open. My first reaction was to try to devise some plausible explanation, which I couldn't, and my second reaction was to panic on behalf of the four soft, spoiled cats, now most likely irretrievably lost and wandering the neighborhood or running out into heavy traffic. My panic overrode any common sense and I raced into the house, right past the empty entertainment center and all the dumped-out drawers. In the kitchen I found the back door also standing wide open, and all four cats patiently sitting to their dinner dishes waiting for a snack. So everything turned out okay and my parents' insurance covered all the items that had been stolen, but I still scan the doors of any house I'm house-sitting as I drive up, desperate to assure myself that all the doors remain closed as I left them. This being the Buffy-verse, of course, things are not going to have a happy ending for Dawn. She heads up the stairs, calling for Buffy, and then peeks into Willow's room. She sees Tara's body lying on the carpet in a pool of blood. Dawn gasps, and the screen fades to white.
“ You know what might have been cool? If we'd seen Amy, still human, running on a huge exercise wheel in a cage in the corner of the room. ”
Rack! Oh, Rack. It's fun to see your creepy self, but your appearance smacks of Mutant Enemy randomly pulling things out of their collective ass. I haven't gone back and checked my tape of Rack's first appearance in "Wrecked," but he looks different this time, like he had his hair relaxed and blown out at the salon. Hey, whatever. Creepy magic-dealer guys gotta look good, too, right? Anyway, Rack asks his waiting room of junkies, "Who's ?" and Warren barges to the front of the line. Rack hasn't seen Warren before, but ushers him inside after Warren blathers about the "dead presidents" he has to offer. God, Warren's lines are tired. Just about as tired as I am after an entire season of this depressing crap. Warren is smug that getting a customer of Rack's to show him the way to Rack's lair for twenty dollars, but Rack bursts his bubble: "Should've haggled. Most of my customers will bring you here for five." Warren doesn't want to make with the economic small-talk, explaining that has a "situation" brought on by him trying to "do us all a favor" by eliminating the Slayer. Two thoughts here: First, how pathetic is Warren, trying to ingratiate himself by claiming he tried to kill Buffy to benefit Sunnydale's evil underground and not just himself? Second -- Warren, honey, you weren't doing Rack a favor, since Buffy's probably known all about him for, like, ten episodes, and has chosen not to do a thing. Rack says that killing the Slayer was a large undertaking for a "kid," and Warren once again tries to talk himself up by saying, "I'm not a kid! I had my own guys. The Trio? You've heard of us." Wheels turn slowly in Rack's head. "Right. What were you? A band or something?" He circles Warren slowly, and then gets up real close to his face. Turns out Warren wants "protection," because he's worried that Buffy is after him. "The Slayer is the least of your problems," says Rack, amused. "If I were you, I'd worry about the witch." Warren's all like, "The hell? Which witch?" "Um, duh? Willow?" explains Rack, and yeah, I'm making dialogue up at this point, but it's been a long, long season and this episode is deathly boring. Rack explains that Willow's very powerful, and as I'm sure you all saw in the endless promos for this episode, he says, "She's gonna blow this town apart." Oh, good. Can I help? Because then maybe there won't be a Season Seven and Marti Noxon would be unemployed. That would be a balm to my tortured sensibilities. Warren is confused as to why Willow would have a beef with him, since Buffy survived. Rack explains that somebody else is "stone cold and that is why the witch wants [Warren's] head." Apparently Willow can sense Warren's "essence" (which seems gross), and she's coming for him. Warren presses a wad of cash into Rack's hand and says that although he "has a few tricks up [his] sleeve," he wants Rack to provide some sort of magical "cover" for him. Rack can't make any guarantees on his services, then smiles that Willow is "running on pure fury." You know what might have been cool? If we'd seen Amy, still human, running on a huge exercise wheel in a cage in the corner of the room. We got random appearances from Rack and Katrina in this episode, so why not Amy?
Willow, Anya, and Xander come upon the scene. Willow unzips Warren's lips to allow him to beg for his life. He does. "Willow!" calls out Buffy from the crest of the hill. Willow's attention is momentarily diverted, but then she looks back at Warren. "Bored now," she pronounces (and I know just what she means) and then waves her hand, ripping all the skin off of his body. Except that she helpfully left his pants on. Probably because she's a lesbian. Except for the pants, this effect was very competently done. Buffy, Xander, and maybe even Anya are suitably appalled. I'm just kinda sleepy. Willow immolates Warren in front of her friends, monotones, "One down," and then disappears herself. Huh. Who knew that such a compelling story line could be turned into this dreck?