After Life

Previously on Buffy, Spike chained Buffy up in "Crush," but she told him he had no chance with her. Buffy jumped into the portal and died. Her friends were sad. Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya schemed to raise Buffy from the grave, in part because of Willow's conviction that Buffy's soul was trapped in Hell. The spell to bring the Slayer back works, but Buffy is addled and scared. "You're alive and you're home," sniffles Dawn. Buffy looks blank.

We start where we left off, at the end of "Bargaining, Part Two." The Scooby gang hurries down an alley in search of Buffy. Willow is convinced the Slayer has gone home, and Xander promises to lead them there quickly. What? They need Xander to guide them home? It's not like Sunnydale is that big, plus they all found their way into the alley in the first place. Now they can't find their way out? Oh, I geddit, it's all a set-up for some "humor." Xander is reassuring the wimmins that he's large and in charge when a Hellion rides by on his hog and startles Xander into shrieking like a little girl. Hoo. Haw. Because of the death of their leader, or to wrap up dangling plot points from the premiere, we get some exposition about the Hellions fleeing Sunnydale. The gang frets about whether they actually saw Buffy, and whether she was brought back "broken." Willow is vehement that Buffy is fine, but is probably "disoriented" from her experiences in Hell. Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, Willow. Nothing to do with feeling her own rotten corpse re-manifest, or having to claw her way out of her grave, or that nasty-ass fashion disaster you guys buried her in. Tara worries that perhaps Buffy is now dangerous.

Buffy and Dawn are on the front walk of the Summers house. Dawn gently tells Buffy that she's home and Buffy just stares, her brow crinkled and her face stupefied.

Inside the house, Buffy blinks when Dawn turns on a light. The Buffster slowly surveys the living room and then frets, "It's different." Dawn, frantic to please, babbles on about Willow and Tara moving in and then about interior decorating changes they've made since Buffy, well, you know, died. I'd usually make fun, but poor Dawn. Wonder what she thinks brought Buffy back. Buffy notices a picture of her mom and then silently walks into the dining room. Dawn follows her, still babbling. Her sister gives her that crinkled-brow look and heads upstairs as Dawn chatters.

A little while later, Dawn and Buffy are in the bathroom. Buffy has changed her clothes andwashed, cut, colored, and deep-conditioned her hair, it looks like. Have to have your priorities, I guess. Dawn wets a washcloth in the sink and gently wipes some dirt off Buffy's neck, crooning to her like a mother to a child. It's really very touching, and I would sniffle if I weren't so curious as to how Buffy managed to do all that to her hair but not clean her neck. Dawn tries to crack a joke, but Buffy doesn't respond; she just stares into the mirror. Dawn suggests that Buffy button up her shirt and then notices Buffy's bloody, damaged hands. In a sad little gesture, Buffy hides her hands at her sides, fingers curled up tight. Dawn promises to bandage her sister's hands and then starts buttoning up her shirt. Buffy suddenly turns and walks away, into what was Joyce's room. She looks around at the changes that Willow and Tara's tenure have brought. Dawn tries to explain why the witches have taken that room, but when her sister wanders off again, she follows her and urgently asks, "Buffy? Do you want to stop? We can sit down and talk." Buffy is still not making eye contact and eventually says, "What else is different?" Dawn struggles to understand if Buffy means in the house or in general, and then tells her that Giles left. Buffy bows her head.

Somewhere in the house a door opens, and then Spike yells out, "Dawn! Dawn, are you there?" Dawn calls back and heads downstairs. Because he's been so worried, Spike rants, "You. I could kill you. I mean it. I could rip your head off one-handed and drink from your brain-stem." First, hello to the inappropriate imagery. Second, is there really that much blood in the brain-stem? Would it spurt like a fountain or something? I really think the tried-and-true carotid artery is your best bet. Then they do that TV-show-clich conversation that always drives me nuts where one person is trying to tell another person something important but can't get a word in edgewise. See, I don't find that convincing. I always manage to get a word in edgewise, frontwise, or otherwise. Dawn gestures at Buffy descending the stairs; at first Spike thinks it's the Buffybot. Realization that Buffy has come back slowly creeps over his face; he looks shocked, then seems to melt. Buffy ducks her head shyly and finishes buttoning up her shirt. Spike wants to know what Dawn did to bring Buffy back (no doubt thinking of "Forever"). Dawn insists she had nothing to do with this. Spike notices Buffy's hands (she quickly hides them) and gravely tells Dawn that Buffy "clawed her way out of her coffin." Then he finally addresses Buffy: "I've done it myself." He gazes at her and then shakes himself, instructing Dawn to get some disinfectant and bandages. He gingerly starts to guide Buffy to the sofa with his hand, but then jerks it away.

Sitting in the living room, Spike holds Buffy's hands gently. She asks how long she was gone and he promptly replies, "One hundred and forty seven days yesterday." Buffy says it seemed longer where she was. As Dawn brings the bandages into the room, Tara, Willow, Anya, and Xander rush into the house. They surround Buffy and begin asking questions. Spike grimaces and walks directly to the front door, closing it firmly behind him. Inside, Dawn asks how the gang knew Buffy was back, but they ignore her and continue to pepper the Slayer with questions. Dawn demands they back off and realizes that Willow is the one responsible for her sister's return. Buffy assures everyone she's okay, but doesn't want to talk about her experience; Xander offers to bring food, but Buffy seems overwhelmed and says she just wants to go to bed. Willow agrees but adds, "But, Buffy, be happy. We got you out." Buffy deflects any more questions and asks Dawn if her room is till the same. Uh, I assumed she'd already been in there since she changed clothes and all. I supposed she could be wearing Dawn's clothes, but I can't see why. Or maybe Dawn brought stuff to the bathroom and...I'm overthinking again, right? Buffy heads upstairs.

Later, Anya and Xander leave the Summers' home. Anya insists that Buffy is not normal and that Willow is wrong. They hear a noise, and we see Spike lurking behind his tree. He quickly wipes the tears from his face. Say along with me in a wry Giles way, "A vampire in love with the Slayer. That's rather poetic." Xander comes on all macho: "I hope you're not going to start your little obsession now that she's around again." Spike grabs Xander and, possibly wincing in pain, slams him up against the tree. He's seemingly angry that the gang didn't tell him about their plans to reincarnate Buffy. Xander doesn't have much of an explanation. Spike is visibly upset as he insists that Willow knew Buffy might come back "wrong" and have to be destroyed, and as Spike would most likely have opposed that, Willow shut him out. Xander expresses disbelief that Willow would act that way. He demands that Spike look him in the eye and tell him seeing Buffy alive wasn't "the happiest moment of [his] entire existence." Spike looks Xander in the eyes, but then stomps off to his motorcycle, saying that magic always has consequences. Huh. "Consequences." That would be a really good title for this episode, except for the fact that, well, they already used it. So do you think the spell will have consequences? Because I'm really not getting what might happen .

Upstairs, Buffy stands in her dark room and stares at herself in the mirror.

Down the hall, Willow and Tara get ready for bed; Willow says she called Giles and he'll be heading back as soon as he can. I feel cheated. I would really have liked to see that conversation and Giles's reaction to the news. I can't just suddenly start pretending that Giles isn't important. That his love for Buffy isn't important. But I feel like Mutant Enemy already wants me to just forget about the guy. Willow assures Tara that everything is fine, she's not worried, but Tara urges her to share her real feelings. Closing the door, Willow muses about how intense the experience must have been for Buffy, and how Angel came back "wild" after his tenure in hell. The witchlets lie in bed, and Tara hugs Willow to help stop the "noise" in her head. Stroking Tara's arm, Willow finally gets to the heart of her feelings -- she's all, "I wanted her to be happy and grateful and say she loves me the best." Not really, but close enough. Tara: "You thought she'd...be more grateful." Willow: "Would I be a terrible person if I said yes?" Tara: Doesn't answer. Seriously, she changes the subject. I'm with you, Tara. Willow is acting pretty horribly.

We hear Tara's voice as we see Buffy sitting on the edge of her bed. I'm not sure if that's supposed to mean that Buffy could overhear their whole conversation. She picks up a framed picture of her, Willow, and Xander and then sets it down again. Then she looks at her mirror, which is decorated with happy pictures of her and the gang. As she stares, the little faces in the pictures suddenly become death's heads, skulls every one. Creepy! But hey, it could be a spin-off for Halloween: Ghoul Buffy and her L'il Friends. Anyway, Buffy blinks and the pictures go back to normal.

After sitting through a number of ads for From Hell starring Johnny Depp and Heather Graham as British people, I vow to never complain about Spike's accent again. Oh wait, I never did complain that much. Well, anybody who has complained about Spike's accent should see this ad and get some perspective. There's worse stuff out there.

Smash! Something glass breaks right over the sleeping Willow and Tara. They wake and spot Buffy at the end of the bed. She makes with the crazy talk, which includes calling the witches "filthy little bitches rattling the bones," but also includes some references to Willow's fawnicide. Rant, rant, and she throws another glass knick-knack. Willow flips on the light, but Buffy's gone and there's no broken glass in their bed. The witches peek into Buffy's room; she's asleep in bed. Back in their room, Tara suggests that they dreamt the incident but Willow reminds her, "Different brains." Yeah and maybe, just maybe, and please understand I'm not promising anything here, but perhaps if you put both of them together you'd have one fully functioning brain. Suddenly, the pictures on the wall rattle, and we catch a glimpse of something crawling under the surface, bubbling it up. Boy, the special-effects guys sure are getting the most out of that "Crawly Effect From The Mummy" software package they got this summer. Fret, fret. Willow goes to call Xander.

At Xander's, Anya and Xander are in bed. Xander is sleeping, but Anya can't. Maybe because she's wearing full daytime make-up and finds that uncomfortable? Just a thought. Anyway, she talks to Xander and bugs him to wake up, but he doesn't until the phone rings. As he reaches for the phone, Anya climbs out of bed. Willow explains that something attacked them, and Xander suggests they get out of the house. In the background, Anya walks back into the room. Suddenly we see the scariest damn thing I have seen in a long time. It's a close-up of Anya. She giggles maniacally and slashes her face open with a knife, Her eyes are blank white orbs. So, so disturbing. Man, that really embiggens the wiggens, ya know? Anya cackles and cackles and cuts and then slumps to the ground when Xander snatches the knife away. We see that now her face is uncut. The bubble from the Summers' house glides along under the carpet and then out of the room. Is there more than one? How could it be at Buffy's and then suddenly at Xander's?

day. Xander, Anya, Willow, and Tara are sitting in the sun in the Summers' back yard. Xander exclaims, "Very bad. Very, very, very bad. Bad!" Man, I totally agree! It's not just bad, it's awful. How could you let Anya out of the house wearing a floral blouse and pinstriped pants? Oh, he was talking about the other horror. The one that visited in the night. Anya suggests that the entity is a "hitchhiker" that caught a ride on Buffy's soul as it was released from Hell. She frankly concludes that it was a bad idea to bring Buffy back. They discuss whether they can kill the entity, and then Buffy arrives on the scene. She looks wan, but much better in a tasteful black blouse and jeans. Tara asks if she feels okay, but Buffy ignores the question. Anya informs her that she brought a demon back from Hell with her, but Willow assures Buffy she needn't worry. Slowly, with difficulty, Buffy explains how the photographs the night before changed to look like "dead bodies." La la. The Scoobies are so happy to have Buffy back. She just says, "We should get to work."

Der Zauber Kasten. The gang plus Dawn are doing research on demons that can ride between dimensions. They have a short list of suspects, but aren't sure where to begin. Willow is trying to make a plan when Buffy glooms, "I miss Giles." You and me both, honey. Wouldn't it be nice to have an actual adult, who has rather a selfless love for you, to talk to right now? I have many stages of grief to go through before I recover from my loss of Giles. Actually, I'm really starting to resent that Buffy has been purged of all of the adults. Watching the syndicated first-season episodes really drives home how many more adults used to be on the show. Parents, teachers, principals, Giles, Joyce. It gave the show an air of reality, as there are very few teenagers and twenty-year-olds who operate in an adult-free vacuum. Also, Mutant Enemy should realize that their long-term fans, the ones with the show since the beginning, are now six years older than they were when the show started. I realize they want to add youngsters to their audience, but what about the people who have grown up with the show? ["What about the thirty-three-year-old recappers who just can't accept Spike as the only grown-up?" -- Ace] Willow tells Buffy that Giles is coming back, but Buffy just stands up and says she's going to patrol. She doesn't want anyone to come with her. As she walks out, Dawn calls after her, "You should go. I'll be safe here with the others. Don't worry about me." And I'm all "awwww" and sad for Dawn because Buffy doesn't seem very interested in her, until we get a close-up of Dawn's face. She has the scary fried-egg eyes of demon possession and gives a creepy smile.

Buffy walks through the graveyard past an angel statue, pausing momentarily so that it appears she has wings. Nice touch.

Der Zauber Kasten. Anya comes in bearing coffee from somewhere that used to be a bookstore, added a coffee bar, and is now just a coffee place. She pronounces it "like evolution, only without the getting-better part." Heh. She doles out the coffee, and the hot chocolate for Dawn who is "too young for coffee." Dawn, standing in the corner, turns towards Anya with her demony eyes and hisses, "Idiot!" Anya quickly backpedals that Dawn can have her coffee. Heh. Dawn gets to do her l'il possessed bit and then she, and I can't even type this without cracking up, spits fire. Like, lay off the onions okay? And I know that I'm overthinking this time, but how does being possessed by a demon suddenly give you the ability to do things that are anatomically impossible? Some people on the forums have speculated that it's a sign of Dawn's residual Key-ness, but I'm thinking it's more a sign of sloppy writing. Anyway, the books that the Scoobies were perusing catch on fire. Xander deals with the combustion while Tara and Willow deal with an unconscious Dawn. Dawn comes to, disoriented, and the Scoobies wonder where the demon is headed .

Cut to Spike pacing in his crypt. He plays a bit of bloody knuckles with the wall. The wall wins. Spike's really fixed up the place; it looks like he's got a wet bar down there, and a red dentist's chair. Aw, he's nesting. How annoying. Spike hears a noise from upstairs and, grabbing a machete, he goes to check it out. Upstairs, he finds Buffy, staring off into the distance. He warns her to be careful, and teases those of us who wish there could be ONE regular vampire character on the show that could resist the siren song of Slayer booty and STAY EVIL by saying, "You never know what kind of villain's got a knife at your back." Buffy notices that Spike's hand is injured. "Hmm," he muses, "Same to you." Buffy seems to be discomfited by this reminder and hides her hands behind her back. Spike tries to make some small talk, inviting Buffy to take a seat. He sits across from her and gets down to business. He haltingly tells her that he hasn't forgotten his promise to protect Dawn and then says, "If I'd've done that. Even if I didn't make it. You wouldn't have had to jump." He goes on to reveal that he did save Buffy: "Not when it counted of course, but after that. Every night after thatevery night I save you." Buffy's response is drowned out by retching sounds. From me.

Der Zauber Kasten. The seeds of doubt that Spike planted in Xander's head have germinated, and he asks Tara if she knew of any possible consequences of the resurrection spell. He pussyfoots around the issue when he wonders if there were any way that anyone could have known. Tara immediately and vehemently defends Willow, saying that she's a gifted witch who wouldn't "do anything to hurt anyone." Dude. Remove the love goggles and tell it to Bambi's cold and rotting corpse. Xander verbally retreats from Tara's outburst, but they're interrupted by Willow's research breakthrough. Tara and Xander join her at the counter as she quickly explains to everyone that the resurrection spell didn't release a demon but, in fact, created one. Oh, good job. Giles isn't even gone for twelve hours and you guys have gone from fighting demons to setting up your own Demon Fun Factory. Willow clarifies that the demon is the "price" of getting Buffy back. Dawn doesn't understand, so Willow says that they asked for the "gift" of Buffy back, but the universe made them take the demon too. Anya utters my favorite line of the episode: "Well, technically that's not a price. That's a gift with purchase." Ha! I think I would have been more entertained if the demon had turned out to be a host of tiny little sample-size demons in a garish plastic purse. Xander wants to know how they can dispose of the demon, since it seems to be stuck here without a body, but Willow warns that if they send it away, it would be as if they had never done the spell in the first place. At this news, Dawn becomes agitated. "If you think you can give her back to me, and then take her away again? You can't mess with people's lives this way." Word. Willow reassures Dawn that they're not going to send Buffy back. Dawn turns on the other Scoobs, demanding, "How can you let her do this?" Tara and Xander both assure Dawn that they'll find a solution. Willow's attention is drawn back to her book, and she grins happily because she discovered that the demon is only temporary. In fact, the only way that it can get its green card is if it kills Buffy. Immediately, Xander's eyes go white and he growls, "Thanks for the tip." Stupid demon. If he had kept his borrowed trap shut, the Scoobs would never have figured out his plan in time.

Buffy comes home after, presumably, either patrolling or spending the night with Spike and y'know? I can't fight this anymore. It's obvious where the writers are going. I don't agree with it AT ALL but I can't pretend that it's not happening. Fine. I give up. If Buffy wants to come back from heaven and sleep with an unrepentant murderer, fine. So be it. Buffy ascends the stairs, a mist following behind her. So first it's a bubble and now it's all demons in the mist? I don't get it, again.

Commercials. Eight thousandth airing of a Roswell promo. I'm not watching that damn show, UPN, and you CAN'T MAKE ME. No matter how many times you show the ad.

Buffy walks into her room. "You don't belong here," the demon growls at her. She tries to throw a punch at it, but as the demon isn't solid, it doesn't get her anywhere. That, however, doesn't stop the demon from being able to push Buffy around. Which makes no sense. The force knocks Buffy into the wall of the hallway. She walks back into the room, but none of her punches or grabs connect with the demon, who mocks her some more. Damn, this demon is lame. Go away, you stupid anthropomorphized anti-smoking PSA! Or maybe it was made out of the essences of all the smokers killed on this show over the years? In any case, it's a very stupid demon. How much cooler and more frightening would it have been to have the demon possess Buffy and then make her draw a nice relaxing bath and drop a running hair dryer into it? They could even have gotten some funny quippage off of those ridiculous "do not use this product while sleeping" warning tags. Anyway, instead of doing anything cool or scary, the demon swirls behind Buffy and gives her a big hug. Which seems to hurt her, despite the fact that the pressure exerted by mist on the human body is negligible.

Stupid filler scene of Xander, Anya, and Dawn in the car, only to establish that they are on the way to Buffy's.

Der Zauber Kasten. Willow and Tara are seated, holding hands over a whole bunch of candles. They chant. I'm all for chanting on the show, as I don't feel compelled to recap it. Their spell is to make the beastie more solid so that Buffy can do that fighty thing she does so well.

Buffy breaks free from the demon. He smacks her onto the bed so hard that she rolls off of it. No, I can't explain how.

Willow and Tara chant some more.

Buffy grabs an axe from under her bed and ineffectually bats at the demon. Boy, she just doesn't give up, does she? At this point I would have reached for the vacuum cleaner. Xander, Anya, and Dawn stumble into the room. Buffy immediately orders them to take Dawn away before she gets a soothing steam facial.

Willow. Tara. Chanting. Well, Tara is chanting. Willow has gotten impatient. Her eyes are closed, and she begins to glow. Tara trails off as Willow's head snaps back and her jet-black eyes look towards the ceiling. "Solid," she commands.

In Buffy's room, the demon takes form. Buffy briefly struggles with it before neatly chopping off its head, which rolls under the bed. "That's probably the sort of thing I'm not supposed to see, right?" asides Dawn to Xander and Anya as they all cringe in the doorway.

Morning. Dawn trundles down the front steps. She gets about halfway down the front walk before Buffy calls after her. Buffy is wearing bits and pieces of various beige fashion disasters all sewn together to make the biggest, beigest, baggiest, fashion-disastrous fashion disaster in the history of disastrous fashion. Buffy hands Dawn her lunch, and Dawn is absolutely touched. Buffy warns Dawn that she better get to school because "those of us who fail history are doomed to repeat it in summer school." Dawn tenderly hugs her big sis and searchingly asks Buffy if she's okay. "I'm going to start charging money to every person that asks me that," chides Buffy gently. Dawn explains that it's just because everyone cares about her so much. "But it'll be better now. Now that they can see you being happy." Buffy just blinks until Dawn goes on her way.

Der Zauber Kasten. Willow and Tara are shelving books and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! What is Willow wearing? It'sit'sredandfuzzyandwrong. She looks like a refugee from Fraggle Rock. Buffy comes in. The gang makes nervous small talk. Buffy starts to say her piece. "You brought me back. I was in" and a small flick downward of her eyes belies her words. "I was in hellyou guys gave me the world. I can't tell you what it means to me." Willow and the flayed pelt of Elmo nervously rush over to Buffy to hug her. They're quickly joined by Xander, who wraps his arms around them both. The Scoobies don't notice, but Buffy squeezes her eyes shut as if to blink back tears.

Buffy steps outside the side door of Der Zauber Kasten into a very bright and sunny alley. In the shadow of the building, Spike sits on a crate. He mentions the moment that the gang just shared, which I guess he heard with his super-duper vampire hearing, since he's sitting a good twenty feet away from the door. Buffy takes a seat to him, explaining that she just wanted some time alone. He gets up to shove off, but is stopped by the sun. Which makes no sense, because he must have had some way to get there in the first place. I know that, of all the issues surrounding Spike, this particular one probably shouldn't bother me so much, but it does. Vampires are creatures of the night. Not creatures of the gloomy day, or creatures of the indirect sunlight. It just makes them all the less potent, all the less tragic. Honestly, what's the difference between me and Spike right now? I eat things my friends are repulsed by and have to avoid prolonged exposure to sunlight because, I too, burn very easily. Whatever. Buffy tells him that he can stay, because she is able to "be alone with [Spike] here." Spike returns to sit to her and tells her that he'll be there for her if she needs him to be. Despite the fact that he hasn't "been to a hell dimension as of late," he does "know a thing or two about torment." Sigh. There was a time when, if Spike had said that line, we would have automatically assumed that he meant he knew a bit about causing torment. But now Schmoopy Shpikey-kins means only that he's just been so gosh-darned torn up by the death of Buffy. This is the impetus for Buffy to drop the bombshell that she was happy and at peace after she died. She tells him that she's not sure if she was in heaven or what, but she was warm and safe and knew that all of her peeps were fine. But most importantly, she was "finished. Complete." But now, thanks to her "friends," she's not there anymore. "Everything here is hard. And bright. And violentthis is hell." Well, at least it explains the clothes. Buffy glances at Spike and realizes that she might have said too much. She quickly rises to leave, but stops a few steps later and without turning around says, "They can never know. Never," before walking resolutely down the alley.