Previously on Buffy: Over various scenes from past seasons of our favorite platinum blond vampire, Giles narrates that Spike, also known as William the Bloody, has killed two slayers in the past century. Clip of Buffy and Spike fighting from some second-season episode I've not seen. Spike gets chipped and now can't harm anyone. Spike dreams of kissing Buffy and confessing his love; he wakes up horrified. Is that scene going to be in every previouslys for the rest of the season? It's titillating and all, but I'm getting sick of it. Buffy needs to know more about slayerness in order to become stronger.
A few quick notes from your recapper: First, you might find this recap is not as snarky as some. While you're reading, every time you expect a sarcastic comment but don't find one, just imagine me sitting in front of the TV salivating and sighing. I've found that excess eye candy really interferes with my capacity for snideness. Second, I've included a few more excerpts from the post-Buffy phone conversation Sep and I always have. Thanks to Sep for having a better memory than I do for quips.
The episode begins, as so many episodes of Buffy do, in a graveyard. Buffy is fighting and tossing quips at an eighties reject vampire. His shirt says The Clash, his jacket says Anarchy, but his hair and leather pants scream Ratt. But it's only a minute into the episode and way too early to start harshing on the Fashion Nazi. Buffy and the Ratt-y vampire continue to fight, and Buffy executes a rather nice somersault over a headstone. Something goes awry, however, and the vampire is able to twist Buffy's arm and plunge the stake she's holding into her stomach. Buffy doubles over, gasping in pain.
Sep: "I hope Buffy can claim workman's comp for that."
Ace: "She must have really good insurance. I can't imagine the Watcher's Council or the PTB unnecessarily sacrificing Slayers to a soulless HMO."
Sep: "Yeah! I wonder what health plan she has. I'd like to sign up. I bet they'd pay for my stupid four-hundred-dollar orthopedic inserts."
Ace: "Uh, I imagine that one would have to be in Buffy's line of work to be eligible for her coverage."
Sep: "Our jobs are not that different! I'm a Slayer too! I, uh, I...slay...the demons of, um...inefficiency! And, er, well, productivity, actually."
Vertical Limit? I predict the fact that all the actors in this film are bundled up like the Michelin Man, with no prospect for nudity, will limit the American public's interest in this movie.
Buffy stares at the stake and then at the vampire, who's still standing right to her but, in the time-honored tradition of not-too-bright villains, has failed to maximize on his lucky opportunity. Buffy punches him hard in the face and then pulls the stake out, which isn't the usual recommended field triage, but okay, I guess, if you have to run from a stinky undead creature of the night. Buffy hobbles away across the cemetery, but the vamp has gotten ahead of her. Asking her, "You going? You were having so much fun a minute ago," he slams her up against a mausoleum and prepares to stake her again. Enter Riley, stage left. He slams the vamp to the ground and tasers him, but finally lets him escape in favor of checking on the bleeding and wobbly Buffy. The fight scene reveals that Riley wears Levi's, which I must say is a point in his favor. I know Levi's aren't popular with the kids today, but I'm old-fashioned. Riley holds Buffy as she collapses into his arms.
Buffy's room at the Summers home. Bloody cotton balls and various wound-dressing paraphernalia. Buffy, with a freakishly ugly, beige, shirred sleeveless (one adjective is never enough to describe the clothes on Buffy) top flipped up over her boobs, is getting her stomach taped by Riley as they discuss the seriousness of her wound. Buffy declines to go to a hospital because she feels her mother doesn't need the added stress, and assures Riley that her wound will heal quickly due to her Slayer powers. She also strokes his hair and compliments him on being able to dress her wound, but Riley doesn't seem too flattered as he begins to clean up the medical supplies, and inquires whether the vamp that just got the better of Buffy was a "super vampire." Buffy is chagrined to have to explain that the vampire was nothing special, and she's confused as to what happened. At this moment, Dawn bursts in and sees Riley rooting around under Buffy's shirt; she says she's sorry to "interrupt the sexcapades" but she wanted to let Buffy know that Joyce is coming. Joyce arrives, claiming she's "fine," but she looks quite wan as she talks to Buffy about preparing a list of groceries. As they talk, Riley carefully hides some of the medical supplies. Dawn covers for the bottle of alcohol by claiming she was using it for a "nail polish" experiment, and after Joyce leaves, she crows at having "pulled a Slayer-related cover-up." Buffy reluctantly praises her, but then relents and shows Dawn her bandaged wound. She extorts a promise from Dawn that she'll help with the chores, and Riley offers to take Buffy's patrol. Buffy is none too happy about this and makes Riley promise he'll take the Scoobies along. Dawn chippers, "When do I get to patrol?" to which Buffy replies, "Not until you're never." Dawn pouts.
Graveyard at night. Where else, really? Riley, who sadly has changed out of his Levi's and into some overly baggy cargo pants, steals amongst the headstones. He pauses to pump his arm in the air twice and then continues on. Behind him, Willow, Xander, and Anya stand curiously, loudly munching chips. Each of their outfits is a fright, but we cannot fully blame the Fashion Nazi, because I read the shooting script, and the stage directions called for them to be dressed in "incredibly loud clothing" and actually goes into detail. Xander wants to know what Riley's hand gesture means, and Willow, looking a lot like Dumb Donald in a fuchsia hat pulled low over her eyes and fuchsia turtleneck sweater engulfing her chin, says, "I think it's code. It breaks down to 'Choo choo!'" The Scoobs are still confused, so Xander, mouth full of chips, shouts out to Riley and startles him. Riley snarks at them, Xander and Willow bicker, and Riley wants them to split up to "cover more ground." They all apologize and promise to "be sneakier," so Riley lets them stay, as long as they ditch the chips. Xander hands Willow the bag of chips, and she grabs a giant handful and puts the bag on the ground. As Riley sneaks off, Xander admires his stealthy "jungle cat" ways, whining, "How come I'm not like that? It's just so cool." "I think you're cool," Willow assures him through a mouthful of chips.
At the Magic Box, Giles and Buffy peruse a huge pile of musty tomes. Buffy grouses that the accounts of the other Slayers' lives aren't very helpful: "Slayer called, blah blah. Great protector, blah blah. Scary battles, blah blah. Oops! She's dead." Giles helpfully mentions that he has an account of a Slayer who "forged her own weapons," to which Buffy replies, "Gotta love a girl with an anvil!" Shout-out to MBTV, loving home of many an anvil? You decide. Buffy wants to know what made each Slayer lose her final battle, so that she can ensure her inevitable end is a long time from now, "like a Cheeto." I think "Twinkie" would have worked much better there, because everyone knows the truism about Twinkies having a fifty-year shelf life, but since Cheetos are one of my very favorite snack foods, I'll accept that reference as the second shout-out in this scene. I love the tiny little rock-hard Cheetos you find in the bottom of the bag; they're kinda like Cheetos that got sucked through a black hole or something. Or at least I used to until my month of dental hell in September, which rendered me unable to chew anything firmer than boiled oatmeal. But enough about me. Giles tries to explain that it's difficult to get details of the final battle because the Slayer is rather, um, "dead" and "hence not very forthcoming." He seems distressed to even have to contemplate that eventuality. Buffy wants to know why the Watchers' journals all just stop instead of describing the final battle, and Giles muses, "If they're anything like me, they just find the whole subject too --" "Unseemly?" interrupts Buffy, and calls the Watchers a bunch of prigs. Sounds like "pricks," I know, and I was shocked for a moment, but I'm pretty sure she actually said "prigs." Giles corrects her, saying he was going to say "painful." He and Buffy share a sad moment. Giles expresses regret that no one is left to "tell the tales" of the Slayers' final days, and Buffy looks at him, realization on her face.
Cut to Buffy slamming Spike up against a column in his lair. He teases that her beating isn't as painful as usual and demands to know why she's there. "Slayers. You killed two of them. You're gonna show me how."
At the Bronze, Spike drains his beer and makes chitchat. Buffy snaps that they're not there "to discuss the choice of hops," and, ignoring Spike's sulky face, reminds him that he's there to tell her how he killed two Slayers, one in China and one in New York. She flashes a wad of bills at him and says he'll get it after he "tells the tale." Spike, all cranked off by Buffy's attitude, growls, "Right then. We fought. I won. Pay up!" Buffy protests, but Spike tells her that his winning those fights wasn't "about the moves." He continues, "We're going to do this my way. Wings." Buffy is as confused as the viewing audience, and Spike, trying to assert his dominance in the situation, tells her, "Spicy buffalo wings. Order me up a plate. I'm feeling peckish." Buffy rolls her eyes and turns to flag down a waitress, but grimaces in pain and grabs her stomach. Spike needles her about getting injured, Buffy tells him to get on with the narration, and he insists he's not saying anything on an empty stomach. Buffy grouses, "Were you born this big a pain in the ass?" and in reply, Spike leers, "What can I tell you, baby? I've always been baaaad."
Cut to a prissy-voiced young man, working on poetry in a corner. He's dressed nineteenth century-style, with floppy blonde curls and smallish glasses. Good lord! After a moment I realize that this is Spike, pre-vamping. I giggle, shocked at how different he looks and also at the obvious fact that he hasn't always "been bad." William fusses at a confused butler about finding another word for "gleaming" and chews the end of his pen. I don't know why, perhaps it's the floppy hair and something around the lips, but James Marsters really resembles David Duchovny in this get-up. Just my opinion. William looks across the room, which is crowded with people; he's all the wallflower sitting in a corner at a lively party. He sees a woman comes down the stairs and breathes, "Cecily," before returning to his poetry. "London, 1880" flashes across the bottom of the screen. William rises from his chair and hovers around the outside of a conversation some swells are having about a "rash of disappearances" in London. William primly replies that he doesn't like to think about such dark things. Flashing a glance at Cecily, he continues that he prefers to put his energies into "creating things of beauty." One of the mustachioed toffs grabs the poem from William's hand, and, over his ineffectual protests, reads out loud: "My heart expands/'Tis grown a bulge in't/Inspired by/Your beauty effulgent." The group titters, and William dons a shit-eating grin until he sees Cecily look embarrassed and leave the room. William grabs his poem back and follows her, but not before hearing someone comment that they call him William the Bloody because "of his bloody awful poetry." "I'd rather have a railroad spike through my head than listen to that awful stuff!" exclaims another.
William finds Cecily sitting in another room. She tells him to leave her, but he sits instead, saying the others "are not like you and I." Cecily looks offended and asks him, demanding an answer, if the poetry he writes is about her. William tries to evade the question, but finally hopefully answers, "Every syllable." Cecily exclaims in surprise, and William tells her he loves her. She demands that he stop, but he continues on, fussing with the poem in his hands, "I know I'm a bad poet, but I'm a good man." Aww. Poor sincere guy. He is so going to get shot down. William's teeth are too good to be nineteenth century British. Ha ha -- sorry, cheap shot. Cecily firmly tells him, "You're nothing to me William. You're beneath me." She stands, and there's a very strange shot with her satin-clad stomach taking up most of the foreground. William, left sitting alone on the settle, sniffs and looks devastated.
William rushes through the dark streets of London, sobbing and tearing his poem into little tiny pieces. He bumps into three people whose backs are to the camera, but from the male figure's extremely bad hair and giant hunched shoulders, I know the trio consists of Dru, Angel, and Darla. William sobs that they should look where they're going and continues snittily on. He sits on a hay bale in a dark alley, still ripping at his poem, tears streaking his face. He hears a noise and sees Drusilla in the alley with him. Looking pretty nifty in her period gear and cascade of curls, Drusilla inquires what "catastrophe" brought "this dashing stranger to tears." William sulks that he wants to be alone, but Drusilla advances, saying she seems him as a man surrounded by "fools" who cannot see his strengths. William looks intrigued. Executing a strange jerky belly-rubbing move, Dru continues, "That and burning baby fishes swimming all round your head!" Hee, baby fishes. I like this flashback Dru. William doesn't, however, and backs away, saying she won't get a chance to steal his purse. Dru giggles at that and approaches him, pointing to his heart. "Your wealth lies here," she says, and then strokes his head, "and here. In the spirit, and --" and then I swear to god she backs off a little and stares right at his crotch, a hungry look on her face, finally finishing, "imagination." I always like a guy with a big...imagination too, Dru, so we have that in common. Dru gives him some more crazy flattering talk, which entrances William. He tries to break the spell by muttering, "Mother's expecting me," but Dru just pulls back his shirt collar and loons, "I see what you want. Something glowing and glistening. Something -- effulgent." William smiles slightly, and when Dru asks if he wants it, he replies, "Oh yes. God, yes." She switches into her game face and bites into his neck. William looks blissful, feels the fangs and wimps, "Ow! Ow ow ow!" but then seems to move into a kind of ecstasy as they slide down the wall together.
Graveyard. Scoobs and Riley still on patrol. Riley spots the Poison-ous vampire who staked Buffy, and they follow him until he enters a crypt. Riley stealthes up and peeks in a window (I don't have a lot of experience with above-the-ground burial places -- do they usually have windows? ["Often, they do, so that the caretakers can see what they're doing during the day." -- Sars]). Inside, he sees a motley crüe of vampires havin' a little party. Riley returns to the Scoobies and says they'll come back at daybreak (I can't use the word "dawn" anymore without worrying someone will take it the wrong way) to wipe out the nest. Does anyone care about this when we could be watching Spike? Didn't think so.
The Bronze. Spike is playing pool. Buffy snarks, "So you traded up on the food chain. Then what?" I really wish this script gave us more clues as whether what we're seeing is exactly what Spike is telling Buffy, because I have a very hard time believing he told her, "I was a po-faced little git who wept a lot and then ran home to Mummy." Well, I do. And it never really becomes clear in the rest of the episode. Spike is offended by this characterization, and explains that becoming a vampire was an incredible, powerful experience. In fact, "getting killed" made him "feel alive for the very first time." He claims he gave up living by the rules of society and made a few rules of his own. In order to do that, he had to get himself a gang.
Change to a shot of a glowering Angelus with Dru and Darla behind him. We see he has Spike tightly by the neck as he menacingly inquires, "Remind me, William. Why don't we kill you?" So we see that Spike didn't really get himself a gang; instead, he was just grafted onto Angelus's family, and Angelus was obviously top dog. Which reinforces my suspicion that Buffy isn't really hearing all that we're seeing. Anyway, back at the gloomy place, entitled "Yorkshire, 1880," Spike insists that his name is now Spike, and Angelus wonders when Spike started talking in a working-class accent. Darla expositions that the family barely escaped London because of Spike, who apparently has been on a mad killing spree, most likely torturing his victims with railroad spikes and all. Angelus bitches that he and "his women" are now hiding in a mine shaft due to Spike, and that "this is not a reputation we need." Spike quite rightly reminds Angelus that they're vampires, and loudly protests the notion that they need to work with any finesse. Dru stares at Spike and smiles indulgently. When Angelus approaches Spike, menacing that they've become the hunted, Darla smirks (as Strega noted, you can pretty much expect that any Darla line is delivered with a smirk) and sing-songs that the "boys" are going to fight. Clapping excitedly, Dru responds, "The King of Cups expects a picnic! [worried] But this is not his birthday." To Dru's nonsense, Darla patiently replies, "Good point," with a very expressive eye-roll. Angelus and Spike have a conversation in which it is revealed that Spike loves a nasty brawl, while Angelus favors an artistic, planned kill. Good lord, when did Angelus become such a pent-up bore? Or maybe I should say, why was he so much more fun and sassy in second-season Buffy when he was obviously such a kill-joy in the 1880s? Spike calls Angelus a poofter, and they begin to fight; Angelus quickly gets the upper hand. He pins Spike down with a length of pipe at his neck, but Spike just laughs and revels in the fact that he made Angelus lose control. Angelus stalks away, saying that perhaps an enraged mob will teach Spike the lesson he needs. "That or the Slayer." Spike sits up, suddenly intrigued, and asks, "What's a Slayer?"
The Bronze, 2000. Buffy leans on the pool table as Spike explains how he became obsessed with the Slayer. Most vampires were scared of the Chosen One, but he sought her out in his quest for death and glory. Buffy, all business, just wants to know how he killed the first Slayer. Spike ambles behind her and, saying, "Funny you should ask," quickly grabs her by the neck and the arm that's holding a pool cue. Buffy is incapacitated as Spike tells her, "A Slayer must always reach for her weapon." He morphs into game face and continues, "I've already got mine." I'll leave any search for double entendres therein up to our more nasty-minded readers. It's Ace -- Miss Hansen if you're nasty. Spike shakes his vampire face off like a soggy dog and smiles. He takes his hand off her neck and steps away with the pool cue, explaining that vampires have nothing to fear, except "one girl." "That's you, honey," he helpfully finishes. Yeah, five years into the show and we're clear on that concept, Spike-baby. "Back then, it was her."
A room lit only by a red glow. A Chinese slayer in a black silk outfit fights Spike in some sort of temple. She's light and graceful on her feet, fighting with a long sword. We see her execute a series of rapid moves and then she slashes Spike across his eyebrow, leaving the scar he still bears today. Out in the streets, fires burn and terrified peasants run in every direction. The caption reads, "China, 1900," and then "Boxer Rebellion." Spike and the Slayer fight. He manages to get her sword point jammed into a statue, so she comes after him with only her fists and feet. She almost has him, her skinny ornate stake poised above his heart, when there's an explosion right outside the window and she's thrown to the ground. She recovers, but Spike manages to wrench her arm and make her drop the stake. As she scrabbles after it, he grabs her and twists her into an embrace. He plunges his fangs into her neck and feeds. He raises her head, mouth streaming with blood, and the Slayer turns to him and quietly says something in Chinese, which the subtitles translate to "Tell my mother -- I'm sorry." Pause. "I'm sorry, love. I don't speak Chinese," snarls Spike and throws her corpse to the ground.
Still in the temple, Boxer rebellion. Fires rage outside in the streets. Drusilla, wearing white gown, wafts into the temple, moaning about the "mess" Spike has made. She calls him naughty and wicked and then reaches her hand out to him. He comes towards her with predatory confidence and suddenly grabs her into a tight embrace. Dru gasps in pleasure. I'm getting embarrassed just recapping this naughtiness. Spike asks if Dru ever heard that the blood of a Slayer is a powerful aphrodisiac and then holds his bloody finger up to her mouth, telling her to have a taste. Dru -- well, Dru fellates his finger and moans. Sheesh. I'm blushing here. It's a good thing I didn't take that job with www.reallybigsmut.com. Five minutes of an episode of The Red Shoe Diaries and I would have blushed myself into an early grave. Spike lifts Dru and slams her against the wall. They kiss passionately, wildly, and sink to the floor. Later, as the rebellion rages on, Dru and Spike wander the streets, blissfully unaware and all post-coital. They run into Darla and Angelus, and Dru brags that Spike just killed a Slayer. Spike sticks his tongue out in a leering fashion. Angelus, looking like he has bad lower-intestinal pain, grumbles, "Congratulations. I guess that makes you one of us." Spike snickers and tells Angelus he'll let him have a crack at the Slayer. Dru smells intoxicating fear in the streets, but Angelus is in no mood for fun, and like the big party-pooper he is, he grabs Darla and grumps off, saying the rebellion is beginning to bore him. Spike and Dru giggle and cuddle. More shots of the terror in the streets and then a slow-mo shot of Spike walking towards the camera, flames behind him, his face still splashed with the Slayer's blood. All four of the vampires walk abreast; Spike jumps up over a barrel and glowers into the camera.
Squeezing a lime into his mouth in the present-day Bronze, Spike explains, "That was the best night of my life." Buffy is staring at him and finally sneers, "You got off on it." Spike cocks an eyebrow and expresses disbelief that she claims she doesn't, but Buffy tosses off a little body language that screams, "Of course I don't, you freak." He tells her that she can kill vampires, can keep killing vampires, but all it will take is the one thing all vampires hope for. When Buffy inquires what that is, Spike steps up to her and breathes, "One. Good. Day." She shoves him away, and he responds by telling her she thinks she's immortal. She denies this, and he tries to prove the point by demanding, "Then how do you explain this?" and punching her in her wound. She shouts, he grabs his head and shouts, and everybody in the Bronze stares at the weirdoes to the pool table. Spike tells her the lesson isn't over.
Riley walks through the graveyard we saw earlier, straight towards the mausoleum. Inside, we hear the Ratt-y vamp bragging that he killed the Slayer. Riley stalks inside and quickly dispatches Ratt-y vamp. He then pulls the pin on a grenade and runs outside. The mausoleum explodes.
Spike and Buffy are outside the Bronze. They fight a little, and then Spike tells her the second lesson is to ask the right questions. He claims that it isn't important how he won; what's important is why the Slayers lost. Buffy wants to know what the difference is and how he killed the second Slayer. Spike takes a few quick swings at her, which she easily dodges, and he laughs, saying he had no intention of hurting her so the chip didn't activate. He then vamps out and tries to rush her, but stops short, grabbing his head in pain. Buffy is getting impatient and punches him a few times and throws him to the ground. She claims she's ready to know how he killed the other Slayer. "A bit like this," says Spike, and tosses Buffy off him. She rolls, but instead of her standing, we see the other Slayer, a cool chick in a leather coat and Afro. She and Spike are fighting on a subway car, "New York City, 1977." I'm glad they didn't show this Slayer in the previews, because I was totally shocked and delighted with her wicked blaxploitation self. Fighting, and the action flashes between the subway car and the alley outside the Bronze, with Buffy's moves matching the New York Slayer's and Spike's matching his 1977 punk self. The fight continues, with some nice shots from outside the subway car windows. 1977 Slayer puts Spike's head out through a window, and he screams from sheer joy. Or at least that's what it said in the shooting script. My, my, my, but Spike looks yummy in his punky hair and gear. The fight continues. In the alley, Spike tells Buffy that NYC Slayer was cunning, resourceful, and hot. "I could have danced all night with that one." "You think we're dancing?" snaps Buffy. "That's all we've ever done," laughs Spike. And considering all the times Buffy could've killed Spike but didn't, I'd have to agree. Spike's present-day narration begins to run over the scenes of him fighting the Slayer in 1977. He tells Buffy that the dancing never stops -- every day she wakes up, wondering, "Is today the day I die?" On the subway car, he fights with a piece of handrail, and in the alley with the pool cue. He continues that death is always on Buffy's heels and part of her wants to get caught, in part to stop "the uncertainty" and in part because she's "just a little bit in love with it."
Buffy deals him a good strong punch, as does the NYC Slayer. In the subway car, the Slayer sits on Spike, pinning him to the ground, but the lights in the train go down, and when they come back up, he's sitting on her instead. All background noise in the scene stops, and 1977 Spike looks up at Buffy and says, "Death is your art. You make it with your hands." Very spooky effect. Buffy seems riveted as 1977 Spike and current Spike both kneel, looking up at her. He tells her she has curiosity about where death leads, and that's the secret: the Slayer wanted it. "Every Slayer has a death wish," he claims, and brutally snaps the neck of NYC Slayer. "Even you." 1977 Spike rises slowly and pulls the emergency stop cord. Before getting off the subway train, he begins to tug on NYC Slayer's leather duster, taking it for himself. He tells Buffy the only reason she's lasted this long is her ties to the world -- "your mum, brat kid sister, Scoobies." Spike's arm muscles look delicious as he pulls the jacket off the dead Slayer, and I feel all guilty and horrible inside for noticing that in the middle of such a gruesome scene. He puts on the jacket and tells Buffy that, sooner or later, she too will want to die. "And the second, the second that happens," he claps his hands in front of her face, "you know I'll be there. I'll slip in. Have myself a real good day." He steps away, declaring, "Here endeth the lesson," and then wonders if Buffy will "like it as much as [NYC Slayer] did." Buffy, standing stock-still this whole time, finally seems to come back to herself and snarls for him to get out of her sight. He doesn't leave, but instead tries to taunt her into hitting him. She won't, and he almost pleads for her to belt him. "Spike," she warns, and suddenly his face changes; his eyes lower and he moves in close to her, obviously for a kiss. Buffy gasps and steps back, her face crumpled with disgust. "What the hell are you doing!?" she demands.
Ace: "I don't know why Buffy was all surprised when Spike tried to kiss her. That's what you do at the end of a date and drinking, dinner, and pool all add up to a date."
Sep: "It totally was a date. My last date ended exactly the same way. Someone threw a wad of cash at someone else, the words, 'You're beneath me' were uttered, and one of us was left crying alone in an alley."
Ace: "You've got to be kidding me."
Sep: "Actually I am. My last date ended with me threatening my beau with a spork."
Spike looks chagrined for a second but then steps forward and grabs Buffy by her arms. He tells her he can feel it, she wants to dance. "Say it's true. Say I do want to," breathes Buffy. Then, throwing him to the ground, she spits, "It wouldn't be you, Spike. It would never be you." She tosses the wad of bills at him and finishes, "You're beneath me," before stalking away. Lying on the ground, his coat slipped down revealing his delicious arms, covered with bills, Spike begins to sniffle and cry. Aww, poor Spike. Things are so not going his way the past few seasons. I get the feeling that if he were a Broward County voter, he'd be one of those poor saps whose vote was invalidated due to a perfidious hanging chad. He frantically grabs up the money and then, choking down his sobs, he taps into his inner demon and sends a most menacing glower after Buffy's back.
Spike's lair. He scrabbles around in a chest as Harmony inquires what he's doing. Spike grabs a shot gun out of the chest and mutters about showing Buffy. He loads the shot gun, snarling, "Hasn't got a death wish? Bitch won't need one."
After commercial, we're still at Spike's pad, where Harmony, looking hot in all black, is trying to convince Spike not to go after Buffy. She reminds him of the chip in his head, but he insists he'll be able to fire the shotgun despite it. He storms out as Harmony shouts after him that he couldn't kill Buffy before he got the chip, despite having plenty of chances.
Spike leaves his crypt, and we hear Dru's voice ask, "Why can't you kill her?" Spike turns around and we're in "South America, 1998." He and Dru bicker about the Slayer; Dru can see her all around Spike and wonder why he won't "push her away." Spike is sad because he feels he did it all for Dru, but she keeps "punishing him" by "carrying on with creatures like this," and behind them we see a slime demon, giant antlers dripping all over his beige suit. Totally laid-back Californian, the slime demon observes that Spike and Dru obviously "have a thing" going on. Hee, I like the slime demon. Spike and Du ignore him, and Dru explains she needs to find her pleasures elsewhere because Spike "taste[s] like ashes." The slime demon protests that he didn't know Dru was seeing anyone and then leaves, blowing her a kiss. Spike and Dru argue some more about how she can see the Slayer all around him.
The Summers house. I feel this recap is running very long, so basically Buffy goes to her mother's bedroom, finds her packing, and wants to know why. Joyce explains she's going to the hospital for tests to see what's wrong with her head and has to stay overnight. Buffy is sad.
Buffy exits the back door and, arms wrapped around her, sit on the back porch steps. She rests her head on her knees, sobbing. We see Spike's feet enter the Summers's yard. Spike walks menacingly towards Buffy, who keeps her head on her knees, crying. Spike raises the shot gun and Buffy finally looks at him, asking, "What do you want now?" Spike steels himself to utter some villainous thing, but looking at her tear-streaked face seems to weaken his resolve. They stare at each other and he finally asks, "What's wrong?" Buffy says she doesn't want to discuss it and looks away. Spike finally lowers the gun all the way and stares at Buffy for a good long while. "I-is there something I can do?" he finally asks with a darling little head tilt. Buffy looks confused and Spike, deciding that now is not the time for more chatter, comes to sit to her. She looks even more confused. Spike reaches out and gives her an awkward series of pats on the back. Buffy thinks, "How weird is my life? How FUCKING WEIRD is my life?" or at least that's my guess. Long shot of the two of them sitting silently side by side. They both heave a huge sigh at the same time.