Previously on Buffy: Buffy rescues Riley from the Initiative; Adam recruits Spike to help him with his Big Plan (said plan being as yet unrevealed to the viewing audience, but sure to be excruciatingly dull, whatever it is); Willow chooses Tara and explains the romantic nature of the relationship to Buffy; Buffy tells Riley about dating Angel; Buffy smacks Angel, who smacks her back; Buffy attempts to twist the knife by telling Angel about her new boyfriend.
With a little martial drumroll, we see that Colonel McFlabby is speaking with a white-haired important looking gent over video phone. Col. McFlabby explains that the Initiative soldiers are doing a great job capturing HSTs, but are having morale problems, due to things like the death of Professor Walsh and the escape of Adam. Professor Walsh? Professor Walsh? Where have I heard that name before? Did she used to be on this show? I can't quite recall. Oh right, she was the instructor of the only class Buffy and Willow ever attended. Some academic-advisor type should tell those two that they're never going to finish in four years if they only take one class a semester. Back at Exposition HQ, Col. McFlabby continues to explain that they are running out of containment space for the captured HSTs. He also says he's just running the Initiative until the unidentified white-haired man decides what will become of it. White-Haired Gent makes mention of the "incident" with Riley Finn and says the government wants him back. McFlabby replies Finn will be found in the vicinity of "the girl," and White-Haired Gent says he doesn't have much information on Buffy. McFlabby assures him that "she's just a girl." Perhaps we should change his name and rank to Major Error?
Segue to Spike telling FrankenFlash, "She's a lot more than that." He assures Adam that Buffy is dangerous. Didn't they have this same damn conversation last week? And maybe even the week before? What's with the filler in the past few episodes? Adam drones that Buffy "makes things interesting," and I really don't think Adam is anywhere near qualified to even mention the word "interesting," but Spike, addressing Adam as "Mr. Bits," tells him he doesn't get it and insists that "Little Miss Tiny" is going to be right in the thick of Adam's melee when it goes down. Adam expresses no surprise and ruminates that he's counting on that. Meanwhile, I'm counting out my supply of No-Doz, as I can see this will be an Adam-intensive episode, and I'd like to be able to stay awake enough in order to write this recap and fulfill my contractual obligations.
Spike is still hanging in Adam's lair and reclines in an easy chair, lighting a ciggy. Why would Adam have an easy chair in his Secret Lair of Unstoppable Boredom? Does he like to kick back with a brewski and watch big-truck pulls after a long day of impaling? Adam and Spike are discussing the fact that Spike has in the past been responsible for killing two Slayers. Spike laughs that he "killed the hell out of them," and Adam accuses him of being afraid of Buffy. Spike chiffily insists that he's not afraid, but knows his enemies. Adam then asks why Spike hasn't eliminated Buffy yet, and Spike claims that, in the past, bad luck prevented him from killing Buffy, and now he's hampered by the plot device to keep him on the show as a regular -- uh, that is, the chip. Adam says he knows how Spike feels, and when Spike doubts that, Adam launches into a speech about Spike being a ferocious animal who can't "actualize the urges within." He continues that Spike knows "one truth," that he cannot be contained and will eventually "break free and savage the world again." When he concludes, "I will make you whole again," Spike stares at him and breathes heavily, looking like he's going to jump up and plant a big tongue kiss right on Adam's green lips. He gets control of himself and says he understands why the demons are following Adam, and that Adam's like a "scary Frankenstein-looking'" Tony Robbins. Damn, James Marsters was pouring on the chemistry in that scene. If he'd been playing opposite a female cast member, or, say, a large potted plant, my TV would have been scorched by the intensity. But sadly, up against the charisma suck that is Adam, Marsters's valiant efforts merely crackle gently and fizzle out. Adam promises to remove the chip from Spike's head after he has the Slayer where he wants her. Spike reminds him that Buffy and her friends can be tricky and that Adam should beware of the variable of the Slayerettes. Adam suggest removing Buffy from her friends, a plan which gives Spike great glee. When Adam inquires how Spike will get rid of the Scooby gang since he can't hurt them, Spike smugly replies that the gang will do the work for him. He smiles and takes luxuriant drag off his smoke.
Buffy returns from LA and enters her dorm room. She looks towards Willow's side of the room, but Willow isn't there. Buffy rubs her head exhaustedly and lies down on her bed, looking sad and preoccupied. I like to imagine she's pensively considering the unworkable cross-over timeline between her show and Angel's, but she's most likely just trying to remember if she needs to pick up any of her leather pants from the dry cleaner's.
At the burned-out shell of Sunnydale High school, Riley asks Xander if he's heard from Buffy. Xander replies that he hasn't, and tosses Riley some clothing to wear while his civilian clothing is being washed. Riley pulls a pair of loudly patterned, super-baggie Hammer-style pants out of the bag and makes a crack about looking like a clown. At Xander's squinchy face, Riley apologizes, but really we all know Xander had it coming for bringing Riley those pants. Riley hopes Buffy gets back soon, and when Xander agrees, Riley asks Xander's opinion of Angel. Xander says he doesn't hate any part of Angel except the "guts part" and Riley tries to be fair, saying that what people hate is the curse. Which is such a strange way to phrase it that it makes me wonder exactly what Buffy told Riley about Angel. I mean, who hates the curse? They hate the lifting of the curse or the fact that he's a vampire at all, but the curse is actually protecting them from Angelus. At Xander's question, Riley says that Buffy told him "everything" about Angel, about how he turned evil and killed people. "One moment's happiness," muses Xander but Riley doesn't understand him. Xander explains the happiness was Angel's trigger to turn evil. Xander continues that Buffy what was made Angel happiest, and Riley slowly realizes that Xander means "sex with Buffy" was Angel's happiness. Riley bows his head, and Xander gets that Buffy left that part out of her explanation to Riley. Ooops! Riley is hurt; Xander tries to assure him that Angel is "ancient history." Riley sulks that Buffy ran to Angel in LA, but Xander tries to assure him that Buffy will be back soon -- she just had to make sure that Angel was okay. Riley picks at the clothes he's holding and looks worried.
At Giles's pad, Giles is strumming his acoustic guitar and singing "Freebird." He sounds great and is totally into it, but suddenly he gives a girly shriek and leaps up. Spike is standing right in front of him and snarks that, as a person who has "Watcher on his résumé" Giles really should pay more attention to his front door. Humph -- Sep and I have been saying that all season. Annoyed, Giles stomps over to Spike, who is rummaging around in Giles's fridge. Spike pulls a baggy of blood out of the fridge and asks if Buffy is there. When Giles inquires why Spike wants to know, Spike sneers that he wants to speak to "the lady of the house" and throws his blood bag into the microwave. Spike tells Giles to give Buffy the message that he has something she wants, and when Giles inquires what that thing is, Spike tells him he has information of the classified variety. Giles looks mighty skeptical, but Spike assures him he knows of files in the Initiative containing the secrets of Maggie Walsh, including info on Adam. Wuh? They mentioned that Professor Walsh person again. Do you think she was important to the plot at one point, but then was killed and not mentioned for six episodes or so? Because I'm starting to get that feeling. Spike is offering to break into the Initiative and get the files for the Scooby Gang. As Spike sips at his mug of warm blood, Giles expresses cynical surprise that Spike happens to have just what they need at that moment, but Spike isn't thrown. He tells Giles that the information won't come cheap -- he wants blood, cash, and a guarantee that Buffy won't slay him. Giles agrees to his terms, but Spike says that's not good enough and that he wants to make the deal with Buffy herself. Giles assures him he'll tell her, but Spike begins to turn the knife, saying that Buffy never listens to Giles, and didn't even when Giles was her Watcher. He sneers that Buffy treats Giles "very much like a retired librarian," and this causes Giles to pour himself a drink. Spike leaves, and Giles begins drinking.
In Tara's room, Willow is cuddling the cutest little black kitten with white markings and musing on how cute she is. Tara, sitting nearby, agrees. Willow addresses the kitten as "Miss Kitty Fantastico," and Tara wins points by saying that they have to get the kitten a real name. Willow says she's happy the kitten is "ours" and then backpedals that the kitten is Tara's, but Tara assures her that the kitten can belong to both of them. Oh, stop dithering already, you two wacky spell-casters. Tara then turns back to the materials in her lap, saying that Willow needs to pick an elective. She suggests psych, but Willow understandably declines (with a third mention of Dr. Walsh! Sorry, writers, but mentioning her three times in one episode doesn't make up for pretending she never existed for the past six). Willow suggests drama and then, holding the kitten up to her face, theatrically declares, "You cannot have more catnip! You have a catnip problem!" The girls laugh, and the kitten endearingly bats at Willow's hair and nose. Wasn't it established that Willow has a fear of public speaking? Oh well, I suppose her self-confidence might have increased after all enjoying all those flaming Os and blowing out all those candles with Tara. Willow lowers the kitten and mentions she needs to decide about her housing for year. She suggests off-campus housing, but Tara says she thought Willow would be living with Buffy again. Willow replies that she had envisioned living with Buffy all the way through college, but now she's not so sure, since both of then are hardly ever in their room. She says she'll ask Buffy.
The morning, Buffy answers a knock on the dorm room door to find Riley. She cracks on the pants he's wearing, and Riley explains that Xander gave them to him and wonders if Xander secretly hates him in some way. Buffy seems distant and not too happy to see Riley, and he gets a little defensive. He says he's safe from the Initiative because he modified a radio to monitor their movements. Buffy fiddles with some stuff on her desk and tells Riley that she was upset by Angel; Riley, arms crossed, suspiciously asks what exactly upset her. Buffy doesn't really explain, saying it's not interesting. She then explains that she wants to get out and find Adam (all talk and no action, Buffy -- Adam's been roaming around boring the masses for months and months, while all you've done is mack with your Teutonic boy-toy), and Riley makes a few uncomfortable jokes about Xander's pants and then leaves. Buffy seems confused as to what just happened between her and Riley, although if she had any capacity for introspection she would realize that being cold and evasive to your new boyfriend after just racing off to help out your old boyfriend is not really the way to avoid a scene. Outside her door, Riley clenches his jaw. Which I'm sure doesn't come as a surprise to my readers.
Anya and Xander arrive at Spike's crypt to give him some Army duds. Spike looks over the stuff and is elated to find a gun amongst the stuff in the pile. He levels it and swings around towards Anya and Xander, but claps his hand to his head, shouting in pain, as soon as he points the gun directly at them. Spike is annoyed that the chip prevents him from even pointing a gun, and Xander adds to the humiliation by telling him it's a fake gun anyway. Xander is wearing a huge ugly sweater with a green and blue target on the front. As one of our forum participants noted, wearing a shirt with a target on it is not a very good idea in a town like Sunnydale. Spike starts talking about how well Xander will fare in boot camp, and when Xander demands to know how he got the idea that he's going to boot camp, Spike says he overheard Willow and Buffy laughing at Xander and saying he's going to join the Army. Xander starts to rant about his helpfulness to the Scooby gang, and when he asks Anya for help, she offers, "He's a Viking in the sack." Here's hoping that Anya is a sudden surprise victim of whatever big violence goes down in the season finale. Spike affects disinterest, Anya slurps her Big Gulp, and Xander continues to rant about how Buffy and Willow have excluded him from their activities since they began attending college. He names a few places he recently got fired from, and Anya says Willow and Buffy look down on him. Spike tells Xander to calm down.
Buffy, wearing an orange coat that had an unfortunate mating with a Bedazzler, patrols in the woods. She's surprised by Forrest, and they make snarky banter but agree to avoid each other. Buffy starts to enter a cave and Forrest follows her, saying that's his assignment too. Buffy questions why he's patrolling alone, and Forrest gripes that the Initiative is short on manpower and that "the family" is being torn apart. They both enter the cave, with Forrest blaming Buffy for messing things up in his boys' club. Saying that Buffy has "such a big head on that skinny little body," he tells her she's not the first girlfriend Riley ever had, but she is the first who caused him to commit treason. Forrest is angry at Buffy for ruining Riley's future, but Buffy expresses her distaste for the kind of future Riley would have had with the Initiative. They're about to square off when Adam drones up behind them.
Commercial break. I race to the kitchen, grab a cola, and down it quickly, hoping the caffeine will take effect before the show returns.
Buffy and Adam fight, and when Forrest tries to jump in, Buffy pushes him down and tells him to get out of the cave. Adam extends his skewer (really, I mean his skewer), and Forrest shoots him with a blast of electricity. The electricity ripples over Adam but doesn't seem to harm him in any way. Buffy again shouts for Forrest to get out of the cave, but instead he charges Adam and gets skewered. Adam then throws Forrest's body onto Buffy, knocking her to the ground. She manages to get back up, but Adam hits her with a blast from Forrest's stun gun. She's thrown across the cave onto a rock, scrambles up and flees outside. She runs frantically through the woods, but stumbles and falls down a hillside, hitting her head on a rock at the bottom.
Spike jauntily enters the courtyard outside Giles's place. He stubs out his cigarette and pauses, working up a intense stare and an exhausted pant. He then bursts into Giles's place, saying he lost the (fictional) soldiers chasing him. Willow jumps up from in front of her computer and asks if he had any luck. Spike hands her a bunch of floppy disks, saying he took all he could find. Willow sits on front of her laptop as Tara leans over her. Tara is wearing a way-too-small shirt that gaps across her breasts over a tank top, and an ugly pleated skirt. Poor Amber Benson wouldn't get nearly as much shit about being "fat" if the Fashion Nazi didn't dress her in such dumpy, ill-fitting clothing. As Willow works at the computer, Giles, hunched over the counter in the kitchen, makes snarky comments to Spike and then has himself another drink. Spike wants to know when he'll get paid, and Giles tells him he will when "Willow tells me you've brought her something useful." Spike stares at Willow and Tara and seems to make careful note of the fact that Tara is caressing a little strand of Willow's hair. He then goes over to Giles and needles him for having to take direction from Willow in the deal. Willow gets a screen full of scrolling characters and says the discs are encrypted. Spike seems genuinely surprised, although I'm sure he knew he was bringing them dummy discs, and asks if Willow will be able to make any sense of the information. Willow replies that it's doubtful, and Spike grumbles that she's not a whiz anymore. Willow and Tara get defensive, and Spike says he's just referring to the fact that her friends had mentioned that she wasn't as interested in computers anymore. Willow takes the bait as Spike continues that he heard Willow was "into the new thing" with Tara, then pauses for beat and he clarifies that he's talking about the Wicca stuff. Willow is concerned and curious to hear what her friends said. Spike claims that they said it was "a phase" and that Xander said Willow was just being "trendy." Spike says that Buffy was defending her and that he doesn't understand, because if Willow wants to be a witch it's her business. Hee hee to the subtext, although of course since the last episode it's not necessary anymore. Willow is alarmed and says she knew Buffy was freaked out, and Tara suggests that Willow talk to Buffy. Spike tries to direct their attention back to the discs.
At the Initiative, Col. McFlabby is taking a tour of the hostile containment area. A random grunt is telling him that they've almost run out of space to house the captured hostiles. ["Hey, didn't we see this plot in Ghostbusters? -- Sars] The Colonel gives instructions to pack the hostiles in together and isn't concerned that they'll begin to tear each other apart. He enters a communication room where one grunt is taking a radio call from a patrol in great danger.
It's a pretty sad state of affairs for Riley, who is eating cold beans straight from the can when he picks up the distress call on his walkie-talkie. ["Did you know that the guy who invented the walkie-talkie also invented the garage door opener?" -- Sep] Because his sense of duty is so strong, Riley cannot ignore a cry for help from his compadres, and as he rushes out he grabs his vest. Or maybe it's just a convenient way for him to meet up with Angel. I'm not sure.
Cut to Riley running down a street in Sunnydale. He rounds the corner to see a commando sail through the air and thud against a brick wall. Riley raises his flashlight to reveal Angel. I'm clapping my hands in anticipation, but I have to wait through a commercial first.
"Riley Finn," croaks Angel. "Do I know you?" says Riley. "We have a friend in common," explains Angel. Riley assumes that, because of the commandos littered around the warehouse area, Angel has lost his soul, and he wonders aloud what could have caused it, obviously assuming that Angel and Buffy slept together in LA. I see that Riley has found his secret power: the ability to leap to illogical conclusions in a single bound. Angel takes a step forward and Riley extends his baton (and I really do mean his baton) to block his path. They macho-talk a little more, and then it's time for the fisticuffs. Riley gets in one good thwack with his baton (again, I really do mean his baton) before Angel takes the baton from him and hurls him into a pile of garbage. Riley jumps up onto a loading dock, and Angel long-jumps at least fifty feet to join him. Angel still has the upper hand (although Riley gets in few good kicks) until Riley takes out his cattle prod and shocks Angel on his chest. Angel falls backward off of the loading dock with Riley in pursuit. Angel, with his game face on, hoists Riley over his shoulders and runs him across the clearing, flipping him into a pile of barrels. He then picks up a still-dazed Riley and throws him into a pile of metal pipes, which get severely dented by the impact. Ow. I know that I'm pretty inured to violence by now, but just imagine getting thrown hard enough at something metal to dent it. Youch. Anyway, the two lovebirds are interrupted by the rumble of a Humvee. Angel takes to the rooftops, and Riley limps away between two buildings.
At the home of the Slayer, the Witch, and their Wardrobe, Buffy dejectedly enters. She takes off her jacket (thank god) in front of the mirror and gingerly fingers the cut on her forehead. Outside, Angel knocks on the door, and when Buffy answers it she doesn't seem at all surprised to see him. He asks if he can come in, and Buffy replies, "I guess." Angel tells her that he needs an invitation. Huh? Wasn't it pretty much established that dorms were considered public places? What about Sunday's roving gang of vamps who stole all of Buffy's things? I don't recall them RSVPing. Anyway, Buffy invites Angel inside and they notice each other's bruises. Angel doesn't want to tell Buffy exactly how he was hurt, which is fine for Buffy, because she can't wait to turn the conversation back to herself: "Let me guess, you thought of something else really hurtful to say and you couldn't tell me on the phone because the funniest part is that look on my face." Angel interrupts her to say that he's a little short on time, and at that moment Riley bursts into the room with some sort of gun trained directly on Angel. How inept is the Initiative anyway? If they think that Riley would stick close to Buffy, shouldn't they have someone trail Buffy? Or at least hang around outside her dorm? This is the second time that Riley has come out of hiding to visit her; they could have captured him by now.
Anyway, Riley says that he "told [Angel] that [he wasn't] coming near her," and Buffy quickly puts two and two together. Angel says that beating Riley up was an accident (a wonderful happy accident, in my opinion) but Buffy reads him the riot act, saying, "Running your car into a tree is an accident. Running your fist into somebody's face is a plan," and demands an explanation. Riley says that Angel attacked four commandos, and he thinks Angel has turned evil again. Buffy tells Riley that Angel won't hurt anyone, and orders Angel to reassure Riley. "I might hurt you," says Angel to Riley. Riley pretty much invites him to do just that, and Angel turns his head towards Buffy and expresses his disbelief that this is the person Buffy has chosen to knock boots with. I gotta say, I'm with Angel on this one, and I'd like to tell him how lucky he is that he hasn't had to sit through it in excruciating detail like I have. Anyway, Riley has gotten his panties in a bunch at Angel's last remark and punches him. Angel punches him back, and then Buffy wades into the fray between then and, with one hand on each of their chests, pushes Riley and Angel across the room and into the desk and bed respectively. Remember when Buffy used to be a cool spunky chick who didn't take any crap? Me too. She threatens to put them both in the hospital at the sign of "testosterone poisoning." "He started it," whines Angel from the bed, but Buffy stabs a finger in his direction to shut him up. Buffy approaches Riley and very gently tells him that she has to talk to Angel, implying that he should leave, and Riley petulantly crosses his arms and tells her that he's staying put. Buffy shoots Angel a look and walks out the door. Angel follows her, throwing a victorious smirk in Riley's direction. As the door closes, Riley pouts that he's "not moving a muscle." Heh -- Riley made me laugh! That's all of two times this entire season.
Out in the hallway, Buffy starts yelling at Angel, ending with, "I would really like to know what the hell you think you were doing." Angel replies that he was "trying to make things better." This breaks the ice and makes them both chuckle. In a nutshell, Angel explains his beating Riley up and apologizes for everything, Buffy makes a half-assed attempt at an apology herself, they agree for the five-hundred-millionth time that they probably shouldn't see each other anymore, and in doing so they actually manage to have more chemistry together than anyone that Buffy has been romantically paired with this season, except for Spike.
Speak of the devil. Or at least the naughty little emasculated cutie. Spike comes striding into FrankenFlash's cave and chucks an empty beer can in the corner. He tells Adam that he was successful in implementing the Yoko Factor. He's stirred enough turds with the Slayerettes to alienate them from each other, each blaming the other members of the group for their estrangement. In return Spike wants his "chipectomy" now, but FrankenFlash tells him that he needs one more thing. Spike gives him a puzzled look, and we go to commercial.
Back in Buffy's room, Buffy tells Riley that she has something to tell him and suggests he sit down. He tells her that if he's going to break his heart to do it quickly. Buffy looks confused, then tells him that she and Angel aren't getting back together and wants to know why Riley thought that. "I don't know, Xander --" begins Riley. At the mention of Xander's name, Buffy says that he is "the deadest man in deadonia." Riley says it's not Xander's fault and explains their conversation. Riley goes on to account for his actions, and Buffy finally corrects his misassumption that Angel is evil again. "Well, there you go, even when he's good he's all Mr. Billowy-Coat King of Pain," continues Riley undeterred, worried that girls love that kind of thing. Apparently, they love it so much that Angel got his own show, which isn't a fate you'll have to worry about, Bland Boy. Buffy interrupts him and leads him to sit down on the bed. She tells Riley of Forrest's demise. Riley just sits slumped with his head in his hands. Buffy assures Riley that they will destroy Adam, and Riley suddenly monotones that he has to go now and takes off.
"It's still encrypted," says Willow over at Fort Giles. The camera focuses on the computer screen, and I hate to break it to Willow but she's trying to crack a screensaver. "Willow's working really hard on it," says the official spokesperson of Willow's PR department, a.k.a. Tara. Buffy is impatient for the information contained on the disks and seems upset that Willow hasn't cracked them yet. Buffy paces over to Xander and Anya, who are lounging on the couch, and doesn't notice the annoyed look Willow flashes at her back. It appears that Giles has been drinking steadily, and he mumbles something about Latin in the kitchen which I'm sure is very funny, but my closed captioning didn't catch it. Anya chastises Buffy because Xander worked very hard delivering clothes to Riley, and Buffy halfway apologizes and starts formulating a plan out loud. She wants to go back to the cave to see if Adam is still there. Willow gets up from the desk to admonish Buffy for wanting to face Adam alone, saying that he might rip Buffy's arms off. Giles slurs something about how Buffy doesn't train with him anymore, but if she did, he would kick her ass. Hee! Xander stands and calls to Giles for a round of weapons. Buffy nixes that idea and denies Xander permission to go. Because she's in charge, you see. Xander shoots her a pissed-off look and grumbles about being left behind in the Bat Cave to play with Alfred while she and Willow take care of business. Giles, gesturing with his drink, reminds Xander that nobody would mistake him for Alfred because Alfred was gainfully employed. Well, gee, Giles, whose fault is that? It's not like we've even seen you looking for a job. Buffy informs everyone that she is going to go alone. This pisses Willow off even more, and I must say, hasn't Buffy learned the "friends are good and helpful" lesson countless times before? Xander suggests that he can help by getting Buffy some "fightin' pants" and having seen what his idea of stealthy attire is, I can't say I would trust him with the job. We see Tara and Anya filing off down the hallway as Buffy snits that Willow and Xander aren't helping. Willow grouses that they're already getting in the way, and Xander says that they might have to ship him off to the Army so he isn't a hindrance anymore. "The Army?" questions Buffy. Xander believes that it is Buffy and Willow who are talking behind his back, but Willow corrects him, saying that Xander and Buffy are the ones actually talking behind her back. Only she says it much funnier. Xander: "Well, maybe that all changes when I'm over doing sit-ups over at Fort Dix." At the mention of Fort Dix, Giles chokes on his scotch and laughs uproariously. This causes the gang to stare at him, and Buffy asks him if he's drunk. "Quite a bit, actually," he replies. "Well, stop," orders Buffy. Nah, don't stop, Giles, just move the party over to my place. Buffy proclaims the situation stupid, a comment which Xander takes it personally. She tries to explain that she needs them "all the time, just not now." Willow wants to know exactly how Buffy needs them, and Buffy replies that she's "good with the computer stuff. Usually. And there's the witch stuff." Willow frostily asks Buffy what she means by "witch stuff." Buffy shakes her head and says that everything is crazy. "Oh no it's not," says Giles as he walks towards the desk. "It's all finally making perfect sense and I'm not going to miss a moment of it," he finishes as he tries to sit down but misses the chair and falls out of the scene.
Cut to Anya and Tara, who have gone to hide out in the bathroom. Can't say I blame them, either. Tara asks Anya if she thinks the gang will be fighting for long. Anya isn't sure. Tara ventures that the bathroom is nice, and Anya agrees that she likes the tile. Poor Tara. Stuck in the bathroom with Anya.
Back in the living room, Giles has had enough and clomps upstairs to go pass out, pulling off his sweater on the way. Xander is still spouting about his fear of inadequacy, prompting Willow to ask him if the "umbilical cord" between him and Anya could reach all the way to boot camp. Xander stabs a finger in Willow's direction, accusing her and Buffy of loathing Anya (like that's news), as Giles's sweater comes sailing over the banister and lands on his head. Willow says that she's not the one being judgmental; it's really Buffy and Xander. Buffy retorts that if she were "any more open-minded about the choices [Willow and Xander] make, [her] whole brain would fall out." I could say the same about you. Okay, I'm sick of this fight. It's boring and hard to describe. The only good part left is when Xander, in the midst of his rant, stops short, shocked by Willow's declaration that Tara is her girlfriend, and we hear Giles, from upstairs, moan, "Bloody hell!" Basically, everyone's mad about the same stuff they were mad about in "Fear Itself," which was only the fourth episode of this season. Looks like the character development wagon got mired in the mud of Buffy/Riley sex and has just now managed to get free. Willow is sick of being seen as a sidekick, Xander is afraid that he's invisible to the gang now that he's not in college, and Buffy -- well, if you remember, Buffy was menaced by Dead Frat Jerk, who it seems symbolized an ineffective plot device, which is pretty much Adam in a nutshell. What I'm upset about is the way the writers established this discord way back when and then have shelved it until now, only to trot out when we know that everything will be resolved in the two episodes anyway. They should have built up the tension steadily throughout the season, and then this fight would have made a lot more sense. Anyway. The only thing missing is for Buffy to get self-righteous, which she does, closing with, "I'm starting to understand why there's no ancient prophecy about a chosen one and her friends." With that she rides her high-horse off into the sunset.
FrankenFlash is standing in the middle of his cave not doing anything, maybe because his DSL connection is down. ["Or maybe he has an account with HostPro." -- Sars] He hears a noise, and we see someone standing just on the edge of the frame, supposedly to heighten tension, as if we all didn't know it was Riley. "I've been waiting for you," says FrankenFlash, "And now I'm here," replies Riley.