As the fourth season opens, the camera pans up on an angel statue presumably in one of Sunnydale's cemeteries (and that's a statue of an angel, not of Angel. Sorry. I didn't mean to scare anyone). Buffy walks into the frame sporting a frighteningly terrible French braid. Willow has spread a blanket on the cemetery lawn and is suggesting possible courses for Buffy, like to the Modern Novel. Let me get this out of the way right now -- I like Willow's new hair. Buffy is worried that she might have to actually read the modern novel and I won't even mention how much that type of attitude ticks me off. If you don't want to be in college, DON'T GO. Buffy wonders if they have "Introduction to the Modern Blurb," and Willow notices a short-story class. Buffy seems interested, but Willow says it conflicts with Psychology and she has to take Psych because she can use it for her science requirement. No! Buffy, stand up for yourself and sign up for another class. Whatever it takes to circumvent Riley before he happens. Also, what kind of school lets you use a social science to satisfy a science requirement? ["Heh. I wondered that myself, Sep." -- Ace] ["And the answer is: 'Princeton.' Sad, eh?" -- Sars] Willow drops Professor Walsh's name and lets us know that she's "world renowned." Buffy wonders if one has to be "nowned" first as Willow absentmindedly states, "Yes, first there's the painful nowning process." Willow finds an Images of Pop Culture course that seems to be more to Buffy's liking, as it consists of watching movies, television shows, and commercials. Willow chides Buffy for waiting so long to sign up for courses, and Buffy defends herself by saying she's had a very "Slay-heavy" summer. As they discuss how college is going to be a large adjustment, the vampire they are waiting for rises out of his grave behind them. He approaches what he thinks will be some tender vittles, but catches sight of the multitude of stabby things near them and decides his meal isn't worth it, creeping away. Just as he leaving, Buffy is saying that she can't let college "take the edge off [her] slaying," and that she has "to stay sharp." I'm glad to see that Buffy's usual subtlety is at play here. And I'm so very glad they didn't have to resort to obvious anvil-heaving tactics to let us know that this episode is going to be all about Buffy losing her edge when it comes to slaying.
Credits. The first time I saw them, I thought they did a good job of blending old and new scenes. Now they just make me miss Oz more.
Establishing shots of UC Sunnydale. The camera pans down on a crowded quad to rest on Buffy, who is holding onto her folder for dear life. Buffy realizes that she's in the wrong group because she doesn't have a yellow folder, and since when do Universities use the folder system instead of the name system? Buffy makes her way through the quad up towards Weisman Hall as she is accosted by various people handing out flyers. That's certainly realistic. Buffy seems very disoriented but can't seem to actually stop and ask anyone for directions in a voice more audible than a whisper. Willow runs up to meet Buffy and blathers on excitedly about getting all her classes and the campus atmosphere. The girls compare flyers and Willow is upset that she didn't get one for Jell-O shots; Buffy hands her hers. Buffy asks Willow if she knows where Weisman Hall is because she needs to get her ID card. Willow comments that the lines are probably really long now and that she should have gone earlier. Then Willow realizes that she's being annoying and tries to explain it's because, in high school, "You really had to work to learn anything but here the energy, the collective intelligence it's like this force, this penetrating force and I can just feel my mind opening up and letting this place thrust into and spurt knowledge . . ." She trails off when she sees Buffy's quizzical look and says, "That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in." Buffy says that she's all about "spurty knowledge," but that it's overwhelming, and I have to restrain myself from making a comment. Willow looks to the left, points, and shrieks, "Ooh! Boyfriend," as Oz approaches. As they exchange a kiss, Buffy makes a joke about having forgotten to pick up a boyfriend and now there's probably a long line. Oz mentions that it's "a madhouse," and this springboards Buffy into her "I'm so overwhelmed" speech. At that moment, a former classmate of Oz's shows up, and after establishing the date for the Dingoes show, Oz directs his friend to Richmond Hall. Oz, because he is a cool guy, notices Buffy's distress and tries to reassure her that he doesn't know what's going on either, but in the same breath he calls out, "Hey Doug!" to a passing friend.
Willow and Buffy have lost Oz as they make their way upstairs to the library. Buffy mentions how convenient it would be if Giles was the librarian here. Willow notes that, according to Giles, he is enjoying being "a man of leisure." Buffy wonders if that's British for "unemployed" and Willow agrees that he's a slacker. This brings the subject around to Xander (my spell-checker suggests we use "Dander" here instead. I'm almost inclined to agree), who we learn is not back from his quest to drive to all fifty states. Buffy inquires if Willow explained about Hawaii, but Willow didn't because "he seemed too determined." They round a final corner, and Buffy is overawed by the size of the library. Willow seems enthused, but Buffy just looks uncomfortable. Now we're in the bookstore, Willow and Buffy looking for their books. I add the fact that they can even move down the aisles to my list of Completely Unbelievable Things in this episode. Willow spies the textbooks for Psychology but they're too high up, so Buffy reaches up and while attempting to get them down she knocks them off the shelf. If I could go back in time right now, I'd have her push a little harder, because the books fall on Riley, who was kneeling near the floor. They actually did hit him pretty hard -- maybe he was actually likable at one point and he's been in a concussed state since then. Yeah, I'll quit grasping at straws now. Anyway, Buffy stammers out an apology as Riley helps her collect the books. He notices that the books are Intro to Psych texts and asks if they are taking the class or if they "just want him dead." Buffy says, "Uh-huh. I mean the first one." I'll put a vote in for the "dead" option and I'm sure Ace will too, so Buffy is overruled. Motion passed. Riley dies. Right? Oh, crap -- he keeps talking, saying that Professor Walsh is "quite a character." As if an introductory Psych course only has one Professor teaching it. Willow asks if he's taken it, and Riley tells her that he's helping to teach it. Introductions are made all around, and Willow asks if they'll be studying operant conditioning. Buffy is relegated to scenery for the moment as Riley and Willow bond over brainy things. Buffy tries to break in by saying, "Yeah, 'cause everyone's got a brain." This reminded me of a conversation with my friend Keight, who was complaining bitterly about her fellow students in some of her upper-division Psych classes and decrying all UC Berkeley students as dim. Once a Psych major myself, I told her my theory that Psych gets a lot of people looking for an easy major, their reasoning being, "Psychology is like the study of the human mind, right? Well, I'm human and I have a mind!" Anyway, Riley and I give Buffy an odd look as Willow and Riley walk off without her.
Buffy walks down the hall to her room, and as she opens the door she sees that her new roommate has arrived and is unpacking. They introduce themselves, and I take an immediate disliking to Kathy, probably because of her camouflage skirt in non-camouflage colors. I can't abide that. Also, she has a weak chin. Buffy sits down on her bed and comments on how nice the room is. Remember that List of Unbelievable Things I'm keeping? Well, the size of this dorm room goes right to the top. When I was at university I could check my messages, open the fridge, get a sweater from the closet, change the stereo, answer the door, and turn on the heater, all from my bed. ["You had a closet?" -- Sars] They make more pointless small talk and then Kathy carries a poster over to her side of the room and chirps, "I just know that this whole year is going to be super fun!" as she unfurls a large Celine Dion poster. Buffy looks stricken and I howl with laughter. Okay, whose idea was it to make ruthless fun of Canadians? Give that guy a raise! You can't tell me the Celine poster and the use of the word "super" were unintentional.
It's nighttime in the World's Largest Dorm Room and Kathy is making snoring smacky noises and disturbing Buffy.
Daytime. We're in a large lecture hall as a nameless Professor is telling us that the point of Intro to Popular Culture is not to watch movies for credit. Buffy leans over to ask her classmate if he knows if the class is full yet. The Professor tells her to stand up and asks her to share her thoughts with the class. The fact that the Professor would hear Buffy's whisper from down at the podium makes it onto my List of Unbelievable Things at number four. Buffy explains that she was inquiring if the class was full yet. Professor Prig picks up his clipboard and says, "If your name is not on this sheet you are wasting everyone's time. Is your name on this sheet?" Buffy says it isn't and starts to say something else, but Professor Prig interrupts her with, "Do you understand? You are sucking energy from everyone in this room," and tells her to get out. A dejected Buffy mumbles, "I didn't mean to suck," and makes her way to the end of the aisle but Professor Prig isn't satisfied and screams, "LEAVE!" at her, thereby making his debut on my List at number five. I've attended many a college and university and I have never seen such a display. That type of instructional immaturity is usually reserved for the high-school level.
Buffy is making her way down the hall and meets up with Riley, who directs her to the room for Psych. Buffy asks after his head, but Riley doesn't remember her at first; then he can only place her as "Willow's friend." Ouch. That must be the first time that's happened to Buffy! Riley claims that his head is fine. Needless to say, I strongly disagree with that statement. As they enter the room, Riley states, "We're here." Wow, thank you for telling me that, Captain Obvious. Buffy sits by Willow and lies to her about Pop Culture, saying that she found it dull and decided not to take it. In strides Professor Walsh, introducing herself and the class as, "Psych 105: Intro to Psychology." An intro course at a state school numbered 105? Hey, I think we found number six for The List! Professor Walsh talks tough some more and Buffy looks worried.
Cut to Buffy walking across campus by herself at night. Spooky music plays and owls hoot as she looks around and then runs right into a boy who doesn't look quite human to me. The boy apologizes in a voice completely devoid of cadence or any variation in pitch. Buffy and Mr. Monotone bond over both being lost. We learn that Mr. Monotone's real name is Eddie. Eddie's shirt sleeves are way too short, so short I'm having trouble concentrating on the dialogue. Fortunately all they're doing is trying to find Fisher Hall on Eddie's map. They set off together and pointless small talk ensues. Finally something in Eddie's appearance and voice click, and I decide to stop picking on him because it must have been terribly difficult for an autistic child to attend university. Buffy and Eddie discuss how difficult college is, and Buffy wishes aloud that she still had a security blanket. Eddie breaks in with Of Human Bondage, and asks Buffy if she's read it. Buffy cracks me up by saying that she's "not really into porn." Mr. Monotone corrects her and waxes philosophic about his obsession with the book. ["I actually went out and bought Of Human Bondage to read after this episode first aired. Oh, I just realized that this admission makes me look like a huge freak. Oh well." -- Ace] Buffy reaches her destination and turns to go, but not before they agree that they should meet up again. Touching music plays as Eddie turns to go the opposite direction but is grabbed from behind by a vamp. The camera focuses on two more vamps, who part to let a vamp with long blonde hair through (who looks surprising like Helen Hunt in her freaky overdone mascara she wore the Oscars). The blond vampire cocks her head to the side and says, "I'm sorry. Did you lose your way?"
You know what's the worst thing about re-watching an episode from when it first aired? The advertisements for movies I never wanted to spend even one second thinking about again. Three to Tango, I'm looking in your direction.
A cadre of vampires rushes into an unidentified dorm room and clears out all of the stuff. One of them leaves a note on the bed.
The day Buffy looks for Eddie after Psych class, worried that he isn't there. She makes her way to his old dorm room, and some random guy, maybe Eddie's RA, is telling Buffy that a couple of kids every semester just pack up and leave. He concludes with, "Weak ones, I guess." What kind of insensitive freak is this guy? Wouldn't he assume that Buffy would be a friend of Eddie's? What sort of person would tell a person whose friend just disappeared or dropped out that the friend is "weak"? As much as I'd like to put this on my List of Completely Unbelievable Things, I can't, because my faith in humanity is that low. Buffy ponders the note that Eddie left and sets it on his night stand. The drawer is ajar and she sees the outline of an object. She pulls the drawer open to reveal Of Human Bondage and the camera focuses on her face with its Something Is Not Right Here expression.
Cut to Sunday's lair. Look, I could pretend that I don't know who the blond vampire is, but we both know that this episode aired months ago, so I find it pretty pointless. Various vampires are going through loot, and if my closed captioning were working I might be able to supply some names. Sunday is flipping through CDs and pronouncing them all boring: "We have to kill some cooler people." Snerk. Montana Vampire (she resembles Montana from Real World Boston, and I've always thought of Montana as an evil soulless creature so that's why I chose the moniker) is trying on a purple sweater and asking Sunday if it makes her look fat. "No, the fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look purple," Sunday answers. Tee hee. Stoner Vamp interrupts their bickering to hold up a poster that's folded so we can't see what it is. Sunday asks if it's a Klimt and Stoner Vamp reveals that it is. He walks over to staple it on a wall that is covered with Klimt and Monet posters. Stoner Vamp: "Monet still well in the lead, but look out for Team Klimt coming from behind." Sunday: "Freshmen -- they're so predictable." Sep: "Bwahahahaha!" Montana Vamp complains that she's hungry and Stoner Vamp acts stupid, which leads Sunday to comment, "I gotta get me some better lackeys. I swear you guys are useless. I shouldn't even take you on the hunt," as she strides out of the room. Montana Vamp says, "Great. Why don't you let dead Eddie get your dinner." "That's pretty much the plan," Sunday calls over her shoulder as the camera rests on Eddie and his eyes fly open.
Buffy lets herself into Giles's apartment without knocking as a woman clad only in a men's shirt walks out of the kitchen. Heh. Go Giles! Buffy stares in shock as Giles appears in a bathrobe from the back of the apartment. Giles introduces Buffy to Olivia and Buffy says that she needs help. Buffy keeps repeating, "This is a bad time," as Olivia goes to change into "something less comfortable." Buffy thinks Giles has too much free time, which prompts Giles to say, "I'm not supposed to have a private life?" "No," whines Buffy, "because you're very, very old and it's gross." Buffy, I think that was a rhetorical question. Go look it up. ["Memo to Joss and the Buffy writing staff: the whole 'Buffy is grossed out by adults' sex lives' joke is now officially tired. Please take note. Thanks muchly." -- Ace] Instead of reading Buffy the riot act and kicking her out until she learns better manners, Giles asks her to tell him what the problem is. Buffy tells Giles about Eddie; Giles thinks that Buffy can handle the situation herself. Giles gives her the requisite "you're a big girl now" speech. Buffy apologizes for disturbing Giles and leaves, so we, the viewing audience, will know that she feels alienated by not only her friends but also her watcher. I bet in a few episodes Giles is going to wish that he had helped out when he had the chance.
Buffy is walking around the campus at night, patrolling. She catches sight of a guy who looks like Eddie and follows him around a corner to a more deserted area. She yells out for him to wait for her and says, "I was worried that something happened to you --" as Eddie turns around wearing his game face, "--and of course it has, because you're a vampire. I'm sorry." "I'm not," mumbles Eddie. They fight and Buffy makes short work of him. Eddie was probably the only person on this show whose appearance has ever been improved by vampire makeup. The camera angle changes to show Sunday standing behind Buffy. She calls out, "The Slayer," and Buffy turns around. Sunday rambles on about the challenge of fighting the slayer as Montana Vamp and Stoner Vamp step out of the shadows. Sunday introduces herself: "I'm Sunday. I'll be killing you here in a minute or so." Buffy: "You know, that threat gets more frightening every time I hear it." I love spunky Buffy! Stoner Vamp: "Are we gonna fight or is there just gonna be a monster sarcasm rally?" Sunday tells her crew that Buffy is all hers. Sunday insults Buffy's outfit, and when Buffy glances down, Sunday punches her. They fight, and Buffy for NO APPARENT REASON is having trouble with Sunday. Sunday hurts Buffy's arm badly enough for Buffy to cradle it to her side, and Buffy hightails it out of there as Sunday sneers after her, "Freshman."
Buffy sits on her bed holding her hurt arm while Kathy snores in the other bed. Buffy is definitely not looking like the spunky ass-kicking Slayer anymore.
The day Buffy exits a classroom, and she's sporting a painfully bruised face (that I'm having trouble accepting, because how many hard knocks have we seen Buffy take without their leaving a mark?) She sees Willow and Oz laughing and talking with another student. Buffy looks chagrined, pulls some of her bangs over one of her bruises, and walks away to avoid running into her friends. I can understand she's embarrassed by her defeat, but I'm sure Oz and Willow would understand and support her. Has Buffy enrolled in Martyrdom 101 or something?
Sunday and her crew hang in their lair, mocking Buffy's defeat the night before. Sunday takes issue with Buffy's patched jeans in particular, and when Montana Vamp suggests that the style might become popular, Sunday sneers, "Not if I kill every single person who wears them." Sunday further claims that Buffy is a "done deal" and seems to have a plan.
We see the Summers house in daylight. Buffy enters the kitchen, still favoring her injured arm. She looks around, depressed, and calls for her mother. Joyce is very surprised to see Buffy home so soon from college. They hug, and Joyce expresses concern over Buffy's bruises, but Buffy insists she's okay; she's taking the homework from Martyrdom 101 a bit too seriously. Buffy tells her mother that she came home to crash in her old room, but she's distressed to see it has been filled with packing crates. Joyce defends turning Buffy's room into an impromptu storage unit by saying she didn't think Buffy would be home for a while, but she does insist she's changed nothing else about Buffy's room. Buffy looks downcast, which I understand, because she was seeking a little comfort and was denied, but this is the point at which I would have bundled my mother up for a serious walk down Guilt Lane and extracted homemade treats, praise, and a comfy bed on the sofa. Ummm, but maybe that's just me. As Buffy exits through the kitchen, the phone rings in the first Buffy/Angel Crossover Event (hey, it had as much of a plot as the second one). Angel is on the other end, but we're not supposed to know that until the premiere of his show later in the evening, because he doesn't say anything.
Later, Buffy walks disconsolately down the dorm hall and enters her room. She's shocked to see that her side of the room has been stripped of all of her belongings. A note lies on her bare mattress: "This is all just too much for me. I have decided to take off. Sorry I didn't have time to say good-bye but I need to be by myself. Good luck this year. -- Buffy." Buffy sits on her bed and stares sadly around the room. Wearing Buffy down further by stealing all her possessions seems like an awfully deft move for a vampire. I never figured vampires were much for psychological warfare, or even strategy of any sort. But it does appear that Sunday's plan has the desired effect on Buffy.
That night at the Bronze, a Mazzy Star-esque band plays. Buffy enters alone, looking lonely and glum. She walks through the club and stares morosely at couples slow-dancing. As she looks around, she's surprised to spot a man she thinks is Angel, but when she gets a better view she realizes it's not him. As she recovers from her surprise, we hear Xander's voice say, "The whole world in front of her, and she comes back to this dive." Buffy is happy to see Xander and gives him a hug. When he admits that he's been back in Sunnydale for a few days, she demands to know why he hasn't called her. He jokes that he didn't want to help her move into her dorm room. Buffy inquires about his summer road trip, and Xander perkily says, "Grand Canyon!" and then has to admit that he only saw the movie Grand Canyon on cable. In fact, Xander's car broke down in Oxnard, and he spent the summer washing dishes at the "fabulous 'Ladies Night' club." Xander says the job went fine until the night one of the male dancers called in sick, but refuses to finish the story. He tells Buffy he's back living at his parents' house, where he "sleep[s] in the basement and [has] to pay rent." He asks Buffy how college is, and she lies and says it's good, but Xander senses her gloomy mood and calls her on it. She tells him that Willow and Oz are doing fine, but she's upset because of the fight she lost with Sunday. "Then where's the gang?" demands Xander. "Avengers assemble! Let's get it going." Buffy The Martyr says she doesn't want to bother the others, and expresses worry that she won't be a success at college. Xander The Armchair Psychologist tells her that it's understandable that she's scared, but she can't let the fear get to her. Xander stumbles through three failed comedic references to Master Yoda's "fear leads to anger" monologue from The Phantom Menace, then mercifully removes himself (and us) from the Jedi quest for a funny bit. Buffy continues to throw herself a little pity party until Xander quite sweetly tells her that when he's scared or alone he thinks to himself, "What would Buffy do?" (I'm having visions of a whole "WWBD" line of merchandise. Somebody tell Joss!) Xander tells Buffy she's his hero, and Buffy looks touched until he admits that sometimes he thinks, "What is Buffy wearing?" Yeah, Xander -- you and ninety percent of the viewing audience. Then he suggests they go "put this bitch in the ground," and Buffy thanks him for his pep talk. "And nothing says 'thank you' like dollars in the waistband," quips Xander.
We see a broken window; inside a UC Sunnydale office, Buffy and Xander are doing research. Buffy, sitting at a computer terminal, notes that just a few students disappear the same way every year. Xander, who appears to be reviewing back issues of the campus paper, expresses disgust that the vampires stole her stuff; Buffy realizes that they must be keeping the looted possessions somewhere on or near campus. Buffy tells him the disappearances began in 1982, and Xander shows her a newspaper article from 1982, covering the closing of a campus fraternity house. After a bad reconnaissance/Renaissance joke, Buffy and Xander leave to check out the abandoned fraternity house.
They approach the graffiti-covered house and climb onto the roof to peer in through a skylight. Below them, they can see the vampire squatters. The vampires are pawing through Buffy's stuff and mocking her clothes. Buffy is obviously deeply offended by this transgression of her personal boundaries and declares she needs to kill the vampires. To do this, she needs weapons, but she can't tell if they have stolen her weapons trunk. Buffy is distressed even further to see Sunday's gang tossing around Mr. Gordo, her stuffed pig. She sends Xander to find weapons and continues to stare, incensed, through the skylight. As Buffy declares that the fight between her and Sunday will go by her rules this time, the skylight gives way and Buffy drops onto the floor in front of the surprised vampire gang, landing on her already wounded arm.
Buffy slowly rises from the floor as Sunday taunts her for losing their fight the night before. Sunday snidely comments on Buffy's entrance sans weapons or plans, and Buffy begins to babble about mistakes Sunday had made until Sunday punches her in the face.
Back at Buffy's dorm room Kathy, Oz, and Willow discuss Buffy's strange disappearance. Willow exclaims that Buffy would never leave this way, but seems less sure when she recalls the summer that Buffy ran away. Kathy perkily inquires if Buffy has mental problems and then whines that she requested "a stable non-smoker" for a roommate. Oz, who has been studying the fake note (which I'm surprised Buffy didn't toss in the trash), states that it isn't Buffy's handwriting. Willow doesn't appear to hear him and exclaims that she's been a bad friend to Buffy. She demands to know how Oz can remain so calm. "Long, arduous hours of practice," deadpans Oz. Xander bursts into the room and, noting the presence of Kathy, declares Buffy's disappearance to be a "prank." He hugs Willow, and he hugs Kathy who he had never met, causing her some discomfort, and he and Oz decide they are too manly to hug. Willow asks Xander what's going on, and Xander explains that Buffy's friends "who sleep all day and have no tans" took her stuff. Nudge nudge, wink wink. Willow and Oz recognize what kind of "friends" Buffy is up against. Xander, Willow, and Oz leave the dorm to get supplies from Willow's room.
At the abandoned fraternity house, Buffy is not faring too well against Sunday, but she does spot her weapons chest in the corner. Sunday unfurls the small "Class Protector" umbrella Buffy was given by the Sunnydale senior class last year at prom and breaks it under her foot. She grabs Buffy's hurt arm, and hurts it some more, but Buffy smacks her hard in the face, and they fight. As the rest of the vampire gang tries to flee, Xander, Willow, and Oz burst in. Willow dusts Stoner Vamp with a crossbow. Montana Vamp manages to make it out alive -- as it were. Buffy tells Sunday that it was a mistake to touch her stuff; they fight some more. Sunday asks Buffy how her broken arm is feeling, and Buffy says, "Let me answer that question with a head-butt," and proceeds to administer a vicious one to Sunday's forehead. That's our little Slayer! Buffy tells Sunday her arm is hurt, not broken, and punches her so hard Sunday flies across the room. In the confusion, one of the vampire henchmen manages to escape. Oz asks Buffy if she needs any help, but she declines, twirling her stake in her hand, and challenges Sunday to a quick game of darts. With Sunday as the dartboard. Buffy gets a bulls-eye from across the room and Sunday turns to dust. Dammit -- I know that killing Sunday was essential for Buffy's morale but I was really hoping they'd keep her for a while. I think she'd have great chemistry with Spike.
The Scooby Gang exits the frat house, lugging boxes of Buffy's possessions. As they discuss all the loot left behind in the house, Giles comes running up, his hands full of weapons. The kids stare at him nonchalantly as he apologizes to Buffy and tells her that he's ready to fight by her side. Buffy thanks him and continues to walk towards her dorm. Willow asks Giles to help her with the boxes she's carrying, and Buffy looks very pleased to be surrounded by all her friends. Somewhere on campus, the vampire henchman who escaped flees through the trees. He hears rustling in the bushes, and as he looks around suspiciously, he's hit in the chest by two taser bolts. Electricity courses over his body and he falls, stunned, to the ground. Three masked commandos with guns slowly approach him as he lies incapacitated.