We open with a shot of a small, tranquil, flower-filled pond. I don't like where this is headed already. The camera pans right, and ominous music kicks in to let us know I'm not wrong. We see something that on first glance looks like a pair of alligator-skin boots, but is actually the legs of a large demon, which is holding Buffy by the neck against a tree. The demon looks like your standard B-movie Swamp Thing dealie. Buffy manages to shout, "Nerf!" I fervently hope for her to get hit in the face with a foam football, but sadly, it's not to be. Back to the left, Xander appears characteristically to have been knocked to the ground. Willow frantically looks through Buffy's bag. Realizing that "Nerf!" is I'm Being Choked, You Idiot for "knife," she grabs a knife and tosses it to Buffy from behind her (?). Buffy dispatches the demon with an ineffective-looking stab. She thanks Willow and Xander for being there, as it was "too close for comfort." Nice un-anvilicious foreshadowing there, although I could have done without the flashback to Monroe Ficus. Has there ever been a gayer name than that? They realize that the demon isn't going to combust like a vamp would, and that they'll have to bury it. Xander wonders why Faith wasn't there, but Buffy says she couldn't reach her, and that she's a little worried. "Slaying's a rough gig. Too much alone time is unhealthy." Xander asks if they're done for the day, which prompts Buffy to inquire if he has plans. The answer is a resounding "no." He says he's tried to call Cordelia numerous times, with no luck. He babbles that the incident in the factory in "Lovers Walk" was the last time he and Willow were going to kiss, and rationalizes that the whole mess is Oz's and Cordy's fault for rescuing them. Well, I'm sure they're kicking themselves for rescuing you, too. Buffy: "Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic." Buffy, considering how much time you spent visiting the moons of Spike in Season Six, I'd tone it down. Willow says that she's looking forward to school the day. Buffy thinks she's planning to distract herself with schoolwork, but Willow corrects her, saying that she's planning to beg Oz for forgiveness. She goes on that she wants to be strong, but when she thinks that she might never be close to Oz again, it's like "all the air just goes out of the room." Aw. Buffy: "I know the feeling." Yes, Angel is certainly a master of sucking the air out of the room. Xander wants to know how Buffy deals with her tough times. Buffy: "I have you guys." I hear a loud metallic CLUNK! When I look over, I see that Un-anvilicious Foreshadowing has been crushed to death by his evil twin, Anvilicious Foreshadowing. Damn.
We hear a message from Xander as, in close-up, a pair of scissors cuts up a photograph of Cordy, Xander, Willow, and Buffy. Convenient that Oz wasn't in it. We see, of course, that it's Cordy wielding the scissors. She's wearing sweatpants, so you know she's hit rock bottom. She makes an extra cut to the part of the picture with her own face on it, which I thought was an interesting detail. Messages from Xander continue to play as Cordy sniffles a bit. She puts the pieces in a small bowl and sets them on fire. The camera focuses on Xander's image burning. Credits.
Willow, standing by a row of lockers, looks around worriedly. Buffy appears and asks her how it's going. Willow babbles that Oz hasn't been to his locker. "There may be books in there that he needs, but still, he doesn't come!" Aw. Buffy asks if Xander has seen Cordelia. Willow says no, but that Amy saw her at the mall the evening, and that she looked "pretty scary."
School parking lot. I'm almost positive, although I couldn't confirm it, that the opening guitar riff from George Thorogood's "Bad To The Bone" is playing. A car pulls in, the door opens, and we see a pair of heels hit the blacktop. The camera pans up to reveal Cordy, dressed to kill in a brown leather jacket/skirt combo. I don't think it's a particularly flattering look for her, but she's definitely projecting a man-eater vibe. Down the courtyard, she sees Harmony and a few girls, to whom I'll refer as the "Harmionettes," for reasons that should be obvious. Harmony has minions! Hee. They catch sight of Cordy, who waits uncertainly. Harmony, with a sunny smile, greets Cordelia and says she looks amazing. I'm so inordinately pleased to note that Nicole Bilderback is one of the Harmionettes that I stand up and shriek, "Awesome! Oh wow! Like totally freak me out, I mean, right on!" at the TV. Ahem. She will be Whitney in the recap. From the back, Harmony pulls a girl forward and introduces her. She is, of course, Anya, with her hair looking about five thousand times healthier than in later seasons. She says, "Nice bag. Prada?" Cordy's impressed. Harmony says she couldn't believe it when she heard what happened with Xander, but that the injury time-out she took was smart, to let people forget about him. Cordy: "Xander who?" Good one. Not. They tee-hee. Whitney tells Cordy she should start dating again, and Harmony says she has someone who is "so you." They walk over to the stairs, where Jonathan is sitting. Harmony laughs that he probably won't cheat on Cordy. Not until "Superstar," at least. Cordy bows her head as Whitney and Harm titter. Anya, however, is unamused. They leave.
Oz goes to his locker. Willow, emerging from stalker position, walks up and starts babbling. Oz gives her a cursory "hey" and turns to walk away. Willow starts to apologize, but he brusquely says that she did that earlier. She offers to try to make up for what she did, but he says he needs time to figure things out. She thinks it would be better if they talked, but he calls her out, saying that he told her what he needs, and that she only wants to talk so she can feel better about herself. I give that more words than a graduate thesis. Willow's lack of self-awareness is the Energizer bunny of this show. I feel bad for her here, but she's worse than Buffy at not learning life's lessons, and that's saying something. Plus, Buffy's got that whole Slayer thing as an excuse.
Cordy, inside, spies Xander down the hall. She gets some jock's attention, and asks him to check if she has something in her teeth. From Xander's viewpoint, it sort of looks like they could be making out, but it's a pretty cheap ruse. I channel Randal in Clerks: "I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am." God, I loved him. Still, Xander buys it, as he dejectedly walks away. She asks the jock how it's going. He tells her he can't be seen with "Xander Harris's cast-off," but if she wants to "go someplace private..." the implication being that he wouldn't be adverse to dancing the Posturepedic polka with her. Cordy is stunned, and he takes off. Maybe she deserved that to blow up in her face, but it was still pretty harsh. She looks like she wants to take a bleach shower, but she's accosted by Anya. Cordy invites Anya to dump on her too, but Anya surprises her by saying that she thinks she's the only person worth hanging out with at school. Cordy asks about Harmony. Anya: "She follows me around. If that girl had an original thought her head would explode." Can't argue with that. I briefly wonder whether Anya's just putting on a good act here, or if her powers actually make her more empathetic when she needs to be. Cordy notices Anya's necklace, and asks if it's Gucci. Anya says that it's actually a family heirloom and a good-luck charm, and Cordy replies she could have used one of those pre-Xander. Anya subtly starts to work the wish mojo, but Cordy says she's not interested in wishing, just acting. Cordy, I've watched you on Angel. Stick with the wishing. She announces, "Starting now Xander Harris is going to get a bellyful of just how over him I am."
Bronze. Anya and Cordy are talking to a few guys. Anya looks great in a simple black cocktail dress. Cordy, on the other hand, has gone for the horrifying exacta of crimped hair and a red dress, with what looks like a vinyl boob area that many ladies of the evening would blush to behold. Cordy is laughing loudly, clearly aware that Xander, Buffy, and Willow are on a nearby couch. Shout-out? Speaking of which, have I ever told you the story of how I got the moniker Couch Baron? It's really the funniest story ever -- pure hilarity. And here's Sars to tell it. ["Oh, brother. Well, strictly speaking, it's just your moniker from Tomato Nation, but back in college, the two of us used to sit on this one grotty taproom couch every night and crack on people. I don't even remember where the 'Baron' part came from. Damn, that's not funny at all, is it?" -- Sars] Xander fake-laughs even harder in return, and tries to get Willow and Buffy to join in. One of the guys at Cordelia's table bears more than a passing resemblance to James Van Der Beek. Cordy, I know I've harshed on Xander in the past, but this is a huge downward move, trust me. Buffy says she's "supporto gal." Okay. Personally, I think we've seen way too many instances of females on this show being decidedly deficient in the way of "supporto," if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Anya, I'm looking at you. And also, "gal"? No wonder she started dating Riley. Buffy goes on that she feels weird about the "us versus Cordelia" thing, as she was a wronged party, and Willow agrees. Xander counters that he's through with "Guiltapalooza," and that they should enjoy themselves. Buffy and Willow see the merits of his argument, and they all smile and look around dorkily. Buffy, after about five seconds: "That didn't work. Who wants chocolate?" Willow and Xander raise their hands. Heh. Buffy leaves. Xander babbles about Cordy, and for emphasis, grabs Willow's hand, for which she chastises him. He wonders why that's a problem, as they used to engage in friendly touches all the time, but she rightly points out that things are different now, and if she hopes to get Oz back, "my hands...all my stuff has to be for him only." Xander sulks so hard that his lower lip almost decapitates a passing extra.
Buffy, in line at the counter, sees Cordy kiss Anya good night. Cordy clutches her stomach and winces slightly, then leaves. Buffy grabs her purse and follows. Outside, she catches up with Cordy, who demands to know if Xander sent her. Buffy says she's a "free agent," and asks how she is. Cordy says she's fine, and turns to go, but Buffy tells her she knows what it's like to be badly emotionally hurt, and suggests they talk about how she's feeling. Cordy, at least realizing that Buffy's been there before, seems ready to do just that when a vamp jumps out of nowhere behind Buffy. They fight. Buffy kicks him, sending him flying into Cordelia. They both fall into a pile of trash. The vamp gets back up, but Buffy quickly stakes him. Cordy gets up disgustedly. To add insult to injury, Harmony and the Harmionettes choose this moment to walk by. Cordy, apparently not caring that Buffy just saved her life, says a question has been on her mind a lot lately, namely why all these bad things happen to her. "I think I've finally figured it out! What my problem is? It's --"
"-- Buffy Summers." It's the day at school. In the courtyard, Cordy is telling this to Anya. Cordy touches her stomach again, and says she pulled some stitches thanks to Buffy, who is again sitting nearby with Willow and Xander. Harmony and the Harmionettes walk by. Harm: "Loved the look last night, Cor. Dumpster chic for the dumped?" Okay, so much for her not having an original thought -- that was freaking hilarious. Cordy looks ashamed. Anya kindly unfastens her necklace and puts it around Cordy's neck, saying she needs it right now. Hmm. I don't think this set-up was done in any other vengeance demon situation we've seen. Was it just an affectation, or a plot contrivance? Anya, by the way, has gone for a more Junior League hairdo today. It's not nearly as flattering as the pulled-back look from the day, but since her hair still looks very healthy, I don't care. Cordy says she could use some luck, and bitches about Buffy some more. Anya tries to turn the topic to Xander, but Cordy won't be deterred, saying that she never would have looked twice at Xander if it weren't for Buffy, which is almost certainly true. Anya seems interested now, and looks over at Buffy. Cordy: "I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale." Anya, now in Anyanka game face, turns back to Cordy, who gasps. Anyanka rasps, "Done!" Fade to white.
Cordy, in the same spot, looks around. Anyanka is gone. There are a lot fewer students, and they seem to be in more of a hurry. Cordy touches her stomach, which seems to be healed. She realizes her wish was granted, and surmises that Anya was a "scary, veiny good fairy." Inside, Cordy sees Harmony and the, well, Cordettes. They're all dressed a bit more, shall we say, sensibly, in various dark colors. Harmony, catching sight of Cordy, asks where she's been, and Whitney says she loves Cordy's dress, which is bright blue, by the way, and that it's "so daring." The jock from earlier appears and very politely asks Cordy to the "Winter Brunch." Cordy says she'll get back to him, and he can't believe his good luck. Harm sucks up to Cordy, who asks what the Winter Brunch is.
Class. There are only about eight students, at a glance. Who says public schools are overcrowded? The bell rings. The nervous teacher says there's no class the day because of the "monthly memorial," and leaves. Everyone starts rushing out. Cordy wonders why, but Whitney says curfew starts in an hour. Cordy ignores that and says she wants to go out, suggesting the Bronze. They look at her like she asked them all to wear tie-dye. Cordy: "Oh! The Bronze isn't cool in this reality! I've got to make these little adjustments." Heh. Although it seems a bit inconsistent that she figured out so quickly that her wish was granted, but had to be hit over the head to realize the consequences of said wish. Harm asks what's going on, saying that Cordy's wearing a "come bite me" outfit and making jokes about the Bronze. Cordy tries to cover by saying that she hit her head, and keeps forgetting stuff. She "casually" tries to ascertain that Xander and Willow are nobodies in this reality. Harm: "Well yeah. They're dead." She rolls her eyes and leaves. Cordy looks nine kinds of "Huh?"
In the empty parking lot, Cordy accosts a grounds man, asking where her car is. He retorts that students aren't allowed to drive, and that she should get in before the sun sets. I wonder why she doesn't think to stop by the library now, but her later comment to Giles makes me realize she never could have expected he'd be there. Also, I assume there was a school bus that she missed or something, because the students certainly couldn't be expected to walk home. Cordy stalks off.
Main drag. It's now dark. Sirens wail, and Cordy walks quickly, now clearly having some idea that she's in trouble. She stops suddenly in front of a very pale, very leather-clad, very hot-looking Xander. He calls her by name. Cordy, having missed not only the school bus but also the clue train, says that Harmony told her he was dead. Xander is playing menacing well, but I'm the tiniest bit distracted from his performance by the sparkly white necklace he's wearing. Cordy tells him that they need to find Buffy, because she'll figure out a way to save them. Xander: "Buffy. The Slayer?" Cordy confirms that. The original utterance of possibly the most famous line ever spoken on this show cuts in: "Boorrred now." We see a pair of leather-clad legs, and the camera pans up to show a very pale Willow, sporting her notorious leather cat-suit-type creation. She kittenishly (hee) goes on that "this is the part that's less fun, when there isn't any screaming." Cordy, still reading the situation on a second-grade comprehension level, asks what the deal with the leather is. Xander and Willow canoodle a bit, prompting Cordy to screech that she can't win, since even in "Bizarroland," Xander and Willow are an item. If you look closely in the background, you can see a Sunnydale Gazette with the front page: "Xander Harris. Vampire!" Xander agrees with the "can't win" sentiment, and vamps out. "But I'll give you a head start." Cordy gasps and runs. She does get a few points back for ditching her bag. Xander, in no hurry, macks with Willow. Cordy runs, but Xander catches her and throws her to the ground, knocking her out. Willow grouses that she didn't even fight. We hear the squeal of tires. Xander: "Aw, swell. It's the white hats." A van pulls up, and Giles, Larry, and a random girl we later find out is named Nancy pile out and fend Willow and Xander off with stakes and crosses. Nancy's real-life husband is Giovanni Ribisi, according to the IMDb. That's for the three of you who care. Oz is in the driver's seat, holding a crossbow. Larry and Nancy retrieve Cordelia, and they all drive off.
Library. Cordy is still unconscious, but Giles says her pulse is strong. Nancy bitches about Cordy's outfit, saying that vamps are attracted to bright colors. Since when? If that were true, Willow would have died several times over in Seasons Three and Four, I'm sure. Larry: "That's Cordelia. It's better to look good than to feel alive." Giles instructs the kids to guard the perimeter.
Exterior of the Bronze. Aggressive rock plays as Xander and Willow, their arms around each other, approach. It's a gruesome scene. Vamps are feeding off people. Inside, people are in cages. One is chained to the pool table. Xander runs one finger down the pool table guy's upper torso. Hmm, that makes me wonder -- more on that later. Xander and Willow walk through some curtains to the inner sanctum, where they find the Master, who asks if they're hungry. He picks a dazed girl up off the floor, and complains that she keeps looking at him while he's trying to feed. Hee. Willow looks eager, and vamps out. He tosses the girl to her, and she digs in. The Master nostalgically says that he remembers that bloodlust, and asks for news. Xander relates what happened with Cordelia. The Master says that Giles will be dealt with, but gets agitated when he hears that Cordy mentioned the Slayer. Willow rejoins them. The Master: "The plant begins operation in less than twenty-four hours. You will find this girl. You will kill her before she contacts the Slayer, or I'll see you two kissing daylight."
Cordy comes to and babbles to Giles about the wish she made. She says that Buffy should be there, and, as gears grind, she asks why he's there, as he was Buffy's Watcher. He's startled, as he never told anyone that he was a Watcher. He hears a faint noise, which sends him to the cage for weapons. He grabs a cross and a stake. Turning, he tells her to start her story again, but the cage door slams in his face. Willow, vamped out, taunts him. Xander, also in game face and holding Cordelia: "Not too bright, book guy." Sadly, I'm forced to agree. Giles slams the cross against the cage, and Willow backs up, snarling. Xander: "So you're a Watcher, huh? Watch this." He bites Cordy. Willow joins in. The camera spins around them. Willow and Xander hold each other, and it's very sensual and horrifying at the same time -- sort of like reading fanfic. Giles watches helplessly. The vamps disengage, and Cordy falls to the floor. They smile at Giles and leave, Willow tossing the key to the cage to the floor as they go.
You've Got Mail. I've made my feelings about that movie clear in another recap, so I'll confine my comments to this: Blech.
Giles hacks at the cage lock with an axe until it gives. He drops to the ground to check on Cordy, but she's dead. Oz and Larry rush in, saying the vamps hit them outside, and that Nancy is dead. Giles momentarily looks like he's going to break, but recovers to ask them to take Cordy's corpse to the incinerator. Somewhat in shock, they pick her up, but Giles instructs them to stop when he catches sight of the pendant around her neck. I really don't understand why this hasn't shown up in later episodes. Maybe because it didn't make much sense. Hrumph. Giles takes the necklace, and Larry and Oz leave.
The Master pours and daintily drinks a cappuccino. Heh. Willow and Xander return, and inform him that Cordelia is dead, Xander saying the deed was too easy. Willow: "I felt cheap." Maybe you should consider changing your outfit, hon. She sucks up (heh) to the Master, and asks him if she can play with "the puppy." He hands her some keys and tells her to knock herself out.
Giles, on the phone. He's talking to Buffy's Watcher, saying he needs to see her. Apparently Buffy's been dusting vamps in Cleveland, about which Giles gets a little snooty. Buffy's Watcher doesn't know where she is, and Giles hangs up in frustration.
Establishing daytime shots of the town and the Bronze. Willow walks by a cell, repeating her "bored now" line. She complains how annoying daytime is. We see a male figure in the fetal position facing away from the camera. Willow, holding a pair of scissors, addresses him as "puppy," notes that he's quiet, and tells him not to be a spoilsport. She's really quite menacing with her baby voice -- it's a lot less irritating than her normal baby voice. She straddles the "puppy" and pulls his head up. It's Angel, of course. She exposits a bit about the plant, saying that all the people he tried to save are going to die. She licks his face. I thought he was supposed to be the puppy. "It's gonna be quick for them. Not for you, though. It's gonna be slow for you. That's right, puppy" -- she throws him down -- "Willow's gonna make you bark." Yow. What time was this show broadcast again? She rips his shirt open to reveal some nasty-looking scars and burns. Mistress Of Pain, anyone? Speaking of which, Angel's clearly in a lot of pain, and Willow muses that perhaps she went too hard on him the last time. Behind her, someone lights a match and tosses it onto Angel's bare chest. It's Xander: "Too hard? No such thing." Willow admonishes him to be careful, as he almost got her hair. He apologizes, and tosses a box of matches to her. She asks if he doesn't want to. "No thanks, baby. I just want to watch you go." She smiles and lights another match. Considering that (1) he's getting off on watching the bare-chested Angel take it "hard," and (2) it's implied that he's been in Willow's current physical position with Angel before, I have a strong suspicion that Willow isn't the only member of this pair to have taken a walk on the wild side, if you catch my drift. Perhaps ME was just keeping their options open as to which character to make gay.
Library. Oz is working on a crossbow when Giles exclaims that he's found a reference to the pendant, saying it's a symbol of Anyanka. Oz: "I don't think I know her." At least some things never change. Giles explains that Anyanka is a "patron saint of scorned women." That's a little less severe than "vengeance demon." He tells them what Cordy said to him before she was killed. Larry: "Okay, the entire world sucks because some dead ditz made a wish?" Giles reluctantly nods. Larry: "I just want to be clear." They needed this guy on the show more often. Although, from what I've read, the actor's views on homosexuality make Kerr Smith's look progressive, so maybe I'll retract that statement. Giles says he needs to research Anyanka further with some volumes that he has at home. Oz: "Watch your back."
Giles drives home. He sees some vamps loading several people into a large truck. The words "Sunnydale Loves Recycling" are written on the side of the truck, which in the context of the factory is both clever and hilarious. Giles hastily grabs a large cross and stake and gets out. He fends off the vamps with the cross, and instructs the people to run, which they do. He turns to head back to his car, but a vamp hits him in the face with one of the truck doors, and he falls to the ground. Two vamps set upon him, but we hear another vamp combust off-screen. Yet another vamp goes flying into the picture, and the two holding Giles rush into the fray. A little more off-screen-fu, and it's just Giles. "Just Giles!" Who wouldn't go see that? He looks up. The camera pans up a sensible outfit of dark green cargo pants, a black jacket, and a gray tank top. Giles: "Buffy Summers?" We see Buffy, hair pulled back in a braid, with a mean-looking scar on her upper lip. "That's right. Want to tell me what I'm doing here?" She makes Faith look sunny and sweet, I tell you what.
The Faculty. Hee. Oh, come on, it's so bad it's funny.
Buffy waits impatiently as Giles researches. He discovers that to defeat Anyanka, one must destroy her power center, which will "reverse all the wishes she's granted, rendering her mortal and powerless again." I wish they'd written that passage differently, because there's no way all the wishes she granted could be reversed without drastic changes to the original Buffyverse -- it simply defies probability. Plus, I don't think Giles would have gone through with it if he thought it would reverse all the wishes; it would be too risky. Giles: "I'd say that my Watcher muscles haven't completely atrophied after all." He smiles. Aw. Buffy's less than impressed, pointing out that they don't know what her power center is. She suggests staking Anyanka: "You'd be surprised how many things that'll kill." Hmm. I had a sudden flash to Faith staking the Deputy Mayor in "Bad Girls." Giles says he's only interested in reversing the wish. Buffy says she's taking a lot on faith, and calls him "Jeeves." Wouldn't it be cool if that search engine were called "Ask Giles"? Well, I think it would be. She goes on: "World is what it is. We fight; we die. Wishing doesn't change that." First, props to Chyna for correcting me on that first line. Second, Buffy sure isn't whining about her calling in this reality, is she? Giles says that he believes what Cordelia told him, and that the Master sent "his most vicious disciples" to kill her. The mention of the Master gets Buffy's attention. Giles explains that he lives in an old club. Buffy is astonished. "You know where he lives and no one's ever tried to take him out?" Giles, icily: "People have tried." Buffy says she'll take care of him. Giles tries to slow her down, but she won't hear him. "I don't play well with others. Now I'm gonna ask you this once and then I'm gonna get testy. Where's this club?"
Buffy looks around the Bronze, not fazed in the slightest by the carnage. Downstairs, she observes Angel whimpering in his cell. She turns away, but he calls her by name. He stammers that he was supposed to help her. Referring to "The Harvest," he says that the Master rose, and has been torturing him since. Minor point, but I guess we're to assume that Luke and Darla were somehow taken care of in the time since. He continues, "I kept hoping maybe you'd come...my destiny." Buffy: "Is this a 'get in my pants' thing?" Ha! It's nice to know that ToughBuffy isn't into the whole "soulmates" thing. Oops. Sorry for mentioning that verboten word, Sars. She asks where the Master is, and he responds that he's at the factory, and that he could take her there. It seems a little unlikely that Willow or anyone else would have divulged so much information about the factory, but that's a nitpick. She eyes him for a moment, then kicks in the cell door. When she leans over to free him from his bonds, however, her cross dangles close to his face, and he recoils. She's disgusted, and starts to leave, but he tells her he won't hurt her. Standing up, he opens his shirt, revealing his scars. "You don't believe I want to help you. Believe I want him dead." Buffy looks convinced.
Factory. The Master, up on a stage with Xander and Willow, is giving a rousing speech about the wonders of technology. He goes on that some have pooh-poohed "such an advancement. They claim that death is our art." I only put that in because in "Fool For Love" Spike tells Buffy that death is her art, which brings up the question of how deeply the Slayer's power is rooted in darkness. Then again, we also know that death is her gift, so maybe I'll shut up now. Numerous humans, including Whitney, Larry, and Oz, are in a large wooden cage. The Master continues, "I say to them -- well, I don't say anything to them because I killed them." Hee. He's so petty. He says that a human concept, mass production, will aid them in taking over the world. Xander, choked up: "We really are living in a golden age." Heh.
Giles puts some herbs into a smoking golden goblet. He recites an incantation to bring forth Anyanka. The camera slowly pans right, and we see her in the darkness under the stairs. She steps forward and croaks, "Do you have any idea what I do to a man who uses that spell to summon me?" Giles looks like he has a couple of ideas, and they ain't pretty.
The Master orders them to get the show on the road. Some vamps open the cage and grab a screaming Whitney. They drag her to a conveyor belt, stun her, and load her on. This part's pretty gross, so here's the short version: The whole set-up is to extract blood from still-alive human victims. The caged humans look horrified. We see that Buffy and Angel are now on the scene, and are observing from the back. Angel: "What's the plan?" Buffy, holding up a stake: "Don't fall on this." Ha! A vamp pours a glass of blood from a tap, which is pretty funny, and brings it to the Master. As he does, Buffy and Angel sneak forward, and then Angel disappears to the side. The Master raises his glass and toasts the future. As everyone echoes the toast, Buffy raises her crossbow with one hand and fires at him. Moving quickly, he grabs Xander, who takes the bolt in his shoulder. Buffy aims at someone else, but the crossbow is knocked away. Mayhem ensues. Angel clocks the vamp guarding the cage, and lets the humans out. Another nitpick: Angel seems pretty strong for what he went through. Had they been feeding him at all? Maybe Buffy gave him a taste. Ew, not like that. Angel and Buffy fight in different parts of the room. Oz breaks off a piece of wood, leaving a sharp piece sticking out, which will be important quite soon. Willow: "Uh-oh. The puppy got out." She and Xander leap into the fray.
Anyanka slowly approaches Giles, who asks what Cordelia wished for. Anyanka says she had no idea her wish would be so exciting. "Brave new world. I hope she likes it." Beyond the grave, William Shakespeare and Aldous Huxley arm-wrestle for the shout-out.
Buffy-fu.
Giles tells Anyanka to reverse the wish. "I'm not afraid of you. Your only power lies in the wishing." Anyanka grabs him by the throat and shoves him against a wall. "Wrong!" When are these people going to learn that it's never a good idea to challenge demons to demonstrate their powers? Although I have to say, I certainly never would have called these two making out three years later. That's television for you.
Buffy knocks Willow away, then gives Xander a three-part introduction to her right knee. He gets back up very quickly, though. From afar, Angel sees that Xander has picked up a discarded crossbow bolt and is coming at Buffy. Angel bounds across and punches Xander away, but takes the bolt in the heart. Turning to the camera, he winces and yelps, "Buffy..." before disintegrating. Buffy determinedly continues to fight, as, starting in voice-over but continuing in Giles's apartment, Anyanka rasps, "This is the real world now. This is the world we made. Isn't it wonderful!" Giles struggles.
At the factory, the action goes half-speed as an ovary starts wailing, drowning out the sound from the fighting. Cue up my tears -- I think this is one of the five most powerful scenes ever on this show. Xander takes a swing at Buffy, but she blocks it and stakes him, turning away before he combusts. I love that bit of direction -- it really emphasizes how poignant it is that none of them knew what they were missing. Across the room, Willow, who may or may not have seen Xander die, tries to rejoin the fight, but is grabbed by Larry and Oz. They pull her toward the sharp wooden protrusion. Oz throws her into it, and with a shocked, and possibly even saddened, look, she turns to dust. Buffy's foot connects with a vamp, and then she turns to stare at the Master. He comes down from the stage, and they push people and vamps alike out of the way to get to each other.
Anyanka still holds Giles. The stone in the pendant glows a bright green. Giles manages to grab it and backhand her in the face.
Buffy and the Master engage each other.
Giles puts the pendant on the table and grabs a marble paperweight. Anyanka rasps, "You trusting fool! How do you know the other world is any better than this?" Giles, his voice breaking: "Because it has to be."
The Master stuns Buffy with a punch to the face, and quickly grabs her.
Giles raises the marble paperweight up high. Anyanka: "No!"
The Master puts a hand and an arm around Buffy's head.
Giles's arm descends.
The Master snaps Buffy's neck.
The marble smashes the stone.
The Master gives an in-your-face look. Buffy's corpse falls away. Fade to white.
Back in the original reality, Cordy wishes Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. Anya turns. "Done." Only it's Anya, not Anyanka. Cordy brightens. "That would be cool!" I love that line -- it takes me right out of the misery of the scene. Cordy rattles off a few more wishes, and Anya, increasingly frustrated, keeps saying, "Done!" Hee. Music kicks up as we see Buffy, Xander, and Willow chatting and laughing. The end.
I know you all must be scared that this is the second A+ I've given a Marti Noxon episode. What can I say? She could really write back then. This was a brilliant twist on It's A Wonderful Life. Maybe I'll confine my bitching about her to Season Sux. Sigh.