Revelations

The Bronze. Dingoes are performing. Man, Devon really doesn't have a good voice. He's like an off-key Gavin Rossdale. Or so I got from the five seconds I heard him singing. And camouflage pants? You can practically see the "Bad Idea" label on them. "Yeah, I'm going to sing at the Bronze, quit high school, go on the Popstars / Making The Band / American Idol tour, and sign a record deal." Bad Idea. Then again, Simon Cowell would probably sleep with him, so maybe all's not lost. The band finishes its set, and Oz hops down to join Willow, Xander, and Cordelia, who are sitting at a table. The place is very crowded, and Oz is forced to squeeze in. Willow and Xander look very uncomfortable at being pushed closer to each other, and Xander moves closer to Cordelia. She asks, "Xander, why are you giving me a lap dance?" I need to rid myself of that image. Oh good, there's Oz again. Willow and Xander nervously extol the virtues of committed relationships, and then reach for the same drink and knock it over. Cordelia asks why they're so hyper, but Willow none-too-deftly shifts the topic to Buffy, saying she's been off by herself a lot and "distracted." She's just noticing this now? Cordelia speculates that Buffy might have a new boyfriend, and Willow wonders why she wouldn't tell them. Cordy: "Excuse me? When your last steady killed half the class and then your rebound guy sends you a dump-o-gram, it makes a girl shy." Yeah, especially when she's back with the steady. And: "dump-o-gram." Hee. Xander still opines that she'd tell them, which is Buffy's cue to appear at his side and ask, "Tell you what?" Willow: "About your new boyfriend who we made up -- unless we didn't." Buffy: "This was a topic of discussion?" Oz: "Well, raised, but never discussed." Aw, they were so cute back then. And I love how Oz considers a subject to be optional in his sentences. Cordy presses the issue, and Buffy brightly allows, "I am going out with somebody. Tonight, as a matter of fact." Willow asks who, and Faith appears and puts her arm around Buffy. Hello, slashy goodness! Buffy: "Really, we're just good friends." Boy, a few more exchanges like that and I may have to start a HoYay! thread on the Buffy boards. Buffy and Faith take off.

Two vamps knock Buffy and Faith on their backs in a graveyard. They make with the fighting. Giles sits on a stone bench, watching the action somewhat idly. It's fun to watch SMG and ED fight side by side, as they have very different styles. SMG favors tight, quick moves, where ED is flashier and uses a lot of moves that take more time but impart more power. It's also fun to watch them fight each other, as we'll see later. Buffy and Faith eventually herd the vamps toward each other, and simultaneously stake them. They high-five each other on their "synchronized slaying" (hee) and ask Giles what he thought. A sharp female voice cuts through the air: "Sloppy." They turn to look at the speaker, who is a very schoolmarmish-looking Serena Scott Thomas, sister of Kristin. What should I call her? Sistin, for "sister of Kristin"? Nah. Krister, for "Kristin's sister"? Yeah, I think that'll be it. Krister continues, "You telegraph punches, leave blind sides open, and for a school-night slaying, take entirely too much time. Which one of you is Faith?" Faith: "That depends. Who the hell are you?" Krister: "Gwendolyn Post, Mrs. Your new Watcher." No, it's Krister. Learn it, live it, love it. Faith and Buffy look at each other bemusedly, and Giles stares, frozen, Styrofoam cup raised halfway to his mouth. Hee! Credits.

Commercial for the new Psycho. Boy, if only that had really happened to Anne Heche.

The Slayers and Watchers are in the library. Faith is of the opinion that she doesn't need a new Watcher. She says that authority figures in her life have the tendency to "end up kinda dead." So how the hell did we get stuck with Wesley for the last three and a half years? Krister informs her that the decision isn't hers. She then asks Giles where he keeps the rest of the books, the "actual library." He doesn't answer, and she titters to herself. He assures her that he has the finest occult reference collection -- "this side of the Atlantic, I'm sure," she finishes for him. She names a couple of selections, and he mumbles that they're on order. Man, we're five minutes in, and this woman is totally bitch-slapping Giles. After needling him a bit more, Krister announces again that she is to act as Faith's Watcher, and to "report back." Faith bristles again, but Giles stops her and says they'll cooperate. Krister twists the knife further by saying that the Council "wishes [her] to report on the entire situation here, including [Giles]." Buffy: "Academic probation's not so funny today, huh Giles?" He looks at her balefully. Krister continues, "The fact is, there is talk in the Council that you have become a bit too -- American." Giles: "Me?" Buffy: "Him?" Me: "My husband?" Oh, sorry, was that my outside voice? Krister, not giving anyone a chance to breathe, informs them that a demon named Lagos is coming to Sunnydale, and asks Giles for an illustration of Lagos. Giles fumbles about for one, and Krister snarks, "Perhaps later." Man, this woman's good. She's intellectually emasculating Giles, which seems to me to be the equivalent of making The Rock feel physically intimidated. Krister goes on to say that Lagos is seeking the Glove of Mynhegon, a weapon of untold power, and that he must be stopped. Giles asks what she proposes, and she smirks, "Well, if it's not too radical a suggestion, I thought we might kill him." Excuse me a minute. Okay, I'm back. I went back and counted the number of times Krister has bitch-slapped Giles in this episode. So far, the number is six. She says that the glove is believed to be buried in a tomb in Sunnydale, so she suggests that the Slayers search the cemetery. Giles informs her that there are twelve cemeteries within the city limits. She says they'll take them one at a time. "Anything in your books that might pinpoint the exact location of the tomb would be useful, but then, we cannot ask for miracles." Anyone got anything snarkier to say than that? Because I got nothin', except to say that the bitch-slap count is now seven. She says that they'll begin the evening, and summons Faith to go with her as she leaves. Giles, clearly still a bit shaken: "That was bracing." Buffy: "Interesting lady. Can I kill her?" Giles says no, and asks if she'd like to do some training.

Cut to Buffy and Angel at the mansion, doing T'ai Chi. He's shirtless. Again. I'm really starting to come around to Strega's viewpoint on this. I think it could be summed up like so: "Put a damn shirt on, buddy. What the hell did I ever do to you?" He puts his arms around her as part of the exercise. That was about as subtle as that trick where you're sitting on the couch with someone, pretend to stretch, and put your arm around him or her. I used to go around chopping people's arms off that did that. It's how I got my nickname. Okay, not really, but I should remember that story the time some jerk tries to hit on me. Anyway, they almost kiss, but Buffy pulls away, saying she has to go, and that she'd "better hurry before someone figures out what we're doing." Angel: "What are we doing?" Well, you're putting on a shirt, finally. But it wasn't in time to prevent this conversation from happening:

Couch Baron: Hi, Strega? I'm glad I got you. I just wanted to tell you I totally agree with you that Angel should keep his clothes on. I mean, when was the last time that guy did a sit-up?
Strega: So let me get this straight. You call me during the summer, when I could blissfully hope that Angel would stay at the bottom of the ocean, fully clothed, for all eternity, to fill my head with the image of him naked?
Couch Baron: Wow, when you put it that way, you must --
Strega: Hate you? Yeah, I do.

See the pain and misery that caused? Buffy says that they were "trainingand almost kissing." She says it's a bad habit that needs to be broken. Angel: "It's hard." I'll just bet it is, buddy. And, ew. I grossed myself out again. Sometimes being so snarky is a liability. The sexual tension rises (ew!) until Angel tells Buffy to go. Buffy offhandedly mentions Lagos, which seems to ring a bell with Angel, although she doesn't notice. He distractedly tells her to be careful. She leaves.

Library. Giles agitatedly tells Willow and Xander that he can't find anything about Lagos, and commands them to help. Xander: "Hey, you're not the Watcher of me." Giles: "Then go home. But if you choose to stay, then work." He stomps off. A Giles temper tantrum! It would have been funnier if Giles had gone all Ripper and stuck a lit cigarette in Xander's eye. Or better yet, a frickin' yellow crayon.

Willow and Xander grouse to each other about being tired. They sit in the stacks, and Willow starts moaning and rubbing her temples. The Guitar Of Infidelity starts a-strumming as Xander rubs them too. She insincerely tells him to stop, then grabs him and starts with the macking. We see Giles's legs appear behind them. He calls their names, and they pull apart and get to their feet. With his back to them, he tells them that he found the probable location of the glove: the von Hauptmann family crypt. Xander says he knows where that is, in the Restfield cemetery, and Willow asks how he found the glove's location. He busts her: "I looked." His meaning plain, Willow looks chastened. Xander volunteers to check out the crypt, and I can't believe Giles lets him go alone, but he does. Willow says she'll keep researching, but Giles isn't having it: "I'd say we're done." He walks away. He so knew what they were doing, even if he didn't see it. Willow looks distraught.

Faith is telling Buffy about the guys she's dated. One was a "deadbeat," another a "klepto." The one's problem, she says contemptuously, was that he was a "drummer." Ha! That cracked me up. Probably because one of my best friends dated a drummer, and he was a complete deadbeat loser. Wouldn't have surprised me if he were a klepto, too. Sars, remember him? ["Ah yes -- Wrongo Starr. How could I forget?" -- Sars] Faith goes on that she only uses men for sex now, because "you can't trust guys." I smell a bit of ironic foreshadowing. Faith asks Buffy about her love life, saying, "You boinked the undead. What was that like?" Hee. Hee. That gives me an idea:

Couch Baron: Okay, guys. Death Is Not An Option, with people who resemble the undead. Let's all pool names. I'll start: Donald Pleasence, circa You Only Live Twice.
Sars: Ew. Just because you like Bond movies. Peter Cushing, as Grand Moff Tarkin.
Shack: Ew. You would pick a Star Wars actor. Dick Clark.
Aaron: Ew. You would pick him: American Bandstand, American Idol. Let's seeEd Begley Jr.
Couch Baron, Sars, and Shack: That's so not right. We're never playing this game again.

Buffy says that talking about Angel is hard for her, but Faith encourages her to try. Buffy, slightly sharply, says she'd rather not, and ED does a great job of making Faith look ever-so-slightly hurt at Buffy's refusal to confide in her. Faith suggests that since they're "oh for six" on cemeteries, they pack it in. Buffy's tired, but thinks that maybe they should hit Shady Hill before they call it a night. Faith says that one is on her way home. Buffy's worried about Faith going alone, but Faith says she's already got one babysitter, and she doesn't need another. They say good night.

Faith, entering the graveyard, sees Lagos looking in a coffin, his back to her. He's got a mean-looking axe on his back, and he's butt-ugly. She attacks him, but he's super-strong, and he throws her to the ground. She comes at him again, but he sends her back to the mat with a vicious punch. He can't find the glove, and leaves in a huff as Faith watches, too hurt to get up.

Cut to the Restfield cemetery, where Xander is talking to himself. "Hey Giles, here's a nifty idea. Why don't I alleviate my guilt by going out and getting myself really, really killed?" Hey buddy, you said it, not me. Oh, lighten up, I'm kidding. Sort of. He hears a noise coming out of the von Hauptmann crypt, and takes cover. Angel emerges, holding something wrapped in cheesecloth. He walks off, with Xander following him.

Xander tiptoes down the steps to the mansion. He goes to a window, and sees Buffy and Angel making out. At least he's a non-judgmental, sympathetic friend -- oh, wait. Well, at least he likes Angel, so -- oh, wait. This isn't going to be pretty, is it?

Buffy and Angel mack some more, then pull away. She laments coming there, but Angel says that it's good she did. He unwraps the cheesecloth, which contains the glove. It's a large, metal, spiky-looking thing, with teeth around the opening. Buffy: "World's ugliest fashion accessory." I don't know, Buffy; it would have improved a few of your ensembles. She reaches for the glove, but Angel tells her that once it's on, it can never be taken off. Buffy: "So, no touching. Kinda like us." I'd prefer the kissing over a whinge-fest. I know it's a tough call. Buffy says she'll tell Giles in the morning. "At least he'll be happy. Or possibly he'll pass on one of the many bitch-slaps he's received in this episode." Yeah, well, she should have said that last part.

Giles and Krister, at his apartment. Giles is excited to find an illustration of the Glove of Mynhegon, but Krister explains that the illustration is based on "very sketchy and unreliable folk legends. The pictures are fun to look at, Mr. Giles, but one really ought to read the nice words as well." See my earlier comments about her level of snarkiness. I. Got. Nothin'. Giles, the picture of wounded dignity, goes to get the tea that's on the stove. Krister says that she knows he finds her tiresome, but "a person slips up on the little things and soon everything's gone to hell in a hand basket. For example, Buffy, your Slayer." The count is now nine. Giles assures her that Buffy is no problem, which is Xander's cue to bust in, saying, "Giles, we have a big problem. It's Buffy." Krister gives Giles a priceless look, and he agitatedly takes Xander aside. Krister sardonically offers her assistance, but Giles says it's unnecessary. Poor Giles. He just can't catch a break, can he? Maybe he could use some stress relief. Hey, Sars, where're you going?

Library. Buffy walks in, saying she found the glove, but upon seeing Giles, Willow, Oz, Xander, and Cordelia staring at her, she wonders, "What's with all the tragedy masks?" Geez, and Angel's not even there. Giles asks her to sit down, and tells her that they know Angel is alive. Willow says that no one's blaming her, but that she needs help. Buffy says it's not what they think. Xander: "Hope not. 'Cause I think you're harboring a vicious killer." Great. "Dead Man's Party" redux. Willow admonishes him to use only statements beginning with "I think" or "I feel." Cordy: "Fine! Here's one. I feel worried. About me! Last time around, Angel barely laid a hand on Buffy. He was way more interested in killing her friends!" I'll give her that. Direct, and not self-righteous. Just like when she dumps Xander. Oh wait, that's the episode. Xander keeps riding the self-righteous train until Buffy snits that she doesn't need an intervention. Giles: "Oh, don't you? You must have known it was wrong seeing Angel, or you wouldn't have hidden it from all of us." Buffy, less assuredly, says she was going to tell them, but she didn't know why he came back, and she thought it was better to wait. Xander: "For what? For Angel to go psycho again the time you give him a 'happy'?" Buffy says that she and Angel aren't a couple, but Oz points out that they were kissing. Buffy can't believe Xander spied on her, but Cordy defends him. Buffy says she's not putting them in any danger. "If I thought for a second that Angel was going to hurt anyone --" Xander butts in: "You'd stop him. Like you did last time with Miss Calendar." I take back what I said before about kidding that I wanted Xander dead. What a fucking asshole. Just because you're somewhat funny and sympathetic one minute doesn't give you the right to turn into an insufferable dickhead the minute the chips are down. And, way to have any sensitivity for Giles's feelings. That was just tacky and awful. Hope you feel better about cheating on your girlfriend now! Buffy's face reflects my rant. Willow: "Buffy, I feel that when it comes to Angel, you can't see straight. And that's why we're all gonna help you face this." Buffy tries to defend Angel again, and the situation deteriorates until Willow panickedly says, "Giles, no one's doing the 'I' statements!" Giles calls a halt to the bickering, saying that Buffy's actions, "however ill-advised, can be understood." He says that their priority is to retrieve and destroy the glove. He dismisses them, and walks into his office.