Dead Man's Party

Those of you who read the recap for "Anne" may have noticed that I was kind of hard on Marti Noxon. Well, here's her chance to win me over, because she wrote this episode. And I bet she will, too! Heh. Hee. Hoo hoo. BWA HA HA HA HA! WHUMP! Sorry, I fell out of my chair laughing. Where was I? Oh, the recap. Heh. Ha. Sorry, I'll stop now. Hee.

Previouslys. They contain the relevant scenes from the two episodes immediately preceding. The Buffyverse sure has been full of shiny happy people lately.

Buffy is unpacking. In a nice continuity touch, she appears to be unpacking the same bag she took on the bus at the end of "Becoming". She is, however, wearing barrettes in her hair that weren't there at the end of "Anne." But it's not impossible that she would have felt the need for a little hairstyle change, so overall I give the scene a B for continuity.

Continuity: A "B," huh? That's the highest grade I've gotten in a long time.
Couch Baron: You're not kidding. I mean, this episode aired three and a half years ago. I never see you in the shows I watch anymore. What have you been doing?
Continuity: Hanging out with Sars, mostly. She's been in a much better mood since she stopped recapping Dawson's Creek. We still watch it and play drinking games -- I have to drink for continuity errors, she has to drink for every anvil. We've never made it to the closing credits.
Couch Baron: Dude, don't you take any pride in your work?
Continuity: Look who's talking. I mean, you're recapping a whole conversation with me.

Buffy grabs a jacket and walks into Joyce's bedroom. Joyce, hammering a nail into the wall, jumps when Buffy addresses her and drives the pointed end of the hammer into the wall, producing the first of many awkward moments this episode. Joyce tries to break the tension by showing Buffy what she was preparing to hang on the wall -- a primitive Nigerian mask, replete with very large teeth. Joyce says she's doing it to cheer up the room, but Buffy says it better than I could: "It's angry at the room, Mom. It wants the room to suffer." Hee. The tension quickly returns when Joyce notices that Buffy has a jacket with her. Buffy haltingly explains that she'd like to find Xander and Willow. Joyce, with a too-eager smile: "Will you be slaying?" Buffy thinks not. Incidentally, Joyce's progressive attempts to understand Buffy's slaying are endearing. Ah, likable characters. It's been a while. And don't get your hopes up for the rest of this episode, by the way. Joyce clearly isn't sure whether to encourage Buffy to go, but eventually does just that, saying, "I just want things to get back to normal." Of course, "normal" on this show means that some evil being is plotting the grisly death of your daughter. So perhaps a few adjustments to the word "normal" are in order. Buffy beats a retreat.

Buffy's walking in an alley when she hears a noise. Rounding a corner, she sees a man in a black jacket walking away from her. She approaches him, but loudly steps on a can. He whirls, and it's Xander, brandishing a stake and wearing a very oversized cross. In the same motion, he attempts to stake her, but she's prepared and deftly blocks the attack. She cracks a joke, but he's absolutely floored to see her. As he regains his composure, he smiles, and is about to say something when a vamp busts out of a nearby crate and attacks them. Buffy is getting the upper hand when she's distracted by Cordelia's voice coming from a walkie-talkie on Xander's belt. Buffy, in disbelief, repeats what Cordy called him: "Night Hawk?" Hee. This gives the vamp a chance to recover. He drops Xander and is wrestling with Buffy when the other teens come running up. Willow and Cordy attempt to hold the vamp while Oz presumably tries to stake it. The direction in this scene seems a little off, however, as Oz basically stands there while the vamp kicks him to the ground and then sends Willow to join him. Cordy goes flying into Buffy, and in a normal, bright voice says hello. Buffy throws her to the ground. Hee. It was for her own safety, as the vamp was rushing them, but it was still funny. Buffy dusts the vamp and turns to face her friends. She half-cheerily says, "Hey guys!" as they look on inscrutably. Credits.

The gang is outside Giles's apartment. Buffy hems and haws, but finally knocks. Giles opens the door, and fixes Buffy with a long look. Buffy clearly doesn't know what to say, but Xander saves her: "Check it out -- the Watcher's back on the clock. And just when you were thinking career change, maybe becoming a looker, or a seer." Aw. Giles shushes Xander and welcomes Buffy home. Cut to everyone sitting in Giles's living room. Giles goes to the kitchen for a fresh pot of tea. Oz informs Buffy that she's no longer wanted for murder. Xander asks, "So, where were you? Belgium?" Buffy: "Why would I go to Belgium?" Xander: "I think the relevant question is why wouldn't you?" He chuckles, and repeats "Belgium" in a funny voice. Again, aw. Xander is being so cute here that I can't believe what an ass he's going to be later in the episode. Cut to Giles in the kitchen, the kids talking in the background. His face breaks, and ASH does a great job of letting happiness, relief, and sadness simultaneously wash over his face. He manages to recover, and rejoins the others. Cordy and Xander want to know about Buffy's summer, but Giles calls them off. Incidentally, when Giles puts down the tea, there's a nice shot of Oz, Willow, Buffy, and Xander all sitting side by side on the couch (shout-out?), perhaps signifying their unreadiness to face each other. Or whatever, to quote Sharon Cherski. Willow seems particularly discomfited, as she hasn't yet said a word in this scene. Buffy finally asks Willow to go shopping with her the following day. Willow is less than enthused, but assents. Buffy seems not to be clued in to Willow's mood, which is a consistent theme in later episodes, especially in Season Four, as Ace and Sep have pointed out. Giles mentions Buffy's expulsion, and Buffy exposits that she and Joyce have a meeting with "His Ugliness" the day.

Cut to said meeting, where Snyder is being very snarky and deriving pleasure from keeping Buffy out of school. Joyce tries to appeal to him as an educator, but he opines that "I'm quite sure that a girl with the talents and abilities of Buffy will land on her feet. In fact, I noticed as I came in this morning that Hot Dog On A Stick is hiring. You will look so cute in that little hat." You say "Hot Dog On A Stick," I say "Doublemeat Palace." ["But we wish you wouldn't." -- Sars] And oh, burn. Joyce sticks her chin out and says, "If I have to, I'll go all the way to the mayor." Snyder to himself: "Wouldn't that be interesting." Heh. And that's nice foreshadowing in this scene, although the Hot Dog On A Stick thing was probably serendipitous. Still, I give it an A- for foreshadowing.

Foreshadowing: "A-", huh? Thanks!
Couch Baron: You scared the hell out of me! Aren't you dead? Or have you been hanging out with Continuity and Sars?
Foreshadowing: I've tried, but that Dawson's drinking game they play is brutal. It's cool, though -- after they pass out I eat all the food, traumatize her cats, and change the settings on her computer.
Couch Baron: Dude, you're a total sociopath. You know she's my boss, right? I am so going to report you.
Foreshadowing: Don't do that! She'll kill me!
Couch Baron: Well, it's not like you do any work any more. I mean, look at Queer as Folk!

Joyce drops Buffy off in town, telling her they'll work something out in regards to school. Cut to Buffy looking at her watch, clearly having been stood up by Willow. Oh man, that suh-uh-ucks. I'm sorry, but no excuse. This is the first of many horrible acts of behavior in this episode from the characters, and it makes me wonder what Joss was smoking when he wrote it. Then I remember that Marti Noxon wrote this episode, and I wonder what Joss was smoking when he hired her. Cut to Buffy arriving home. She bumps into a middle-aged, heavy-ish blonde woman coming out chez Summers. After cooing about what a "picture" Buffy is, she introduces herself as Pat, from Joyce's book club. Okay, two things. First of all, I hate her already. Second, I know that Ace and Sep have bitched about the writer's growing tendency to exposit past plot points of which we knew nothing to fit what they want to happen currently, and I couldn't agree more. Well, case in point. "Hi, I'm Pat, from your mom's book club, of which you know nothing about. And even though you've been gone only two months, and your mom has never had any friends on the show, I'm now her best friend and confidante." It's a minor, possible even forgivable, example, but even though it may shock you, I'm not giving Marti Noxon the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, Pat gives Buffy a speech about "rebonding," "empanadas," and The Deep End Of The Ocean, so you can imagine that in an already dialogue-heavy episode, I'm not going to say any more about it except that it succeeds in making Buffy hate Pat and making Buffy feel even crappier than she already did.

Buffy's in the kitchen with Dinah. Oh, my bad, it's Joyce. Joyce tells Buffy that Willow got held up, but it's obvious that even Joyce realizes the flimsiness of Willow's story. Joyce glosses over it to ask Buffy how she would feel about having the gang over for dinner the night. "Dinner" -- remember that, it'll be important later. At Buffy's pause, she admits that she already invited them. Buffy insincerely says that it'll be fun. I know there's been heated discussion in the forums about how poorly people behaved in this episode, and whether Buffy was to blame or a victim. So in order not to keep you in suspense, here's my two cents. Although she certainly did some questionable things, I'm on Buffy's side. Here's an example: knowing that Buffy's best friend just blew her off, Joyce doesn't even acknowledge that it might be awkward to have the gang over, or that Buffy's feelings might be hurt. And I really must apologize for the length of this recap, but Marti Noxon brings out the diatribe in me. Joyce sends Buffy to the basement to get the company plates: "We never have guests over for dinner." Yeah, because you have no friends, Joyce. Except your new bestest pal, Pat. Not buying what you're selling, Marti. It's so contrived.

Contrivance: Hey dude!
Couch Baron: Didn't expect to see you. You've been working your ass off lately.
Contrivance: I know. And with Buffy and Angel moving, I've got to shuttle back and forth between the WB and UPN, with side trips to Showtime for Queer As Folk. At least Roswell got cancelled.
Couch Baron: Aaron even called you out on Six Feet Under recently, what with that Vanessa and Rico inheriting that money subplot.
Contrivance: This job's killing me, I'm telling you.
Couch Baron: Maybe Continuity and Foreshadowing can help you out -- they're not doing much these days.
Contrivance: The lush and the sociopath?
Couch Baron: Yeah, that's them.

Buffy in the basement. She stands on a stepladder to get the plates, but first picks up a large photograph of herself, Xander, and Willow. Why the hell would that be in a box in the basement? This episode is annoying me to death. Anyway, in reaching up to get the plates, Buffy knocks down a fake-looking dead cat. She's sufficiently grossed out.

Buffy and Joyce, burying the cat in the yard. Buffy: "time I get to pick the mother-daughter activity." Oh, all right: heh. The cat's wrapped in plastic, which I don't understand. I mean, I know they don't want to touch the cat, but why bury the plastic with it? Argh. Joyce asks Buffy if she wants to say a few words, like, "Goodbye, stray cat who lost its way, we hope you find it." Buffy looks at her with an expression like, "Wow, that line was heavy-handed, anvilicious, and sucky."

Buffy goes to bed. Cut to Joyce's bedroom, where what I will now call the Evil Death Mask, since that's what it is, starts glowing red in the eyes and humming. Instead of keeping us in suspense and leaving us to speculate as to what the mask does, we see the dead cat claw itself out of the ground. Marti Noxon thinks we're idiots. The feeling is more than mutual. I hate this episode.

Commercial for the second season of Dawson's Creek. Andie. Yuck.

Buffy walks into school. No one is around. The Tinkly Piano Of This Is A Dream Sequence plays. She runs into Angel, and they have a conversation that's going for cleverly cryptic, but only achieves boring and pointless, so I'm not even going to bother with it. She wakes up.

Joyce details the possibilities for Buffy's schooling, including a girl's school. Buffy snits about this, but Joyce shoots her down, telling her, "You made some bad choices. You just might have to live with some consequences." Fair enough. Joyce wonders if Buffy could tell people she's the Slayer in order to get some sort of dispensation to get back into school. Buffy's about to blow that off when Joyce opens the back door to take out the garbage and the dead cat comes in, looking disgusting and meowing very creepily. Okay, that was a little jarring, and the look on Joyce's and Buffy's faces makes it clear that they agree with me.

Buffy opens the door and says to Giles, "Welcome to the Hellmouth Petting Zoo." Hee! The term "petting zoo" is funny. See, it takes so little to make me happy. Cut to Joyce's bedroom, where the cat has hidden. This device allows Giles to see the Evil Death Mask, which he identifies as Nigerian. Buffy wants to aid Giles with research, but he hems and haws. Joyce gives her permission, but Giles informs Buffy that she's not allowed on school grounds. He takes the cat in a cage, and tells her he'll phone if he finds out anything and that he'll see them tonight. For the "dinner."

Cut to the rest of the gang in the library, regarding the cat. Willow brings up the gathering at Buffy's house, saying that she told Joyce they'd "bring stuff." Cordy: "I'm the dip." Xander: "You gotta admire the purity of it." Another grudging "heh." Cordy clarifies that she's bringing dip. Oz wants to figure out whether the event is a "gathering," a "shindig," or a "hootenanny." While his speech is cute, I'm too annoyed to transcribe it. I mean, Willow talked to Joyce and she's not clear on the fact that it's a dinner with just the group of them? This is bugging the hell out of me (and I'd like to use stronger language, but this isn't Six Feet Under). Plus, Oz mentions "malt beverage" as an option, and Giles doesn't even bat an eye. They're kids, people! They should do their drinking on the sly! Oz says he can get Dingoes to play at the party. Now they're having a band? This party would get shut down faster than you could say "buzzkill small-town neighbors." Giles wonders if a big party is the way to make Buffy feel welcome, but the rest of the gang wants it that way so that they can avoid any intimate contact with Buffy. Nice. They shoot Giles down. He says he's just glad she's back. He turns the page in his book, revealing the Evil Death Mask. He does not, however, look at it, his attention elsewhere. I guess Marti Noxon hates Giles as much as she hates us.

Buffy is setting the table. Her hair is up and she's clad in a hideous pink dress. She's the hideous clothing drawing winner this week. The doorbell rings, and Buffy opens the door to find Pat. She says Joyce told her there was room for one more. One, a hundred, what's the difference. She annoys Buffy, and me, until Buffy asks if Pat wants to see Joyce. Upon hearing an affirmative, she quickly yells, "MOOOM!" Hee. Joyce greets Pat, and they go into the dining room. Another ring, and it's Devon and the Dingoes, sans Oz. He asks where they should set up. This is so stupid.

The band plays. Buffy sticks out like a sore thumb. Couldn't she have changed her outfit? Not only is it awful, but she's way overdressed. I get that it's supposed to signify how out-of-place she feels. You know what else would do that? Good acting. Give SMG a little credit. Good writing would help too, but that's too much to ask in this episode. Buffy finds Willow. They chat, but when Buffy tries to express a desire for a more intimate conversation, Willow pretends she can't hear her because of the band. Again, nice. Sometimes I can't even believe these two are friends. Buffy starts to leave, but reconsiders and gestures to Willow to follow her so they can talk. Willow pulls a face, and man, I hate her this episode. Sars, I think you hate her, period. Am I right? ["I am not a fan of the Rosenberg, no." -- Sars] Buffy asks Willow if everything is okay. Willow says that it is, and everyone from Buffy to my dead grandmother knows she's lying. Willow hightails it out of there. Bitch. Buffy looks sad.

The Evil Death Mask starts a-humming. The dead start rising everywhere. Why did it only raise a cat the night, and half the corpses in Sunnydale tonight? Don't ask me, I just work here. The lack of attention to detail in this episode is shocking.