Well, here it is -- my last Buffy recap. Rather than thank tons of users by name, I'll just say that I really appreciate all the support that's been thrown my way -- despite all the snark I pitch, it means a lot to me. You know who you are. I will, however, thank Wing Chun, Glark, and Sars for running such a great site for so long. Thanks also to Ace and Sep, who were super-supportive and helped me maintain my sanity, never an easy thing. Shout-outs to Aaron, Strega, Keckler, Gustave, Alex Richmond, Djb, AB Chao, Pamie, Stee, and lastly Demian, to whom, given the wacky witchcraft hijinx that go on in the episode, I give the dubious honor of a recap dedication. That doesn't mean I'm associating him with Xander, though.
In a graveyard, Xander dangles a silver heart on a chain and asks Buffy what she thinks of it. I hope they weren't going for another graveyard-foreshadows-breakup thing here. Buffy snarkily asks if Cordy knows what it is. Xander demands to know when she'll stop giving him shit for dating Cordy. Buffy: "I'm sorry. But never." Never surrender the snark, Buffy! Well, I guess it's a little late for that now. Buffy goes on that he could do better, but Xander pooh-poohs that and says that he and Cordy are getting along well. Buffy tells him that Cordy will love the Valentine's Day gift. Xander expresses a wish that dating were more like slaying, which is of course a vamp's cue to rise from the grave they're staking out. Heh. "Staking" out. Hey, it's my last recap -- I'll make bad puns if I want to. Xander falls backward in surprise, but after a fight with several long shots in which you can actually see what's going on, Buffy stakes the vamp. She helps Xander to his feet. "Sorry to say, Xand. Slaying is a tad more perilous than dating." All the more reason to avoid office romances, eh Buff? Xander counters that she's not dating Cordelia. That's not how some of the fanfic archives tell it.
Credits, for the last time. Sniff.
Cordy marches toward the entrance to school, calling for the Cordettes to wait up. She asks them why they didn't call her back last night, and informs them that they need to discuss their outfits for the dance. The Cordettes, however, inform her in no uncertain terms that her relationship with Xander has put her somewhere between "leper" and "band member" on the social ladder, and leave in a Road Runner-esque cloud of dust. Cordy looks after them all, "I'm losing my friends over dating a nerd, and he's not even rich?"
Classroom. As the bell rings, the teacher informs the students that anyone who leaves without handing in a paper will fail the class. Thanks, Professor Exposition. Xander talks to himself about getting a D-minus. Well, that's what I'm giving that segment of your inner monologue, so at least we're on the same wavelength. Buffy and Willow greet Amy, who asks if they're going to the Valentine's Day dance at the Bronze. Willow excitedly tells Amy that her boyfriend is in the band. Amy smiles, no doubt thinking, "Everything comes so easy to that nerdy bitch. Should I be around five years from now, I'm totally taking her down a peg." Buffy and Willow hand in their papers, but when it's Amy's turn, she stares at the teacher with a gaze so intense and ominous that it looks like Elizabeth Anne Allen is channeling the German shepherd in The Omen. After a pause, the teacher holds out her hand as if taking her paper, and thanks her. Amy smiles and leaves, and Xander, having witnessed all this, looks bewildered. And bothered.
On the stairs, Willow expresses sorrow that Buffy will be alone on Valentine's Day, but Buffy easily tells her that she'll be fine, as she'll be hanging out with Joyce. Xander catches up and asks if they saw the Amy mojo, but, as anyone who was there should know, they didn't. Buffy's chagrined that Amy's practicing witchcraft, given her mom's history, but Giles appears and asks her for a word. We then get a special edition of When Awkward Moments Attack, as Miss Calendar emerges from a classroom. Miss Calendar very bravely steps forward and asks if Giles could spare a moment to talk to her, but ASH displays his acting acumen as he turns her down with a fair bit of subtle inner conflict. Buffy gratefully walks away after a baleful look at Miss Calendar, and Giles, after a longer and more longing look, follows her. Miss Calendar sadly leaves Xander and Willow to look glum. Did you notice how well we knew the characters back then? How easy it was to identify their motivations? And should I be this bitter in my last recap?
In the library, Buffy asks Giles if he's okay. Aw. He says he will be, and that he's more concerned about her, informing her that Angelus is prone to "brutal displays" around Valentine's Day that masquerade as affection. That doesn't sound very different from many of my girlfriends' boyfriends, I must say. Buffy asks for an example, which Giles is reluctant to give her, and suggests that she stay off the streets for a few nights. "Better safe than sorry." Buffy: "It's a little late for both." Isn't this episode supposed to be, like, fun?
A hand opens a large jewelry box to reveal an ornate gold necklace. Spike asks, "Fancy it, pet?" Dru goes into one of those semi-orgasmic simpers to convey that she is indeed taken with it, and Spike starts to say that she gets nothing but the best when he's interrupted by a hand dropping a fresh heart onto the table in front of Dru. Angelus, wearing more makeup than Ziggy Stardust, wishes her a happy Valentine's, and Dru bleats that the heart is still warm. Angelus, mischievously staring at Spike, says he found it "in a quaint little shop girl." Hee. With the Rocky Horror makeup and the unblinking gaze at Spike, Angelus is coming off as pretty darned bisexual here, which I suppose is no surprise if you've ever visited the Angel forums. He notices the necklace, and puts it around Dru's neck before Spike can object. He smirks that although Dru gives Spike "pity access," making me wonder just how flexible she is, it's easier if he himself steps in and does things for her. Spike icily replies that he should worry about the Slayer. Angelus muses that he's trying to settle on the best way to send his "regards," and Spike suggests he rip her lungs out. Angelus: "Lacks poetry." Spike: "Doesn't have to. What rhymes with 'lungs'?" Let's see:
Oh, Buffy, I'll climb your heart's rungs
To get to the spot where I can rip out your lungs.
Well, if my little attempt is any indication, I'd say the answer to Spike's question is, "Not much." Dru laughs and tells Spike that Angelus always knows what speaks to a girl's heart, and her attitude as she does so makes me certain that she faked that first simper. Tease.
Bronze. Dingoes plays. Devon "sings." Oz looks cute. Willow dorks out to the music as she happily tells Xander she's a groupie. Internet geek that you are, Willow, I'd expect you to be a stalker. Okay, so the bad jokes aren't limited to puns. Sue me. Cordy enters, and tries to greet the Cordexes, who sniff and walk away as though Cordy just yelled "move yer bloomin' arse!" at poor Dover. Cordy, left out of high society, looks bummed.
Buffy and Joyce are watching TV when there's a knock at the door. Buffy answers it, but no one appears to be around. When she returns to the living room, Joyce is gone. Buffy wanders through the house, and eventually Joyce startles her by entering through the back door, carrying a long black box. Buffy opens it to find several long-stemmed roses, with a card that simply says, "Soon." Joyce regards her expectantly, but Buffy looks like she's going to be sick. He sent her flowers? How menacing! I would have understood her reaction a lot more had he sent her chocolate. Encouraging her to eat? That's devilry.
Back at the Bronze, Cordy is sitting pensively when Xander, tired of waiting, gets up and discovers her. In a flat voice, she notes that he looks great, and they really do make quite a photogenic couple here. Xander gives her a rather impassioned -- and, under the circumstances, articulate -- speech about how he thinks their relationship might be more than just hormones. Aw. Cordy looks ill. Xander administers the coup de grace by giving her a jewelry box. She opens it, and upon seeing the heart necklace, sincerely says that it's beautiful. She continues, "I want to break up." Now that is a brutal display. Take notes, Angelus. Xander's predictably stunned, but she explains that they're just not a good fit, a sentiment with which I don't really agree. Xander: "Do you know what's a good day to break up with somebody? Any day besides Valentine's Day! I mean, what, were you running low on dramatic irony?" Look at that -- extreme bitterness turned him into The Voice Of The Recapper. Amazing how that works. Cordy tries to apologize, but Xander, extremely hurt, leaves. Aw.
In the hall the day, some no-neck greets Xander, "Dude! Way to get dumped." Salt, meet open wound. Xander sees Buffy, but she blows by him in favor of talking to Giles about Angelus's gift. A couple of random girls snicker at Xander. Shut up, Random Girls. I know I crack on him all the time, but I consider him family. Plus, I get paid for it. up is Harmony: "Gee, Xander, maybe you should learn a second language so that even more girls can reject you." I wouldn't be surprised to learn that this hallway is called "The Gauntlet." Cordy, sitting to Harmony, looks down at Xander's shoes. For once, it's out of shame and not a desire to buy him new ones. Xander hurries up and catches hold of Amy's arm, and threatens to tell their teacher about the little spell she cast. Amy tells him that that's mean, and Xander replies that blackmail is an ugly word. Amy: "I didn't say 'blackmail.'" Xander: "Yeah, but I'm about to blackmail you, so I thought I'd bring it up." Hee. He tells her that for once he wants to come out ahead, and have the Hellmouth work for him. He glances over at Cordy. "You and me, Amy, we're gonna cast a little spell." Geez, with all that leadup, I thought he come up with a bigger idea. I mean, given "Superstar," couldn't he have stretched his imagination just a little? A few extra bucks couldn't hurt, right?
In an empty classroom, Amy repeats Xander's request: "A love spell?" He confirms that he wants Cordy to eat, sleep, and breathe only him. Xander, I like you well enough in this episode, but I've still got to give that an "ew." Some further questioning reveals that Xander only wants Cordy to pine for him so he can jilt her back. Ah, the old counterjiltery gambit. So many have tried. Amy warns him that love spells are the hardest to cast, and that the intent behind them has to be pure. This line is known in the business as the "Wackiness Clause." In its purest form, it's heralded by an accordion, but we'll take what we can get. Xander threatens to expose her "invisible homework," something with which he no doubt has an awful lot of experience. She gives in and tells him she'll need a personal effect of Cordy's. That shouldn't be tough -- she carries more beauty products than Mary Kay.
Buffy marches in to see Giles and slaps the "Soon" note down in front of him, and demands to know what she can expect from Angelus. Meanwhile, in the hallway, Xander accosts Cordy and demands the necklace back. While some might see this as extremely petty on his part, I'm focusing more on the fact that he originally intended to let her keep it. She protests, but then huffs that it's in her locker. Under cover of the locker door, she removes the chain from its real location around her neck, which was covered by her fully-buttoned collared shirt. She steels herself, then closes the door and hands it over. They part company with looks both baleful and sad. Aw.
Night. In the gym, Xander sits shirtless and holding a candle, red markings on his chest and the floor. Amy recites an plea to Diana that Cordy be bent to Xander's will. Again, ew. She drops the necklace into a beaker that's boiling over. And here I thought magic was physics, not chemistry. Flames rise and then retreat into the beaker, and Amy instructs Xander to blow out the candle, which he does. Scene. This recap's flying by. Why couldn't that have happened with "Go Fish" or "Reptile Boy"?
Phoebe Halliwell: A love spell? Love spells with wacky, unforeseen consequences are my turf, dude!
Couch Baron: What's that got to do with me? I'm just the recapper here.
Phoebe Halliwell: You're the recapper that's been ripping me to shreds all these years?
Couch Baron: No, that's Demian. This isn't even your show -- it's not always about you, you know. Pay attention.
Phoebe Halliwell: Well, then, give Demian a message for me. Tell him to stop taking everyone else's side all the time. I'm the real talent on my show!
Couch Baron: Let me give you a message from him. You're a brainless, fried-haired, implanted, self-absorbed, simpering, bony hag, and if he could make a living solely by insulting you, he'd be the happiest man in the world.
Sorry for the diversion, but I'm finding it difficult to crack on Xander too much in this episode, and since he's normally my go-to man, I had to get a little creative. Anyway, Xander swaggers into school and heads over to Cordelia, who's apparently regained her social standing. Cordy doesn't show any signs of being different, but Xander doesn't really take the hint until she asks if he's going "Stalker Boy." Chastened, he leaves, and Cordy wonders what his deal is. From your point of view, Cordy, I'd think he's doing okay for someone who got his heart ripped out two nights before. You'd be proven wrong, of course, but why not take things as they come?
In the library, Giles tells Buffy about the time Angel nailed a puppy to some girl's door. Yeesh. Buffy, steely resolve of the day gone, tells him to skip it. Xander enters and complains about his life. Buffy opines that what happened is Cordy's loss, and suggests that they hang out that evening and comfort each other. Xander jokingly asks if lap-dancing will be included. Buffy takes way too long a pause to respond: "Play your cards right." Yuck. Xander looks like this situation has, to quote Angela Chase, become a little too "actual," and Buffy continues, "It's funny how you can see someone every day but not really see them." Buffy and Xander start to lean in, but they're interrupted by Amy's appearance. She and Xander exit the library to talk. She tells Xander that the spell didn't work out right. Xander looks back in at Buffy, and spouts some platitudes at Amy while looking about as satisfied as Garfield in a lasagna factory. He pauses, however, when Amy suggests they hang out, and at the point where she starts to parrot Buffy's line about seeing a person every day, the metaphorical bucket of cold water has seeped down from his head and soaked his pants. Some girl with hair out of Pleasantville interrupts to ask Xander to study that night, and a girl asking him for academic help is pretty much the two-column proof that something is rotten in the state of Sunnydale. Just to seal the deal, The Violins Of Wackiness start to play. Not quite as wacky as an accordion, but again, you can't have everything.
Xander enters his bedroom and tries to collect himself. He sits down on his bed, but Willow pops up out of the covers, saying she wanted to surprise him. Xander: "Good job!" Heh. Willow tries to seduce him with a "friendships change" speech, but doesn't really alter her Willow persona at all to do it, which, from Xander's point of view, has to be extremely traumatic. Getting seduced by someone you associate with your Sesame Street or Romper Room years has to be a very short trip to the shrink's office. Willow tells him she wants him to be her first. I'm feeling like therapy of my own may be necessary after seeing this. She tells him not to worry about Oz, and kisses him and nibbles on his ear. Yup, I'm going to be literalizing my moniker posthaste. Xander does the best thing: He turns tail and runs. Hee. Just be glad it wasn't Phoebe, Xander.
Demian: What's with all the Phoebe-bashing? That's my turf.
Couch Baron: I know. I just really needed a new target, and with the love spell thing, it just seemed so easy. I'm sorry.
Demian: Well, who am I supposed to bash now?
Couch Baron: How about I lend you McManus for a while?
Demian: Done and done.
Cordy enters school and marches up to her sometime posse, who continue their yo-yo-ing treatment of her by regarding her like she's wearing a housedress. She wonders what's up, and Harmony spits that Xander's wounded because of her. The girl with hair that went out with the term "sock hop" sneers in agreement. Cordy yells, "What does it take to make you people happy?" A great-tasting light beer would keep me in smiles, but that's probably beyond your power, Cordy.
And now for my favorite Xander scene of the entire series. We get a shot of a guy's shoes walking through a door; then, in three-quarter speed, we see Xander moving down The Gauntlet as "Got The Love" by Average White Band plays. All the girls are staring at him with varying degrees of lust, while the guys regard him jealously. There's no shortage of leers being directed at parts of his anatomy other than his face, and there's also plenty of open-mouthed staring and winking. One guy tries to look creeped out but ends up looking kind of turned on, although that's probably what my face would look like if I were forced to be attracted to Xander. I thought they'd go all out and have a guy blatantly checking him out, but maybe Larry and Scott Hope had other commitments. It's Nick Brendon's terrified expression that really sells this scene, though. Anyway, Xander finally reaches the library. Giles greets him good-naturedly, but quickly deduces that something is wrong. Xander blurts out the whole story, but just as he gets to the end, Miss Calendar barges in and tells Giles they need to talk. She's soon distracted, however, and compliments Xander's shirt. She goes on to tell Giles that she's not just going to go away, but hilariously keeps feeling Xander's material as she does so, and eventually asks him, "Have you been working out?" Xander's look of desperation is matched by one of disgust from Giles, and as much shit as I've given him, Xander could team up with any male character from the show and make a formidable comedy pair.
Giles pulls Miss Calendar away, and has a great moment of indecision over which problem to tackle first. He picks Xander, opting for stupid over crazy. "I cannot believe that you are fool enough to do something like this." Way to leave me open, Giles. Xander does my work for me, saying he's twice the necessary fool. Giles asks if Amy has tried to reverse the spell, but Xander indicates that all Amy wants to do with him is make wedding preparations. Of course, in her current state of mind, she'd probably register at Sealy's, but that's neither here nor there. Miss Calendar pipes up that perhaps she should have a little Graduate-esque one-on-one with Xander. Stop panting, Mary Kay Letourneau. Giles rants that people under love spells are dangerous, and lose all capacity for reason. Yeah, just like that episode where that guy had that magic jacket! Wasn't that a fun, original, not-at-all painful romp? Giles tells Xander not to leave the library, and that he'll find Amy and try to break the spell. He starts to leave, but darts back to pull Miss Calendar away. She whines. Hee.
Xander pushes a card catalogue in front of the door, but someone opens it the other way. Hee. It's Buffy. The Wacky Violin fades to a Sultry Sax as we see that Buffy's clad in a black raincoat and not, clearly, anything else. She threatens to open it, but Xander begs her not to. Everyone who was overly annoyed with him for his fantasy in "Dirty Girls" can take note of this moment. Buffy kittens that it's a party, and he should open his present. Despite the fact that Xander probably told Santa he'd forego all other gifts for the rest of his life if he could only have this one, he refuses. He gives a heartfelt speech how this isn't real to her, and it would mean so much to him if only she really felt anything for him, but he can't do it this way. Buffy closely follows the Chapter Five of The Fatal Attraction Handbook by dangerously asking if this is all a game to him, and snarlingly demands that he explain himself, but Amy, appearing behind her, tells her to back off. Buffy demands that Xander tell her how he really feels, and then hauls off and punches Amy. Buffy turns back to Xander, who picks an ironic time to go completely impotent, but Amy stands back up, beetle-eyed, and recites her "Goddess Hecate" incantation, and after a quick credits shot of her enveloping Buffy in light, we focus on Xander, who cries, "Oh my God!" Something twitchy this way comes.
When we return, Buffy's raincoat is lying on the floor. Giles and Miss Calendar rush back in, and Miss Calendar gets a goofy smile upon seeing Xander again. Hee. A rat crawls out of the raincoat's sleeve, and Giles echoes Xander's horror. They do have rats in England, Giles. Believe me, I know. Amy and Miss Calendar have a little catfight, which appropriately prompts Amy to try to turn her into a rat as well, but Xander shuts her up. Meanwhile, the Buffy-rat has run off. In the hall, Cordy closes her locker when she's confronted by Harmony and the Cordexes. Harmony seethes that Cordy never loved Xander. Cordy: "Okay, Harmony, if you need to borrow my Midol, just ask." Rather than receiving applause for her witticism, Cordy gets a slap in the face. Boy, I know what that's like. Miss Peggy Sue Got Married shoves Cordy up against the locker, and the Cordexes start manhandling her. What a time to cut a scene.
Library. Giles orders the Lusting Ladies to sit down. "We have to catch the Buffy-rat." Heh. Xander gets a bead on the rat, but before he can get his hands on her, he sees someone's leg to him. He looks up to see Oz, who promptly punches him. A testosterone-fueled display from Oz! How cute! As the Buffy-rat escapes the library, Oz notes, "That kinda hurt." Xander: "Kinda?" Oz explains that Willow was crying to him all night. "I don't know exactly what happened, but I was left with a very strong urge to hit you." I think I would have been left with at least an equal desire to hit her, although I'd probably say that about anyone that cost me an entire night's sleep. Giles rolls his eyes, and who could possibly blame him? Oz helps Xander up, and Xander explains about Buffy's newfound status as a rodent, to which Oz gives an interested, "Oh!" The boy has filled his emotive quota for the year here, folks. Let's give him a big hand. Anyway, when they realize Buffy has escaped, Giles disgustedly tells Xander to go home, and asks Oz to help in finding Buffy. No one mentions Oz's werewolf nose, but I choose to believe Giles had it in mind. Xander exits the library to find the Cordexes trying to beat on Cordy. When they see him, however, they rush at him, and the look of delight on Harmony's face is particularly priceless. Xander picks Cordy up off the floor and manages to carry her off, although I'm not sure that's a good idea, because the Foley guys went so nuts when the Cordexes were beating on her that I'd think she'd be hemorrhaging. The girls, including a cafeteria worker, pursue. Is that the same cafeteria worker from "Earshot"? Because if so, I think we've got an explanation of why she went over the edge.
Giles tells Amy that she must have botched something in the ritual, but it should be easily reversible. Hmm. I hate to say anything against Giles, but if he's so proficient, maybe he could have de-ratted her instead of watching Passions with Spike. Amy says that Xander loves her, and that they "look into each other's souls." If we lived in ancient Rome, everyone would be piling into the vomitorium right about now. Send that line back to Dawson's Creek where it belongs. Giles shirtily asks her to help him, but she says he has no idea what she's going through. He snaps, "I know it's not love! It's obsession. Selfish, banal obsession. Now Xander has put himself in very great danger. If you cared about him at all you'd help me save him rather than whittering on about your feelings!" Giles, I'm experiencing some love right now. Amy looks chastened, but Giles's victory is somewhat diminished when he realizes that Miss Calendar has disappeared. You can't please everyone, Giles. Believe me, I know.
Xander and Cordy run out of the school and into a mob led by a fire-axe-toting Willow. She cries as she tells him she loves him so much. "I'd rather see you dead than with that bitch!" She moves forward and raises the axe, but Harmony rushes from behind Xander and grabs the handle. She wrestles with Willow as the two mobs confront each other. I'm sure I would have cracked up if they had started playing "Beat It" here, but it's probably just as well they didn't.
The Buffy-rat goes into the basement. Oz follows it with a flashlight. I'm not going to say this isn't riveting television, but only because it's Oz I'm dealing with here. A black cat appears and meows at Buffy. Slayers and rats and girls better scurry!
Night. Xander and Cordy run, apparently having ditched the mob. Cordy: "Xander, who died and made you Elvis?" Given Xander's physical appearance lately, that's an unfortunate comparison. He says he'll explain later, but they need to get to Buffy's house, which is, I suppose, continuity supported by "Halloween." They knock, and Joyce lets them in. Joyce ushers them into the kitchen and asks what happened, and suggests to Cordy that she run upstairs and get some bandages. Once alone, Joyce immediately takes the opportunity to give Xander a back rub, and he drops his head to the table in frustration. Or possibly pleasure. Who knows? Anyway, Cordy returns, is squicked, and hurries Joyce out the back door before you can say "Mrs. Robinson." She adds, "And keep your mom-aged mitts off my boyfriend. Former!" Hee. Cordy and Xander bicker a bit until Joyce breaks one of the door windows and demands to be let in, sporting a smile scarier than anything seen in The Shining. Cordy and Xander run up to Buffy's room. Xander looks out the window, notes that the mob hasn't found them yet, and opines that they should be safer there. Angelus appears in the window out of nowhere in game face and smirks, "Works in theory." He grabs Xander and pulls him out. Is anyone surprised that Angelus is the only guy to grab Xander while this spell is in effect? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Buffy-rat. Mousetrap. Dude, build a better subplot.
Angelus throws Xander to the ground and jumps after him. He's wearing vinyl pants, I believe. They don't actually do much for him here in my opinion, but they are an interesting choice, and I give props for giving the cows a break and varying the material. Angelus breathes that he feels very close to Xander. I'm not jumping to slash. I took a tiny step, and there slash was. Anyway, we're about to get that male-on-male bite we've been waiting for, but Angelus suddenly goes flying into a tree. Xander looks up to see Drusilla, also in game face. Caught between Scylla and Chabonkers. Angelus can't believe it, but Dru tells him she's finally found a "real man." Angelus: "I guess I really did drive you crazy." Hee. Angelus withdraws as Dru tells Xander that his face is a poem. I think Xander looks just fine here, but I'd point out that there is an awful lot of bad poetry in the world. Especially on the Web. Dru kisses Xander, and asks him how he feels about eternal life. Xander: "We couldn't just start with a coffee?" Dru leans in, but the now-combined mob appears and rushes them, tackling Xander. Willow tries again with the axe, but Cordy rushes out of the house and grabs it, then manages to clutch Xander and get him into the house. Dru heads around back and knocks down the door, but finds her entry impeded by the invisible barrier. Angelus taunts her that she's not invited. What the hell is he still doing there? Is he still after Xander? Because, given my earlier theories, that would make sense.
Anyway, once inside, Cordy and Xander are accosted by Joyce, who ominously says that they have to "end it." Well, yeah. Cordy and Xander rush to the basement. Aw, that's where they had their first kiss! How romantic! The angry mob's a twist, I'll grant, but people get off on anything nowadays.
Oz is still looking for Buffy. Buffy heads for the mousetrap. I move on to scenes less soporific.
In the gym, Amy and Giles are working. This show really needs a "Passport Editor."
Xander attempts to barricade the basement door as he and Cordy fight some more. When she learns that she was the intended target of the spell, however, she looks ambivalent. Before she can verbalize her feelings, however, a knife cuts through the door, and Cordy and Xander run down the stairs.
The Buffy-rat runs over to the trap. Well, we knew she liked cheese. In the gym, Amy chants the reversal incantation. Some light flashes in the basement, and Buffy tosses her head up.
The basement door gives. Willow and Joyce come down the stairs, followed by the cafeteria worker, who's brandishing a rolling pin. Hee.
Now it's Giles's turn to recite a reversal incantation. In the Summers basement, the women rush Xander and Cordy and tackle them to the ground. Giles holds up Cordy's necklace and drops it into a beaker, from which emanates a blinding flash of light. The screeching women calm down, and, realizing what they've been doing, are all like, "Ew." Hee.
In the school basement, Oz shines the flashlight on Buffy, who realizes that she's naked. Relax, horndogs, she's behind some boxes. Buffy greets Oz. "I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here." Heh. She asks him to get her some clothing, and he goes off to do just that.
In the Summers basement, the women are milling about confusedly. Cordy gamely tries: "Boy, that was the best scavenger hunt ever." Joyce makes a note not to postpone her spring cleaning any longer.
Buffy amusedly repeats Cordy's cover story, but Xander says Joyce bought it. Buffy thinks she's just repressing, and that she's getting good at it. "I should really start worrying." Enjoy it while you can, honey. Xander tells her that Willow won't even talk to him. Buffy: "Any particular reason she should?" Buffy, given that you were just a rat, I'd think you'd realize you shouldn't kick someone when he's down. She explains that Willow loved him before he "invoked the Great Roofie Spirit," and that she's going to need some time. Xander asks Buffy if she remembers what happened, and Buffy gives a quick rundown that proves her awareness of her near-foray into amateur porn. "I also remember that you didn't undress me. It meant a lot to me what you said." Aw.
Outside, Cordy and the Cordettes are walking and gossiping when Harmony runs into Xander. She chews him out, but when she turns back, Cordy tells her to shut up. The sound guy, almost out the door in an effort to beat the traffic, rushes back in to cue The Guitar Of Eleventh-Hour Character Development. Cordy tells Harmony she's a sheep. "All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval when I'm way cooler than you are 'cause I'm not a sheep! I do what I want to do, and I wear what I want to wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I want to date." Beat, as Xander watches. "No matter how lame he is." Hee! I love to see Cordy becoming more human, but the last-minute dig at Xander is the juiciest possible cherry on an already delicious sundae. Having cowed the Cordettes, Cordy walks over to Xander, and her triumph turns to terror as she fears her friends will never speak to her again. Xander gallantly says that they can fight whenever her friends are around. Cordy brightens. "You promise?" Xander: "You can pretty much count on it." Hee. And that, my friends, is how to do a wacky love-spell episode.
Demian: Sigh. I wish Charmed could do a love-spell episode like that.
Couch Baron: Well, if it's any consolation, the current season of Charmed, even with its recent lameness, has been better than the current season of Buffy.
Demian: That's true. You know that's a sign of the apocalypse, right?
Couch Baron: So I guess we're going to hell, then?
Demian: I'll save you a seat in the TWoP staff section.
Y'all, it's been a fun ride. Thanks for reading, take care, and see you around.