Halloween

We fade up on a pumpkin stand. The camera pans down to reveal a sign informing us that Halloween is two days away, and a jack-o'-lantern. Buffy comes flying into the picture and lands on her derriere, crushing the jack-o'-lantern. I wish that had been the plot of "Smashed." She looks up and sees a young vamp coming at her. She reaches for something. We see the vamp get beaned with a gourd, and then with a whole pumpkin. Heh. Buffy flips up to her feet and chucks a stake at the vamp. He blocks it with a scarecrow that has a pumpkin head. Buffy and the vamp fight at close range. We see them through a camera lens, and then learn that another vamp is videotaping the action on a hand-held camera. I guess Spike wanted an edgy feel for his filmmaking debut. The melee continues. This vamp is quite a talented fighter, but Buffy eventually grabs the sign out of the ground, sweeps the vamp's feet with it, and stakes him with the pointy end. Buffy leaves, and Video Vamp withdraws. Credits.

Bronze. Angel twiddles his thumbs at a table. Cordy joins him with a friendly word about how "not happening" the Bronze is. It's completely packed, and we learn from later statements that it's a weeknight, so I'd try a different approach, Cordy. Try asking Angel his favorite brand of hair gel -- best to stick to what he knows. Angel says he's waiting for Buffy, and Cordy reveals that she's supposed to be meeting Devon, but he seems to have flaked. Against all odds, Angel seems to be glad of Cordy's company. Buffy enters, and quickly spies them together. Cordy is actually making Angel laugh. Buffy turns to leave, probably to warn Giles that a sign of the apocalypse has just occurred, but Angel sees her and rushes over. She explains that she had a "rough day at the office." Angel pulls a piece of straw out of her hair. "So I see." Heh. Buffy gamely tries to pass it off as a "seasonal" look, but when Cordy comes over and tells her that her hair "screams street urchin," she's had enough. Angel tells her she looks fine, and that he wants to have their date, but Buffy isn't feeling like a natural woman, and points out that other girls have time to think about beauty and grooming. "You know what I think about? Ambush tactics. Beheading. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of." Maybe not, but you might find them awfully useful in a breakup. She leaves. Cordy comes back and sunnily offers Angel a cappuccino. He looks blank. All's right with the world again.

School hallway. Snyder, holding a clipboard, grabs a random girl and informs her that she's "volunteering." For what, you ask? Willow, walking with Buffy and Xander, has the answer: The "Volunteer Safety Program," wherein teenagers take groups of little kids trick-or-treating. Xander notes that Snyder's using a loose definition of the word "volunteer," and wouldn't that be their cue to bolt now, if they had any brains? They do remember "The Puppet Show," right? Seconds later, it's too late, as Snyder puts his hand on Buffy's shoulder. After some quality snark in which he calls Buffy "missy," he leads her to the "volunteer" table. Buffy lamely tries to tell him that her carpal tunnel syndrome prevents her from holding a flashlight. Snyder, of course, doesn't even acknowledge her, telling her the hours are four to six PM. Willow looks glum and Xander amused as Snyder hands Buffy a pen to sign up, but then both look horrified when Snyder hands them each a pen of their own. Hee. Very soon after, the three teens are lamenting their fate, and exposit that costumes are mandatory. Buffy complains that she's missing out on a night off, as, according to Giles, Halloween is the one night where demons don't come out and play. I'd probably complain too in their shoes, but since I'm not, I'd point out that it's only two hours, and being done at six doesn't exactly kill the evening.

Anyway, our triad has arrived at the lounge. Xander puts money in the soda machine. Sixty cents for a soda? Is this the Reagan years? Xander tries the Dr. Pepper and Coke buttons, but nothing comes out. Speaking of not coming out (yet), Larry appears, and asks Xander if he and Buffy are a couple. When the answer is negative, he's psyched, because he's heard Buffy is "fast." Okay, now is this the Truman years? Who says that? Despite the dated language, Xander takes offense, and grabs Larry's shirt. Larry: "Not here, Harris!" Actually, he moves to punch Xander, but Buffy comes out of nowhere, arm-twists Larry into the soda machine, and tells him to beat it, which he does. Larry's impact knocks a Diet (?) Dr. Pepper out, and Buffy excitedly grabs it. Xander asks if she knows what she just did. Buffy: "Saved a dollar?" You might want not to frame that comment with a shot of the sixty-cent price on the machine, editors. Xander clarifies that her rescue makes him look like a coward, and he would have preferred a black eye. Buffy restrains herself from obliging that preference, and Xander stomps off impotently. Buffy muses that she just violated the "guy code." Willow asks about Buffy's date. Buffy informs her of her "unscheduled slayage" and Cordy's attentions to Angel. Willow opines that Cordy isn't Angel's type. I hear "MENDOZA!" from theAngelforums. Buffy points out that she has no idea what Angel's type is, as he's not one to overshare. Willow says that it's too bad they can't read up on Angel in the Watcher diaries. Aren't those online? Buffy, in a mischievous tone, agrees that it's too bad, as that stuff is private. Catching on, Willow adds that Giles keeps them in his office with his personal files. Buffy: "Most importantly, it would be wrong."

Speaking of which, I know it's wrong to like the scene as much as I do, but I can't help it. I know it's silly and over the top, but I still giggle hysterically every time I see it. I think it's partially because some heavy stuff starts happening from the episode on, so I'm reveling in the last really goofy and teenage episode for a while. But mostly it's a guilty pleasure. Anyway, Buffy and Willow peer through the library doors. They mouth a couple things to each other, and then Buffy stealths in. Willow is wearing the cutest little rainbow suspenders, by the way. Foreshadowing high-fives himself. Buffy walks slowly and carefully at first and looks around. Seeing nothing, she starts to stride toward Giles's office, but he calls to her from the cage, startling her. He sets some books down on a table and says that, because Halloween will be quiet, he thought they could work on some new battle techniques. Buffy says he needs to get a life, suggesting that he go to this place where "you sit in the dark, and there are these moving pictures, right, and the pictures tell a story." During this speech, Buffy is surreptitiously beckoning to Willow to come in. Giles is like, ha ha, not, and says that he has many relaxing hobbies. So that's why Sars has a French maid's uniform hanging in her closet. When Buffy learns that one of his hobbies is "cross-referencing," she's duly unimpressed. Giles starts to pick up a stack of books to take into his office, but Buffy, without missing a beat, picks up the top one and circles him so his attention is directed to the other side of the library. Willow is slowly making her way to the office, abject horror on her face. Hee. The rest of the exchange is easier to transcribe verbatim:

Buffy: So! How come Halloween is such a big yawner? I mean, do the demons just hate how commercial it's become?
Giles: It's interestingnot I suspect, to you. What is it you're after?
Buffy: Of course it's of interest to me. I'm the Slayer. I need to know these things. You can't keep me in the dark any longer. [Giles starts to turn again.] Look at me when I talk to you! [Willow pauses like she knows the game is up.]
Giles: I really don't have time for these games.
Buffy: Miss Calendar said you were a babe. [Willow looks at Buffy all "I can't believe you just went there."]
Giles: She said what?
Buffy: Well, she said that you were a hunk of burningsomething or other. So! What do you think of that?
Giles: UmI don'tburning hunk of what?
Buffy: Look. You know how disgusting it is for me to even contemplate you grownups having smoochies butI think you should go for it. [Willow emerges from the office with the book.]
Giles: Buffy, I appreciate your interest, but --
Buffy But, I've overstepped my bounds! Its none of my business, you know? What was I thinking? My God! Shame! Shame! I gotta go. [She leaves.]
Giles, to himself: Babe? I can live with that.

Hee! I'm sorry! I can't help it. I can't do them justice, but Willow's facial expressions and Buffy's surreptitious gestures add so much to the scene. I think it's cute, too, that Giles came out of it with a greater sense of confidence with respect to Miss Calendar. Anyway. In the girl's bathroom, Buffy and Willow are looking at drawings of elegantly costumed women from Angel's human time period. Buffy whines that she'll never be that pretty. I realize you're feeling a little vulnerable, Miss Maybelline, but I think even you can outshine a poorly-detailed ink drawing. Willow tries to comfort Buffy in her latest hour of need. Buffy smiles at how wonderful it must have been to put on beautiful clothes and go to balls. You might change your mind after your first corset, dear. Willow says she prefers being able to vote, "or I will, when I can." Cordy busts in, and snarks that she "comfort[ed]" Angel after Buffy left the evening. She goes on to ask what his deal is, as she never sees him around. Buffy and Willow tell her Angel's a vampire. Cordy: "Oh, he's a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind, like a Care Bear with fangs?" Hee. She accuses them of trying to scare her off, and snarks that "when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer." Black Widow: She Snarks And She Kills. She leaves. Buffy looks like the last of her self-esteem went running after Cordy, begging to be adopted.

Costume shop. Amidst a bunch of kids, Buffy shops. Willow comes bounding up and proudly displays a generic ghost costume. Look who's a big girl now! Jeez. Who did she dress as when she was younger, Holly Hobbie? Buffy opines that Willow should stop hiding, as Halloween is supposed to be "come as you aren't" night. That's certainly been true at several Halloween parties I've been to, and I'm not talking about the costumes. Buffy suggests Willow get "sexy and wild," but Willow claims that wild on her "equals spaz." That explains "Wrecked." Well, not completely. Xander appears, and displays a toy gun. Buffy: "That's not a costume." Xander explains that he already has army fatigues, so he's got a two-dollar costume all ready to go. Buffy tries to apologize about the Larry incident. Xander: "Do you mind, Buffy? I'm trying to repress." Heh. Buffy promises that from now on, she'll let him get pummeled. I know a good notary public, Buffy. Xander accepts the apology. Something catches Buffy's eye, and she walks across the shop to a red and magenta (no, I'm not color-blind, but sometimes I wish I were) ball gown. Xander says he prefers his women in spandex. Shut up, Xander. Ethan Rayne appears (I'm not pretending I don't know him -- sorry) and suavely takes down the dress and displays it in front of Buffy. Ethan: "Meet the hidden princess. I think we've found a match, don't you?" Er, "hidden"? Buffy says she can't afford it (ever hear of rental?) but Ethan gallantly says he's moved to make her a deal she can't refuse. Buffy turns back to the mirror, all smiles.

Factory. Spike is playing back the tape of Buffy's fight at the beginning of the episode. He's watching it on the television screens that Angel crashed through the floor in "Surprise." Nice continuity -- I never noticed that before. Spike admires Buffy's style as "tricky" and "resourceful." Dru appears, holding Miss Edith, and asks if Spike loves her "insoides." Spike: "Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet." Miss Edith: "Your larynx, on the other hand" Spike goes on that he's studying the Slayer for her. That excuse will only go so far. Dru tells him that "everything's switching," and that the Slayer will soon be weak. Spike tells her to "talk to Daddy," which is super-annoying, since a lot of people have been complaining that FauxDru calling Spike "Daddy" in "Bring On The Night" was a breach of continuity, and I thought they were right. Damn. Anyway, Dru says that it will happen the following night. Spike points out that the following night is Halloween, and nothing ever happens. Dru explains, "Someone's come to change it all. Someone new." Creepy music swells.

Ethan, clad in a ceremonial robe, enters the back room of his shop, in which a number of candles are arrayed around the bust of a head. He kneels, and recites a short paean to the bust. The side we see has a normal-looking male face on it. Ethan anoints his own eyelids and forehead with some grease, and declares that he remains a servant of chaos. Don't come near our boards, buddy. The camera swings around to show that the other side of the bust has a face on it too. I think the two faces are supposed to represent order and chaos, but the "chaos" face just looks like he's getting his teeth cleaned.

Buffy's bedroom. Buffy is in costume, having rounded out her dress with a piled-on-top black wig. She tells Willow, who's off-camera, that she's meeting Angel there after the trick-or-treating, and that her mom will be out. She goes on that Angel doesn't know about her costume, and that it'll be a "blast from his past." She then tells Willow to come out and show off her new costume. Willow reluctantly obeys. She looks great: her hair is up, and she's wearing sexy but not slutty make-up, a black leather skirt, and a midriff-baring brown top. The outfit really isn't anything to freak out about, but Willow opines that it "isn't [her]." Buffy doesn't want to hear that. The doorbell rings. Buffy exposits that it'll be Xander, and happily says that the boys will go "non-verbal" when they see Willow. Willow looks nervous. Downstairs, Buffy opens the door. Xander, upon seeing her outfit: "Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex!" Good news for all of us. Buffy curtseys in response, but tells Xander to wait until he sees -- Willow appears on the stairs wearing the ghost costume -- "Casper." Heh. Xander compliments the "Boo!" on Willow's costume. I happily note that, unlike me, he resisted the urge to say, "Boo-yah!" Did I mention that I hate Al Pacino?

School. Outside, a number of costumed kids are running around excitedly. Inside, Snyder leads a group up to Buffy, and snarks that she shouldn't talk to them, as she would be a bad influence. He starts to walk away. Buffy says hi to a kid, but Snyder turns back: "Uh uh!" Hee. Buffy clams up. Larry, in a pirate outfit, asks Xander where his bodyguard is, and fakes attacking Xander before walking away laughing. Xander looks annoyed. Oz is putting his guitar away when Cordy, dressed in a unitard with cat ears and drawn-on whiskers, accosts him and asks if the band is playing that night. Upon hearing an affirmative, she snots, "Is Mr. I'm The Lead Singer I'm So Great I Don't Have To Show Up For My Date Or Even Call gonna be there?" Oz evenly says he's just going by "Devon" now. Heh. Cordy says to tell Devon that she doesn't care, and that Oz didn't even see her. Understandably confused, Oz asks what he's supposed to say again. Cordy: "Nothing! Jeez, get with the program!" Yeah -- Hissyfit, starring Cordelia Chase. She stomps off. Oz amusedly says to himself that he needs a girl like that, then bumps into ghost-clad Willow, continuing a loose theme started in "Inca Mummy Girl." Elsewhere, Xander is giving a military-style speech to his group on the dos and don'ts of "sleazing extra candy." He then marches them out single file.

Later, it's dark out. Buffy's group rejoins her after hitting a house. Buffy asks what "Mrs. Davis" gave them, and they show her toothbrushes. Buffy: "She must be stopped." Seriously. Is she trying to get her house TPed? Buffy says they have time for one more house. Meanwhile, Ethan is reciting an incantation in Latin. I never took Latin, but I can make out enough to know that he tells the bust to "seize the night" and some other vaguely menacing things. Willow leads her group onto someone's porch, and one of them rings the doorbell. A pleasant older woman answers, and proclaims the kids "adorable." Try saying that with a hand around your windpipe, lady. Ethan holds up the bust of "Janus" (who, by the way, I don't remember from Roman mythology as being nearly the baddie he seems to be in this episode) and finishes the incantation. A wind blows past Buffy. The pleasant woman laments that she's all out of candy. Ethan gloats, "Showtime." If villains never use that word again on TV, it'll be too soon. On the porch, a couple kids dressed as monsters morph into the real thing. One of them grabs the pleasant lady by the throat. Imagine what he would have done to the toothbrush lady. Willow tells them to stop. The pleasant lady manages to get back inside and shut the door. Willow suddenly starts to keel over as chaos breaks out everywhere. The wind goes through Xander, causing him to drop his toy gun out of the frame. When he recovers, he hoists a real military-issue rifle up in its place. On the porch, Willow's sexily dressed self steps up out of her ghost self. It takes her about a second and a half to realize that she's a real ghost. This from the girl who couldn't tell the difference between Buffy and the 'bot. She hears gunfire. Xander is shooting at some demonic targets. Plenty of kids didn't turn into monsters, and they're screaming their heads off. Willow runs up to Xander, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't recognize her. He starts to leave, but Willow runs in front of him, and he walks right through her. She looks momentarily pleased. Ew. He points the gun at her, like that's going to help. Willow urgently explains what's happened, namely that they've become what they were dressed as for Halloween. A short demon happens by. Not "who's a little fear demon" short, but short. Xander takes aim, but Willow warns him that there's still a little kid in there. She goes on that they need to find -- Buffy appears in the frame behind Xander -- "Buffy!" Willow asks if she's all right, but a couple more demon-kids move to accost them. Xander says they have a situation, and Willow asks Buffy what they should do. Buffy faints away. Ha!

Xander lays down some warning fire, and the demon-kids retreat. Willow asks Buffy if she's okay, but Buffy doesn't know who she is either. Willow: "She's not Buffy." Xander: "Who's Buffy?" Willow: "Oh, this is fun." Hee! It totally is. Willow asks Buffy what year it is, and the answer is 1775. That answer, by the way, comes in a "British accent." SMG's try at a British accent is awful, but it's still much easier on the ears than David Boreanaz's "Irish accent," so I'm going to do her a favor and just not mention it again. Buffy stands and asks a bunch of tiresome questions about their situation. Thankfully, she's interrupted by another demon-kid. Xander clocks it with the butt of his rifle, and suggests they get inside. Buffy starts yammering about a demon, but it's just a car. They revisited this joke in "Spin The Bottle" recently, and it was about as funny. Xander salvages the situation by asking, "Is this woman insane?" Hee. Willow explains that Buffy's from the past. Xander asks where they should go. Willow thinks.

Soon, we're Chez Summers. The kids come in the back door, and Willow calls for Joyce, but, as expected, she's not there. The kids hear a ruckus at the front door. Willow tells Xander not to open it, as it could be a "mini-demon." Hee. I find the term "mini-demon" hilarious for some reason. Buffy looks around, finds a picture of herself, and notes that it could be her. Willow corrects her that it is her, and asks if she really can't remember anything. Buffy 18th-century-ditz-blurts some nonsense about wanting to go home. Willow rolls her eyes. "She couldn't have dressed up like Xena?" I loved Xena. Shout-out? Probably not. A mini-demon hand crashes through one of the small windows on the front door. Xander sticks his gun out the window and fires repeatedly. Willow freaks that he might have shot a kid. Xander: "Big noise scare monster, remember?" I like this soldier Xander. Can we keep him? We hear a signature Cordy scream. Xander runs outside. Buffy rushes up to Willow: "Surely he'll not desert us?" Willow: "Whatever." Couch Baron: "Word."