...With A Vengeance

S02E03

So this is my twenty-fifth recap. How time flies. I have no idea if I'll get to fifty, so I'll celebrate while I can. Also, this is the first recap I've written after getting back from the TWoP writer's summit in Vegas. Such a funny, smart group of people is our staff. Since I don't have a journal, a few quick shout-outs: my fellow Buffy recappers Ace and Sep, for being so nice and funny; Shack, for being a very easy roommate; lounge denizens and fellow trash-talkers Wing Chun, Kim, and Strega; drinking and gambling buddies Omar G, AB Chao, Pamie, and Stee; and as usual, last but never least, Sars, for keeping me from going insane during our hellacious trip out there. Say it with me: Vegas, baby! ["Woo! ...Got a light?" -- Sars]

After a quick establishing shot of the school, we're in Snyder's office. He's giving a speech about how the speakees should think of him as "judge, jury, and executioner." And "very entertaining weasel." He walks around to his desk, and we see that one of the lecturees is a tall, fairly pretty, and very bored-looking girl. Oh, all right, it's Sheila. Snyder asks who they think is the most troublesome student in the school. Sheila pointedly looks to her right, and the camera pans over to show a nervous-looking Buffy. Hee. Snyder goes on that they're well matched. He points out that Buffy has never stabbed a horticulture teacher with a trowel. Sheila grins that she actually used pruning shears. Snyder continues that Sheila, on the other hand, has never burned down a school building. Buffy: "Well, that was never proven. The fire marshals said it could have been mice." Snyder glares. Buffy: "Mice...that were smoking?" Heh. Although, in Buffy's defense, I'd point out that she hasn't burned down any Sunnydale High buildings. Hell, she hasn't even blown one up yet. Snyder goes on that they're tied in cutting and fight-starting, and that the race is quite exciting. Sheila, still grinning, asks what the winner gets. Snyder, evenly: "Expelled." He goes on that Thursday is Parent-Teacher Night. "Your parents, assuming you have any, will meet your teachers" -- he looks at Sheila -- "assuming you have any left." I love Snyder. I would add, though, that if he didn't have it so in for Buffy, he probably would have expelled Sheila just based on her attitude in this meeting. Snyder says that he's putting the two of them in charge of the event as a way for them to incur his goodwill. Buffy looks appropriately scared, but says she's clear on what he wants. Snyder makes another threat.

By Couch Baron

Outside, Buffy tries to make a plan with Sheila, who yells to someone called "Meat Pie," and walks off. Xander and Willow join Buffy. Xander somehow already knows the task Snyder has assigned them. We see Meat Pie, who looks like he's in costume for the title role in the major motion picture Fabio Goes To West Hollywood. Xander and Willow talk about how "bad" Sheila is, which is almost always a false description in TV-land. Exhibit A: Jen Lindley. Buffy mopes that Snyder thinks she's as bad as Sheila, and that as the Slayer she sometimes needs to cut classes and fight. Xander says it's no big deal, as long as something bad doesn't happen. Buffy and Willow round on him for jinxing them, saying that now something bad is destined to happen. Willow: "What were you thinking?" Willow, it's Xander. He and his cerebellum aren't exactly on speaking terms. Buffy and Willow stomp off. Xander weakly calls after them that maybe nothing will happen. C'mon, Xander -- this isn't "Older And Far Away."

Night. "Welcome To Sunnydale" sign. A pickup truck runs over it. There's no one in the passenger seat. Maybe Dru's lying down in the back. Punk music plays as the door opens and we see a boot hit the ground. The camera pans up the famous duster to show Spike in vamp face, cigarette in his mouth. He lights up, and smirks to himself, "Home sweet home." Now that's what I'm talking about. Credits.

Factory. Some loser in vamp face is blathering about how someone needs to take the Master's place, and that the one that kills the Slayer should wear his mantle. Or his leather jacket -- it was pretty cool. The Anointed One asks Yakula if he can do it, and he says yes. He exposits that the coming Saturday is the Night of St. Vigeous, and that their power will be at its peak. He chatters that when he kills her, it'll be the greatest event since the Crucifixion. "And I should know," he smarms, "I was there." Behind him, Spike's sneering voice cuts in, "You were there? Please!" He continues that if every vamp that said he was at the Crucifixion were telling the truth, it would have been like Woodstock. Without the music or the drugs, of course. Although I hear that human blood is like a drug these days. Great. I enjoy addiction metaphors on this show about as much as I enjoyed having shingles. Getting back to pleasant episodes, Yakula makes an impotent threat. Spike turns and walks away, reminiscing that he was actually at Woodstock. "I fed off a flower person, and I spent the six hours watching my hand move." Yakula rushes at him, but Spike closes that hand into a fist and knocks Yakula out without looking back. Ha! Back in 1997, I fell in love with Spike at that very moment, not least because he spared us any further lines from Yakula for the rest of the scene.

By Couch Baron

Spike approaches the Anointed One, saying he's read about him, and introduces himself. A henchvamp, whose right eye is so displaced I'm going to call him Mad-Eye Henchvamp, gets in his face, but Spike just smirks and ignores him. He goes on that he knows about the A.O.'s Slayer problem. "Do you know what I find works real good with Slayers? Killing them." A lesson that many villains on this show would do well to learn. The A.O. asks if he can do it. Spike says he's killed a couple Slayers, but he doesn't like to brag. After a beat, he continues, "Who am I kidding. I love to brag!" Man alive, he was hot even in vamp face back then. He starts to tell the tale about the Boxer Rebellion Slayer, but we see that Dru is walking up behind him, dressed in a Gothic white nightie-like dress. Spike turns his head to her and morphs to his human visage, saying she shouldn't be walking around, as she's weak. Dru asks if the A.O. & Co. are nice "people," and Spike says they're getting along. Dru, stepping toward the A.O., says she can feel his power. You're the only one, sister. She asks him if he likes daisies, and goes on that she plants them, but they always die. "Everything I put in the ground withers and dies." Oh, so Dru put just about every good thing about this show in the ground! That explains an awful lot. Buffy's spunkiness? In the ground! Willow's personality? In the ground! Any sort of enjoyable group dynamic? In the bloody ground! Back in the Shangri-La of Season Two, the A.O. is clearly discomfited by Crazy Daisy Lady. Looking skyward, Dru says that she's cold, and Spike gives her his duster. I swoon. She crazies that she's a princess, and Spike happily agrees. She runs a fingernail down his cheek, drawing blood, and laps it up, bringing exchange of bodily fluids to a whole new level of "ew." They lean in to kiss, but before their lips meet, they slowly turn to regard their audience, smiling all Sid and Nancy. Spike menaces that he and Dru are moving in, and if anyone wants to test who's got "the biggest wrinklies," to step up. He tells the A.O. that he'll kill the Slayer in exchange for the A.O. keeping his "flunkies" off Spike's back. The A.O. agrees. The flunkies groan in disappointment. Dru loons that she can't see the Slayer. "It's dark where she is. Kill her, Spike. Kill her for princess?" Spike says it's as good as done, and Dru calls him her "sweet." Aw. Look at the cute, photogenic, really really evil vampires! As I said, I fell in love with Spike immediately, and I liked Dru quite a bit at first too, until she got all Angelus-happy. Spike and Dru gaze adoringly at each other, then turn back to the A.O. Spike asks him about the Slayer. "Is she tough?" I don't know, but your butchering of your accent there was, James honey.

The Ironic Segue Fairy brings us to Buffy, who whinges as she brushes some tangles out of her hair. Joyce pops in and says she just got the mail, in which there was a reminder notice about Parent-Teacher Night. She asks if Buffy was going to tell her about it. Buffy hems and haws. Joyce asks what she can expect to hear from Buffy's teachers. Buffy hems and haws. Joyce asks how her test scores have been. Buffy: "Do I have to use semaphore flags to spell it out for you, Mom?" Or, the version that actually aired: "What can you really tell about a person from a test score?" Joyce: "Whether or not she's ever going out with her friends again." Buffy: "Oh, that." Heh. Joyce gives a heartfelt speech about how she knows tests and grades aren't everything, but she really doesn't want to be disappointed in Buffy again. That "disappointed" card is a parent's ace in the hole. Watch out for it, kids. And I liked Joyce a lot, but if how Buffy's doing in school is that important to her, she might be checking on Buffy's homework and test scores a little more often, no? Buffy says that she's trying, but she's under a lot of pressure. Joyce: "Wait 'til you get a job." She leaves. Buffy opens a drawer with Slayer-y stuff inside. Looking in the mirror, she anvils, "I have a job." Me too, and clunky lines like that one don't make it any easier.

School. In the lounge, Buffy and Willow are working on a banner. Willow jabbers something about bars and raids and Sheila. Buffy asks Willow to help her cram some French that night. She doesn't specify where she wants to cram it, but I'm pretty sure Wing could help her out with a few ideas. Willow reminds Buffy that they're supposed to go to the Bronze, because Buffy thought Angel might show up. I did find it cute how much Willow cheerleaded Buffy's relationship with Angel, and I never, ever cynically thought that maybe her ulterior motive was to keep Buffy away from Xander. Until now. I still don't really think that, but it's in my head now. Stupid job. Uh-oh -- I smell yet another firing coming on. Xander predictably tells Buffy to study and ditch Angel. Shut up, Xander. Buffy says she's going to the Bronze: "I can study, and party, and do Parent-Teacher Night, and make my mother proud, as long as I don't have to" -- "Buffy," Giles's voice cuts in -- "fight vampires." Heh.

Giles and Miss Calendar are arguing about something. Giles tells them that Miss Calendar has calculated that the coming Saturday night is the Night Of St. Vigeous. Was that what they did on their second date? Not that I haven't had a lot worse, mind you; I'm just wondering. Giles explains that St. Vigeous led a crusade of vamps that wreaked destruction in Europe. He does not satisfactorily explain at any time during this episode why that night affords the vamps any special power, or how often it occurs (if it were an annual event, they would already have known on what day it fell). Giles, don't give weak exposition, please. It's unseemly and makes me sad -- sort of like standing in line at Macy's during the holiday season. Buffy says that after Parent-Teacher Night, she'll see what she can do. The rest of the scene is stuff we've seen before -- Giles lectures Buffy on her responsibilities and how she must fight alone, and then has to do some hasty covering when someone (Snyder, in this case) overhears a Slayer-related reference. Sigh. Don't apply this to the current season, but can we have more Spike, please? Giles and Miss Calendar beat a retreat. Snyder asks Willow and Xander if they're helping Buffy in Sheila's place. They deny it, but he puffs out his chest in anticipation of an expulsion. Buffy says that Sheila just went to get more paint, and Sheila chooses the right moment to appear on the scene. Buffy yammers more cover story, and Sheila looks at her like she only wishes she had another pair of pruning shears. I think she'd even settle for a trowel. Snyder tells them to make sure everything's perfect on Thursday, and leaves. Sheila thanks Buffy for covering for her, then asks, "Did you really burn down a school building one time?" Buffy: "Not actually one time." Sheila: "You got street cred, yo!" Or, she might have said, "Cool." I was reading between the line.

Bronze. Xander dances in the background as Buffy translates a sentence into French. It's hard to say which effort is the more tragic. And considering that Buffy's translation ended up meaning, "The cow should touch me from Thursday," I think you get the idea that Xander isn't exactly in line to succeed Baryshnikov. Buffy: "Je stink." Heh. Actually, I guess that's "Je stinke." Xander comes up and convinces them to take a break and dance. As they go, we see Spike slowly step out of the shadows. He watches Buffy for a little while, then tells Yakula to "go get something to eat." Advice Yakula often followed as a human, I'm guessing. Spike walks to within earshot of the Scoobs, and loudly says that some big guy is trying to bite someone outside. Buffy runs out to the alley, where Yakula is about to take a break from talking and bite some girl. Buffy pulls him off. He smiles, "Slayer." She smiles, "Slayee." Hee. Gauntlets thrown, they fight. Yakula's a decent fighter, but not nearly good enough to justify his trash-talking. Willow and Xander appear. Buffy yells to them to get the girl to safety, and also that a stake would be nice. Spike watches from a discreet distance. Inside, Xander goes through Buffy's purse. He finds a yo-yo, which is a nice bit of continuity from "Some Assembly Required," then a tampon, which he hilariously throws up in the air like a hot potato when he realizes what it is, and finally a stake. He runs back out. Yakula manages to throw Buffy to the ground, but takes the time to gab some more. Buffy thankfully kicks him in the face and gets to her feet. Yakula tells Spike to give him a hand, addressing him by name, and goes at Buffy again. But Xander chucks the stake to Buffy, and she quickly stakes Yakula. Huzzah! Yakula belatedly gets the hand he asked for as Spike starts clapping. The show used to be so good -- I just know they did that purposely. The Scoobs regard him warily as he compliments Buffy's work. She asks who he is, and he tells her she'll find out on Saturday. What happens on Saturday? "I kill you." He withdraws. Hey, come back here and say that! Buffy looks wigged.

Sheila comes out of the Bronze, flanked by two guys. She seems to think she's hitting on them, but considering that they're dressed like they're en route to a gay porn shoot, I think she's wasting her time. The fact that their names are apparently "Dwayne" and "Dell" isn't doing much to sway my opinion. She blathers about how they said they have a Cadillac (did they buy it together?) and teenages that she's "crazy about a Cad." Whatever, Rayanne Graff. The camera pans left to block Gay Porn Star #1 out, then pans back to show that he's gone. Sheila smarms, "Where'd you go?" When she looks back, Gay Porn Star #2 is gone as well. No longer amused, she looks around, and bumps into Spike. She asks who he is. "Who do you want me to be?" I can think of a number of possibilities. She asks if he saw -- he cuts in, "Those two losers who thought they were good enough for you?" You can practically hear her melting onto the alley. Unless that was me. She asks what happened to them, and he says they got sleepy. "And you got something a whole lot better." He walks off, and she follows, calling, "Hey! What's your name?" As the camera follows her, we see the two guys lying on the ground, dead or unconscious. They're positioned head-to-toe. Coincidence?

Library. Giles reiterates that Yakula called Spike "Spike," and wonders if he has another name. Several, if you count "Blondie Bear" and "Boo-Boo." More blather about the Night of St. Contrivance. Well, really. I wish they'd just call plot points like this "the Night of St. A Wizard Did It" so I know not to try to figure them out. It would make things so much easier. Willow wonders if they could hide on Saturday, especially if Spike is leading the attack. Giles says he can't be worse than any other creature she's faced. Giles obviously has yet to get Buffy's jinx lecture. On cue, Angel's voice cuts in: "He's worse. Once he starts something, he doesn't stop, until everything in his path is dead." Or laid. Buffy, not one to let a vicious murderer get in the way of her love life, says that she thought Angel said he might show up at the Bronze. Angel counters that she said she wasn't sure she was going. Considering that he was snooping around dumpsters trying to locate her in this last episode, I find this restraint a bit difficult to buy. Buffy says she was being cool. That's a matter of opinion. She opines that at his age, he should know what a girl means when she says "maybe [she'll] show." Really? Because from what I know from my girlfriends, it's equally likely to mean "I wouldn't be any more definite to be there if I were meeting Brad Pitt" or "I'd rather be the middle of a Drew Carey/Louie Anderson sandwich than show up to meet you." So I can't really blame Angel for getting this one wrong. (Oh, and sorry for that image.) Willow muses about the number of dates Angel must have had at his age. Not clear on that one either. Giles, thankfully, brings the conversation back to business. Looking down at a book, he asks Angel if Spike goes by any other names, but when everyone looks in Angel's direction, he's gone already. Jeez, now that you're in the opening credits, could you stick around long enough to give your love interest some useful information, Stealth Guy?

Factory. We hear chanting. The camera pans across a TV playing static, and a collection of dolls. Music-box music starts to play over the chanting. We hear Dru: "Miss Edith speaks out of turn." What did she say? "I'm sick of your faux-crazy rantings, bitch! And could you pronounce an 'H' once in a while"? Dru's hand reaches in to turn Miss Edith's face to the wall, and says that she's a bad example. Spike appears and asks Dru if she's going to eat anything. Dru bleats that she's not 'ungry, and that she misses Prague. Spike points out that she nearly died in Prague. "Idiot mob." Hee. He goes on that the Hellmouth will restore her health. They lie on the bed and listen to the chanting, expositing that it's in preparation for the Night of St. Contrivance. Dru tells Spike he should join them in order to make nice with the A.O. We see that Sheila is tied up and gagged in the corner. Despite her "bad" persona, she doesn't seem too happy about it. Dru crazies something about her hair falling out. Spike agrees to go "get chanty," but says that Dru has to eat something, and throws Sheila to her. He leaves. Dru turns Sheila toward the dolls. "You see, Miss Edith? If you'd been good you could watch with the rest." Miss Edith: "Nothing I haven't seen before, 'Brit' girl." Quick cut to the dolls, and then Dru's in vamp face. Sheila cowers in terror, and Dru vamp-growls and bites her.

By Couch Baron

Library. Giles locates a passage about Spike in his research, and explains about the William the Bloody crap. Giles notes that Spike is younger than Angel, but then trails off. Xander asks what's wrong. Giles says that perhaps they should run away this weekend, as Spike has fought two Slayers in the past century, and has killed them both. "Killed"? Spike? What do you mean? He's just a harmless fluffy bouncy bunny!

In the lounge, Buffy and Willow stand up as Joyce and Snyder return. Joyce tells Buffy to get in the car immediately, which is parent-speak for "you're in for a world of pain." Snyder makes a hilarious face behind Buffy. Joyce and Buffy start to leave as Snyder turns out the lights to the lounge. Suddenly, several vamps come crashing through the large window. The people retreat in horror as the vamps assemble in a tight formation. Spike: "What can I say? Couldn't wait." And I'm so very glad you didn't.

The vamps start to charge in, but Buffy throws a chair at Spike, which knocks him into some other vamps. The humans start running every which way, but there are vamps blocking every exit. Spike grabs an older faculty member and yells that no one is to escape, especially the Slayer. Buffy leads Joyce, Snyder, and a few other adults down a hallway, buying them a little time by rolling a janitor's cart into a couple vamps. That momentarily leaves an exit open, and Willow and Cordy go for it, but another vamp grabs Cordy. Willow grabs a marble bust and clocks the vamp in the head with it. Old Willow, Old Willow! Although I can't imagine she was really strong enough to wield that effectively. She and Cordy scamper into a utility closet. Giles, Miss Calendar, and Xander run out of the library upon hearing the commotion, but Buffy yells at them to get back inside. They comply, and barricade themselves in. Buffy shepherds her group into a classroom and does the same, locking the other entrance as well. Mad-Eye Henchvamp reports in to Spike, saying that they cut the power and nobody got out, but he doesn't know where the Slayer is. Frustrated, Spike turns to his human prisoner. "I'm a veal kind of guy. You're too old to eat." He snaps his neck. "But not to kill." Come back to the -- oh, forget it. Spike says he feels better. Me too, from recapping his old, bad self.

Giles tries to call for help, but discovers that the phones have been cut. He then remembers about the exit in the stacks. I don't know why the vamps aren't using it. Maybe they're in such a frenzy from chanting that they forgot about it. Giles instructs Xander to go get Angel. Xander is reluctant to leave without news of his friends, but Giles points out that no one will survive unless they get some help. Xander sets off.

By Couch Baron

Library. Willow, Miss Calendar, Xander, and Cordelia (who I guess after "Some Assembly Required" is now in the Scooby Gang) do various weapon-related chores. Buffy holds up an extremely large knife, then starts chopping away. The camera pans down to reveal that she's cutting vegetables. Hee. Giles "explains" that the vamps will scourge themselves into a fury, culminating in a savage attack on the Night of St. Contrivance. Whatever. Does that mean our powers are at their height when we work ourselves into a frenzy over poor episodes? Because if so, I'd stay away from Sep for a while. Xander: "Does anybody remember when Saturday night used to be 'date night'?" Cordy: "You sure don't." Hee. Buffy says the parents will be there in an hour, and wonders if she's forgotten anything. Willow: "Punch." I'd suggest not saying ambiguous things like that to a Slayer, dear. Buffy says she's going to check the lounge, and walks out. Xander and Cordy reach for the vegetables. Buffy pops her head back in: "No." Hee.

Lounge. Willow eagerly asks what kind of punch Buffy made. The answer is fresh lemonade. Willow asks how much sugar she used. Buffy: "Sugar?" Willow contorts her face from the tartness. Ha! She manages that it's very good. Buffy says that her mission is to keep her mom and Snyder from crossing paths. On cue, Joyce appears, and asks Buffy if she handled the preparations. Buffy acknowledges that, and offers her mom some lemonade. to her, Willow surreptitiously shakes her head. Hee. Luckily, Snyder catches sight of this little scene. Buffy says that she has to stay and hostess, but that Willow can show Joyce the library. However, they remember what's going on in there, and decide on French class instead. Bonne idée. Pas. Willow hurries Joyce away just in time to avoid Snyder. He asks Buffy if that was her mother. Buffy says yes, but that she wouldn't have said much, as "she doesn't speak a word of English." Good cover, Harriet the Spy. Snyder stomps off.

We get a look at the clock, which reads 6:15, then fades ahead to 8:45. The lounge is full of people. Cordy comes out and bitches to Buffy about being on weapons detail, then makes a snide comment about Buffy's complexion. They catch sight of Joyce, and Cordy notes that she knows how to moisturize. "Did it, like, skip a generation?" I feel like there's a joke in there about Gen X Charisma Carpenter playing Gen Y Cordy, but I'm too tired to think of it. Joyce and Willow join them, and Joyce says that she's been to every classroom, but all of Buffy's teachers had mysteriously stepped out. Nice job, Willow. Snyder comes into view, and Buffy babbles that Joyce hasn't seen the boiler room yet. Well, say hi to Jordan Catalano for me. Snyder accosts them, and rudely tells Joyce that they need to talk. With a wary look at Buffy, Joyce follows Snyder. Cordy snickers that Buffy will still be grounded at her tenth high school reunion. Willow: "Cordelia! Have some lemonade!" Cordy goes to try it. Ha! Come back to the five and dime, Old Willow, Old Willow!

Snyder paces until Joyce exasperatedly tells him to sit down. He rails that this can't be happening in his school. Joyce: "Well, then, I guess the danger's over!" Hee. This episode is where Joyce started to come into her own as a character, I think. Some extra says he's not waiting around any more, and runs for the window. Joyce: "Don't be an idiot!" Snyder snarks that he sees a "mother-daughter resemblance." The extra opens the window. Joyce repeats Buffy's instructions to them, but Snyder Snydes that she's just a student. They start to pry open the metal slats across the window.

Outside, a vamp tries unsuccessfully to break down the door. He tells Spike it's solid. Spike tells him to use his head, then grabs him and shoves his head through the glass housing an emergency axe. Hee. Spike hands him the axe and stalks off, summoning another henchvamp to accompany him. Inside, the slats are open wide enough for the extra to climb through, but before he can get all the way out, he starts flailing about as we hear vamp growls. Joyce pushes Snyder aside, replaces the slats, and closes the window. Use-Your-Head Vamp hacks away at the door. Elsewhere, Spike and a female vamp try to zero in on Buffy's location. On the lawn, Xander and Angel view the impatient extra's corpse. Xander asks Angel if he has a plan. By way of answering, Angel grabs him and pulls him away. In the utility closet, Cordy says she thinks Spike is gone, but Willow points out that he could come back. Cordy asks what they should do. Willow: "Pray." Yeah, for more taut, well-written episodes like this one.

Ceiling. Buffy crawls. Spike and the henchvamp take long metal poles and start poking through the ceiling, almost hitting Buffy at one point. Use-Your-Head Vamp hacks away some more, then rounds the corner to tell his mate to guard the other door, as he's almost through. He returns to strike the final blow, but Buffy drops through the ceiling onto him. She raises the stake on high, and after it drops, we hear combustion sounds. Lesson: status reports are unnecessary and harmful, despite what middle managers may tell you. Buffy rushes to the door, through which she can now see part of Joyce's face. (The hole wasn't big enough for Joyce to see Buffy stake the vamp, by the way.) Joyce tells Buffy to escape, but Buffy instructs her to wait until she tells her to open the door. Buffy peers around the corner, but hears a noise behind her. It's Sheila. I forgot about her. She apologizes for being late (like, the fact that the event is over should have raised a red flag, even if it's Sheila we're talking about) and says that there are "some really weird guys outside." Yes, Xander and Angel are more than a little strange. Buffy whispers that "they're trying to kill us." Sheila smiles and picks up the axe. "This should be fun."

Spike and the henchvamp poke away (not like that) until something catches Spike's eye. "Angelus!" It's Angel, vamped out and holding Xander. They embrace, although Spike gets an ambiguous look when his face is on Angel's shoulder. Maybe Angel forgot to take a shower, but that doesn't seem too likely, looking at his hair. Angel chides Spike for not having someone guard his perimeter, but Spike says that he's "surrounded by idiots." Well, he certainly is now. They chat about the Slayer. Angel says he's been fooling her with the "I'm all tortured" act. Spike chuckles, "People still fall for that Anne Rice routine? What a world!" Ha! Xander says he knew Angel was lying, calling him "undead liar guy." If you think about it, from Spike's point of view, it's a little intriguing to speculate on how Angel caught Xander using that particular act. Angel exposes the back of Xander's neck. "Want a bite before we kill her?"

Buffy slowly walks around the corner and tells Sheila to stay behind her. Stake raised, she walks toward the vamp guarding the door, who has his back to her. As she walks by the camera, we see that Sheila is now in vamp face. Ruh roh! She raises the axe.

Is Little Caesar's still around? Because their commercials rocked.

Sheila's about to swing when Giles shouts a warning. Buffy turns and blocks the axe, then grabs it away and knocks Sheila down with it. The other vamp, who looks like Paul Reiser in vamp face, rushes over. Buffy swings the axe at him. He ducks, and the axe buries itself in the wall. He smiles, but looks down to see a stake in his heart. He falls and combusts. Good. He was such a dick in Aliens. Buffy looks over at Sheila. Considering how dim she was as a human, it's surprising to see that she's no fool now, as she quickly withdraws. Buffy returns to Joyce, telling her to open the door. The adults run into the library. Buffy tells Joyce she'll be there in a minute, and rushes off. Joyce looks worried.

Spike and Angel chat. Spike wonders why Angel hasn't taken care of the Slayer. Angel counters that he saw Buffy kill the Master, and if Spike thinks he can take her himself, to have at it. Insert Season Six "taking her" joke here. Spike says not to be silly, that they'll kill her together, and proposes they drink to it. They lean in to bite Xander, but Spike punches Angel, saying he can't fool him. "You were my sire, man! You were my Yoda!" I think Angel would be much more entertaining if he spoke like Yoda. "Break up we must now, Buffy! Your future must we consider!" Oh, and as for the "sire" thing, insert "retcon" definition here. Incidentally, I never found it difficult to believe that Angel could be Spike's sire instead of Drusilla -- it would have been pretty much the same vibe as with Penn in "Somnambulist." Angel says that things change. Spike: "Not us! Not demons!" Would that that were true in your case, Count Schmoopula. He goes on, "Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom!" Ha! He picks up one of the metal poles, telling his crew that they're not involved in a spectator sport. The henchvamps rush them, and Xander and Angel run out. Spike, however, senses something behind him. "Fee, fi, fo, fum. I smell the blood of a nice, ripe...girl." He turns to regard Buffy, who's holding the axe. She asks if they really need weapons. He says they make him feel "all manly," and strokes himself in a manner designed to provoke an "Oh, take me, you naughty, naughty boy!" from the audience. Not that it worked on me, of course. Nevertheless, he throws aside his weapon, and Buffy follows suit. He menaces that the last Slayer he killed begged for her life. I think he's just tale-telling about that last part. He goes on that Buffy doesn't seem like the begging type. Too easy. After a bit more posturing, he smiles, "As a personal favor, from me to you, I'll make it quick. It won't hurt a bit." Buffy: "No, Spike. It's gonna hurt a lot." And with that, they're off. The fight's pretty good, really.

Giles ushers people out, but Joyce hesitates. Even though he was far ahead of her, I'd have thought he'd pay special attention to getting her out.

On the lawn, Xander is getting his ass kicked. Shocker. Angel saves him, and the henchvamps flee.

Spike throws Buffy into a wall. Then he punches, but she ducks, and his hand goes through the wall. She kicks him for good measure. He mutters that that hurt. However, he pulls a wooden beam out of the wall and clocks Buffy with it. "But not as much as this will." He raises the beam on high, but the axe from earlier beans him on the head, knocking him down. He looks up to see a very mama-bear-looking Joyce. "You get the hell away from my daughter." Buffy gets to her feet. Spike snarls, "Women!" and takes off. Joyce: "Nobody lays a hand on my little girl." They embrace. This Not Without My Daughter moment was brought to you by Joss Whedon.

Outside, police cars are on the scene. Snyder confers with the cop in charge. Giles and Miss Calendar exit the building. Giles says he'll understand if she starts avoiding him. Foreshadowing mouths "The Dark Age" to me. Miss Calendar smiles and takes Giles's arm. Aw.

Xander asks why Angel didn't hit Spike. Angel says he had to know whether Spike was buying his act. When you put it that way, what were the chances? Xander asks what would have happened if Spike had bitten him. Angel: "We would have known he bought it." A fine, fine Angel moment there. Xander asks him what a sire is, but he doesn't answer. Possibly because Joss hadn't decided yet.

The cop says he needs a story to tell the Mayor (yay!), and asks if the usual "gang-related PCP" chestnut is what he wants. Snyder asks if he'd prefer the truth. Cop: "Right. Gang-related, PCP." Hee. And Snyder knows something after all!

Buffy asks Joyce what she and Snyder talked about. Joyce says that Snyder said that Buffy is a troublemaker, but she "could care less." Groan. Joyce, you were doing so well this episode, and then you had to bust out one of my biggest grammatical pet peeves. Joyce goes on: "I have a daughter who can take care of herself, who's brave, and resourceful, and thinks of others in a crisis." She says she'll sleep better knowing that. Buffy asks how long before Joyce starts nagging her again. Joyce: "At least a week and a half." Buffy: "Very cool!" Aw.

In the utility closet, Cordy is praying out loud for God to get them out of their jam as Willow gives her a double dose of the stink-eye. I think they just couldn't resist a goofy scene here -- I don't think Cordy would be talking if they still thought they were in danger, nor do I think Buffy would have forgotten about them. Cordy goes on that she won't be mean to anyone, unless they really deserve it or it's "that time of the month." Willow: "Ask for some aspirin." Cordy starts to comply, then snaps, "Hey!" Hee.

By Couch Baron

Is Little Caesar's still around? Because their commercials rocked.

By Couch Baron

Giles ushers people out, but Joyce hesitates. Even though he was far ahead of her, I'd have thought he'd pay special attention to getting her out.

On the lawn, Xander is getting his ass kicked. Shocker. Angel saves him, and the henchvamps flee.