First of all, because it can't be said too often, love and props to Ace, Sep, Sars, Wing, and Glark. Second, Sars gave me the chance to sniff around Season One before I hit my Season Three stretch run, so here I am. Apologies for doing this episode out of order, but I've got it on video, and since I just completed an international move, you'll take what you get and like it.
We open in the sewers. We hear footsteps, and a shadow appears on the wall in front of us. It looks like it's being cast by Pippi Longstocking holding a stake. Pippi Longstaking? No, my mistake, it's Buffy "Why Yes, I Am An Only Child. How Did You Know?" Summers, in pigtails. She looks around warily, and goes further in. There are lots of lit candles around, which would indicate that she's expecting to find someone. She walks around the far side of a support pole, and on the near side we see the Master quickly steal his way around. I jumped the first time I saw that. She continues on, then whirls around upon hearing something behind her. The Master hisses. She holds her stake on high, but fear and horror are plain on her face, and she drops her arm and lets it fall from her fingers. She backs up to the wall, and he moves in. He slowly extends his hand, and closes it around her throat. He leans in to bite her, and she screams, "No!" which she shouldn't be able to do while being choked. Then again, it is a dream.
Buffy's lying in bed, moaning "No, no!" as Joyce "Boy, Am I Glad My Character Was Written Better After The First Season" Summers tries to wake her. She finally succeeds, and Buffy stares at her. I marvel at the size of Buffy's "dinners" (tm Keckler's grandmother) back then. Those things are really saying "Howdy!" if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Joyce tells Buffy that it's time to go to school, and Buffy's psyched. Joyce: "Good day to buy that lottery ticket." Heh. Except for the first "H." Her lines sucked back then. She says she spoke to Buffy's father. Buffy's anxious about whether he's coming, but Joyce assures her that they're "on for this weekend."
School. Buffy and Willow "The Longer The Hair, The Bigger The Square" Rosenberg walk down the hall and talk about Buffy's dad. Buffy says she doesn't see him that often, as he's in L.A., and gives a few details of the divorce. Willow is so sympathetic, I barely even recognize her. She says that her parents don't even fight. "Sometimes they glare." She asks if Buffy knows why her parents split up. Buffy says she didn't ask, but she knows she didn't help because she was always in slaying-related trouble. Willow says she's sure that didn't have anything to do with it, and Buffy gamely agrees.
Classroom. Cordelia "I Can't Remember The Last Time I Got Carded" Chase is checking her make-up in a hand mirror when a shadow passes over her. She chastises a boy (that's a stretch -- he looks older than she does) who's got his hair pulled back in a manner that on TV screams "sensitive eccentric." Xander "Hormones Are A Boy's Best Friend" Harris appears: "Wendell, what is wrong with you? Don't you know that she is the center of the universe and the rest of us merely revolve around her?" Cordy: "You finally learned something worth knowing." Well, she said that with her facial expression. Buffy and Willow enter, and are informed about the getting-in-Cordy's-light incident. Willow: "Why is she so Evita-like?" Buffy: "I think it's the hair." Heh. Xander asks if there was any homework, and I seriously wonder why he didn't just start that contracting career at age sixteen. Willow says they're doing "active listening." I prefer "active ignoring" and "active hating," but that's just me. Xander wonders what active listening is, and even Buffy is totally like, "Duh!" She, Willow, and Wendell explain that it was the homework, and that their teacher, Miss Tischler, demonstrated it the day with him. Buffy says that Miss Tischler was wearing a tight sweater. Xander: "Oh, the midnight blue angora! See, I was listening." Uh, has he already forgotten "Teacher's Pet"? Then again, that episode sucked. Sars, have you forgotten it yet? ["I had until just now, JACKASS." -- Sars] We see Miss Tischler, who's been shopping at the same clothing stores as Miss French. Tight white sweater and leopard-print skirt. I guess she didn't want Buffy's dinners to get all the attention. She mentions active listening, and Xander goes for the dork gold medal five minutes in by cupping his hands around his ears. And I'm sure they're not the only things perking up, thanks to the sweater. Buffy and Willow snicker to each other. The teacher's amused, because this is TV. She lectures a bit, and as she does, Buffy drops her pencil. When she leans over to pick it up, she sees a young boy standing in the doorway. Scary music plays. The teacher asks Wendell to read a passage from the textbook. He opens his copy, and several large spiders scuttle out of it. He yells, and everyone starts screaming, the teacher most loudly. Way to keep cool in a crisis. There's a quick, hilarious shot of the teacher and Cordy standing side by side screaming their heads off, made even funnier by the fact that Cordy looks older than the teacher. Wendell screams for someone to help him. The boy looks on impassively. "Sorry about that."
Credits. I always love the final shot, since it's of Buffy in one of many kick-ass poses, but the one from this season, where she slowly looks up after dusting Luke, is my favorite. Also, I prefer the original ending to the theme song. Thank you for asking.
I taped this during the second season, during a "Buffy: The First Episodes" retrospective, so the commercials aren't quite as old as they should be. However, they're old enough to contain one for Disturbing Behavior. I saw that relatively recently, and then I read Shack's recap of it. I'll leave it to you to guess which was the more enjoyable. For those of you who aren't catching my tone, just read the damn recap.
Underground. The Master and the Anointed One settle in for this week's edition of "A Scenery Chewer And His Electronic-Voiced Disciple." Blah blah blah fear-is-the-most-powerful-force-in-the-world-cakes. The Master goes on that he's afraid of the cross, but he can control his fear, because it's all in his mind. He says that there's a new, psychic force above, and asks if the Anointed One can feel it. A.O.: "I feel change." Yeah, to your contract-renewal status. What a boring character. The Master: "Change, yes. For the worse." Well, not until the fourth season, at least.
The camera pans up through the ground to reveal the school -- the opposite of what it did in "Welcome To The Hellmouth." Joyce and Buffy pull up. So it's the day already? Joyce remarks that Buffy's quiet, and Buffy says it's because she didn't sleep well. Joyce says that Buffy was yelling in her sleep, but Buffy says, not very convincingly, that she doesn't remember what she was dreaming about. Buffy realizes that she forgot her weekend bag, but Joyce easily says that she and her dad can come by and get it after school. Buffy babbles a bit more until Joyce asks her if she's worried that her father won't show. Buffy asks if she should be worried, but Joyce assures her that he'll be there, and that he adores her. Gee, do you think this might come into play later in the episode?
Buffy walks into school, and Willow and Xander greet her. Willow's freaked about the spider incident. Xander doesn't know what the big deal is. Willow doesn't like spiders, and Xander doesn't like Nazis. Fascinating. This episode's a little slow getting out of the gate. Buffy says Rupert "I'm Too Sexy" Giles promised to research the spider incident, and the three of them walk into the library. Giles is nowhere to be seen, and Buffy calls his name. He comes stumbling out of the stacks. Buffy: "Hey Giles, wakey-wakey." Hee. I love it when Buffy acts all California to Giles. He says he got lost in the stacks. Xander touches Willow's shoulder, pretending to be a spider. She's not amused. Xander: "It's funny if you're me." That sentiment applies to just about all of his jokes. Giles suggests that they question Wendell about the incident. I never would have thought of that.
The teens find Wendell outside. Buffy asks him if he'd like to talk about what happened. This episode is boring me so far, so I'm going into fast-forward mode until something good happens. Wendell explains that he used to collect spiders, but when he went away to camp, his brother killed his collection by accident. Since then, Wendell's had a recurring nightmare about spiders, which came true the day in class. He thought he was dreaming again, but then everyone else started screaming too. During this speech, Cordy pops by to tell Buffy that they have a history test. Buffy had no idea, and freaks and runs off.
Buffy sees Cordy holding the classroom door for her. She snarks that Buffy's cut the class almost every day. What the hell kind of color scheme is she working here? A lavender scarf, a black blouse with lavender flowers, a light pink sweater tied around her waist, and hot pink pants? Gah-aah-aack. It's still the most interesting part of the episode so far, though. Buffy wonders how she's going to pass the test. Cordy: "Blind luck?" Hey, it worked for her on the SATs.
Buffy flips through the test, which consists of actual history questions, much to my disappointment. It would have been way funnier if they were questions like "Who's buried in Grant's Tomb? Discuss at length." The clock reads 11:20. Buffy mutters to herself, "At least I know my name." Anvils away! Because things are soon going to be so askew that it'll make her feel like she doesn't know her own name. Sigh. Her pencil point snaps, so she pulls out one of those little sharpeners that take twenty minutes not to work. She looks up again, and the time is now 12:10. She stares in disbelief. The teacher, whose mustache and glasses together look like one of those novelty disguise masks, regards her sternly. The bell rings, and the students hand in their tests and leave. Buffy sees the boy from the first scene in the doorway, but he walks off.
Two random girls chat as they walk down the stairs. They stop in front of the boiler room, and one of them, a fairly pretty brunette, says she's going to go have a cigarette. The boy is watching, and says to no one, "You shouldn't go down there." Sars and I were discussing this episode recently, and we thought the kid looked like Joseph Gordon-Levitt from Third Rock From The Sun, but we realized he would have been too old even then for this role. But that's who he looks like. ["But with dead-badger hair. Sorry, but I've just always wanted to backhand this kid." -- Sars] The girl walks down the stairs, and looks around to see if she's alone. As if there wouldn't be fifty other kids down there puffing away. Or doing naughty things, like on My So-Called Life. She lights up, and as scary music plays, we see a large bald man, one eye gouged out and scars all over his face, lurking in the shadows. He looks a lot like the rebel aliens on The X-Files. He growls, "Lucky 19," and rushes her. She screams, and he smashes her in the face with what appears to be a wooden club that's in place of his right hand. She keeps screaming, he keeps hitting. The camera cuts to a sign on the wall that reads, "Smoking kills." I'd like to think they were being tongue-in-cheek, but given the way they've characterized smokers on this show since, I'm really not sure. Commercials.
Dawson's Creek ad. The Beek and Scott Foley have a pissing contest over Jen. Boy, if anyone ever had a reason to say, "I choose me."
Hospital. Buffy and Giles walk down the hall and exposit that the girl who was attacked is named Laura. They walk into her room, and props to the make-up department, because she really looks like ten miles of rough road. They apologize for disturbing her, but she says she doesn't want to be alone. They ask about the attack, and Laura tells them what happened. In reference to her attacker, she says, "I've never seen anything like it." Buffy and Giles exchange a look, and ask her to describe "it," but she's too freaked out. You know, I really don't understand the acting game. This girl's perfectly nice to look at, and has already displayed more talent and range than Shiri Appleby did in three seasons on Roswell. Maybe it's all in the agent. Buffy says that's okay, and that she can tell them anything, "even if it may seem weird." Laura: "Well, there's this chick named Buffy who I'm always hearing fucked-up shit about -- wait, what was your name?" Actually, she tells them the "Lucky 19" bit. They leave.
Back in the hallway, Buffy and Giles ask Laura's doctor about her condition. He says she'll recover, and that she got off easy. Giles sniffs, "Have you looked up the word lately?" The doctor clarifies that Laura is the second victim, and that the first one is still in a coma. "They found him a week ago. Exact same M.O. as the girl, only he's in worse shape. If he doesn't wake up soon...somebody's gotta stop this guy." Buffy, clunkily and predictably: "Somebody will."
School. Some cheeseball in a leather jacket and sunglasses is telling his friends how he'll fight some guy, and he's not backing down because it's about honor. Whatever, Napoleon McComplex. Willow and Xander appear, and she's talking about Wendell's nightmare coming true. Xander wonders how that might tie in with Laura. We hear a woman's voice belt out, "Oh, there's my little baby!" Cheeseball's mother comes up and gives him a big kiss. Ha! Now that was funny. Cheeseball's mortified, and tries to get his mom to stop, but she keeps on being demonstrative to him, even calling him "Pooky." Hee. His friends and Xander look on, amused. Willow and Xander walk to class, and he babbles on about the connection and how it's probably no big deal, so you know something's about to happen. When they walk into class, everyone gasps and starts laughing and pointing. Willow, in the foreground, thinks they're laughing at her, which could go straight into the "Foreshadowing or Coincidence?" thread on the boards, as a very similar thing happens in "Restless." However, when she looks back, she sees that Xander has been relieved of his clothes, save -- thankfully -- his boxers. He thinks he's dreaming and tries to pinch himself, but when that doesn't work, he runs off screaming. I would have been gone as soon as I saw him.
Giles in the library. He mutters, "This can't be happening." The price of tweed must just have gone up. Buffy walks in, and asks how the research is going. He says he got some back issues of the newspaper, but that he doesn't know if there's anything useful in them, because he suddenly can't read. So how did he know he got the correct editions, then? Sheesh. He tells her that the words look like gibberish, and actually sounds like he's going to cry. Aw. Buffy looks at the paper, and recognizes the kid she's been seeing around school. Turns out that the kid, who's name is Billy Palmer, was found a week earlier after his "Kiddie League" game, and he's been in a coma ever since. Buffy tells Giles when and where she's seen Billy. He wonders how she could have seen him if he's in a coma, but Buffy's all, "You're the Watcher." He decides that Billy must be using astral projection. Buffy looks at the picture again, and upon taking note of the number on Billy's jersey, says, "Lucky 19." Giles looks like he can't read the number, which is a nice acting touch, but gives credence to my newspaper nitpick. Buffy's dad Hank pops in. I never would have realized this on my own, but the actor played Almanzo Wilder on Little House On The Prairie. He should really call Buffy "half-pint." That would crack me up. ["I had the hugest crush on 'Manly' as a kid. Why my parents didn't rush me to an eye doctor, I'll never understand." -- Sars] Buffy wonders why he's there early, and asks if anything's wrong. He says he needs to talk to her privately, and she assents, but not before introducing him to Giles. Interesting moment -- her two fathers meeting. Hank's all smiles, but something seems a little off, and I'm not just saying that because I know what happens.
Outside, Hank explains that he came early because he needs to tell Buffy something about his and Joyce's divorce. They sit down, and he says she's old enough to know the truth. She's apprehensive, and asks if there was someone else. I pray that that's where he's going with this, but it isn't. She asks what, then, and gets the response no kid ever should: "It was you." He explains that the strain of raising her and seeing her every day is what did it. Buffy's not processing this, but he steamrolls on, "Gosh, you don't even see what's right in front of your face, do you. Well, big surprise there, all you ever think about's yourself." What can I say to describe the harshness? It's a horse race between Buffy's shock and sadness levels. He goes on about her "stunts," which I assume had to do with slaying, and that she's sullen and rude and not too bright. He chuckles. "I mean, Buffy, let's be honest. Could you stand to live in the same house with a daughter like that?" This scene is made so much more powerful by the expression on Buffy's face, which makes it clear that she's afraid he might have a point. The tears are flowing now, and he chides her for "blubbering," before administering the coup de grace: "I don't really get anything out of these weekends with you, so what do you say we just don't do them anymore?" He pats her on the leg. "I sure thought you'd turn out differently." He leaves. Some things just can't be snarked about. Buffy watches her father go, looking like she might vomit at any moment, and catches sight of Billy again. He disappears, and she closes her eyes in anguish.
Xander pulls on a sweatshirt as he and Willow walk into the library. They tell Giles what happened. Willow smiles and says, "Yeah, it was really" -- she catches a look from Xander -- "bad. It was a bad thing." Hee. And amen. She foreshadows to later in the episode when she says she would hate to have lots of people staring at her. She then realizes that what happened to Xander is a recurring nightmare of his. Giles, clueing in, says he had a nightmare he got lost in the stacks, and realizes that people's nightmares are coming true. He theorizes that Billy "crossed over from the nightmare world he was trapped in," and brought the nightmare world with him. So that's how this show ended up on UPN. Willow wonders how that could have happened. Giles: "Things like that are easier when you live on a hellmouth." Well, I'd rather have a vague lame explanation than a specific lame one. Giles says they have to stop what's happening, "or else everyone in Sunnydale is going to be facing their own worst nightmares."
Cut to such a hilarious scene. Cordy opens her locker, and she sees in the mirror that her hair is frizzed out worse than Roseanne Roseannadanna's. She grabs a comb, and says she doesn't understand, since she was just at the salon. She gasps as the comb breaks. Hee.
Buffy forlornly walks around campus. She catches sight of Billy Gordon-Levitt walking into the gym, and follows. He finds him sitting on the bottom row of the bleachers. She asks him if he's Billy, and he acknowledges that he is. She inquires if something bad happened to him after the game, but he says he doesn't remember. She then asks if he's "Lucky 19," and he looks at her, startled. "That's what he calls me." She asks who calls him that, and he says, "The Ugly Man." Well, he doesn't have the closest physical resemblance, but I'm still going to say that that name makes me think of Jay Leno. I find them both repulsive, and I've always wanted to insult Leno in print, the fucking hack. He might be the one person in the country that's less funny than Black and Decker on American Idol. So bear with me. In a frightened voice, he goes on that Jay Leno wants to kill him, and that he "hurt that girl." Buffy wants to know why, and Billy gasps in horror. "He's here!" Buffy turns, and Jay Leno wallops her with his club. Well, that's no more heavy-handed than his jokes. Thank you! Commercials.
The blow knocks Buffy to the ground. She manages to get up, and after ducking a swing, gets two good kicks in. However, they leave her a bit off-balance, and Jay Leno knocks her down again. He moves ponderously, but seems very strong. She twists her ankle, and limps to the door with him in pursuit.
Library. Giles tells Willow and Xander that Buffy doesn't know what's happening, and given the subject matter of her dreams, it's imperative that they find her. Xander notes that it would be faster if they split up, and he and Giles take off in opposite directions. Willow, left standing alone, echoes my thoughts: "Faster, but not really safer."
Buffy wedges a very convenient hockey stick through the gym door handles. We hear Jay Leno roaring on the other side. She tells Billy that Jay Leno is too strong for her. He says they have to hide. She wants to find the others, but he says, "We have to hide. That's how it happens. We hide, and then he comes." Huh? She whisks him away.
Willow looks around school for Buffy. She sees Cordy, hair still post-electric-shock, being pulled away by two very nerdy-looking guys. Her outfit, which was the same when she first saw her hair, is now thankfully different -- a white blouse and a green maxi-skirt. She yells that she doesn't want to go, and that she's not even on the chess team. Hee. Willow smirks, but then hears someone call her name out of the boiler room. She thinks it might be Buffy, although it sounds nothing like her. She goes down the stairs. Good move, brain trust -- the attacker couldn't be in the same scary place again. She says to herself that she's not afraid. A hand reaches out and grabs her. She screams, and I admit, I almost did too when I first saw that.
Xander opens a door to a creepy fluorescent-lit part of the school. There are swastikas painted everywhere, which is a very nice touch, given his mention of his fear of Nazis earlier. He doesn't seem freaked out, which makes me think he's too dumb to draw the conclusion that another nightmare is coming. He sees a candy bar on the floor, picks it up, unwraps it, and takes a bite. Ew. He is just such a schmuck. He notices that there's a trail of candy bars leading toward some thick sheets of plastic hanging from the ceiling. He follows the trail.
Buffy and Billy Gordon-Levitt walk through a door outside. Buffy says she thought this way led to the library. Billy sees some kids playing baseball, and looks freaked. He tells Buffy it's bad when you lose, and that the game they lost the week was his fault, because he botched a fielding play. Buffy points out that there are eight other players on the team, and Billy seems to consider that. "He said it was my fault." Buffy wants to know who, but Billy asks if they can go another way to find her friends. Buffy says yes, but then sees Jay Leno smack some kid and come after them. She points to a hole in the hedge, and they go through to...a cemetery, at night. Buffy's wigged. Billy asks if this is where her friends are, and she says no.
This scene is one of the most hilarious in Buffy history. Willow is backstage somewhere, led along by an assistant type. "Man, I thought you weren't gonna show." Willow's dressed like Cio-Cio San -- the hair, the costume, everything. In the background, we hear an announcer present "two of the world's greatest singers." Willow's eyes go wide, and they stay that way throughout the rest of the scene. Assistant Guy goes on that someone named Aldo is pissed off, and he hopes Willow's warmed up, because "it's an ugly crowd out there." Hee. This is so good. The announcer goes on, "All the way from Firenze, Italy, the one and only Aldo Gianfranco. And, all the way from Sunnydale, California, the world's finest soprano, Willow Rosenberg!" I have to calm down, I'm already giggling so hard. Willow peers through the curtain, and sees a Pavarotti-type guy beckoning. She backs away, saying, "But I -- I didn't learn the words!" Assistant Guy shoves her through the curtain. She bumps into Aldo, and he looks like his patience is already wearing pretty thin. He starts to sing in Italian, and sure enough, it's Madama Butterfly. He sings a few lines, then gestures to Willow. She stares at him. He goes on for a few more lines, then looks pointedly at her. Willow: "My turn?" Aldo: "Mm-HMM!" It's hard to transcribe, but his delivery was hilarious. She opens her mouth, and a squeaking sound comes out. The crowd and Aldo groan. I think it says a lot about my development as a person that when I first saw this scene, I cringed in sympathy and embarrassment for Willow, whereas now I always have to watch it at least five times while giggling hysterically.
Xander walks through the plastic maze (that's for you UKers), working on three candy bars at once. He sees one on the floor called a "Chocolate Hurricane." He says out loud that those are the best. He remembers when he last had one, on his sixth birthday, as he starts to hear a maniacal chuckling. Creepy tinkly music plays, and Xander looks wigged. The score for this entire episode was great -- it definitely made it way scarier. He sees a shadow on the other side of one of the plastic sheets, and a clown busts through. Yikes! I hate clowns. I hated them before I even read It. Xander screams, and the clown raises a knife. Xander falls into a backward somersault and runs, with the clown in pursuit.
Graveyard. Buffy and Billy look around. Billy sees an open grave. "I wonder who died." Chomp chomp chomp. It's the Master. You can chew a lot of scenery with those fangs. "Nobody died. What's the fun of burying someone if they're already dead?" He regards Buffy. "The Slayer. You're prettier than the last one." For the literal-minded of you, I feel compelled to acknowledge that it's not very likely that the Master would ever have seen the Slayer who immediately preceded Buffy. But he could have been talking about the last one he faced, so let's just let it slide. And what's with all the Foreshadowing or Coincidence? Because that's what Whistler said to Angel in "Becoming Part One." Buffy says he can't be free, but he says he is because she fears it. She says it's a dream. The Master: "A dream is a wish your heart makes." Well, I always think of Disney as evil, so I guess it's appropriate that the Master's quoting a Disney movie. He grabs her by the throat. She seems unable to lift a hand against him, which is consistent with her nightmare at the beginning of the episode. He tells her it's real life, and asks what she's afraid of as he holds her over the open grave. He tosses her in, and the coffin lid closes on her as she screams for help. The Master grabs a shovel, and starts filling the grave in. The last thing we see is the grave-cam getting covered with dirt. Cree-pee. And yet again in the "Foreshadowing or Coincidence" vein, this scene foreshadows "Bargaining."
Willow backs out of the basement to boos and thrown tomatoes. Xander runs up and asks if she found Buffy. Willow stammers, "I had to sing. Very bad to sing." I guess that's why she didn't do much in "Once More, With Feeling." She wants to know what happened to him, and he asks if she remembers his sixth birthday party. She laughs, and recalls that a clown chased him and he got really scared. Xander's fears are as simple as Xander himself. Willow's face falls as she realizes the implication, and the knife-wielding clown appears. They scream and turn to run, but bump into Giles. They drag him off, and ASH tries for a scream himself but ends up sounding more like C-3PO. They run, the clown chuckling in pursuit, until Xander thankfully decides he's had enough and turns and decks the clown. "You were a lousy clown. Your balloon animals were pathetic. Everyone can make a giraffe." Jeez, he had ten years and that's the best he could come up with?
The trio gets outside. People run by screaming. Xander says he feels liberated, but Giles points out that he's the only one. Giles is wearing a really ugly scarf. It doesn't seem at all him, and at first I thought it was part of his nightmare, which would have been hilarious. But I checked, and it turns out he put it on when he was leaving the library. Sigh. Giles tells them, "In a few hours reality will fold completely into the realm of nightmares." Ironically, that means that there will be only reality shows on television. I feel an enormous pang of sympathy for Daniel, Shack, Kim, Stee, Miss Alli, and the many other brave, brave recappers of reality shows. Willow asks what they can do, and Giles says they have to wake Billy up. Xander wants to find Buffy, but Giles doesn't know where to look. Willow's eyes focus in ahead of her. "When did they put a cemetery in across the street?" Xander: "And when did they make it night over there?" Couch Baron: "And exactly how low was the special-effects budget for the first season?" There's a really fake-looking CGI of the cemetery over the sunny background. They enter it.
Xander wonders whose nightmare it is. We see a headstone with Buffy's name on it. Giles: "It's mine." No "Anne," by the way. Oh, man. Not that I really thought she was dead, but -- her poor friends. Actually, Willow and Xander seem kind of unmoved, but they could easily be in shock. Giles drops to his knees on the grave and gives this heartfelt speech: "I failed, in my duty to protect you. I should have been more cautious, taken more time to train you. But you were so gifted, and the evil was so great." ASH really sounded like he was going to start crying there. It's really the first outpouring of affection toward Buffy we've seen from him, and it's a nice setup for "Prophecy Girl." ["I don't love this ep, but his delivery of 'it's mine' gets me every time. ASH rocks." -- Sars] He places his hand on the dirt, and says he's sorry. A hand reaches through the dirt and grabs him. They all scream, for real this time, as Buffy pulls herself up and dusts herself off. When she looks up, we see that she's a vampire. I did not see that coming at all.
Willow, horror-stricken: "Buffy, your face!" Buffy puts her hands to her face and mutters, "Oh God." Xander moves forward, but she turns away, telling them not to look at her. Giles approaches her, and gently says that she never told him she'd dreamt of becoming a vampire. Buffy: "This isn't a dream." She does a great job of conveying how scared she is that this will be a permanent condition. Giles acknowledges that it's real, but he says he thinks that if they can wake Billy up, the world will go back to normal. He asks Buffy to hold it together so she can help them, and after a long pause, she says she's up to it. "But we'd better hurry. Because I'm getting hungry." Xander: "That is a joke, right?" Hee. As they walk out, Willow nervously asks Giles if he's sure the world will go back to normal, and what they'll do if they can't wake Billy up. Giles: "Willow, do shut up." I want a Giles action figure that says that. I'd also like to point out that Buffy is the only vampire I've ever noticed that doesn't lisp while wearing the prosthetic fangs. What's up with that? Maybe it's just that SMG has really good diction. I mean, can you imagine Julie Benz as Buffy here? "Thith ithn't a dream," she'd thay, as she thimpered her way through the thene.
Hospital. Billy lies in his coma. Chaos in the hallway. Giles approaches the doctor from earlier, but we see that his hands are mangled and he's in shock. They rush into Billy's room. I hate to keep nitpicking, but how did Buffy get to the hospital in daylight if she's a vampire? Then again, the sun doesn't seem to affect Angel at all these days, so I guess I shouldn't complain. Xander asks what they do now, and Giles cracks me up by yelling "Billy!" in a loud voice. We hear Billy's voice: "That won't work." We see his astral body in the corner. Giles tells him he has to wake up, but he says he has to hide. We hear a grunt outside. Giles asks what he needs to hide from. Buffy, in the doorway, sees Jay Leno. "From him." Xander wonders what to do. Buffy takes off her jacket. "I think I know." She rushes out. Willow looks out the window and sees a bunch of huge CGI wasps. She thinks they're running out of time. She's also still dressed as Cio-Cio San, which frankly I would never get tired of seeing.
Buffy sasses Jay Leno. He grunts, "Lucky 19." If he said that for an hour every night, it'd be an improvement over his show. Buffy: "Scary. I'll tell you something though, there are a lot scarier things than you." Like your clunky delivery of the line? "And I'm one of them." Yup. She makes up for it by giving a loud vampire growl, rushing forward, and tackling Jay Leno. They fight, and he throws her into the room. I notice, for not the first time this episode, that SMG's stunt double's hair is much lighter than hers. He swings his club at her, but she catches it and breaks it off. This subdues him, and he collapses against the wall. Billy asks if he's dead, but Buffy summons him over. "You have to do the rest." Willow wonders what's going on, and Xander says, "I get it." When Xander's figuring out the sitch before you, Willow, it's time for some gingko biloba, you know what I'm saying? Buffy: "No more hiding." Billy walks up to Jay Leno, and peels back his face. Light pours out of it, and suddenly everything's back to normal. Billy wakes up, and thinks he's Dorothy in The Wizard Of Oz. Well, without the singing and all that. He just does that tired "I had the strangest dream" bit. They all smile, and then some middle-aged guy in sweats and a baseball cap walks in. He says he's Billy's Kiddie League coach, and that he checks on him every day. "He's my Lucky 19." The crowd goes tougher than at a Carrot Top show. He asks how Billy is, and Buffy snits, "He's awake." The coach isn't thrilled, and Buffy accuses him of beating Billy up. Billy sits up and confirms it. Yeah, we know. The club was really a baseball bat. We. Get. It. Coach tries to run, but Xander and Giles grab him by his hood and hold him. Everyone's happy that Jay Leno has been canceled.
Buffy, Xander, and Willow do the wrap-up exposition show. Buffy can't believe a Kiddie League coach would beat up a kid, but Xander is sadly all too right when he says he's surprised it wasn't one of the parents. The coach is in jail, whoop whoop. Almanzo, who I totally recognize now that I know it's him, honks and waves. Buffy, with a huge smile: "Have a killer weekend, guys." Almanzo greets her warmly, and that's probably the nicest portrayal of a father we'll ever see in the Jossverse. The episode ends on one of my favorite Xander/Willow scenes:
Willow: Personal question?
Xander: Yeah, shoot.
Willow: When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?
Xander: Willow, how can you...I mean, that's really bent! She was...grotesque.
Willow: Still dug her, huh?
Xander: I'm sick. I need help.
Willow: Don't I know it.
Despite a somewhat slow start, the character insights, the music, and the seamless shifts between humor and horror made me really like this episode. I think I'll slum in Season One a bit longer.