So what's this "internet" of which you speak?

S01E08

We open with a shot of a silhouetted castle. The caption reads, "Cortona, Italy. 1418." Inside, a young man with dead-badger hair walks forward. A voice says in Italian, "Carlo, my dear one." Carlo kneels, and a scaly green hand grips his head. The camera pans up to reveal a scaly green demon with red eyes and large curly horns. The demon continues that he can give Carlo everything, and that all he wants is his love. He takes way too long to say the word "love." Er, what kind of love are we talking about here? Because I might not be able to watch this. Carlo says that he has his love, and the demon casually breaks his neck. See, if Carlo had just said he didn't love him, he would have been spared. Or maybe he would have snapped his neck in the other direction. I guess we'll never know.

Cut to some monks. The lead monk announces that Moloch the Corruptor walks again, and that people are falling under his mesmerizing power. Well, it must be that catchy sales pitch. "Free broken neck with purchase!" Now, if you could buy a broken neck for someone else, I could understand the appeal. Lead Monk says that there's still time to bind him, and that they must form the circle. I giggle as I picture them playing Ring Around The Rosy in Italian, but no such luck. Lead Monk opens a large book, and starts chanting. "By the power of the Circle of Kayless..." Dude, don't rip off your names from Klingon history. I know the Klingon spelling is "H" instead of "Y," but still. I think Keckler's probably laughing at me. We cut to Moloch, smiling after his kill. But his face falls, and it's clear that he's aware that something's up. Lead Monk continues, "By the power of the Circle of Kayless, I command you, demon, come!" I don't have to say it, do I? You really want me to say it? Okay. EW! The monk repeats his command, and Moloch, yelling, eventually dissolves into a very cheesy collection of CGI dots. It's kind of funny when they don't even try with the special effects. The dots rain down into the book, and the pages, which were blank, fill up with strange symbols. Lead Monk closes the book, which we now see has a likeness of Moloch on the cover. Lead Monk: "Pray this accursed book shall never again be read, lest the demon Moloch be loosed upon the world." Uh, I know you're deeply religious and all, but couldn't you, like, take some steps other than prayer toward that end? I wonder if these monks belong to the same order that made the Key a bleedable object. Because that would make sense. The kind of sense that's not. Lead Monk puts the book in a box.

By Couch Baron

Box-Cam (ew, not like that) shows Buffy slide the top off the box. After nearly six hundred years, it seems like real punishment that the first thing Moloch sees is Buffy's hideous pink floral dress. He must have been very, very naughty to deserve that. She takes the book out, but Giles says he hasn't reviewed it yet. Just to clarify, they're doing inventory of a lot of new arrivals. There are two random kids helping them, as well as Willow and Xander. Just to continue the Trek theme, who wants to bet the random kids, who are minions of Miss Calendar, are red-shirts? Miss Calendar and Giles snark back and forth about the relative merits of technology. One of the kids, a burly dude that we'll soon find out is named Fritz, stands up and delivers this lecture: "The printed page is obsolete. Information isn't bound up anymore. It's an entity. The only reality is virtual. If you're not jacked in, you're not alive." Giles: "Whatever, Virgin Boy." Oh, that was me saying that. I think the fact that I spend hours a day online and I still rolled my eyes harder than Dana Scully at a UFO convention qualifies me to say this: Jack this, Fritz. He stomps off to download some porn. Miss Calendar: "Thank you, Fritz, for making us all sound like crazy people." I like what I said better. She says that although Fritz is a loon, he does have a point, and spouts off some internet-related statistics. I think I'll use the internet to find some synonyms for the word "boring." "Pedestrian," "trite," "banal." All of these apply to this scene. Willow asks Xander if he wants to stay, but he's like, "Uh, no." He calls after Buffy to wait up, and Willow subtly hangs her head. Miss Calendar finally calls an end to the activity, but Willow wants to stay a little longer. Everyone else leaves. Giles says he's going to clean up. "I'll be back in the Middle Ages." Miss Calendar snarks, "Did you ever leave?" Okay, heh. She smirks to herself. Don't push it, lady. She leaves.

Seemingly much later, Willow scans the Moloch book into the computer. The scanner isn't nearly wide enough to cover the entire page, which annoys me. The image appears on Willow's screen, and she presumably IDs the book. As she does, the text disappears from the top to the bottom of the left page, then the right one. The direction on this bit sucks, because Willow looks directly at the book before closing it. I think she should have noticed something was different. She puts the book away. Her screen goes blank, and then large letters type out, "Where am I?" In a crappy Season One episode -- be afraid. Credits.

By Couch Baron

Willow walks dreamily down the hall at school. Buffy calls after her, and catches up. She's wearing a tight white tank top, a black micro-mini, and black knee-high boots. How the boys aren't all over her is beyond me. Buffy says she tried to call Willow the night before, but Willow smilingly says she was talking to someone. Buffy: "Okay, that's it. You have a secret and that is not allowed." Aw. And if only that rule had been in force later in the show. Willow admits that she met someone after the scanning project they all did "last week." Buffy: "Does he go here? What's his name? Have you kissed him? What's he like?" Willow: "No, Malcolm, no, and very nice." They used to be so cute. It makes me sad. I think I'm going to pout for a while. Buffy chides Willow for not telling her sooner, but Willow wasn't sure there was anything to tell until the prior evening, when they talked all night. "He's so smart, and he's romantic, and we agree about everything." That's not a recipe for disaster or anything. Buffy coos, and then asks what he looks like. Willow smiles that she doesn't know, and walks off. Buffy's all, "Huh?"

Computer lab. We see Fritz; then the camera pans left to show the other boy from the scanning project, a skinny kid named Dave. He monotones, "Yes, I will. I promise." He's talking to his computer. I can't say I don't do that sometimes, but let's just say I've never uttered a sentence to it that didn't have at least one expletive in it. ["I fucking hear you." -- Sars] Dave sounds like he's going to buy it dinner and a movie, and that's just wrong. Willow and Buffy enter. Buffy says she can figure out this puzzle: "Does it involve a midget and a block of ice?" I think she's mixing two different brain-teasers, but I really can't say I'm surprised. Willow says she met Malcolm online. Buffy: "On line for what?" Okay, I've officially had it with the "Buffy is a ditz/Buffy is very smart" dichotomy. Ace and Sep have said the same thing, and I feel their pain. At this point, I'm expecting to see Buffy misspell the word "dog" and teach an organic chemistry class in the same episode. I'm just going to refrain from commenting on her airheadedness. Willow points to the computer, and Buffy looks a little skeeved. Miss Calendar enters, and asks Buffy if she should be elsewhere. She says she has a free period. Miss Calendar nicely tells her to keep it short, as it's "lab time." Please, like these kids couldn't multi-task at least three other things while doing whatever it is they're supposed to be doing. I have a mental image of Sars instant messaging, watching TV, talking on the phone, and editing all at the same time. Not to mention kicking her two cats. ["'Mental image'? You've seen me do that." -- Sars]

Willow logs in, and sees she has mail. You're probably expecting me to make a "you've got mail" joke. Well, think again. I see nothing funny about that movie. I'd rather watch an episode of 7th Heaven than see that movie. I'd rather watch a Road Rules marathon that go see that movie. I'd even rather watch the Survivor reunion special than go see that movie. Sorry, choked on some bile there. Back to the recap. The message is from Malcolm, of course. It simply reads, "I'm thinking of you." Willow wonders what to write back. Buffy tries to tell her that maybe she's rushing into this, but Willow doesn't hear her. Buffy finally gets her attention, and points out that Willow doesn't know anything about this guy. Willow says she knew Buffy would react this way, but Buffy says she only wants Willow to be careful. We focus on the mini-cam on Willow's desk (yeah, right). From inside it, we focus on Buffy as she says, "He could be different than you think." I've never actually dated anyone I met online, but I've heard some really twisted stories from close friends. Elsewhere, a computer monitor comes to life, and we see students' pictures scrolling down the screen. It stops on Buffy's picture. There's a big gaffe between the stats it shows for Buffy when it's scrolling down, and those it shows when her profile is displayed on the full screen. The whole exercise is gratuitous, but funny as well, mostly because of Buffy's hair. It's kind of...big. For the trivia-minded among you, Buffy's birth date is October 24, 1980. In no way does that fit with the timeline of her future birthdays. In "Nightmares," the year of birth on her headstone was 1981, and the timing of "Surprise" would back that up. Her GPA is listed as 2.8, and her number of absences is listed as one. Again: Yeah, right. And this is the saddest excuse for a database I've ever seen. Where's her address? Parents' names? Anything of relevance at all? Buffy's picture pops up on Fritz's screen, with the message: "Watch her." Watch the hot girl with the big rack? Whatever you say, dude!

Willow goes on that Malcolm's last name is Black, and he lives about eighty miles away. Buffy again brings up looks, but Willow wants to know why everything has to be about that. Yeah, we'll see what you say when Drew Carey shows up at your door, Deep Girl. Buffy, rightly in my opinion, says that it's at least partly about looks. "What if you guys get really really intense, and then you find out that he has...a hairy back?" Heh. That seemed so important at sixteen. In your early thirties, you learn to live with these things. Sigh. Willow: "He doesn't talk like someone who would have a hairy back." Hee. Willow goes on that that doesn't matter if they care about each other, and says that maybe she's not his ideal type either. This little pity party causes Buffy to relent, and she says she's just trying to make sure he's good enough for Willow. Miss Calendar walks over to Fritz and says that he and Dave have been on the computers a lot lately. Fritz says it's a new project. Miss Calendar asks if she'll be excited. Fritz smirks, "You'll die." You're no Master, so just cram it, Virgin Boy.

Some semi-cute guy is talking to his laptop. Again, no expletives, but this is network TV. "Nazi Germany was a model of a well-ordered society? I didn't write that! Who's been in my files?" Jean-Marie Le Pen? Jesse Helms? There are numerous possibilities. Dreamy Willow skips down the stairs. She's so blissful, I expect her to belt out, "The hills are alive, with the sound of Malcolm!" And then the hills would hide, because they'd be very, very scared. Xander sneaks up and claps a hand over Willow's eyes, but she knows it's him. He invites her to the Bronze, but she declines. He figures it's because of Malcolm, which she eagerly acknowledges. Xander: "You're gonna be missing out. I'm planning to be witty. I'm gonna make fun of all the people who won't talk to me." I'd bring the phone book -- it'll be a big time-saver. Willow brightly tells him to have fun, and shoves off. Aw, poor Xander -- the girl with the heart of gold that you've been ignoring found a boy who'll talk to her. It's so teen-movie. Except for where the new boy's a demon. Although I'm certain that's been done. Buffy appears, and Xander blathers a bit, and Buffy points out that he's jealous. He denies it, and echoes some of the concerns about Malcolm that Buffy voiced earlier. He points out that on the internet, Malcolm could say he's anyone, and no one would know. Again, I've heard some stories. Buffy's starting to get wigged, but snaps out of it and says they're overreacting.

Virgin Boy. He keeps repeating, "I'm jacked in." I never got that entranced, and I once played Diablo II for eighteen straight hours. I have a feeling I just labeled myself a rank amateur. The camera pans down to show that Fritz has carved an "M" in his forearm. Man, just go for the neck-snapping -- it's so much quicker. Also, shut up.

Girls' locker room. Buffy has just changed. Willow bursts in. Buffy says hi to "late girl." Willow says she overslept. Buffy: "Until fifth period?" Willow doesn't answer. Buffy asks if she was talking to Malcolm the night before. Willow grins at the memory, but stops upon seeing the questioning look on Buffy's face. Willow: "You're having an expression." Buffy: "I'm not. But if I was, it'd be saying this just isn't like you." Willow: "Not like me to have a boyfriend?" Buffy: "He's boyfriendly?" Willow wonders what Buffy's problem is, but Buffy says all she wants is for Willow to meet him face-to-face. Be careful what you wish for, dearie. Willow: "Malcolm and I really care about each other. Big deal if I blow off a couple classes." Buffy: "I thought you said you overslept." Face! Willow: "Malcolm said you wouldn't understand." Buffy, in a hard tone: "Malcolm was right." She leaves. Both actresses hit the tone of that scene just right.

Buffy walks into the computer lab. She tries to get Dave's attention, but he doesn't answer until she touches his shoulder. He jumps, and asks what she wants. He looks a little strung out. Buffy asks him if it's possible for her to find out any information about someone that emailed her. Dave says she could pull up his user profile, but Buffy points out that the user profile is written by the user. And this from the girl who didn't know what "online" meant. I know I said I wouldn't say anything. I lied. Sure, sue me -- all my info's in my user profile. Buffy asks if it's possible to find the location of the computer from where the e-mail was sent. Dave says that it's a challenge, but smiles like he thinks Buffy's hot enough to give it a try. However, when Buffy mentions that she wants to find Willow's boyfriend, Dave goes cold and tells her it's none of her business. Buffy misreads him, and with a big smile asks if he's Malcolm. He says no, however, and her face falls. She wants to know what's going on, but he dismisses her: "I've got work to do." Buffy: "So do I." She walks out, passing Fritz, who looks concerned.

Buffy tells Giles about how jumpy Dave and Fritz are. Giles: "Those boys aren't sparklingly normal as it is." Hee. Buffy presses on, but Giles says he doesn't know how to advise her in matters of the computer. He finally suggests that she follow Dave. She sniffs that she's not going around in dark glasses and a trench coat, and that she can work out this problem herself.

Dave runs to his car. Buffy watches, in dark glasses and a trench coat. She peers over the glasses with a hilarious determined expression. It looks like a bad spy movie. That's funny. Cut to an office building. Dave pulls up. We see a sign that says, "CRD." A security guard keeps watch. Dave talks to someone in a lab coat, and they go inside. Buffy observes this. So she can keep up with a car? It did look like kind of a lemon, I'll grant. A surveillance camera swivels around and captures Buffy's image. It shows up on Fritz's computer. He says she's too close, and asks what he should do. On screen, the answer pops up: "Kill her." Fritz: "Party." Loser.

Library. Buffy tells Giles that Dave is into something big. Buffy tells them the name of the place, and Xander identifies it as a computer-research lab that went out of business several months earlier. They give him a look. Xander: "What, I can't have information sometimes?" Giles: "It's just somewhat unprecedented." Hee. I'll say. Xander confesses that his uncle used to be a janitor there. Giles wonders if whatever's going on could be legit, but Xander says that if CRD had reopened, it would have been all over the news. Buffy: "Besides, I can just tell something's wrong. My spider-sense is tingling." Giles looks perplexed. Oh, come on, Giles; we know you used to have a life. Buffy explains that it's a "pop-culture reference." No. It's a culture reference. Giles: "Short of breaking into the place, I don't see..." Buffy: "Breaking in! Then this is a plan." Hee. Buffy just ran roughshod over Giles in the first season. Xander says he's in. Well, duh. If she asked him to take a quick trip to the fifth plane of hell, he'd be like, "Should I bring anything?" Giles: "A moment, please, of quiet reflection. I do not suggest that you illegally enter the" -- Miss Calendar enters -- "data into the file, so the book will be listed by title as well as author." Hee.

Miss Calendar says she just came to check on the new database. Mm-hmm. Giles and Jenny do their obligatory technology-based snark, and I'm really glad they started dating so we didn't have to keep hearing it. Miss Calendar takes note of the fact that Buffy and Xander are in the library again, and bless her for noticing a detail that eluded just about everyone else on the show. Buffy smiles nervously. Xander: "To read, makes our speaking English...good." RIF, kids. Don't end up like Xander. Buffy pulls Xander away. Giles calls out that they'll continue this conversation later, but Buffy says they're done. Someone's committing a felony tonight! On the way out, Buffy chastises Xander for his line. Xander says he panicked. Hee.

Willow and "Malcolm" IM each other. His messages are accompanied by a stodgy electronic voice, which doesn't seem like a selling point to me. They talk. It's boring. Willow asks if they should meet, and he says they should, soon. Willow mentions that Buffy doesn't understand their relationship. Malcolm: "Buffy just makes trouble. That's why she got kicked out of her old school." Willow expression falls, and she asks how he knew that. He says it's on Buffy's permanent record, but then backpedals and says that Willow must have told him. She lets it go, but it looks like some damage has been done. She signs off.

Giles and Miss Calendar fight. It's boring. Blah blah blah knowledge-shouldn't-be-hogged-by-a-bunch-of-white-guys-cakes. She insults his "musty old books," and he says they have a lot more to say than web pages do. I'm not getting involved, people. Why? Because I don't care. Miss Calendar opens the Moloch book, notes that it doesn't have much to say, and wonders if it's a diary. Giles closes the book, and scary music plays to tell us he recognizes Moloch. ASH's acting conveyed that too, but they couldn't leave things to chance, I suppose. Jerks. He covers well, saying it must be a diary, and starts to walk into his office, saying goodbye. Miss Calendar: "We were fighting." Giles, distractedly: "Must do it again sometime." Heh. And, please don't. He walks off. She looks perplexed.

Outside. Some nurse tells a male adult that some kid's record didn't say anything about being allergic to penicillin. Oh, that wacky Moloch! In taking over the world, he stops to make sure kids don't get their medication. How thoughtful. Dave accosts Buffy, and apologizes for the day, saying he hasn't been getting much sleep. Buffy tells him not to sweat it. He says that Willow was looking for her, and she asks if he knows where Willow is. He hesitates before telling her that she said she'd be in the girl's locker room. Buffy doesn't pick up on his pause, probably thinking it's just part of his normal weirdness, and leaves.

Buffy enters the creepy, deserted locker room, and walks around, calling Willow's name. We see a hand turn on one of the showers, and the camera pans back to reveal Fritz. Buffy hears the water, and wonders aloud if Willow's taking a shower. She sees the deserted shower, and inexplicably doesn't smell a rat, but goes to turn it off. We see that two electrical wires have been cut open and left near the shower entrance. Buffy blathers to herself about droughts, and turns off the shower. The water's just a couple inches from the wires when Dave appears out of nowhere and yells for her to get out. She looks down, and as the water reaches the wires, she leaps out of the shower, with a little help from the electricity. Dave runs off. Buffy sits up, and the camera pans down to show that her boots are smoking. Cool.

Dave enters the lab and turns on one of the computers. He says he can't do it. Malcolm says he promised, but Dave says that Buffy's not a threat to Malcolm. Yeah, if by "not a threat" you mean "the star of this show and so gonna kick his ass." Malcolm says the project's almost complete, and gives him that spiel from the beginning that he gave Carlo right before he snapped his neck. Dave tells him no. All the monitors in the room switch on, and Malcolm's electronic voice turns higher and faster. He pens a suicide note from Dave. You just can't win with this guy. You tell him you love him, he kills you. No love, still kills you. And by the way, how Heathers. "I love my dead geek son!" Dave looks scared, and starts walking toward the windows instead of, you know, the door. Fritz is in the corner, despite the fact that they showed that corner being empty about sixteen different times in this scene. And wouldn't Buffy check the computer lab before going to the library? The scene was creepy and all, but I just hate when the details are so off.

Buffy's back in the library. Xander says he's gonna kill Dave. More words he's gonna eat. Buffy defends Dave. Giles says that Buffy will be okay, but she would have been dead if she weren't the Slayer. Buffy: "Tell me the truth. How's my hair?" Xander: "It's great! It's your best hair ever." Heh. Buffy wonders why Dave would set her up, but Giles says he thinks he knows, and fills them in on Moloch. Let's sum up: Moloch was bound in the book; he's a seductive demon who lures people with impressionable minds to him with promises of knowledge and power. He was in the book, but now he's not, which means the book was read. Wow, this is going a lot faster. Xander: "You released Moloch?" Buffy: "Way to go!" Hee. Giles says he didn't read it, and he doesn't know who could have, since it wasn't in English. I thought he hadn't looked at it? ["I think the fan-wank here is something along the lines of Giles knowing generally what it contained, because he himself had ordered the book." -- Sars] Buffy realizes that it must have been scanned, and that Moloch must be in the internet. I suspend my disbelief for the umpteenth time this episode. Xander wonders what they can do. Giles says that Willow scanned him into her file, and suggests deleting it, but without much hope. Buffy gives it a shot. She asks which file it is, which seems kind of silly, since there's only one on the entire desktop. No applications, even. What's umpteen plus one? She tries to delete the "Willow" file, but gasps as Moloch's demonic image appears on the screen, telling them to stay away from Willow.

By Couch Baron

Buffy and Xander enter Willow's house, but she's gone. Buffy reads the mail from Malcolm, which is now inexplicably displayed on the screen. Umpteen plus three. Xander guesses that CRD is "Moloch Central," and they head for it.

Giles suspiciously asks Miss Calendar how she knows, but she says there have been portents for days. "You should see the bones I've been casting." If you say so. She speculates on which demon it is, and on being told it's Moloch, is freaked. He's still suspicious, and they manage to find a way to continue their tired argument about technology. Giles asks if she's a witch, but she says she doesn't have that kind of power. "'Technopagan' is the term. There are more of us than you'd think." I actually don't mind Miss Calendar, but I know this will make Sars happy, so I'll paraphrase Bring It On: "Technopagan this, tool." Giles, however, is encouraged, and they start to discuss how to proceed when the phone rings. It's Buffy, calling from outside CRD. She fills him in. He says that he and Miss Calendar are working on the ritual. Buffy: "Here's a tip. Hurry." Hee. That line always cracks me up.

Willow regains consciousness in the lab. She looks around, and focuses on a computer screen. Moloch starts to tell her how good it is to see her. A metal hand hits the monitor, and we pan up to see a metal robot likeness of Moloch, who finishes, "With my own two eyes."

Moloch says Willow's name. Virgin Boy and some lab-coat guy are in the room. Moloch starts on a very boring blather about how he can see everything, and that the world flows through him. I'm surprised he hasn't committed hara-kiri with all the spam he must be getting. Hee. Spam spam spam spam. I love Monty Python's Flying Circus. He says that nothing compares to having form again, and grabs Virgin Boy by the head. Virgin Boy looks like he's in ecstasy. Moloch snaps his neck. He didn't even ask him if he loved him! I can't make head or tail of this guy.

Buffy and Xander hop the fence. They break in the back entrance. Moloch: "Here they come." Boring.

Miss Calendar lights some candles. I think Giles is hot too, but don't you have a demon to take care of? Oh, the candles are for the ritual. My mistake. She says they have to form the Circle of Kayless. He doesn't know how they can do that, but she says it has to be done inside the internet. She sends out a message to some other friendly neighborhood technopagans. Giles wonders if Moloch will shut them down, but Miss Calendar says she thinks he won't know what they're doing. Umpteen plus four.

By Couch Baron

Buffy and Xander hop the fence. They break in the back entrance. Moloch: "Here they come." Boring.

Willow asks what Moloch wants with her. He says that because she "created" him, he wants to give her the world, in order to repay her. Willow: "By lying to me? By pretending to be a person? Pretending that you loved me?" Dude, stories I have heard. Moloch says he does love her.

By Couch Baron

Buffy knocks out a security guard. She and Xander see Willow and Moloch on the surveillance camera. They move.

Moloch blathers on about how he can give her everything. I borrow Sep's sporks to prop my eyelids open.

Buffy and Xander reach the door to the laboratory, but she says it's made of heavy steel and she can't bust it. Security countermeasures kick in, and the hallway starts flooding with gas.

Miss Calendar sees that her fellow technopagans are forming the circle, and says they're almost there. Giles wonders if they could stop Moloch by entering some sort of computer virus. Miss Calendar: "You've seen way too many movies." Hey, that's way more plausible than, say, everything in this episode. She tells him that they're ready, and to read the ritual while she types it. They begin.

Buffy pounds on the door as the gas continues to flow. Xander coughs.

Willow asks Moloch to let her leave. He repeats that he loves her, but she says that that's a joke, and that he doesn't love anything. He says that she is his, but she tells him that ain't happening. He considers that, then says, "Pity."

Giles, voice rising, continues to dictate the ritual. Uh, she's right there, dude. What's she supposed to do, press the keys harder? He tells her that "Kayless" is spelled with a "K." If you're going to tell her that, why not just spell out the whole thing?

Xander slides down the wall, looking close to unconsciousness. Buffy continues to beat on the door, but seems to be losing strength.

Moloch does his patented reach for Willow's head, saying he'll miss her. She screams.

Giles yells, "Demon, come." Not touching that. Moloch cries out in pain. Giles continues. Buffy and Xander burst in. I could accept that Buffy made it in, but there's no way Xander wouldn't have been unconscious from lack of oxygen. Umpteen plus five. Buffy sails through the air to kick Moloch, but doesn't move him an inch. Lab-coat guy grabs Xander. Buffy: "Ow. The guy's made of metal." Looking at him, what the hell else could he possibly be made of? Moloch cries that he won't go back. Giles screams, "DEMON, COME!" It's taking all my restraint, but I'm still not saying anything. Sparks fly out of Miss Calendar's computer. Xander punches out Lab-Coat Guy, and he, Willow, and Buffy run out. After a big light show, the computer goes dark, and Miss Calendar pronounces Moloch out of the internet. Giles checks the book, which is still blank. They wonder where he is. Shot of metal Moloch, apparently still fully functional. Ew. Given the Trek theme, I just squicked myself out.

By Couch Baron

Buffy, Xander, and Willow open a double door, but close it upon seeing three CRD employees rushing at them. I think they could have taken them, but whatever. Maybe one of them had a gun. Xander tries to lead them another way, but Moloch busts through the concrete wall. He smacks Xander to the ground, then does the same to Buffy. He snarls about how he was omnipotent. He advances on Buffy, but Willow calls his name: "Remember me, your girlfriend?" She smacks him with a fire extinguisher. "I think it's time we broke up." SMACK! "But maybe we can still be friends!" I like spunky Willow. She tries to hit him again, but he throws her down the hallway, where she and Xander collapse in a heap. Buffy looks around desperately, and sees an electrical conduit. Moloch: "This body's all I have left. But it's still enough to crush you." Buffy slides in front of the conduit and tells him to take his best shot. He swings, she ducks, he fries. Buffy goes to shield Willow and Xander as Moloch explodes. His head lands right in front of them. Willow grins.

Later, Giles stops by to see Miss Calendar. They find yet another way to resume their tired discussion. It's completely dated, so I refuse to recap it. Oh, and she grotesquely flirts with him. I refuse to recap that either.

Buffy and Xander try to cheer Willow up. She's still glum. She points out that the one boy who's ever liked her was a demon robot. Girl, we've all been there...if figuratively. She wonders what that says about her, but Buffy says it doesn't say anything, and points out that her own love interest is a vampire. Xander chimes in that he liked a big praying mantis ["dude, don't remind me" -- Sars], and Willow cheers up. Buffy: "Let's face it. None of us is ever going to have a happy, normal relationship." Xander: "We're doomed." Boy, do y'all not know the half of it. They laugh, but as they consider what they said, their faces fall. Hee.

The end. Some good lines, but talk about an episode that didn't age well. It gets the David Boreanaz award.