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I guess because the show is on a different night this week (and what, FOX couldn't reschedule the Billboard Awards, because they're just that damn important?), we get a quick explanation of what the show is all about and what has happened thus far. Sixteen people. Boot camp. A leader is elected to lead them on weekly combat missions. If they succeed in the mission, the leader gets amnesty, because each week, they vote one recruit off. That person gets to pick another recruit to take along. They do a lot of exercise. The drill instructors yell a lot. They're half-naked a lot of the time. Drill Instructor Rosenbum should keep his hat on, because with his goofy haircut, he looks like Robert DeNiro in Rocky and Bullwinkle.
Last week: The recruits grew stronger. Hutak was elected squad leader, but they failed the mission. Some of the recruits felt the failure was Hutak's fault. No one was surprised, shocked, or bothered by Brown admitting that she is a lesbian. Thomson was sidelined with a "mysterious medical condition." Yeah, high blood pressure. How is that mysterious? Meyer had a change in strategy, in that he actually decided to participate. Haar had a groin injury that kept her out for four days, which got some people thinking that she needed to go. Pupo pissed people off. Haar was ultimately voted off, and she took Pupo with her because of her bad attitude. Now there are a "dirty dozen" left.
Day Nine. 6:00 AM Wake-Up Call. It's still dark outside as DI Francisco wakes up the male recruits. DI Taylor wakes up the female recruits. The men scramble around looking for their clothes while the women seem to have the whole waking up routine down to a science. Hutak looks like a chipmunk because her face is so puffy from sleep. In an interview, Yaney says that the women are stronger than the guys, "as far as, they got their act together." Do you get the feeling that Yaney hangs out with the women a lot more anyway? And can you blame him really? Who would you rather hang out with -- Whitlow or Wolf? The women help each other get into their uniforms quickly. Brown tosses Hutak her hat. Now that's teamwork. In an interview, Hutak says that the men have "a lot of pride" as well as "a lot of conflict." Over in the men's barracks, DI Francisco wonders why they haven't learned to "pre-stage [their] gear by now so that it's all ready to go." Yaney struggles to get his shirt on. In an interview, Jackson says, "If the game becomes gender-based, the women will win because they can get it together." Did you get that now? The women have it together. Nothing interesting must have happened this week, with all the filler they're throwing at us.
The squad is lined up outside, waiting to go to breakfast. DI Francisco asks Thomson if his feet are still swollen. In an interview, Thomson explains that he had swelling in his feet and ankles, but after tests, the doctors thought it had something to do with his heart. Geez, I'm not a doctor and I could have told you that. Thomson claims that he's "twenty-nine years old and [seems] to be in exceptional shape." Exceptional shape? I think most of the women beat him on that first mile and a half run. Plus, I've seen him with his shirt off. I mean, Haar was no Calista Flockhart, but at least she didn't claim to be in "exceptional shape." He really puts the lude in deluded, doesn't he?
The squad enters the mess hall and dishes out a bunch of unappetizing slop onto their trays. Mmm, slop. It's white slop with black flecks today. Throughout, the DIs yell at them to stay in tight formation, and when Meyer takes too long getting his food, he's told to go sit down. I sure hope that he got his share of the slop.
Thomson sits with Coddington and Meyer at one table. Thomson whispers to Coddington that she should tell the other women that even if he's injured, he'll "be back one hundred percent," and he will still "vote with the girls." I think he's including Meyer in "the girls" group. In an interview, Thomson says that he feels that the girls are on his side, and Meyer "is on [his] side for life." They are a couple of references back to the first episode, where everyone wanted to vote Meyer off and Thomson convinced Meyer to give the faux-teary speech that saved him. Don't think that Thomson is entirely altruistic here -- he points out that if Meyer gets voted out now, he won't take Thomson with him. In an interview, Meyer says that Thomson is the reason that he's still there. At breakfast, Meyer leans over and whispers something in Thomson's ear. Are they boyfriend and girlfriend? Is Boot Camp kind of like Oz in that respect? Brown watches the whispering. In an interview, Brown says that Thomson "might be playing everybody," and that he seems nice but his supportiveness might be "a complete act." In an interview, Thomson says that he doesn't manipulate people, but he reads people really well, and he can usually explain things so that others do what he says. Wow, remember what I said about being deluded before? Double that. No wonder he and Meyer get along so well.
8:30 AM. New Squad Leader. DI Francisco announces to the squad that Moretti has been chosen as the new squad leader. He has? Why didn't we get to see any of that process? Moretti leads the squad through some exercises. In an interview, Moretti says that they needed a strong leader, and he thought that would be either himself or Jackson. Moretti thinks that he is the "most well rounded." Speaking of well rounded, the shot is of a female recruit's ass. Heh. Lots of exercises, including one that I forgot about since I haven't had to do it since high school. I don't know what it's called, but you get into a runner's starting position, but with your hands flat on the ground. Then you have to switch your legs back and forth quickly. I always really hated that one. I think it made me throw up one time. I could do squat thrusts for days, but that one always killed me. Thomson looks like he isn't enjoying it much either, which is surprising since he's in such "exceptional shape." I never noticed that the women are wearing belly shirts. That's funny. In an interview, Brown says that Moretti is "so intense and gets so panicked when he feels like he's not being a perfectionist." That sentence doesn't really make sense, but before I have time to analyze why not, I get distracted by Brown's eyebrows. Lay off the eyebrow pencil, Brown! Jeez. She looks like Joan Crawford or something. This is Boot Camp, not Mommy Dearest. In an interview, Moretti says that he tries to help everyone, and if they want to vote him out for helping people, there's nothing he can do about it. He came here to be himself. As opposed to Brown, who apparently came there to be '80s-era Brooke Shields with the eyebrows.
9:00 AM. Physical Training. Moretti strains to do one more push-up. DI Francisco does push-ups across from Lauder, while he chants, "One for Lauder, one for carpenters, one for plumbers, one for flagpole." What does that even mean? At 10:30 AM, the squad goes for a run along the beach. Coddington stops to retch a few times and DI Taylor is right there to tell her that she should be "hacking as [she's] running, let's go!" I remember when my brother joined the cross-country team, and after the first practice, he told me that he threw up twice. I couldn't then, and can't now, imagine why someone would voluntarily run so far that they threw up. My brother stayed on the team, even though he threw up after almost every race. Don't get it. Not part of my constitution. Coddington starts to walk off, but DI Taylor is right there in her face, telling her to jog. Dude.
11:30 AM. More exercise. More drill instructors yelling. Thomson huffs and puffs all over the place. Because he's in "exceptional shape." Sorry. That just bugged me. My favorite clip of all time (even though it would be better if DI Rosenbum had his hat on) appears -- Meyer is doing push-ups and DI Rosenbum tells him to "save the drama for your mama." I don't know why that hasn't become a catchphrase. I know I plan to use it just like, "I will always wave my finger in your face." The recruits half-walk and half-run somewhere and DI Rosenbum yells at Thomson to walk. DI Rosenbum pulls Thomson aside and tells him that he's not to do anything strenuous until his heart is cleared because the last thing Rosenbum needs is for Thomson to "keel over and do the funky chicken." Aw, Rosenbum is so sensitive.
Thomson voice-overs that the swelling kept getting worse, so he had to go back to the doctor for more tests. The doctor opens the door and he looks like a cross between Mr. Clean and a young Wilford Brimley. He's got the clean-shaved head along with a dark walrus-type moustache. Dr. Wilford Clean checks out Thomson. In an interview, Thomson says that he had to go on a special diet and be hooked up to monitors, and it was scary because they asked him if he had a will. Yikes. Thomson gets his blood pressure taken. In an interview, Thomson explains something about enzymes in his blood and possible kidney damage, and "overworking" could cause it. I don't know what that means. I do know that one of my friends was hospitalized for high blood pressure when he was about twenty, and he also had kidney damage. And it was because he ate only junk food and drank a lot of beer. He's fine, now. Thanks for asking. He married a personal trainer and they eat a lot of egg white omelettes. I'm just saying -- I don't buy Thomson's "I don't know why they think I'm not healthy" excuse here. In an interview, Hutak says that the squad doesn't know what's going on with Thomson. In an interview, Thomson says it was a question of whether he could go back to the game or not. He thought they might give him some medication and go back, but he was wrong. Will Thomson be allowed back in, ever? Will the doctors finally recognize his exceptional shape? Only after this commercial break will we find out.