"Speculation, paranoia and confusion have ruled the Big Brother house this week," Julie tells us from the studio. For once, that's exactly what the producers intended.
After the previouslies and the credits, Julie's back in the studio, with a cantilevered hairdo that looks like an alien laid its eggs in it. Surprisingly, she reveals the results of America's MVP vote for the third nominee, which was Aaryn. Overwhelmingly, in fact. But since Aaryn had already been nominated by Judd (along with Kaitlin), Elissa became the second choice. And then when she won PoV and saved herself, GinaMarie became the third third nominee. Great twist, Big Brother.
Back in the house, GinaMarie is in the Diary Room saying she has no idea who the MVP is. Kaitlin DRs that she has assurances that she's only the pawn, and thus is afraid that if she campaigns for herself she'll just look paranoid. Aaryn figures she'll have to "pull out some magic tricks and make deals." Which turns out to consist of going to Judd and bitching to him and Jessie about how negative GinaMarie is. Magic! This is all far too confusing for Judd, who is starting to consider sending home Kaitlin instead. I don't know either; I've given up trying to figure out what's going on in Judd's head. It's like trying to follow a cricket match by listening to the commentary in Morse code. Judd and Aaryn agree to steer clear of each other so as to avoid arousing suspicion, which of course is when Helen sticks her head in. Aaryn scampers out of there, claiming they were just talking about "random stuff." Which is both a transparent lie and completely true, simply because any conversation with Judd will by definition be studded with great glistening chunks of randomness. Helen makes herself comfortable, followed by Elissa with a plate of food for herself, because they want Judd to tell them who he wants out. I think Judd wants to know that too. He airs his thoughts, such as they are, that Aaryn remains vulnerable but Kaitlin is more dangerous. Elissa wants Aaryn out for her own reasons, despite the fact that no one believes anything Aaryn says about her. Or indeed anything else. Even Jessie points out that Aaryn's not a threat to anyone, and Jessie is barely smarter than Judd is.
Judd finds Howard and Candice in the room that used to be his place of solitary confinement, which he swore never to enter again. Judd makes the case to for keeping Aaryn because everyone hates her anyway. No one more than these two, obviously. Howard's torn between booting his new ally Kaitlin, and getting rid of someone he can't stand. Not sure why that's such a tough decision.
Aaryn approaches Helen with a couple of proposals to try to win Elissa's trust: either throw HoH or let Elissa pick Aaryn's nominees in the event Aaryn wins it. Helen agrees to check with Elissa. Elissa's still having trouble getting over Aaryn's history of racial remarks and still thinks she needs to go. Which I don't disagree with, but Elissa's so whiny about it that I find myself disagreeing with her. Dammit, Elissa!
In the back yard, Helen confers with Judd, Andy and Jessie, saying they can't tell Spencer or Howard about the pending deal with Aaryn. Judd boasts that they'll both do what he says, since he made an alliance with those two, as well as GinaMarie and Kaitlin. Yes, he actually comes right out and tells them this. He calls it a "fake alliance," but I don't think the other four people who are in it know that. Judd DRs that he decided to cross over to the people in the house he actually trusts. And this news is what convinces Helen that Kaitlin has to go, being even more dangerous than she thought. Judd is dangerous too, but the person he poses the greatest danger to is Judd.
In the storage room, Helen reports to Elissa and Amanda about this new alliance, which proves that Howard and Kaitlin are in cahoots. And of course we know how Amanda feels about Howard. Helen tells them to keep it quiet, and Amanda snarks, "Acting is not everybody's forte in this building." She doesn't know the half of it.
And here's the proof: at some point, Elissa is alone in the kitchen with Kaitlin and she comes out and asks her, "Did you make a deal with Spencer and Howard?" Oh my God, can nobody in this house keep their slophole shut for five minutes? Elissa's reason for bringing this up is that she'd rather keep Kaitlin than Aaryn, unlike all of her allies. And I mean, fine, but there's a way to go about it other than secretly screwing your friends behind their back so you can get your way. Obviously this is news to Kaitlin and Elissa suggests a house meeting. Aaryn is somehow overhearing this from the bathroom and realizes she needs to talk to Helen to make sure they still have a deal.
So Aaryn tells Helen about Elissa's unilateral plan-screwing move, which does not please Helen after all her efforts to keep Elissa in the house. A lot of that going around this week. "Oh, my God, she'd better not fuck this up," she mutters to Aaryn. Meanwhile, Kaitlin goes out to the back yard to tell Howard and Spencer that Elissa's onto them. And Helen goes and interrupts a conversation Elissa's having with GinaMarie to demand, "Elissa, what's going on?" Judd's looming over them as well, as Helen tells Elissa what Aaryn told her she said. Elissa denies it, of course. Aaryn picks the worst possible moment to blunder into the room, though she offers to leave. Andy has also wandered in as Aaryn tells the room what she overheard Elissa saying, and suggests bringing Kaitlin in to corroborate. When Kaitlin comes in, she suggests bringing everyone else in so they can clear the air. Soon everyone save Candice (asleep), Amanda and McCrae (canoodling) are in there so they can all discuss it. Elissa doesn't want to say where she heard about the secret alliance, and Judd sits there nervously, since he's the one who blew its cover in the first place. Spencer denies any such alliance, and soon Aaryn and Elissa are yelling at each other about who was talking about whom, to the point where Howard is reconsidering getting rid of Aaryn after all. Who is really quite terrible at this game. It would have been so easy to sit back and let Elissa blow up both herself and Kaitlin, but instead she's all, "Look at me, I'm nominated, let me get all righteously indignant and yell in front of everyone. Again."
So after all that drama, now it's time to dull things down a little with the group Chenterview via the living room viewscreen. Julie starts with Judd, telling him that Twitter is "abuzz with talk about… your grizzly bear shirt." Yeah, I've noticed that shirt but have considered it beneath comment. Julie points out that several other houseguests have been seen wearing it and even suggests she might wear it herself week. It wouldn't be any crazier than most of her other outfits. She then wishes McCrae a happy 24th birthday, and then plays them some footage of the frozen yogurt Have/Have-Not competition, particularly GinaMarie gobbling it down like… I'm sorry, I can't even say it. I don't know how anyone in the house keeps it in.
Almost time for the live vote, but first the three nominees get to make their speeches. Aaryn starts, saying she wants to be there more than anything but has learned a lot and will respect their decision. Kaitlin gives a generic shout-out to the people at home and in the house, as does GinaMarie, adding that she has "a big heart and a bad accent." She says hi to Nick, who is probably dating some really nice guy by now.
Voting begins. Amanda votes to evict Kaitlin, as do McCrae, Helen, Candice and Elissa ("sadly, sadly, sadly"). That's already enough votes to seal Kaitlin's fate, but Spencer, Howard, Andy and Jessie make it the first unanimous vote of the summer. After the ads. GinaMarie is the first to find out she's safe, and Kaitlin doesn't look stunned to find out she's gone. And the only person she hugs on her way out is GinaMarie. Everyone in the house is left to hug each other instead after she's gone, causing all manner of static on their body mics. So inconsiderate.
Out in the studio, Julie asks Kaitlin why she got out of there so quickly and Kaitlin says it was because "people lied to my face and I knew it was coming." She was a little surprised at the unanimous vote and although she initially declines to say she's mad at anyone in particular, she does end up naming Andy, of all people. Julie asks why she's here and Kaitlin blames it in the people she was allied with. Well, you picked them, sweetheart. Julie breaks the news that Kaitlin, Aaryn, and GinaMarie were dubbed the "Mean Girls." Kaitlin's a little stung by this, as she reminds everyone she's from Minnesota. Hey, don't drag me into this, lady. However, she admits, "I aligned with some catty girls." Julie's voice gets dangerously gentle as she says that Aaryn was seen as the ringleader for most of the crap that went on, but Kaitlin was in on it too. "Why participate in ugly behavior?" Kaitlin continues blaming Aaryn, saying it rubbed off on her and she still regrets picking the wrong side of the house.
Julie reminds her that Jeremy left last week, and asks what's for them. All she says is she's going to Vegas and Jeremy can do what he wants. Sounds like she's over him already. In the farewell messages, Helen regretfully tells Kaitlin that Aaryn made them an offer they couldn't refuse, and that Kaitlin would have been "tough to beat at the end." Candice blames Kaitlin's exit on her falling for Jeremy, which is one of the less perceptive comments she's made. Judd says she's hot as hell and wishes they'd worked together sooner so he could have fought to keep her there, which is kind of amazing given his major role in her exit. But then maybe even he doesn't realize what a big part he played. Aaryn calls her the strongest competitor and a great friend. Julie asks Kaitlin's final thoughts, and she says she's looking forward to seeing everyone at finals. "This game turns some people into bad eggs," she says. As for the rest of them, they pretty much already are.
Julie turns to the audience to say that America gets to be the secret MVP again this week, causing Kaitlin to go, "Ooh!" from off-camera, having just learned this. Then about ten minutes of air time are burned off telling us how to vote for one of the remaining twelve players as the third nominee. Yes, there are still twelve people in the house. It's shaping up to be a looong summer.
For the live HoH competition, the back yard has been set up to look like a big casino. Players (not counting outgoing HoH Judd) will take turns rolling croquet balls down a bumpered ramp into a giant, slowly spinning roulette wheel, with the goal of getting their ball to land in the slot with the highest number. Andy takes a while preparing to roll, as if this isn't totally random, and gets a 23. McCrae rolls a 28 and takes Andy's place in the winner's circle. GinaMarie gets 3 and Candice gets a 27, so McCrae holds onto the lead. But then Spencer gets 34, so he steals the lead from McCrae. Aaryn also takes a while setting up her shot, but it turns out to be worth it, because her ball lands in the 36 slot, the highest number. Howard rolls a 17, Jessie a 2, Helen 28, Amanda 1 and Elissa 0. So Aaryn's HoH. See, this is why you don't keep horrible people in the house for being horrible, everyone. They win the HoH every time.
For some reason, Julie has Jeff Schroeder in the studio. The audience cheers for him like he's not a homophobic prick, which to be fair they might not all know about. Julie asks him what he thinks the chances are that Aaryn will go back on the deal she made to stay in the house, like his opinion means anything. Jeff is doubtful, so Julie asks whether Aaryn should keep her word. Jeff ruefully says that he always did and look where it got him. Well, he keeps coming back, doesn't he? She asks him his thoughts on the BBMVP twist, which turn out to not be remotely coherent, and what he thinks about the effect it must be having on the players. Jeff says that people go crazy in the house, which we saw this week with the rampant theory that Elissa nominated herself. As for his relationship with Jordan, Jeff pretty much dodges the question by talking about their travel itineraries, but Julie wants to know if they're engaged yet. Jeff tries to run out the clock before saying, "Almost." He picks McCrae to win the season, and that's it for Jeff. Julie plugs the upcoming week as always and then we're back in the house in the aftermath of Aaryn's HoH win, not that we can hear anything they're saying. But I think it's said best by one of the Tweets on the bottom of the screen that I usually ignore: "We have to look at that clown again…. NOOOO" Right there with you, @IGOBYPUTT.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.
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