Julie Chen is wearing what looks like a satin straightjacket gone wrong, which seems about right considering that the Big Brother house has a lot in common with an insane asylum. She's hyping the MVP twist, showmances and the three nominees on the chopping block tonight. The Chenbot doesn't at all mention the bigoted and racial remarks that Aaryn and GinaMarie have been making that has caused them both to get fired from their day jobs, so I guess we're just going to be ignoring that. Great. Let's get a move on with the stupidity the editors want to show us instead.
We flashback to Sunday's episode, where McCrae stupidly took Candice off the block and put up Elissa instead because "the house told him to" -- when we clearly saw that his own alliance was telling him to keep the nominations as is. So who exactly he means when he uses the term "house" is a mystery. McCrae says he's hoping that Nick will be able to secure enough votes to get David out, which wouldn't have been an issue had he just left Candice on the block. David says he's thrilled that Elissa is sitting to him on the couch and he thinks that she's a goner for sure and he's going to be able to keep living rent-free for another week. Nick DR's that McCrae is an idiot. Elissa is pissed, but handling it better than I'd expected. She says she's got to be more open with the houseguests in order to have a fighting chance.
thing we see, she's up in the HOH room telling Amanda, McCrae and Andy that she's Rachel's sister and that she won MVP. Andy is excited and hopes this means they can work together. Elissa is thrilled that she's got Rachel's fans on her sides, and Amanda looks like she hadn't considered this as an option. Amanda may not be as smart as I was giving her credit for. Amanda also thinks that Elissa's confession makes her more human. Sorta.
Out to the couch where we see Jeremy (who my mom says looks like Ashton Kutcher and now I can't unsee that) complaining that he wants to go in the pool, but is too lazy. Kaitlin says she can't help him and then he rips open his button down shirt. Then later she wants to play hacky sack, but doesn't want to get out of the hammock. Then they "nap" together in his bed. She apologizes to her dad in her DR for the makeout sessions. Then she does that thing where she kicks his abs as hard as she can and then hurts her foot in the process. I cannot even imagine being stuck in this house.
Elissa, Judd and Helen are commiserating about being have-nots. They are excited that they only have a few more hours of suffering before "Party Darty" returns. Everyone carefully announces that they are waiting until midnight to celebrate the end of have-not week. Was it really a week or more like 4 days? Of course, selfish Aaryn can't wait an hour to get her drink on, so she gets Jeremy to go get the only bottle of red wine and he pours her a giant tumbler full, as well as one for himself. Kaitlin and David are there as well, but we don't see them drinking. Cue celebrating in the kitchen by the have-nots and the have-not friends... and then horror when they realize that they are stuck drinking soda because there's no more wine. Is there really only one bottle of wine? I'd have thought that the BB producers would provide copious amounts of alcohol in order to keep them more interesting. They all realize that Jeremy is the one that took it, and Aaryn giggles to her pals that she drank it. She walks through the kitchen and people stare at her, but don't actually accuse of her. Helen -- who looks like she really needs a drink -- is highly angry in her DR, but she's just stuffing her face and stewing in the kitchen.
Aaryn goes outside, where Jeremy and Spencer are sitting and says that everyone is losing it and mad at her because she drank the wine. She claims it wasn’t her idea, and Jeremy throws himself on the sword and says it was all him. She stirs the pot and says that they are so mean to her, when no one said anything. She says that everyone needs a smackdown and she’s sick of them. Jeremy goes into the kitchen, takes the blame and Aaryn stands behind him with her arms crossed like a little kid who just tattled to her teacher and got her way. Even if I hadn’t known about her live-feed behavior, I’d be inclined to want to smack this bitchy girl. Helen says that no one said anything, but ignores her and says that if they are gonna be mean, he’s going to be mean right back. Then he says Amanda was in on it, but she’ll deny it and we see Amanda walking down the stares looking baffled at hearing her name. As she should. After Tweedledum and Tweedlebitch walk out of the kitchen, Elissa comments that Aaryn was right behind him the whole time, and Andy says that Aaryn’s the head of the snake and Jeremy is the “ridiculous hulking body of the snake.” Perhaps Aaryn should have showmanced with Jeremy instead of David… maybe that’s kind of a spoiler for the end of the episode.
Outside by the hot tub, Aaryn is just so thrilled that Jeremy went off on the people who have been talking behind their backs all week. Really? And she proclaims that she won’t stop until all of the jerks are out of the house, while waving her hands like she’s Richard Nixon saying he’s not a crook. She complains to Jeremy that “they” are so two-faced because they looked confused at Jeremy’s random rant. She also says she’s not sorry. Then Amanda comes out of the house angry that she was brought into this mess. Jeremy tells her to “shut up and listen.” Class act, this guy. Amanda tells him that’s disrespectful. So he changes his tact to “be quiet and listen.” Major improvement, moron. He says that he came out and people were talking smack about Aaryn drinking the wine and he continues to perpetuate the myth that he drank it all. Helen’s inside crying that Amanda is fighting this battle for her and she says she would never raise boys that treated people so poorly. Amanda is screaming at Jeremy that other people drank, he says no. I’m not why she’s bothering with this meathead. Then he threatens to bring out his Native American roots and start throwing spears at buffalo (by which he means he’s ready to play the game). He adds that this house is only going to get worse in the few weeks, and this might be the most accurate thing he’s ever said.
When we come back from the break, we’re done with the fighting apparently, and have moved on to seeing how the strangest showmance of the season has started. Amanda decides that McCrae seems like the most normal guy (and she may be right) and goes up to his HOH room, crawls in bed with him, takes off her bra and generally makes him incredibly nervous and confused. He calls her a maneater, and looks slightly terrified/excited. She does ask if he’s just lying about being a pizza delivery boy, thinking he may be Doogie Howser or something, and he just basks in the glory of getting lucky (with some possible undercover handjobs according to feed watchers) with a gorgeous and successful older woman with giant boobs.
Aaryn assures David that he’s safe and that Elissa is going home. While outside we see Judd, Spencer and Amanda figuring out finally that if Elissa is going to continuously win MVP, that they can get her on their side and use that to get someone nominated that they want on a weekly basis. Amanda says that Elissa, “isn’t the sharpest botox needle on the tray” but that she’s related to someone who is. Good for the editors for finding the most Rachel-looking shot of Elissa ever to accompany this conversation. Spencer has to run this past the Moving Company. He talks to Nick, who then tells Jeremy (who needs extra explanation). Spencer clears the plan by Howard (who has been almost invisible this episode), and then goes upstairs and runs it by McCrae. It’s like a lame game of telephone.
Finally, Julie talks to the houseguests in the living room. She starts with Andy and he’s tickled to be acknowledged by the Chenbot. He says that the mood of the house has been odd today. Helen gets to talk about the three nominee twist. She also steals Julie’s expect the unexpected line. Judd (who is wearing the most awesome bear shirt) talks about how horrible the have-not room has been this year. Candice is just thrilled to be off the block and says she has “remorse” (not the right word) for the people who are sitting on the nominee couch. up, the live vote. No chat with McCrae in the HOH room?
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Julie reminds us that this is the first time there have been three nominees. Before they vote, there are speeches. Jessie wishes her dad a happy birthday and talks about partying more if she gets to stay. She knows she’s on the block with two big targets and it sitting pretty. Elissa says she’s been a target since Day 1 and she says it would be smart to keep her around to keep the focus off of everyone else. Stealing from her sister with that move. She then namechecks Brenchel and paraphrases a Rachel quote “no one comes between me and my Big Brother game… not even you McCrae.” David thinks he should stay because he’s nice and might wear a pink dress again. He’s so oblivious.
Votes go down like this: Amanda, Nick, Spencer, Helen, Howard, Judd and Andy vote to evict David; Aaryn, Jeremy, Candice, Kaitlyn and GinaMarie vote for Elissa. Julie tells Jessie that she’s safe with zero votes, and then Julie says that David is the first person evicted. Aaryn looks dumbfounded. There’s a big silence as there’s clearly some 7-second delay censoring happening. They keep zooming in on Aaryn who looks just so pissed, as the houseguests mill and get bleeped waiting for David’s picture fade to gray. Because of the censoring we miss the entire convo happening between Nick and GinaMarie.
Outside, David talks to Julie Chen. She wants to know what happened, and he says that he’s smart and likable and people would vote for him to win at the end. Julie Chen is trying so hard not to roll her eyes directly at him. He claims that he had a vibe, because Andy and Helen were treating him differently and acting nervously all week. Julie says that he originally wanted to go on the show for love (maybe he’d have been better off with The Bachelor) and not necessarily the money. He says when he saw Aaryn his heart dropped and she’s the kind of girl he’s been waiting for his whole life. One that can spell, say bigoted things and doesn’t mind that he lives in his parents basement still. He then says he hopes that she didn’t vote to evict him, which is the most self-aware thing he’s said all season. He says he had a good time, but was bored when there weren’t competitions. Julie brings up the veto competition and his lack of spelling prowess, while pretty much laughing in his face. It’s great. He says he was going the fastest, but he couldn’t pop the bubbles on his chest fast enough.
Now for the goodbye messages: Jeremy says he’s sorry and he’ll eliminated people on David’s behalf; Nick talks about the Moving Company and says that Jeremy was one of the people in that alliance. There is visible confusion on David’s face at this news; Amanda — who might be my personal favorite this season — says that she’s sorry he had to go but that’s what happens when you showmance with the biggest bitch in the house. Awesome. Aaryn cries and says he’s her best friend in the house. Julie tries to get him to leave, but before she can shake his hand, he asks if he can find out who was MVP and nominated him. Julie won’t tell, but assures him that he can go home and watch all the tapes. She thinks he’s in for a big surprise. Everything seems to be a big surprise for this guy.
Time for BB-BBQ, in honor of July 4th. They are out back and Julie tells us that they’ve been paired up using a random selection during the break. Each team has a giant chili pots filled with barbecue sauce and in front of them there is a greased up floor with a hedge in the middle. At the end are giant plastic jugs and to the big jug there’s a smaller jug, that — if filled — will give them a bigger ladle. The teams have one person on the chili pot side of the hedge with a tiny cup, one person on the jug side, and have to skate/shimmy back and forth, transferring their sauce at the hedge. It is unclear with teams of two how an actual HOH will be determined. People look confused, Julie asks for questions, pauses for half-a-second, and then just proceeds. McCrae is just sitting in the corner looking like he’s taking a nap. Team Judd and Nick seem to be the only team opting to try and fill up the smaller jug first. People are falling all over the place and this is one of those challenges that goes on well past the end of the episode. Julie reminds us that week they are returning to their old schedule, with Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday episodes. Weird to switch after a week, but whatever, I’m sure my DVR will figure it out.
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If you want to see who won the HOH competition, I highly recommend checking out hamsterwatch. One of the more comprehensive and entertaining feed-aholics out there. And if you want to talk about Big Brother, come join us on the zeebox app in our TV Without Pity Big Brother room where there are clips and conversations before, during and after the episodes.
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Time for BB-BBQ, in honor of July 4th. They are out back and Julie tells us that they've been paired up using a random selection during the break. Each team has a giant chili pots filled with barbecue sauce and in front of them there is a greased up floor with a hedge in the middle. At the end are giant plastic jugs and to the big jug there's a smaller jug, that -- if filled -- will give them a bigger ladle. The teams have one person on the chili pot side of the hedge with a tiny cup, one person on the jug side, and have to skate/shimmy back and forth, transferring their sauce at the hedge. It is unclear with teams of two how an actual HOH will be determined. People look confused, Julie asks for questions, pauses for half-a-second, and then just proceeds. McCrae is just sitting in the corner looking like he's taking a nap. Team Judd and Nick seem to be the only team opting to try and fill up the smaller jug first. People are falling all over the place and this is one of those challenges that goes on well past the end of the episode. Julie reminds us that week they are returning to their old schedule, with Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday episodes. Weird to switch after a week, but whatever, I'm sure my DVR will figure it out.
If you want to see who won the HOH competition, I highly recommend checking out hamsterwatch. One of the more comprehensive and entertaining feed-aholics out there. And if you want to talk about Big Brother, come join us on the zeebox app in our TV Without Pity Big Brother room where there are clips and conversations before, during and after the episodes.