You may recall that HoH Ian nominated Frank and Jenn on Sunday. You may even care. Now we're back in Day 56, and Frank Diary Rooms that Ian must still be mad at him over Britney's exit, even though Ian was the only one who voted to keep her (and Dan was the one who engineered her exit, if you come right down to it). Jenn's just thrilled to still be remotely relevant so she can boast in the DR about what a fighter she is. Even Dan can't believe how well things are going for him. And Ian himself assures us that his nominations are almost completely strategic rather than personal. Which doesn't really explain why Jenn is on the block. At all.
Jenn has a whispered conversation with Danielle, who reveals after several guesses that she "thinks" Frank is the target. Jenn's nervous, but doesn't say why. Danielle assures Jenn that she'll be safe if the nominations don't change, but Jenn isn't fully assured. She thinks it's because of the historical tendency of the pawn to go home, but in fact it's the sound coming from behind her, which is Dan sharpening his knives.
Later, Frank comes out of the bathroom and tells Jenn they'll be fine as long as one of the two of them is saved and Joe is nominated in their place. Because Frank thinks he's still in a secret alliance with Dan and Danielle. You'd think Jenn might mention that Danielle just told her Frank's the target. But of course Jenn doesn't know about Danielle's restored secret alliance with Ian. Or with Dan. I think Dan may be the only person who knows what's actually going on in this house. He may even know more than we do.
The least relevant person in all of this, Joe, pays Ian a visit and offers to not use the Veto in the event he wins it this week. Why not also offer to tackle any mobsters who seem poised to abduct Ian from the backyard, which seems much more likely? Ian informs Joe that if either Frank or Jenn is saved by the Veto, Joe would be the replacement nominee. Which Ian can afford to share, because who gives a fuck about Joe? Also, Ian remembers his HoH deal with Shane to keep both him and Danielle safe this week, so Joe is his only other option. As if Dan doesn't exist. Joe leaves, probably not feeling much better than when he came in.
Dan, keeping up the pretense of his final-two alliance with Frank, has a quiet chat with him in the storage room. The poor hairy naïf DRs that he's worried about Jenn getting saved and being nominated with Dan, which would mess up their final-two deal but good. Frank even goes so far as to say the best-case scenario would be for the nominations to stay the same. Dan DRs that he might even be able to convince Frank to throw him the PoV competition this week. Oh, come on, is anyone that stupid?
Dan and Ian hang out in the HoH room and chat about Dan's brother-in-law's OCD -- and also Ian's, which Dan has sort of freelance diagnosed. Ian says he's actually got something more like ADHD, which makes him feel the need to always be moving to deal with his kind of internal rattling. I'm sure this is meant to be a touching moment, but all I can think of is how Dan is eventually going to manipulate Ian into having to stand still for some crucial competition someday.
Time for the PoV drawing, and with only seven people still in the house, there'll be only one person sitting it out. Ian, Frank, and Jenn are playing automatically, as the HoH and nominees always do. Frank is hoping Dan and Danielle will be in the competition because he still thinks they're his allies. Ian draws Dan's name, Frank draws Danielle's (careful what you wish for, Frank), and Jenn draws Joe's name. That leaves only Shane out, while Joe looks pleased to be in the game, even if it's only going to be for a matter of seconds.
Frank tries to cheer up Jenn, who's on slop for the duration (thanks to the punishment she took in last week's Veto competition, which of course ended up benefiting Dan, always Dan) and is feeling bad about being nominated against her one ally. Frank tries to spin a positive scenario in which Joe goes home, like he isn't currently plotting with Dan to keep Jenn on the block in order to keep Dan off it, even as Dan's plotting Frank's demise. How has this doofus lasted so long in this game?
Frank's visit is to Dan, although Frank is temporarily unrecognizable with all his hair under a bandanna. "We can control who wins this thing," Dan whispers, which is his way of saying, "You should let me win this thing." Frank's worried about what might happen if he stays on the block, but also worried about Dan being his replacement. Even in the DR, Frank seems to think this is a tough decision (it's not). But he tells Dan to win PoV, rescue Jenn from the block, and watch Ian put Joe in her place, whereupon Frank thinks Joe will go home. Dan all but sneers at Frank's gullibility in the DR, along with a viewing audience of dozens. But to Frank's face, he swears not to vote him out. Good thing there's no lightning in the house.
While everyone's locked inside, a loud sound effect and cries of "Mayday" come through the shaded-over backdoor. Shane excitedly announces a crash-landing in the backyard, which is Big Brother's way of having him tell them it's time for the Veto competition. They come out to find the yard made up like a farm, with a fake flying saucer fake-crashed into the fake barn. "I THOUGHT FOR SURE I WAS BACK HOME!" Joe bellows from the DR, although he admits that this is probably the clearest sighting of a UFO he's ever had. Inside the dome of the fake spaceship, a green rubber alien puppet named Otev (I think Otev has had more faces than the Doctor by now) tells the Veto players that he needs corn to fuel his ship. Except he only wants corn that's marked with the answer to a riddle he's going to ask them each round. After retrieving a correct one, each player then has to climb the ramp and kneel on a vacant corn sack (no, not Ashley).
The tricky part, as with every time of this game that seems to come back with a new skin every season, is that there's always going to be one more player than corn sacks, so the last person to the top of the ramp at the end of each round is eliminated. And the last person to get eliminated wins PoV, which is shown attached to a hovering flying saucer over the yard. Best special effects I've ever seen on this show. For round one, the riddle is about the "voluptuous dame" who was the first player evicted after the game was reset. The players scatter around the yard, with its haystacks, water hazards, and goo hazards in search of a corncob marked with Janelle's name. To my utter shock, Joe's the first to make it up the ramp, followed by Frank, then Dan. Ian (who doesn't even want to win unless it's to keep one of the nominees from doing so), Jenn, and Danielle race up the ramp for the last two spots, with Danielle coming in last. And the other five all got the correct answer, so Danielle's out. "Don't hug me, good job," Shane says, greeting her sticky ass at the sidelines with a towel. He's referring to how messy she is, but the sentiment probably applies in general.
In round two, Otev asks who was evicted the week of Zingbot's return, which was Wil. Jenn's the first to the top of the ramp, then Dan, then Joe, while Frank and Ian both search frantically. Frank wins the race to the last spot, and he and the other three are all correct. So Ian's out, and humiliated. Mainly because Joe beat him. Understandable. The humiliation, I mean.
Third round: who got a wrong answer in the "Battle of the Bands" challenge lo these many weeks ago? Everyone knows that's Mike, and after a quick mass search, Dan leads the way to the top of the ramp, followed by Jenn and Frank, while Joe brings up the rear and goes back to the sidelines where he belongs. For the fourth round, Otev asks us who was picked last and evicted first. Amazingly, they all still remember Jodi. Good thing they have a memory wall. Frank is the first to the top, then Dan, then finally Jenn, so she's out. Once again it's Frank versus Dan, and Jenn DRS that she's hoping Dan will win and save her. Joe wonders to Ian on the bench whether Dan will return the favor, but Ian shuts that idea right down. Meanwhile, Dan and Frank are having a whispered conversation at the top of the ramp while waiting for the round to start. Frank is getting cold feet about keeping the nominations the same -- or at least a slightly warmer brain -- and tells Dan that he's worried Ian will listen to Shane or Danielle. Frank has finally concluded in the DR that it might be best for him to win PoV. You THINK?
The last question is about who went first on the Thin Ice game. The horn sounds, and both Frank and Dan are now motivated to win for reasons of their own. Enough, in fact, that it's judged a sufficiently tense moment to go to commercial. We come back with the competition edited to be strung out way longer than any of the other rounds up until now. Dan admits in the DR that he didn't know the answer, but was going to go with either Ashley or JoJo, whichever one he found first. He is the first one up the ramp, and Frank asks Dan what he got. "You'll find out at the reveal," Dan says cagily. And it turns out he got it right, so he wins PoV. Even luck is on his side. "This is our opportunity if there ever was one," Ian whispers to Shane on the bench. Dan celebrates in the DR, while Jenn hopes that Dan will save her this week.
As for Frank, he admits that he hasn't always trusted Dan, but will never doubt him again if he comes through for him now. Dan himself tells us that he's in two alliances and can do whatever he wants. Which, alas, seems to include Dan walking around the house in his underwear a lot after the competition. After congratulating his half-naked self in the storage room, he goes up to Ian and they make a Renegade-style pledge to take each other to the final two. So that's Ian, Danielle, and Frank that Dan has current final-two deals with. At least one of them is going to be disappointed in the end. Dan reminds us that he was loyal and honest to one person last time, but this time he's doing whatever it takes to win. Which, last time, was being honest and loyal. I'm just saying.
Dan talks to Frank about what he's going to do. "Obviously you know I can't use it on you, right?" he tells Frank, who eagerly agrees, because he wants to keep his secret (and, unbeknownst to him, no longer extant) alliance with Dan under wraps, whereas if Dan saves Jenn, it can be under cover of returning a favor. Dan tells Frank he just needs to find out who Ian will put up in her place.
Dan does go to Ian, but it's to give Ian the idea, Inception-style, that Jenn needs to be vetoed, because if that doesn't happen, Frank and Jenn will realize he's no longer on their side. Dan and Ian run through the various scenarios, at the end of which Ian ends up planning to put up Joe in Jenn's place. "My master plan is working!" Dan beams in the DR. And then later, Frank finds Dan and reinforces that this is the best plan...for Dan. "Are you crazy? Do you know what's about to happen to you?" Dan rhetorically asks Frank in the DR. Clearly he doesn't.
Dan then has a quiet talk with Jenn in which he says he plans to veto her against Ian's wishes (only half of which is true) and then wonders what they should do if it's Frank against Joe. "Vote Joe out," Jenn says, repressing her "duh" face as much as she can. And then Dan oversells it a bit, telling her he hopes she can trust him. And since she'll owe him, she'd better. I'm pretty sure he just made a final-two deal with her, too. Who's left, anyway?
Pre-veto meeting, Dan talks about his sweet position after his near-death experience last week, Frank DRs about the paramount importance of keeping his (now one-sided, unbeknownst to Frank) alliance with Dan secret. It's not an Enigma machine, Frank, jeez. "IT WILL BE ONE LONG, GRUELING, TIRING WEEK IF I END UP ON THE BLOCK TODAY," Joe DRs. Yes, for all of us. Ian also wants to keep his alliance with Dan secret. Dan finally convenes the PoV meeting, and remembers to let the nominees speak in their defense like so few Veto holders have this season (not that I mind when they skip it; it keeps things moving along faster).
Frank says he doesn't expect to be vetoed given his long rivalry with Dan, but "reminds" Dan that he, Frank has to skip the HoH competition this coming week, so it might be better to keep him while he's still vulnerable. Jenn "reminds" Dan about his funeral last week, which she rescued him from, and straight-up asks him to return the favor. Dan gives a hometown shout-out to Dearborn, where he says you don't make deals until you've paid your debts, so he's using the Veto on Jenn. Ian glowers fairly convincingly as the charade plays out, and "reluctantly" puts up Joe in Jenn's place, for the lack of other options. And that's the Veto meeting.
Jenn DRs that she's glad to be off the block, but hopes she and Frank can trust Dan. Joe blusters loudly in the DR about not going without a fight; and Frank, who is still nominated, says everything is going according to plan. That may be the first time a nominee on this show has ever said that. Of course, the person we all really want to hear from right now is Dan, who says, not at all revealingly, "It's not personal, it's just business." So will Frank finally head out the door tomorrow, or will Dan sacrifice Joe to a desire to cover his ass a little longer with all the people he's in bed with? In any case, it's double elimination tomorrow, so if Frank makes it, he's going to be pretty pleased that the HoH reign he passed up a shot at is going to be less than an hour long anyway.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.