You may recall that on Sunday, HoH Danielle (which, right there: !) nominated Wil and Frank. Wil's taking it with his usual level of equanimity, as we see in the DR; Frank reminds us that this is his third nomination in four weeks (one of which he was HoH), and Dan says that he managed to pull off keeping the coaches safe, just like he'd hoped. After the nomination ceremony, Danielle and Wil head up to the HoH room and have a teary heart-to-heart in which Danielle assures Wil that he's not her target. Wil hugs her in forgiveness, but we already know that later he's going to go into the DR and bitch about her, so who's the untrustworthy one again?
Frank laughs ruefully to Mike about how he's been nominated three of four weeks, and wonders why everyone's out to get him. They agree that they hate Danielle. And Dan. And Janelle. And pretty much everyone else in the house except each other. Mike in turn figures that his own non-nomination means that he's getting backdoored, because he's unaware of Dan's coach-protecting campaign. Maybe that's something Dan should talk to Mike about. It at least makes more sense than Frank considering cutting his hair so he'll seem less threatening. Listen, Frank, there are a number of reasons the other players consider you a threat, but your hair's at the bottom of the list.
Janelle visits the HoH room and she and Dan talk about how Mike is being an idiot, "up Frank's ass" and everything. Dan asks Janelle what's up with that, and Janelle tells Dan about how Mike doesn't want to play with women, and is all "bros before hos." I'm actually disappointed in Dan that he needs to be told this. Janelle says in the DR (and to Dan) that the coaches need to work together. Dan agrees to approach Mike, with more reluctance than anything else.
Down in the storage room, Dan talks to Mike about what he hopes is Mike's "angry act," but Mike assures him it's not an act, since he's expecting to be backdoored. But more to the point, Mike is angry over being lied to about Frank, and isn't open to Dan's overtures. In fact, he says that if he, Mike, wins the Veto, he plans to use it to save Frank. Well, clearly one guy in this room realizes that the game has changed, and one doesn't.
Ian is feeling pretty abandoned by Mike, and is now casting about for an alliance to join. And being pretty obvious with people that this is exactly what he is doing. He approaches Britney and Danielle in the HoH room and says he's looking to work with someone. Britney asks Ian if he's be willing to vote Mike out if it comes to it, and even after last week's debacle, Ian mush-mouths a vaguely affirmative answer rather than the simple yes Britney's interviewing for. Britney gives him a little speech about loyalty and his need to make up his mind before they're willing to take him on board. Dan wanders in, and seems more open to the Ian of it all.
By M. Giant
Time for the PoV player drawing. Danielle calls nominees Frank and Wil to the front of the room. Danielle draws Shane's name, which is good for her. Frank draws Jenn, which is good for Jenn, because now people will remember she's in the house. And Wil draws Ian's name. Mike is disappointed not to get a chance to save Frank (and himself, while he's at it), and unimpressed with Ian and/or Jenn's chances to win it for themselves. Danielle picks Dan as the competition's host, duh.
When most of the house is apparently asleep that night, Frank and Janelle find themselves in a room together. Frank thinks Janelle thinks he wants all the coaches out, and they talk about which of them hasn't talked to the other a bit, until Janelle starts putting out feelers for an alliance with Frank. We get a portentous shot of Britney coming down the stairs, as though to warn us that this could get awkward. She doesn't confront them, but goes back to the HoH room and tells Dan and Danielle about Janelle's treachery. Danielle joins Britney in getting irritated, but Dan, who DRs that he's trying to keep the coaches together, wants to smooth things over. Let's just say that as of the commercials, he has not succeeded.
Without preamble, the players come out the day to a backyard made up like a cheap baseball stadium for the PoV competition. Only instead of a small baseball diamond, there's a diamond-shaped arrangement of numbered bins laid out in front of a large skee-ball ramp. Danielle drools in the DR about Shane in his baseball pants, and then Dan -- dressed like a bulletproof umpire -- explains the rules. In each round, each player will get a chance to roll their ball into the bins, scoring the number of points marked on the bin their ball lands in. The one with the lowest score will be eliminated, but will get to collect a box of off-brand Cracker Jack from a shelf with a prize inside. And as expected, this is one of those Yankee Swap/White Elephant things, where any player can swap their prize for one received by a previously eliminated player.
The competition begins, and Frank rolls a 20, which is the highest number on the board. He'll be safe this round. Ian tells us in the DR that he plans to throw the PoV competition, since he hasn't picked a side yet and holding the Veto this week would force him to do just that. He only gets a 3, but Shane gets a 2. Jenn DRs that she wants to do well so people know she exists (although those aren't her exact words), and scores a 9. Danielle gets a 4 and Wil gets a 6, so Shane's 2 means he's out of the PoV. He picks up the sixth-place box and finds the PoV medal inside it. He says he gets one last chance to wear it, four weeks in a row, although he knows full well that he's not going to get to keep it. He parks his veto-holding ass in the dugout and awaits the inevitable stripping of his medal.
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Ian goes first on the round and gets a 20. He can't even throw competitions properly. Jenn and Danielle each get a six, followed by Wil's 5 and Frank's 9. Wil's out, and his prize turns out to be a "Veto Ticket." With it, he's guaranteed to play in week's PoV competition. Well, unless he's voted out, I presume. Wil decides to trade it for Shane's PoV medal, because, as he says in the DR, "What good is a Veto Ticket if I'm not around to use it?" Well, for one thing, a Veto Ticket is a prize you have an ass-hair's chance of actually holding onto.
In round 3, Jenn gets a 2, so she's probably on her way back to obscurity. Danielle's score is 10, Frank gets a 4, and Ian gets a 5. Jenn's fourth-place prize is a vacation to Maui. Britney sarcastically DRs about how great it is that Jenn's hard work in the house has been rewarded. Jenn decides to keep it. Yes, good luck with that. In the fourth round, Danielle and Frank both get 9s, but Ian gets a 4. So his plan to throw the competition has gone brilliantly. And then his prize turns out to be something called "It's a Dog's Life." Which means he'll have to sleep in a doghouse and stay inside a pen for 24 hours, only being allowed out if another houseguest walks him on a leash. "And remember, no pets allowed on the furniture." That's not kinky at all, right? Dan offers to let Ian trade it, which is what anybody other than Ian would do, but Ian keeps his punishment rather than snatching someone else's prize. Mike reacts as though some being from another planet has landed in the backyard, because unselfish behavior is literally that alien to him.
Only one round left, and it's between Danielle and Frank, both of whom are highly motivated to win it, seeing as how Danielle really wants Frank out and Frank really doesn't. Frank gets an 8, but Danielle gets a 10, so she wins the competition. Frank gets to open the second-place box, which is good for five thousand dollars cash. He makes the futile trade with Wil for the PoV, on the faint hope that Danielle will decide she wants the cash or the Maui trip instead and leave him alone. The "prize" in the winner's box is, no surprise, this year's incarnation of the famous unitard, which is called the "spiritard." Danielle trades it, unsurprisingly, for the Veto, meaning it looks like Frank will have to exit the house in head-to-toe Spandex. Frank whines in the DR about how he's going to have to hustle for votes, and Mike downplays the loss in the DR, saying he's never relied on competitions much in the past, and he knows exactly what to do, since he's done it "many, many, many times before." Which is a big part of his problem.
Of course, Mike and Frank hole up in the arcade room to discuss their move. Frank hopes to get Danielle to change the nominations, but Mike points out that Dan's the one he's going to need to convince. Too bad for him he just shot Dan down in the storage room, and also too bad for Mike that his dream replacement-nom is Janelle, who Dan will want to protect at all costs. Mike's plan is never going to work, unless at least one other person in the house behaves even more stupidly.
Frank models the "spiritard," a purple unitard complete with a sewn-on skirt and pompoms. And Ian excitedly goes to the DR to find his dog costume, complete with cheesy collar and nametag. Ian thinks this is great, not only because it's a step up from the Have-Not room, but also because he thinks the other houseguests will like him for it. You'd think a "superfan" would know better. In the backyard during Ian's canine period, Mike goes up to Ian's little kennel and says, "This is bizarre, but do you have to go to the bathroom?" Ian politely declines. In a clearly scripted DR bit, Mike sadly says that he thought he had assembled the perfect team, with brawn and brains. Ironic zoom out to show him now flanked by spiritarded Frank and canine Ian. Oh, the hilarity.
Jenn obliviously walks Ian up to the HoH room, so he can finalize a deal with Dan, Danielle, Shane, and Britney. And since Frank lost the PoV and Ian is still in his dog costume, he's not exactly negotiating from a position of strength. But they let him in, since that's pretty much all he's asking for. Apparently Ian is some kind of duck fan, and Britney's unenthusiastic guesses on what Ian wants to name their secret alliance lands on "Quack Pack," which Ian seizes on. They all make a final-five deal as the Quack Pack. Well, it's no worse than Chill Town.
Later, Mike goes up to the HoH room to quietly propose to Danielle his idea for getting rid of Janelle. He runs the numbers for her, saying that Danielle's alliance of four (because he doesn't know about Ian), as well as Frank and himself, can vote Janelle out easily and become like the Avengers. He may have oversold it at the end there. Danielle manages not to laugh in his face, but politely voices a worry that Mike might flip on her. Mike flatters her that he'd have no reason to, and if they don't get rid of Janelle when they have the chance she could get almost to the end again. Danielle actually seems tempted, if not totally convinced.
Later, Mike starts to make the same case to Dan, when Janelle sticks her head in, pretending (badly) to look for Danielle but really just trying to see what's going on. Mike games it out for Dan while Janelle leads Britney back up into the HoH room. Suddenly it's the four coaches in the room together. Britney just puts it out there as to whether they're all going to work together. Janelle agrees that they should, and Mike acts like he's ready to do just that -- if they get rid of Wil. Janelle says she's fine with that -- week. After watching her make such an obvious, clumsy bluff, Mike flatly tells her, "I don't trust you," and says he's not turning on Frank no matter what. Dan and Britney appreciate Mike's "honesty" while Janelle sits there looking like she's been slapped. Dan asks how they can smooth things over between the four coaches, and Mike suggests nominating Joe in Frank's place. Which is a completely outrageous offer, asking Janelle to agree to put up two of her three players when Mike couldn't give less of a rat's ass about Ian or Jenn. Instead of pointing that out, or even trying to negotiate a compromise, Janelle sits there like a Jennifer Coolidge character for what seems like an indefinite stalemate. Britney decides they've been up there long enough, so she and Janelle leave Dan and Mike to it.
"Well, that clearly is never gonna work," Dan understates to Mike, who thinks that was a great demonstration of why they need to turf Janelle. Mike says he and Dan as the final two would be the best show, "And there's no better way to kick that off than sending that liar home." Dan's in, and he DRs, "It's about time the two winners on this game got back on the same side." Frank joins them in the HoH room, and Dan tells him they're ready to roll. Frank grins a Dennis Quaid grin. Shouldn't someone at least consult the Head of Household?
When Danielle (and Britney and Shane and Ian) returns to the HoH room, Dan and Britney fill them in. Britney sums it up: Mike "would rather go down with the ship than work with Janelle." Dan starts polling the room, and Ian's got it all figured out: he doesn't think Mike would nominate any of them were he to win HoH week, but there's no telling what Janelle would do in the same position, so he thinks it's safer to ditch her. Britney and Shane are both split, but Dan and Danielle both want Janelle out, so it's decided.
Now it's time to let Frank and Mike know the decision is made, and see what they can milk out of them. But of course Ian is excused before that happens, because his status in the group is still secret. Mike vows to form a final-six deal with those present: Dan, Danielle, Britney, Shane, Frank, and himself. Frank suggests a name for this secret new alliance: the Silent Six. Oh, if only. They do their secret-shushing handshake, even as Janelle is coming upstairs. She knocks, but she can't come in, as Mike and Frank hide in the bathroom even as none of the others make a move to let her in. Okay, when you knock on the HoH room door and there's no answer? Start packing.
Danielle calls the Veto meeting. Without preamble or any speeches from the nominees, Danielle says she will be using the PoV to save Wil. Janelle doesn't look as relieved as you might expect. Sure enough, Danielle sends her to the other nominees' chair. Britney is the only person in the room who bothers to look surprised, but she sells it pretty hard. Danielle gloats in the DR about how she already has the votes lined up to tell Janelle, "Have a great summer." Janelle's lack of visible surprise proves to be due to her lack of visible emotion of any kind, as she tells us in the DR that if she'd know she'd be nominated, "I would have planned a cute outfit." She has no idea what happened, "But I'm not gonna go down without a fight." Mike and Frank do one of their irritating skits in the DR, laughing maniacally after Frank recaps what they were able to accomplish this week. And as much as I hate to admit it, they might have actually earned it this time.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.